Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

Chapter 14

She had been in the hospital with him for a week and already she was missing her gun. At first it had been fun, they had learned a lot about each other and shamelessly flirted, but then he started to get bored of sitting in bed all day, he wanted to get out of the hospital and being stuck in it was making her cranky too.

They had established that a cranky Jane and a cranky Lisbon did not mix well, at all.

However the crankiness disappeared early on Saturday morning when Elise stopped by on her way to work.

"Good morning." She said happily to the pair as she sat down on the edge of Lisbons bed, since Grace had been ousted as a mad serial killer Jane had noticed that Lisbon seemed to be getting closer to Elise and she and her sister Jessica got on brilliantly too.

"Morning." Lisbon said with a smile, glad to have anyone other than Jane to talk too.

She put her hand up to the late and wiggled her fingers, Lisbon gasped as she saw a ring glittering there, "Congratulations!" She squealed in a very Un-Lisbonish way.

"Congrats." Jane told her with a smile after she had hugged Lisbon.

"Thanks." She beamed at him, "He asked me last night, he said he realised after what happened with you two that life was short and he didn't want any regrets then he asked me to marry him!"

Lisbon was obviously genuinely happy for her friend because she was smiling almost as much as Elise was, "That's really sweet, have you set a date yet?"

She sat back down on Lisbons bed, "Not a specific date, but we decided we would get married in the fall, early August." She beamed as she talked about it, "We want you two to be completely healed before the wedding."

Lisbon thought ahead, it was early June now, they got released in 3 weeks and they had to have a months rest at home before they could go back to work so by the time it got to late July they should be good as new. She was honoured that they had set the wedding aside in order to wait for Jane and herself to get better.

"I have a favour I want to ask you though." Elise said to Lisbon, still smiling, but looking a little tentative, "I know we've only really gone to yoga together and talked through group meetings, but you're my closest female friend." She admitted, then a little sheepishly she asked, "Will you be the main bridesmaid at the wedding?"

Lisbon felt tears well up in her eyes as she hugged Elise and replied, "Of course!"

Elise grinned, "I can't wait now, its going to be perfect!" She said happily, "And as soon as you get out of here we can go dress shopping!"

The two women had seemed to have forgotten Jane was there as they began to talk about the wedding, but he didn't mind at all, watching Lisbons eyes light up when Elise mentioned that she wanted the bridesmaids to wear lilac, Lisbons favourite colour made him happy. He liked to watch her and watching her now while she was laughing and smiling made everything they had gone through in the last week seem worthwhile because she was alive.

It was then that he realised he had to let go. He was in love with a beautiful woman, a woman whose laugh warmed his heart rather than sent a cold chill running through him. He was in love with a woman who he could hug, he could kiss, he could run his fingers through her hair, place a hand on her warm cheek. He had to let go of his dead wife and daughter because they were gone, they were memories that were fading by the day.

He had loved them, but they had moved on to another plane of existence and he had to focus on this existence, he had a beautiful woman who loved him exactly as he was, she didn't care that he was broken because she loved him and that was rare. He had to stop dwelling on the past so that he could think about his future.

He knew that his wife and child would always have a place in his heart, but there was room for another wife and room for another family too. He hadn't wanted to settle down again, he had sworn that he could never love anyone as he had loved his wife, but then Teresa Lisbon had entered his life.

He wanted a future with her, he wanted to wake up next to her every morning, he wanted to make dinner for her, he wanted to look after her when she was sick, he wanted to have crazy little brown-haired blue-eyed kids running around. He wanted a life with the petite woman lying in the hospital bed next to his and realising this scared the living daylights out of him.

"Patrick." Lisbons gentle voice broke into his reverie and a little startled he turned to face her, she was looking at him; brow furrowed and concern dancing in her eyes.

He smiled, "Sorry, what were you saying?" He asked politely.

"Elise was just saying goodbye to you." She said gently, "You looked like you were pretty deep in thought."

If only she knew, Jane thought to himself. He smiled up at Elise, "Congratulations on the engagement." He said and she thanked him once more, still grinning, "I better hurry up and get to work, I can't use my engagement as the excuse for why I'm late." She smiled at them both, "Kimball and I will visit later." She said as her way of goodbye and then she hurried off to work.

"Are you alright?" Lisbon asked Jane, frowning a little at him, he thought it was cute that she was worried.

He nodded and after a moment of hesitation decided to tell Lisbon the truth, "The engagement just got me thinking" He told her.

Lisbon raised an eyebrow at him, "About what?" she asked and he chuckled, "Not about proposing to you, well not right now anyway." Her eyes widened, but he ignored it and carried on, "I'm selling my Malibu house, it's the past and theres no way I can plan my future when I'm holding on to my past."

Lisbon smiled at him, "You can stay with me." She offered, knowing he was probably just waiting for her to ask him anyway, "I'd like that." He said and the look that passed between them conveyed many unsaid emotions.

Lisbon groaned, "It sucks that I'm so close to you, but I can't kiss you." She seemed genuinely frustrated and Jane grinned, "I can only imagine your despair, after all I am irresistible."

She rolled her eyes, "Dream on." She said cheekily and he grinned, "I don't have to dream, I have you now."

Her cheeks flushed red and he chuckled, "Now clearly you have very different dreams about me."

Her face turned even redder and the heart monitor by her bed beeped as her heart rate increased. Jane grinned, "I really do love you." He said with a smile and amused himself at how the line on the monitor spiked again at the words.

She just glared at him and a few minutes later a nurse walked through the door holding a sheet with Lisbons heart rate on it, she looked at Lisbons bright red cheeks and Janes smirk then sighed, "What did you do to her?"

Jane put on his best innocent face, "Nothing at all. She just can't stand my sexy aura being around her so often."

The young blonde nurse who was rather pretty shot him a dirty look and left the room, he sighed, "I think she's the first person my charm failed on." He grinned at her, "It even worked on you."

"Shut up Jane or I'm going to unplug your morphine."

To Be Continued

A/N-Hehe I am having so much fun writing this now that all the bad Red John stuff is over! In Chapter 15 Rigsby & Jessica go on a date!