"Bedroom Problems"
Arnold lay on his side, cheeks flushed because Helga had strategically wrapped herself around him. So far, she had been true to her word, not making any but the most cursory advances, which he allowed because fighting them would be counter-productive to sleep. Besides, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Helga's legs were nearly as long as Rhonda's, thin and strong, although Helga wasn't holding him very tightly, she seemed to be eager to please, flexible with the sleeping arrangements. She had managed to pull him against her, his back mildly hooked against her torso. Odd that someone like Helga could actually make him feel rather comfortable. If they had to spend a night together, it might not be so bad if she continued to behave herself. She was clever. She wasn't forcing him to sleep in this position, he had the freedom to move. But she was clearly indicating this was where she wanted him to stay. And after years of sleeping alone, contemplating failed relationships and wondering why he just couldn't seem to get things right, it was nice to be wanted, even by Helga. But what Arnold found most intriguing was how a girl so tall could feel so slight. Her skin was smooth, and there was almost nothing to her. Helga wore a plain pink nightshirt that came just over her waist. But she seemed to be a solid force, all bony and angled. But then, Arnold supposed that suited her personality just fine. Still, having slept cuddled with Rhonda, he had expected a bit more softness. He wondered how he possibly could've thought of the word "soft" in the same sentence as Helga, as the two were nearly antonyms. Arnold chuckled at the idea, which seemed to disturb his wife a bit.
"And just what is so funny, Football Head?" Helga wondered, shifting her weight on the bed.
"I was just thinking about the weekend I spent with Rhonda. We shared a bed at this really posh hotel. King size. If we laid at opposite ends, I could roll over three times and still not bump into her."
"Somehow, I doubt you were sleeping at opposite ends." Helga rolled her eyes, sarcasm lacing her voice.
Arnold frowned. "Not that it's any of your business, Helga, but we didn't make love. We were pretty tight, though."
"Ugh. Spare me the details." Helga scoffed, sounding annoyed.
This caused Arnold to roll onto his back, looking back at Helga. "You're jealous, aren't you!"
"I am not!" Helga scowled. "I just don't have much desire to hear about you and the princess in the sack together. Who would!"
"Everybody." Arnold chortled, thinking of how many of the guys in their class would do one better and pay good money for the experience.
"Oh, right."
"You're jealous!" Arnold insisted, raising his voice in pitch to a sing-song quality.
"Stuff it! What were you laughing about earlier?"
"Huh? Oh! I was uh, thinking about how you're so, well. . .skinny. When I was lying against you, you seemed so slight. It seemed strange, because you're so tall."
Helga blinked, trying to figure out what he could possibly be talking about. Then she began to realize. "Hmph. That's me. Presenting Helga Pataki, proud wearer of the A-cup. Did you really wake me up just to have a conversation about my breasts, or lack thereof? I'm shocked! You're more of a guy than I give you credit for."
"That's not what I meant, Helga." Arnold groaned.
"Then what?"
"I don't know, I just was expecting something. . .different."
"Well sorry to disappoint you." Helga closed her eyes and turned her head, trying to illustrate she was hurt.
"I'm not disappointed!"
"Look, Arnold, it's not that big a deal. I'm not sensitive about my boobs. I mean, there are plenty of advantages to not being well-endowed. Like if I decide to lend my skills to the girls' volleyball team for practice, or if I feel like jogging around the track to let off some steam, it's no big deal. I know that I'm not the one guys are staring at. And when I had to do interviews for the school paper, usually with these hormone crazed jocks who couldn't find America on a basic world map, well, then at least I could keep his eyes focused on me instead of him having a conversation with my chest. So no, I'm not really all that disappointed in my growth. I can even wear any bathing suit I want, I don't have to worry about how it makes them look."
"Oh? Have you ever stuffed yourself?" Arnold chided, feeling bold. He grinned like a cat.
"Shut up!"
"I'm serious! Come on, you're telling me you never once added a little tissue paper so you could fill out a dress or wear something a little low cut?"
