A/N – SO YOU ASKED FOR HUMOR? SOMEONE SCREAMED AT ME IN BOLD CAPS AND DEMANDED THAT I SUCK IT UP AND ADD HUMOR? WELL I'LL GIVE YOU HUMOR. And to the person who wanted to know what the hell is up with my obsession on Skittles. I am gay. I sweat rainbows. I need to refill my rainbow tank. How am I supposed to do that by drinking water and eating veggies? Okay, I'm done shouting now. Hope you enjoy the chapter!
xxx
Excerpt:
"Shhh!" she pressed fingers onto my lips and moved in closer, her eyes squeezed shut. "Oh dear."
"What happened?" I allowed myself to be hugged so tightly, there was no way of breathing.
"Look behind me," she whispered, pressing our cheeks together, "near the chair. Are you looking?"
"I...am...looking," my eyes searched the interior and I saw nothing that jumped out.
"Do you see it?"
"Do I see what?"
"Noo," she rubbed our faces together and pressed me further into the door. "Please, please, please, get rid of it. I can't do it this time."
Immediately, I realized what was happening. A roach had flown or crawled into her apartment again.
xx
There she was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees and facing me. Blue shirt the color of the afternoon sky was creased. Black pants. Face buried into shaky hands, Regina was crying. She was shaking and I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't understand what could cause me to do this. To break the silence and shatter the glass.
Yeah it was flimsy to begin with. The last few days had been filled with nothing but tension. Coming home and never having her there. And now she was shaking on the floor, curled up like a comma. Crying hoarsely.
Standing there, my eyes wet and wide and I stared.
I didn't move.
I was so weak already, my head spinning, the room turning over. It was like having a bad night out on the town, drinking cheap alcohol and munching on Skittles. Then coming home and throwing up until you were drained of all energy. Frustrated and wide eyed. Lacking sleep and already looking like a zombie.
Suddenly, her cellphone rang. From her jeans pocket, I stared at it as the device played a tune that was always catchy to me. I'd hear it anywhere and instantly be reminded of the one person who was refusing to answer her mobile. It was something she never did. Regina never allowed her phone to ring after a couple seconds. It was always answered without hesitation, no matter where we were or what the hell was happening.
But now, the tune filled the air and I was compressed with dread. I was so confused and there was no way this was going to work out well for us tonight unless something was done.
What did I do?
As shaky as I was, my boots acted on their own and led me to the bedroom. Just like that, I passed her by, a ringing in my ears. My fingers as cold as ice. Then throwing myself upon the bed that was somehow warmer than me, my face was buried into the pillow.
The ringing continued.
Over and over again.
It never stopped.
Would you believe that I passed out not more than half an hour after? Sleep came to me as black as the night high up above New York city. Above the dancing lights and pulsing music drifting out from clubs, above people rushing around on the streets, out to have a great time, my mind was as black as the sky. It was as if someone had dropped me into a tank filled with thick fluid because there were no dreams. Nothing happened. All I remembered was a heavy silence that filled my head and blanked me out.
When I woke up the next morning, it didn't feel like Tuesday. It felt like Sunday because first of all, there was no sound. Just the humming of the A.C unit next door and the blinding sunlight cascading into the room. Shielding my eyes, my ears still rang and it took some time before the actual sounds of a busy early morning graced the silence.
I was so stiff, nothing reacted when my mind asked for movement.
On top of that, it was after eight and yeah, I was late for work.
As shaky as I am right now, I can't even relate everything in detail because that's how it was for me. It was like swimming through a freaking tank. Everything muffled and so upsetting, my head began to hurt.
Getting into the shower was a pain by itself because I stood like ten minutes staring at the wall where she had been last night. Curled up just there. It was like her ghost remained, and the sound of sobbing somehow filled the air like a haunting tune. Just like the ring of her cellphone and the smell of White Diamond perfume. All of it remained. Every single thing about her was embedded in my mind. Even the way she cried out my name and demanded that I open the door.
I don't know how the hell I managed to get to work, but a taxi was taken.
The guys looked at me silently when I slipped into my cubicle and signed the time sheet. Never asking questions but worrying.
I knew they were thinking about me. Even Peter reared his head to gaze in my direction a couple of times. And by the time I settled down and opened up a spreadsheet, it was after nine. Of course Larry was suspicious and he had a right to be. Coming over, I was quietly asked what happened. Oh the urge in me to tell him to fuck off was like right on the tip of my tongue. But biting it in, I sighed and swallowed. I simply said that I wasn't feeling well, it felt like the flu and he went away.
Honestly, if I can tell you one thing, it's that focusing on work can work wonders.
By concentrating on the task at hand, and that was sorting through figures, checking up on customer records, I eventually drifted into another zone. It was like slowly letting go of the anguish welled up inside of me and drowning my attention into the computer screen. The sound of keys tapping became soothing. The ring of the telephone and the courteous replies, the sound of the printer, someone photocopying a document; all of it was like a drug. Especially when Larry turned up his radio a bit, alternative music drifted around the department and Peter's out of tune singing made me smile.
Exactly at ten, the door whispered open and I didn't even look up. Most times, it was like a reflex action for most of us. To rear our heads and check out who was entering the room. But not me. Not that time. I was searching for a customer's number, to call about her subscription and if she wanted to renew it. Well, not IF she wanted to, but my job was to persuade her to renew it. That was all about marketing. To lure the fish back in and to convince them that the next issue would have exactly what they were looking for. It appeared, as I scrolled through her interests, that Maggie liked knitting. She was a 65 year old woman from India. There was no picture of course. Just basic information they usually provided when fulling up a small card for a subscription.
I was in the process of dialing her number when a yellow cup of coffee was rested next to my mouse pad. Staring at it, the sight of red painted nails made my heart freeze up and curl into a fist. Never knowing how I managed to look up, it was done and there she was.
Forgetting how to breathe, we stared at each other.
"Good morning," she said hoarsely, not a smile on her face.
