Chapter 14

"Okay, so here's what we have," Tony said. "We have a print that definitely comes from this unsolved murder of a university librarian in Ithaca, New York. The university is still trying to find out who was on the hiring committee. They don't have the records of the applicants any longer, unless they find them somewhere in the university archives, but right now, they don't think they have them."

"But it was another librarian and that seems way too coincidental," Torrance said. "So the idea that it could be a rejected candidate makes sense."

"How would he have got to Ahrendson, though?" Jensen asked.

"Who knows? But if he did, it could just be one of those situations where the stars aligned," Tony said.

Ducky's phone rang.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said and then quickly excused himself from the room.

The meeting continued.

"Our profiling team has looked at the murders again with the new understanding that McGee was the focus of the murders," Fornell said. "And the idea of rejection fueling a need to prove his skill fits in quite well with the patterns they already had seen. This Wordsmith is creating value in himself because of his need to show that he's superior."

"But why murder as the way?" Torrance asked. "Surely there are other ways to say that you're better than everyone else than by killing people."

"Why does any person start killing?" Jensen asked. "Sure, we have some that we know what started it but a lot of these serial killers don't ever really give us a reason. Look at how many we haven't been able to track down and how many of the ones we did who are actually alive. It's just one of those things."

"I don't care if this guy lives long enough to explain himself," Tony said darkly.

"We follow the law, Agent DiNozzo," Vance said, speaking for the first time. "As much as I sympathize with your feelings, this is not going to become a vigilante, revenge killing."

"Understood," Tony said, but while he knew Vance was right, he still resented that this guy was going to get more consideration than he had given anyone else.

"Abby is still checking to see if there are any other cases that might fit in here, cases where he didn't have a specific focus," Torrance said. "It's possible that he's been killing people without anyone realizing it was a serial killer doing it because his method is so different."

"The FBI finds that to be an unlikely possibility," Fornell said. "Where he's been so blatant about getting attention from these murders, it seems unlikely that he was killing people and not bragging about it before this. It's much more likely that, because he got away with it once, he considered himself an expert."

"But they are considering the idea that his finding a student might have changed his m.o. significantly enough to create a new pattern," Sacks added.

"So we're waiting on Cornell, then?" Vance asked.

"Yeah," Tony said. "We're hoping to hear from them today."

Ducky came back into the room, looking cautiously hopeful.

"What is it, Dr. Mallard?" Vance asked.

"As you know, Timothy has been in the hospital for a week now, and Dr. Saunders is cautiously approving Timothy's release. This is going to be a testing of the waters, to see if he's truly ready for the world again. He'll still have a lot of time spent in therapy, and Dr. Saunders has asked that I be willing to take some time off to be with Timothy in these first days, so that he's not alone."

"Of course," Vance said. "Whatever you need."

"Thank you."

"You'd better have security, Dr. Mallard," Fornell said.

"Oh?"

"We're just a little worried that this guy might decide to go the direct route to get rid of McGee, no matter what he's done up to now. The profilers disagree with Ron and me, but I'd rather be overly cautious and wrong."

"I'm certainly not going to refuse to give Timothy any protection he might need," Ducky said.

"Good. Do you want NCIS to take care of it or us?"

"We'll take care of it," Gibbs said, breaking his silence.

Fornell nodded. "When is Agent McGee getting released?"

"This evening, as soon as I can get there."

"So he's doing better?" Jensen asked.

"Yes, and according to Dr. Saunders, he's become very self-conscious about people watching him."

"Because that's probably how the Wordsmith figured out what he was afraid of," Torrance said, softly.

"Yes. And that being the case, I would suggest that, no matter how worried you have been that you don't rush to visit. He needs time, and now, he has it," Ducky said. "I'm not sure we should tell him about having protection because he may take it the wrong way."

"You don't want anyone visiting?" Tony asked.

