Chapter 12
Levi
A heavy boot taps relentlessly at the floorboard as Erwin addresses the various high ranking soldiers in the room. His stern eyes settle on their owner and the sound stops abruptly. I huff amusedly at the nervous face before focusing my eyes again on the large paper Erwin's attached to the wall of the meeting room. It's full of various scribbles and detailed formation plans, just as always when a new expedition is announced.
It isn't surprising, really. We always try to get the newbies into the field as soon as we are able, and although some are still recovering from the last expedition months ago, we all agree that it is time. As I study the formation he's chosen – a familiar, standard design, he proceeds in handing out individual folders to each of us.
"Here are my expectations for each of you during the preparation and execution of this mission. You will each be in charge of your own squads each day, from today until we leave. The new recruits will be sorted into squads this evening at the public announcement. Get to know them. I've met a few of them myself already; they're promising." His voice sounds amused and almost jovial despite the looming death toll that always accompanies an outing.
The boot has resumed tapping and the soldier next to the owner clears his throat in warning. After giving the man and his boots an amusing look of warning, Erwin turns again to the stack of papers in front of him and grabs a few select sheets. This time, he only hands these documents to the highest ranking; myself, Hanji, Mike, and Ness.
"You four, please remain here for further discussion. The rest of you are dismissed, unless anyone has anything to talk about." Finally, he takes a seat and begins to settle down. The others file out slowly in a midst of mumbles and sighs, apparently without further comment for us.
When they've all gone, we look at Erwin expectantly. The room is quiet, and his positive mask has lifted to reveal a very frustrated and almost angry expression. Erwin pinches the ridge between his eyebrows and grunts; I suppose he's gathering his thoughts.
"I… don't even know where to begin." He looks at us as if we should know what the hell is going on in his head, so he doesn't have to say anything.
"Try with coherent words." I spit with my usual tone.
He heaves a big sigh as Hanji chuckles, then motions for us to flip the cover page of our recently acquired packets over. We do so, and it reveals a document entitled "Medical Examination Results".
I slap my hand lightly over the page and look Erwin dead in the eyes. "So you got crabs afterall, eh?" Hanji chuckles amusedly and Mike smirks without comment. My amusement is palpable.
"You'll all be sorry to know that we have one less experienced soldier on the field thanks to one of our new recruits. According to the victim, a Mister Taylor, a new inductee named Michael Trillo is responsible for his hospitalization."
My smirk instantly fades and my body goes rigid. The others notice my mood shift, and I see Erwin's eyes narrow at me suspiciously. I do my best to resume a nonchalant demeanor while appearing to casually skim the Medical Report.
Excessive force. Multiple cracks. Excessive blood loss. Patient taken to Surgery upon arrival. No resolution to report.
"The fuck…?" Mike whispers quietly.
Erwin's voice is stone cold. "Indeed. Mr. Trillo caused enough damage with a single punch to gift Mr. Taylor with multiple surgeries. His nose will most likely never look the same, and certainly won't work as well. I hear he also suffered a great deal of blood loss before the medics made it to him."
"Where was he found?"
"It seems witnesses placed the two of them in the training room a little over an hour before the incident. Eventually they made contact in the public showers, where Mr. Taylor was found."
Erwin notices my expression of concern before I can conceal it and I'm forced to speak up. "I also happened to see Michael in the training room yesterday." Because I deliberately went there despite the filth to see Michael- I shake the thought away. "There's no photo of the victim, but I remember that as I was entering, Michael was having a heated argument with a few other soldiers. When they saw me, they scrammed. Michael stayed and trained for at least another hour before leaving, so I know that they did not spend all of that time together."
Erwin nods and notes down my account.
"There are no witnesses to the act, but multiple people witnessed Mr. Trillo leaving the showers after they responded to Mr. Taylor's screams.It is our duty to Mr. Taylor and Mr. Trillo to sort out the situation and resolve it as quietly as possible. We will all meet with Mr. Trillo after lunch and begin questioning. Levi, I'd like you to fetch him when the time comes and bring him here to the meeting room. Do not give him any information before entering here, and do not allow him to speak with anyone else. Understood, everyone?"
