A/N: Is it safe to emerge from where I have been hiding from various people's wrath and general fury? It is? Wonderful. Sorry! I know I left an awful lot unanswered at the end of the last chapter. But that was only because I am going to take up a fair few chapters by answering various questions about the pregnancy, especially why they can't keep the baby. So, here goes with chapter fourteen. By the way, 167 reviews, nice : ) Thanks guys, I love you!

Arguments

BPOV

We have been over this again and again, and yet still he asks questions, still he asks me why. Does he honestly think that I am doing this because I want to? Does he think that I don't care? Does he really think that knowing what I have to do isn't going to kill me just that bit more inside? How the hell did it come to this, us standing in a hotel room, screaming at each other, his fists clenched, me throwing clothes into a suitcase, screaming insults at each other? How did this happen?

"Just tell me why!" he bellows, frustration written on his face.

"I have told you why, over and over again!" I scream back, tired of this argument.

"You've told me fuck all, Bella, and I have aright to -"

"Don't even think about going down that route! You think I don't know what's best?"

"What makes you the authority? Just because you've done this before?"

"Yes, actually! Believe it or not, I do know -"

"You know nothing! You left your baby on the steps of some orphanage, because you were to selfish to bother with him!"

"Don't you dare, don't you dare accuse me of being selfish! I did what I did because I had no other choice! I didn't look old enough to have a baby with me! When I had him, when I gave birth, I was alone, and it was 1901, for Christ's sake! They would have taken him from me anyway, I just did what I had to do!"

"So because you were scared, you left a baby -"

"I didn't know how he'd turn out! He could have inherited any of my powers! If I raised him knowing about our world, he wouldn't have been controlled!"

"He was mortal, Bella, or so you say! Or is everything you say one massive lie?"

"Oh, fuck you, Jasper, I don't need this right now!"

"This is my child too! I want a say in what happens to him or her!"

"Well then, that's too fucking bad, isn't it, because just for once, we're going to have to do this my way!"

"We do everything your way, Bella! You won't even tell me why we're going to just abandon our baby!"

"We aren't going to abandon the baby, we are going to leave baby in the care of people who can take care of it!"

"It?! That's our child to you? It? And however much you sugar coat this, it isn't going to mean we aren't abandoning our child! And tell me why, damnit, stop evading the fucking question!" "I have fucking well told you why!"

"No, you haven't, Bella, you spouted some shit about it being best! This isn't best, we should be keeping this child!"

"And how do you think you'll cope?" I scream - well aware that I'm hitting below the belt. "Our child will be mortal, Jasper, and that means baby will have beating heart and pulsing blood, and baby will smell so good, Jasper, and how do you think that you'll deal with that?"

There is a very long, very cold silence. I'm breathing hard, glaring at him, as he glares right back. When he speaks again, his voice is a venomous hiss.

"No, Bella. No. Don't you dare hold that over me. You know I'm better, you know I'm better at control. I would never hurt my child."

"This isn't going to be some cute and giggly pretty baby, with lovely curly hair and little bootees, Jasper! This is going to be a child who will inherit at least one of my powers, and I don't have any way of knowing to what degree! James warned me that if I raised the child as a vampire, there would be no way to control it! And do I need to get into what Aro would do with an immortal child who cannot die, stops aging at twenty-one and has some power which I don't know about? Aro is looking for an excuse to kill me!"

"Are you asking me to choose?"

"What do you mean, choose?"

"Are you asking me to choose between having my child with us - or keeping you safe and with me?"

"I'm not asking you to choose. I'm telling you what we have to do. Aro would treat our baby as an experiment - and I don't know what sort! I don't know if our baby would survive! And I am begging you not to make me watch my baby suffer!"

"It's my baby too," he whispers, looking at me. He doesn't look angry now. He looks so terribly defeated.

"I know, Jay, I know. I know that. And if I had any other choice, do you think I'd be planning this? My God, no! if there was any way, any other way, I would take it!"

"But it's our child," he whispers, helplessly, looking at me. "Our child, and you're asking me to give up everything I ever wanted to have with you. You're asking me to give up the dream that I never thought would I would ever get to have with you. And now that it's suddenly somehow possible, you are asking me to walk away from it?"