"Not at all," Ducky said. "What I'm suggesting is that he's not ready for a party or for a large group. As far as Timothy is concerned, this event may not yet be a cause for celebration. Please, call before you come so that we can see if Timothy is ready for a visitor or not. He will need help and friends as he recovers and these first days will be likely be very difficult for him, especially where the immediate cause of his attempt has not been resolved."

"What if he asks about the case?" Torrance asked. "That's what made it so bad for him in the first place. Do we tell him anything?"

"Details are likely unnecessary, but Timothy is still himself and trying to lie to him would be a very bad idea."

Torrance nodded.

Fornell and Sacks stood up.

"I'm glad to hear that he's doing better. He probably wouldn't want a visit from us, but let him know that we're glad he's still around," Fornell said.

"Of course," Ducky said, smiling. "He'll likely be surprised, if I know Timothy at all."

Fornell smiled. "He's always surprised when I notice him."

"Let us know what you hear from the university," Sacks said.

Tony just nodded.

Torrance and Jensen also stood up.

"Balboa's still checking with the tip line, probably, but we'll be looking for other cold cases that match up," Jensen said. "Ducky, ask Tim if he'd mind if I visited, okay? I know it'll be awkward, but I've been worried about him."

"Of course, William. I can do that."

"Thanks."

Then, it was down to Vance, Ducky, Gibbs and Tony.

"Do you know how many days you'll be needing, Dr. Mallard?"

"No. Not at the moment. In my admittedly-limited experience, the first few days are very difficult and some can't handle it right away. We'll just need to walk a fine line between what Timothy can handle versus what he might want to handle."

Vance nodded. "Any discussions about returning to work should wait until he's really ready for it. There's no rush."

"Thank you, Director. I'll be sure to let Timothy know."

"Is there anything else, Agent Gibbs?"

Gibbs shook his head.

Vance dismissed them and they all left.

"What would you like to do as far as protection, Jethro?" Ducky asked as they walked down to the bullpen.

"One person inside, one out on the street. I'll be inside tonight."

"Then, I'll be out," Tony said.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"Even if we can't both be doing it every night, I want to be there tonight."

Gibbs nodded.

"And you shouldn't be every night, either, Jethro," Ducky said. "You need a regular night's sleep, no matter how much you might deny that. Spread it around a little bit for your own sake and for everyone else's. After all, it wasn't long ago that we worried whether or not you would be able to survive."

Tony could see that Gibbs didn't like being reminded that he was as human as the rest of them, but it was true. Gibbs was regaining his former stamina, but it was taking time, and the more he pushed himself, the longer it would likely take.

There wasn't much else to say, but while Gibbs went down to check on Abby and give her the news while simultaneously reining her in more than a little bit, Tony followed Ducky.

"What is it, Anthony?"

"Do you think this is a good idea, Ducky?" Tony asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it's only a week ago that Tim nearly blew his brains out! Should he really be out so soon?"

"Dr. Saunders has judged that the initial crisis has passed, that Timothy is no longer suicidal."

"Just like that?"

Ducky smiled. "No. Not 'just like that'. Even though we have not seen him, don't forget that Timothy has not been alone. Not for a single moment over the last week. He has been getting help, and because of how much the constant observation has been wearing on him, Dr. Saunders feels that it's a good idea to let Timothy try things out rather than tell him he has to stay for his own good. If it doesn't work and he has to go back, at least, he has tried."

"Won't that just make him feel like a failure?"

"It's possible, but it all depends on how it is dealt with and that risk is certainly one we would be aware of."

Tony sighed. "I don't want to see him like that. Ever again, Ducky. I don't want to see Tim feeling like death is the only way. It's wrong that he ever felt like that, even for a second!"

"I completely agree with you, Anthony. This is not something any of us want for him. Have you spoken to anyone about what you went through?"

"Yeah," Tony said, reluctantly. "Gibbs made me. I'm going again next week."

