Song for this chapter: Drop the Game by Flume

SPOV

Being back at Hogwarts was simultaneously amazing and awful as well as confusing. I both loved and hated teaching. It was very hard to explain, even to myself, and that was saying something. Some of my students were supremely irritating because they did not seem to understand how volatile the subject of potions really is. A few trouble makers reminded me of the Mauraders when they were pranking other students in my class at the very beginning of term, but swift application of detention and point removal saw the end of that. It was strange not to immediately despise them for this behavior, but I supposed that had more to do with no longer hating the originals as much as it had to do with their trouble making just not being on par with what I experienced as a student.

I had taken to wearing what Hermione described as 'my classic teaching garb' but I thought I might be wearing it for a different reason now than I would have in another time. A voice in the back of my mind reminded me of purchasing clothes such as this after James Potter had exposed me to the majority of the student body in my fifth year, and finding even more comfort in them after my unwholesome introduction to the Death Eaters. They were a shield to protect myself from approach or touch at one time, and I imagine without Hermione they would have remained that way indefinitely. Now they were a carefully sculpted image of intimidation. Some of my students were rather close to my age and it was with a stern face and a buttoned up appearance and approach that I maintained control of my classroom. It worked for the most part on the students, but had no effect on the staff.

"You really must be to warm in that," Pomona said as we walked together out to the greenhouse to procure ingredients that were ready for harvest. "It's rather warm for a fall afternoon and we haven't even started the manual labor yet."

"We may encounter students yet," I pointed out somewhat tersely as I opened the door to greenhouse three for her and stood to the side. "I do have an image to upkeep."

"Oh I think you've reigned in your classes fairly well if the gossiping of a few seventh year Gryffindors is to be believed," she chortled as she passed inside and immediately grabbed two pairs of dragon hide gloves from a supply rack. "You can probably loosen up on the reigns."

"Oh don't take Smith and Weatherby at face value," I said with a slight laugh of my own. "They have a bitter taste in their mouth as I caught them trying to through a filibuster product into a Slytherin cauldron and they are serving detention every Saturday or the rest of the month with Filtch."

"The rest of the month?" she asked, and I heard the unasked question of why I was so harsh.

"The potion in question contained powdered Erumpet horn, they are lucky I didn't send them in front of the ministry for attempted mass murder," I pointed out with a quirked brow as I took the proffered gloves and pulled them on.

"I don't suppose they realized that would cause an explosion of enough force to level the dungeon?" she said with a worried look in her eye.

"No they did not, but they are certainly aware of it now," I sighed. "And I would have thought they were knowledgeable enough now to understand that I was letting them off easy with the detentions."

"Well, teenage boys are idiots," she said with a shrug and then she set to work harvesting leaves from a Fanged geranium and I followed suit quietly.

-`-'-

For the most part I found that I enjoyed my colleagues. There were a few exceptions in the new Divination professor Sybil Trelawney who was crazier than a rabid raccoon, Minerva who seemed to still have a large stick stuck somewhere unpleasant when it came to her interactions with me, and of course Albus Dumbledore. He however was proving to be less invasive than I had initially expected him to be. In fact he paid me very little mind at all. He seemed to be paying no one mind as of late, and this was obviously burrowing under the very thin skin of Minerva.

She spent many meals trying to make conversation with him but his focus would only be held on her for a moment or two before it wandered to something far more interesting… like his goblet or a window. I could not be sure if he was very much lost in his thoughts or if he was trying to tell her without words that he was not interested in her. Clearly she was smitten with him, and entirely unaware that he was not exactly interested in the fairer sex.

When he inevitably began to ignore her she would turn to me for conversation as I was seated on her other side. It was quite inconvenient. Particularly since she had a grudge against Slytherin a mile wide so she was usually just trying to pick a fight with me if she wasn't waxing poetic about her beloved Quidditch team.

"All I'm saying is that I don't think there is a seeker in this school that can outstrip Longbottom," she told me as she poured herself juice from the carafe. "Thank goodness he did not inherit his older brother Frank's clumsiness."

"Perhaps not on a broom," I sighed as I considered how badly I wanted my sausage. "But he has in the classroom. Worst potioneer I have ever seen and I went to school with Pettigrew so that is saying something."