"We both have to," I say back, sitting on the bed suddenly. I wrap my arms around my tummy. He crawls up behind me, and I lean back into his chest. He doesn't put his arms around me, but he doesn't push me away, either. "Do you hate me very much?"

JPOV

I can hear the heartbreak in her voice even through the fury. But it's the vulnerability and fear and sadness in her voice as she asks me if I hate her that screws me up inside. Do I really think she'd be doing this if she had a choice?

"Do you hate me very much?"

"I don't hate you," I sigh. But I still can't bring myself to hug her.

"But you don't like me."

"Not right now, no," I admit, truthfully. "I always promised I'd never lie to you." I back off from her, and her shoulders slump. She pats her tummy. There's no bump yet. I wonder how I'll cope when one does develop. When it looks visibly real.

"I deserve that," she murmurs. She looks up at me. I know the expression. If she was ten and human, her eyes would be brimming with tears, tears she didn't want me to see, but couldn't stop. "I'll get another room tonight."

"We can ignore each other in here."

"But you don't want to look at me," she whispers. Can she read my mind? I'm finding it a struggle being in the same room at all. Looking at her makes me angry, sad and bitterly upset all at the same time. "I'll get another room. We can carry on tomorrow, or not. We'll talk."

"Is there anything left to talk about?"

"There's always something left to talk about, Jay. Always."

She got some other room, and we spent that night apart. I imagined her reading maybe, or watching the telly, with the sound turned really low, so humans wouldn't be bothered by it, but she'd hear it. I spent the night fully dressed and sitting on what should have been our bed staring at the wall. I didn't so much as twitch all night. I heard her moving occasionally.

But I never heard the important bit.

When I went to see her the next morning, I knocked and waited, like a guest would. And when I knocked, my rings flashed. The engagement ring I'd insisted upon wearing because I wanted everyone to know how happy I was - and the wedding ring she'd put on my hand. Her voice saying her vows is clearer than it was on the day.

I, Isabella Marie Swan, take thee, Jasper Adam Whitlock, to be my lawful wedded husband. To have and to hold, for now and for forever, no matter what may come between us. I love you - and I will continue to do so until the eternal darkness comes for me.

I knocked again, frowning. Why wasn't she answering the damn door? If she was showering, I'd not only be able to hear the shower, but her voice, telling me to wait. I try the door, and it isn't locked. I go in. I see the note straight away, and my heart drops a mile.

My darling Jaybird

I'm so sorry. I promised not three weeks ago that I would stay by your side forever - but I can't hurt you like this. I'm being utterly selfish. I have gone away, to have this baby and do what is ultimately best for our baby - not for me. I am not doing this to hurt you. I love you, I love you with everything there is left of my twisted, blackened heart. You think I am a monster, and you are right. I am such a terrible person, and as everything I do hurts you, I shall never do anything again. When I have had this baby, I will go to Volterra. It won't take much to irritate Jane. You can move on. I have caused you so much hurt, and words will never be enough to apologise. I told you once when we were children that if I ever hurt you, it would be my final act - and now I intend to keep my promise. Go back to the Cullen's, go back to them and keep safe. They were your family. In a hundred years or so, I will simply be a footnote in your own personal history. You're so much stronger than you believe, and I know that you will be able to survive without me. I, however, would not be able to survive without you, and I know that if I stay with you, make you watch this pregnancy and then leave our child with strangers, you would leave. Perhaps not right away. But one day, maybe a hundred years from now, you would go. You wouldn't be able to look at my face again, and I would never be able look in your eyes without terrible guilt. There's so much left for you to learn - and maybe one day you'll find someone worthy of you to teach it to you.

Goodbye, my darling, darling love.

Angel.

My hands shake as I pick up the tiny box on the table with the note. I already know what is inside - but the sight of her rings still makes my knees give way.

A/N: Oh, God, please review. i'm quite, quite scared of reactions, and I'm desperate to know what you think. i love you all, although you may no longer love me. It isn't finished yet!