A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry… I had end-of-term exams and ah well, at least this chapter is a long one ;)
Chapter 14: Growing bigger
When she woke up this morning, Tonks sat up and was overwhelmed by… not nausea for a change but pure happiness. It seemed that she was finally past the awful morning sickness stage of her pregnancy and if you were four months pregnant that was a little piece of heaven. Smiling to herself, Tonks placed a hand on her belly, which was beginning to show, and although she should be scared or at least a little worried about getting bigger and bigger, right now she simply loved it. Upon that not so distant day when her robes wouldn't fit her anymore, she might change her mind, but until then Tonks was determined to enjoy and marvel at the growth of her little boy or girl inside of her.
When she entered the kitchen, the constant smile on her lips broadened. Remus had made them breakfast and greeted her with a smile of his own.
"Ah, Dora, I didn't wake you, did I?" he asked because he was always so worried that she might not get enough sleep.
"No, we're just hungry, but otherwise perfectly fine," Tonks reassured him before giving him a good morning kiss and sitting down at the table.
Remus on the other hand jumped to his feet. "Good, I already made you some tea. No, you still can't have coffee. But I made everything else you like or let's say the baby likes. We've got porridge mixed with strawberries, salmon in raspberry jam and bacon & eggs with chocolate sauce." He pointed at each of the dishes, trying very hard not to look too disgusted at the thought of eating any of it.
Approximately four months ago Tonks wouldn't have dreamed of eating any of this either, but right now it seemed like the perfect breakfast to her. And Remus had been incredibly sweet and caring ever since he had returned, and this wasn't only an attempt to make up for leaving her, but he really did seem different as if he had actually, after all these years, seen something in himself that everyone else had seen all along.
This remarkable change was one of the most prominent reasons for Tonks' current happiness. But now that she looked at the length Remus had gone to with her breakfast, she felt that she paid him back rather poorly. While he asked her at least three times a day whether there was anything he could do for her, she usually slept late, ordered strange food and foot rubs, and went back to bed early. Despite her happiness Tonks felt tears running down her cheeks.
Remus looked both alarmed and exhausted at the same time. "Dora, what's wrong? Is there something else you need?"
Tonks shook her head. "No, that's just it! You're doing everything for me and I… I'm not doing anything at all."
"Not doing anything?" Remus laughed. "You're bringing our child into this world. What else could I ask of you?" He smiled and kissed her gently. "Come on now, stop crying."
"I can't," Tonks sobbed.
"Why not?"
"Because the tears won't stop."
"Think of something happy as if… as if you wanted to cast your Patronus," Remus suggested.
"But I am happy," Tonks replied. "My Patronus would kick some serious Dementor butt right now."
Remus chuckled. "I think you should refrain from any butt kicking until the baby is born."
"Fine." Tonks sniffed. "It's a good thing that we'll see Molly today. I can ask her how she dealt with all those bloody pregnancy hormones." Satisfied with that idea, Tonks began to eat and eventually the tears stopped.
Remus frowned. "I'm not sure whether you should go and see her."
"What are you talking about?" Tonks looked up. "The Order's got a meeting today – at the Burrow."
"I know that. But I don't think you should go," Remus explained.
"But I want to go. I want to know what's going on. I'm already feeling left out." Tonks had spent most of her time here in their apartment.
"You know I'll tell you everything when I get back. We just don't know what's going to happen at the meeting. You could get upset and you're not exactly stable right now. And you would have to travel, too…"
"I'm coming with you, Remus. Just because I'm carrying a child, I won't have you treat me like one. I'm a pregnant woman, not an invalid. I can go wherever I want and whenever I want. And that's my final say on this." Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Dora hurried to add: "Plus, I want to visit Mum and Dad afterwards. I've been promising them for weeks to stop by."
Remus slumped in his chair. "Did you tell them I'd be coming with you?"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous about this again," Tonks sighed.
"I'm not being ridiculous. Your father tried to kill me. And I'm not saying that he didn't have the right to do so at the time, but…"
"He didn't try to kill you," Tonks interrupted him. "He was just angry. But I've talked to them and explained that you've changed and that you've finally come to terms with what prevented you from being the extraordinary man that you are." Tonks wasn't quite sure whether her parents had actually understood what the hell she was talking about, but they had to accept that their daughter was living with her husband again and so eventually had abandoned their plans of exacting revenge on Remus. "They'll be happy to see you."