Luckily the mention of her traitorous Gryffindor shut her up and I was allowed to finish my breakfast in silence. I yearned for Hermione to be sitting beside me instead so we might talk about literally anything. I was already missing her desperately since our last floo call, not that I was about to admit that and have Sirius threaten to remove my 'man card' as he called it.

-`-'-

If it were just his behavior at meals being different I might not suspect that there was anything off with Dumbledore, but I had been noticing a few things around the castle that just didn't quite add up. For example just the night before he had shown up at my chambers to speak with me about how my classes were going, but somehow he kept wandering off topic and talking about things at the ministry. At one point he had spoken absolute gibberish and the only things that I had caught that even sounded like a real word had been Minister. He'd immediately confessed to being exhausted and left my company so I was not completely worried that he'd lost his mind.

But I'd seen him wandering through the corridors as if lost on multiple occasions, and for someone that had been teaching in one capacity or another for at least forty years here that was disconcerting. My worries that he was going senile lead to further observation, which is why I suspect that I noticed he had a tendency to skip every fifth step when he was wandering. It was not a pronounced skip like you would see from a schoolgirl, but it was certainly a change in walking rhythm.

Between my third year potions and the evening meal I observed him doing this strange ritual in front of the staircase leading up to the entrance hall for three full minutes before he shook his head as if to clear it and made his way up the stairs and on to dinner. Was it possible that he was developing or suddenly failing to hide a touch of obsessive and compulsive behavior? Or had he always been this way when I attended Hogwarts and I simply hadn't noticed because I did not pay him much attention? I decided I would discuss it with Hermione this weekend when I returned home.

-`-'-

Right on schedule after dinner on Thursday Remus appeared at the gates of Hogwarts where I was waiting for him. I had been channeling a lot of focus in trying to find the potion that would cure Remus and recently I had him helping out in the lab so he was readily available to try anything brewed or provide a blood sample for testing against at the very least. I also knew he was currently out of work again and being present allowed him to feel useful, so really it was a win for both of us. I shook my head thinking about such a thought ever crossing my mind.

"What are you shaking your head at?" he asked me as we walked side-by-side up to the castle.

"Still can't wrap my mind around the two of us working together," I shrugged. "It was not so long ago that you might have murdered and eaten me in the tunnel leading to the shrinking shack."

"You know there is still a small piece of me that hasn't forgiven Sirius for that prank," he said with a shake of his head as he buried his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders. "He's my best mate but that is by far the worst thing he has ever done to me, let alone what he could have caused to happen to you."

I was actually stunned into silence for a moment. Remus had apologized, not that I had told him I accepted, on multiple occasions after the incident but this was the first time that I truly wondered what it had been like to be on the other side of the prank. It had been as harmful to him psychologically as it had been to me I suspected. I couldn't think how to back us out of the surprisingly emotional territory I had walked us into, so I buried my own hands in my pockets and used my shoulder to knock him slightly off the path he was walking.

"Oh don't go getting sentimental on me now Wolf-boy, we've got work to focus on," I said with my best appropriation of a carefree voice.

"Hey it's Wolf-man thank you very much," he said and his light laughter filled the air again. "Have you gotten the new crop of Adder's Fork that you wanted to use in the next brew?"

"I have, and I have a lot to tell you about where I think we'll go next, but first I really need to know how your dinner with Hermione went," I said quietly, hating to show a weakness even if I did not consider this man a friend.

"It went exactly as you expected it would except that I did not have to coax her into taking a calming or sleeping draught," he told me as we each through open one of the heavy wooden doors to enter the front of the castle. "Did you know she's taken to wearing a glamour though? Not just in the shop either, she had it one when we got there."

That made my stomach twist a bit. I knew that I was struggling being away from her, but I was feeling guiltier by the day knowing that she was suffering even more. Was she actually making herself ill with worry now? I looked at Remus trying to figure out what to even ask and saw that he was watching me with concern.

"She isn't ill as far as I can tell," he said, and I hoped he didn't notice my shoulders slumping in relief. "She just isn't sleeping. She told me it might have been a couple days when I asked, but I suspect three days without rest at the very least. She was drinking wine that night however so it tuckered her out fairly quickly and I tucked her securely into bed before leaving the cottage. I am certain that she got a few hours at the very least."

