A/N; I do NOT own the Divergent series.
I'm just messing around with it.

Why did he have to get out of bed? Did he know something was going to happen? How did he find us? What made him give up his life for mine? Why didn't he save himself? Why?
I can't wrap my head around it.
'Why?' It's the only thing running through my mind as I sob. But eventually, the sobs die down. I lean back onto my heels, wiping my face. I don't look up until I'm sure I'm no longer crying. I keep my eyes on my hands that are covered in Peter's blood.
Finally, I take a few deep breaths and stand. I square my shoulders, but I feel cold, empty and I am sure my face shows it because when I turn to look at my friends, my family, I see that they are taken aback. I raise my chin defiantly and stalk towards the dormitory. The crowd clears a path for me.
Getting to the dorms takes a lot of energy, but I need to get rid of the blood. I need to get rid of everything I'm wearing. I turn on the light grabbing clothes and a towel on my way past, not caring how much noise I'm making. In the shower, I strip and throw the soiled clothes toward the waste disposal. I turn the dial and tilt my head back closing my eyes. I tip my head forward, my chin resting on my chest. I open my eyes and see the blood is still on my hands and that's when I begin to panic. Frantically, I scrub at myself, scraping my skin raw.
When I deem myself clean, I step out, dry off and quickly dress. I brush the tugs out of my hair and braid it. I stride out of the shower area, through the dorm and out the door. I don't know where my feet are taking me.
Absentmindedly, I wind up in the middle of the Pit, watching as some Dauntless haul Al's body up and out of the chasm. As they pull him over the railing, my feet take me forward. The Dauntless around me step out of the way and cast me wary glances. They lay him down and I see that his eyes are closed and his mouth still holds the smile he gave me as he fell.
Someone thinks I'm close enough and places their hand on my shoulder, someone else doing the same to the other. I look up to the right to see Max shaking his head. I turn to the left and see Eric doing the same.
"He gave his life up for me. He..." I take a breath. "...He died saving me. I don't have to stress the importance of giving him a last goodbye!" My voice is emotionless, hollow and empty.
I shrug off their hands and continue on my path. As I come to his side, I lower myself to my knees. I feel nothing. Folding his hands on his stomach, I lean forward and kiss his forehead.
"Be at peace now, brother," I whisper. "Bravery was your last act and it is by that in which we will remember you." I press my forehead against his, the coolness of his body, sending chills to my very core. "Albert, the brave!"
I stand, take a few steps back, dust myself off, square my shoulders and turn to Max and Eric.
"What will be done about his murderer?" I ask.
"Considering he's not a member, according to our society's rules, he'll have to visit Candor and undergo the truth serum. If he were a member, he'd be executed after a Dauntless trial." Max replies.
"But that'll have to wait until he wakes up," Eric butts in. "As far as our doctors can tell, his lower jaw bone is..." He thinks about the right words, "...smashed to pieces and he's sustained some brain injuries. You really did a number on him."
"Good!" It comes out harsh, cold and raging. "I should have killed him when I had the chance and you two wouldn't let me. Now look at what's happened! A perfectly good man is dead. If Peter's still alive after his trial, I'm done!"
I push through the middle of them, making sure they know I'm pissed.

"Tris!" I hear Max call out, but I ignore him.
"Tris!" Eric tries.
"Initiate!" The sharpness makes my steps falter, but I keep going.
My feet take me to the training room. I flip the switch, remove my jacket and step up to a punch bag. I roll my shoulders and stretch. I block everything but the punch bag out and start throwing punches.
"I'm gonna make it bend and break. Say a prayer but let the good times roll, in case God doesn't show. And I want these words to make things right, but it's the wrongs that make the words come to life. 'Who does he think he is?' If that's the worst you got, better put your fingers back to the keys."
I don't think, I just sing and punch.
"One night and one more time. Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great. 'He tastes like you only sweeter.' One night, yeah and one more time, thanks for the memories. Thanks for the memories, 'see, he tastes like you only sweeter.'"
Or sing and elbow.
"Been looking forward to the future, but my eyesight is going bad. And this crystal ball is always cloudy except for, when you look into the past, one night stand off."
Or sing and knee.
"One night and one more time. Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great. 'He tastes like you only sweeter.' One night, yeah and one more time, thanks for the memories. Thanks for the memories, 'see, he tastes like you only sweeter.'"
Or sing and kick.
"They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers, in hotel rooms, collecting page six lovers. Get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes. I'm a liner away from getting you into the mood, whoa!
"One night and one more time. Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great. 'He tastes like you only sweeter.' One night, yeah and one more time, thanks for the memories. Thanks for the memories, 'see, he tastes like you only sweeter.'
"One night and one more time. Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great. 'He tastes like you only sweeter.' One night, yeah and one more time, thanks for the memories. Thanks for the memories, 'see, he tastes like you only sweeter.'