My throat closed up and nothing could be said. Everyone was staring. And when I say everyone, I mean like all twelve dudes plus Larry. Well Clarke didn't count because she was a dude too. Resting an arm upon the top of the cubicle, she stared at me and I felt my eyes sting. Everything grew colder. My skin prickled. My toes because little stubs of ice and then Regina turned around.
She walked away without saying a word to anyone else.
Managing to get a glimpse of her outfit, I can describe it as a black tailored dress, knee length. A yellow scarf, my favorite color. Black, dangerously high shoes. Her dark hair was combed back behind her ears without a side part, exposing yellow stud earrings. And she was walked without the usual stiffness, very slow, head lowered.
"What was that about?" Peter wheeled his chair closer to ask.
Danny leaned back to check me out and frowned. "You okay, Emma?"
"Look, now you notice she's not okay?" Peter scowled in his direction. "What kind of boyfriend would you be to any girl?"
"I noticed but I didn't want to say anything," Danny said defensively whilst I wrapped my fingers around the coffee cup. "She's obviously upset and it's best to give a woman some space when that happens."
Peter said nothing and gently patted my back. "Girlfriend problems?"
I shrugged, biting my lips and savoring the actuality of her bringing me coffee. It was something that was capable of making me want to cry because she had never done it before. The boss never really brings anyone coffee. You take coffee to her. That's the way things were done. And for her to do something like this, it was enough to break me down completely.
Getting the message loud and clear, Peter and Danny retreated to their cubicles again without saying a word. Hence, I was left to have my eyes fill with tears and the pain inside of me making my chest as mushy as possible.
When Maggie was called, she was given my softest side. Eventually, I was so open with her, the poor lady felt me through the phone and softened up in return. It actually worked so well for her to renew her subscription, as well as ten other customers I had to call.
The pleading in my voice wasn't as false as most days. Instead it was genuinely offered, and they all got caught in the net, even this dude who was a manager for a bottle factory and had no interests in magazines. He said that he just signed up once to win a car. Now he signed up again because I asked nicely and even though his wife was a bitch, the guy said yeah, she'd want the magazines.
By twelve o'clock, I was ready to go to lunch. Locking my computer, the cup remained there like a special gift or something whilst I picked up my wallet and phone. Then heading to Larry's desk, the time sheet was signed and he smiled wryly at me.
"Do you want to go home early?" the concern in his voice was genuine but I really didn't care.
"Nah, it's okay. I'll push it." Resting down the blue inked pen, I shrugged. "Work keeps me going."
"That's a good thing," he smiled back.
I went out of there without another word.
Well for the most part of it, Babs was having lunch at her desk. As she always did, our 'granny' as the guys referred to her as was attached to the job so much. Leaving that desk was like a sin and never would the chair be vacant for more than fifteen minutes. Neatly biting a slice of carrot, she smiled around it at me whilst I passed by.
"Come here, you," I was addressed. The ringing of telephones continued around us because as it was, most people decided to call places on their lunch breaks.
I approached the desk and glanced at the closed door with the V.P's name in green on a gold plate. "Hey, hey, sexy."
Her cheeks blushed and she set the plastic bowl down carefully, licking her lips. "Oh stop it. Call me gorgeous but not sexy. Only when I'm in my red heels and sequin dresses." Babs winked.
"You tease," I ruffled her graying hair and rested my palms upon the desk that was neatly organized. "What's up?"
"What's happening with you today?" she frowned, studying my face. "I saw you come in late and then the First Lady delivered coffee to someone in your department. I'm hoping it wasn't Larry." She groaned. "Please tell me it was for you or Peter."
"Me," I said, and before it was realized, a smile stretched across my lips.
"Glorious!" she smiled back in awe. "Are you feeling better now?"
That was enough to switch my mood back into this dark place and I was filled with a sickening sadness again. The coffee had me buzzed up. But still, you know? It's like feeling totally wrong about yourself, knowing that you did something bad. Knowing that I fucked up and I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I didn't want to stand around and have my mind keep returning to last night. Realizing how bad it was for me, I couldn't imagine how horrible it was for her.
As if somehow reading my mind, I don't know how it happened. I was so dazed at first, you have no idea what it felt like to just stand there and feel this connection. Immediately, my heart was washed over with this warmth and her perfume filled the air.
"Emma," came her voice from behind me, footsteps upon the carpet.
I swung around and stared into brown eyes as she approached me.
"Well, well, well," Babs said from behind me, but her voice was so far away. "Looks like you made it just in time."
"As I said," Regina nodded, offering the woman behind me a small smile. She held up two brown paper bags and briefly smiled. "Have lunch with me."
I was choking on air.
"Babs," her perfume washed me over as I was passed by, "enter me into the conference now. But I'll be on mute."
Her Personal Assistant was as surprised as me, well after the words sank in. For her to enter a conference call without saying a word? That was like the mother of all miracles happening. Regina usually dominated calls. She was the kind of boss to cut across people speaking and shut them down. Questions were asked that people were afraid to ask. And when someone slipped up, you better be sure that the error never crossed her without notice.
Staring at Babs, both of us widened our eyes.
"Please come in," the door was held open, eyebrows raised.
"Go on," Babs whispered. "We must let the beast feed when she's hungry or else my head will be bitten off. So run along." I was shooed away.
Hesitantly, my boots neared the door. She was leaning over her desk and pressing the fancy phone that only the big ones managed to get. You know, those huge ones that have all kinds of complicated options? Four way calls and conferencing. Maybe even sending bat signals. Anyway, I went in and just stood there awkwardly. Oh crap, you can imagine how I was feeling. Like a mess.
"...running on our line, we found that sales decreased in the Latina market because of the refusal on Mally's part to continue printing issues in Spanish," came a man's voice in a British accent.
Regina stepped around me and pressed the door close, locking it as well.
My chest was a box of ice.
I watched her go around that large desk and sit behind it without the chair making a sound. Legs crossed, she reached for the bags and tossed her dark, choppy hair about like a movie star. Lips parted, one of the paper bags was opened and a graceful hand was pushed inside. I sat awkwardly in one of the four green cushioned chairs, biting my lips.