"I wish she would talk to me about why she isn't sleeping," I groused as I lead the way down into the dungeons and to my private lab. "She has always been prone to mothering me and trying to hide any issues she might have but this is really starting to make me nervous. How much sleep can a person lose before they make themselves ill? And is it because she's having nightmares again or is it just because she'd by herself? I'm worried about her, but if you tell a soul I said that I will happily murder you."

"Not a soul," he said with his hands up in supplication. "If I had to guess it's being on her own though. I actually offered her to stay with me when you're away but she didn't take me up on it. I'm glad she didn't as I don't think she'd get on with Maechelle but maybe it will put the idea in her head and she'll go stay with Lily and James since we both know Sirius isn't the right choice when that house is full of so many memories for her."

"Did Maechelle say anything yet about maybe trying the new brew with African Violets yet?" I asked, steering the conversation away from Hermione as we entered the lab so I would not be forced to remain emotionally vulnerable any longer. "I know new potions can be a bit scary to some people, but I think the several moons that you've used it for should show her by now that there are no adverse side-effects."

"She is a strong willed woman," Remus said with a shuttered look on his face. "Perhaps on the next moon. Or after we've moved on to routinely using a new brew and that one looks like old hat."

"Well I do have something knew that I want you to try this time around," I told him as I pulled out the jar of my latest creation. "Now unfortunately I would need to test the effectiveness of this on it's own for this lunar cycle… do you think that is a risk you are willing to take? If it fails you would be experiencing the moon without any of the protections you've become used to."

"I am willing to take the risk if we take the proper precautions," he said with a shrug of his shoulders. "I think I ought to be warded into the shrieking shack for it and you cannot be present for observations. You could give a list of questions you want answered to Sirius and he could observe in his other form so he would be safe from Moony."

"They really ought to register with ministry," I said with a shake of my head. "With the tightening of all the laws its only a matter of time before that is a crime punishable by a sentence in Azkaban as well. But I could agree to that so long as we have him wear a portkey on the off chance that this approach somehow makes you more violent than usual."

"That's a little disconcerting," Remus said as he put his hand out to take the jar in hand. "What's in this that might make that happen?"

"Bulbadox juice," I explained. "If everything goes according to plan it will help you retain your human form, but there is potential for it to react improperly with the Adder's Fork and cause extreme rage."

"Well that sounds fun," he said as he unscrewed the jar and sniffed the product. "I notice that this does not seem to be a potion."

"No its actually a salve," I said with a nod. "Possibly that will make it entirely ineffective. It thickened more than I expected, but I am hoping that if you apply it to your skin every day, starting now, that it will absorb into your system by the time the moon rises."

"We're still two weeks out from the moon," he said looking up as if he could see the sky through the stone ceiling above us. "I suppose on the one hand it is less convenient because of timing, but then again I would not have to taste Wolfsbane seven days a month and that would be fantastic."

"Always the optimist," I said with a shake of the head. "As you know, first application must always be in front of me. I did test it against your last blood sample of course so I do not expect any surprises, but just to be safe."

"Apply it everywhere I assume?" he asked.

"Unless you want patches of you to still turn into a wolf," I said as I folded my arms over my chest. "You can however stick to just your arms for now so as to not disrobe in front of me."

He set to work quickly. He put the jar on the workbench and scooped out a dollop on his fingers and began to massage it into the skin of his forearm and the room began to fill with the pungent odor that reminded me of a steak marinade that Hermione had created with Moroccan spices last weekend. I watched his arms closely looking for a reddening in the skin or even a change in pore size but I saw nothing to be alarmed about.

"You may wish to make a note that a minute or two after the beginning of applying the salve I have become a bit drowsy." Remus said in a tired voice and I looked up to his face to see his eyes drooping a bit. "This would suggest to me that future applications might be better applied directly before bed."

I first pulled over a stool and directed him to sit upon it before I took out my journal and jotted down the effects and how quickly they had set in.

"Do you feel weak or light headed?" I asked.

"No," he explained as he unbuttoned his shirt and removed it without seeming to care that I was still in the room. "I just feel extremely calm, though I expected that with the African Violets, and suddenly quite tired. Like I could drift off in a matter of seconds if I were to actually lie down."

I noted that he had a bruise on his flank before I turned away from him and began to jot down more notes.