Remus didn't look convinced, but decided not to argue with his pregnant wife. "Fine."
About an hour later they were ready to leave, but that wasn't as easy as it used to be.
"Do we have to do this strange three times Disapparating thing?" Tonks asked, thinking of her stomach, which was full of salmon, porridge, chocolate and strawberries, and had only recently stopped troubling her.
"I asked you to stay here. But you insisted on going," Remus reminded her. "You can still change your mind."
Tonks sighed and shook her head. "No, I'll just hold on to you."
She grabbed Remus' arm as firmly as she could because as soon as they had left their apartment, he turned on the spot to Disapparate to the Leaky Cauldron. Tonks' feet had barely touched the ground when they were off again to appear in a village, mostly populated by wizards and witches. Again, Tonks hadn't recognized any of the witches and wizards passing by before Remus' arm twisted again and they Apparated into one of the caves above Hogsmeade. Tonks thought she felt a cold breeze caress her cheeks, but then she was dragged away again and finally entered the garden of the Burrow. She was quickly pulled inside the kitchen where she was finally allowed to stop.
Everything spun around her and her stomach felt queasy. "Oh no, I think I'm going to be sick," Tonks moaned, dropping into a chair.
Remus looked alarmed and hurried to fetch her a glass of water.
"Thanks," Tonks muttered weakly when the kitchen door opened and Molly entered.
"Remus, Tonks, oh, I'm so happy to see you! You're a bit late and we started to worry… Tonks, dear, are you feeling alright? You look a bit pale."
"I'm okay. I'm just a little dizzy thanks to our new way of travelling," Tonks explained.
"I told you. We need to make sure that we're not bringing any Death Eaters," Remus replied.
Tonks only moaned.
"Come on then, into the living room," Molly smiled and ushered them inside.
They greeted everyone and Tonks dropped into a chair while Remus remained standing next to her. "Wait, isn't Kingsley missing?" Tonks noticed.
Molly looked troubled. "Yes, he's late, too."
"Late? But he's never late," Tonks said, feeling anxious. "What if…?"
"He'll be fine," Remus interrupted her.
"Yes, it's Kingsley we're talking about," Bill agreed. "Who'd be able to get to him?"
"But we thought the same thing about Mad-Eye and now he's…" Tonks couldn't finish her sentence due to a huge lump in her throat and she felt tears glistening in her eyes again.
"Seriously, Remus, look at her, all upset. Why did you bring her along?" she heard Molly whisper.
"Why did I…? You try and stop her next time!" Remus replied, exasperated.
"Hey, I'm pregnant, not deaf!" Tonks complained and although it hadn't been her intention, she made the others laugh.
Remus put an arm around her. "Of course, I'm sorry, dear. But I'm absolutely sure that Kingsley is alright."
Just when he had finished his sentence, the silver lynx that everybody knew to be his Patronus appeared in their midst. But Kingsley's voice sounded harassed. "Don't say HIS name! It's taboo. They can track us that way. Nearly got me. I'm on the run. Be in touch." And the Patronus vanished again.
Tonks could barely stifle her scream of terror, but she wasn't alone this time. Molly looked terrified as well and the others exchanged worried looks. An uncomfortable silence followed.
It was Arthur who spoke first. "We all agreed that we trust Kingsley. He'll shake them off and be in touch – just as he said."
Everyone nodded, but it still felt as if they kept losing people. They started their meeting and everything they had to report were Muggle-borns being rounded up if they weren't so quick-witted to leave the country, Muggles getting killed frequently and Vol- no You-know-who spreading his violence to every part of the country, having giants, Dementors and lots of other horrible creatures on his side again. He held even greater power now than he had the last time. But with Dumbledore gone that wasn't much of a surprise. There was no information on Harry but many, Remus among them, expressed their confidence that he was alright and that they'd know the minute they'd find him, anyway.
When the meeting was over and some members left while others stayed for lunch, Tonks sat in the kitchen feeling horrible. After a while Remus joined her.
"What's wrong?" he asked, taking her hand.
Tonks sighed. "It's just… It doesn't feel right to bring a child into a world like this."
