Chapter 13
Poison
"I need to talk to you. Now." Aaron said as he walked into Hannah's office and closed the door behind him. "I can't stop thinking about you or our last fight or that letter, even while I was working this case in New Jersey. This has to stop."
Hannah closed her grade book, stood up, and walked around her desk toward him.
"I couldn't agree more, but we're not having this conversation in my office. We've kissed twice in this office."
After a long moment Aaron spoke.
"I'm not going to kiss you."
His less than immediate reaction earned an eye roll from Hannah and she turned back towards her desk, her eyes searching for her purse.
"You say that now but you just walked in and started an argument with me. The last time we argued in here, you kissed me. I know we need to talk about this, but we're not discussing it where no one can see us and we can get away with behavior like that."
Hannah didn't see her purse or phone on the desk and turned back around to find Aaron standing not even two inches in front of her.
"Stop talking." Aaron said before he slipped one hand behind her neck and the other under her butt, lifting her up and holding her body against his as he kissed her.
As she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist, Hannah kissed him back.
"Lock the door lock the door lock the door." Hannah said in one hurried breathe after Aaron stopped kissing her mouth and moved his lips down the nape of her neck.
He backed up, one hand holding her up as he searched behind him for the doorknob. Hannah found the knob first and locked it. With the door locked, Aaron turned them around and set her against the wood, but after a few seconds Hannah remembered a few classes getting out in a couple of minutes. She tapped on his shoulder and tried taking back control of her mouth, but he tasted too good to release. Aaron agreed too. His kisses became even more passionate and a bit aggressive. Hannah turned aggressive too, pulling his tie loose and running her nails through his hair. She heard a groan from Aaron when she did that. He responded by putting a hand under her blouse, running his fingers over her skin and under her bra, cupping and then massaging her breast with more and more force. A minute passed during all of this before Hannah heard voices coming down the hallway. After a couple of jabs Aaron stopped kissing her.
"What?"
"Students in the hallway. Not against the door."
Aaron nodded and carried her over to the sofa. The moment he set her down, he started unbuttoning her trousers, but she stopped that with a sharp slap on his hand. Aaron misinterpreted that she wanted to do it herself and started kissing her again. With his weight on top of her and his continuing kisses covering her mouth, Hannah found it very difficult to pull her head away and stop him. She liked his lips on hers, and his hand on her breasts, fingering her nipple, but when his free hand unzipped her trousers and then moved to his own, she stuck her knuckles in his sternum and pushed him up.
"Hannah!" Aaron said in pain.
He found his mouth covered by her hand as she glanced at the door behind him and put a finger against her lips. He nodded and when she moved her hand away he started kissing her again. For two seconds Hannah kissed him back, then pushed him away again.
"No, Aaron, we have to stop! We have to stop right now or we will cross that line and I don't want to cross that line." Hannah looked right into his eyes and said, "Aaron, you don't want to cross that line either. You swore you would remain faithful to Haley. You choose her."
Silent and a bit ashamed, Aaron backed away and zipped his trousers, then sank back onto the sofa next to Hannah when she moved her feet.
"Hannah, I'm so sorry."
"It's not just you. I was into it too. What the fuck are we doing, Aaron?" Aaron glanced over at her, his eyes wide as the color drained from his face. "Okay, bad word choice."
"I shouldn't have done that. I said I wouldn't kiss you and then five seconds later I'm kissing you."
"Aaron, I kissed you back."
They both fell quiet after that, Hannah watching Aaron as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. The silence felt peaceful. Without trying, they both found a breathing pattern to calm them.
"Aaron," Hannah glanced away for a moment before she looked him in the eyes and said, "Why haven't we said the words?"
"The words?"
"You know which words I'm speaking of. Why haven't we said them even once these past two years?"
"We never needed to say them."
"Why?"
"We see the words in our eyes." Aaron smiled as he said, "And I did not mean for that too sound as corny as it did."
"Don't worry. I understand what you mean."
"Good."
"So you see them in my eyes?"
"Every time we look at each other. Don't you see them in mine?"
"Yes," Hannah set her head on Aaron's chest and said, "And it drives me crazy."
As he touched her hair and kissed the top of her head, Aaron said the words that drove them both crazy.
"I love you, but we both want what we can't have."
Against her better judgment, Hannah slipped her hand under Aaron's dress shirt and caressed his chest. When he made no move to stop her, she stared into his eyes.
"You want to screw me on this sofa."
"So do you."
Hannah pulled her hand away and lifted her head off his chest.
"You're impossible Aaron."
"As are you but that doesn't make me want to leave."
They didn't speak again for a few minutes, or look at each other. Hannah tapped out a tune on the ball of her foot, while Aaron looked at her wall decorations behind him. Just as he noticed something new, Hannah grabbed his tie and directed his attention back to her. The look on her face, and the fact she sat on her knees facing him, told Aaron she had to get something cleared away. He touched her hand expecting one thing, but she drew it away and folded her hands on her lap.
"Aaron, I don't want you leaving your wife for me. If you did that, I wouldn't let you have me."
After a short pause to absorb her meaning, Aaron nodded.
"I know. That's one of the things I love about you the most, Hannah. You won't compromise your morals. For anyone. Even those you love."
Hannah's head sank onto his chest as she tightened her jaw. Tears threatened to flow and Hannah swallowed before she spoke. She couldn't let her voice crack. It would lead to one thing, then another, and cause them both more pain and misery than they felt even now.
"Why did I have to go and fall in love with you? I think I may go mad."