"Shows what you know. Bubble wrap is all the rage these days, bucko. But maybe you should ask Rhonda. She's the expert on appearances."
"Rhonda stuffs herself!" Arnold asked, his mouth agape at the notion.
"How should I know? She was your girlfriend! You're the one who's seen her in all her glory!"
"I guess I didn't pay all that much attention. . ."
"Figures." Helga rolled her eyes. "You always were a leg guy."
"What! I am not!"
"Oh, please! Did you really think I wouldn't notice over the years? I'm a reporter, Arnold. It's my job to observe. Your eyes were always watching Rhonda strut. Now that made all the girls jealous. And for the record, Arnoldo, Rhonda is obviously a B cup, everyone knows that. Although that does prove that you weren't dating girls from their mammary glands. That's worth something in my book."
"I always date a girl for her personality, Helga. It's my policy."
"You know, as unlikely as this may seem, I believe you."
"You do?"
"Of course! I've followed your 'career' pretty closely. I have to admit, you and Nadine did make a pretty cute couple." Helga paused in her thought, struggling to keep a straight face. The notion of saying something positive about Arnold being with a girl other than herself was nauseating. "Whatever happened to that, anyway? Did Rhonda come between you?"
"No. I still don't know what happened. She just. . .dumped me. She wasn't angry or hurt, I never saw her with another guy. She never even gave a reason. She just told me that she was very sorry, and that we couldn't see each other anymore. But whenever I see her now, she always seems so nervous if our eyes meet. Like she's afraid of me. I just don't get it. Nadine and I were so good. She was always Grandpa's favorite.
"Nadine, and not Rhonda?" Helga questioned.
"Oh, he liked Rhonda too. But I think she scared him a little. You know, she's from a different world than he is, so he always felt a little intimidated. Plus, he thought she looked at me with this hunger, like she didn't dare let me out of her sight for long periods at a time. She wasn't clingy. But she was. . .close. We were close. Things were almost always intimate between us. Funny how we went from two people who passed in the hall to being joined at the hip. Sharing hopes and dreams and secrets about each other we'd never dare tell anyone else. It was like we always knew each other, like we were extensions of each other. Rhonda was everything I ever wanted in a woman."
Helga blinked, drinking in every word that poured out of her husband, growing more worried with each breath that even with her own desperate act, she was too late to ever hope to experience his affections. Realizing that this line of conversation must be painful for Arnold, Helga tried to be comforting, offering something Arnold would count on from her. Good old sarcasm. "A great set of legs and an ass to match?"
"No. Someone to love me. Unconditionally. That's all I ever wanted in Ruth McDougal. In Lila. In Nadine, and especially Rhonda. And when I was with Rhonda, for a time, I thought I finally had that. But it seems my luck with women continues. Her parents gave her an ultimatum. They didn't want us getting any ideas about being together past high school. And she was a dutiful daughter. She broke up with me."
Helga's breath caught at this revelation. Arnold has always wanted to be loved? Unconditionally? Oh my darling, if only you knew. You are, my flaxen haired angel. I've been loving you for fifteen years! Ever since I first saw you, I've always loved you for who you are! Oh, why didn't you tell me sooner, Football Head? Don't you know that I could be the girl of your dreams? I know I could, if you'll only let me! If I'll only let myself! I'm the girl, Arnold! I'm the girl that has always, through everything, loved you! I will always love you! Don't you know that? Why don't you know that! Helga shook her head, feeling her eyes tearing up. She had to get control of herself. "It will happen for you, Arnold. You just need to have a little faith. You can't hurry love. Believe me, I know."
"I'm not trying to hurry it. I'm trying to hold onto it."
Helga nodded, yawning slightly. "You will when the time is right. I hope you'll believe in me."
"I'll try."
"Look, I, uh. . .I'm gonna get some sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow."
"Doing what?" Arnold asked, confused.