Before I know it, my body is heavy with fatigue. The energy gone from stomping on Drew's foot, lashing out with my feet, repeatedly punching Peter and holding onto Al for as long as I did. I can't lift my arms and my forehead rests against the bag. I'm not sure whether it's sweat or tears that I feel on my face. I'm not sure I want to find out either. I collect my jacket and find a dark, quiet hallway. I sit down with my back against the concrete, pulling my legs into my chest. I cover as much of me as possible with my jacket. Letting my head fall forward, I don't feel my eye close.

Something nudges my shoulder and I groan.
The nudge comes again and I lift my head slowly. There is an ache in my neck. I squint, trying to see what woke me. All I see is the dark silhouette of a crouched person.
"Come on, Tris!" The voice doesn't register very well.
"Go 'way!" My throat is scratchy and dry.
"You can't sleep here."
"Said go 'way!" I put my head back down and my eyes slip closed.

When I wake in the morning, the words 'Fear God alone' are painted on a plain white wall. I hear the sound of a shower running. I don't know where I am, or whose apartment this is but I am extremely comfortable. I stretch and groan because of the ache in my back and neck. I hear cracks and it makes my back feel so much better. I sit up in time to see Four throw on a black shirt. I catch the corner of a tattoo as he turns to flip the bathroom's light switch.
"Morning," he says. "The leaders are giving everyone today off because of what happened last night."
"How much did everyone see?"
"Well, I was on my way back from the control room when I heard a scream. When I got to the chasm, there was already a crowd. No one was moving. I saw and heard you shouting at Al to pull himself together and well, you know the rest."
I close my eyes and drop my head. That means that Al could've lived, if someone had just helped me. I feel something hit my thighs and then I'm sobbing again. I take a few deep breaths, hoping to stop the crying. Four hands me some tissues and a glass of water.
"Hey, Four?" He lifts an eyebrow. "Can I trust you, implicitly?" He nods, serious. "What would you say if I told you there's going to be an attack on Abnegation?"
"I'd say it's a very high possibility and I've had my suspicions about something like that happening. But why would someone want to attack Abnegation?"
"Let's just say they have something that someone wants and that someone is going to go on the offensive, soon! Don't do anything stupid with what I just said and don't trust everything you read, anywhere."
"Okay," he says slowly. "Come on, time for breakfast."
I'm not hungry but I know I have to eat something.
"I mean it, Four. Not everything is as it seems. You may think you're looking at a traitor, when really, you're looking at the person that's been passing information onto the loyal." I sigh, "I need to go get changed before doing anything." I don't want to go to the dorms. If I have to look at Christina and Will for an extended period of time, I won't be able to hold myself together.
As we're leaving Four's apartment, he says, "Max wants to see you in his office after breakfast so don't be late!"

I change and don't bother with breakfast.
"Here you go," Tori says. She hands me a steaming mug that smells like peppermint. I hold it with both hands, my fingers prickling with warmth.
She sits down across from me. When it comes to funerals, the Dauntless don't like wasting time. Tori said they want to acknowledge death as soon as possible. Everyone else is at breakfast, waiting for the funeral mid-morning.
At home, a funeral is a sombre occasion. Everyone gathers to support the deceased's family and no one has idle hands, but there is no laughter, or shouting, or joking. And the Abnegation don't drink alcohol so everyone is sober. It makes sense that funerals would be the opposite here.
"Drink it," she says. "It will make you feel better, I promise."
"I don't think that tea is the solution," I say slowly. But I sip it anyway. It warms my mouth and my throat and trickles into my stomach. I didn't realise how cold I was until I wasn't anymore.
"'Better' is the word I used. Not 'good.'" She smiles at me, but the corners of her eyes don't crinkle like they usually do. "I don't think 'good' will happen for a while."
I bite my lip. "How long..." I struggle for the right words. "How long did it take for you to be okay again, after your brother..."
"Don't know." She shakes her head. "Some days I feel like I'm still not okay. Some days I feel fine. Happy, even. It took me a few years to stop plotting revenge, though."
"Why did you stop?" I ask.
Her eyes go vacant as she stares at the wall behind me. She taps her fingers against her leg for a few seconds and then says, "I don't think of it as stopping. More like I'm...waiting for my opportunity."
"Hold onto the hope that he may still be out there, but I guarantee you get your chance sooner rather than later!" I tell her.
She comes out of her daze and checks her watch.
"Time for you to go if you don't want to keep Max waiting," she says.
I pour the rest of my tea down the sink. I hug Tori and thank her as I take my leave.

