Glad to see people are still enjoying this fic. It's all gonna come to a head now. At last we're getting to the interesting part.

Enjoy!

Chapter 14

"I'm sorry I lost my temper but that group can be the biggest bunch of hypocrites and I don't like being around those Slayers."

"I know my love, but please calm down."

Connacht sighed noisily and sat down on a rock, staring out at the world below him. Everest was a great place for a view. Calida sat beside him, resting her hand on his knee. Connacht covered it with his own.

"My love, I don't see how we can save them."

"Connor and Calista have great strength, but they need to find it. Which is why we tried to bring them to our home. They need to understand what we were before they can understand what they are."

"But Calista's not even-"

"In a way she is, in a way she's not. You know as well as I do a full human body could not handle what she is. It'd be too much."

"True. Calida, do you think we should just tell her what she is, instead of doing this stupid game of 'Twenty Questions'?"

"No. If she can't figure it out for herself then she won't gain the understanding she needs to become… what she must become to stop that Power."

"Ever wish we could just kill all the Powers?"

"Every day my love. Every day."

Calista opened her eyes, feeling a little less light-headed than she had, and sat up. Connor was moaning and tossing and turning in his sleep. The words sorry and please escaped his lips several times. Calista reached out to wake him, knowing he was having a nightmare.

As soon as she touched him Calista was hurled into another place. Before her she saw Connor on his knees, weeping as he watched something that made Calista almost scream.

It was herself, naked, and smirking at Connor while Angel and she…

'Oh dear God!' she whimpered to herself, feeling sick at the moaning noises her mirror image was making. Angel was biting her and it only seemed to make her double enjoy herself more. The bed they were on was shaking with each movement.

"Stop! Stop!" cried Connor, clutching his head.

"Whose gonna stop me kid? You? Please. You couldn't even stop Holtz from sending her away. Big mistake, I mean, look at these legs." Angel hands gripped the double's thighs hard and the double giggled, rolling her cold eyes at Connor. "You couldn't even protect her from a mere human. How do you expect to protect her from me? I'm inside you! You're not Angel's son. You're mine!"

'Angelus.' Calista shivered. She should have guessed. Angel's eyes were different to this demon's.

"Please stop. I didn't mean to hurt her. I swear. I was trying to protect her."

"Protect her from what? From you? Interesting way of protecting someone from yourself."

"I tried not to hurt her. I did. I was scared I'd really hurt her if I didn't… I love her so much. I needed her so much. I just wanted to be with her. I just wanted to make her smile."

"As I recall I cried." sneered the double, before moaning again, gripping onto Angelus' neck behind her.

"I know, but I knew if I didn't then, when I still had a chance to control myself… then she'd look at me like she looked at Father. Afraid of me, afraid of when I'd next lash out. I didn't want that. I love her too much. Please stop this."

Angelus pulled away from the double and the double pouted.

Calista felt sick at the sight.

Angelus knelt before Connor and lifted his head up. Calista stepped to the side and saw Connor's face was a bloody mess. Four scratches across one cheek and he had a vampire face. His eyes were yellow and tearful. Calista pressed a hand to her stomach, praying for a moment that her babies would not look like that.

"Even when you try to protect her you hurt her. You know she'd be better off without you. The world would be better off without. It doesn't even want you."

Connor let out a broken sob. Calista felt tears prick her own eyes. Closing her eyes she was taken somewhere else.

(Flashback)

Calista lay on her side, crying in silence, her arms curled around her head. Stephen lay behind her, leaning over her a little. His hand was resting on her bare arm.

"Calista. Cal, please talk to me." he begged, sounding tearful himself.

"Just leave me alone Stephen. Please."

"Cal… I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear. I just…"

"Just wanted to use me."

"No! No Cal. Never use you. I love you, I do. I tried not to hurt you. I'm sorry. Please look at me."

Calista turned a little, her shoulder pressing against his chest, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. Stephen bit his lip, looking like he wanted to cry himself. Then he leaned down and kissed her very carefully, his fingertips skimming over her cheek. Calista turned away from him again.