"It also seems to have a bit of an effect on your inhibitions," I pointed out while I wrote. "I would not suggest using it in the company of someone other than your fiancé to avoid any uncomfortable situations in the future. However I think tonight it might be best if you stayed over at the castle, I will set up a cot in my quarters so I can observe you overnight."

"Hmm okay," he said, and I heard the sound of more fabric hitting the ground and I knew without turning around that he had shed his trousers as well.

"Yikes," I muttered to myself. "I will definitely adjust the amount of African Violet in the concoction if we end up using it again."

There was a soft thud and then a gentle snoring sound and I turned to see that Remus had fallen asleep on and his face was planted rather awkwardly on the workbench. I shook my head, choking this up to a failure unless there were werewolves out there with severe sleep issues and cast a quick spell to redress the slumbering wizard. With a few rapid flicks of my wand the lab was cleaned up, Remus was hovering in the air behind me, and we were making our way through a series of doors to enter my chambers.

-`-'-

After safely seeing a rejuvenated Remus out of the castle with a promise to have the old batch of Wolfsbane brewed for him by the following week I attempted to set my focus on my lessons for the day but I was already so focused on getting home to see Hermione that night that there really was no room in my mind to truly give my focus to anything else. Luckily I had all upperclassmen so the risk of someone blowing up the lab was very small. I set them on their potion assignments and floundered my way through grading some first year essays to make the day go by faster.

Thankfully the day went by quickly and soon the masses were heading to dinner in the great hall while I was hoofing it down to the castle gates to apparate home. Technically I could take the floo, but that was really for emergencies, and frankly I hated getting soot all over myself if it wasn't required. So with a quick turn to left and a flare of my magic I traded the warm Scottish air for the salt scented air that surrounded our cottage.

I immediately began unbuttoning my frock coat as I walked toward my favorite red door to quietly let myself in. I was about to kick it closed behind me when I heard two female voices coming from the bedroom and my curiosity got the best of me. I gentle pushed the door closed so it would not make noise and I was just as quiet setting my jacket and cravat on a barstool in the kitchen as I inched my way silently toward the bedroom.

"I don't see why we can't just do a glamour, the bags aren't nearly as bad today anyway," I heard Hermione say.

"Severus will notice a glamour even faster than Remus did," Lily clucked at her. "And if you are set on trying to keep him from noticing how sleepless you've become muggle makeup is our best route."

"It's not that I want to hide it from him per say," Hermione said back and I could hear the guilt in her voice. "It's just it so embarrassing. I feel like a child or an invalid. I mean how silly does it sound to say 'Severus I just can't sleep when you're not in my bed.' I mean when did I become that person?"

"It's okay you know?" Lily said softly. "I feel the same way if James is away on assignment. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Except it will make him feel guilty," she responded and I had to shake my head at myself because she was right. "Besides it not just him being away, there is also the nightmares. I mean yeah I guess you could still say it's him being away because I don't have them when he's here, but that's hardly his fault that being in the dark and hearing the ocean reminds me of being in Azkaban."

"We've just got to find a way to get you to sleep without that sneaking into your subconscious," Lily said softly enough that I almost missed it. "I know you're worried about being hooked on sleeping draughts or dreamless sleep, but what if we tried a muggle option? My mother used to give me melatonin when I couldn't sleep as a child. It might help."

"It's worth a shot," Hermione sighed. "Oh goodness look at the time. He'll be home any minute and I haven't even started the chicken."

"You're right, time got away from me," Lily chirped. "Well I think you look great. I ought to get home myself, James wants to go out this evening and I need to change out of these apprentice robes."

"You know I still can't quite believe that you gave up being an auror to become a healer, and yet it seems like you should have always been one," Hermione said softly and I heard them moving about in the room. "You have a nice time at dinner tonight."

There was a shifting in the light and I knew that one of them was moving toward the bedroom door so I had better stop looking like I was lurking in the hall. I stepped forward to open the door myself just as I heard a soft pop that was likely to mean Lily had apparated out.

"Oh Hermione I'm home," I said as I pushed the door open and I was presented with the sight of her reaching for the door herself. "You look beautiful."

She was always beautiful of course, but I felt she really needed to hear it today after going to such lengths as to have Lily come over and doll her up for me. She looked surprisingly casual all things considered. She was wearing a soft tshirt dress and her hair was pulled to the side in a messy bun behind her ear. Lily had done a good job though her face was rosy and bright. I would not suspect that she was not sleeping well if I hadn't just heard the conversation I did. All thoughts of talking to her about my concerns about Dumbledore drifted away to be replaced with concerns about her.

