Ch. 16- So Now What
Author's Note: I know nothing about vehicle maintenance or building a car. So if I get some wrong, just let me know.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I still don't own Glee. : (
Thomas- Thursday Night, September 17, 2009
When Blaine said his dad wanted me to come over, I was hesitant, but I didn't want to be rude. Blaine had said that his dad was not very accepting of him being gay, but he was trying to come to terms with it. The last thing I wanted to do was snub him. I was hesitant of how accepting he would be, but honestly, I wanted to see Blaine. We needed to talk. I had so much I needed to say to Blaine.
Mr. Anderson had the hood popped, and he was showing us basic parts so we knew what he was talking about. He actually printed some colored diagrams and some pages from a repair guide to show us some parts that were concealed by other parts. It wasn't really like I was retaining any of it. Maybe I just needed to pay attention. But I couldn't. My mind was not on the car. It was on the car owner's son.
And I could tell I was not the only one that was guilty of having a wondering mind. Blaine looked as lost as I was, but I think he appreciate the effort his father was putting in to spend time with him. Even though he convinced there are other motives involved. After awhile, I think we were paying more attention to each other than we were Mr. Anderson. His beautiful honey eyes kept glancing at me, his cheeks turning red when I caught him doing it.
As we were leaning over the car, or hands and fingers brushed on more than one occasion. The third time his hand brushed mine, his hand closed around mine. And I didn't move it. We stood there with our hands connected, and I intertwined my fingers with his. He turned his head, and his gaze caught mine.
"So boys, that's the carburetor. Thomas, do you remember where the transmission is?
I quickly jerked my hand away from Blaine as I heard my name called. I could feel my cheeks burn from embarrassment. Did he see us? I knew Mr. Anderson wasn't comfortable with the idea of me dating his son. There was a chance he never would be, but the fact I was over here via his invitation meant he was trying, and I wanted to respect that. Their relationship was fragile, but they both wanted that to change. And I didn't want to destroy that.
"Um, it's the big part right there, right."
"Yeah, Mr. Anderson smiled. It's that big part right there. So you don't really like cars either, do you Thomas?
"Uh, not really. I mean, I like to drive mine, but I can't tell you anything about it other than what kind of gas it takes or how many miles per gallon it gets."
"Well, I didn't either, so I guess we all have to learn together. You are welcome to come over Saturday. Blaine and I are actually going to start taking this baby apart. We can all learn the basics together.
"Mr. Anderson, I'd prefer not to destroy your car."
"Blaine," dad said smiling, "your friend has no faith in my mechanical abilities."
"Nor, do I dad, but I don't have faith in mine either. You may have to just keep this as memorabilia and buy me a new car." I giggled at that. Blaine smiled at his father, and his dad laughed in response.
"Now son, the deal is that I don't turn over my car unless this one runs." He chuckled. "So, boys, should we go over the diagram again?"
Blaine rolled his eyes and smirked at me. There was a twinkle in his eyes, and his face light up with that playful smile. I think we were both relieved when Mrs. Anderson told us to come set the table.
"Blaine, go set the table. Thomas, Could I talk to you for a minute?"
"OK, dad," Blaine said and walked to the door, leaving it slightly ajar. If I knew Blaine, he was probably listening behind the door.
"Thomas, thanks for coming over today. I know this isn't really your thing. I just wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. I was just worried about Blaine. But from what I can see, I didn't really have a reason to be. You seem to be a good friend. I'm glad that he knows you.
"I'm glad he's my friend too."
"I worry about him a lot. He's dealt with quite a bit lately. And I just don't want to see him hurt."
"Me neither, Mr. Anderson. Thanks again for inviting me. Your son is my best friend."
"Well, he's going to start looking for you. Why don't you go help him set the table?"
I walked to the door. "Thanks for inviting me, Mr. Anderson. It really means a lot to me."
Nick Anderson –Thursday
I had to admit that I could understand why Blaine and Thomas were friends. Neither of them had any real interest in working on the car, but they both listened and tried to do their best work. I thought Thomas felt out of place, but he was committed to trying to help Blaine.
I wondered what he must have thought about me. I knew I didn't make a great impression the other night. And I was ashamed about that. But I hoped that he knew I would try to be more accepting. I wasn't sure if he was comfortable around me or not. But there was one thing I was sure of. He had feelings for Blaine.
He seemed like a good kid. But I just didn't know if I agreed with Dr. Blevins on this. I didn't want to push Blaine away, but I didn't want to be overly encouraging of a possible romance so quickly. Even if he was a good kid, I just wasn't comfortable with all of this. I loved Blaine, but I wasn't ready to let go of the idea that this was just a phase. I wanted to be accepting, but this really did go against everything I was taught. I loved my son, but this was such a challenge for me.
