A/N: This chapter is for my real life muse. Thanks for the suggestions babe.
"Take the next left," Tank yelled, as I battled to lose the cops behind us.
"No, you want the alley on the right," Bobby offered. "It comes out near Hamilton."
I swung the SUV down another alley, sending garbage flying in all directions. Thankfully, there were no crates of watermelons or men moving plate glass windows. By the time I had cleared the windscreen, I realised we had a huge fucking problem; the alley was a dead end.
"Fuck!" Bobby yelled as he saw the far wall fast approaching.
Steph screamed, and Connie began reciting a few Hail Mary's. I slammed the brakes on, and we screeched to a halt about two feet from the wall. The cop car came to a stop at the far end of the alley, blocking our exit.
"Shit, damn fuck," I muttered under my breath. We were well and truly busted. I looked around to the guys in the back, and gave Diesel a stern glare. "Don't you even think of poofing out of here."
Diesel fidgeted in his seat and started to sweat. I pulled my Sig from my hip and levelled the gun at him. "You are staying, do I make myself clear?"
"Yeah, sure," he muttered.
"If you so much as think about vanishing, I'll make sure every muse from here to the far reaches of Europe and Australia kicks your ass out of their bed," I growled.
"That's harsh," Diesel groused.
"But fair," Bobby countered.
I slid the Sig away just as Carl Constanza moseyed on up to my window. I powered the tinted glass down and killed the engine. "Officer," I said as politely as I could.
"Santos," Carl replied. "Going somewhere in a hurry?"
"Rangeman emergency," I lied. Well, I guess it was an emergency. We had to get as far away as possible from Trenton before the wrath of Janet hit us.
"Right," Carl mused. "And nothing to do with kidnapping, and vehicular destruction?"
"Not at all."
"Hey Carl," Steph called out from the back.
Carl rolled his eyes. "How did I know that you would have something to do with this, Steph?"
"It's not my fault," she called out.
"No, it never is," Bobby muttered from beside me.
"Morelli wants you all brought down to the station for questioning," Constanza stated.
"Morelli's an ass," Bobby mumbled, causing me to hit him in the arm to silence him.
"Oww," he hissed
"Look, Carl... we need your help," Steph said. "The woman we kidnapped was Janet Evanovich. We had to do it, she's messing up our lives."
"Janet Evanovich?" Carl quizzed. "Damn, why didn't you tell me that earlier. It's her damn fault that I've never had a chance with you, Steph. You know I've always liked you."
"I like you too, Carl," Steph said quietly, "but things have never worked out."
"It's that freaking woman," Carl growled.
"How do you know, I mean Steph could just be being polite here, Carl. She probably doesn't want to date someone like you," Bobby stated.
Okay, shoot me now. I put a hand on Bobby's arm to keep him in his seat, and shoved Carl in the chest to stop him from trying to haul Bobby out of the car through my open window. "Enough!" I snapped.
"It's true," Carl growled. "Morelli told me, and he heard it from Janet."
"Look, Carl... man you have to let us go. If you take us in, Morelli will lock us all up and throw away the keys. Please, just radio in and say that you've lost us," I pleaded.
"Half the cops in the state are looking for you guys, Santos. Even if I let you go, someone else would pick you up before you could get more than three blocks."
I thunked my head against the steering wheel, hoping from some divine inspiration. We needed a new car and we had to get out of town. Where the hell could we get a car that would be untraceable? Then it hit me, thank you God!
"We have to get to Dougie and Mooners," I announced. "We can get a new car there."
"Good thinking," Carl replied. "But how the hell are you going to get all the way over to Grant from here?"
I smiled evilly and handed Carl my secure sat phone. "Call Eddie. Get him over here and the two of you can drive us over there. No one will suspect us to be travelling in cop cars."
"Nice," Bobby commented.
"What about my SUV?" Tank wailed from the cargo area.
"We need a diversion," I stated. "Someone needs to drive this car around town. Anyone any ideas?"
"My Grandma?" Steph suggested.
"No!" Bobby, Tank and I yelled simultaneously.
"Jeez, anyone would think you guys were scared of her or something," Steph muttered.
Bobby shifted in his seat and Tank coughed, while I chose to remain silent.
"What about Big Dog?" Carl suggested.
I shrugged, "Ask him."
"Hey, man... can you come over here a second!" Carl yelled down the alley.
Big Dog ambled up the alley munching on a donut. He stopped next to Carl at my open window.
"We need to get these guys to Grant, can you take the truck and create a diversion?"
"What the hell?" Big Dog grumbled.
"It's that Evanovich woman, she set Joe on them. They have to get away, all our futures depend upon this," Carl hissed.
"Hmmm," Big dog mused.
Bobby leaned over the console, managing to plant his hand on my groin. I sucked in a breath and squirmed. Bobby sniggered and moved his hand to my thigh. Payback for punching him on the arm, no doubt.
"Look guys, help us out and we'll give you free access to our roster of muses for an entire month," he offered.
"Make it two months," Carl countered.
"Done," Bobby said.
Big Dog stuck his head in the window. "What's the story with the two of you and Morelli?"
"Set up," I stated. "We wanted to get Janet in a tizz."
"Looks like it worked," Big Dog suggested.
"Yeah," Bobby said with a grin.
"Is it true?" Carl asked.
"Is what true?" I quizzed.
"That it's only five and a half inches."
I raised an eyebrow in reply and Bobby coughed. Carl and Big Dog sniggered.
"Oi, Santos!" Steph yelled from the back. "You mean to tell me that the two of you... that Joe... that the pictures... and the call from my mother... Why me?"
There was a rustling sound and the crinkle of plastic. "Here you go girl," Lula said. "I'm thinking that you be needing one of my emergency Tasty Cakes. When you're feeling down nothing can cheer you up like a Krimpet."
"Cheers Lula," Steph mumbled around a mouthful of sugar and fat.
"I better call Eddie," Carl said, still clutching my phone.
Carl filled Eddie in on the plan, and that fact that it was true that Morelli was apparently graced with five and a half inches. I could hear Eddie laughing down the phone from where I was sitting.
"Eddie's in. He'll be here in a few minutes, he's only a couple of blocks away."
"Good," I responded, and we all piled out of the truck.