"Don't Stephen. Please, not again."

"I wasn't… I was just trying to make you feel better."

Calista couldn't look at him. She felt too sick when she did. Stephen let out a soft sob and buried his face in her hair and began to cry, his arms clinging to her. Calista began to cry too. Stephen kept murmuring, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Calista wasn't used to him saying that to her.

"Stephen?"

Stephen looked at her, leaning over her again. A few tears fell off his face and onto hers. Calista stared up at him. He always looked so miserable, so haunted. But when they'd… he'd looked so joyful for a moment. But it had been fleeting and he'd started crying over her.

Calista stroked his face for a moment and then put her arms around him, kissing him. Stephen looked confused. Calista wanted to hate him for taking her virginity away, for making her unclean. But one look into those bright blue eyes, seeing the misery, the pain and the need for her, made her realise that it didn't matter. Stephen needed her, and she could not deny him what she could give. She cared about him too much for that.

Calista never let him see her cry after their sinning again.

(End Flashback)

Calista opened her eyes, trembling. She couldn't understand why she didn't remember this before. How had she forgotten?

'Maybe the seer's vision has made it hard for me to remember things.' she mused. Looking up she saw Connor crying while Angelus returned to the double, pulling her roughly to him to bite her again.

Calista narrowed her eyes at the two and then widened in horror as she saw what Connor was doing.

Connor watched as Angelus pressed Calista to him, biting her and lifting her up off the bed. Calista was giggling and moaning in the vampire's arms.

'She's happier with him than me. I just hurt her and make her cry. I deserve her hatred. I deserve to suffer in hell. I deserve to die.'

There was a knife in front of him. Connor picked it up and lifted it into the air. He swallowed and looked at Angelus and Calista. They were watching him, Calista grinning with childish eagerness. Connor thrust the dagger towards his neck.

A hand grabbed his wrist a hair's breadth from his skin.

Connor stared in shock at Calista. His warm eyed, pregnant, beautiful Calista.

Calista wrenched the dagger away from him and slapped him across the cheek.

"You think you can just kill yourself to escape this life? I won't let you!" she shouted. Connor stared up at her, lost for words. "I need you Connor! I need you to survive in this world. Your babies need you! You can't just run away from us."

"What good am I to you? You said it yourself, you hate me. I'm evil. I deserve to die."

"If you were evil then you wouldn't care that you were. If you were evil then they wouldn't be trying to make you kill yourself. They would be telling you to kill me."

"I'd never do that!"

"Then why do you think you're evil? You're not!"

"I'm damned for hell."

"So am I! But that's for the sins we've committed, not because we're evil."

Calista dropped to her knees and threw her arms around Connor, crying. "I'm so scared Stephen and you're the only one I have to help me. No one else knows what we've been through. No one else understands what it was like, what it is like for us. We're alone in this world that doesn't want us. So don't you dare leave me. Please don't leave me."

Connor held Calista to him, trying to press her as hard as he could to him. "It's ok Cal. It's ok. I'm not going anywhere. I love you. I love you. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know. I know."

"Would someone get me a bucket so I can barf?" sneered Angelus. Connor and Calista looked up at him, their eyes narrowed. The double giggled.

"You think you'll be able to be together? Be normal and happy? You're both set for hell, you're both sinners."

"Maybe, but at least we're not you." said Calista, getting to her feet and stabbing the double in the chest with the dagger. The double shrieked and vanished in a roar of flames. Angelus chuckled and said,

"You sure you want to be around a guy who's got me inside him?"

"You won't be for long." said Connor behind him. Angelus turned around and there was a crack of bone. A stake stuck out of his chest. Angelus stared at it in shock and then he began to laugh as he crumbled to dust.

Connor and Calista both sat up with a jolt. They were back in Connor's room in the hotel. Calista breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Connor, only to back up in shock.

