Authors Note: Thanks for your reviews.
Chapter 14 –Unwell
'I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, but stick around and maybe you'll see a different side of me' – Matchbox Twenty
Kate's phone buzzed as she walked into the kitchen Sunday afternoon and she pulled the device from her pocket and smiled as she saw Castle's name attached to a new text message.
"She's driving me crazy," he had written.
"Who?" Kate typed back.
"My mother," he answered.
"Welcome to my world," she replied as she cast a glance at the kitchen table where Johanna was sitting with her laptop. She didn't know what her mother was doing and she didn't really care, she just wished that she'd stop tapping her foot while she did it.
"You wouldn't want to take mine off my hands would you?" he asked.
"Are you insane? I have my own 'mother' issues, why would I want to take on another one?"
"You should know by now that the state of my sanity is definitely questionable."
She bit back a laugh as she reached for one of the cookies Johanna had baked that morning. It seemed as though her mother was going to fall back on the old habit of baking to relieve her stress. She had never understood what it was her mother gained from the action; her father always said that he thought it was the violent nature of cooking or baking that appealed to her. All of that mixing, stirring, beating, chopping, and breaking were outlets of her aggression, he had claimed.
"You want me to see about having you committed?" Kate typed back to Castle.
"Only if you're coming with me."
"I have a feeling it may come to that," she replied as she shot another glance at her mother.
"Do you think they'll let us share a room?"
"Maybe if you make a sizable donation to the institution," Kate told him.
"I could do that," he responded. "How much do you think it would cost me to share a room with you at the asylum?"
"I don't know, how much do you think I'm worth?"
"Your worth can not be measure in mere dollars," Castle replied.
She smiled. "Good answer; that was sweet."
"I didn't want to name a price that was too low and have you shoot me for it."
"And then you ruin it."
"The real question is what do we list as the nature of our insanity?" he asked.
Kate thought for a moment and then typed, "Mama drama?"
She ate another cookie as she waited for his reply, which was taking a little longer to come in, but when it did she laughed out loud.
"Thanks, Kate; now I'm laughing like a lunatic at what seems to be nothing; which has attracted her attention back to me and she's looking at me as if I just slipped off the edge of reason."
"Well we were discussing insanity; it's only natural for you to exhibit the symptoms."
"But I don't want to be committed before I have to," he responded. "I want to wait so we can go together."
Kate laughed again and she saw Johanna glancing at her oddly and she forced herself to swallow her laughter. "Don't worry, my mother is now looking at me as if I'm unstable; chances are good that we can carpool to the asylum."
"Good, I don't want to go alone…there's crazy people there you know."
She burst into laughter again, drawing Johanna's attention once more.
"You okay," her mother asked.
Kate nodded; a smile still on her lips. "I'm fine."
"So you really just want me along to protect you, right?" she typed back to Castle.
"That, and a writer shouldn't be without his muse."
"What are you saying, you'd commit Nikki and Rook too?"
"Of course."
"I don't think that one would make the New York Times Bestseller List, Castle."
"Go wash your mouth out with soap for saying dirty words like that!" he teased.
Kate giggled again and Johanna looked up from her screen.
"You're not having some kind of breakdown are you?" Johanna asked.
"No," she answered. "Why would you think that?"
"In the time I've been here I haven't heard you laugh like that, or that much."
"I'm still sane for the moment," she told her mother as she turned her attention back to the phone.
"Technically I didn't say it, I typed it," she responded. "So I won't be washing my mouth out with soap, but since I don't want you to be disappointed, you can try to convince me that having Nikki and Rook institutionalized would be a good plot line."
"Could be an undercover mission," he answered.
"Intriguing," she admitted.
"Then there is the possibility for kinkiness ;)".
She tried not to laugh out loud but failed, and the thought of leaving the room didn't cross her mind as she responded to the message.
"With what? Straight jackets?"
"I think I could sell the idea," he told her. "But I might have to research it first. You want to help me with that?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Bubble popper."
"You bring it upon yourself," she typed with a laugh.
His reply was once again slow in coming and she assumed that Martha was most likely after him again, so she leaned against the counter and waited for his next message as her mother's nervous habit grated on her nerves.
"If you don't stop tapping your foot; I'm going to come over there and step on it," Kate told her.
Johanna glanced up from her computer screen. "Fine, and the next time I catch you tapping your fingers I'm going to smack them."
"I'm not trying to be mean," Kate replied; "But you're driving me crazy!"
"Don't feel bad," Johanna told her,. "I'm going crazy too."
"What's your problem?"
"Nothing."
"Just spit it out so we can deal with it," Kate demanded.
"I'm going stir crazy, Katie," Johanna stated, and then seeing her daughter make a face at the name she had used, she forced herself to resist the urge to roll her eyes and said, "I'm sorry Kate, I've been calling you 'Katie' all of your life and it's hard for me to remember not to sometimes."
She smirked. "That's alright, Meg," she said as her phone buzzed with the new message.
"Don't start that again!" Johanna exclaimed.
"It's never good when Martha Rodgers is bored," read Castle's new message.
She was forming a reply in her mind when Johanna's voice broke her concentration.
"I haven't been out of this apartment since we went to the market, Kate. I can't stand it. I feel like I'm losing my mind."
Kate looked at her. "Some would make the argument that you've already lost it."
Johanna narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "I take it that you would be the one making that argument."
She shrugged. "I'd say no but then you'd know I was lying; and I know how you feel about people other than yourself when it comes to lying."
Johanna dropped her gaze back to the computer screen and mumbled something under her breath that Kate couldn't quite decipher. She turned her attention back to her phone and Castle's comment about Martha, and then she was struck by an idea.
"What if she had someone to play with?" she wrote as Johanna's foot tapped against the floor twice before she caught herself and stopped.
"What do you have in mind?"
"A solution to both of our problems."
"Do tell," he replied.
"I've just been informed that Meg is bored and losing her mind from being locked in my apartment, so if you don't mind company, I'll bring her over and she and Martha can entertain each other while we hide in a different room. What do you think?"
His response came within seconds. "Hurry."
She laughed. "We'll be there soon."
Kate slid the phone in her pocket and looked to her mother. "Go get ready," she told her.
"Ready for what?"
"To go out, I've found somewhere for us to go, and once we get there we don't have to be in the same room with each other."
Johanna smiled. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later they were in the car and on their way to Castle's loft. He swung the door open dramatically and smiled widely.
"Thank God you're here," he said as he pulled Kate inside the door and motioned for Johanna to follow.
