Soundtrack: 'Only Hope' and 'Stars' by Switchfoot
"You know, Ludwig would kill us if he found out we let you on the roof."
Gilbert shrugged and folded his hands behind his head. "What he doesn't know won't kill him."
"What he does know would kill us, not him," Antonio corrected as he closed the window. The night was warm and comfortable, like a smooth black blanket. The skies were so clear that Gilbert was certain he could see the entire galaxy on display.
"You're not cold, are you?" asked Francis as he gingerly sat down on the roof next to the other two.
"Heck no. It's perfect temperature out here," Gilbert said. "I should've just slept outside my whole life. Screw having a bed. The stars are softer."
"What happens if it started raining?" Antonio asked.
"I'd get wet," Gilbert said simply. "But hey, if our ancestors dealt with it without any other choice, I think we'd be able to get through it, right?"
"They didn't have the frère allemand paranoid, though," Francis pointed out. "I'm sure that if they had someone equivalent to Ludwig with them, they'd be forced under a roof. And to eat all their vegetables."
"Shh, not so loud," Gilbert urged Francis. "Ludwig's bedroom is right next door."
They all turned their heads to face the curtained window on the other end of the roof.
"Great choice," Francis muttered. "Of all the roofs we decided to climb on, we chose the one directly next to Ludwig's window."
"Just keep your voice down and we'll be fine," Gilbert assured him.
"What if he thinks we're robbers or kidnappers?" Antonio asked worriedly.
"It's not like he has a gun or anything," Gilbert said. "Okay, maybe a metal baseball bat, but that's about it."
"That's comforting," Francis grumbled. "Are you comfortable? Do you feel all right?"
Gilbert averted his gaze. "Of course. I'm fine, Francis. You don't have to worry all the time."
"We can't help it," Antonio said softly. Gilbert let out a sigh and bit his lip.
"You really don't," Gilbert mumbled. "It won't do any good. I don't want anyone to worry." He closed his eyes. "But I make them, don't I? All the time."
Francis didn't know what to say. There was no point in denying it; everyone around Gilbert was nervous and anxious for him.
"It makes me think—" He hesitated before shaking his head.
"Think what?" Antonio asked.
"Never mind," Gilbert said briefly.
"Why won't you say it?" Antonio said.
"It's not important," Gilbert argued.
"Of course it is!" Antonio exclaimed. "Anything you think or want to say is important. I want to know how you feel."
"It's nothing, I promise you!" Gilbert protested.
"Gilbert, please tell us," Francis insisted. "Don't keep secrets from us. We never do; don't start now."
Gilbert sat in silence, his eyes still closed. He finally exhaled deeply and opened his eyes, gazing at the pale moon.
"I sometimes wonder if coming back home was the better choice," Gilbert murmured. "Maybe I should have just stayed in the hospital."
"Why?" Antonio whispered.
Gilbert wished he didn't say anything. He felt foolish for doing so, but he couldn't just stop now. Francis would have his head if he suggested it.
"I know how much stress I cause for Vatti and West," Gilbert said quietly. "They have to give up their time to look after me and be with me and—and make sure I'm all right. West can't sleep anymore; I know it. He tells me he does, but I know for a fact he stays up in case I suddenly need help in the middle of the night. The only reason why he's actually getting a wink of sleep today is because you two are here."
He draped a hand over his eyes, breathing in the warm night air. There was no hiding the shadows under his family's eyes and the darting glances of pain and worry every time they come near him. Gilbert swore that Vatti had gray hairs now.
"I don't want to distress them like this," Gilbert mumbled. "I was already—already enough trouble in the hospital, sucking up their money to pay the bills, but at least they don't have to constantly worry about me—"
"Gilbert, stop it," Francis said immediately. Gilbert paused, slightly surprised. Francis took Gilbert's hand and lifted it off his eyes. "Don't you talk like that anymore. You have absolutely no idea what you're saying."
Gilbert blinked up at Francis in surprise. Antonio nodded fervently in agreement with Francis.
"It's so much better that you're home, Gil," Antonio said softly. "You don't have to be near that horrible doctor anymore. You're home; you're closer to us. You're where you want to be, not where you think you should be."
"I know I want to be here," Gilbert said. "But West and Vatti—"
"—would much rather have you home than far away in some godforsaken, prison of a hospital," Francis finished swiftly. "Are you that thick that you don't understand how much they want you here?"
Gilbert swallowed hard. "I'm just worried for them," he admitted. "I don't want to hurt them more than I can control."
"The funny thing about love is," Francis said cheekily, "it endures through sickness and in health."
"I'm not married to them," Gilbert said.
"Does it make a difference?" Antonio demanded. "Family can still love each other unconditionally through sickness and in health just as much as couples. And I am positive that that is the case for yours."
Antonio reached out and took Gilbert's hand, squeezing it gently. Gilbert felt the heavy burden inside of him lighten as he returned the grip.
"How many more days till our awesome tenth anniversary?" Gilbert asked, wishing to lighten the mood.
"Um…" Antonio stammered. He stared at his feet. "About two weeks."
"So close!" Gilbert exclaimed. "That's awesome. I can't wait."