"Listen, I don't give a rat's ass about figures," Mally was saying flamboyantly on the line. She was obviously in her office upstairs. "I'm more focused on delivery. I've hired people to take care of what goes inside the magazine. Must I also be in charge of the language?"
"You are the CEO," a man with a rather husky voice said. "Forgive her, all those involved in this round table discussion. But my wife seems to be rather diverted these days."
Without saying a word to me, the lunch was taken out the bag and she rose up. Leaning over the desk, I watched her place a tissue neatly in front of me and the burger was deposited. Next, the small green fridge was her destination. Opening it, a can of Pepsi and a Fruit Juice was taken out. All of this I observed from my chair and my eyes stung because she was being so nice to me and I didn't deserve it. Did I? Did I deserve this? Do you think I deserved that kind of treatment?
Placing the can next to my lunch, she pulled up the seal and pushed in the white straw.
I stared at her.
Something was wrong about that picture. Everything was being done perfectly but it's like, something was really, really wrong. The way her eyes refused to meet mine alone signaled that my suspicions were correct. The way she went to her chair and sat down, beginning to eat her veggie burger in silence, it was enough to make my heart collapse. I couldn't even begin to eat. I really couldn't and the can of Pepsi was taken instead.
Whilst the conference went on, I sipped it and tried so hard to keep in my tears.
"Fred, you're a jackass," the man with the British accent said.
"Thank you," Fred said and a few people laughed.
"Does Bobby zip your pants up for you too?"
"I hired Bobby as my personal eyes and ears inside this industry and I will not have this fucking thing crumble to the ground," returned the English man. "Give me figures, Fred. I need my bloody figures."
"I will give you them over a jug of root beer, Simon"
"Look, if I was to travel to the U.S right now, I'd spank you, you wicked toss pot," Simon, the Brit scolded.
What kind of conference was this? I couldn't believe that the top execs were carrying on a conversation as if they were in high school. I was not in the mood for their immature humor and it all had to do with my hormones. Any other time, yeah this would have been funny as hell. But right there and then? It was like listening to South Park or something.
Reading my mind again, she sighed and dialed something.
"Yes Miss Mills," Babs said curtly.
Regina's chest heaved. "Put your headset on and be my ears until this segment of South Park ends," she shocked me by saying. "Have a laugh."
"They're rounding up the cocks and spaniels already?" Babs chuckled. "Alright then. Hand it over to me."
She transferred the call and I sat there wondering how the hell someone could read my mind like that. First she just appeared. Then there was the South Park reference. And now, above all, my sandwich was taken and folded up in the red and white checkered paper. Pushing it into the bag, she snatched my can of Pepsi and handed me a milk shake meal supplement from the fridge. She knew I couldn't eat.
For like half an hour we just sat like that without saying anything to each other. Flipping through documents, brown eyes behind black framed spectacles roamed line after line. Eventually, I took the burger and began to eat it slowly. Observing my move from above her cute spectacles, all attention on the papers was lost. I was studied like a painting or something, intently and for a long time. Without even looking at her, my burger was focused on.
Then when an hour was up, I didn't know what to do anymore.
She had returned to her papers and I stood up. Regina considered my my paper bag instead of meeting my eyes. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes.
"Thanks," I said hoarsely, my throat aching.
"Sit."
"My lunch is up," I blinked, my vision blurred.
Finally our eyes met. It was enough to make me do the one thing I always did when I had no idea what the hell to do. I turned and headed to the door. Without turning back, even when she called my name, I walked right past Babs and as fast as possible. Tossing the paper bag and can into a garbage bin, I practically rushed to the washroom and pulled the doors open. Then blindly pushing my way into an empty stall, I thanked the heavens the interior was empty.
Resting my back upon the door, the tears came as my face contorted. Fists balled, I smudged what little eyeliner I had on and choked on emotion. Digging the heels of my hands into sore eyes, I cried and cried until there was nothing remaining. Nothing. Finally feeling like a zombie again, I went outside and washed my face. Then I pushed on my spectacles to somehow try to ridiculously hide the fact that I had been crying.
Returning to my cubicle, my work was attacked again and this time, I managed to move through my tasks in lightning speed. Her coffee cup was thrown into the bin. I curled up in my chair and closed up like a fist.
For four days, she gave me my space. Four days, I received coffee and every single morning, I woke up to her random text messages.
Good morning. Hope you slept well. Have a great day.
I trust you had good dreams? I didn't sleep a wink. Coffee is my drug.
Looks like we'll have rain today. Wear something thick and don't forget to have a cup of tea.
Please don't forget that I love you, Emma. All I remember is you.
The Saturday to follow, there were no classes and my schedule had me working from 8:30 am to 3 pm. Just as I was wrapping up things with a customer from Texas, I heard the guys mention her name. Of course, immediately my ears perked up to have a listen because at some point in time, they were going to find out that I was dating the boss. On this occasion though, Peter and Kyle were leaning upon Larry's desk and the radio was turned down low. When I reared my head to check them out, my supervisor was smiling like the Cheshire Cat.
"So you actually sat next to them and had drinks?" Peter was asking, staring in fascination at the older man.
Larry nodded, head lowered as he worked on something. "It was pretty awkward at first but then as she always does, Mally eased me in."
"What you guys had? Whiskey shots?" Kyle was a twenty nine year old who had joined us from Miami, fluent in Spanish. He usually helped us out with the Spanish customers.
"Nah, it was just a few beers and Regina had her Bourbon."
"Regina had her Bourbon, he says," Peter mocked Larry and smiled at Kyle. "Did she also have you afterwards?"
I glared at them and listened. "Well we talked mostly. As far as talking goes and then Mally had to leave with her husband. That was around eleven." Gently massaging his temples, the snake continued as if he was victorious. "So mostly we talked some more."
"And?" Kyle stared.
Peter leaned in further. "Yeah, and?"
