A/N: A million times I will apologize for my long absence. Things happen, people come and distractions ensue. Reasons I started this changed and I experienced many changes. I felt it was time to put something down. So hear it goes. All mistakes are my own for I have no beta. Comments and reviews are always welcomed. I haven't abandoned this story and I hope you haven't all given up on me. Updates will be more monthly than weekly. Thank you for all your patience and support.
Something Missing
Chapter 14
One thing that can be certain is that when death occurs, more than one person dies as well. Not literally of course but emotionally. The death of Judy Fabray was one of them. Its funny how one person can mean so much to others? How significant this person's life was, no one really takes in to account until they vanish like a flame on a candle, here flickering and burning, next smoke slowly dissipating left in its wake.
Judy's death left everything in smoke; a giant gray cloud of toxic sulfur, too thick to see and breathe.
The night before her mother's funeral and Quinn is pacing back and forth in the diva's room. Not able to take in the fact she is finally in the place she day-dreamed about the most. Nights she laid in bed wondering what Rachel was up to, what song she was belting away and how many tears she might have cried on her account.
Everything was set. The flowered sponsored by the Berry men. The burial plot where the Fabray's rest. The local church where she grew up. Everything was set up but Quinn couldn't help but think something was missing. For the past couple of days she has numb. After crying in to her lover's arms, Quinn quickly built up that wall to protect herself from pain. She has been edgy all week.
Tonight is the last night where she can be in denial. Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days of her life apart from giving up Beth. But the difference between then and now is the presence of a tiny brunette.
Quinn is pulled back from her thoughts when there was a knock on the door.
"Come in" the blonde says
The door slowly creeks open and tan skin floods the artist's senses. Deep chocolate eyes gaze at Quinn silently asking to be close. Quinn just nods and the brunette walks in holding a cup of something steaming.
"I brought you some Sweet apple Chamomile tea. It has always helped me relax."
The blonde smiles sweetly at Rachel. Quinn knew that Rachel was kind and caring but she was absolutely amazing these past couple of days.
Three days ago, Lima
"... I love you…" Rachel whispers softly into Quinn's ear.
Words. These simple words were exactly what the artist needed. She has been in a complete blur. Rushing from New York to Ohio, her argument with Russell and a simple heart felt statement so powerful it can create wars; is all that Quinn needed in order to feel again. I love you. Rachel the woman she loved for years is here holding her as she falls apart. I love you. A bond so powerful that nothing can destroy. I love you. More than words can say and actions can mean. I love you. In every way. How is it that such a small collection of letters can create and harness such an indescribable feeling? I love you.
Loud sobs muffle to silent tears and raspy breathing. Rachel helps Quinn in to her car. Her hands never abandoning her lover's skin. The brunette helps the lifeless shell of her girlfriend through the dark halls of her childhood home, up the creaking stairs she ran to escape from the world and in to the room that was her safe haven for years. Rachel pulls Quinn in to the bathroom and turns on the shower. Slowly sheading the clothes off the blonde and herself, she pulls them in to the shower.
Hot water soothes their aching skin. Warms their cold hearts and melts away the pain. Quinn's lifeless eyes look over to the compassionate brown orbs and feels grounded again.
"I..." the blonde starts but tan fingers covers her trembling lips "shhh, you don't have to say anything. I'm here and I will take care of you. When you are ready then we will talk but until then, let me be here for you." Rachel whispers.
Quinn blinks a few times, tears running down her cheeks and dissolving with the water beating on her skin. She nods and rests her head on her lover's shoulder.
Rachel slowly washes Quinn. Scrubbing every inch of her ivory skin. Blanketing every cell with love.
How is it that something so simple can mean the most? The water shuts off the pipes clink and clank from the pressure.
Rachel exits first and grabs a towel. Pulling the blonde towards her, drying the moisture off her body.
The dark room is illuminated by the soft moon light, glimmers of light bouncing off the artist's ivory skin. The brunette pull out a pair of oversized sleeping shirts and pulls them both in to bed.
Quinn nestles herself in to Rachel's shoulder, hearing the soft thumps of her heart against her ear.
A sound she would never hear from her mother again. Quinn's body erupts with trembles as she starts to cry. Rachel just pulls her in closer. Kissing her forehead and listens to her lovers pain.
Present day, Lima
"Quinn?"