"What's wrong?" Even as Connor spoke he was aware of it. The sharp fangs in his mouth, and as he touched his brow he felt the ridges of a vampire face. "Oh God!" Connor covered his face with a hand and fell out of the bed as he attempted to get away from Calista. He didn't want her to see him like this.

"Connor wait." she called. "Let me see it."

"Calista-"

"Let me see it." Connor heard her stand in front of him, reaching a hand out to pull away his from his face. Connor kept his head down until Calista made him look up at her.

Calista stared at Connor's face in amazement. His ridges were softer than any other vampires', gentler. His pale skin look luminescent in the dark room, and his eyes were like ice chips. His hair was fuller, and his fangs weren't as prominent.

Calista pressed her two hands to either side of Connor's head and smoothed her thumbs down his ridges, moving down under his eyes and along his jaw. Connor shuddered at her touch. He was afraid that she'd reject him. Calista knew he thought she saw a monster. What she saw was a frightened, beautiful creature. There was nothing terrifying about it. Calista smiled.

"What were you trying to hide?" she asked. Connor looked confused. "I don't see anything you should be trying to hide."

"I look-"

"Beautiful." she said. Connor blushed.

"Cal… do you hate me?"

"I wanted to. But I never could. No matter what you do, I can't hate you. I won't pretend that it hasn't hurt, knowing that you kissed one woman and slept with Cordelia."

"When did I… oh Sunny." Connor sighed. "She kissed me, and she's dead anyway. Kill herself with too much drugs."

"Oh…" Calista shook her head.

Connor touched her cheek and pulled her to him, kissing her lips, with no intention of stopping. Calista lifted her hands and pressed them against his chest, pushing him away.

"Calista?"

"Please don't Stephen. I… I care about you so much, I need you… but I'm not comfortable with you doing that at the moment. It, it isn't you, it's me, I'm just not comfortable with being touched like that, especially after seeing…" Calista shook her head again.

Connor looked at her with sad eyes, then he frowned. "Weren't you wearing a cast?"

"Huh?" Calista looked at her arms. Her unmarked, unbound arms. The cast was gone and there was no sign of it anywhere. Calista's mouth formed a little 'o' of shock as she looked her arm over again and again, running shaking fingers over it. "How is this possible?"

"I don't know, but it's a good thing, isn't it? I mean, now at least you won't be burdened by it."

"Ye-yes, that is true… I guess." Calista looked up at Connor her eyes wide and worried. Connor reached out and cupped the side of her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Hey, whatever's happening… you know I'm gonna be there for you, right? No matter what."

"I believe you Connor." Calista pulled away with a little smile. Connor lowered his hand, resigning himself to having to avoid touching her. He was willing to be patient. For her.

"We should go down… god knows what's going on by now."

"Yeah." Calista nodded, her head tilting to the side a little, as if the idea of going to the others weighed her down. Connor was about to turn and walk out of the room, when he remembered.

"How do I get rid of this thing?"

"You don't know how?"

"No." Connor rubbed his fingers over his ridges, "I didn't make it come… why did it show anyway?"

"I don't know. Do you feel any different?"

"I… I don't know." Connor ran his tongue over his fangs, wishing he could get rid of them. He couldn't face the others like this. It would just confirm to them that he was indeed a monster.

"Don't worry about the others. You're stronger than them. I know you're not a monster. And you can prove it to them. You will prove it."

Connor didn't question her ability to know what he was thinking. Calista was always intuitive.

"I… it's hard to face them Calista. I mean, to them, I'm just a bastard freak that slept with their friend and hurt you again and again."

"Stop. I won't listen to it. And I know Angel doesn't think that way. And he's the only one of them that matters to you. I know it."

Connor bobbed his head, then reached out to her. Calista smiled a little and took his hand, squeezing it a little. Connor drew in a deep breath.

"Ok, lets go."

Calista nodded and they walked out of the room, down towards the lobby. The group's voices filtered up to them.

"So… what do we do? Get Cordy and bring her here?" asked Fred

"Sounds like a plan. At least that way she won't be able to perform the ritual to give birth." said Willow.

"Ok, how can we find her Skip." demanded Angel.