Martha appeared and tugged her away from Castle long enough to hug her and Kate noticed that Johanna looked away while she was being embraced by the other woman, but she turned her gaze back towards them and smiled when Martha approached her.
"Well, Johanna; it appears as though our children are trying to get us out of their hair and pawning us off on each other as if we'll take it as some kind of punishment for bothering them," Martha stated with a smile.
"My mother always said that when you got to be a certain age you're kids wouldn't want to be bothered with you anymore," Johanna replied.
"Apparently she was right," Martha said as she looked at Castle.
"When have I ever said that you were unwanted, Mother?" he asked.
"Plenty of times," she remarked.
"Name one."
"Oh, Richard; I don't have time to go into all of that. I have a guest to entertain."
Castle looked at Johanna. "She says that because she can't think of anything."
"Oh I'm sure she could think of something," Johanna teased.
"Falsehoods and fabrications," he replied.
"Don't listen to him," Martha said. "He just wants to show off for Kate."
Kate laughed and then she saw the look on Castle's face and laughed harder.
"Why don't you two go play," Castle told them. "We'll go in the office and the two of you can have the run of the rest of the place."
"Isn't he generous?" Martha quipped.
"Very," Johanna stated; "And don't you just love the role reversal going on here, where they're the parents and we're the children?"
"It's terrible, isn't it?" she asked.
Castle turned to Kate. "I think they'll get along just fine, they have us to complain about and that should fill a couple of hours for them."
She nodded and then looked at Martha. "When you two get tired of complaining about your kids, Martha; she loves the theater so I'm sure she'd enjoy hearing some of your stories."
"Wonderful," Martha stated before turning back to Johanna. "Would you like a cup of tea while we get acquainted, Johanna?"
"That would nice," she replied and she allowed Martha to lead her to the kitchen, while Castle and Kate watched them go.
"Do you think that's true, about kids not wanting to be bothered with their parents after a certain age?" he asked.
"No, not really," she answered. "That's just their way of using guilt when they get to be a certain age."
"So you don't think that one day Alexis won't want to be bothered with me?"
She smiled and took his arm as they moved towards the office. "I think hell would probably have to freeze over first, Castle."
"But what if it does happen?"
"Don't worry," she told him. "You'll still have me to annoy."
"Promise?"
"Always."
Martha and Johanna had overheard the conversation and they shared a look.
"They're quite a pair, aren't they?" Martha said quietly as they moved out of view.
Johanna nodded. "They seem to be; but I've been informed by Katie that that topic is off limits."
"That's probably because they spend a lot of time not talking about that topic with each other," Martha replied as she prepared the tea. "So we'll have to amuse ourselves with a different topic."
Johanna smiled and she had to admit that she was already feeling a little bit better by being here and she knew that Kate was most likely happy to be there as well.
Kate dropped into a chair in Castle's office and noticed that his laptop was on. "You should've told me you were trying to write. I wouldn't have came over and gave you more distraction."
He glanced at her. "You're my muse, you're supposed to distract and inspire. Today you're doing me an extra service by bringing your mother over for a play date with mine."
She grinned. "That's for my benefit too."
"We're all about benefiting ourselves," he stated with a mischievous smile.
"Go ahead and write," she told him. "I'm happy to just sit here and enjoy the peace."
He looked at his laptop and then back to her. "You don't mind if I finish this section I'm working on?"
"No, I don't mind; you don't mind if I stay in here though, do you?"
"Of course not," he told her as he poised his fingers to type.
She leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes and allowing the soft clicks of the keys lull her as she wondered what kind of adventure he was crafting for Nikki. She must've dozed off for a few minutes as she was startled awake by a peel of laughter coming from somewhere within the loft. She raised her head and looked towards the desk and found Castle still in his chair, his fingers still flying across the keys.
"Good news," he stated. "Laughter has been ringing out for the last twenty minutes. I think they've bonded."
"Great," she answered. "She needs a friend."
He nodded. "You want to hear even better news?"
"Sure."
"Apparently your presence in my office inspires me, I finished the section I was working on and went right into the next one."
"Glad I could be of service," Kate said as she stretched.
"Feel free to come by and nap anytime," he told her. "I might make my deadline and shock Gina into silence."
She laughed softly. "Sorry, Castle. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."
He looked up from the screen long enough to smile at her. "Don't worry about it. I didn't even notice it at first. I thought you were just being quiet, thinking that talking would disturb me and when I commented on it and you didn't answer I realized that you had fallen asleep and decided to let you be."
"Imagine that," she replied.
"I know, it's a testament to my self restraint," he stated with a grin as he continued to write.
"How long was I asleep?"
"About a half hour," Castle told her. "Did you not sleep well last night?"
Kate shook her head. "Not really."
"What was the problem?"
"Nothing, I just didn't sleep well. I haven't slept well since this all started," she told him; neglecting to mention that her sleep had been interrupted by the same nightmare that her father had woke her from when her mother had first moved in with her. "What's going on with Nikki today?" she asked; gesturing towards his computer.
"Are you asking me for spoilers?"
She nodded. "Seems that way."
"I can't give you spoilers!" he exclaimed.
"Why not?"
"Because you have to wait like everyone else," Castle told her with a grin.
"That's not fair."
"How is it not fair?"
"I'm the inspiration," Kate explained. "I think that makes me entitled to a few spoilers."
Castle shot her an amused glance and then made a show of shuffling through the items on his desk.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I was looking for my 'Muse Entitlement' handbook but I seemed to have misplaced it, which is a shame because now I can't look up your rights of entitlement in regards to spoilers."
Kate smirked. "Don't worry, I have it memorized. Section 3 on page 14 states that the muse is entitled to spoilers, not only because it's the nice thing to do, but also because it constitutes a means of compensation for the aggravation that the writer sometimes inflicts in regards to his 'research'."
He leaned back in his chair, tapping his chin with his index finger and making a face as if he were in deep thought. "I don't recall my handbook having that page," he stated.
Kate laughed. "Even if there was a handbook, you wouldn't read it. You know how you are; you'd rather make up the rules as you go along."
His eyes sparkled merrily. "Who needs rules?" It's way more fun to play without them."
"Until you get yourself in trouble," she quipped.
"When have I ever gotten myself in trouble?" he asked in mock indignation.
"Oh I don't know, how many times have I arrested you?"
"Only twice," he stated. "That's hardly a reason to brand me for life."
"How many times do I have to arrest you before it's enough for branding purposes?"