With a squeeze to reassure her, and a grin she couldn't see with her head still on his chest, Aaron tried to take her mind off the subject.
"I won't let you go mad, at least not alone, because I'll be accompanying you the entire way."
"Aaron, there are no co-ed rooms in insane asylums. I know this cause I've toured a few."
"What a strange childhood you had."
"You don't even know the half of it."
Hannah buried her face deeper in Aaron's chest and he held her tighter, breathing in the scent of her hair and breathing with her until he noticed the depth of her breaths and the damp on her shirt.
"Hannah?" Aaron tried to hold her away to see her face but she clung and refused to let him go. "Hannah!"
The sharp and biting tone startled her. Hannah sat straight up, her eyes moist from tears.
"I'm sorry."
"What's going on? What's wrong?"
"I think I've messed this up even more."
"What are you talking about?"
"Spencer knows everything. He invoked rule three when he came home from Delaware."
"Rule three is only for sexual relationships."
"Well Spencer made the executive decision that this case counts!"
"And what about my privacy?"
"What about my safety?"
"Your safety? Hannah, I would never hurt you!"
"You would never mean to hurt me, but look at everything we've been through since the damn gun range! You have been very physical with me. Rule three is meant to protect me and Spencer's been worried since I open up to him in Vegas. When he invoked rule three, I had to be completely open and honest with him, on the condition that he doesn't bring any of this up with you. So he knows everything now, except what just happened here today. And I really don't want to tell him about that."
"Everything?"
"Everything. The first and second kiss, the gun range, the hospital stairwell, Jenna's study-"
"Oh shit. You told him about Jenna's study?"
"We've been on very dangerous ground for weeks now, Aaron! At least Spencer's agreed to stay out of it unless something drastic happens and we need intervention. Spencer's leaving us to deal with our own mess and has agreed not to speak to you about any of this. You should be glad I'm not going to tell him that we just made out and came within ten seconds of having sex because you initiated it and I had to put an end to it."
"I'll remind you that you told me to look the door and was as into it as I was, and when you said stop, I stopped. And how can I be glad that you're not planning on telling him about today when you've already told him about Jenna's study? Damn it, Hannah, I have to work with him!"
"And I have to take your wife on a beach trip, get her drunk, and find out what she knows because you don't have the guts to do it yourself!"
"It's not as easy for me as it is for you. Haley and I never expected something like this."
"And you think I did?"
"What other reason would you have for rule one?"
The yank caught him unprepared. Hannah entwined her fingers through the part of his tie about his neck and around the two pieces hanging down, then pulled both. He stared into her eyes. They burned like ice blue fire but the moisture of the tears that began to appear at that moment set out putting those flames down. Aaron saw her in a wide range of emotions over the years, but never quite like this.
"I. Hate. That. I. Love. You. And. Can. Not. Have. You." Hannah took a deep breath but this time didn't push the air out through her nose. "I have rule one to protect myself from getting my heart broken, which you are very close to doing I love you Aaron, and it's driving me crazy!"
"I love you too, Hannah, and it drives me crazy."
Hannah burrowed in at Aaron's side, her arms wrapped around him, her head resting on his upper chest.
Settling back on the sofa, Aaron pulled her closer.
"This feels good. Just sitting here with you."
"I agree." Hannah tapped his leg with her knee. "Take off your shoes."
"Why?"
"I rarely wear shoes in my office. Take yours off and get comfortable. The tie needs to go too."
"What do you have against my ties?"
"They're either an implement to strangle you with when you're uptight and humorless, or a device for holding you hostage as I kiss you."
"I disagree with the first and embrace the second."
"We're not doing that, now take it off."
"Just what exactly are we doing once I take off my shoes and tie?" Aaron said as he removed both articles.
"We are going to sit here and enjoy each others company until you have to leave. We can do this quietly, just sitting in silence, or we can talk. I don't prefer one over the other, so it's up to you."
"We're going to be interrupted by a student, aren't we?"
"Now that you've jinxed it we will."
"Then I'll knock on wood."
"You would have to get up to knock on wood." Hannah tightened her grip around his torso. "That's not happening."
"Then a student is going to knock on the door."
"I'll tell them to go away. Are we going to keep talking about this or are we going to find a more suitable subject to discuss or just be silent?"
"I did walk in here with a purpose."
"I remember, and there is no suitable solution to that issue besides avoiding making out or having sex. We should work harder on that."
"Yes, that is a major issue, but the problem I walked in here with is how I can't get you off my mind."
"I have a solution to your problem of thinking about me even when you're working a case."
"What's your solution?"
"Pinch yourself."
"What?"
"It works. I do it all the time. Just the webbing of your hand is enough to do it."
"I'll try that, but I don't think it will be enough."
"Aaron, you're married with a son and you're in love with your subordinate's girlfriend who won't engage in a sexual relationship with a married man, which gives you no outlet for your frustrations. You'll have to make this work."
"Good point. I've never met anyone more frustrating that you. That's including Reid."
"He grows on you."
"He has. What's the trick for getting him off his rants?"
"Distraction. Also, getting him back on task and to the main point works a lot of the time. Are you having trouble with him?"
"No."
They fell back into a peaceful silence, save for Aaron's heart beating in Hannah's ear. When Aaron knew he needed to head home, he moved slow, putting on one shoe, then the other, wrapping his tie around his neck, getting it straight, fixing his hair, then tucking in his shirt. Hannah watched him the entire time from the sofa, directing his grooming with helpful reminders.
Once he finished, Aaron turned once in the middle of the office, and when he had Hannah's approval, he kissed her on the cheek and left.