With a resounding "Yes, sir!" we all rise and begin to exit in our own fog of sighs. Erwin's smug eyes had rested on me a little too long when he gave my final order. Now in an even worse mood, I return to my own room down the hall and collapse at my desk; my mind racing with this new development.
Why, Michael? Why jeopardize everything we have worked for? Something must have happened. Michael isn't the type to be needlessly violent. Is he? It occurs to me that I never really knew Michael to begin with. I certainly don't know him now. There's no doubt he's changed in the years of training, and that person grew only farther from me. Much too far.
I close the door on those thoughts and get to work on my preparations for the upcoming expedition. After I've finalized and organized my paperwork, I stash some forms into a folder and leave to find my squad.
I find Petra and Auruo tending to the horses. Gunther and Erd are in the kitchens, diligently scrubbing the dishware. Each of them accepts the folder with a simple greeting and little small talk. I praise myself inwardly for my choices when the time had come to pick my squad. They each do their jobs well and I feel they best understand my philosophies. They will serve their purposes well when the time comes.
This process takes me a little under an hour, and when I've finished my rounds the lunch bell rings. Within the mess hall, the usual rambunctious sounds rattle my very bones. I'd take my lunch to my room if Erwin hadn't recently scolded me for doing it so often.
"You're a leader, Levi. You need to be present for your subordinates and set an example."
He's a dick. I watch him at his own table, surrounded by flirtatious women and ass-kissing men all trying to get on the Commander's good side. It's enough to make me gag. Rather than watch that display, I concentrate on my food and the simple conversations of my squad mates without really contributing. When I find my eyes sweeping over the hall looking for that familiar patch of dark hair and emerald green eyes, I don't find them. Undoubtedly, Michael is either in hiding or simply at a loss of appetite.
Regardless of his state, I must find him and bring him to the meeting room. My meal is finished and so I clean up and set out on a search.
My feet instinctually carry me to the usual places; the barracks, the training room, the showers, and even the hardly-used common room. When I don't find him inside, I check the stables. Much to my dismay, he isn't there, and I've gotten the smell of dirt and shit on me for nothing. I begin to walk the path that leads around the compound slowly, realizing that I don't actually want to find him. It'd be so much easier if I could continue to avoid him until I've settled things within my heart.
Before my mind can start to explore those thoughts I've tried hard to bottle, I spot Michael near the back of the buildings. He's lain down in a spotty patch of dying grass, near the very bench I once witnessed him kissing another man, picking little blades out of the earth and letting them drift in the wind; only contributing to the spottiness around him. I stand a distance away, still along the path and out of his field of vision. My mind feels blank suddenly as I watch the wind carry his fine hair across his forehead. The white shirt he's wearing isn't his standard issue uniform, but is a similar button-down that hugs his pectorals perfectly as his chest moves slowly up and down. I watch this calm scene for many long moments without realizing my place, and am only jolted to reality when his arm reaches upwards and he covers his eyes. It is then that I see his chest moving irregularly, and I can hear the sharp intake of air even from my distance away.
Is he crying?
I feel a sting within my own chest but push it aside. Surely he isn't feeling guilty over this. If he were to feel guilt, that would of course mean he did something wrong. I shake my head at myself and take a few steps towards him. When he doesn't respond, I move even closer and gently clear my throat.
"Ahem."
He jolts, but almost unnoticeably. After a moment he rises and wipes his eyes; still facing away from me. When he turns around, there's no sign of emotion on his face. If I didn't know better, I'd even say he couldn't care less about the world moving around him.
"Yes, sir?" His voice is distant and lifeless. It upsets my stomach even more than when he's angry or sad.
"Come with me, Michael." I can see a small wince at the sound of his name, but he gives no other response before standing and walking towards me. He stops only a few feet away.
"Where are we going, sir?"
I don't say anything, and instead turn and begin walking back towards the main building. He follows in silence; already well aware where we are headed.
"Mr. Trillo, correct?"
"Yes, sir."
"Can I call you Michael?"
