A/N:

Hi there all you lovely people - and Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays (whatever you say where you are).

So, it's quite the Christmas Miracle that I'm even updating this since I'm absolutely buried in exams at the moment (I know, it's fucking torture and not very Christmasy, right?). But... I've been procrastinating, and when I've been procrastinating I've been writing. Or been reading all the lovely fanfics that are out there lately. Have you read 12 years of Christmas yet? No? Do that and come back here then!

Special shoutout to, of course, seventales, for being my own personal editor. You can thank her for this being updated today! And to MyMediocrity for the very appreciated feedback and discussions about the story - it really helped a lot. And your wish to have a bit more insight to Emily? Well, it's been granted babes!

Yes, that's right people. This chapter will be from Emily's point of view. I thought it was about time she explained a few things, so a big part of the chapter will be a trip down memory lane to Lara and JJ's wedding - but from her point of view. The chapter itself was really hard for me to write, and I'm not sure if I've even managed to capture Emily's essence in it, but yeah... give it a go! I hope at least, if anything, that it'll explain a few things.

In other news I've been working on another story for a while. I got the idea after reading Electric Fell by foolishgames and I've more or less already the first chapter down. It's AU and very different from this one. Think... Moulin Rouge meets Pretty Woman meets Skins.. :p Anyway, I'll publish it over Christmas and I hope you'll give it a go!

Sorry for the rant! And thanks for reading you wonderful human beings.

Enjoy,

RS xx

Take me or Leave me

Chapter Fourteen

Emily's point of view

I was sat on Effy's bed, her legs draped over my lap, as I seriously contemplated throwing my bloody phone out of the window. A thing I truly hated about today's advanced phones was the fact that you know your message was delivered, you know the other person have read it and by default... you know they simply don't care about what you said.

"She's scared." Effy said quietly, looking numbly at nothing in particular.

"Huh?" I answered slightly confused, but somehow knowing exactly what or whom she was talking about.

I didn't care whether she was scared or not. She was always fucking scared. I told her that I needed her, and despite everything that had been going on, despite her making it clear that I shouldn't be running to her but to Rosie, she would still know how much it took for me to tell her that, to admit that. She should know that I wasn't making her my second choice, but that I needed her and no one else. Still, she'd run away, again. Nothing had changed, had it?

"You both are." Effy added, making me frown. She slowly removed her legs from my lap and went to sit on the windowsill.

After Naomi left I'd followed Effy to her room. I tried getting her to talk to me about what had happened, but she hadn't said anything until then. She had done nothing but stare out into the air, numb as ever. Somehow I figured there must've been something else going on with her other than a simple fight with Naomi. She was obviously struggling, which made it so much harder for me to believe Naomi would just leave her like that.

I was brought out of my train of thought when the phone I was still almost crunching in my hand started vibrating. For a moment my heart leaped into my throat by the thought of Naomi calling me. Maybe she'd changed her mind and for once decided not to run? I should've known it wasn't her.

Rosie. The fact that I had completely forgotten about her the moment I had seen Naomi walk through her front door earlier that afternoon, what did that say about me exactly?

"Hi… Rosie," I said in a quiet voice, not really knowing what mood the other girl would be in.

"Where are you?" she snapped, not sounding happy at all.

"I'm at Effy's..." I answered nervously.

"Great. So, you're hanging out with your fucking ex-girlfriend again then, even after I specifically told you I didn't like it?"

"Naomi isn't here..." I said looking nervously up at Effy, but she didn't seem to be paying attention to the conversation, "I think Effy mentioned something about her being in Bristol for the week."

"Fine." She answered and after a few seconds she sighed deeply and continued, "Look, babe. I know I've been a bitch lately and that I haven't been around as much, but work is just really crazy at the moment and I really want to do good for my dad, you know? I really miss you. I miss us. "

"I miss you too." I said quietly.

"I promise I'll make it up to you, Ems. I love you so much and we're gonna get through this, okay? As soon as my dad finds us a nice apartment we can get settled and stuff, yeah? When will you be back at Katie's?"

"Um… Look, Rosie, Effy's not feeling too good at the moment, so if it's okay I think I'd like to stay over, and look after her." I said, hoping to God she wouldn't get mad about it.

"Alright." She said coldly after a while, "Perhaps we could have dinner tomorrow night? "

"Yeah, sounds... good."