But what scared me the most was knowing that there were so many people here in Westerville that were like-minded with me. And some that were worse. Blaine was my own son, and I was having trouble accepting the idea of a possible relationship between those two boys. Would those people torment and ridicule them. Would they bully them? Were they strong enough to handle it? They were both tiny. My worst fear was getting a phone call in the middle of the night saying that someone had acted on their hatred. And I just never wanted that nightmare to come true.
I thought of Michael. He was the boy that we had had at our house countless times. And he seemed like a good kid. That is until all of this happened. And he turned on Blaine with such hatred. I know that he had a lot to do with the aftermath of it all. And I wanted to sympathize because I don't know how I would have responded to advances from another guy when I was his age. I knew it must have made him uncomfortable. But, he crossed the line. Blaine said he had apologized, but he also said that he feared that Michael hated him. And that hatred was what scared me.
I washed my hands, and I headed into the dining room for dinner. Blaine knew how I felt about all of it. I was honest in the psychologist's office. But I didn't know if he would heed my warning or not. Pam was right. Our son was stubborn. And I was afraid that he was falling for Thomas.
Blaine- Thursday
Dinner was nice. Mom kept conversation going. Dad was participating in the conversation, and Thomas answered any questions politely. But he didn't really feel comfortable. I could tell. I couldn't really hear what they had said in the garage.
I participated in the conversation, which was mostly small talk, and my parents asking Thomas basic get-to-know you questions. However, I ate quickly. Thomas and I really needed to talk, and we couldn't say what we needed to at the dinner table. And I wanted to tell him while I still had the courage. I knew what was in my heart, and I needed to say it, the sooner the better. And mom was right, I needed to be honest.
"Mom, Dad. May I be excused?" I asked calmly, but my voice was a little shaky.
"Yes, but it's your night to load the dish washer and wash the cookware," mom said.
"I'll help you, Blaine. I'm finished. Thank you for the lovely meal, Mrs. Anderson. It was delicious. I really appreciate you for having me over tonight." said Thomas. He followed closely behind me as I walked into the kitchen.
"Your mom is a good cook," Thomas said sweetly.
"She's got a few specialty dishes that are awesome, and I have to admit that her grilled shrimp with rice and steamed vegetables are delectable." I replied.
I loaded the dishes as he rinsed them off. Conversation stopped between us. I could tell that he really wasn't comfortable talking here.
"So they post the official cast and crew list tomorrow, right?" he asked.
"Yeah, but I'm not really that nervous about it. I'm more concerned that my first glee club meeting was today , and I had to miss it. I don't think that looked very good, but mom wanted us to meet with Mr. Blevins today."
"I'm sorry you had to miss it. I knew you were looking forward to it."
"I stopped by Mrs. Davis' office, and I let her know that I wouldn't be there. I was hoping that I could make it back to school in time to maybe catch part of it, but it was 4:30 by the time our session was over. She told me to try to make it tomorrow. I hope that dad wasn't right about the overextension thing."
"Blaine, you will make it all work out. I know you will make it all work." His smile was so sweet and reassuring. I blushed. I kept my head down so he didn't see it. I worked a little faster. But then the salad bowl in my hand slipped out of my hand and onto the ground.
"Oh, I've got it," said Thomas, as we both bent down. We both reached for the glass, and our hands touched. Our eyes met and Thomas clasped my hand.
"Blaine, we do really need to talk," he said with desperation in his voice.
"I know. Let me start the dish washer, and we can go to the tree house." Blaine started the dishwasher and stepped out of the room to notify his mom that he was done with the dishes.
"Hey, you ready? Blaine asked.
"Y-yeah," Thomas stammered. He followed me up to the tree house.
"So, I, I, uh, um. You go first, Blaine."
"Uh ok, first, I wanted to apologize for…"
Blaine, please don't apologize for that, unless you just regret it or something."
"No, no, I don't regret it Thomas. I just don't really understand what happened, is all. I was really upset, and you were just so sweet with what you said. It's just that wasn't my intention."
"So, you didn't mean to kiss me."
"No, I didn't Thomas. I didn't ask you to come over so I could make a move on you romantically."
"Ok, that's what I figured. So basically, it was a comfort kiss. It didn't really mean anything, then?" Thomas lowered his eyes, and a small frown swept over his face.
I really didn't want to hurt him. Thomas was my best friend. But I didn't have all of my feelings sorted out yet, but by the look on his face just then, I wondered if he did want something deeper than a friendship.
"Maybe the first one kiss was a comfort thing, Thomas. And I shouldn't have. I overstepped the bounds of our friendship. But Thomas, I have to be honest. But I want you to be honest too. Were you just trying to comfort me as well?"
"Look, Blaine. You've become my best friend, and I, I!" Tears welled up in his eyes. "I can't lose you. I know we haven't been friends long, but you just mean so much to me. I have never had a connection with anyone one the way I do with you. In just a short week, you've broken down all the walls I've spent years putting up. And I don't want to lose that."
"But you don't have romantic feelings for me, do you Thomas? I mean, you told me that I wasn't your type. It's ok."