"Hmm?" the blonde says shaking the memory out of her head
"Baby, I was saying would you like me to run you a bath?" the brunette asks softly
"No no, you've done too much. I don't even know how to thank you. I think I would have lost it if it wasn't for you."
The brunette raises her hand in protest, "I never want to hear you thanking me for being here. I am your girlfriend and your friend. I will always be here to support and protect you and love you." She leans in closer towards Quinn.
Quinn wraps her arms around the small woman's waist and kisses the inside of her neck. I'm going to marry you she thought as she feels Rachel's nails scrap the base of her neck. Relief. That is what she feels in her lover's arms. The weight of the world doesn't seem so heavy when there are two sets of shoulders to carry it. Sadness doesn't seem like such an over whelming tsunami wave drowning everything in its wake. She has Rachel. Eventually, she's going to be ok.
The Funeral, Lima
Hazel eyes open to tan skin. Quinn pulls Rachel back closer to her body and submerses her nose in the brunette hair. Taking a long pull of air through her nose, her senses are flooded of the smaller woman. Everything about Rachel just feels so right. How could she have missed this bond between them in high school? So much time lost, where they could have spent it like this. The brunette pushes her body closer. Feeling so safe in Quinn's arms, she rolls over to face her. She's so Beautiful the diva thinks.
A small smile creeps her face. "You know, I love you?" she says softly
"I DO know. And did you know that I love you?"
"You better. Or we will have some problems"
"I'm sorry; I can't find you remotely intimidating"
"Did you forget what happen to Jesse?"
"On second thought, you have no need to worry. My heart has been yours for far too long."
"Good" the smaller woman says as she is displaying her own rendition of Quinn's famous arched eyebrow.
That earned her a soft chuckle.
"Are you ready for today?"
"No but do I really have a choice?"
"I know but I will be here every step of the way"
"Please never leave my side."
"I promise."
They share a soft kiss and roll off the bed to get ready for the funeral.
The church fills with a slow gathering of mourners greeting the family, choruses of "I'm sorry for your loss and my condolences." Those soft jerks of the head and sad-filled thank yous seem almost robotic. A loss? A loss would hardly grasp the true feeling of the gaping void with in of her mother's absence. One moment she was here talking about dinner plans to meet officially the girl who stole her heart but instead Rachel is meeting the lifeless body of the woman she once called mother.
The blonde feels Rachel sliding her hands around her arm, like an anchor planting her feet on the ground. The grip tightens and hazel eyes notice why the brunette tightens her grip. Russell.
He stumbles in the church, eye blood shot and unshaven. He really looked at his worse. Quinn could only feel pity for him. She wanted to thank him really, for being there for her mother all those years and for carrying out her last wishes (Rachel told her about the letter and the meeting with Rachel's dads.) No matter how the alcohol changed him for the worse, deep down inside he was still Russell Fabray, the charming, charismatic, fun-loving man that loved Judy and his two daughters. He slowly made his way to the front and sat next to Fran, the light hint of whiskey orbiting him. Quinn chose to ignore that detail; today was about remembering her mother, not waging another war.
Father McMurphy stood asking the members to bow their heads, "let us pray…"
The service was lovely. Fran, Quinn and Russell all shared a few words. Rachel sang some songs as requested by Judy. Quinn has always loved Rachel's voice and she thought it was beautiful even when her voice was cracked and raw with emotion. Rachel never had a true mother to look up to. She had her fathers but something was always missing when it came to someone maternal and Rachel sang with all her heart and soul and she knew that where ever her mother was, she heard her and looked down on them and smiled.
The last person to speak was Beth, Quinn's ears perked up as she heard that angelic voice, "Grandma Judy, I miss you. I will miss your voice and how it comforted me. I will miss your smile and how it lit up my gray days. I will miss our talks about my mom and when she was a kid. I will miss our Sunday brunches. I will miss everything about you. You made sure that I knew that I was loved and that my mom and dad loved me as much as they did that I was given to someone that could care for me. Never did I feel like I was thrown away because you made sure to know that you were here. I know that you are now in a better place. Just know that you will not be far from my thoughts. I love you…"
Beth, who looked exactly like Quinn made everyone tear up and miss Judy a little more.
Rachel holds on to Quinn a little more tightly as they watch Judy's casket being slowly lowered in to the earth.