Skip's voice was nonchalant "Well, I'd go with the Bu'shundi ritual but, uh, you're gonna need a sacred Hutamin paw for that-"

"Got it!" piped up Lorne. Connor and Calista could both picture the look on Skip's face.

"What?" Skip's voice rose an octave. Connor tugged on Calista's hand and they continued on as Lorne said,

"Cordy-the real Cordy-kept one in her desk drawer."

"Probably a knock-off. It's not some trinket you'd throw in a desk drawer-" Skip cut himself off, no doubt having realised it was in fact real. By this point Connor and Calista had reached the balcony above the lobby. The gang was gathered, although the Potentials were nowhere to be seen. Lorne was brandishing a tiny furry hand with claws. Skip looked like he was about to sweat a waterfall and the gang were looking at one or the other demon. Lorne touched the fur of the paw, chuckling a little in affection,

"She thought it was a back scratcher."

Buffy, Xander and Willow shared a look of amusement, as if thinking the same thing. Connor had to smile a little too. It did sound like something Cordelia, the real one, would do. Calista narrowed her eyes at him and the smile fell.

"Get started." said Angel to Wesley, "Willow-"

"-lend a hand? You got it big guy!" The redhead followed Wesley and Fred as they went to get the right book and ingredients for the spell.

"Ok, we should mount up. Be ready to go as soon as the spell's done." said Buffy.

"Agreed. Ok, Spike, you stay here, to keep an eye on Calista and Connor, they're vulnerable at the moment." Angel's voice hitched just a little at the word 'vulnerable'. Connor swallowed.

"Fine Peaches, but if that kid of yours gives me a reason to hit him rest assured I won't refuse."

"Spike, you-"

"Don't you two dare start another argument." snapped Buffy.

"Besides, I reckon I could take him dad!" called Connor, unable to keep his mouth shut. The congregation whipped around and looked up at them.

"Connor! You're awake!" Angel was beaming in relief, then he started as he noticed Connor's face. "Your face-"

"I can't get rid of it dad." said Connor, hating the way it sounded. He sounded frightened.

"Oh my God!" gasped Dawn, staring at him in shock. Calista's hand tightened on Connor's and she tugged him down the stairs, not saying a word. Those near them backed up. Connor kept his head down, his cheeks colouring in shame and humiliation. He felt so exposed to their accusing eyes.

Calista's hand gripped his chin and made him looked up, the light falling on his ridges and eyes. Connor gave her a brief look, asking her to stop but she stared at him hard, refusing to let him hide it.

Angel approached his son slowly, feeling shaken. His son had a vampire face, but there was nothing repulsive about it. In fact it was beautiful. Angel's large hands cupped Connor's face and made his son look him in the eyes. Those ice blue chips were piercing and made him tingle, but he was also struck at how sad, frightened and confused they were. Angel shared a look with Calista, then he said,

"It's ok Connor. They're not-"

"Looks good on you kid." said Skip, smirking, "Wondered how long it would take to show."

"You knew about this?" Calista's voice had a hard edge to it that surprised them all. Skip shrugged.

"Of course. The kid's a child of two very powerful vampires. The fact that he admits he's part vampire means that his game face can now show itself."

Connor wanted to run away but neither his father nor Calista would let him go. Buffy's eyes were darkening a little. Connor felt rage wash over him and he let out a snarl and shoved Angel away and lunged at Buffy, coming to a stop directly in front of her.

"You wanna kill me now?" he demanded, "You wanna give me what you think I deserve? DO YOU!"

"Connor-" Angel tried to calm him but Calista held him back.

Buffy was unable to move away from the boy who was glaring at her in fury. His eyes were piercing hers, making her feel shaken.

"I… you… You hurt the woman you claim to love! You slept with Cordelia! You got them both pregnant! You've tried to kill Angel, your father, your father!"

"What business is that of yours? You weren't there for any of it. You know nothing about me. You just made assumptions about based on what you'd heard, without giving me a chance."

"Didn't you do the same to Angel?"