I walk to Max's office, slowly. I don't want to face him just yet, but I need to know how much of last night he saw. I need to know why no one helped pull Al up. I need to know why no one stepped up when Al, the guy who didn't want to hurt anyone, stepped up for me.
I knock on the door and wait. It only takes a minute before the door opens, revealing Max. When I step past him, I see Eric and one of the female leaders sitting on a sofa.
My voice is monotonous when I speak.
"What's this about?" I ask.
"Please, take a seat." Max points to the chair across from his.
"I'd rather not," I tell him. I stand with my feet shoulder width apart, my back straight and my hands clasped behind my back.
"Have it your way, then." Max leans back into his chair, seemingly relaxed, but I see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands grasp the arms of the chair. "We thought we'd let you know that Peter is in a coma and it looks like he won't be waking up."
I think that over in my head. Peter, in a coma, brain dead? Good, I told him I'd kill him if he stepped out of line again and he done just that!
The others in the room look like they're waiting for a reaction and seem disappointed when they don't get one.
"Is that all? Can I go now?"
"No. That's not all." Max touches the screen of a small Dauntless tablet a few times. "We'd like to formally apologise for not offering help when it was needed."
The laugh that throws itself from my throat is cold, hollow and empty and it surprises all four of us.
"Shove your apologies, sir. My friend died because the whole of Dauntless were too cowardly to do anything about it! That boy saved my life, giving his own up in the process and you want to apologise for not being as Dauntless as I thought you all were. He was family and more Dauntless than any Dauntless in this compound.
"You expect me to accept an apology when I know for a fact that so many people witnessed what happened last night and not one of them done a damn thing about it? And they call this the warrior faction; the brave faction. You want me to forgive and forget that I almost died last night and the only person with the courage to help me, died? He died and all you can offer is an apology? What is wrong with you people? Two Dauntless initiates are dead, because none of the Dauntless members done anything to help or stop it. You know those people that have already passed through initiation and claimed their 'bravery.'" Here comes the sarcasm, "Amazing faction you have here! Has anyone read the manifesto? Do they know what it actually says? You should probably have everyone tattoo it to themselves then no one will forget, that seems like something the Dauntless would do!"
They ride it out without a sound.
"You and the other leaders turned initiation into a competition and now, people are being murdered because of it. I hope you're all so proud of yourselves, because if this is the Dauntless I have to live in, in future? I'd rather be factionless and I know so many people that'd follow me! What will the leaders do when they only have half a faction? What happens when half of the warrior faction, the faction that protects this city and its inhabitants, move out and disappear? What will the other factions say?" I feel heat in my face and I know I have an angry blush. There is fire in my eyes and I have never been angrier. "I hope you're happy, Uncle Max, because shit just got serious! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a funeral to attend."

"Hold on just a minute, young lady," the woman scolds.
I scoff as I turn to face her.
"What?"
"You can't just come in here and say all that without consequences."
"Julia," Max warns.
I laugh a full belly laugh. "You don't get it, do you?" I ask.
"Don't get what? You come in here, speak to three leaders like that and expect to get off scot free."
"You think I'm getting off without consequences?" I ask my voice hard. "Every time I close my eyes, I watch my friend fall to his death. Every time I blink, I see him telling me to let him go. When I sleep, I feeling my muscles straining to hold onto him, my hands cramping from the exertion and I feel him slipping through my grasp and then I see you! Dauntless, the brave, doing nothing about it. And you have the nerve to offer me an apology. An apology won't turn back time and it won't bring him back from the dead. Yet, it still makes you look like cowards. Apologising makes you look like cowards. Lady, I don't care if you're a leader or not, but being insensitive and downright disrespectful at a time like this will get you nowhere, except my shit list! And that, at best, is stupidity. At worst, I can't guarantee you'd live. You think that just because you're a leader, you're untouchable? That because I'm a sixteen year old girl, I don't have any life experience? If that's what you think, then you are sorely mistaken. I couldn't care any less than I do now about leadership. I lost respect for leadership last night, when they stood back and watched as my friend saved my life and told me to practically end his. Now get the fuck outta here, or so help me, I will make you leave. Permanently!"
When she doesn't move, I step up to the door and hold it open.
"Last chance, lady!"
"Julia, I think you'd better do as she says. She's a force to be reckoned with when she's happy, and right now, she's pissed. Extremely pissed!"
"This isn't over," she hisses as she walks past.
"Oh, honey. If you want to go a few rounds, I'll end it because I'm in the mood for it now."
She keeps walking.