"Yeah," said Antonio, smiling. "Can't wait. Maybe we should make a back-up plan, though. In case you can't make it to Arthur and Alfred's party."
Gilbert sighed. "Yeah, you're right."
"What about a movie night?" suggested Francis.
"Disney," Gilbert added stubbornly. "Nothing lovey-dovey though."
"There goes Disney," Francis quipped.
"There has got to be something…" Gilbert said.
"Even the Three Musketeers movie has romance in it," laughed Antonio. "You can't avoid it, Gilbert."
"Curse Minnie Mouse," Gilbert muttered. "All right, throw in the suggestions."
"'Pan's Labyrinth.'"
"Please no," Antonio said, shivering. "It brings back bad memories."
"'Artemisia.'"
"That's the movie of Italian artists having sex, isn't it?" Gilbert confirmed. "Let me think about it—no."
"And it's all in French," Antonio complained.
"What about 'Letters From Iwo Jima?'" Gilbert asked.
"I don't want to cry on our tenth anniversary!"
"Maybe we should go back to Disney," Francis said.
"'Alice in Wonderland' has no romance," Antonio pointed out.
"In all honesty, I don't understand that story. At all," Gilbert said blankly. "'Peter Pan?'"
"We watched that already five times, though."
"'Tarzan!'" Antonio shouted. "Let's just go with that."
Gilbert tapped his chin contemplatively. "Yeah, that's a good movie."
"There's romance, though," Francis pointed out.
"But the movie is awesome…"
"Shh!" Antonio hushed them. "Before Ludwig hears you!"
The other two quieted down immediately. They stayed silent for a moment before finally speaking again in hushed tones.
"I feel like we're partaking in crime, Gilbert. Maybe we should go back inside."
"Antonio, live a little!" Gilbert chuckled. "You've got to live life loud."
"Yes, but not so loud that Ludwig will think we're criminals!" Antonio pointed out.
"I didn't mean it literally," Gilbert said. He gazed up at the velvety black night and let out a sight. "Look how clear the skies are tonight! I can see every star."
"It is fascinating," Francis agreed, craning his neck towards the sky. "Look at them. Is it just me or does it look like the stars are dancing?"
"No, no, you're right," Antonio gasped. "They're sparkling so much. It's like they're spinning."
Gilbert closed his eyes. Antonio and Francis stayed silent, drinking in the beauty of the night. Gilbert could almost hear the stars twinkling and singing. How did he never hear it before? It was smooth and fragile, like butterfly wings.
"Oh, oh, oh!" Antonio's voice cried out. Gilbert opened his eyes to see Antonio excitedly pointing to the sky.
"We forgot!" Antonio said. He clasped his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight!"
Francis laughed and ruffled Antonio's head. "Which one are you speaking to? Can you even remember which was first?"
Antonio was too engrossed in his wishing that he did not respond. Francis gave a crooked smile before looking up at the sky, a silent wish on his lips.
Gilbert watched the stars dance in the galaxy. He breathed in the sweet night air, the highs and lows of life. It filled up in his lungs and for a moment he wanted to shout and sing, but he was too weak for that now.
Star light, star bright…
If all the stars had shown up at once, would his wish be ten times more likely to be granted?
First star I see tonight…
The streetlights were dimmer than usual, and Gilbert was glad. He could finally see the sky in all its entirety and majesty, no longer blinded by flashing screens or neon glows. The starlight was small and barely visible, but it was so much more beautiful.
I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight…
What did he want, though?
He took a quick glance at Francis and Antonio. Antonio was still making his wish, a small smile on his face. What did he wish for? For Lovino to finally show his affection? Gilbert cracked a smile at the thought. Francis was also gazing at the sky with half-closed eyes.
It only just now registered in Gilbert's mind that all three of them were in their sleeping clothes at midnight hanging out on a rooftop.
He certainly had the best friends in the whole wide world.
He turned to face Ludwig's bedroom window. He hoped that they hadn't woken Ludwig up. He wondered what Ludwig was dreaming about, if he was dreaming at all.
The stars were so beautiful tonight.
Gilbert laid his head back down.
I wish that they would be happy.
Ludwig, Eliza, Francis, Antonio, everyone.
Let everything work out so that they will be at peace. No more stress, worries, anything.
Whatever happens to all of us, let them be happy.
"Gilbert?"
Gilbert opened his eyes to see Antonio and Francis around him.
"Let's go back inside," Antonio urged.
Gilbert nodded. "Okay, he said."
He cast one last glance at the nighttime sky and bade the stars goodbye.
The reason why Gilbert was starting to doubt his returning home and wondering if it was better that he stayed in the hospital is because East Germans are rather nostalgic of their communist days. They feel that they were better off under the communist rule than reunified with the West because now that they have capitalism their economy is struggling a lot and they are still dealing with a lot of problems even after about twenty years of reunification. Most former USSR nations seem to feel that way as well.
I was rereading 'The Things They Carried,' the last book Gilbert read from his list. I realized that that was probably not the best thing to make Ludwig read out loud to Gilbert...not because it was poorly written or anything, because it was a very good book, but what the characters say...