"Please do." He stands behind the seat we've set for him, as if addressing the five of us on the other side of the table. Doesn't he know it's the other way around?
"Have a seat." Erwin motions to the chair but Michael doesn't move.
After a moment, he shifts uncomfortably. "Is it possible that I could stand, sir? I promise I won't try to leave or anything." He doesn't look afraid of the questions to come; instead, he seems more nervous towards himself.
"I'd really prefer it if you sat, Michael. We'd like to meet eye-to-eye, here." Erwin probably thinks he's being clever. Reluctantly, Michael finally takes the seat and places himself in it almost gently. Without further ado, Erwin begins.
"According to our reports received late yesterday evening, you were seen leaving the showers just before Mr. Taylor was found there with a broken nose. Witnesses report hearing screams at the time. Do you deny your presence at the scene?"
"No, sir." Michael's face remains an impassive mask, but I catch him glancing over each of us. His gaze lingers longer when it passes me and I have to fight not to return it. This is business.
"Corporal Levi claims to have witnessed a confrontation between you and Mr. Taylor, as well as two others, not long before Mr. Taylor was found injured. Can you explain this?"
Michael nods silently and clears his throat. "I was just there to exercise, but Dumbasses Number One, Two, and Three decided I was in 'the way'. Number One started telling me I was making them look bad, and tried to threaten me. I wasn't going for it. He didn't like that, and was preparing to have his lackeys come at me. That's when Corporal Levi entered and they ran with their tails tucked in their asses. We didn't fight."
Although the other officers are a little shocked at Michael's way of speaking to the Commander, Erwin doesn't flinch. He only nods his head and considers the words. Hanji apparently can't help but to speak up. "Dumbasses one-through-three?"
"That's what I call them. I don't know their names. I'd only met Dumbass Number One once before during morning chores, and the others I'd never even seen before."
Hanji just nods thoughtfully with a grin while Erwin looks ready to move on.
"Regardless, this gives us reason to believe you had a motive for attacking Mr. Taylor. Would you like to respond to his accusation that you've attacked him without provocation?"
Michael almost laughs now, and I am again amazed at his ability to shift emotions so instantly. "Abso-fucking-lutely!" I can't stop a smirk from coming to my face. "You bet your ass I punched his face in." And just like that, the smirk was gone. Dead and buried.
"Care to elaborate?" Erwin somehow remains calm while the others are, again, holding back their surprise. I feel a hot bubble of anger building in my stomach.
"I hit him square in the nose, sir. I rinsed off the blood, got dressed, and went for a nice refreshing walk around the compound. It was a lovely day outside." Michael pauses while the rest of us process. "However, sir, you are wrong to believe that I would ever harm someone without provocation." His nimble fingers lace together on the tabletop as he watches Erwin with a calm and calculating face.
I can't hold back my frustrations any longer. "So what the fuck happened? Get on with it, already. We've got shit to do, Mr. Trillo." The words are meant to sting him, but I am surprised again when he does the unexpected. Rather than looking at me with hurt, he actually glares straight at me. The coldness in his eyes perfectly mirrors my own, causing an unsettling feeling within me.
Erwin shifts in his seat and his eyes flick between Michael and I. He clears his throat quietly to break down our glaring contest. I'm quite surprised at Hanji's lack of chatter, and the other two in the room are expectedly useless.
"Go on, Michael."
"Well, sir, let's just say he found me preoccupied. I wasn't aware of his presence and it seemed to me that he had intentionally snuck up behind me. When I questioned his intentions, he deliberately provoked me with name-calling and I took it upon myself to show him his place."
"What exactly is his place?" I spit in annoyance.
Erwin's hand comes up to silence me but his eyes remain steadily on Michael. The room is silent for a moment but Michael decides to answer me.
"There are a few answers to that. On the ground, covered in his own blood; or just as far away from me as possible."
Erwin's calm mask is finally cracking and I can see that he is getting irritated. "We need your side of the story, Michael. We need to know exactly what happened and what was said. What do you mean that you were occupied, and what did he say to you?"
