Something to Remind You- Staind
Janet POV
"ARG is at 70% Colonel," came a disembodied voice over the radio. "Colonel, the Asuran ship has appeared from behind the nearby moon. They are headed our way." "ETA?" called General O'Neill. The ship rocked throwing the crew around star trek style. "Now…. Missile impacted on the level 7, sensors report minimal damage." Colonel Caldwell called over the radio, "Where are we with that weapon?" "95%, sir." "Blast it as soon as you reach 100." "Yes, sir." "Sir, another missile incoming." A wave of energy suddenly passed over the bridge and disintegrated the missile as it spread out. "The Asuran ship has been destroyed. The Phoenix is at a stand-still. Attempting connect to the ship's systems…I'm getting limited connection. Propulsion is offline, no communications, transport is non-functioning and life support is now failing. On-board sensors are of no use, I can't locate Colonel Carter's beacon."
"Caldwell, send us over. We'll have to search for her manually." "General, the life support is failing." "Then we will have to be fast, won't we?" One of the sensor operators came over juggling four devices, "these sensors should help you find her, sir. Good luck."
They were sent over in small groups; Col O'Neill and Daniel at the uppermost deck, Teal'c and Janet on the lowest, and Col Sheppard, Teyla, Ronan and Dr Keller splitting up from the middle decks. Teal'c kept his weapon primed, though they had been assured that the replicators were completely destroyed. The halls were eerily empty and the reflection of their flashlights bounced endlessly.
The oppressive silence weighed heavily on Janet as they began to clear each floor. "Level 1, clear." Sam was somewhere here alone, probably injured. "Level 2, clear." But Sam had been alone before the attack. "Level 3, clear." She had let her go without her. "Level 4, clear." She had let her best friend go to another galaxy without her. Even when she begged that day in her office. Samantha Carter never begged. "Level 5, clear." Colonel O'Neill busted into her self-recrimination. "20 minutes of oxygen before we all start getting loopy folks." "To late," she murmured to herself.
It was on level six that Teal'c sped his search at some points skipping entire rooms much to Janet's objection. He ignored her protests for nearly half the deck, until he came to a stop in front of another closed door. With a hand he gestured her quiet and held completely still, almost like he was listening. He strode down two more doors before hitting the release latch to what should have been a full-fledged infirmary. In reality a hollow husk of a room that smelled sour with fluids and decay, with small noises permeating the stale air.
Janet's flashlight fell upon Sam first. She sat back to the wall, arms wrapped around drawn up knees, head buried in them. The red-head reached for her radio only to be stopped by Teal'c. At her questioning look he merely moved towards the cowering woman, stopping before he physically touched her. "SamanthaCarter, JanetFraiser and I are here." He paused giving her time to possibly register his statement. She gave no indication of hearing him and continued muttering to herself. That was the strange noise filling the room, which she hadn't been able to identify. The blonde's lips moved but she couldn't make out much of what she was saying.
Without any other recourse, Janet jumped into doctor mode and began looking her over, she spoke to comfort herself more than to inform Teal'c. "Dehydrated and malnourished for sure. A few cuts and bruises, but no apparent trauma." "It is not her body I worry for Dr. Frasier." She sighed and scrubbed her face, he was right. The movement had dislodged her flashlight and she followed its beam to take a second to collect herself, only to find another horror. A bloated decomposing body lay only a couple feet from her. "Technical Sergeant Brent Ellison," Teal'c quietly intoned. Quickly, she diverted her gaze to the other side of the room to collect herself. Level 6, found. She wasn't alone, the body of good man kept her company.
After a few minutes more trying to rouse Colonel Carter from her stupor, Teal'c eventually called it in over the radio and they were transported to the Daedalus's infirmary. Janet found herself besides Dr. Keller helpless unable to even look at Sam's medical file.
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Three weeks later and Janet still found herself beside Sam's bedside helpless. For most of three weeks on the Daedalus and a few days back on Earth Janet had kept to Sam's side and seen no change. Teal'c was there every hour she wasn't. The Colonel stopped by for a couple hours every day. Daniel came to see Sam and try to convince her to take a break. All of these people caring for Samantha Carter and no one could break through the catatonia. Jennifer Keller, mentioned that Sam had fallen into this state once after a 'traumatic experience', but she said that this was much worse. They had been forced to put Sam on feeding tubes just to keep her alive; it's like her mind ceased inhabiting her body.
