The Runaway

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you know you're dreaming? In my dream I was running through the forest. I was wearing white and I kept looking behind me as I hear the roar of something so menacing and loud. It felt out of breath and like I'd been running for years. I was losing speed and the roar became louder. I could feel the heat and the stench of the monsters breath near my neck. I was forced onto the ground my face in the dirt. I lay their shivering paralyzed by my own fear, but even in my fear my curiosity gets the best of me as I start to turn around and meet the stare of this best.

As soon as I face the beast a freezing cold embrace tingled my legs and my waist abruptly awakened. I was really disoriented I had forgotten where I was and who I was with. I was being lowered onto my new bed. I hadn't even realized that all my stuff had been unpacked until now. I looked into Edward's eyes and there was something wrong, he seemed sad and lost. Just like the Edward I'd seen so long ago. I had been avoiding having a conversation with him but I always hated when he looked that way.

"We don't have to talk," he murmured. "I just need to take comfort in you." He placed his head on my chest and he took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do. I followed my instincts and wrapped my arms around him and stroked his hair. I heard him let out a sigh of relief. I his deep breaths against my body and against my will my temperature rose. I hated the part of me that loved this.

"We should talk … you said you wanted to earlier," I reminded him.

"Yeah." He shifted to my side and laid down beside me. I twisted so I could look him in the face. "I wanted to talk to you because even though I was focused on Ness. I did hear your thoughts. You think I lied to you and that I was still keeping secrets but that's not true. Yes, every now and then I visit Esme while you and Holden are sleeping. I show her pictures of him because he is my son and I am proud of him and I love him. I didn't think that was against any rules." I rolled my eyes and then looked down.

"It's not. I just don't like being caught off guard," I murmured and then I thought of something else. I quickly tried to shift my thoughts so that I wouldn't process it.

"You think I am trying to live two lives. You think Esme isn't the only one I visit so late at night," Edward surmised more in a more dignified way than I ever could. I didn't respond and I refused to look at him.

"You're right I visit with my family. I visit with Carlisle, Alice and the others but Bella usually isn't there and if she is she disappears shortly after I arrive. We have only had one conversation since the day she came over and asked me what I wanted. It was a good conversation. It was good to talk to someone who actually wanted to talk to me." I frowned at him and sat upright. I didn't want to sit here and listen to him tell me how much he loves his wife if he loves her so much why isn't he with her.

"I didn't say I love her. I said it was nice to have a conversation with someone who isn't always running away from me. You know like you're trying to do right now," he snapped.

"What are you doing anyway Edward? What is it that you want from me exactly?" I asked bluntly.

"You know what I want!" He said at hushed tones. Within a second his was right in front of me the tip of his nose touched mine.

"Uh no I don't! Unlike you Edward I can't read minds! I know what you told me last time we talked … about us. There's one small hiccup in the grand scheme of all that. You're married! I refuse … I REFUSE to be in love with a married person!" I was feeling too much I felt tears and I felt rage. I began to shake it was time for me to leave. I rushed to the door and both Holden and Ness were listening. I wanted to calm myself and be there for Holden but this monster inside of me had control of me. I rushed to the front door and as soon as my feet touched the ground I transformed.

It had been months since I had phased and I just like Edward said I'd run away from having to deal with this situation that we'd created. However this time I had shocked myself. I didn't realize how much I felt for Edward. Jealousy and fear. Edward scared me not because of what he was but the hold he had on my emotions. I didn't want someone that belonged to someone else to have such a grip on me. I hadn't asked for any of this.

"Momma." I heard a small voice behind me and I went run again. Holden had never seen me this way and a good part of me never wanted him to.

"I've seen you this way Momma, in your head." I turned and looked at my little boy he had clothes in his hands and he laid them on the ground. "I love this part of you too," he assured me as he touched my front paw.

"Daddy sent us because he was sure you didn't like him now," Holden explained and as I looked back I saw Ness watching on from a distance.

"He didn't want Holden to go alone," she advised. I took the clothes in my mouth and went to find a little privacy to become human again. I noticed that Holden had brought me my white night gown and memories of my dream ran through my mind. I was running and the monster I was running from was Edward. It was so clear now and even though I was running away from him I didn't want him to stop chasing me. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked back out to meet my son who ran to me and embraced me.

"Time to go back to daddy?" He asked and I nodded. We walked on and to my surprise Ness walked with us and after a few minutes she said something much unexpected.

"Only from full honesty can productive progression be made. You and my dad have a lot of lives stuck in limbo. As much it may hurt my mom and me … I know if you tell him what he wants to hear we can all start the road to healing. I just ask that you don't let him forget about me," she whispered.

"Edward talks about you every single day your dad would never forget or abandon you," I advised the young girl. "You can come by whenever you wish as I'm sure he made clear to you. You aren't choosing sides by being here you love both your parents and you deserve to have time with both of them." I opened the front door and we all entered the house. I knew that I once I went inside it would have to face the music.

Author's Note: Another chapter until we get into the good stuff! I know this story is going slow like my guilty pleasure. I love to write angst and I am reveling in the fact that this is inching a long and laced with angst the whole way through but the next chapter will have more action. I promise. Until next time.