Disclaimer: Characters owned by J K Rowling.

Summary:

Castle of Destiny – 1971

Burning Fireworks

It was New Years Eve.

It was five forty in the afternoon.

And Remus was in his dormitory preparing for the coming full moon, much to his annoyance.

Because of his curse, he was going to miss the feast, the fireworks, and his sleep. But worst of all, he was leaving his best friend on his own until the next morning. He had never felt so guilty about a transformation. Since he had been friends with Sirius, James and Peter, every transformation had never meant that one of them would be alone. However, James and Peter had gone home for the Christmas holidays.

Unfortunately, it could not be helped.

Putting his travelling cloak over his shoulders, he took a deep breath before wandering over to Sirius's bed.

"S-S-Sirius?" he began quietly, trying not to show his friend his guilty eyes. "I h-have to visit m-my m-m-mother tonight. I-I-I'm really s-sorry, I d-don't want to l-l-leave you alone, b-but I have t-to go..." He trailed off awkwardly, wringing his hands agitatedly. "I'm s-s-sorry, S-Sirius."

-----

Sirius blinked up at Remus for a couple of seconds before smiling reassuringly. "Don't worry about it, Remus! Your mothers sick! I mean, I'll still be here when you get back! I'll just, I dunno, go to bed early or something. C'mon, I'll walk you down to the doors."

-----

Remus gave an awkward, sad smile, wrapping his arms around himself as his chest began to ache. "Th-thank you," he said quietly, before turning and heading out of the dorm.

-----

Sirius half ran half skipped to keep up with Remus. For some reason, his friend was walking awfully quickly, with seemingly no effort at all...

They soon arrived at the doors, and Sirius stood awkwardly, wondering how best to tell Remus that he'd miss him - that he would be lonely, that he hoped Remus' mother would get better soon, just so that Sirius didn't have to share, anymore...

-----

Remus stood by the doors, looking at his feet awkwardly. "W-well," he said, gripping himself harder, "I h-h-hope you h-have some f-f-fun tonight. I'm s-sorry I can't be h-here, but I'm s-sure some G-Gryffindors will talk t-t-to you if you d-do. Everyone s-s-seems to like y-you." He smiled awkwardly. "I-I-I'm sorry a-again, Siri."

And after hugging the other boy briefly, he turned and strode out through the doors.

-----

Sirius stared after Remus as walked off, a bitter smile on his face. He stood there, for about half an hour, before he realised that someone was standing next to him. He looked round, inhaling sharply in surprise, and stepping backwards, his eyes widening at the sight of Albus Dumbledore. The Headmaster was standing there, hands behind his back, resplendent in shockingly purple robes. He didn't look at Sirius, merely stared straight ahead, out of the gap in the not-quite-closed doors, at the star-spangled sky. Sirius swallowed, and went back to staring aimlessly into the darkness.

They stood there for a few more minutes, before Sirius finally spoke. "Sir?"

Dumbledore looked round now, peering over the top of his half-moon spectacles, his eyes twinkling. "Yes, my boy?" He replied kindly.

"Why... Why do you let Remus leave? Why can't he stay here?" Dumbledore's wrinkled face crumpled into a sad smile.

"Do you really not know? Surely he told you? His mother is ill, Mr. Black. Dangerously so. Every time Mr. Lupin goes, it could be the very last. Surely you would not begrudge him that?"

Sirius went back to staring outside, looking determinedly away from Dumbledore. The Headmaster had just turned to leave, when Sirius finally spoke. "Sir?" He whispered. "Is... Is it so wrong of me, sir, to be this selfish?" He jumped when Dumbledore patted him reassuringly on the shoulder.

"Not at all, my boy. It's just natural. In fact, I'd say Mr. Lupin is blessed indeed to have such a close friend. It seems the Sorting Hat saw something that I did not when it placed the two of you there." Sirius was silent for a moment.

"I don't think it matters, Sir. What house we're in. We... We would have been friends anyway. I... It's impossible to imagine otherwise." Dumbledore just smiled, and walked away into the Great Hall, from which flickers of candlelight and delighted shouts of laughter were escaping.

Sirius stood silently for a moment, before he turned, and made his way into the deserted darkness of the school.

-----

Sirius leaned back against the damp stone wall of the Astronomy Tower with a sigh. He tipped his head back, and stared up at the night sky, years of Astronomy tutoring enabling him to instantly spot the star he was named after. Sirius, the Dog Star. He scowled, and his eyes scanned the heavens, stopping only when they found his little brother. Regulus.

It's times like this, Reggie, when I'm all alone and cold and it's dark and I'm lonely that I really...

I really miss you!

And I wish... I wish I'd never come here. I wish I was still safe at home, with you.

He let out a choked sob, and wiped his eyes with his robe sleeves. He slid slowly to the floor, and sat, resting his forehead on his knees. Slowly melting snow soaked into his robes, making him shiver.

It's... It's too cold to feel.

He sat like that for hours, not moving, not even thinking, until a sudden shock of light and sound made him look up.