"Blaine, you said the first kiss was a comfort kiss, but the second, and the third? What were they? Thomas asked, still with tears in his eyes.
"Thomas, you didn't answer my question."
"And B, you didn't answer mine."
"Thomas, I have feelings for you, I blurted out.
"Blaine, I do for you too! I care about you a lot, but…"
"T, I care about you a lot but, I think we"
"Should just stay friends," Thomas finished. "Is that how you feel?"
"I nodded, but Thomas, please look at me. I really mean this. It ISN"T you. You are amazing! This is about me. Well, It's about me and a promise I made to my dad.
"Your dad, Blaine?"
"Yeah, he really is trying, and he asked me to give him time to come to terms with all of this. I told him that I have feelings for you. And honestly, T, I do. I like you. But I promised my dad that I wouldn't have a boyfriend yet. He's honestly trying, and I want us so much to have a good relationship. And he told me that he is so scared that we will become targets at school if we dated. And honestly, I've thought about that too. And I couldn't deal with it if something happened to you because I wanted a boyfriend. But Thomas, please say something."
"So you would want to be my boyfriend?"
"Thomas, I think you are amazing, too. And I'm not saying that to comfort you. I admire you, and I respect you so much. I reached out to that day because I wanted to learn to be more like you, and I wanted to get to know you. And you are even more amazing than I ever could have known then.
"Blaine, I like you too, and I doubt that will change anytime soon. And I understand. I'm actually jealous that your dad is concerned about you. I don't have that. His head dropped. And I wouldn't want anything to ever happen to you either. But, I don't want those stupid homophobic jerks to dictate our relationship, friendship or anything it turns into," Thomas responded.
"Nor do I. But you also said we have only known each other for a short time. I don't want to rush into anything and end up losing you as a friend."
"Blaine, you wouldn't lose me as a friend, ever. I can't imagine my life without you now. You burst into my life like a ray of sunshine, and I don't ever want to go back into the dark again. But, I can respect the promise you made to your dad. And I also agree that we haven't known each other long. But at the same time, I think you know me better than anyone else right now."
"You too Thomas. You understand me in ways that I even don't. And I never thought I'd ever let anyone in like that, especially so soon after everything that happened with Michael. And I am still coming to terms with myself. I'm learning to actually be myself. I'm finally comfortable with being the "Real" Blaine. But I still don't know completely who I am. But I hope that when I do, that you are still right beside me. I just need some time."
"Blaine, I respect that you told me the truth. And I will always be here when you need me.
"I'll always be there for you too, T! But I think we need to set some boundaries. We blurred some lines last night."
I agree. I think that anything that would be considered PDA at school is off the table. No holding hands."
"And no more kissing," I giggled, "even that is the hottest thing I've ever experienced in my life."
"It was for me too, Blaine," he said sincerely.
"So no cuddling either?" I pouted and gave my best puppy dog face.
"Um, do you really think that's a friend thing?"
"Ok, I see your point, I pouted again. But hugs are ok. Friends hug."
"Totally. I think that's fine," said Thomas.
"So, we're friends." I stated.
"Best friends. And I think we should seal it with a hug."
I wrapped my arms around him, and we embraced for a few seconds. I stepped back, and I looked at him in those sparkling blue eyes. "But, I really don't want to stay just friends forever. Please wait for me. I promise that I just need some time."
"I'd wait for you, forever, but please don't make me. I don't want to be 60 before I get to experience a kiss from you again."
I giggled. I promise it won't be that long. Can you come over Saturday to help with the car again?"
"I'll be here. Just tell me what time. And I'll see you at lunch tomorrow, right. Same time, same place."
"Count on it! I Said. Now let's go watch a movie. "Mulan?"
"How could I turn that down? Tomas said with a huge grin."
Author's Note: I went back and forth on this chapter. But, staying true to canon, Blaine said he had never been anyone's boyfriend. He never said that he hadn't ever kissed anyone or experienced a kiss. Actually, he seemed so sympathetic when Kurt looked crushed about the forced kiss from Dave, like he understood the importance of a first kiss. And yes, he was nervous when he kissed Kurt, but he didn't seem completely inexperienced, especially when he kissed Rachel. Yes it was sloppy, but he didn't seem clueless.
And I like that Blaine is so oblivious. I wanted to stay true to that. He knows Thomas likes him, but he has no clue that Thomas is in love with him. He just accepts when Thomas says he wants to just be friends. But at the same time, he's honest. I was like this in high school. Kinda clueless about the boys that like me, and I ended up hurting a few guys on accident because I really just didn't get it, until my heart got broken.
I hope you guys still enjoy the story. I'm a little hesitant about it, but at the same time, I am satisfied with how it's playing out. I truly love reviews. I feel much more confident about this story after receiving feedback. And it also motivates me to write more, which in turn makes me update faster. And if you don't like what you read, it's ok. Constructive criticism is only going to make me a better writer. Thanks again.