"No! I gave him a chance, but he betrayed me by tricking me and killing my FATHER! He murdered him even when Holtz said he was leaving, letting me be with dad. He's lied to me, he's told me that there's nothing good in the world. It's harsh, and it's cruel and you know what, it's the only damn thing he's ever backed up." Connor whirled around and glared at Angel, who had an expression of deep hurt on his face. "You expected me to know everything and accept everything, as if I hadn't lived without you! As if I was some kind of blank slate you could write on. And none of you ever seemed to consider any other idea. It was so much easier to ignore that I'd had a life without you and blame me for everything that went wrong between us!"

"You sank Angel to the bottom of the ocean!" snapped Fred, having returned at the hearing of Connor's voice.

"Would you rather I'd killed him? You got him back, I got kicked out into a world I don't understand, that I don't like, that I don't belong in!" Connor felt like he was having a breakdown, his mind was spinning and his dream kept jumping to the foreground. He backed away from Buffy, knowing something was about to give.

"Connor-"

"No! Why did you kick me out but tell me you loved me? Why did you come to save me in Wolfram and Hart when you were just going to ignore and abandon me because of Cordy? Why didn't you tell me Cordy was evil when you found out? Why do you let me in so far and keep me out all at once?"

Skip began to laugh, a mocking, amused laugh that vibrated through Connor's head.

Connor snapped.

"SHUT UP!!" His hands punched through the red palm sand barrier and grabbed Skip's head. With a roar Connor twisted it clean off, shattering the tough armour around Skip's neck. Connor threw the head away and Xander and Anya had to leap apart to avoid it hitting them. Connor snarled and turned around, looking for more to destroy. He just wanted to loose himself in destruction like he used to do.

Angel grabbed him by the shoulders, trying to hold him still. Connor shoved him away with one hand, sending him into the banisters. Calista jumped but said nothing, only moved out of the way.

Buffy tackled Connor, but the teen didn't even stumble. Instead Buffy found herself being thrown over the lobby table, crashing into Wesley. Faith pulled out a crossbow and aimed it at Connor, knowing better than to try to get near the kid when he was like this.

"Faith, wait! No!" shouted Angel, his eyes huge. Faith shot the arrow at Connor but Connor caught it and threw it back at her. Faith swore as it got her in the thigh and she crumpled a little. Robin caught her and held her up.

Connor swung his gaze to Calista who stared back without fear. With an incredible vertical leap Connor landed right in front of her. Calista stood her ground. Their eyes bore into each other's. Then Calista touched Connor's vampire face and pressed her thumb to his lips. They said nothing. Then Connor threw his head back and howled as his chest began to glow with a black light.

Angel couldn't understand it. It was light, but it was black. And it was spreading from Connor's chest through his body, until he was just a silhouette or a shadow standing before Calista who still hadn't moved away. The ground began to shake and dust and bits of plaster rained down from the ceiling. The Potentials came running.

The shadow spread out from Connor and seeped towards them. Angel stood his ground, bracing himself as the shadow crept up over his shoes and up his legs. Spike and Buffy both stood their ground as well, while the others moved away.

Angel felt warmth engulf him with the shadow, and he felt surprising peace fill him. It was as if every bad thing had vanished. Even Angelus was silent, as if he were no more. It was a glorious feeling. It was blissful nothingness, where nothing mattered. Then it was gone.

Angel staggered and fell to his knees, almost crying out at the loss of the tranquillity. When he came to his senses he realised Connor was sprawled out on the ground and Calista was leaning on the couch, one hand pressed to her stomach. Faith was now on the ground, the arrow still sticking out of her leg. Buffy had a large bruise on her forehead and Wesley looked very dizzy. The Potentials were all shaking.

"Ok, may I be the first to say, what the hell was that?" demanded Xander.

"Right behind you Slim Jim." agreed Lorne, rubbing his brow.

"Connor!" Angel crawled over to his son and turned Connor onto his back. Connor's face was back to human form but his skin was still luminescent. As Angel shook him, Connor's eyes snapped open and Angel was struck at how intense they were. They were like ice chips. Connor groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. "Connor? Are you ok? What was that?"