"Good. A suicide attempt is painful for all concerned, even if stopped. And if it makes you feel any better, I don't believe that Timothy truly wanted to die, not even in the moment."

"Then, why would he do that? If you say it was just for attention..."

"No, not even a little. I think Timothy was pushed into an emotional state that was too much for him to take and it skewed his thinking. If he had truly wished to die, he would have just done it. You wouldn't have found him struggling to make that decision. You would have found him dead. He wasn't thinking clearly and there was some psychological damage which now has to heal. How long that will take, I don't know, but it's not something he'll just bounce back from, but he can heal, even with this traumatic moment."

"Then, what's best?"

"What's best depends on the person. What will be best is for you to ask Timothy what he thinks will be best."

"Even if he says that we should let him die?"

"Anthony," Ducky said, his voice taking on a lecturing tone. "Timothy is far from crazy. He is still himself, but he now has another layer to him. That doesn't go away, but it doesn't make him a different person. If you care for him and you respect him, you have to let him dictate your approach to some degree."

"I dropped the ball before, Ducky. I dropped the ball this time, and Tim paid the price both times."

"No, Anthony. You didn't drop the ball. You simply have to accept that Timothy was trying to hide from everyone and he almost succeeded. Instead of focusing on what he almost did, focus on the fact that, of all of us, you're the only one who realized it how serious it was. No one else."

Ducky put his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Timothy will recover. You just have to let him. Don't turn this extreme situation into Timothy's whole life. Give him a chance...and allow yourself time to deal with it as well. In fact, why don't you join me tonight when I pick him up?"

"You think he'll want me there?"

"Of everyone at NCIS, I believe that you will likely be the best option because you've already seen him at his lowest. He has nothing to hide from you, and I believe that he'll want to hide any problems so that no one thinks he's on the verge of the same situation. But it is up to you. Timothy knows I'm coming. You would be a bit of a surprise but not an unwelcome one."

"I'll let you know," Tony said, feeling unsure about it. He'd been okay with seeing Tim go into the hospital, but he was afraid of what would happen when he came out.

For his part, Ducky just nodded and went back to work. Tony looked down over the bullpen and found himself staring at Tim's empty desk. Would Tim even want to come back after all this?

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Are you ready to go, Tim?" Dr. Saunders asked.

"Yes," Tim said instantly. He was not worried about leaving the hospital. He'd hated being here, only willing to stay because he could acknowledge that he'd needed it.

"Don't forget that you'll be coming back tomorrow."

"I know," Tim said.

"And also, don't forget that if you have any problems, it's not failure."

"I know," Tim said, again. He was barely paying attention. Everything had been said already. More than once.

"And one more thing, Tim."

"What?"

There was a long pause. Long enough that Tim finally looked away from the door and toward Dr. Saunders who was smiling with complete understanding.

"What?" Tim asked again.

"Don't forget that you have value in yourself. No matter what else, don't fall into the trap of believing you aren't important. You are."

Tim looked down and then up at him again. He nodded without answering aloud.

Then, finally, there was Ducky coming inside.

"Dr. Mallard, I'm glad you're here," Dr. Saunders said. "I thought Tim might just decide to make a run for it."

"I'm sorry, Timothy. There was an accident on the Beltway and it delayed my arrival," Ducky said. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes," Tim said.

"Good. Now, Anthony came with me, but if you don't want him here, he said that he could make himself scarce."

"Tony came?"

"Yes. And one more thing, Jethro will be staying the night."

Tim furrowed his brow.

"Why?"

"Because, Timothy, many people have been worrying about you. I think Jethro feels he'll make things better just by being present."

Tim barely kept himself from rolling his eyes at that. Something must have shown on his face, though.

"He'll not be in your room or anything like that, of course. He's just wanting to be on hand," Ducky said.

"How long will this go on?" Tim asked, drearily.

He was surprised when Ducky just smiled.