"And nothing," Larry said, shaking his head. "Nothing else happened. She got on her motorbike, a V Star 250, and rode off after bidding farewell. Which was hot as ever."
"MISS MILLS RIDES A V.S 250." Peter's eyes were wide. "Holy moley."
Meh. All they did was talk about bikes afterwards and then the conversation moved to basketball. I for one couldn't care less about their interests. All that matter to me was her. And since she had drinks with him, I didn't know how the hell to feel about that. Because I wasn't told about it. Nothing had been said, not that anything had been said for five days. But at least she could have said something in her texts about sharing drinks with my supervisor.
When I got out my department at three, there she was standing by her office door, hugging a red binder. Our eyes met and I briefly held the gaze. Then waving at Barbara, no time was wasted to get out of there. By the time the elevator doors slid close, two other girls from Accounts got in.
The drama Queens were never my kind of crowd to hang around. And to be honest, I hardly had friends who were girls. It's because of all the boyfriend talk and unnecessary emotional chattering that rubbed me the wrong way.
These two immediately began to talk about romance and I huddled into the corner, completely ignoring them. Both of them wore skirt suits that were tight and hugged their slender bodies. Dressed to impress the guys around here, I'd usually think when my eyes rested on their type. Always hanging out after work with some guy from work.
"I mean, she's totally hot though," Jessica, the red head was saying, "I don't believe a word of it."
"A lesbian?" Marlene shook her head. "No way. That's gross."
They couldn't be talking about me because I'd shut them up immediately.
"That's what I heard and remember the newspaper articles? Well that was said."
"But who's the girlfriend though?"
"The mysterious one? Apparently people at Dazzle know. I have a friend there. I'll ask her on WhatsApp or something." Jessica tapped away on her phone and the elevator reached the ground floor.
I walked out and headed to the door, fists clenched. If there was one thing about the grapevine, it was the fast dissemination of news. As soon as they got a hold of Dazzle and realized that I was the mysterious girlfriend, then the entire building would know. And remembering how it was like at Dazzle with people whispering behind my back, the same thing would most likely happen here. They'd say that she brought me here to work so that we could be closer. Most things would be said to stir up unnecessary gossip. I'd be shunned like a leper or something.
You wouldn't believe where Neal and Killian took me to study Financial Management. In a shopping mall, just near the ice cream parlor, our tables covered in books and three sundaes. With everyone hustling around us because it was a Saturday, I tried to understand interest rates and inflation. Huddled next to me, Neal pointed out the explanation of formulas and diagrams and we attempted a Case Study together.
"They're showing a bunch of black and whites," Killian studied the brochure belonging to the upstairs cinema and frowned. "I like black and whites but not on a Saturday."
"Less talk about movies, more talk about finances and management," Neal warned him, correcting my answer on the page before me.
"Agreed but after work must come play." Killian carefully waved the brochure in front of my face and smiled. "Choose a movie, Emma."
"Oh come on!" I protested, batting it away. "Don't tempt me!"
"Choose a movie. Choose a horror."
"Dude," Neal snatched the brochure and slide it inside the text book with a scowl on his face.
"I was reading that!" Killian pointed out, staring at the book. "Give it back to me."
"When we're finished with this chapter."
"I was hoping to see Terminator but -"
"Not a chance," Neal cut across me and nudged my shoulder with his. "Not now. So focus."
So we ended up studying for like two hours, moving into six and then by the time I got home, I was exhausted. I was so fatigued, hopping into the shower was a task by itself because my freaking body was like a sack of potatoes. By the time bed was sought out, it was after nine and my ear buds were plugged in. Taylor Swift, Avril, Pink. All in no order were played until sleepiness got the best of me and I fell asleep.
The next day was just me doing some cleaning inside my apartment.
I got up at around ten and suddenly had the urge to do a massive wiping and brushing of things.
My teddy bears were rearranged, books were fixed, and then the sink and bathroom were cleaned. I brushed the carpet, sprayed the glass windows and wiped them, then did laundry downstairs in the small laundromat. Meeting up with Jessie from the fifth floor, she invited me up to play a game of checkers and I ended up spending the rest of the evening with a seventy nine year old lady who had about a tonne of cats.
She had baked chocolate cookies and fed me plates of them with ease. The cocoa was so delicious, I had two glasses and at nine, I left feeling like a satisfied child, well fed.
Somehow I was in the mood to talk to her. I always was to be honest and those past few days were so hard for me to keep distance. Why were we even keeping distance from each other? Mostly because of me and my stupid mood swings. I felt that if we did this, it was like taking time off and realizing how much we meant to each other afterwards. But sometimes you believe that distance is best. You want to have some alone time and fail to realize that not everyone feels as deeply as you do.
Pressing Speed Dial 1, her cellphone rang and she did not answer. So most likely I was like, okay, she's on a call. Then I was brave enough to try the phone in her apartment and it rang for like four times which was very unusual.
Just as I was about to hang up, the line was picked up.
"Hello, good evening?"
I felt a rush of ice cold shock overwhelm me when his voice was heard. Larry. My supervisor. I should have known all the time.
"Who is it?" she asked in the background, and there was movement. Even before anything else could happen, I disconnected the call and remained there on my bed with my head all fuzzy.
What the hell was he doing there?
Oh yeah I knew why he was there. I scowled at the ceiling and felt my fists clench. He was there keeping her company and most likely having drinks. They were probably talking and bonding, whilst he told her about his deep crush and how every day was brightened with her smile. That's what he was telling her. I was so sick of the thought of him being there, springing up from my bed, the fridge was my destination. Pulling out a beer, I practically pulled the cap off with my bare hands and then when the pain hit me, the opener was used.
"Yeah, great," I muttered to the empty apartment, walking towards the window and staring outside. "Good for you. Dammit!"
I kicked the chair and my boots felt like coffins of cold air. Freezing my toes and forcing me to sit down. It was too much. Too freaking much to process. From the room, my cellphone rang and I ignored it because nothing was important at that moment. Nothing. Not even sleep.