What....?

He stood up slowly, the green and yellow and pink and blue light of the fireworks flickering across his frozen face.

Make a wish, Sirius...

He turned, and with a swish of sodden black robes, stumbled down the staircase and headed for Gryffindor Tower, leaving behind only the fireworks spraying out over the midnight sky, electric shocks riddled with the echoing howls of a wolf.

-----

Remus awoke with a yowl of agony, not even bothering to open his eyes. Last night had been hell; the fireworks had frightened the wolf to such an extent that the barely-aware Remus was worried that he would die. He had passed out the moment he had transformed back into a human, and could not recall being taken back to the school.

He wished he had not woken up, for he could not stop screaming. He could hear Madam Pomfrey trying to comfort him as she worked rapidly, and was even conscious of Professor McGonagall running into the room, but nothing seemed to work. From what he could hear over his screams, he had broken his leg badly enough for the bone to pierce through the skin, fractured his arm to almost the same degree, and was bleeding heavily from a deep wound in his abdomen.

He finally noticed that he was screaming words, not just sounds. "Sirius! Where's Sirius? I need to apologise! SIRIUS!!"

It was about then that someone forced a burning liquid down his throat, and everything went black instantaneously.

-----

Sirius burst into the Hospital Wing with all the force and chaos of hurricane. He hurtled over to Madam Pomfrey, and managed to choke out the word 'Remus!' before doubling up, panting.

"My goodness!" cried the startled nurse. "Did you run all the way here?!"

Sirius nodded, still panting. "From... Gryffindor..." The nurse tutted, and tried to hand him a glass of water.

"Well there really was no need, he's still unconscious! Which means you'll have to go back to the Tower and wait! Didn't Professor McGonagall tell you we'd fetch you when he woke up?!" Sirius snarled and batted away the glass of water.

"Just tell me where Remus is! Now!" The nurse huffed angrily, but before she'd had a chance to make an annoyed retort, Sirius spotted Remus distinctive sandy hair, and bolted over to his friend's bedside.

Remus looked terrible. He really did. Sirius flicked a stray piece of hair off Remus' face, and plonked himself down on a chair to wait.

-----

"Sirius!"

Remus snapped open his eyes abruptly, trying to sit up as he did so. The sudden stab of pain was too much, however, and he just whimpered, clenching his fists and closing his eyes again. He felt terrible; he could feel the bandages wrapped around almost every inch of his body. His mind was clouded with potions, he was barely keeping conscious, and he assumed that he had been given some sort of painkilling potion. From the amount of bandages he could feel, the pain was hardly enough.

Suddenly thinking of Sirius again, he tried to speak to anyone nearby, but ended up coughing agonisingly and uncontrollably for a minute or so. When he finally quietened, he realised that speaking would be difficult, if not impossible. Taking a short, sharp breath, he managed to whisper Sirius's name, asking someone, anyone, to find him.

"I need to apologise," he croaked, before collapsing into coughing again.

-----

Sirius leapt up at Remus' whimpers of pain, and stared, aghast as the other boy started calling for him. "Hey! Hey, Remus, I'm here! I'm right here! Remmy, it's me! It's Sirius, I... I'm right here, Remus!"

Instead of hugging the injured boy - considering it would probably do more harm than good - Sirius settled for holding on to one un-bandaged hand.

-----

Remus eventually stopped coughing and fluttered open his eyes, his golden gaze alighting on the other boy. "Sirius," he murmured, seeing their joined hands and suddenly able to feel it, too. Suddenly feeling loved, he squeezed the other boy's hand, closing his eyes again and choking out a sob.

"I-I-I'm sorry, Sirius!" he wailed, clutching his hand as though it was the only thing tethering him to the world. "I d-d-didn't want t-to leave you, y-y-you know that, r-r-right? P-p-please f-forgive me!"

-----

Bewildered, Sirius nodded. "Of course I do, Remus! You're... You're my friend! You're loyal, and you're kind, and I know you'd never abandon me - unless it was for some other, greater good. You can't help it that your mother's sick. And I know that it's important for you to be there for her. So I have no right to be selfish, or hold a grudge. I'm not the kind of person that would resent you being there for the people that you love!"

-----

Remus tried to smile, but the movement hurt his cheeks. He just wished that he did not feel so guilty about blaming his absences on the mother that he no longer had. "Th-th-thank you," he said, finally relaxing into the soft bed. As his tears stopped falling, he blinked his eyes open again. Locking gazes with Sirius, he squeezed his hand gently. "Wh-wh-what happened t-to me?" he breathed, needing to know his cover story.

-----

Sirius shrugged. "How should I know?! First I heard was McGonagall telling some third year to go and get me from the Dorm because you were injured and um... Calling for me. So I just legged it and came. Are you really badly hurt Remus? I mean, obviously you are, but... You are going to be okay, right?"