The priest saying "ashes to ashes, dust to dust..."
Quinn stood there eyes transfixed of in the hole in the ground. This is her mother's final resting place. This is where she will come to lay flowers on. Where she will talk to the air, trying to feel closer to her. How much she wanted to throw herself in to that hole and be buried with Judy. It was all too much and yet she felt walls building and a numbing tingling from her toes up to her head. This imaginary shield of internalizing pain. This was it. Judy is gone.
Why do people gather to eat after a funeral?
A sea of black enters the Fabray home holding peace offerings in the form of food. Guests huddle around telling stories of happiness and laughs they had with Judy. Remembering is a great gift. Memories are like time capsules holding to the essence of that person for that moment forever. People die but their memory; their spirit never dies for they live within us. In our stories, in our laughter and our tears by remembering them, we embody them, making them immortal. Making our every moment on this earth infinite.
As promised Rachel never left Quinn's side. Every guest that entered they greeted together, they shared quick words about the Judy and how she was absolutely ecstatic about them two finally being a couple. Quinn was surprised because she remembered that her mother use to care greatly on the opinion of the community and here she was talking about Quinn and her successes and presented her with love and pride instead of something to be ashamed of. This made her heart feel heavier. Judy truly did accept her, accept her love for Rachel and she was happy for that.
Quinn and Rachel greet Santana and Britney at the door.
"Hey, Q…. I'm really…..you know…" shrugging her shoulders unable to complete her sentence and rubs the back of her neck
"Hey, I know B and thank you for being here" presenting the softest smile to her best friend.
Britney whips Quinn in to her arms and gives her a fierce hug, "I'm sorry about your mommy Quinn. I love you and me and santy will always be here for you. And now you have Rachel so this is like a threesome..."
"Uh babe, it's not like a threesome"
"Yes it is, it's me you and Rachel, the three of us…. A threesome" she says with finality
They all pause for a moment cheeks tinted red and then they laugh. How amazing it feels to laugh again.
The door knocks softly and Rachel opens the door as Quinn talks to Santana about what she is going to do with her mother's estate. Rachel opens the door and freezes.
Finn. Finn Hudson stood at the door with a woman and small child at her side. He looks much more mature and handsome. Age has done him some good with a beard setting in.
"Finn. Wow it's been a long time." She says softly. Her eyes fall on the woman by his said. Anyone next to him seems smaller with his giant stature. She was very beautiful. She had brunette hair and piercing hazel eyes.
"Yeah Rach, it has. This is my wife Megan and my son Dillon" chocolate eyes fall to the little man hiding behind his mother. He looked exactly like Finn expect for his eyes, those eyes pierced hazel just like his mother. "It's really great to meet you and Congratulations on the wedding and baby. Wow….im sorry, please comes in.
"The service was very beautiful" Megan says softly
"Yes, it really was" Rachel agrees
"Finn told me you're and actress on Broadway but I could never imagine how truly amazing you sound"
Blush tints her face, today was the last day she was expecting flattery, and she knows she is good at her craft but she will always feel guiltily good on a compliment. "Thank you."
Quinn approaches the brunette and slides a possessive around her waist as she looks at Finn. "I'm sorry; I don't believe we were introduced. I'm Quinn Fabray and you are…?" she questions Megan as she shakes her hand
"I'm…I'm Megan Hudson, Finn's wife" she stumbles as she was taken off guard on Quinn's beauty, her cheeks flush pink.
"It's a pleasure to meet you and congratulations Finn, Your wife is absolutely beautiful" she says to Finn without taking her eyes off oh Megan.
Now Megan's cheeks flush redder at the compliment and fierce gaze and Finn's eyes flash red for a moment. Rachel tries to stifle a giggle at Quinn's antics. She knows how much she dislikes Finn and how easily she gets under Finn's thick skin.
"Thank you. And Megan wanted to stop by." He says uninterested as he eyes Quinn's hand around Rachel's waist.
Quinn turns back to Megan "thank you, it very kind of you to come. May I ask how do you know my mother?"
"Oh, she stopped by Finn's shop for an oil change and we started talking in the waiting area, I'm his secretary." She says in a small voice. "She was telling me how she knows Finn and that you guys use to date and that you are some famous artist and she really went on and on about you…" hazel focus on hazel "she was really proud of you Quinn."