"We must not think like that," Remus replied. "We're sitting right here right now because we still have hope that we'll get rid of Vol- You-know-who just like last time. I know Harry has a plan and I know he'll succeed. Maybe it'll take a while. But until then we have to keep fighting, well, you not so much, but keep our hopes up, in any case."
Tonks looked at him and despite the tears her eyes were leaking (again), she smiled. "I'm so glad that you're with me."
"Not as much as I am," Remus replied and they leaned in to kiss.
They only broke apart when they heard someone sigh happily. It was Molly. "I knew you couldn't be broken up for good. You two are just perfect for each other."
Tonks looked from Molly to Remus and smiled.
After lunch they left the Burrow to head over to her parents' house. Remus still looked anything but thrilled and followed her reluctantly towards the front door. Tonks assured him that her parents would be if not friendly then at least civil, but when she knocked on the door, no one opened.
The relief was painfully obvious on Remus' face. "Oh, well, they're not home. Guess, we'll just go then…"
But Tonks didn't move. "No, they knew we were coming to visit one of these days. They must be home." And she tapped the door with her wand and stepped inside, ignoring Remus' moan when he followed her. But when they entered the living room, there was no one there either. A few seconds later, the door to the kitchen was pushed open and her mother hurried over to them.
"Oh, Dora, Remus, what are you doing here?" she asked, looking slightly harassed.
"I told you I would drop by…" Tonks began, but then her father came rumbling down the stairs, carrying a huge bag.
"Oh, Dora, Remus, what are you doing here?" he asked, slightly out of breath.
Tonks folded her arms on top of her slightly rounded belly. "Alright, what's going on here?"
Her father sighed. "I'm leaving."
"WHAT?" Tonks stared at him, confused and unable to understand what he was saying.
Next to her, Remus stirred. "Wait a second, you tried to curse my head off for trying to leave Dora and now you're leaving as well?"
"No, I'm not leaving for a bunch of strange, probably made up reasons that were supposed to hide the fact that you were scared out of your wits, young lad. I'm leaving because I'm Muggle-born and I'm not about to wait for the Death Eaters to make another house call and hurt my wife or my daughter and even my grandson or -daughter in the process," Ted explained.
Dora's eyes widened in shock. "Do you think they'll come for you?"
Her father shrugged. "I refused to register as a Muggle-born, but I think they'll work that one out. At the very least, Andromeda's family knows… And they were in the area lately…"
"But… but…" Dora struggled to find words while her eyes were burning with tears again, but she stubbornly held them back this time. "What are you going to do?"
"Go into hiding for now. I'm not the only one. Maybe I'll meet a few others. It's hard to say what's best to do on the long run."
"But… Mum…" Tonks looked at her, feeling desperate at the thought of her Dad having to run and hide like a criminal.
"I'll be fine. I'm a pure-blood, after all. I'm better off than any of you," she said although her voice was not as firm as usual.
"There's not much time for goodbyes." Her father put down his bag and looked at Tonks. "I'm sorry that I have to leave you like this and that I can't promise you to be there when your little one is born. But don't you worry. I'll be back. I want to get to know my grandson or granddaughter, of course. You just keep on going… and remember that I love you." He hugged her.
Now Tonks couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "I love you, too, Daddy," she whispered and it was incredibly hard to let go.
But her father stepped away and looked at Remus. "We had our differences, but you're here now and I guess that's what counts in the end. So, protect Dora for me, will you?" He extended a hand.
Remus took it, obviously relieved. "With my life, if necessary."
Ted nodded and turned around to say goodbye to his wife. But Dora was sobbing too much and Remus pulled her into his arms and then the front door closed and her father was already gone.
It took Tonks a long time to calm down again with the help of Remus and her mother. But as soon as she was feeling a bit better, her Mum said, "You should be going now, too. I don't want you to be here when the Death Eaters call."
"But, Mum, what if…? You married a Muggle-born after all…" Tonks couldn't finish her sentence, but in her head she saw images too horrible to even think.
But Andromeda shook her head. "If they punished the pure-bloods, too, for having been in contact with Muggle-borns, there wouldn't be a wizarding community left for them to rule."
And with that she ushered them out of the house.
