*I own nothing but the storyline I created*
Damn it! My head is spinning right now, my mind racing, trying to understand why the woman of my dreams wouldn't want to marry me and have a family with me. Have I fucked up that much?Have I screwed my chances to be her husband already? What the hell is going on...
"Gideon, please. Say something. I know this wasn't the response you wanted but I want to be honest with you. Always"
"Why?" It's all I can murmur. I can't even look at her. I'm too confused. And frankly, I'm hurt. A lot.
"Gideon, I love you. I never loved anyone like I love you and I never will. I need you to know and believe that. But marriage is just not something I envisioned my life to have. I just don't think I'm the marrying kind"
"What the hell is that suppose to mean? What does it mean for us?" Now I'm starting to get pissed. Not how I wanted to be feeling right now, that's for sure!
"Why are you mad? I'm not saying I don't want to be with you. Marrying doesn't change one's feelings Gideon! It's just a piece of paper nothing more!" Now she's mad. Great, this is going to turn into a fight!
"You know what? Maybe we should just drop it. You're still fragile and you need to rest and be calm. There's no point in discussing something that's just going to upset you" I manage to say, trying as fuck to calm myself down.
"Screw that! I want to talk about this! You're clearly pissed so let's hash this out right now Gideon. Avoiding stuff doesn't make it go away, it only makes things worse" Ok, she has a point. But I don't think I can talk about this. Not rationally at least.
"Ok. Be honest with me then. Marriage isn't your thing or am I not the husband you imagined for yourself?"
"What? Is that why you're pissed? Gideon come on! You are amazing and I love you! I just don't want to get married. I never imagined getting married. That's all. It has nothing to do with you"
"If you love me you should want to spend the rest of your life with me. Or are we just temporary?"
"Ok, now you're acting ricidulous. Marriage doesn't stand for eternity. Hell, my mother is living proof of that. I love you, marrying you wouldn't change that in any way"
"Then marry me. If it doesn't change what you feel for me it shouldn't matter if we do it."
"Are you asking me to marry you?" She was wide eyed, scared. Great...
"I'm not asking Eva. I want you. You want me. I love you. You love me. Therefore, we get married. It's the logical thing to do." Seems pretty logical to me...
"So now, marrying is a logical move? Isn't that romantic! Look, this isn't something you get to decide on your own and spring it on me like it's a freaking contract Gideon. Marriage is a huge commitment made between two consenting adults. And I don't want it. Doesn't mean I'm not committed to you. I clearly am and I don't want to be with anyone other that you. I don't need you to be my husband. I just need you to love me and share your life with me. Nothing more" Damn, she an be so agravating! Stubborn woman!
"Eva, you're not making sense. I'm not trying to piss you off, but I'm pretty sure your aversion to marriage has some deeper meaning. I just want to understand. Please, cut the crap and just tell me the truth" Now I'm pissed! Ah hell!
"I'm telling the truth! I always do! You're the one that keeps secrets and avoids talking about things when they get to rough or too dark! So maybe you should work on yourself before assuming I'm the one that's messed up!"
"Hold on a minute Eva! If I kept things from you was because I wanted to protect you! I have been nothing but honest with you and I have tried really hard to change for you. I love you and I want you to be as happy as you can be. But I will not bend to your will just because you want to know everything. I have issues, my past isn't pretty and you know that. It will take me a little bit of time to be able to speak openly about all of it. You promised to be patient and to wait for me to open up. So don't you dare throwing that into my face. I will not accept that Eva!"
"How would you feel if I kept things from you? How would you feel if I lied to your face and then asked you for time to come clean about them?"
"Stop it Eva! I'm warning you! You're going too far" I'm burning now. She's being too bitchy for my taste! I'm barely keeping it together"
"No! I'm tired of letting it go because you say so! You're not my fucking boss Gideon! You don't own me! I have a mind of my own! If you don't want to hear the truth, stop pushing and just shut up about it." She's pissed. She turns away from me and I can feel her sobbing silently. Ah hell, this is not what I wanted! It hurts me to see her in pain. And because of me!
"I'm sorry. Please Eva, look at me. I'm sorry Angel. Don't cry" I whisper to her, careful not to scare her again. My temper always getting the best of me!
"Just stop Gideon. I'm tired and I'm having a headache. I'm just going to sleep for while" She mumbles, still turned away from me and widening the gap between us. Fuck this! I'm not losing her because of a stupid fight!
"Angel please stop. I nearly lost you before, I will not stand here and watch you turn away from me because of a stupid argument. I love you. And you love me. That's it. Everything else can wait. Please Eva" I whisper to her hair, careful not to touch her wounds.
"I'm just tired. I need to sleep. I love you too Gideon" She murmurs, still turned away from me. I can't see it but I know she's still crying. It burns my heart to know I caused this. I have to fix it before she falls asleep. So I round the bed and face her.
I was right. There are fresh tears running down her cheeks and her eyes are red. My first impulse is to lick the tears away, but I chose to just wipe them off with my fingers. She avoids my gaze and shoves my hands away. Taking a deep breath, I fight the urge to force her to face me.
Instead I hold her head in place, gently, and kiss her forehead. I need her to know that I love her, even when she makes me mad as fuck. She exhales softly and finally looks up to meet my gaze. She blinks her eyes a couple of times, those beautiful eyes shining at me.
My lips are on hers before I can help it. She fights a little at first but subdues completely to my love after a few seconds. She tastes so good I have to fight hard to keep this gentle and romantic.
It's truly amazing that we can piss each other beyond reason, but we always pull through. I guess if we put our love first and our prides second, love wins. Or so I hope.
"Now you can sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. Sweet dreams Angel" I whisper into her lips, never leaving her eyes. She looks calmer and slowly starts to close her eyes. After a few minutes, she's gone and I'm left with my own thoughts. And what dark thoughts they are...
"Now that she's sleeping we can talk." Fuck, I was so involved in my head I didn't notice we weren't alone anymore!