"Thank you Severus," she told me with a tiny grin. "I haven't started dinner yet, I'm sorry."

"That's perfect actually," I said, thinking on the fly of someway that I could pamper her tonight before getting her into bed as early as possible to try and bank as many nightmare free hours of sleep as possible for her before I had to go back to the castle. "I've had this idea brewing all day of taking a bubble bath with you and just snacking on some berries and cheese right there in the tub."

"That sounds positively romantic," she said as her smile grew. "What did I do to deserve that?"

"Exist," I said with a shrug as I swept forward to wrap her up in my arms. "I've missed you terribly this week. I think we ought to bring you to the castle for an overnight visit sometime this week so I don't go crazy."

"Mmm, I'd like that," she whispered into the folds of my undershirt as she sunk more heavily against me. "I've missed you."

"Let me go put together a plate for us while you run us a bath okay?" I said before planting a kiss on her head and then tilting her head up so I could claim her lips as well.

"It's a plan," she chirped at me before she disengaged from me and skipped into the adjoined bathroom.

-`-'-

Just a few minutes later we were relaxing in the hot water that was opaque from milk bath rather than bubbles and I was enjoying the simple act of hand feeding Hermione raspberries while enjoying the weight of her resting on my chest even if her slightly damp hair was tickling my neck. I hoped that she didn't mind immediately ruining all the work Lily had done but I didn't dare ask and reveal that I knew about that conversation.

"How were your lessons this week?" she asked me after she finished chewing and began timidly massaging the muscles of my thigh beneath the surface of the water.

"Some better than others," I told her when I had finished my own chewing. "I doubt I will every truly appreciate Gryffindor students if we are being entirely honest. You are the only exception."

She hummed a little laugh as she selected a bit of cheese with her free hand and flew it toward my mouth like a plan. I opted not to point out that she was still in the habit of feeding me like a toddler, and forcefully pushed my mind away from picturing her with a child of her own as it just wasn't in the cards for us despite what a wonderful mother she would be.

"How was the shop?" I asked before pulling the cheese from her fingers and playfully licking the pads of them just to rile her up a bit.

"Business has really been picking up lately," she told me as her voice grew less sleepy and more engaging. "I've been hitting the ground running and not stopping until it's time to close up as of late. Luckily it was mildly slower on Wednesday so I had time to give Jenny my full attention in the afternoon when the Walkers came by."

"Should we hire someone to work in the shop with you?" I asked, casually drawing my hand down her sides in a soothing gesture when I began to worry that I would wake her up too much to get her to easily fall asleep when we got out of the bath.

"Oh I don't think that is necessary," she told me earnestly. "I mean fiscally we could probably support it, but I don't think we need it. I only have the one patient so I can give the shop almost my entire focus. Maybe it's something to consider in the future if I end up taking on more patients."

"That seems fair," I said in a soothing tone before I took the washcloth in hand and began to lather it with soap. "So I have to admit, while I was really looking forward to trying to lure you into a romp in the bath before settling before the fire or something similar, I'm completely wiped and I'd honestly like nothing more than to climb into bed after this bath and just turn in for the night."

"Actually that sounds fantastic," Hermione said quietly and I felt her sink more heavily against me in what I suspected was relief and not disappointment. "I'm knackered as well."

Thank Merlin she's not fighting me on this, I thought to myself as I handed her the sudsy cloth and turned my attention to pulling pins from her hair so it would fall down on her shoulders.

He knows me so well, I heard her thoughts whisper softly against my mind and a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. I can't wait to just snuggle up under the covers with him. I'm so exhausted that I'll probably be out before we're even probably situated though. I knew then that she didn't realize her thoughts were bleeding through. She had to be awfully tired for her occlumency walls to be failing, but it also mean that she felt safe so I was choosing to take it as a win rather than dwelling on the negative aspect of it all.

I sighed in contentment when she began to drag the cloth over my exposed arm and I drew my knees up so she would have access to at least part of my legs as well. I let my eyes drift closed and for just a moment I allowed her to care for me and I pretended that we didn't spend the majority of our week living apart right now. It was a peaceful bubble to live in even if it would be burst when I had to return to the castle early Monday morning.