When they were back home, Tonks felt absolutely dreadful. "What if they find Dad?" she asked for the umpteenth time.
"They won't," Remus replied again and again. "He's a clever man. He'll know what to do."
They were sitting on the couch and Tonks felt the seriousness and danger of their current situation crushing down on her. "Remus, I'm scared."
He looked at her. "I know. But I promised your father to protect you or die trying – not that it will come to that," he added hastily. "Our child will be born and it will be perfectly safe." He pulled her into his arms and feeling safe – at least for the moment – and very comfortable, Tonks closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep in her husband's arms.
Thick snowflakes began to fall and something cold and wet was running down his neck. Remus hurried to get back inside. A comfortable warmth from the crackling fire welcomed him. Remus got rid of his travelling cloak and smiled at the sight that greeted him. A half-decorated Christmas tree stood next to the fireplace and Dora was dancing around it to the tune of 'Harold, the red-nosed Hippogriff'. She was wearing a rather festive dress as well, which was red, showcased her nice, round belly and had images of Hippogriffs wearing Christmas caps printed all over it. Her hair was extremely long and sparkled in bright gold with something that looked like Mistletoe in it.
Dora turned around and smiled at him. "Ah, Remus, what do you think?"
He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt her round belly press against him and realised that his arms might be too short to embrace her in just about a few weeks. Now already six months pregnant Dora seemed to grow bigger with each passing day. That made Remus smile even more. "I think you look absolutely adorable."
Dora looked at him, mildly surprised. "I was talking about the tree, but thanks." She smiled and shook her long, golden hair. "I thought it looked rather festive this way." Remus expressed his agreement by kissing her. "But how do you like the tree?" Dora insisted once their kiss had come to a natural close.
Remus looked at their Christmas tree more closely. The already decorated half was full with Christmas baubles, which changed their colour every few minutes, and lots of silver and golden tinsel.
"It looks great," he said. "Shall I help you with the other half?" Dora nodded and Remus let more Christmas baubles appear out of the tip of his wand. "By the way, Molly extends her invitation. She'd be happy to welcome us at the Burrow for Christmas Day tomorrow."
Dora stopped taking his baubles to attach them to the tree (dropping several along the way and making them shatter on the floor) and looked at him. "What about our own invitation? Did you visit Mum?"
"Yes, Andromeda says thanks, but she thinks we should enjoy our first Christmas together – just the two of us or rather just the three of us – and she'll stay at home," Remus replied.
Dora frowned. "But she will be all alone!"
"She says she's going to meet some friends and you shouldn't worry about her." Remus was a little relieved about Andromeda's decision although he had honestly invited her to come and join them. After all, he, too, felt sympathy for the woman who was alone since her husband's departure, and ever since that day they had gotten along rather well. They had silently agreed that it was best this way for Dora. Still, he looked forward to spending Christmas with Dora but without having her mother's eyes on him all the time.
"You know, I think we should do that," Dora said.
"We should do what?" Remus asked.
"Spend this Christmas together – just the three of us. Molly will be disappointed, but she'll understand, I'm sure."
Remus nodded. "That's fine with me. All I need is you two."
Dora smiled at him and continued to decorate the tree. But it didn't take long until another bauble smashed on the floor.
Remus smiled while he waved his wand to clean up the mess. "You know it's a good thing that we can conjure these things or we might have run out of Christmas baubles by now."
But Dora didn't react to his joke. Her eyes were wide open and she had placed both hands protectively on her belly. Remus frowned. "Dora? Dora, is something wrong?" He moved closer.
Dora slowly turned her head to look at him. "I think… I think the baby is kicking."
"Kicking?" Remus repeated, now looking at her belly as if he could see inside it.
"It definitely moved. I…" Dora winced. "There, again! Oh, Remus, that's… I can feel our baby moving!" Remus smiled because even though Dora's eyes were still wide open in surprise, she was also radiating happiness. "Come on, give me your hand!" He did as he was told and Dora placed his hand on her belly. Remus waited with bated breath until he really did feel something move against his hand. A tingling sensation ran through his body and a sudden impulse made Remus bent down to put his ear to Dora's belly. And then he heard it – a heartbeat that couldn't be Dora's. Awestruck Remus got up again and stared at Dora.
"That's…" But he trailed off again. He didn't know what to say. It seemed like a miracle to him.