"Meeting my parents, doi! Oh, that's going to be a real pleasant time. Having dinner with them is like taking your life into your hands."
"Do we have to?"
"We have to sooner or later. I'd rather do it sooner and just get it over with. Then we can get on with our lives. Oh, and if anyone asks, we made whoopee, and it was way better than last time."
"Helga, there hasn't even been a first time!"
"We know that. They don't have to. Unless, of course, you want to listen to the rest of your 'family' giving us sexual pointers over breakfast. I'm sure that will be a blast."
"Okay, okay, point taken!" Arnold relented, chuckling mildly at the idea of Suzie whispering in Helga's ear.
There was quiet as Arnold rolled back onto his side. Helga remained on her back. This time, she noticed that Arnold rested against her more easily, and she grinned like a schoolgirl at the thought. After a few minutes, Helga finally broke the silence. "Hey Arnold?"
"Mmm?" Arnold asked sleepily, sounding only half awake.
"You still mad at me?" Helga asked. Arnold didn't answer. After several long moments, Helga reached out, her fingers finding tufts of his hair and cupping the strands slightly. She lovingly twirled a bit of it around her index finger, careful not to pull it or disturb him. "Arnold? I'm sorry, I just. . .I just. . ."
"Goodnight, Helga." Arnold said, sounding like he was between sleep and consciousness. The sounds of silence began to haunt Helga as Arnold drifted off. She lost track of how many times she had to blink the tears out of her eyes before sleep took her.
OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
Rhonda stood at the apex of the small stone bridge that stretched across the river, gazing at the water below as it flowed beneath the arch, watching as the reflections of objects above danced on the rippling surface. This was a spot that everyone had visited at one time or another. Rhonda imagined that the current carried away all the worries and anxieties of those that stood in this spot. It somehow made things more bearable. Her entire life, such as she knew it, felt like it was devolving into a coin toss. A competition between herself and Helga Pataki. The other girl wasn't even present, and yet, Rhonda feared losing to her now more than ever.
The obvious strategy, of course, was to find a way to break Helga's spell, to release Arnold from the power that girl held over him. But how? How had Helga become such an all-powerful force in his life to begin with? There was nothing in Arnold's story to explain the phenomenon. At least, not yet. This just didn't make sense! Girls like Helga Pataki did not get men like Arnold! It was unnatural! And yet, perhaps love was unnatural. Looking back, the story of her own courtship with Arnold, taking them from mere acquaintances to intimate lovers, was murky at best. There was no simple way to explain how love had bloomed between them. It just had. As far as Rhonda could tell, it had begun when she had taken the bus one afternoon. It had been crowded, and Arnold, being the gentleman he always is, had offered to share his seat with her. It didn't take long for the two of them to start sharing stories about when they were kids, reminiscing about the adventures they had had, and the two of them had become liken to old friends in no time at all. The bus ride had ended entirely too quickly, phone numbers were exchanged, and that night, for the first time in more years than she cared to count, Rhonda Wellington Lloyd had called a boy. She always preferred that they call her, such was the order of things. Being the ruler of the school's beautiful people, it was up to the various boys of her class to seek her favors, not the other way around. But this had been entirely too important to play games over. Rhonda knew she couldn't risk letting whatever this was slip away. This was her chance to dream. A hastily arranged date was made for that evening, an embrace on the front porch of his dilapidated boarding house, and their fate was sealed. They were one. Two souls lacking something that could be found again whenever they were together. Truly, it had been a blessing from some higher power or order. Arnold was air. Someone to save her when she was drowning at the top. Someone who dared to liberate Rhonda Wellington Lloyd from the trappings of high society. She had always had the money and the stature to do whatever she pleased. But now, she had something to look forward to. Life at the top was not nearly so glamorous as most chose to believe. It had actually grown rather dull and tedious, save for the occasional shopping trip out of the country. Arnold had reminded her of a world that she had forgotten about sometime in middle school. And ever since, she had been determined to keep one foot in both worlds. Rich and poor, elite and common. Everything had been going so well. Even her darling parents had accepted Arnold, for a time. But the truth soon came to light; Arnold made a fine boyfriend, but he was not considered to be a proper suitor. At the time, she had been presented with the option of breaking things off with Arnold or a suitable fiancée would be chosen for her. Arnold, of course, had agreed to the breakup so as to spare Rhonda from having to make a painful and equally complicated decision. Arnold was always doing that sort of thing, falling on his own sword if it would save someone else's life. Goodness knew how often he had tried to do so for Helga over the years, not that she would ever let him. Maybe it was somehow right for Arnold to end up with that girl. But still, Rhonda could not help wondering what she and Arnold had done to each other in that horrible, unjust breakup. Had he driven her into the arms of Helga? Was his desperation so great the he welcomed Helga's affections despite what she had done to him? And was it too late for her? Was it even possible to rekindle a love that had been so special, so fragile? They had been known for so long as the princess and the pauper, the class couple. But was it only high school love? Was Helga only high school love? Which of the two could be considered real?
