"Glenn, how many houses are we going to?" Beth asked.
Are we there yet?
"Well, you're almost done for the day. But Maggie and I..." Glenn trailed off.
"There's so much stuff. So many things. How will we take it all?"
"We won't. We only take what we need."
Beth remembered they had only loaded up the Dodge with three bins of canned food. Even half of that, expired. And the tedium of the day had turned this exciting scavenger hunt into huge slog. The amount of belongings they left surprised Beth. We don't need that, that's not what we're here for, we don't have room for that, the kids will fight over this if you can't find five more …
Beth's fingers ran along a box. She lifted the lid. A one-legged ballerina with a lopsided head stared back at her, waiting for her comeback dance. Beth closed the box and investigated the underside. She found the key, twisted it, and placed the music box upright on the dresser. She lifted the lid up. The ballerina twirled for her.
"What do we need?" she finally asked Glenn.
"Batteries. Medicine. But you won't find it in this room. Unless the 9-year old girl who used to live here was secretly into camping or playing doctor with her friends."
Beth looked around the room taking in the pink bedspread with ruffled, cream colored pillows. Smiling, she caught Glenn's eye. "I doubt that."
"Get out of here and check the bathrooms, will ya?"
"Okay," she said, watching Glenn leave. He was always so patient with her. Glenn looked at her when she talked.
Beth turned back to the music box, the ballerina still dancing to Blue Danube. The cylinder turned slower and slower, and the ballerina caught as she turned. Beth picked up a large black hair bow inside the box. Underneath, she found a shoelace holding together small pastel orange and green packets. "Sunflowers, peas, peonies, tomato, and cucumber," she whispered to herself. They were seeds. Beth placed the hairbow back into the music box, closing the lid. She took the seeds, placed them into her plastic bin and headed towards the hallway bathroom.
"Beth." She heard Rick call for her as she passed the top of the stairs. She ran downstairs into the kitchen towards Rick's voice.
"Hey," he said. "Throw this in your bin." A command, not a question. Rick was in work-mode and tossed a bottle of pills to her. She caught the the bottle, and he returned back to shuffling through drawers. She read the label - "ibuprofen." Dad will be happy, she thought. Beth knew he would give the medicine to others before taking any himself. She strived to be kind like her father.
Beth was unsure if she should stay or head back to the bathroom. But the windows were as long as the day, and sunlight filled the kitchen. Where shadows ruled the prison, this house felt like electricity still coursed through its interior. The cool air hung around from the morning, and chirping insects beat the tunes of a late-summer day.
I'll stay for awhile. The bathroom will only take a moment to look through.
She picked up a framed picture next to the dining table. Beth wiped the dust from the glass onto her jeans as cabinet doors opened and closed behind her. Two children and their parents were kneeling on a windy beach. Windbreakers floated around their heads as they all smiled back at her. The children beamed brightly, and the mom angled her body towards the dad.
"Beth!" She turned around and a first aid kit flew towards her. She cradled the frame and bottle of pills in her arms to catch the kit. She heard a crack. "I'm sorry," Rick apologized with a smile. "I thought you were still-"
"It's not a problem," she said. The glass on the picture fractured the family in half. Damage already done, Beth returned the frame to its shelf.
"I think that's it," Rick said. He turned to Beth, hands on his hips. "Are you done with all the bathrooms?"
"Not yet." His hands flew by his side in confusion. "I'm almost done though." She turned and flew up the stairs with the pills and kit.
"Since the Woodbury crew came, we're running through supplies faster," Rick said.
"According to Carol, we're not doing bad on food. What we're bringing back should be enough for awhile. But we need ammo and batteries," Glenn said.
"Hershel says we're also low on medicine. He's been using liquor to sterilize. Did you find anything?"
Glenn shook his head.
"Shit. Walkers, men with guns - and then to die by something smaller than a bullet…. That'd be rough."