"I know," Dora said nevertheless. "It's like the first living proof that we're actually going to be parents. And I think I remember having read somewhere that the baby can respond to sound and melodies now."
"You mean it can hear us talking?" Remus asked.
"I think so," Dora nodded.
Remus looked sheepish. "Can it also hear if I kiss you?"
"If it hasn't inherited an unnaturally superb hearing from your side, I doubt that." Dora smiled and willingly leaned in to kiss him.
After they had finished decorating their Christmas tree and had enjoyed their own little Christmas Eve dinner, they settled down in front of the warm fire, Remus holding a glass of wine and Dora one filled with pumpkin juice.
"I think we should decide whether it is a he or a she," Dora suddenly said.
Remus looked at her. "I think that decision was made about six months ago."
"But we won't know until at least another three, rather four months. But I don't want to talk about 'the baby' anymore. It seems so impersonal now that I can actually feel… him or her." Dora turned to fully look at him. "So what do you want? A boy or a girl?"
Remus frowned. "I just want our baby to be healthy."
"Yes, but, come on! You've got to have an opinion on this," Dora prompted him.
"Alright," Remus sighed, "then I'll wish for a beautiful, happy, little girl just like her mother."
"A mini-me?" Dora made a face. "No, I think we'll take the boy. I'm sure you were really cute when you were little. Not that you're not cute anymore, but, you know, in a more handsome kind of way."
Remus laughed. "Why can you have a mini-me, but I can't have a mini-you?"
"Because," Dora placed a hand on her belly, "there's only enough room for one of the two."
"Are you sure about that?" Remus asked, smiling at her.
"We're not having twins!" Dora's eyes widened. "No, definitely not."
Remus chuckled.
"And you really don't want to have a mini-me," Dora said. "I was awfully annoying when I was little, never listened to a word my parents said and tripped over my own feet all the time."
Remus smiled broadly at that image. "But even if we have a boy who looks like me, he could still behave like you did."
"Oh, right, I didn't think about that." Dora looked down at her belly. "Are you listening? Don't become like me!"
Remus leaned over. "Don't listen to your mother."
"Hey," Dora gave him a soft nudge. "Are you already undermining my rules when it comes to raising our… son?" Her eyes twinkled.
"Only because I think you're mistaken," Remus replied cheerfully.
"Oh, just you wait until you have to watch him and he's not listening to a word you're saying. Then you'll regret that he inherited my genes."
Remus just smiled. "So we've decided that it's going to be a boy?"
Dora nodded. "I've just got a feeling."
"And if it turns out to be a girl, after all?" Remus asked.
"I didn't say we couldn't have a back-up name."
"We don't have any names so far," Remus reminded her.
"There's still time, isn't there?" Dora smiled. "Even though I can't wait to have the baby."
"I know, but I still hope it… I mean he will look like you," Remus said, his face moving closer to hers.
Dora leaned back a little, a funny smile on her lips. "You don't even know what I looked like when I was little. Huh, I don't even know what I looked like."
They both laughed and when Remus wrapped his arms around her, he was very glad that they had decided to spend Christmas as the little family they were soon going to be.
This had to be a bad joke or something. Nature couldn't have turned something that was supposed to be absolutely wonderful into something so very horrible. Tonks sighed. Her whining wouldn't do her any good either. She was nine months pregnant now and her baby was still not coming out. Molly had told her that it could take until the end of the tenth month. Tonks had no idea how she was supposed to survive until then.
Her belly was so big that it was constantly getting in her way. She only moved in slow motion and after a few metres she had to sit down again because her legs or feet hurt too much. Her baby on the other hand was constantly kicking and moving around inside of her, preferably at night.
Her nights had turned into absolute nightmares. There was simply no comfortable position left to sleep in. She was rolling back and forth (making sure Remus wouldn't get any sleep either) and if by any chance she found a position she could stay in, her baby was sure to be wide awake and throw a party in there. And if exhaustion eventually took his tall and she did fall asleep, she had one of her nightmares.
They were all pretty much the same: She was in labour, but Remus was nowhere to be seen. Instead, You-know-who came bursting into the room, carrying her father's dead body, and then he waited until her child was born only to kill it. In another version there was no You-know-who, but her child was born dead in the first place. No matter which nightmare it was, Tonks always woke up with a start and tears in her eyes and felt unwilling to ever go back to sleep.