-----

Remus sighed, finally looking away from his friend to glance at himself. Although many of the bandages he could feel were hidden by a pair of plain school pyjamas (although supplied by the Hospital Wing, they were nicer than his own), he could see copious amounts of damage. His right leg was bound tightly with bandages, slightly stained from the blood that was seeping through from about half-way up his shin, and was elevated about a foot off the bed by a strange loop that hung from a metal frame beside his bed. His right arm was resting in a sling, wrapped thickly enough that his thin fingers looked like worms emerging from snow. And although he could not see it, the heavy weight of the dressing over his stomach was haunting him like a ghoul. Fingers were held in splints, sticking plasters were dotted all over him, and he could feel a dressing fixed to a gash above his left eye.

Unfortunately, he found himself unable to answer Sirius's question.

He glanced up as Madam Pomfrey appeared at his bedside, an anxious look on her face. "How are you feeling, Remus?" she asked softly, leaning over to press her hand lightly to his forehead.

He had to think about that for a moment. "I d-d-don't really know," he stammered. "I c-c-can't really f-feel anything, b-b-but I can't th-think straight."

"That's just the painkiller, Remus," she assured, taking her hand away. "At least they're working. I worried that they wouldn't be strong enough." She fell silent for a moment, her concerned gaze searching. "You were hit by a car, Remus," she said softly, finally answering his earlier question. "You were crossing the road from the hospital to get to the train station, and it knocked you down. Driving with no lights on, honestly! You're just lucky one of the Healers was leaving from her shift and saw you in the road - any longer without treatment and you would have died from blood loss." The look in her eyes at this last phrase told Remus that this was true, and he gripped Sirius's hand tightly in a moment of sudden fear. "Your mother insisted that the Healers returned you here when they told her. It seems her short moment of lucidity made her recall conversations about your friends, and she ordered that they brought you here so that they could help with your recovery."

Remus sank his head back into the pillows in silent despair. "W-will I be O-O-OK?" he asked quietly, hoping for a professional answer to Sirius's question.

Madam Pomfrey finally smiled. "Of course, Remus, there's nothing to worry about," she assured, rubbing his uninjured shoulder softly. "You'll be here for another day or so, but you'll make a full recovery." At Remus' answering half-smile, she left the two friends alone to talk.

Remus said nothing for a long time, just thinking. He had not known that fireworks frightened the wolf, for they had never been something that It had had to endure before and he hoped that It would never have to endure them again, for his own sake. He could not recall ever being so badly mauled by It; even the first moon had been kinder than this.

Finally snapping out of his reverie, he turned to Sirius again. "S-so, how was the f-feast?" he asked, his stutter already lessening as he slid back into normal conversation with his friend.

-----

Sirius blinked rapidly, his eyes wide and shining. "The FEAST?!" He croaked, his voice catching. "Who CARES about the FEAST?! You... You almost DIED! How could... How could this HAPPEN?!"

How could I let this happen?!

He laid his head down on the blue hospital sheet next to Remus, and draped his arm over an un-bandaged patch of torso in semblance of a hug. "I'm sorry, Remus. I..."

I should have done something!

Anything.

"You shouldn't go there anymore, Remmy. It's not safe."

If you're there, I can't protect you.

"Or... Or I should come with you, just to... Just to keep you from being hurt! Your mother wouldn't want this, would she? She wouldn't want you sacrificing yourself just for a visit!"

I cannot lose you, Remus.

"And I didn't GO to the feast. Why would I go to the FEAST when my friend is visiting his dying mother?!"

I just can't.

-----

Remus could not stop himself from crying as Sirius spoke to him, and he painfully moved his unbroken arm to take one of his hands again. "D-d-don't worry about m-me, Siri," he said quietly, nothing but sincerity in his voice. "I-I-I'm just c-clumsy, that's all. I'm s-s-sure th-that my mother will ask f-f-for one of the H-Healers to escort me, n-now, s-s-so I sh-should be safe."

'I'm sorry, Siri. I don't want to lie to you, but I have no choice. If you knew what I was...'

He gripped the other boy's hand tightly, closing his eyes to try and stop his tears. "Y-you shouldn't st-st-stop having fun b-because I'm not there. I-i-it'll be easier wh-when James and P-P-Peter are back, y-you'll have someone with you, b-b-but d-don't stop being you. I c-c-couldn't stand it if I kn-kn-knew th-that you kept worrying about m-me whenever I'm away." He took a deep, shuddering breath, hoping that more oxygen would help him speak. It did not. "P-p-please, f-for me, just b-be happy when I'm a-a-away. P-please, Siri."

-----

Sirius snorted and closed his eyes, tightening his hold ever so slightly. "Don't be stupid, Remus. As if I could-"

As if I could be happy with you anywhere else but here with me.

"Look. I'm never going to be happy about it. But don't stress yourself too much, Remus. It's not your fault. It's the way I am. Really."

-----

Remus gave a half-hearted smile. "Just d-don't be afraid, Sirius. N-n-never be scared ab-b-bout me. Everything w-will turn out O-OK eventually, I p-p-promise."

'I can look after myself. As long as you're my friend, I can look after myself.'