She was fucking with me. All the time, she was just fucking with my feelings. Pushing me away, everything. Every single damn thing!
The next morning, I woke up with wisps of anger curling inside of me and got dressed. Drinking my coffee black, I didn't eat and had a major crash by mid morning so the cafeteria was attacked for something to munch on.
Just as I was striding past her office, chewing on a cheese scone, Barbara drew me nearer to ask about something related to Grimm because she watched the show and loved it. For most of the time I stood there, her office door was glared at. If it was possible, holes would have been burned through the wood and staring at her name was like shooting poisonous darts at the person herself.
"You're late, Miss Mills," Barbara shocked me by saying, her eyes focused behind. "But you made it to work, which is good."
"Good day, Babs," she said and I didn't even take time to look at her. "Emma."
"Good day, Miss Mills," I said sarcastically, and pushing myself away from the desk, I walked back to my department without looking back.
Of course I wasn't expecting it.
At midday she sent her Personal Assistant for me, suggesting lunch. I declined, said there were other plans and then my phone rang. When I saw her name registered on the device, the volume was turned down low and the call was answered.
"Yes, Miss Mills, how may I help you?"
There was silence.
I waited and heard her breathing. The seconds ticked by and then my fist was clenched.
"Yes...Miss...Mills," I said stiffly.
"I need to...see you." Her voice was so husky and sounded so far away. "Please."
"If you want a companion, then call my supervisor since he was good enough company last night," I returned bitterly.
"I knew it was you," she said without any hint of anger in her voice like mine, "you called me."
"And he picked up, which obviously proved my suspicions correct."
"What...suspicions?" she asked, as if completely dumb on the matter.
"I don't have time for this right now. I have to work. Call people. Get stuff done."
"Emma, he just came over. What did you want me to do? Turn him away?"
"You could have done that," I hissed into the phone, head lowered. "You could have done everything possible to turn him away but you encouraged him. You fucked with me. You've been fucking with me. But instead of using your hands, you're...opening doors in the middle of the night and letting in...people."
"You need to calm down," her voice was shaky. "This is being understood in the wrong light. You're overreacting, Emma."
"I'm overreacting?" I slammed the phone down and ran fingers through my hair, trying to breathe.
She called back immediately. "Four days you've put me on a diet," Regina said in a loud whisper. "Four days. I am starving. I need my Vitamin E."
"Did you feed him your expensive wine?" I scowled, clawing at my mouse. "I hope he chokes on it."
"Behave yourself."
"Then stay on the diet," I hissed back and ended the call.
I was called to her office at exactly three that afternoon and locking my computer, the stiff expression on my face probably signaled to everyone that something was terribly wrong. Even Larry watched me with worry. Babs, saw me pass by and her eyes widened. Pushing open her door without knocking, I went inside and stood there with my arms folded.
She wasn't behind her desk. She was sitting on it on my side, and her arms unfolded immediately. Standing up, steps were taken to the door and it was pressed close. Then returning to where I stood, we were face to face and I completely avoided eye contact.
"What is wrong with you?" her voice was low and dangerous.
"Nothing is wrong with me," I returned sarcastically. "Nothing is wrong with me. Except that I'm going crazy over these little thoughts. I just want to buy a plastic roach and torture you with it."
"Spare me the ridiculous display of hormonal bouts of anger that isn't supposed to be directed at me.""
"I'll pretend that I understood what you just said," I glared at her. "I'm also still considering the roach. I know you hate cats. I'll get a cat too."
"He's a friend, Emma," she leaned in and alerted me with wide brown eyes. "He...is...a...friend. A colleague. I will not accept you speaking to me like that as you did before on the matter."
"What the hell?" I stared at her.
"You behaved very offsetting today. You used the F word at me. I prefer the non verbal use. But I don't appreciate the way I was spoken to or treated. As if there is no trust between us. And I feel very hurt about that tone of voice you used on me. I will not allow you to speak to me in this manner."
"Well then sorry for causing you any upsets," I said staring out the glass behind her. "Get into your Principal mode and scold me. Send me to detention. Give me lines to write."
"Would you please stop behaving like this?" she took a hold of my shoulders. "I have had enough of your behavior this week. I understand that you are quite unwell due to your period. But it gives you no right to take such emotional bouts on me. I am not a punching bag."
"I never punched you," I said. "I'd punch him though."
"Emma, that is hardly the point."
"What did the two of you do last night?" the matter wouldn't be dropped. My eyes flicked to meet hers. "Did you drink and talk?"
"Yes. I am allowed to have friends whilst being you, am I not?" she stared at me, half a foot of space between us. "Or do you wish to have me all to yourself?"
Turning away, tears burned my eyes.
"Just say the words and allow me the chance of giving you anything you want, Emma," she voiced that statement with heavy emotion. "Let me know what the hell you want me to do. I have been staying away. I have been giving you space because that's what you wanted of me. Now you don't want me to even entertain friends. To which I find really hurtful on your part."
I remained silent.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you," she said, her voice trembling.
I didn't. I remained facing the door and never looked back.
My shoulder was taken firmly and I was turned around on the spot.
"Why are you treating me like this, Emma? Why are you trying so hard to hurt me?"
"I am not trying to hurt you," my eyes filled with tears. "Why would I do that?"
"Then what do you want me to do?" she raked her fingers through my hair and moved in closer, resting our foreheads together. "What must I do to muffle any doubts and all suspicions?"
"I don't know," I whined like a stupid child, hating myself for it. "I'm not in control of myself right now. I don't know what's happening but I'm not feeling okay."
"That's because you're on a roller coaster of hormones and I understand that," she said. "But I don't understand where all of this hatred is coming from. Glaring at me, refusing to speak to me. Keeping me at arm's length. Emma, at a time like this, I want to be with you more than ever. I want to help you get through this and comfort you. Is that understood?"
I nodded, hugging myself, tears leaking down my cheeks. "I think something's wrong with me," I said hoarsely.