"Just give me a second." snapped Connor, pinching the bridge of his nose. When he looked up he asked Calista, "Cal… are you ok?"

"Yes. I'm fine. A little shaky but…" Calista stared at him in fascination. "Connor, what-"

"I… it's hard to explain."

"Well you'd better start talking." said Buffy in a deadly voice. Connor looked at her and said in a calm tone,

"You should watch your tone Slayer. You might find your 'Everybody sucks but me' attitude will cost you far more than you're willing to pay."

Spike and Xander both tensed at the underlying threat. Connor ignored them and got to his feet. Angel did the same.

"Connor-"

"I want answers." said Connor, cutting him off without any anger, "I want you to tell me the truth. Then I'll try to explain what just happened. But you go first. I've waited long enough for answers."

"I… I don't know which one to answer first."

"Try the one about Holtz. Why did you kill him when he was leaving?"

"I didn't!"

"He had neck wounds that were consistent with a vampire, and your scent was all over him. And at the beach I overheard Fred and Gunn talking about how you were going to kill him. All indications are telling me you killed him." There was definite anger under the almost emotionless tone Connor was now using. Angel's mouth hung open in shock. This was news to him.

"Connor, Justine killed Holtz." said Wesley, "They set it up so you would believe Angel had killed Holtz, because Holtz knew you'd take revenge on him besides just killing him, just like you'd been taught."

"You knew this?" demanded Angel and Connor at once. "And you never said?" added Angel.

"There's been no opportunity! And for the record, if you hadn't lied to Connor in the first place before going to find Holtz then maybe it would have all been avoidable."

Angel couldn't refute that.

"Well maybe if you hadn't decided to steal Connor in the first place none of this would have happened." snapped Gunn. "If you hadn't taken him then he'd have never grown up in hell, and this apocalypse would never have happened."

Wesley's cool façade cracked briefly, and the reasserted itself. "I see we're playing the blame game now. How mature."

"Look you two, just shut up!" snapped Angel, holding a hand out at them in warning. Then the vampire faced his son, trying not to look away from the intense, accusing eyes in front of him. "Connor… I did go to see Holtz, but we just talked, that's all. I swear. He told me he was leaving and you were to stay with me, just like that letter of his said. I didn't kill Holtz, he was alive when I left."

"Why didn't anyone think to mention this sort of thing to me? Why didn't you tell me all this?"

"Why didn't you tell me you'd overheard Fred and Gunn?"

"What reason did I have to trust you? I'd grown up hearing how you would lie to me, mislead me, trick me into letting you getting close before you snapped my neck. I used to have nightmares about it." Connor's eyes flicked to Calista who nodded, her eyes on the ground. "How could you just expect me to forget a lifetime of lessons, of beliefs?"

"Well… I didn't, I just… we were having fun for a while. Remember after we dusted those vamps in that club? Don't you remember-"

"Dad one moment doesn't make up for a lifetime! It can't, no matter how good it is. We messed around for about ten minutes and you expected that to just make up for hating you for damning me for hell? For making me go through being tied to trees when I was five so I could learn to track? For beatings I got for making mistakes? For all the times I was told your blood and my mum's made me evil by nature and growing up fearing death because I'd be cast into a place even worse than Quor-Toth? How could you just assume none of that matter because we shared a laugh?"

"Connor… Connor I'm so-"

"Do not say you're sorry!" shouted Connor, making the Potential's jump. Lorne and Giles ushered them back into their training room. "Sorry is just a way of avoiding the question. Sorry is just an excuse! Now tell me the truth."