She felt like that right now.
Everything was dark around her when Tonks sat up and she had no idea what time it was. But she didn't care. She was sobbing quietly, but apparently not quietly enough because next to her Remus stirred.
Immediately, she felt his hands on her shoulders. "Another nightmare?"
Tonks felt stupid admitting it, but there was hardly a way around it. So she nodded.
"Everything will be fine," Remus said. What else was he supposed to say? But she appreciated it nevertheless.
"I know," Tonks said, her voice still shaking. "But you promise to be there, right?"
Remus wrapped his arms around her (above her big belly) and she leaned back against him. "Of course I will, and I will protect you and the baby from any harm," he told her for the hundredth time.
"But what if I go into labour during the full moon?" Tonks asked. She was more afraid of that than of giving birth itself. There would be no way for Remus to be with her and she'd have to do it all on her own.
There was a short silence. "It won't come to that," Remus simply said.
"And are you sure Dad's…"
"I'm sure he's fine," Remus replied before she had even finished her question. They had been over this a million times, but Remus showed admirable patience.
"But we haven't heard a word from him in months…"
"Exactly, which means they haven't found him either," Remus said and once again Tonks hoped he was right.
They were silent for a while until Tonks whispered, "I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I want the baby to just… come out."
"I know, but it'll only be a few more weeks, tops."
A few more weeks… easy for him to say.
When Tonks woke up the next morning, she thought she heard voices and the closing of the front door. But when she entered the living room, no one except Remus was there and he didn't report any visitors. Her Mum and Molly dropped by occasionally, but not as often as Tonks would have liked. It was simply too dangerous.
The day passed as all the others had done recently. Tonks rested on the couch with her feet up, read about labour and birth, while Remus frequently brought her something to drink or eat or just another pillow. He seemed a bit lost in thoughts today, but Tonks knew that he was nervous about the actual giving birth part as well, even though he wasn't the one who actually had to do it. At least, it kept raining outside so Tonks didn't feel terribly sorry about being unable to take a walk. March seemed extremely dull this year. But when darkness fell, Remus was about to leave for another broadcasting of Potterwatch and Tonks got slightly nervous. She was probably still weeks away from giving birth, but she felt safer when he was around – just in case.
"It won't take long," Remus promised her. "You just go to bed and you won't even notice how much time passes."
"I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep. I hate it when you're gone," Tonks complained.
"You should still at least try. You and the baby need your sleep," Remus said and ushered her into the bedroom. Tonks thought that he was a bit too eager to get her into bed, but maybe he felt bad about leaving her alone. He kissed her goodbye and left.
Tonks really tried to fall asleep. But after lying wide awake for a while, she got sick of it and slowly got out of bed again. In the living room she grabbed her wand and the radio and searched for the right frequency. Soon enough she heard Lee Jordan's voice welcoming everyone to another Potterwatch.
Tonks doubted that there would be any news for her. Potterwatch was only broadcasting information the Order already had and although she hadn't attended the last meeting, Remus had told her everything. But listening to the radio would give her something to do and listening to Remus' voice made her feel as if he was here with her. First, however, Lee announced that they'd report those deaths that weren't mentioned by those newspapers and radio stations that followed You-know-who's rule. Tonks sighed. Deaths… there was certainly no shortage of that.
"It is with great regret that we inform our listeners of the murders of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell."
Tonks gasped. What had he just said?
…inform of the murders of Ted Tonks and Dirk Cresswell… the murders of Ted Tonks…
She was shaking now. It couldn't be. It just couldn't… Surely, she had misunderstood, had misheard… Tonks stared at the radio in front of her.
"… invite you now to join us in a minute's silence in memory of Ted Tonks, Dirk Cresswell, …"
NO! What was going on? How could her Dad have been killed without her knowing about it? Surely, she would have been among the first to be notified…
And suddenly Tonks understood. There had been voices this morning. Someone, probably a member of the Order or perhaps even her own mother, had come over to give them the terrible news. But whoever the visitor had been, they hadn't stayed and Remus had decided not to tell her – not to tell her about the death of her own father! Now she also understood why Remus had been so eager to get her into bed and to make sure that she wouldn't be listening to the radio…
But why? Why? How could he keep something like this from her? She didn't understand. But it didn't matter, nothing mattered besides the horrible truth… Her father… dead… murdered…
The very thing she had been afraid of for weeks, but she still wasn't prepared. Tears had begun streaming down her cheeks without her evening noticing much; her entire body was trembling and she had trouble breathing while the radio lay forgotten.