"Nothing is wrong with you, sweetheart. I know that you've never been in a relationship before and there might be moments when you believe me to have lost faith and interest in you. But you have to understand that I love you this way and only you. I can never love someone else like this. Larry, he's the wrong gender and you are aware of this. You're aware of the fact that I would never cross that line and sleep with anyone else. I would never do that to you. I'm committed to you."
"I'm so sorry," I said in a small voice, "Regina, I am so, so sorry."
"It's okay. I'll find a way for you to make it up to me."
I actually laughed, my chest heaving. "I know you will."
"That sound..." she captured my face between her hands, "...your laugh; it's like music to my ears. Are you ready to be most affectionate and intimate and on speaking terms with me again?"
I nodded. Her phone rang. It always rang in the most emotional moments. She gazed at me and allowed it to. Then when it started to ring again, footsteps led to her desk.
Picking it up, she answered. I sighed and hugged myself, lips bitten.
"No, I'm afraid I can't talk to you about that right now."
Our eyes met.
"Yes. I will call you back. I understand. Alert the conference about my absence and that I will join when I am free."
She offered me a small smile and rested the phone down.
"Great!" her hands were clapped, a huge smile on that pretty face. "Where were we?"
"Um, do you have a mint or candy or something?" our eyes met. "I feel upset."
"Oh?" going behind her desk, a drawer was pulled open. "I hope I didn't get you pregnant by chance." She pawed around inside and I couldn't help but laugh. Brown eyes were pinched from a smile. "Are you concealing that glorious news from me?" She tilted her head, retrieving a power mint.
"Maybe," I shrugged.
"Should I call my gynecologist and schedule an appointment?" Her eyebrows were raised as she came towards me holding out the mint. "To have a routine checkup?"
"You know what," I took it and frowned. "Maybe that's a good idea. I've always wanted to see one about my period and stuff. The cramps are too much and my hormonal level skyrockets."
"Perhaps the pill should be considered," she gently tucked my hair behind my ears as I twisted the mint open and popped it into my mouth. "At first it make you feel a bit nauseous whilst using it. But your body adjusts."
"You use it right?"
"Yes," she nodded, pressing a kiss onto my forehead. "It works wonders, sweetheart. Gone are the days when I used to suffer as you do right now. Four light days and not a mood swing. Added to that, say goodbye to acne and pimples and that horrible feeling of believing that your girlfriend doesn't think you're worth it."
"I just kept thinking that he wants you and he could make a move on you and -"
"Actually he did," she stood there and shrugged.
My eyes widened. "He did?"
"Yes. Nothing physical of course. Just a mention of being romantically inclined to me. I alerted him that I was committed to someone. Mally backed me up and made it clear to him that yes, her best friend was not on the market. And Larry perfectly accepted the news. In fact, last night, he stopped by to drop a few papers off. And we ended up having a glass of wine, speaking about this partner of mine."
I stared at her. The buzzing of the traffic below filled the room.
"Emma, he knows that I'm gay. I believe everyone in here knows. They just aren't aware of you being my other half. Everyone wants to know who this person is though. Apparently Robin refuses to speak of it to anyone who asks. But Larry knows this. And when I told him that there IS someone, he backed off. He suggested friends. I accepted. I don't have friends apart from Mally, Emma. I need...to speak to people outside of work."
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her closer. "I'm not stopping you from having friends. It was just...him. Because I knew he...has feelings for you. And it made me feel -"
"Jealous?"
"Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not ashamed. I felt jealous because sometimes I think that you're going to wake up and want someone else."
"Why in the world would I want someone else, Emma?" she stared at me and frowned. "Even if I was hit in the head with a bat, and lost my senses, and my memories, I'd still fall head over heels in love with you all over again."
I couldn't help but smile, feeling all mushy inside. "Are you still mad at me about last Monday?"
"Yes. I am. Majorly mad. Perhaps slightly. Or not."
Hugging her just like that, she melted in my arms and I nuzzled my face into soft, dark hair. Instantly inhaling watermelons and all kinds of fruits, she had changed her shampoo, more like a mix Chad would find as a favorite. She smelled so good, I wanted to literally sniff her all over. And I couldn't let go.
"I'm sorry I made you cry," I said softly, holding her tightly against me. "I was so frustrated."
"Like I said, you'll make it up to me soon. I know this."
"Anything you want," I said, resting our foreheads together and gazing into brown eyes. "Any single thing you want, just tell me."
"Anything?" her voice was hoarse.
"Yeah, anything."
"Okay, come by me tonight at precisely seven. It is Monday night, the perfect night and you are so going to pay." Untangling herself from me, I pulled her back and searched a cheerful face.
"What are you going to do to me, Regina?"
She laughed hoarsely and patted my shoulders. "I wouldn't tell you, even if you tried to kiss it out of me. So don't even try to -" her breath caught in her throat when I reached between soft legs.
Wearing a simple black pants suit, that pretty much give me easy access and very soon, brown eyes were widened. Lips parted, she was pulled closer, me maintaining my grip.
"Emma..."
Her voice was so husky. I was stunned and completely unprepared when Regina stepped in and crushed her lips onto mine. The passion in her kiss was so much, we devoured each other's mouths hungrily, climbing the wave of desire that kept consuming us. Hands roamed my chest, fingers pushing their way in and cupping my boobs. I began to slowly massage between her legs and she gasped into my mouth, staring at me with wide eyes. Very soon, my back hit the wall and hands were raked through my blonde hair, kissing me so deeply, I couldn't breathe and I didn't want to.
I didn't want to move apart.
My hand unzipped her pants and slide inside neatly whilst she tilted our heads sideways and used tongue. A hot kiss that escalated so much, I ended up walking her backwards clumsily. She sat on the back of one of those green chairs and gave me easy access. Moving lace aside and feeling exactly what I needed. Using two fingers and thrusting into her without wasting time. I missed this. Oh geez, how I missed feeling her so wet and reacting to my every touch.