"Until you're fed up with it, I'm sure," he said.

Tim found himself smiling back.

"Okay."

"Tomorrow morning, Tim. Okay?" Dr. Saunders said.

"Okay."

Then, Tim followed Ducky out of the hospital. As they stepped outside, Tim took a deep breath and let it out.

"I feel like I haven't been able to breathe in a week," he said.

"I know those places are not set up for being relaxing."

"No. ...are you going to let me shave?" Tim asked, rubbing his prickly face.

Ducky smiled. "Yes. But you realize, I hope, that I have to ask the question."

Tim grimaced. "Yeah."

"Do I have to worry about what you'll do with a razor or in the bedroom by yourself?"

"No."

"And if something changes that?"

"I'll tell you."

"Then, I will trust you."

Tim laughed a little skeptically. "Will you?"

"Yes, Timothy. I think that, if someone had asked you very directly at the time, you wouldn't have lied then. I don't believe that you'll lie now."

"Then, why do I have to stay with you?"

Ducky smiled. "Because, just as if you had broken a bone and couldn't manage on your own for a few days, you have injured your psyche and can't quite manage on your own yet. There's no reason to expect your mind to heal instantly...and it doesn't. It takes time."

Ducky made it sound so reasonable, but Tim didn't like the idea, even if he knew it was true. He knew that there were good reasons to have him stay with Ducky but still...

They got out of the hospital and Tony was there, leaning on his car.

"Hey, Tim. Ready to get out of here?"

"Yes. Very much so," Tim said.

"Great. Hop in and we'll get you to Ducky's place."

Tony was ostensibly acting normally, but Tim had his doubts that Tony was feeling anything like normal.

"So are you going to take your turn to camp out in Ducky's house?"

Tony grinned. "If Ducky decides to cook for me, maybe."

"Anytime, Anthony," Ducky said. "I've often said that my home is open to any who want to come by."

Tim got in the car and they drove to Ducky's place. It was a fairly quick drive, but as they were getting out of the car, Tim stopped and looked Tony in the eye.

"How's the case going?" he asked.

"You were right, Tim. There was a microphone in your apartment...and a fingerprint. They aren't identified, but we've connected them with an unsolved murder from a few years ago. We're working on it, and we could finally get an I.D. on this guy," Tony said.

"Anyone else killed?"

"No. We don't know why but we're thanking our lucky stars so far."

Tim looked from Tony to Ducky.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not lying, Tim," Tony said. "No one in a week and no messages. It's been quiet."

"He can't just be stopping," Tim said. "That makes no sense."

"I agree with you," Tony said, "but I'm grateful for any kind of a lull."

Tony hadn't hedged at all, and Tim felt that he'd know if Tony was trying to keep Tim out of it. He was obviously not giving all the information, but he seemed to be telling the truth.

"Okay."

Then, Tim went inside with Ducky and was resigned to seeing Gibbs on the couch.

"It's rather late, Timothy. Would you like to eat something for dinner?"

"I want to shower and shave. Can I do that, first?"

Ducky nodded and smiled.

"Of course. I'll get dinner ready. You know where the bathroom is."

Tim was surprised when Ducky went into the kitchen. After a week of constant observation, it was a strange feeling to have no one staring at him. In fact, it was such a surprise that Tim just stood there for a second without moving.

"You change your mind, McGee?" Gibbs asked.

"Uh... no."

Then, he went upstairs to get truly clean...and clean-shaven.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Torrance, you need to go home. You're not supposed to be full-time yet," Balboa said.

Then, he stopped. Torrance was staring at her computer screen, her face so close to the monitor that her nose was almost touching it.

"Daelyn?" he asked.

"I think I might have found a new pattern for our killer," Torrance said, slowly. "And if I'm right, we don't want to leave Tim alone until we catch him."

"Why? What have you found?"

He leaned over and looked at the cases Torrance had brought up.

His heart sank.

"Oh."