"I don't get sick." Glenn squatted, shoving a gun into his bag. "And when I get older than you, then I'll worry about old age."
"Hey, guys?" Beth yelled from the bathroom.
"Yeah?" Glenn answered.
"What's X-annex?"
"It's Xanax," Glenn replied.
"Leave it," Rick yelled.
"Take it," Glenn yelled.
Rick cocked his head sideways and then raised his eyebrows. "Is this what you and Maggie do without supervision?"
"What? You just got done saying we need medicine." He stood up, throwing his bag over his shoulder, changing the subject. "Maggie and I will grab what we can in the next row of houses."
"Okay, I'll load up what we have in your truck."
"We'll find a place for all us tonight. Look for both cars parked in front of a house. That's where we'll be."
The ark. Our safety during the flood.
"Beth and I will go out back. Should find something in the woods."
Glenn whistled. "Spooky." His smile disappeared and he put his hand on Rick's shoulder. Glenn took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "Maggie and I were talking and we're fine to take Beth out if you don't want to, if you need time alone to figure, you know, things out."
Judith, Carl and Lori. But there's only room for two.
Rick kept a smile plastered on his face as his heart freefell into his stomach, the subject change too abrupt.
Lori places Judith into Carl's arms and motions him up the ramp.
"At the prison, there's not much time to collect your thoughts and-" Glenn continued to talk.
Rick pleads for Lori to follow the kids.
Rick continued to smile and shook his head. "No, no. We'll stick to the plan. You guys keep going."
Lori retreats into the fog, and the rain starts to fall.
The rows of houses ended with a flat, grassy field. A forest beyond the field hid the rest of their view.
What secrets did they used to hide, Beth wondered. Girls writing in their journals, boys playing hide and seek. But all those kids are gone now; the forest is empty.
"Ready?" Rick asked.
"There's nothing here, so there's probably nothing there."
"There's nothing here, so there's definitely something there," he countered. "No people here, but you can bet there are animals there. Where there's food, there's walkers."
"There's food here. And here we are. Maybe we're not so different than walkers."
Rick sighed, squinting in the sun. "Distant cousins, maybe. C'mon."
Beth tapped her back pocket, feeling for Daryl's knife through the fabric as she followed RIck.
He grabbed Beth's arm and crouched down. "See it?" he asked. The walker was out of earshot and difficult to see. Rick wondered if the walker wore a camouflage jacket or just happened to fall into a pile of wet leaves.
"No," she said frankly.
"Right there." She leaned closer and followed his arm.
"Oh, duh! I see," she said, excitedly, a little too loud.
Rick promised himself he would show Carl more when he got back to the prison. Maybe one day they could have a school, teach the kids. Hands-on and demonstrations, not solely lectures and dictation.
Rick recalled the promise he made to Hershel. "Keep my daughter safe. Teach her the ways of this new world, but err on the side of caution." Rick decided he would show Beth two rules in the open field, you can run and you can hide. Those are good and valid options, options that keep you alive. Fighting would come later at the prison, through the fence.
He turned to her. "First rule," he said with a dramatic pause. "Avoid them. Run." He stood up, and Beth matched him. Beth was expecting a fight, Rick knew that, but he was giving her coward's advice. The annoyance rose inside Beth and bubbled to the surface, the furrowed brow and the accusing eyes.
There was another way to stop a fight - distraction. Rick would do something unexpected, he would lighten the mood. He pointed at Beth, a serious frown on his face. "Did you just try to roll your eyes at me?"
The color rose to her cheeks. She shook her head, her blonde hair creating a halo around her face. Rick caught the glimpse of a smile, the sin forgiven.
He swallowed, and the sound reverberated through his body - a small moment that felt so grand. When you hear the mechanizations of your body, you are on display to everyone. A gulp, the knees popping, a loud breath, and then - the pounding of blood in your head, the beat of your heart? They have you. Never let them see you sweat.