He thought for a moment. "At least five times; but I'd much rather you slap the cuffs on me in a more enjoyable manner."
Her lips were curved into a smile as she regarded him with a knowing look. "You want there to be a tiger involved again?"
He shook his head. "No, thanks. I've had my fill of wildlife."
"Will Nikki and Rook be finding themselves in a similar predicament?" she asked.
Castle grinned at her. "Fishing again, Detective?"
Kate laughed. "Come on, Castle; you can tell me. I won't tell."
"I don't know...I wouldn't want it said that I was playing favorites."
"No one will know," she told him. "It's not like I tweet or anything."
He was quiet for a moment and then a sly smile spread across his lips.
"Oh God," she said as she rolled her eyes. "This can't be good"
"There's a fee for spoilers," he stated mischievously.
Kate smiled. "I paid a fee the other day."
"Yes, but that was for your 'Castle session', this is totally different."
She regarded him with a look of amusement. "I bet you'd give Miss Cosmo spoilers, you'd probably let her read what you had written."
Castle laughed. "You are so adorable."
"I see you're not bothering to deny it," she stated; ignoring his statement completely.
"Now, Kate," he said; "You know that Miss Cosmo getting to read before you was a one time thing. It didn't mean anything to me, I swear."
She couldn't help but laugh as he sounded like a cheating husband. "You don't expect me to believe that, do you?" she asked as she played along.
"How can you doubt my loyalty to you?" he said dramatically. "Don't I bring you coffee? Don't I provide you with milkshakes and burgers at Remy's? Don't I let you play spin the bottle with me? Don't those things mean anything?"
Distant laughter from their mothers rang in the air mingling with her own giggles.
"You let me play spin the bottle with you?" she said amid her laughter. "I thought I was the one who allowed you to play with me."
"That's just what I let you think."
"Then why were you the one trying to cheat?" Kate asked.
"To throw you off," Castle replied.
"Liar."
He laughed. "I prefer the term 'playfully deceptive'."
"I'm sure you do," she replied.
"By the way, I forgot to ask, what did your parents say about you coming home an hour late the other night?" he asked.
"They didn't even realize I was late until I walked through the door and told them," she answered.
He laughed. "Really?"
She nodded. "I have a feeling I interrupted something."
"What makes you say that?"
"They looked guilty," Kate replied.
"Guilty?"
"Yeah, probably like we looked that night at the hospital when Dad was grilling me about why I didn't answer the phone."
He laughed harder. "You better start calling first."
"It's so not funny, Castle."
"Yes it is," he answered. "You almost caught them making out."
"Yeah, on my couch!" she exclaimed. "It's not funny, how would you like to have that problem with Martha."
He cringed. "I have had that problem."
"Was it funny?"
"No…it was so not funny."
She laughed lightly. "See, I told you it wasn't funny."
"It's funny when it happens to other people," he remarked.
"But only if those people aren't us, right?"
"Right, now if it happened to Ryan or Esposito, that would be hilarious."
She nodded. "Yeah that would be funny."
"Can you imagine if we caught Gates making out with someone?" Castle stated.
Kate cringed. "That's a terrifying thought, Castle. I'd almost rather catch my parents."
He made a face that matched hers in reference to the question he had posed. "You're right, it's terrifying. What kind of evilness in my brain even made me think of that?"
"I don't know," Kate replied; "But you better get rid of it whatever it is."
"Do you think I need an exorcist?"
She laughed. "Probably not but I'd pay to see it."
"What do you suggest to cleanse my mind?" he asked his eyes shining in amusement.
"Smack your head off the desk a few times and see if that works," she told him with a grin.
"You just want me to inflict bodily harm upon myself."
"It's only your head," she replied. "It isn't like anything important would be getting damaged."
He glared at her playfully. "No spoilers for you, Miss Beckett."
"Oh come on," she replied; a teasing smile on her lips. "You know you want to share with me."
"I'd like to share lots of things with you," he said suggestively.
She smiled. "Start with spoilers and work your way up."
"Tease."
"Is that the best you can come up with?" she asked.
"Minx," he stated; rising to the challenge.
"Oh so you do have another word in your vocabulary," Kate said with a laugh. "I'm impressed Mr. Bestselling Author."
"Don't make me come over there, Kathrine Beckett," he told her; his boyish grin slipping into place.
"And what do you think you're going to do to punish me?"
"Kiss you into submission," he answered.
"With both of our mothers right outside?" she questioned.
"Makes it more daring," he told her.
"Until they walk in on us, and then it's embarrassing."
He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "You had to go and ruin it, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I had to," she told him. "I have a reputation as a bubble popper to protect."
"I bet you're the number one bubble popper in the world," Castle said.
Kate smiled and fluttered her lashes at him, making him laugh. "Well I don't like to brag, but I am pretty damn good at it."
"At least you don't deny it."
"What would be the point," she replied. "You'd know the truth."
"I can read you like a book," he teased.
Kate laughed. "Castle, that was cheesy, even coming from you."
"But you liked it," he told her.
"That comes from spending four years with you; I think you may have corrupted me somewhat."
He laid a hand over his heart. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."
Kate was giggling again and so was he as she looked at him and said, "Maybe we do need committed."
Loud laughter from their mothers filled the air before he could respond.
"Maybe it's them that needs to be committed," he told her with a nod towards the door.
"Get me the papers and show me where to sign," she replied.
"What will we mark as the nature of their insanity?" Castle asked.
"We'll just write, too many to list, just pick one at random."
He laughed. "I like it."
"So are you going to tell me what Nikki is up to?" she asked when their laughter faded.
"No."
"No?"
"Nope."
"What do you have to hide?" she asked. "A new sex scene?"
He grinned. "No, but now that you've mentioned it I'll probably think of one to add in."
She rolled her eyes. "Great."
"Spectacular," he teased. "It'll be spectacular."
"It better not involve a straight jacket."
He chuckled. "I'm saving that one for the next book."
"I'm sure Gina will love that."
"I'm telling her that it was your idea."
"I'll shoot you."
"Okay so I won't tell whose idea it was."
"It was yours."
"But why should I take all the credit?" he asked.
"Because you're a glory hog," she remarked.
He picked up a pen and jotted down the line she had just said.
"What are you doing?"
"That's a great line; Nikki's going to say that."
"To Rook?"
He nodded. "Now the question is; does she say it before the sex scene or after?"
"Castle!"
"After it is," he said.
She couldn't help but laugh. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I almost can't wait to see how you spin that one."
"I'll make it perfect just for you," he told her.