Her Dad – the one person she could have always counted on for advice and unconditional love – was gone. When he should have been there… to get to know his grandchild, her baby, who should have been given the chance to love and adore his or her grandfather as much as Tonks loved and adored him…
Suddenly she was in pain, real physical pain. At first, Tonks was too confused and devastated to locate it. But then, with another gasp of pain, she realised that it originated from her lower abdomen.
Her heart was pounding fast. No! Not the baby, not now… But the pain wouldn't go away. It was worse than any of the other fake labour pains she had been through lately and Tonks felt scared and helpless. She slid down from the couch, clutching her belly with both hands and gritting her teeth to stop herself from screaming.
And then the pain was gone as suddenly as it had begun. The only pain left came from her protesting legs because she was kneeling on the floor now. But Tonks didn't dare get up. She was too scared what would happen if she did and she felt too weak anyway. She desperately wished for Remus to come home. Remus, who hadn't told her about… about… she couldn't bring herself to say it, she didn't even want to think about it. It was just too painful…
But there was nothing else to think about. Would she be able to attend the funeral in her current state? Would there even be a funeral? What if they hadn't even found his body? What if You-know-who had it? But how could they know about his death then? Had they asked her mother to identify him? Mum… she longed desperately to have her here now. Maybe… maybe she could ask her to come? Tonks didn't dare to Disapparate on her own. She didn't even dare to move. But she had to because her wand was lying next to the radio. Carefully, Tonks grabbed the couch and tried to hoist herself up…
And there it was again. The same pain originating from exactly the same spot and Tonks sank back to the ground, now really trying hard not to scream. It wasn't right – not yet. For some reason she just knew that it wasn't time yet. She was afraid of having done something wrong. Maybe the shock about the news of her father's… suddenly Tonks thought she understood why Remus hadn't told her… But that was no help to her right now. She gasped and tried to hold on to something, anything, to get rid of the pain…
Suddenly she found other hands closing around her own. "Dora!"
Remus! Thank goodness! Tonks was overwhelmed with relief. He was back with her and… the pain was gone again.
"Dora, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"
Tonks looked up and found his concerned eyes on her. "No, not anymore," she managed to reply.
Remus still looked worried and helped her up onto the couch. This time the pain didn't return when she moved. Remus waved his wand and handed her a glass of water.
"I shouldn't have left," he said, probably more to himself than to her, while she was drinking. "What happened?"
"I couldn't sleep," Tonks explained. "And I decided to listen to Potterwatch."
Remus turned pale. "Oh, Dora, I'm so sorry. I should have told you, but Andromeda thought…"
"So it was Mum? This morning?" Tonks asked.
"Yes," Remus nodded.
"How was she?"
Remus looked troubled. "Shaken, of course, but pretty calm, all things considered."
"Why didn't she come to talk to me?" They had both loved him, after all. Why wouldn't she allow them to be a comfort to each other?
"She was afraid that if we told you, it might be bad for the baby. She said that this late into the pregnancy, you shouldn't get this upset," Remus explained.
"She might have been right," Tonks admitted. "The pain is gone now, but I don't know… it didn't feel right."
"You should lie down," Remus said, still looking worried.
Tonks nodded, but didn't move. "I can't believe he's gone," she whispered. "There are so many things I never…"
"I know," Remus said gently, caressing her cheek.
"I should have told him exactly how much…"
"He knew. And even if he didn't, he does now, remember?" Remus interrupted her, referring to her own words at Dumbledore's funeral.
Tonks gave him a very weak smile. "I will miss him so much, Remus."
"I know." And he pulled her into his arms as far as that was still possible and she cried into his chest.
But thankfully, the pain didn't return when Remus finally dragged her back to bed. Her baby was fine. And that was all that mattered.
A/N: Stay tuned because our favourite couple is about to become parents ;)