Cupping my face between her palms, brown eyes grew wide. Because she was so tight, closing around my fingers snugly. Wrapping her legs around me, I made love to her at our new workplace for the first time. Over and over again she rode my thrusts and muffled her hoarse cries into my chest. Coming hard and shaking against me, throwing her head back as I bit into tender skin around a sweat soaked neck. Her dark hair was disheveled, tangled and tossed around as my hands gripped her legs and I went down south.
The toes of her boots dug into the carpet, trying to maintain her balance whilst I sucked and used my tongue on her. So wet and warm she was, convulsing eventually and raking trembling fingers through my hair. Curling into me like a comma, gyrating her hips and pressing my head closer.
"Emma," she shook and I felt how her orgasms rippled through a gorgeous body. Twisting upon the edge of the chair back, she mewled and pulled me up.
Eventually our lips met and we kissed for a long time.
Switching on the AC to full blast, it took us roughly twenty minutes to cool down inside her office. Fixing her hair, Regina perched herself at the edge of that massive desk and applied red lipstick and powder. Her red shirt was creased but could be undetected if the jacket was pulled closer in front. I was obviously more creased than she was and was wearing no jacket.
"Tonight," she reminded me, entwining our fingers as the door was pulled open. "Don't think of anything else but me until tonight."
"I wouldn't," I said, our fingertips brushing together. Out of her office I went and realized that it was five and work was over already.
Safely putting it this way, I went to my Financial Management lecture that night in all smiles.
The class was really entertaining to me whilst concepts seemed easily digested and understood. Karen was really trying to explain everything to us in the simplest way and I admired her deeply for that. I really did. Because she had a class of adults to teach these things to. A room filled with people of all ages, people who possibly wouldn't ever understand the Productivity Ratios and everything else. But she kept repeating things and showing us how to work them step by step, when seven o'clock came, I felt relieved more than ever.
Left with the paper that had been passed around to collect names, as a form of easy register, I ended up moving to the front of the room. She was packing up her things neatly into a black case, blonde hair falling into emerald eyes.
"Here you go, Miss Betts," I said cheerfully and held out the paper.
Lifting her eyes, she considered what I held out and smiled. "Oh great, thank you, Emma."
Literally, I was stunned because we had never been introduced. Since classes began, I never spoke to her and there was no way she could know my name just like that. But it just happened! How weird was that?
"You're welcome," I said, realizing that she was looking at me a little too longer than expected.
"Did you enjoy the class then?"
"Oh yeah," I nodded and hoisted my backpack up with a hold on the straps. "I'm actually reading ahead with the help of a friend."
She sighed and considered me with a smile. "Emma, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that from someone in this class." Betts pressed her bag close and adjusted the black strap. "It would appear as if no one understands a thing."
"Don't think that way," I shrugged. "You're making it easy to understand, if you ask me. And I know for sure that a couple ladies around me were understanding too. They were taking notes and explaining back what you taught to each other."
Up close, I realized how pretty she was and possibly way older than me. We had different shades of blonde hair because whilst mine was yellow as my other often described it, hers was lighter, almost gray looking.
"Forgive me for intruding, but have we met before?" She frowned, studying my face.
I thought about it and shook the thought away. "Nah, I'm sure I'd remember you."
"And why is that?" she picked up her black binder filled with notes and began to walk away from the wooden podium. "Am I too ugly to forget?"
"Hey," I glanced at her and smiled whilst she did as well. "No, you're not ugly. You just have a face I'd remember."
"Funny but my partner says the same thing constantly to me," Karen laughed, hanging her head as we went outside and into the night. The dimly lit campus was filled with shadows of people leaving classes.
"I bet he does," I said absentmindedly, checking my phone and noticing a message from Regina.
"Actually my partner is a SHE," Karen said whilst I read 'DON'T FORGET ME. I AM TYPING THIS IN CAPS. I CANNOT BE IGNORED.'
Staring at Betts sideways as we walked, I reprocessed her words and my eyes widened. "I knew there was something completely awesome about you."
"And you too," she said, winking at me.
"Oh really?" I laughed as the wind lifted her hair.
"Yes. Over the years, I've realized that it is possible that I have one of those gaydars that is seriously fine tuned to perfection. I can instantly detect a gay woman anywhere. And it doesn't help when I'm in front of a large class and a few faces send me signals."
"So how many are there in this MNG211 class exactly?" sliding my phone into my pocket, I got out my car keys.
"Honestly? I'm afraid there's just you."
"Dammit," I tried to appear crestfallen and she laughed.
"But there are many others on campus and I can pinpoint some for you."
"Actually, I'm already committed to someone," I said to her, and she stared at me with wide eyes. "So nah, I'm not looking."
"That's incredible!" she squeezed my right shoulder and pulled me close. Betts was taller than me by like four inches. "How long have you two been together?"
"Since June. I've lost count because it feels like such a long time already."
"Somehow I feel connected to you and I think I might know why."
"Why? Because we're both gay?" I smiled.
"That too. And the fact that from the first time I saw you, I actually said to myself, this young lady reminds me of me when I was younger."
"That's exactly what one of my friends said the other day," I told her, "kind of like sisters."
"Same eye color. My hair is blonde but almost fully gray. It runs in my family actually. The aging of our hair to become fully gray before we reach the age of seventy."
"How old are you? If you don't mind me asking..." we had reached the parking lot and she took out her keys too.
"I'm sixty eight years young," Karen laughed.
"No way!" I stared wide eyed at her
"I know, I know," she held out her arms and pressed the alarm remote. A black sedan chirped behind me. "I look like twenty, right?"
"You totally do!"
We both laughed and she pulled open her door and rested the black case inside. "Thank you, dear. Well for me," she sighed. "It's back to the hospital. I'm working the night shift."
"You're a doctor?" I was impressed.
"Well generally speaking, yes," she climbed in neatly. "I'm a gynecologist."
"Wow," all the wicked thoughts running through my mind probably shone through my eyes.
Karen shook her head, amused. "It's how I met my partner, so whatever is going through your mind, it led somewhere. However, nothing comes out of it since we've been together for almost fifteen years now. When I first started off, oh joy."