"Well now that I've given you a line of dialogue, can I get a spoiler?"
"No, but I will thank you in the acknowledgments."
"You always thank me in the acknowledgements."
"I'll put a footnote on that page that says this line written by 'Kate Beckett'."
"Do I get a cut of the royalties?" she asked with a smile.
"You already get a cut of the royalties," he replied.
"I do not."
"Yes, you do. What do you think pays for your coffee?"
She laughed. "You know you write my coffee off on your taxes."
"Shhh," he said. "You never know if the IRS has your office bugged."
"I don't think the IRS does that. That would be the F.B.I. or the C.I.A."
"Can you really trust any organization that runs around calling itself by its initials?" he asked.
She thought about her experiences with the F.B.I. and the C.I.A, and then conceded. "Good point."
"Can you imagine me going around calling myself R.E.C.?"
Kate laughed. "Your initials spell rec."
He looked at her in puzzlement "What?"
"R.E.C. it spells rec, you know, like you're a wreck."
"See that's a good reason of why I can't be known by my initials," he stated as she continued to laugh.
"It's not that funny," he told her.
"I think it is," she replied.
"Let's see what your initials spell. K.H.B., sounds like a division of the KGB…and you can speak Russian…"
Kate smirked at him. "You're not going to suggest that I'm a spy, are you?"
"Of course not," he replied. "But are you?"
"Are you?"
"Not that I know of," he answered.
"Me neither, I'm the unfortunate victim of the people who named me."
"Which parent is responsible?" he asked.
"J.E.M.B.," she replied.
"I can't decipher that code," he replied; "Especially with both of your parents having a first name that starts with J."
"Johanna Elizabeth McKenzie Beckett," she told him. "She is the person responsible for the name I have."
"Shall we punish her?" he asked mischievously.
"I think she's probably being punished enough," Kate answered. "Now quit trying to change the subject and tell me what you've gotten Nikki into this time."
"I didn't think you were so very interested in Nikki," Castle remarked.
She looked at him in disbelief. "Why would you think that?"
"I just kind of always thought that you didn't care too much about her."
"How can you say that!" she exclaimed. "You know I love the books, do you think I'd go to those damn book release parties if I didn't like Nikki? Would I let you keep following me around if I didn't like the way you portrayed the character?"
He was slightly taken back by her reaction. "Well it seemed that way in the beginning."
"Yeah, at first I wasn't crazy about the idea. I didn't like the attention, and the teasing, but that all died down a long time ago. I wasn't crazy about the name because it does sound like a stripper but I've gotten used to it. I got used to you pulling my pigtails, Castle; and I got used to Nikki. I accept her and I enjoy her. I didn't always realize how special it was to be apart of what you do, but I do now and I have for awhile. Nikki's a part of me, Castle…you're a part of me."
His heart melted and it took him a moment to find his voice. "You're a part of me too, Kate."
"I know," she answered softly, because she did know, and not only because of the secret she had been keeping for over a year. She knew because he showed her everyday.
"I guess after a speech like that, the least I can do is tell you that Nikki is guarding a witness."
She looked at him for a moment. "You didn't make her mother come back from the dead, did you?"
His eyes widened. "No! That situation is off limits," he proclaimed.
"I appreciate that," Kate told him.
"I wouldn't put that out there for the world's enjoyment, Kate. I know how much this situation has hurt you. I know that you're struggling and I wouldn't use that in a book. Nikki's mother is dead, and she's going to remain that way."
"Thank you."
Castle nodded. "Nikki is guarding Rook."
She burst into laughter. "Are you serious or did you just make that up."
He grinned. "I'm very serious."
"Oh my god," she said. "I can't wait to see how that turns out."
"You'll love it," he told her. "Rook has his own ideas about how a witness should be protected."
"I'm sure he does, and I imagine that Nikki is going to have a hard time controlling him."
"You'll have to wait and see," he teased. "But what do you think of it?"
Kate grinned. "I think it's going to be a bestseller."
"Of course it is!" he exclaimed. "How could it not be, It's written by me and inspired by you, those two things alone are enough to make it number one."
"Pat yourself on the back, why don't you," she stated with a laugh.
"I'd rather you do it," he replied with a wicked smile.
She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't surprise me."
When the laughter from her last story had faded, Martha figured that Johanna had warmed up to her enough to allow for more serious topics.
"How are things between you and Kate?" she asked quietly; wanting to hear Johanna's perspective on the matter.
Johanna sighed and ran her finger across the rim of her mug before lifting her gaze to meet Martha's. "Honestly? I don't know."
Martha regarded her for a moment before speaking. "How can you not know?" she questioned gently.
She smiled sadly. "Because she doesn't give anything away, she rarely says what's on her mind and she never tells me what she feels. She wears a mask and it rarely slips enough to give me much of a view of the person beneath it, and I don't always know how to handle that. I'm not used to her not being open. We had a good relationship, and while I know that she didn't tell me everything, I still felt as though she told me enough and that I could read her well enough to pick up on certain things that she didn't feel able to bring up without a little prodding, but she's different now."
"She's grown up now," Martha replied; "And she's been through hell."
Johanna nodded. "I know, and nothing I can say or do will make that go away; but I'd at least like to be able to talk to her about it. I'd like to tell her that I'm sorry and that I've never stopped loving her or Jim; that a day never went by when I didn't think of them. I just want to explain to her why I did what I was told to do."
"Have you tried?"
"She doesn't want to hear it. Anytime I try to bring it up she shuts me down. Those topics are on the list of things we're not allowed to discuss."
"What are you allowed to discuss?" Martha asked.
"Trivial things, mostly," Johanna answered. "Books, television, movies. She allows questions about her job and once in awhile about her friends. I noticed a school picture she had sitting on the bookcase and I asked her about it last night and she did tell me that it was Alexis and she spoke of her without hesitation. She asked me to tell her about something Jim mentioned about our past…that conversation seemed to go pretty well, in fact that was probably the best conversation we've had."
"Well that's something, isn't it?"
She nodded. "Don't get me wrong, Martha, I know she's trying. I see the effort she's making at keeping control of her temper and she's not blatantly ignoring me anymore, but it's still…"
"Not in a good place," Martha finished for her.
"Yeah, it's like walking on egg shells, or through a mine field. You don't know where to step, and you don't know when the explosion will occur or if either one of you will come out of it unscathed."
"Do you think there will be an explosion?"