"I don't know! I just… I just wanted to have you Connor, I was so happy to have you back that I didn't… I didn't want to think about what had happened to you, knowing that I wasn't there to protect you when you were fighting all those demons. Knowing that I missed everything, your first words, your first steps-"

"My first kill, my first infection, my first massacre." Connor's tone wasn't taunting, it was resigned, weary. Turning away from Angel, Connor walked over to Calista and perched on the back of the couch beside her. Calista lifted her head to him. "You know, I think I get it. I get why you expected it of me. It was because you couldn't accept that I had grown up without you. You couldn't face it, so you ignored it and when I didn't accept it… you gave up on me. As far as you were concerned, as long as I wasn't bleeding, then your job was done."

"No! Connor, please- I tried to get you back. I did. I would have given anything to have you back."

"But when you got me back you were more concerned with getting revenge on Holtz. I know you dad. You probably went, planning on killing him, but you didn't in the end because you'd felt you'd won. I was just the prize between you two. That's all." Connor dragged his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end.

"Connor-"

"Don't. It's done dad. You can't change it. You can't change that you lied to me. You can't change that I had to decapitate and burn the only father I'd ever known, just like he'd taught me."

"Oh Connor!" Calista flinched and grabbed his arm. It was only then that anyone else noticed the difference.

"Where's your cast Calista?" asked Willow, looking bewildered.

"Gone. Don't know where." Calista looked at Connor, and he met her gaze. "Connor I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Not your fault. I let him drive you away." Connor lowered his head, "I hate this! I want to hate him for taking me to Quor-Toth and for what he did to me but… I can't. He was my father! I loved him."

"I know." Calista hugged Connor to her. "Now Connor, please tell us what just happened to you. What does this all mean?" Connor closed his eyes and tilted his head back a little, his voice filled with awe,

"It was… it was amazing. I could feel the rage, the confusion and all I wanted to do was destroy. To break and smash and kill. Like in Quor-Toth. I wanted to be the Destroyer again. When I was him I didn't have to think. It was all just instinct. Then that feeling got stronger and you… you didn't look away from me. You weren't afraid of me. That was something I've always dreaded. You being afraid of me. But you weren't. And so I didn't fight the feeling for once, because I used to, in case it consumed me and I lost you. Then… I could feel this power filling me. It was from everything, in everything, and I could touch it. Destruction and devastation. But it wasn't evil. It was… it was nothingness. Neutrality. Grey. I can still feel it even now, it's like I'm connected to the world. I can feel it… but I can't explain what it's like." Connor opened his eyes and looked into Calista's. She was shaking. Connor reached out and touched her cheek. "I can feel the cells in your body dieing, making way for new ones. I can feel your hair growing because it's dead."

Connor was trembling and he closed his eyes as he seemed to be focusing on his connection with Calista. "I can sense the plants in the garden too. I can sense the way they're dieing because they've had no care, and no sunlight for so long. Even with the sun's return many of them are dieing. There's an alley dog five blocks away that's starving to death because there's nothing to eat. I can hear his heartbeat as it slows. I can feel it… Oh God!" Connor pulled away from Calista and staggered. He collapsed on the stairs and sat there, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open.

Angel approached his son slowly, unsure what to say or do. He was still reeling from the verbal assault and this new information was more than his stressed brain could handle.

"Connor?"

"Give me a little while dad, I need… I need to filter it all out. It's too much." Connor closed his eyes and seemed to shut down. His heart rate dropped and his breathing slowed to about a breath every two minutes or so. Angel watched him in open anxiousness.

Calista groaned and moved around the couch to sit down. Pinching the bridge of her nose she moaned,

"I have a headache. Although I suppose that isn't surprising since I recently had to witness the image of myself having sex with Angelus… did I really just say that out loud?"

"Kinda." Willow's eyes were bugging out. Angel looked rather mortified and Spike was looking torn between amusement and disgust.

"Oh, ignore me, I'm just… ugh!" Calista pinched harder, digging her fingers into the bone framing her eyes. Fred brought over some aspirin and water. Calista took them both. Then she slid to the side and fell asleep.

Reviews are always appreciated. I know Buffy's been a bit of a bitch, but she was kinda nasty in the final few eps before the end of the season, when she got her act together. Don't worry, I don't plan on keeping her that way. She's gonna wake up and smell the reality.

Night's Darkness