She didn't say anything at first, and I knew she could tell something wasn't right. Hell, something hadn't been right for a long time, but somehow, after spending time with Naomi, I was having a hard time convincing myself, convincing Rosie, that everything was fine. It wasn't. I wasn't.

"I love you." She finally said seriously.

"Love you too." I answered half-heartedly before hanging up, not sure I could even convince myself of it anymore.

Things with Rosie were complicated to say the least. She wasn't always like this. Or well… from what I've gathered, maybe she was, but just not with me. When we first met she was exactly what I needed. After Naomi and I had split up again, after having her give up on me, on us, after everything we had been through, again, something just broke inside of me. And it wasn't like the previous times she had hurt me either. It felt… final somehow, and it was like a part of me was ripped out and I was left with an empty hole inside of me that couldn't be filled – until I met Rosie.

We met in a bookstore. I was having trouble reaching a book on the upper shelves, and she came to my rescue. Instead of thanking her though I started bawling my eyes out like some bloody sap. Naomi always helped me whenever I had trouble reaching stuff, and realizing she wasn't the one handing me the book with a smirk on her lips, that she never would be again, made me break down all over again.

It had been a few weeks since I'd seen her the last time at that point, and after waking up in a cold bed yet again without her so much as trying to win me back, I'd finally decided to move on for good. Or try to anyway.

Rosie wasn't fazed though. Instead of running away from the obvious damaged goods in front of her, she pulled me into a hug and soothed me until I calmed down. From there on out she slowly filled that empty hole with every kiss, every touch, every word and look that said that she really did love me, that she really wanted me. And as opposed to Naomi she was ready to fight for me.

Of course the hole was never really filled, not as it once had been at least. It wasn't the same and I knew it. Every time she looked at me or kissed me, I knew. But with time I learned to stop comparing them. I learned how to appreciate what I had instead of pining after a happily ever after that was never going to happen. And with time I learned to love her.

When JJ and Lara's wedding came around I'd done a truly splendid job of convincing myself that I was finally over Naomi. Boy was I wrong… The minute I saw her standing there, in that beautiful strapless navy dress and gorgeous blue eyes looking back at me, my heart stopped, and every attempt at convincing myself I was over her had been for nothing. It wasn't until I realized she was actually glaring at me that I remembered that we weren't seventeen anymore and that I had in fact another girl on my arm as my date. A girl I was supposed to be madly in love with. In that moment though, I couldn't help but compare what I felt for Rosie with what Naomi could make me feel by doing absolutely nothing.

Throughout the entire evening I watched her. I couldn't help myself. Even completely drunk off her tits she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. Having a 5'11 gorgeous brunette and ex-model turned businesswoman next to me didn't change that. And after Katie had, not so subtly, told me that I was a daft cow and that the reason why Naomi was blatantly ignoring me was because she was jealous, I knew I needed to talk to her. As much as I still cared for her, as much as I couldn't deny still being in love with her, I needed to properly end things so we could both finally move on.

In hindsight I think, somewhere, subconsciously, I knew what would happen when I went to find her in the lobby. I've never been able to control myself when I was around that girl. That night was no different. She looked so broken and whether or not that was due to the amount of alcohol she'd consumed, it broke my heart. I knew I should've probably told her about Rosie, but I didn't know how. And I didn't know she would react like she did either…

"How did you think I would fucking react, Emily? Did you think I would just congratulate her, whatever the fuck her name is, on getting the only thing that has ever made me feel the least bit of real happiness, huh? Did you think I would give you my blessing and ask if we should all go out for coffee one day? I guess you would, 'cause you've clearly moved on." She'd said in the hallway of the hotel.

Real happiness. Thing was, when I looked back, it didn't seem like she'd ever really been that happy with me. Why else would she fucking cheat on me after finally getting together? Why would she give up on everything we had even after I had forgiven her? I knew she had loved me, but was that enough? I mean, love doesn't necessarily equal happiness. I learned that the hard way. It just didn't make sense to me, so I asked her the only thing I could think of in the moment. A question I for some reason desperately needed an answer to.

"Haven't you?"

I knew from the way her entire body tensed in that moment, the quick intake of breath and the hesitation that she hadn't. She hadn't moved on and with that realization every rational thought disappeared from my mind and I couldn't help the sudden need to be close to her again. I crashed our lips together the second she turned around and from there on I couldn't have stopped... even if I wanted to.

