My sincer thanks goes to my beta reader CLVayaella7 for editing and correcting my story.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in years... and today: finally. Just because Leverage returned last night.

I do not own Leverage.

2010

February

Destiny has never been a good friend of Parkers.

Parker hates shrinks. She has spend whole months of her life with those headshrinks 'trying to help her'. They didn't help her not a bit. Always talking about the moments she wanted to forget asking her questions that made her remember. She didn't like talking to them.

They always acted like they knew what was the best for her. Everybody did.

Her fosters knew what was best for her. Her shrinks knew what was best for her. Her teachers knew what was best for her. Her doctors knew what was best for her... Damn, even Archie knew what was best for her. But did any of them actually ask her once what she thought about it?

No. Nobody ever asked her.

She didn't want to this job from the very beginning. A psychic? Nah, they freak her out. But she decided to shut her mouth, because she doesn't want them to think she'll leave like Sophie did. She isn't that weak. And she still has the hope to get Nate away from the bottle.

Maybe, if she'll put more effort on it, she could force him to stop drinking and then Sophie could return.

The foster moms never returned if they lived. Parker still remembers.

She wanted to say something when Nate said they would visit him, though. She was nervous. She felt something would happen. And it did. Still does.

"Brother."

Parker lost her tongue at that very moment. How could he know about him? She never told anyone about him! How was it possible this man knew about her brother... her beloved twin brother, who she'd lost too soon, too young.

"You were both very young."

The thief would like to yell at him, tell him to shut the fuck up. But she can't. She remains silent; tongue sticking to her palate. She would like to say something, but her mouth just won't work.

"It was an accident."

How in hell could he know that?!

"I see a road. I see... a car. You're brother is not in the car. He's in the street."

It's getting creepier. Parker crosses her arms in front of her chest even more trying to comfort herself. She doesn't want everyone to see how she breaks down. No, she can't have that. He's using her brother, but she can't, she mustn't...

"Wheels. Skateboard", he says. He couldn't know everything. It's impossible. Psychics are scary, but not that scary, still... "No, a bicycle", he continues causing Parker to open her mouth in surprise. "Was he riding a bicycle when he was strugged?"

That's impossible! She never told anyone of this. NEVER. Not even Archie. Nobody knows about Nick. So If this is the truth, If nobody knows... then the shrink is real. Parker's breath goes heavily now. She needs so much air... It seems like every breath she takes leads nowhere. She can't get as much air as she actually needs.

Oh, she wants to get away so bad. The pictures...

Daddy.

Oh, how stupid could she be thinking she would ever forget about her horrible 4th birthday?

"He's sorry that he had to leave you", the psychic says, "He knows that you feel responsible. But he wants you to know it was an accident."

Too much. She can't take in anymore. The air is getting thinner. She can't breathe. Using Nick...

Of course, she's responsible. She was always responsible for what happened in her life. She could have stopped and helped Nick. She didn't have to agree with the bikes. She knew Nick had a hard time learning how to ride it with his new prostheses. She could have talked to them. They could have taken the car and nothing would have happened in the first place. Why shouldn't she feel responsible for this?

"You taught him to ride that bike, did you?"

Alright. She thought it already was too much, but this is how too much feels.

Nick... she could still see him in her mind's eye. "I don't know if that's a good idea", he had said. "No, just try. You'll like it. I promise. It's easier than walking", she had promised. He smiled. "I love you." "Love you, too. Now let's go ride that bike", she had ordered.

She was the younger twin. He was the first to come. He was the first to loose his leg. The first to go. She was the younger twin. Yet still she could have protected him in the first place. She knows that.

Parker storms out.

Who cares what the people think about her? Those people barely even know her! They don't know about Nick!

Well... they do. Kinda. But they don't know about the rest. They don't know what happened that day their parents took them to the cinema. They don't know how she hated herself for her family's death. They don't have a clue how long she thought what Jay did was her bill. They couldn't understand her anyways.

She returns to Nate's place. She doesn't know where else to go.

Home? No. She can't go home now. There's bunny. There's her photo. Her family photo. She kept it over the years. Parker never looked at the photo for the past years. She just kept it. She kept it in a box with the childhood stuff she was able to safe. She buried the stuff under a tree at the graveyard her family was burried after the funeral. Nobody noticed. Nobody cared. She came back when she knew it was safe and kept it in the garage Archie trained her. Since then she's carried it around.

All that little pieces of her childhood buried in a little metal box. It's detergent box. There's still some washing powder inside. Parker doesn't use this washing powder. She could take the same to wash her stuff, but she doesn't want to. She wants to safe the smell for a rainy day.

Next to the photo and the washing powder she has her old crayons and some pictures. Mommy's kerchief with a drop of her perfume on it, Daddy's glasses and his favourite book. Nick's button collection. Some of their toys, their glass marbles... it's all in there.

No. She can't go home to that box of past.

Parker cries all the way home. Her eyes go all red and swollen, she knows that, but she doesn't care.

Nick.

Damn. It hurts too bad.

She wants to die. She's planned on dieing more than once, but she never actually had taken it into account. After her parents died she wanted to die, too. But she didn't know about suicide, she didn't know about death, she was four. After the rape started she wanted to die, but she couldn't. She was still suffering of her nemesis.

Today she wants to die. This shrink exposed her biggest and darkest part of the past. He used her brother for his damn show. He told everyone about something she would have rather kept a secret.

The team knows. Tara knows. They'll treat her differently. Maybe they'll start asking question what exactly happened to her brother. How old he was. How old she was.

She knows she can't take that. But she waits. Maybe they might react differently. Sometimes people do react differently, actually.

When they return she tells them. They mustn't do this job the psychic is scary.

"There's no way he could have known that stuff. I've never told anyone. No one. Ever."

It's the truth. She knows that.

They try to talk her out of that, though. Say her answers guided him, but yet she didn't say anything. She learns it's all about facial expressions. He read her. She doesn't know if it's better than him being a psychic or worse. Is she that simple to read?

He does research, they say. But there's nothing about Parker on the world wide web.

So he read her. Creepy.

"So what do we do know?"

Parker has got the perfect answer to this question:
"Cut off his arms... and his head..." She nods at herself acceptingly. "Yeah, I wanna kill him. Can we make that happen?"

So... R&R would be nice. =)