With a sigh Janet heaved herself from the uncomfortable waiting chair and made her way to the mess for another cup of bad coffee and tasteless, nameless food. It was on her way back that she caught snippets of conversation between Sam's doctor and General Landry, she nonchalantly leaned outside the door:
"It's not just mental, General. Normally, you see these filiments?…normally, these connect here, here and here."
"But they don't."
"No, it looks like the replicator's managed to cut most of them, breaking the connection between them."
"But not all of them?"
"No, breaking all of them without the proper preparation would kill the host. But this much separation would essentially cut ties between them, block all communication. We need the Tok'Ra."
"Won't it heal?"
"Possibly, I don't know. That's why we need an expert. I have discussed the relationship and biology of the Tok'Ra at length with Col Carter, and from what I understand this kind of damage usually results in the host committing suicide."
"What?"
"Their minds have become so interdependent to be separated causes significant depression and feelings of isolation that typically culminate in suicide."
Some shuffling and Janet could hear no more of their conversation. She was not going to let Sam commit suicide, that was not an option. She slowly shuffled back to Sam's room, thinking. Isolation, that was what Doctor Keller said; people with this injury felt isolated. Taking a furtive glance around, Janet slipped into the hospital twin bed and held Sam as she had held her so many nights ago; she fell asleep forehead to back with the distraught blonde.
Jennifer came bustling in the next morning to find Janet still holding Sam in bed. "I know, this is breaking a number of protocols…" "No, it's good. Sam's vitals have improved since last night. I can't empirically say it was you, but contact is probably helping her. Sam needs your support through this. We are bringing in some external support, they should be here later today." She left them in peace. Janet gently fluffed her fingers through Sam's hair, "you need a shower."
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Sam POV
The room is still bright, still burns her damaged eyes. Just a nice way to pass the time in dark corners and back rooms. You think I could actually love you? If only that sun would have blinded me, that I wouldn't have to see that look of pity in Janet's eyes.
Her nose filled with the light scent of Janet, of her skin warm in sleep. She could feel that warmth wrapped around her, fighting back the cold. It was all a lie, her mind playing tricks on her. Janet loved Daniel!
Please, Sam you're nothing more than a distraction, a way to pass the time. Even at the worst of her Naquadah poisoning she had never wanted to vomit so much as those words made her.
You aren't even human Sam. Daniel is right, she hasn't been alone for a long time. And now she is. All alone. Alone and worthless.
You were willing to kill us all, even Cass. Maybe Cassandra would be better off without her. It hadn't always been easy a child in a lesbian household; the kids weren't always nice. A nice heterosexual family, Cass would have a chance at a more normal life.
You will always be a fake. Lantash, amazingly good at reading people as much as he hated to do it. He could always see through her. No, not through her, through Jolinar, through Rasha. She had never been in an intimate relationship with them. She had snubbed them; she had destroyed Jolinar's 120 plus year marriage.
She almost swore she could hear Martouf's voice. She could almost feel his large hand cradling her smaller one. A buzz of pain flooded the base of her spine.
You're such a disappointment Sammy. No, dad! Please, don't. I tried so hard to be everything you wanted me to be. I did good. Look where I have been; maybe it wasn't your plan but please be proud of me.
A soft pressure to her forehead and a balding man before her. Was that a tear on her skin? Warmth wraps around her and a deep voice tries to filter through. The pain spreads to the base of her brain.
They all deserve to be shot. I love her. I will never apologize for that.
You were never my mother. I never tried to replace her; I just wanted you to be happy. I wanted to love and care for you. You'll be better off with Janet and Daniel.
A smaller body of warmth pressed to her front. "You are very brave."
You who returned me to slavery to the Goa'uld. I'm sorry Teal'c! I couldn't stand if you left me. Some days you are all that holds me together. Please, don't go! I'm sorry…
The pain consumes my entire nervous system.
You think you are worthy of me? No.
…
Yes you are Samantha. I am here my love. I am not going anywhere. That machine has played us both, but we will not let her win. We will survive, together. I have so missed the sound of your ever running mind my Samantha.
S: Jol?
J: Always.
S: They hate me. I am nothing but a cancer on them.
J: No love, no. Look around you…
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Glassy blue eyes finally focused on the grown woman pressed to her chest, the stoic face of Teal'c guarding the door, the pleasant thrum of symbiotes nearby, the hand of her father on her head and finally concerned brown eyes and fingers gently pressed against her wrist. "Janet…"