Johanna looked at her. "Eventually one of us is going to get tired of this and things are going to reach a boiling point and it's going to erupt and I know that it's probably going to be Katie who does the erupting."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I know it's going to happen so I try to be prepared for it. I know that I'll deserve whatever it is that she throws at me and I tell myself that I'll be able to handle it."
"But you're not so sure that you'll be able to handle it?" Martha asked.
"Martha, I'm not sure of much of anything."
The actress nodded and smiled as she patted her hand. "Kate's a tough one, she got hurt and she wants to protect herself."
"Especially from me," Johanna stated.
"Not to make you feel worse, but yes, especially from you. She doesn't trust easily and it takes her a while to warm up, but I think if you'll wait for her to come around in her own time, you'll find the results worth the wait. She wasn't always so at ease being here, she didn't always trust Richard, but now she's comfortable with us."
"I can tell that she's comfortable here," she replied.
"It took time for her to get used to us," Martha told her. "But we didn't give up on her. When she'd come by we'd make her come in and sit down for awhile, we carefully gave her the affection she seemed to be lacking and needed and of course Richard learned how to earn her trust and friendship. You have to be careful with Kate, you can't push too hard or she'll run, and you can't give up on her because she'll just accept that and move on. You have to find a balance, and you have to find little ways of giving her what she needs without her really realizing that you're doing it."
It was strange to hear another woman telling her how to handle her daughter but she understood what Martha was telling her and she accepted the advice without feelings of jealousy. "I'm trying."
"I know you are," she replied; "And I can't imagine how difficult all of this has been for you. I can't imagine how difficult it must've been to leave your family, because I can't fathom how I'd ever survive if I couldn't see my son and granddaughter."
Johanna took a shaky breath. "It's the worst feeling in the world. I think it's probably worse than if they had just allowed them to kill me…and sometimes I wished that they had."
Martha looked at her with eyes full of compassion, but not pity or sympathy and she was grateful for that, for the last thing she wanted was pity, and she didn't feel that she warranted sympathy when she had a hand in what her life had became.
"It's going to take time, Johanna," she said quietly. "It's going to take a lot of time, and a lot of fights and a lot of tears, and neither one of you will be able to fully heal until this case is closed."
"I know," she sighed. "It's a long rocky road to walk."
Martha nodded. "But you don't have to be alone, if you need a friend, if you need someone to talk to, you can call me. I'll be here…for both of you."
Johanna smiled. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"Anytime."
Martha then turned the conversation back to stories of her days in the theater and she managed to get a few stories out of Johanna about Kate as a child. The hours flew by and eventually Alexis came home and Kate and Rick reappeared from the office.
"We should probably go," Kate said as she looked at her watch.
"You can't go running off just yet," Martha protested. "Stay for dinner."
Her mother was looking at her with hopeful eyes. "Do you want to stay?" she asked her.
Johanna nodded. "I wouldn't mind staying, if you don't."
"You should stay," Alexis stated from the place she had taken next to Martha. "I wanted to ask you a few things about college anyway and I hardly see you around anymore."
Kate nodded and smiled. "Alright, we'll stay."
"Shall we order in?" Castle asked before looking to Johanna. "Is that okay with you?"
She laughed. "I'm not against fast food, Rick. I just don't think it should be ate every day for every meal and that your refrigerator should be stuffed with it."
"Let's not go there," Kate said as she took a seat at the table.
"We're not," Johanna told her before falling back into conversation with Martha.
Castle ordered Chinese and they all gathered around the table and had an enjoyable meal. Johanna subtly watched Kate as she spoke to Alexis and answered her questions about college life with honesty and advice and it was easy to tell that the young woman respected her daughter a great deal. She also watched her interactions with Rick and Martha and enjoyed seeing her so relaxed and at ease. It allowed her to be just as relaxed in their company and she enjoyed herself, and on occasion found the conversation between her and her daughter to be light and easy.
They lingered there until well into the evening and then Kate made the announcement that it was time for them to go home. Kate watched as Martha and her mother traded phone numbers and she felt good about the fact that they had gotten along so well, but then Martha hugged her again and she saw that same strange look cross her mother's face before she turned away to say goodnight to Alexis.
Alexis came and hugged her and she saw that her mother didn't seem bothered by that but she shook the thoughts away and turned to say goodnight to Castle.
"I'm going with you," he told her.
"What?" she asked.
"It's after nine, Kate. I'm going with you and make sure everything is fine."
She smiled. "That's sweet of you but we'll be fine, there's no need for you to go. I'm armed, well be fine."
His eyes scanned her body. "Either your gun is invisible or you've found a very good hiding place."
She smirked. "It's in my purse, Castle."
"I'm going anyway."
"Castle…"
"Oh humor him, darling," Martha stated. "He was raised to be a gentleman, allow him to prove that I've done something right in raising him."
Kate smiled at her. "I think you did a fine job, Martha."
"Thank you dear, maybe you can convince my son of that some day."
Kate laughed at the look on his face. "I'll try."
"And just so you know," Martha said; "I think your mother did a fine job with you as well."
She nodded and looked to her mother. "She had her moments every once in awhile."
"You may as well let him tag along, Katie," Johanna said; changing the subject. "He'll probably just follow you if you don't."
"She's right," Castle told her with a grin.
"Alright, Castle, you can be gallant and take us home."
"I knew you'd see it my way."
She smiled and shook her head. "Yeah, I had a feeling I would too."
After Castle had seen them to the door and they had settled in for the rest of the night, Kate and Johanna sat together on the couch as usual, allowing the news to play in the background.
"I had a nice time today," Johanna said; breaking the silence that lingered between them. "Thank you for getting me out of here for a few hours."
I'm not a mind reader," Kate stated as she turned her head to look at her mother. "If something's bothering you, like the need to get out of here for a few hours, you need to tell me."
Johanna eyed her warily as she weighed how to answer the question. "I'm never quite sure what I can or can not say to you."
"I'm not going to be angry with you if you tell me that you need to get out of here for awhile," she remarked. "As for knowing what you can or can not say, I think you already have a pretty good idea of what I don't want to hear from you."
"Will you ever want to hear it, Kate?" she asked seriously.
Kate held her gaze. "I don't know, maybe one day, but that day won't be anytime soon."
"I understand," she replied. "But that doesn't make it any easier to accept."
"Well, I've had to deal with a lot of things that weren't easy to accept too, but I manage to get over it and so will you."
Johanna sensed that it was time to turn the topic back around. "I enjoyed Martha's company."
"Good," Kate replied. "I hope you can be friends."
"I'd like that...she's a lovely person, I can see why you're fond of her."