Michael takes a deep breath and lets it out in a quiet, tired sigh. He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest before speaking. "Well, Commander, I was rubbing one out, as you yourself like to put it." Erwin's face goes a little pale save for the pink spots that form on his cheeks. He adamantly refuses to meet our confused gazes. "He snuck up behind me. Put his hands on me. I turned around and pushed him off, and then I believe my exact words were, 'What the fuck?'."
The room is a little stiff, and I admit that my emotions have been on a ride today. My anger at Michael had moved to confusion, and now the anger was bubbling up towards this lowlife in the hospital bed. He touched him… how? No! I don't want to picture it.
"His response was something like, 'I saw something fun.' And then he proceeded to tell me that 'everyone knows I'm a faggoty little whore who will play with anyone.'."
My body feels numb. Is that why he is always alone despite having time to make friends? They all think he's a whore? I think I'd go into a blind rage and do more than just smash this guy's face in, if Michael hadn't already put him down himself. Erwin addresses Michael again. "Well, Michael. Are you?" I look at the blonde with a slack jaw, and wider eyes than I'm sure I've ever shown anyone here.
"No, sir." Michael sounds calm despite it all.
"Then why would he be under that impression?"
"He said that my fellow graduates have been spreading that rumor based on a short relationship I had with another trainee. That relationship was not serious, but it was committed. I never had relations with anyone else, and it ended almost a year ago. Oh, it was also at that point in the conversation that Dumbass Number Two grabbed me by the junk. That's when I proceeded to turn his face inside out."
I'm genuinely speechless. In all honestly, my reason for being angry with Michael was the very relationship he just mentioned. One of my informants had provided me regular updates on his activity. I was enraged and admittedly hurt when I heard that Michael had been involved with another man while away. The discomfort still nags my chest when I think about it. However, I had no idea that other's were saying such things about him, or even attempting to approach him based on those rumors. My stomach is turning and I really need air. This meeting needs to be over. I'm angry at myself for being blind; angry at Dumbass for touching my Michael; angry at Michael for his betrayal and his indifference. How can I care about him even after that?
I'm forced to concentrate on the meeting as Erwin concludes things. "I see. Michael, do you swear to us, the four commanding officers and I, Commander Erwin of the Survey Corps, that what you have told us today in this room is the truth as you experienced it?"
Michael stands and provides a perfect salute, just like the night I taught him while alone in my room. "Yes, sirs."
"Thank you, Michael. We will review the information provided and you will be notified when a verdict has been reached. Please continue about your day normally."
Michael nods silently and leaves without a word. I stand to make for the door as quickly as possible but a firm hand grasps my wrist and holds me in place. "What, Erwin!?" I spit with so much venom that they absolutely must realize that Michael and I have some kind of connection. Erwin's face remains calm but stern when he forces me back into my seat. We spend the next hour reviewing all information from all witnesses and come to a conclusion.
After dinner, Erwin and the officers now stand before the many soldiers of the Survey Corps, preparing to make the big announcement. We've taken everyone's attention from their seats in the mess hall, although some are standing around and shuffling for a better view, since the hundreds of soldiers are rarely in one room at once.
"Today we would like to announce to you all the Survey Corp's fifty-third expedition. It will take place a few days from now. You will each be briefed on the details by your squad leaders tomorrow." I allow my thoughts to wander as Erwin gives all of the necessary information and ends it with a small pep talk. The soldiers don't look particularly peppy.
The Commander begins sorting the new soldiers into groups. I get a few who aren't worth mentioning. Michael is placed under Ness.
I notice Michael standing by the entryway, as if he entered last and is in a hurry to leave. When the arrangements are over and he's allowed to do so, he slips out as quickly as he can and disappears around a corner. I watch as a tall, beefy man and his well-built female companion follow behind him. At first I think little of it, until I recall yesterday's training room incident. Aren't those the other two Dumbasses!?
Without thinking much about what I'm doing, I've followed the trio outside. It looks like Michael is on his way to that grassy spot from earlier, still unaware of his stalkers. When they've gotten a decent distance from the main building, I take my place behind cover and listen as they call out to him.
"Oi, Trillo." The woman yells.