I'm not sure at what point I realized it. Whether it was before I found her in the lobby, after I kissed her or when she was pulling my dress off of me, but at one point I realized that what we were doing wasn't some kind of happy reunion. It wasn't the start of our happily ever after. It was quite the opposite. It was goodbye, and we both knew it. It broke my heart all over again… And I really couldn't stand it.

When I woke up I watched her sleep for at least an hour, wanting to remember every feature of her angelic face and gorgeous body. She looked so peaceful; she always did when she was asleep. It was like the real Naomi Campbell showed her face whenever she slept, all soft and kind features and no frown. People were always wrong about her. They thought of her as this cold-hearted reserved bitch that couldn't care less about anyone but herself, but she was just the opposite. And she deserved more than anyone to be happy, we both did.

So when I got up I tried not to wake her, not sure if I could survive another goodbye. As it were, she woke on her own.

"Please don't leave me." She'd said in the most heartbreaking voice I'd ever heard, "Don't go back to her. I can't… you don't belong with her."

I wished with my whole heart that she hadn't said anything. I wished that she had never woken up and we could've just had that one night and hopefully move on. As soon as she'd referred to Rosie though, whom I honestly hadn't thought about until then, I felt worse than I had for a long time.

Guilt of having done exactly what Naomi had done to me once, knowing how absolutely devastating and heartbreaking a betrayal it was, washed over me when I realized I'd done the exact same thing to a woman whom loved me, whom I loved. Whether that was as much as I loved Naomi didn't matter. On top of that, I'd been under the impression that we both knew that it had been goodbye the night before, and the fact that she realized that she wanted to be with me then, after having seen me with someone else, after having fucked me for months and months after splitting up without realizing that…

"Oh no? Well where do I belong then Naomi? With you? Because despite what you might think, meaningless drunk sex from time to time is not what I'm looking for." I'd said in response.

Truth was, it was far from meaningless. It had never been meaningless between us, but when I recognized the hurt look on her face, a look she'd put on my own face on so many occasions, looking right back at me, I just couldn't stop everything I was feeling from rushing out.

"You know, I just can't believe you. I can't believe you can stand there, look me in the eye and tell me that when you've made it perfectly clear time after fucking time that you don't want me when you finally have me. You want the chase, Naomi, and you can fucking have it. I'm done. I'm just done… I'm going to try and salvage the relationship I've royally screwed up by doing exactly the same thing you did to me and when I walk out that door that's it. Whatever this is… It's over. This was goodbye, Naomi. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for."

When I closed the door after me I could hear her heart breaking on the other side of the door as she started crying. I'm not sure if my heart could break anymore at that point, but knowing I was the cause of breaking the woman I loved more than anything in the world, nearly destroyed me.

I wanted to go back in so badly, I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that it was going to be okay. But I couldn't. The only thing that would result in was pro-longing the inevitable. I loved her so much, but we both had to accept that love just wasn't enough, so after one last tearful glance at the door, still holding on to the door handle, I'd left her.

I went back to my own room, fully knowing what I'd have to do. I might've done the same horrible thing to Rosie as Naomi had done to me once, but I was at least going to be honest about it.

I walked into my room, shoes in hand, ruffled red hair and tears streaming down my face. I must've looked like a right mess. Rosie sat on the bed that was still made, her head bowed, as she looked down on her hands in her lap.

She looked up when I dropped the shoes on the floor, her pained look and tears clenching at my barely beating heart. There was no way around what was going to happen, the guilt was all over my face and I knew she knew, so I simply said sobbing, "I'm sorry."

For the second time that morning I saw another heart break at the hands of my own cruelness and I recognized the look of betrayal mixed with heartbreak all too well. I had worn it myself for months one time after all.

She looked down again, and in a pained voice asked, "Who?"

I know I said I wanted to be honest, but for some reason I couldn't let her know I'd slept with Naomi. Despite what I'd told Naomi it hadn't been meaningless. And in hindsight, what I'd done to Rosie was so much worse than what Naomi ever did to me. First of all, I knew how it felt to be betrayed like that. I knew how absolutely damaging it was to find out that the person you loved had deceived you in the cruelest way, knowing that you loved them and that you trusted them. Still I'd gone against every value and moral instinct I'd taken pride in to live by throughout my life and betrayed someone who didn't deserve it. And second of all, when Naomi slept with Sophia it hadn't meant anything, I knew that, which is why I eventually decided to forgive her. I loved Naomi. I would always love Naomi, so how was I supposed to let Rosie know I'd slept with someone I'd always love more than I loved her? I couldn't.