Kate regarded her for a moment as she recalled the expression that had been on her face each time Martha embraced her. "But you don't like that she hugs me, do you?"
Johanna looked away for a moment but then she turned her gaze back to her daughter. "It's not that I don't like that she shows you affection, I would never begrudge you that; it's just that it's something I wish you would allow me to do. I would love nothing more than to hug you, Kate; but I know you won't let me."
She was silent as she absorbed that statement, and she wondered for a brief moment what it would be like to hug her mother again, if it would pack the same intensity as touching her hand had and her heart betrayed her with a feeling of yearning.
Johanna was watching her, watching the internal struggle play out in her eyes. "Will you, Kate?" she asked softly.
Her heart wanted her to, but her mind refused her and she forced the feeling away as she shook her head. "I can't."
Her mother nodded and shifted her gaze away for a moment. She had known that it was the answer she would receive but the foolish side of her brain had hoped that maybe, just maybe she'd allow the gesture.
"One day?" Johanna asked quietly.
"Maybe."
"Maybe is better than no," she responded; trying to act as though it didn't hurt.
Kate extended her hand across the empty space between them and Johanna looked at it and then to her in puzzlement.
"This is all I can give you right now," Kate told her; "And it's a limited time offer, so take it or leave it."
Johanna took note that she was offering her whole hand this time instead of just her fingers. She took hold of Kate's hand and held it, grateful that she was allowing her that small amount of contact.
It wasn't as intense this time, Kate thought to herself as she allowed her mother to grip her hand. It was still strange but it didn't pack the punch that the first time had and she was able to allow the contact to linger for a few moments longer than she had a few nights before.
"Martha has always been kind to me," Kate stated as she gently pulled her hand away.
She nodded. "I would never imagine that she hasn't been; she seems to care about you a great deal."
"I care about her too," she answered.
"I know, and I'm glad to know that you've had such kind caring people surrounding you and making you a part of their family."
"But?" Kate asked.
"But, nothing," Johanna replied. "I'm glad you have them. Alexis obviously looks up to you and respects you; And it's more than obvious that Rick loves you, even if you don't want to hear me say that; and Martha does a nice job of mothering you." She hated how that sounded to her own ears and could just imagine how they sounded to Kate's. She really did like Martha and she wasn't lying when she said she'd like to be her friend. She just couldn't help but feel jealous of the affection between her and her daughter.
"But she's not my mother," Kate said slowly.
"But you probably wish you would've had one like her."
Kate wasn't sure how to go about this conversation as she had never imagined having it in the first place, but she figured that the truth was the best way to go even if it stung Johanna a little.
"I've never wished that I had a different mother," she stated. "I was perfectly happy with the mother I had the first 19 years of my life. I loved her, I adored her, and I mourn her. It's the mother I've had for the last 13 years of my life that I have a problem with."
There was the sting of tears in Johanna's eyes but she blinked them away and told herself that she appreciated Kate's honesty.
"I don't blame you," she said quietly. "I don't care much for the mother you've had for the last 13 years either. There are days when I despise her; every day if you want the truth; and days that are overwhelmed with guilt and regret about the things she has done. I'd give anything if I could change it or make it better, but I know that I can't. All I can do is try to make amends and try to be a better mother than I have been, and I want to be your mother, Katie. I know it will never be the same as it was but I'd like for us to have a better relationship sometime in the future."
"Maybe one day in the future that can happen, but I can't make you any promises or guarantees; we may get to a point where we can have a relationship, but even if we get to that point it won't mean that I'll forgive you, because I'm never going to forgive you for what you've done."
"I know."
"And that's not easy to accept either, is it?" Kate asked.
"No, but it's not something that I haven't expected. I didn't want to leave you, Katie."
"We're not having that conversation, remember?"
She nodded and let the rest of her statement go unsaid. "You'll be a good mother someday," Johanna told her as she changed the subject.
"What makes you say that?"
"I see the way you are with Alexis, the way you talk to her and the interest you show in her life."
"I'm not trying to be her mother, I'm just a friend to her," she answered.
"I know," her mother remarked. "But you act in the way a mother would, even if it's not intended that way."
"The way I treat Alexis has nothing to do with the type of mother I would be," Kate replied. "Maybe I say things to her about things like college based on memories I have of that experience, of the things you said to me. It doesn't mean anything."
"You learn to be a mother by the way you're shown, Kate; just like I learned from mine. I wasn't implying that you were trying to be one; just that you obviously have what it takes to be one. You want to be a mother some day, don't you?"
Kate was quiet for a moment and she was afraid that she had over stepped. "It's none of my business," Johanna stated. "Forget I asked that."
"I would like to have a child some day," Kate answered. "When my life isn't so hectic."
"You'll know when the time is right," her mother replied.
"Yeah, and right now, it isn't right."
"Where is Alexis's mother?" Johanna asked.
"California. Meredith isn't what you call a hands on mother, and from what I've been told, she never has been."
"So the raising of Alexis has been left up to Rick."
Kate nodded. "Alexis has the type of mother who drops in for a visit once a year if she's lucky. She didn't even show up for her graduation."
"Did you go?"
Kate's mind flashed back to the text message she had received from Castle on the day of Alexis's graduation, telling her to expect a call from the graduate, as Meredith had informed her that she wouldn't make it and Alexis didn't want to see the empty seat that had been reserved for the three members of her family. Several minutes later, she got the call from Alexis and she accepted the girl's invitation and had sat beside Rick and had shed a few tears of her own as she had listened to her valedictorian speech.
"I was there," she replied.
"Good, at least she knows someone other than her father and grandmother care about her."
Kate thought about Alexis and how they had suffered a rough patch of their own in the aftermath of her three month disappearance the summer before, but once she had helped her get an internship with Lanie things had seemed to work themselves out between them. "Alexis knows I'm in her corner."
"That's good, she probably needs someone like you in her corner…just like you need them in yours," Johanna stated.
Kate nodded. "It's a comforting feeling."
"I'm glad you have that, Katie."
Kate said nothing but she glanced at her watch. "It's late, I'm going to bed, I have to work tomorrow."
Johanna rose from the couch and followed her down the hallway after she had made sure the door was secure. They said goodnight from the doorways of their rooms and then shut themselves away from each other.