Michael stops and turns to them. He doesn't look particularly surprised, but rather he looks indifferent to the world. "What?"
"What you did to Tom isn't right. Yet we get the feeling the higher ups ain't gonna do shit." She takes a few steps towards him and spits at the ground near his feet. He doesn't move a muscle.
"Tha's right. So we're gonna do somethin' instead." The big guy has moved up beside the woman and they both stand menacingly. Still, Michael doesn't move at all. "What? Givin' us the silent treatment? You just gonna stand there an' take it?"
"Yes." Michael stares at them plainly without a care in the world.
What the hell is up with him? I can't wrap my mind around his personality at all! Damn it!
My feet start moving forward just as the woman shoves Michael to the ground. As promised, he lays there in the grass and lets it happen. The woman has stomped Michael in the ribs in an instant, but I make it to them in time to catch the man's fist with my own firm grasp, before it has a chance to come down atop the face I've grown attached to.
"I'd rather you didn't damage my property, Dumbasses One and Two." They look at me with shock and awe before stuttering out excuses and apologies. I begin bending the caught fist backwards as I step towards them both and over Michael's prone form. "Until us higher ups have come to a conclusion regarding your twisted friend, Michael is under my protection. If I ever see either of you anywhere near him again, I'll do more than send you packing." I illustrate my point with a shove to the now bent wrist, and it makes an ugly popping sound as he tumbles backwards in pain. They are gone before I've completely turned around to face Michael.
He remains on the ground beneath my legs and stares up with the same distant look, seemingly unfazed by my appearance. I extend a hand to help him up, but he shakes his head gently and sighs.
"I'd like to be alone now, sir. Thank you for your protection, but I don't need it." His monotone voice is cracking, leading me to believe that something really has gotten to him.
"Seems to me like you do, considering you were about to let them kick your ass."
"I don't want to hurt anyone, Levi!" He sits up, causing me to tumble backwards with an embarrassing flop to the ground near his feet. He finally called my name. "I'd rather just take the beating I deserve and avoid any more trouble." He's avoiding eye contact but I can clearly see his mask is falling.
"What is wrong with you today? Or any day, really. You've been acting strangely." I let a bit of concern slip into my voice despite my lingering annoyance and anger with this… this idiot.
Michael looks into my eyes at last, and he looks both hurt and angry. "What's wrong? Tell me what's right, Levi! I've spent the last three years thinking only of you and coming back here to serve a purpose in this place. To feel like maybe I've found a home. Instead I come back and you ignore me, and shut me out! I get molested by some disgusting asshole, and now I'm about to be punished for giving him what he deserved. On top of all of that, there's an expedition coming where I have to go back out there to fight those things! I'll have to watch more people die just when I was getting better…" His hands cover his face, completely hiding it from my sight. What I can see in the moonlight is limited, but there are definitely wet spots now along his white shirt.
I allow Michael to breathe in the night air in silence, and take a few good lungfulls for myself. "I… am angry with you, Michael. That hasn't changed. But I am also so, so much angrier with that bastard who touched you. And those idiots from a few minutes ago. And Erwin!" I feel my composure slipping and regroup my thoughts. "I've always been angry at the way this world works… but, I could never be angry with you. Until I heard you were with someone else while you were away…"
Michael's sniffling slows and he wipes his cheeks on his sleeves. He glances everywhere but at me, trying to focus. "I- I… okay. That's alright, I understand. You have every right to be mad. I shouldn't have done that. I gave in to things I hadn't felt in a long time, but that isn't an excuse. I'm sorry." His deep sighs tell me he's sincere, but it isn't enough.
"An apology isn't going to fix anything. You don't even need to apologize, really. It's not like we're dating or anything." I stand and dust my pants off, and I can see the hurt on his face now. The cold atmosphere he's exuded all day has dissipated. I want to tell him to get some rest, but I know he won't.
"Levi…" His voice is a hoarse whisper that causes me to stop in my attempt to leave. I pause and await more, but nothing comes.
I leave Michael in the moonlit patch of grass, crying and shaking. It hurts to do so, but a petty part of me needs him to feel the pain he's placed in my melting heart.