It's a bit short.
The control you have on your life is like holding onto a fish; you think you have a steady grip on it, and then, out of nowhere, it slips away. The crippling depression I was holding back for all these months seem to come rushing back in. The cold fingers of despair gripping onto my heart, never wanting to let go, controlling me in my daily life with a sharp tug, or a dull throb. Uncertainty washing over my body, leaving a cold, prickling sensation all over me. I hate it. I wish I could get out. I don't sign to anyone, I just sit here, with a small scowl on my face, and see my friends worry over me, leaving a distaste behind. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't know why I let this hit me so hard.
I for once wasn't seen working with the student council after school, the only time they see me after school is when I leave for my dorm. The soft whispers they speak after I leave, the worried glances, I'm sick of them.
[Hisao?] I look up when I see the signed phrase over my desk. Shizune, in her beautiful presence, looking at me with a worried-fill gaze. The now seemingly permanent scowl softens, until it becomes a straight line, devoid of any emotions. But my eyes betray me, letting the feeling of love, and deep sadness come out. [Are you okay?] The feeling of uncertainty once again flies over me, the pit of my stomach sinking. The bell rings and I let my hair cover my eyes, trying to get past her as I raise out of my seat. She grabs my hand firmly. She has a scowl on her face, and it's not the usual playful one. [What is wrong? Why are you avoiding us? You have Misha and I worried!] I don't answer, I just let her hold onto the hand, taking a slight comfort in its warmth. My eyes filled with sadness, I slowly undo her hand and leave the room.
When Iwanako wrote those three words, it wasn't that that got to me. It just brought up the past. Every day in the hospital, the sound of the staff working. Every feeling that I tucked away. Every thought that I had eventually repressed. Memories that I wanted to forget. Everything, the painful feelings I got, the bad memories, the horrible thoughts, stretching from when I first got here, to, eventually, my early childhood, came to the surface. Every horrifying moment with my drunken father, to the bullies I never told anyone about. I eventually remember past the time I was nine, which was when I was in the orphanage.
[Hisao, you will tell me what is wrong this very instant, or so help me…] Shizune left the threat there. And, I just stare at her. She explodes. [Why are you doing this? The only person who helped me tear down my walls, is now putting up walls of his own, and won't let me in! The strong man who helped me with Misha, isn't here anymore, and left a moping boy in his place! ] she takes a few breaths, and cups my cheek with her hand. [Let me in.] [I… I'll…think about it,] and I then leave.
This morning, I make several mistakes. I don't exercise, I don't shave, and I forget to shower. Oh, and I didn't take my pills. The steady beat of my heart in the middle of the day, doesn't worsen, so I continually forget to take my pills through-out the week.
Shizune doesn't stop trying to break into my metaphorical castle, and I eventually lose track of time. I continue to forget about my pills, although I do help with the student council work again. Shizune and Misha look worried at me the whole time, but ignore them as I help them with the voting thing.
About a week left of school, and I get a letter in strange hand writing, saying {Meet us at the roof.} I raise an eyebrow and shrug my shoulders. After class ends, I head up the stairs to the roof. As I'm climbing, I get a strange feeling of anxiety, and an overall bad feeling.
I open the door, letting it creak open and hear "SURPRISE!" my eyes widen in shock. I look over the crowd, and realize that it's my homeroom class, even Mutou. As my heartbeat rises, I can only think of one thing as the pounding sounds of my heart tries to break out. It's my birthday? After that single thought, my heartbeat stops, as more memories flush over me. I collapse, and I smile, as everything turns black.