Johanna was dreaming of the past, as she often did, and a series of soft anguished cries echoing from across the hallway caused her to stir and altered her dream. She thought that she was home, in the bed she had slept in for years and she was sure that if she rolled over, Jim would be there next to her. She heard the cry again and in her state of being trapped between dream and reality, she thought the cries were coming from her little girl. They were louder now and becoming more frequent and she assumed that Katie had entered their room and that at any moment she would hear a soft tearful voice saying 'Mommy' as she climbed into bed beside her.
Johanna's eyes opened, searching for her daughter's figure in the darkness and suddenly the haze of the dream faded and she realized that she was in Kate's guest room and that she was alone in her bed and the little girl she had been ready to reach for was all grown up. She sat up and blinked a few times to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room as her mind cleared. Once again she had been fooled by a dream.
She was about to lay back down and force herself to go back to sleep when she heard the cries that had been the background noise of her dream. Fear slid down her spine and her heart began to race. She threw back the covers and got out of bed, hurrying for Kate's room, the worst possible scenarios running through her mind as she pushed the door open.
Kate was tangled in her sheets, the pillows knocked to the floor, heartbreaking cries and incoherent words slipping from her lips as she thrashed around.
"A nightmare," Johanna said to herself as her heart settled back into a normal rhythm. She moved towards the bed, clicking on the lamp on the nightstand, all the while knowing that Kate wouldn't appreciate her appearance in her room but she wasn't about to go back to bed and allow her to suffer through whatever it was that was tormenting her sleep.
"Kate," she stated as she gripped her arm and shook her a little.
"Kate, wake up," she called again, but her daughter was still crying out and thrashing, making it hard for her to keep a hold of her and she was forced to move onto the bed so she could get a better hold on her.
"Katie!" she said loudly, laying her other hand against her cheek, hoping the touch would some how pull her from the grips of her dream.
The thrashing began to calm but she was still crying and Johanna brushed back the hair from her face in a soothing motion. "You're alright, Katie," she told her, knowing that eventually her voice would break through the nightmare holding her hostage. "It's just a dream, wake up and it'll go away."
She gently shook her once more and suddenly Kate bolted upright, her eyes flying open and her breathing ragged as if she had ran for miles. Johanna knew she should release her hold on her but she didn't.
"You're okay," she told her softly. "You're fine now."
Her voice shook away the fog of Kate's mind and she turned her head in the direction of the sound and found her mother sitting next to her, her face wearing the expression of concern and worry.
"It's alright," her mother whispered again.
"What are you doing here?" Kate asked once she found her voice, but her tone lacked the bite of irritation at her presence, and she didn't ask her to move from the spot she had taken at the edge of the bed.
"I heard you crying out in your sleep," Johanna answered as she unconsciously rubbed Kate's arm for a moment before drawing her hand away before she could take notice and jerk from her grasp.
"I'm sorry I woke you."
Her mother shook her head. "Don't worry about that. Are you okay?"
Kate nodded but she felt as if she was lying in some way. The dream had been more disturbing this time; more vivid and real and she shook with the thought of it. This dream that kept creeping up on her forced her to watch as she lost everyone she loved and cared about. She cast a glance towards Johanna who was still sitting next to her, worry still present in her eyes. 'She's okay,' Kate told herself as she recalled the horrific scene that she had dreamed in regards to her mother.
She was tempted to reach for the phone and call Castle, as he had been among the victims of that nightmare, but she didn't. It was two-thirty and she didn't want to wake him. He was fine, she was sure of that. Calling would only lead to questions and he would want her to tell him what she had dreamed and she couldn't do that. She couldn't bring those images to life by speaking of them.
Slowly she kicked away the covers and climbed out of bed and left the room, her breathing still slightly erratic as she made her way into the bathroom where she splashed cold water on her face and forced herself to calm down. It was just a nightmare, it couldn't hurt her, she told herself, but she still felt uneasy and she walked through the apartment flipping on the lights as she went. She went directly to the door and checked for a note but found nothing. She cracked open the door and checked the hallway and then she re-locked it and made her way around the apartment checking the windows to be sure that they were still secure and hadn't been tampered with since Ryan and Esposito had checked them. She felt ridiculous for allowing a dream to upset her so much that she'd go through these motions, but she couldn't shake the feeling of unease.
Finally she began to turn the lights back off and she made her way back to her room where Johanna was untangling her sheets and comforter, straightening them and putting the pillows back where they belonged.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Johanna asked her quietly.
"I'm fine," she told her as she made sure her gun was on the nightstand and within easy reach.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked as she folded back the covers so Kate could climb back into her bed.
"No," she stated firmly. "I don't ever want to talk about it."
"Alright," her mother said as she watched her get back into her bed, positioning herself to sit with her back against the headboard and her arms around her knees as she pulled her legs up against her.
Kate still seemed shaken and Johanna slowly sat down on the edge of the bed. "Do you want me to stay with you for a little while?" she asked.
"I'm not a little girl," Kate answered; but her eyes were filled with tears.
"I wasn't implying that you were," Johanna said softly. "No one wants to be alone when they wake up from a nightmare, especially when it's as disturbing as yours seemed to be; it doesn't matter if you're 4, 13, 21, 32, or even 61," she told her. "We all want someone to be there to tell us that everything is alright when it's over."
"You don't have to stay," she replied, although a part of her didn't want to be alone. "You can go back to bed."
"I know I don't have to stay with you, but I will if you want me to," her mother told her. "It's alright to want some sense of comfort, Kate; even if you are all grown up. If you're worried that I'll take it as meaning something more than it is, don't be, because I know you still feel the same but I'll be here for you if you'll let me."
Kate was quiet as she battled what she wanted. The way she figured it she had three options in regards to the situation she found herself in; she could give in and call Castle, allow the sound of his voice to soothe her and subtly sidestep the questions about the nature of her dream. He wouldn't be angry with her for waking him, he'd stay on the phone with her for as long as she needed without any qualms or hesitation; but she didn't reach for the phone. She couldn't, she couldn't wake him over something so trivial especially when she had been relying on him so heavily ever since her mother had came home.
She could just deal with it on her own as she usually did whenever nightmares plagued her. She could just sit there alone and talk herself out of her irrational fears and force herself to go back to sleep; or more likely she'd just sit up the rest of the night in fear that if she closed her eyes those terrifying images would return. She was used to being alone…but that didn't mean she wanted to be.
There was that last option however, Kate thought to herself as she glanced at her mother from the corner of her eye. She had offered to sit with her for a little while; she could just give in and allow her to sit there until she felt more in control of herself and her emotions. It wouldn't change anything; her mother had even made it a point to state that she wouldn't think that it would. If she let her stay she didn't have to be alone and it was after all more convenient to just accept the presence of her mother rather than wake someone at this hour.