"What's the first rule again?" she asked. Over Beth's shoulder, Lori swayed in the distance. "Are you sure it's not grabbing your knife?" She pulled Daryl's knife from her back pocket.
Rick shook his head. "No, run. Always run." He blinked his eyes, and Lori was gone.
"What are we doing standing here then?" she asked. They walked deeper into the forest.
Rick admonished himself for getting too lost in his thoughts. That's when he saw Lori. At least that is when he told himself he saw Lori. Underneath the layers of knowing, Rick knew he did not know.
When he closed his eyes and walked down the hidden staircases of his mind, Rick found a locked door. He believed Lori lived there. Traveling through these twisted hallways, whispers reminded him how he also failed his family. Real families had a mother. A father. His son and daughter had neither. Rick's soul dragged behind him like a ragdoll. He did not know how to pull it back inside.
"Rick!" Beth said.
The leaves rustled in the familiar pattern - a cacophony of crunches and sliding dirt and groaning. There were at least ten, and they were closer than they should have been. He should have seen them first. Rick held his arm out and walked backwards, keeping himself between Beth and the walkers. A cluster of trees appeared to his right. He motioned Beth towards the trees, and she knelt behind the base of the trunks.
Rick kneeled behind Beth. "Rule two," he whispered into her ear. Her hands gripped the tree tighter. "Hide." She said nothing and his words reverberated through the air. His back felt cold and open, vulnerable to the emptiness of the woods behind. Hairs rose on his exposed skin. They were isolated and alone, drowning in the ocean.
But Rick's body was ready to fight.
He took deeper breaths to relax. The warrior inside would need to lay down his hatchet for the moment. The group would build a system to teach the adolescents how to fight, in stages, and manage the chaos of learning. But today was not the day. There were too many walkers and this was only the first act. The climax would come another day.
Hushed, they hid behind the collection of trees. The trees understood the concept of safety in numbers. Branches hugging other branches, growing and intertwining together, showing humans how to survive in this new world.
Did he disappoint Beth? Did she want to fight walkers? Had he pulled the rug out from underneath her on this trip?
Go with Rick, he'll teach you how to fight.
Had she not been lied to, tricked, and manipulated?
But who had not been tricked? He was promised a wife, a family, a house, a retirement party at the local bar. No one got these things anymore. She had to feel this, disappointment.
Rick smelled the youth in front of him, the blonde hair somehow smelled clean. His arm rested to the outside of hers. He contrasted his tanned, hardened arm against her milky-white, soft skin. Beth had somehow been physically shielded from the realities of this new world. The walkers blurred into the background as he saw Beth rest her cheek on the tree. God never wanted her here.
The walkers shuffled closer to their hiding spot, but they were still over a hundred yards away. Rick and Beth were not in their direct path, not like-
"Don't leave me here." Sophie turned up to Rick, with pleading eyes.
Rick squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head.
"Why don't we fight? I'm not afraid," Beth whispered, pulling him back.
"There's too many." In this world of so little, there were always too many.
Rick continued to mumble words. "We live to fight another day." Did he sound like an adult? Did he sound smart?
The walkers stumbled past. A symphony of crispy leaves, snapping limbs, and dragging feet drew Beth into a lull. Rick tensed his body to stay alert, removing his attention from Beth to the parade in front of them. He saw their future selves in that line, the walking dead. Yet, he also believed they would never end up in that state.
Schrodinger's cat - what would you see when you finally opened the box?
The last walker passed them, and Beth stayed low. Rick finally stood, his knees creaking and his back stiff, the reminders of age. Perhaps the slow movements looked calm and purposeful to Beth. She stood and looked to her teacher for guidance.
"What's the first rule?" he asked.
"Run," she whispered.
"Then?"
"Hide."
He patted her on her shoulder. "Good. You got it, kid." Beth turned her head towards the houses beyond the trees, and he could see the curve of her chin.
Kid.