I throw the door closed and turn back to Max as it slams shut. I don't even flinch.
His eyes are wary as he sits up straight. The tension in the room is thick and heavy.
"Beatrice, you have every right to be angry, but taking it out on Julia wasn't the right thing to do. She could have you executed for that."
"Good, let her try."
"I'm serious. You need to see reason."
"I'm being serious too, sir! Which reason would you like me to see? How about...why you didn't help me when I needed it? Or...why I was attacked by three males and almost killed? Wait, I know! Why am I still here when I should be getting ready to attend a funeral? That's right, I don't need to be here, I need to be there, saying goodbye to my friend and honouring his memory."

"There's no getting through to you, is there?"
"Meaning...what, exactly?"
"You think the Dauntless don't see your pain? You think they don't care that they didn't do anything? Every single member that witnessed what happened last night is feeling guilty. And don't forget the anger at themselves for their cowardice last night. And honestly, I don't blame them for not helping," he holds a hand up when I try to interrupt. "Do you know what it's like to see an initiate, but not just any initiate; a tiny girl! Who is blindfolded, take down two people a lot bigger than her? And then hold onto a third for as long as she can? And finally beat the living shit out of a fourth? It's shocking and in the eyes of the Dauntless, it's stunning. What you did last night in the face of death? That's what courage is; that's Dauntless." He takes a deep breath and continues, "Eric and I were on our way to our apartments, walking past the chasm when we saw what was happening. We were the first people there and I just couldn't move. Watching as someone you've witnessed grow from being a child into a young adult, is marched towards the deadliest thing in the compound, that kind of fear is heart stopping." I see the fear in his eyes as he zones out and relives what he saw. It is terrifying to watch someone like Max, who is so strong, crumble.
"Why did no one stop me from killing Peter?" I am genuinely curious and my voice is quiet.

"We were there when you warned him, and as far as we're concerned, you left him alive and breathing." I had forgotten that Eric was in the room.
"Really? What are you going to tell his parents, the other faction leaders? Are you going to tell them exactly what happened? Or are you going to tell them something different?"
"Let's just get Al's funeral out of the way, shall we? It's time."