"Do you want me to stay, Katie?" Johanna asked softly.
Slowly she nodded. "Just for a little while," she said quietly; convincing herself that she had said yes out of the sheer fact that it was convenient.
Johanna nodded. "Alright," she replied and she moved from the edge of the bed and sat beside Kate, being sure to leave space between them so she wouldn't feel crowded.
Kate squeezed her eyes shut, here she was, a grown woman who found herself in scary situations all the time and made it through them without so much as blinking, and yet this dream had reduced her to a trembling, tearful mess that needed her mother. It was humiliating, and it seemed as though Johanna read her mind, because her soft voice broke the silence. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Yes it is," she answered. "I'm a cop; I've been in real life situations that haven't bothered me like this nightmare."
"There's a reason for that, Kate."
"What?"
"When you're awake you have, or at least feel like you have some measure of control; but when you're asleep, your brain and your imagination have the control."
"But a dream can't hurt me," Kate stated.
"You're right, it can't, but it can still scare the hell out of you."
That was true; Kate thought as she fell silent, a few tears escaping without permission as the images rolled through her mind again. Johanna's hand reached out to touch her but she pulled back before Kate could say anything; but then surprisingly Kate dropped an arm from the tight hold she had on her legs, her hand seeking out her mother's and when she found it she grasped it and held on to it.
Johanna didn't say anything in response, she didn't even turn her head to look at her, she merely accepted the feel of Kate's hand as it pressed against hers.
"Think of something happy, Katie," she whispered.
A small smile played at the corners of her mouth as the tears continued to fall. Her mother had always said that to her in the aftermath of a bad dream. "Like what?" she asked.
"Whatever it is that makes you happy," she replied and then after a moment she added, "Think of Rick, he seems to make you happy. Martha and I could hear the two of you laughing, so you must've had a nice time."
"We heard the two of you laughing too," Kate replied quietly.
Johanna gave a soft short laugh. "Martha has a way with a story."
"Yeah, she does."
"Must be where Rick gets it from."
Kate laughed lightly. "He'd probably deny that."
"That's what men do," Johanna quipped as she cast a glance at Kate and found her looking back at her.
"Why do they do that?"
"I think it's a genetic defect," she replied.
"Does Dad have that defect?"
"Hell yes," Johanna answered. "They all have the 'deny it' gene, among others."
"Like the 'jackass' gene?" Kate asked; remembering that Johanna had told her once that all men were born with a jackass gene.
"That one is the worst of all," her mother replied; "And there's no cure for it."
She laughed again, thoughts of her dream fading away. "Have you ever told Dad about that jackass gene?"
Johanna nodded. "I've called him a jackass on numerous occasions; before marriage and after."
"How did he take it?"
"Well on those times when I said it after we were married, he would then tell me that he should've let Charles Patterson have me."
"And before you were married?"
She laughed. "He'd tell me I was just being ridiculous…or crazy."
"Which one bothered you the most?" Kate asked.
She thought for a moment. "Probably the fact that he would wish to inflict Charles Patterson on me for the rest of my life."
Kate smiled and then she fell quiet once more and her mind jerked her back to the thoughts she had wanted to banish and she tensed.
"Happy thoughts, Katie," her mother reminded her.
"What do you think of?" she asked quietly; recalling that her mother had added her own age to the list she had given when she had told her that no one wanted to be alone after a nightmare.
"I think of your father," Johanna replied. "I think of the times when we'd take long lunch breaks in the summer and go for walks in the park. I think of the places we went together and the fun we had. I think of you and the way you'd pick flowers out of the yard and bring them to me when you were little. I think of your smile and your laugh; I think of the things we've done together."
"But didn't that make you feel sadder?"
"Sometimes," she answered. "But that kind of sadness was always preferable to the terrible things I would dream."
"Do you have a lot of nightmares?"
"Can I be completely honest with you about that?" Johanna asked.
Kate hesitated but then nodded. "Yeah."
"I had nightmares all the time in Wyoming; I had one just days before I got on the plane to come home."
"And now?" Kate asked.
"I won't lie and say I sleep peacefully, because I don't. I don't sleep well at all, but I haven't had any of those nightmares so far and for that I'm grateful."
"What were they about?"
Johanna shook her head. "I don't want to talk about that."
"Alright," Kate said with understanding, after all she didn't want to talk about her dream either.
They grew quiet and Kate glanced at her and saw the slightly troubled look on her face and knew she was thinking of her own nightmare. "Happy thoughts," she said softly as she squeezed her hand.
"Happy thoughts," Johanna replied.
Kate took a breath and then focused her mind on what made her happy and not surprisingly it was an image of Castle that came to mind. She thought of their text message conversation that had her giggling in the kitchen, and of the day and evening she had spent at the loft with him. She thought of the way he had made her laugh, the easy way his family took not only her in but her mother as well and made them relax and feel welcome. She thought about how she'd see him in the morning and that he'd bring her a desperately needed cup of coffee and soon her mind was swimming with thoughts of Castle and she relaxed and her eyes began to flutter open and close.
"Lay down, Katie," Johanna said softly.
Sleep was overtaking her and she did what her mother told her to do without question, although she didn't release her hand and a part of her brain knew she should. She ignored it though and made herself comfortable while her mother turned off the light.
Johanna sat next to her until she was sure that she was asleep and that her dreams weren't disturbing her and then she carefully pulled her hand away from Kate's and moved off of the bed. She covered her with the sheet and the comforter and then she quietly tiptoed out of the room, leaving the door open a crack so she could hear her if she cried out again.
She went back to her room and crawled back into her own bed, but she slept lightly, maternal instinct kicking in and keeping her alert for any sign that Kate should need to be pulled from the clutches of another nightmare.
A few short hours later, Johanna was making her trek through the living room on her way to prepare breakfast. She paused as she neared the door and allowed her gaze to drop to the floor. The object lying there wasn't the usual white square this time. This morning's special delivery was a flat brown envelope and she ran a hand over her face in agitation before turning back towards the hallway to get Kate, but before she could get to her room, Kate swung the door open and caught sight of her.
"What is it?" she asked as she took in her worried expression. "Another note?"
Johanna shook her head. "An envelope this time."
Kate walked quickly towards the door and took in the sight of the brown envelope that had been left for them. She donned a pair of gloves and then picked it up from the floor and carefully opened it. Johanna stepped next to her as she extracted the contents and as they each studied it they were filled with a sense of dread.
…to be continued