She was hilarious.
"But now, I'm like, I've seen all shapes and sizes at all angles, it's kind of funny. I'll see you Thursday for tutorials, Emma," the engine was started and she closed the door, winding down the window.
"Take care, Miss Betts," I said waving.
"Hey, let's hang out some time. You, me, your other half and my other half."
"Sounds awesome," I watched her reverse out of the parking lot and then went to my precious yellow bug.
The drive to Regina's place was refreshing for me whilst I actually sang to ABBA's songs. And yeah, I was and still am a total ABBA fanatic. Most likely I got that from dad who was obsessed with them. Whilst mom was more into Anne Murray and Celine Dion. She also loved Taylor Swift. Regina was more into...
What was Regina into?
I had no idea!
The last time I scrolled through her phone for a game to play, the playlist was EMPTY. It was like a crime I was witnessing. Not a song in a phone? It was supposed to be brought up but I never did. And now as I drove, my mind began to wonder how the hell she had no music in there.
Let's see, to be honest, she struck me as a Taylor Swift fan and I had no idea why. Maybe it was the fact that she always kept humming and appearing entirely cute whilst doing it. Plus her obsession with chick flicks was something to really witness and have a laugh about. Her favorite movie was Mean Girls and she absolutely adored Regina George. Freaky Friday was another one. Then there was Ten Things I Hate About You and Geek Charming. She loved those kind of movies, except for High School Musical.
The Devil Wears Prada was another favorite. So was Meryl Streep who I believed was her role model. As close to fangirling as she'd go would be her huge brown eyes glued upon the television whilst Miranda aka Meryl was on screen. Her impressions of the woman didn't even require any effort. She already had the no nonsense look and the smirks and stares.
Just as I parked outside her apartment building, I made a mental note to ask her as soon as she opened the door.
Before my fist could even rap, the door was opened and Regina pulled me inside.
"What the hell?"
"Shhh!" she pressed fingers onto my lips and moved in closer, her eyes squeezed shut. "Oh dear."
"What happened?" I allowed myself to be hugged so tightly, there was no way of breathing.
"Look behind me," she whispered, pressing our cheeks together, "near the chair. Are you looking?"
"I...am...looking," my eyes searched the interior and I saw nothing that jumped out.
"Do you see it?"
"Do I see what?"
"Noo," she rubbed our faces together and pressed me further into the door. "Please, please, please, get rid of it. I can't do it this time."
Immediately, I realized what was happening. A roach had flown or crawled into her apartment again.
Laughing, I tried to move but she wouldn't let me. "Um," taking a hold of her waist, I tried to gently push her way but she was practically glued to me. "I have to move, Regina."
"Why?" she stared at me with her huge brown eyes. "Are you going to...execute it?"
"I'll find it and throw it outside or something."
Letting me go, she folded into the door and remained there, hugging herself. I quietly stepped into the living room and just as my eyes rested on a yellow butterfly kissing the arm of the red chair, she mewled.
The door behind me was pulled open and out she went in a haste, shoulders hunched.
A BUTTERFLY?
I was wrong. I had to be wrong. There was a roach somewhere in here and I was going to find it. Getting onto my knees, I peered under the red chair and couldn't see a thing moving. The butterfly followed me around the furniture and I lifted the cushions, pressed them into the chair again. I crawled around on my freaking knees and didn't see a roach.
Sitting there, giving up, the little yellow creature kissed my cheek and I was reminded of that episode of Spongebob when they made these little creatures appear so harmful and scary. Zooming into their fuzzy faces and giving us a shot of a monster. To be honest, I hated moths but this little yellow thing? Capturing it into my cupped hands, I let it out the window and then went outside.
She was standing downstairs, hugging herself still and wearing her black leather jacket. Her red dress was gorgeous and had a flare out bottom that reached her knees. Surprisingly she was wearing red flats.
"Did you do it?" Regina stared at me.
"I couldn't find a roach."
"It wasn't a -"
"And if you honestly think that I'm supposed to believe you are afraid of butterflies," I cut across her, "then I'm about to laugh really hard."
"Emma, you have no idea how awful those things are!" she said in a heavy whisper, chasing after me as I walked outside and bit in my laughter. "They have little minds of their own. Are you aware of that? They have...mouths. They can bite."
"Regina," I snorted, moving to my car, "butterflies don't bite."
"They do! They bite. They hate me. They chase after me. I was in the shower..." she said, keeping near me whilst I unlocked the door, "when it just flew in and I didn't even get to wash my face properly."
I stared at her with wide eyes. "Did you bathe at all?"
"Of course I did, thank goodness." She groaned, hugging herself again, our eyes meeting. "I feel...violated somehow."
"What the hell did the poor thing do? Rape a pore on your cheek or your arm?"
"I hate you and your attempts to mock me," she said scowling and appearing totally cute. "I hate your stupid...car."
"I should have left it inside your apartment," laughing, I went around to my side and got in. The key was pushed in. "And this car, don't you insult my baby at all. We first bonded in this machine and you owe it."
"I owe it...what?" she scowled at the dashboard. "How did it earn the title of 'baby' and you've never called me that?"
"I've called you...baby." I stared at her.
"When?"
"When we make love, or have you forgotten me saying, 'oh baby, oh...baby'," I threw my head back as she watched, "give it to me. Give it to me, Regina. Just give...it...to -"
"Miss Swan, start the car," she interrupted me.
I pouted, "why isn't your hand between my legs?"
"Start...the...car." Her brown eyes were fiery.
"And if I don't?" I purposely smirked.
Reaching forward, she grabbed me between my legs and I squeaked. "Start the car, Emma." Her thumb pressed in and began to create a rhythm that made me curl into the chair. "Start it or else I'll be damned."
Eyes wide, I did what I was told and her maniacal laughter filled the air whilst we drove away.
Xxx
A/N – Hope you liked it! REVIEW and let me know! Follow me on Twitter ( KarlieMaria) and Tumblr (karlitaswriter)!