How much of an impact did those words really mean to her, she would never say but appreciated it none the less.
As a child our parents are our entire world. Their dreams fall before us and we strive to accomplish it. But parents seem to forget that all the plans they make and dream they hope for their children will never come to fruition. The children born on to this world have the capacity to be our own thinkers, our own people with wants and needs, the sooner a parent accepts that the sooner and my powerful the bond between parents and their offspring. Guide them as much as you can and hope for the best. It took Judy the hard way to stumble on to that reality but once she accepted her daughters as free thinking, free loving woman, and strong independent women, than the quicker it became to love the people she helped them become.
To know that she was accepted and loved and not hidden as some secret, melted the walls around her heart and manifested in to tears that slowly slipped from her eyes. Quinn pulls Megan in to a hug and whispers her thanks.
Rachel offers them some drinks. Megan and Quinn asked for some water and Rachel walks in to the kitchen. The brunette hears the kitchen door swing open stating that someone entered. She turns to see Finn leaning against the wall, his eyes stuck on her back side. She clears her throat, "excuse me. Did you need something?"
Finn's eyes quirk up and he blushes as he rubs the back of his neck. "Sorry. I can't believe it's been so long, rach." He takes a step towards her. "Do you know I have every article and interview about you…? You did it. You made it…." The smile fades "without me…." Finn finally corners Rachel to the sink.
Feeling uncomfortable, the brunette can feel his breath against her forehead. "Finn, please can you move. I need to get back to Quinn." As she tries to push him aside. His big hand snakes around her arm and pulls her closer in to his chest. "Quinn?" his voice drops "I know you have always wanted to be Quinn's friend back in high school but being gay with her is another thing. It's sick. You can't be gay. You can't be with her. It's DISGUSTING! You both are my ex-girlfriends."
"Finn Hudson, You are a married man. Married to what I think a very lovely woman who you do not even deserve; How dare you approach me and share your unappreciated opinion of who I am or who should I be with. I am not property of yours nor was I ever." The diva says jabbing her finger in to his chest. "How dare you come here on Judy's funeral, In Judy's home and disrespect this day of mourning! You care of only yourself always have and always will. Now will you excuse and I will not disclose to Your wife, whom is the mother of your son that you are a disgusting excuse of a man!"
The taller man pushes Rachel in to side wall "I know you still want me. I can see it in your eyes. This thing with Quinn is just infatuation. It's nothing and you just need me to remind you how much you liked it." He pushes some of her hair behind her ear.
Rachel squirms and closes her eyes. The grip on her arm is starting to hurt and she wanted to scream but didn't want to make a scene. "Finn, Please don't do this…" the brunette pleads
"Rachel…" He starts as his hands squeezes her breast. Rachel's eyes clench tighter. And then the unwelcomed sensation is gone. She opens her eyes when she hears grumbling.
Russell had a hand tightly squeezing Finn's throat. Panic filling his eyes as Russell pinned him against the adjacent wall. "Who do you think you are…? You enter my house and insult and harass my family!" he squeezes tighter. Finn's face flushes beet red and a wheeze escapes his lips. "I may be many things but I am a father and I will not let you harm the woman my daughter loves. I will let go and you will leave. Do you understand?" Finn nods in agreement rapidly. Russell's hand releases Finn from his hold. Finn stumbles on the floor coughing violently and gulps big breaths of air.
Finn stands up on wobbly legs and rubs his hand printed neck. When he pushes the swinging door, he stops as Quinn stands there with a fire hate burning in her eyes. "You have three seconds..." is all she says.
Catching on the hint Finn quickly collects his wife and child and rushes out the house.
Quinn walks in to the kitchen. The tiny brunette running in to her arms. "Quinn, I'm sorry. I should have screamed, done something but I was caught off guard that I froze. I am capable of much more, I should have…." Her words are muffled as Quinn embraces her tightly. "Shhh baby. It's all over now." The blonde cradles the woman that holds her heart tightly. As she lets go she turns to Russell. "I…Thank you." She says as she looks in to his eyes.
"Quinn…I made so many mistakes but I will always protect you and the things you love. Rachel is a part of you, then she is a part of me…" the words slip out as a tear slides down his cheek.
"Thank you, Dad."
2nd A/N: Please let me know what you think and then we can take it from here. I still have much more in store for Faberry. Thanks.