As we walk through the double doors that lead to the Pit, I see people staggering and giggling, already drunk. But when they see me, flanked by Max and Eric, everyone stops what they're doing and stands up as straight as they can. The further we walk, the quieter the room gets, the only sound is the rush of water in the chasm.
Christina and Will move toward us and I shake my head. I can see the swollen, bloodshot eyes of Christina and I can't handle it right now. I need to be able to get through this as quickly and as emotionlessly as possible.
Max and Eric climb up onto a table and pull me up, against my will. We wind up in the same formation as we were when walking through the Pit. All eyes are on us, the other leaders standing to our left.
"As we all know," Eric begins, "we're here because of the events that transpired late last night. We've lost two souls. Yes, Peter, an initiate, succumbed to his injuries this morning, but he was a coward!"
Max continues, "It'd be easy to mourn the deaths, but we did not choose a life of ease here at Dauntless."
"The truth is, Albert, another initiate, and my self-proclaimed brother gave up his life for mine and I would not be here today if it weren't for him. He was thrown into the chasm by Peter." I tell them.
"Albert is now exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He was thrown into vicious waters, long before his time. Albert was not yet one of our members, but we can be assured that he was one of our bravest! We will celebrate him now, and remember him always."
Someone hands me a bottle. I raise it and shout, "To Albert, the Courageous!"
A whoop rises from the centre of the crowd. The Dauntless cheer at varying pitches, bright and deep, and high and low. Their roar overcomes the sound of the water. I take a drink from the bottle and the liquid burns my throat.
"To Albert!" shouts the crowd. Arms lift all around the room and the Dauntless chant his name. They chant until his name no longer sounds like his name. It sounds like the primal scream of an ancient race.
Max steps down into the crowd and disappears. I see Will and Christina standing on the edge of the crowd with Uriah, Lynn and Marlene. They all have their drinks raised and pointed in my direction, waiting for acknowledgement. I raise my glass and give a sharp nod, and we tip our bottles back at the same time. I watch them as I drink, no one seems happy but they don't seem all that sad either. My guess is they don't want to seem happy or sad, up or down. They just want to drink and drown their sorrows.
I am about to step down when a hand lands on my shoulder and a body goes past me. Eric turns to me and holds out a hand.
Who said chivalry was dead?
Back on two feet, Eric pulls me through the crowd. I don't know where we're going but we walk through many a dark hallway. At the end of the one we're walking now is a drinking fountain, bathed in the blue glow of the light above it.
"Eric, where are we going?" He ignores me and keeps walking. He pulls me into a darker hallway. He peeks out of the entrance and then turns to me, "You need to be more careful in the simulations. The Erudite get all the feeds and they've specifically asked that I keep an eye on you. Jeanine's been on my ass about Divergents since we started with the simulations."
"So that's who you were talking to last night?" I whisper.
"Yes. Wait, how did you know?"
"I went to get a drink at the fountain and heard you talking to someone, that's when I was grabbed."
"Okay," he draws it out. "Jeanine's becoming suspicious of you. You need to do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away, because if she discovers it...let's just say it won't be good for you."
"Great! The psychotic head of Erudite has it out for me. How, exactly, am I supposed to get through the simulations without manipulating them?"
"Think Dauntless. What would a Dauntless do if their fear was drowning?"
"I don't know, swim deeper? But what would a Dauntless do if they were forced to choose between family and faction while being held at gun point?" I ask. I need to know.
"That depends on the initiate. Is their family Dauntless? If not then technically, 'Faction Before Blood' can be taken two ways in that scenario. One, you shoot your faction before your family. Two, you save your faction members for last. "
"And if no one has a weapon except for the initiate and the person holding the gun to their head?"
"Think about it. If you're Dauntless and you're being threatened, do you do as they say or neutralise the threat?"
I nod. It gives me a lot to think about. Would a Dauntless refuse to shoot either? Would they take the bullet to the head instead? Would they shoot their family, or their faction members? Would they shoot themselves or the person holding them at gun point?
"Jeanine's trying to bring stage three forward quicker. She wants initiation over and done with so we can go to war."

I spend the rest of the day, wandering around in a daze of sorts. At dinner, I sit with my friends and the mood around us is lively and light, but the mood at our table is sombre. We're all pushing our food around our plates when a hand lands on my shoulder. I whip around and see the initiate that was with Peter and Drew.
"Tris, I'm sorry. I thought they were only trying to scare you."
"Get away from me!" I tell him quietly.
"I didn't know Peter would go that far." He tries to plead his case.
"I don't care what you thought. Peter and Al are dead because Peter was a coward. You followed Peter because you believed his lies. He came from Candor, right? So he wouldn't lie, right? You are a coward. Drew, is a coward. You have ten seconds to walk away or I'm going to do a lot more damage than I did last night!" I hear my friends stand but I don't face them. His eyes dart everywhere and I hear something that sounds like cracking knuckles. When I do glance at my friends, I see the rage on their faces. Uriah, Will and Marlene are cracking their knuckles in preparation for a fight. I turn back to see the initiate looking defeated and so, he turns and walks off.
"You know, I remember the other day with clarity. Al had been giving me a piggyback ride when he and Will decided it'd be fun to throw us over their shoulders and run to the dining hall. I'd never seen him look so carefree and happy," Christina says. "That's the way I want to remember him."
"No, the first day of the fights. Edward tried making fun of him and Al knocked him out cold. He looked so panicked afterwards, thinking he'd killed him." Will tells Uriah, "But that's just the kind of guy he was. He didn't want to hurt anyone."
"Right before he died, he got Peter good! I mean a combination punch. He ducked Peter's fist and hit him twice with his right fist and socked him with the left. It was beautiful!" I tell them. I smile at the memory. Al had never looked comfortable hurting anyone but at the time, he looked like he'd been doing it his whole life.
Like he was made for it.