"It doesn't matter… it was no one… no one special," I'd said sobbing, "I'm so sorry, Rosie, it didn't mean anything."

She completely startled me then when she moved off the bed in a flash and came to stand in front of me.

"It didn't mean anything?" she yelled, her hurt look nearly completely replaced by anger, "well, it fucking meant something to me, Emily! How the fuck could you do something like that to me? I trusted you! I thought you loved me, I thought we had something special!"

"I do love you!" I cried, "Please, Rosie, I'm so sor-"

I didn't even understand what had happened until I felt my cheek sting and throb with pain. I lifted my hand to my cheek as a reflex and looked up at her in complete shock at what she'd done. Somehow I thought I'd be met with a look of regret, a look of disbelief of what she'd done, but I wasn't. The only thing I could see in her dark green eyes was anger.

"Don't you fucking dare tell me how sorry you are. Don't you dare tell me that you love me. If you did you wouldn't have fucked some random girl right under my fucking nose!" she screamed at me.

That was exactly how I'd felt when I first found out about Naomi and Sophia. I didn't think she could've loved me if she could do something like that to me and there I was, making a woman who'd done nothing but love me, feel the exact same way.

As shocked and terrified as I might've been from what Rosie had done, the guilt that washed over me was stronger. I couldn't believe I was putting her through the same thing that I had spent months punishing Naomi for. I'd spent so much time convincing myself that Naomi was to blame for us not working out in the end, because she cheated in the first place. But perhaps it wasn't all her fault. Maybe I was just as much to blame in the end as she was.

All I could think about in that moment was that I needed Rosie to forgive me, I needed to make it work with her, I needed to make up for doing this to her somehow.

"Please," I sobbed, my voice more anxious and quiet than I'd heard it in years, "Forgive me… I'll do anything."

Rosie didn't say anything at first; she just kept looking at me hatefully. In the corner of my eye I could see her clenching and unclenching her hands repeatedly. A shiver ran down my spine and I found myself looking at her pleadingly.

The next second she slammed her hand into the wall next to us, making me jump slightly in shock. I didn't dare moving as she looked at her hand on the wall, almost fuming with anger.

"Pack your things. We're leaving." She said finally without looking at me, and turned around to pack her stuff.

I still didn't move. I wasn't even sure I'd heard her right. Was she actually forgiving me?

"Now, Emily!" She yelled, "Before I change my fucking mind."

And with that I did as I was told. I packed my things and left with Rosie, barely noticing my still stinging cheek.

I shivered slightly at the memory as I subconsciously rubbed my arm where fairly new bruises was showing. You could almost make out the grip that had formed them. It had gotten worse since Naomi came back into my life, but now that she was, the thought of not having her in my life was killing me. At the same time though, I was too afraid to leave Rosie… for several reasons.

"They won't go away no matter how much you rub, Emily."

I looked up horrified. I'd completely forgotten where I was as I took a trip down memory lane, but Effy wasn't even looking at me, she was still staring out of the window.

"Wha… what?" I asked nervously, covering up the bruises again with my shirt.

"She's not going to make it back in time." She said evenly, ignoring my question.

"What do mean, Eff?" I asked softly as I got off the bed and slowly walked over to her to put my arm reassuringly on her shoulder, "Who won't make it back in time for what?"

She continued looking out the window for a while, but didn't seem to focus on anything.

A few seconds later her eyes focused on something in the distance, her arms went protectively around herself and in a quiet, almost childish voice, she said, "They're coming... and she won't be here to chase them away."

A/N:

Well.. what did you think? I honestly don't take pleasure in writing Emily like that, I really don't. It was so hard for me to write, but I hope you'll bear with me until Rosie gets what's coming to her in the wrath of Naomi Campbell (and also Katie).

Seems like Effy's had a bit of a relapse? :( It will all be explained soon enough. I'm already halfway through the next chapter, but I'm not sure whether it will be explained there or in the chapter after that.

Tell me what you thought, all feedback is appreciated. Either way - THANK YOU FOR READING! :D

Until next time lovelies,

RS xx