Rhonda's thoughts turned to Helga, the powerful girl with blonde hair who seemed to take no prisoners, in life and in love, and she shivered. Perhaps Helga was Arnold's girl after all. Like herself, Helga had blonde hair, and was extremely leggy, and despite her usually demeanor, Rhonda granted that Helga obviously loved the boy. She had dedicated her life to his pursuit, even tricking him into marriage in a desperate attempt to prove herself. She was a fighter, which prompted Rhonda to wonder about what could possibly have happened between those two. Why would Helga Pataki, who had risked it all to be with Arnold, suddenly back down, willing to lose everything? And what was yet to come? This tapestry that was unfolding between the three of them seemed to be a work in progress, being woven with each move they made. If only one of them could be with Arnold, then Rhonda knew it had to be her. She would not give up Arnold. Not to Helga. Not while she still had strength in her to fight.
There had been enough delays, enough excuses to put off the inevitable. Rhonda turned away from the water, beginning a slow but steady walk back to the home Arnold and Helga had made for themselves. It was time for her to hear the rest of Arnold's story. And ultimately, time for the man she adored to choose which girl was truly right for him.
OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
Helga awoke in the middle of the night with a start. Nothing had changed. It was dark, the walls of the room still holding the same warmth as they had when she had finally dropped off next to Arnold, hours ago. She knew she couldn't make it through the night. The stars above, shining through the skylight, seemed to be haunting her, asking her questions she could never answer. Arnold, Arnold, Arnold. Why did it always have to be him? Hadn't fifteen years of longing been enough? Couldn't she make her heart settle for someone else? What was the point of continuing on this path? Even if she could get Arnold to forgive her, he certainly wasn't going to fall for her. If anything, she had probably only succeeded in pushing him farther away from her. So why, then, had she gone to all this trouble?
"I don't know why." Helga whispered to the stars. "It just has to be you, Arnold. You're the only person I know who has the ability to make me real. Who forces me to engage the better parts of myself. . .when you're not looking, anyway. I don't wish myself on you, honest. I know what I am. I'm a giant pain in the ass. Everyone thinks so. Even my own parents see me as this big burden they have to put up with. Maybe it's just rotten luck that you get the dubious honor of being the only man I could ever love. I guess if that hasn't changed by now, it just isn't going to. I wish I could act normally around you." Helga cursed herself, clenching the sheet in her hands. "I try, I really do! But I just can't help myself! There's just something inside me that won't let you know the truth! I guess I've decided that I'd rather spend my entire life pining over you, wondering if we ever had a future. Because it's less painful than getting the inevitable rejection. I can't ever hear that horrible truth. I need to be able to keep kidding myself, Arnold. I need to have my fantasy to escape into whenever life gets too real for me. It's how I cope, how I stay alive. Funny how this is all I ever wanted. I just wanted to spend the night with you. I want to spend my life with you, make you happy. But I can't even allow myself to be happy. Every time I'm on the verge of ending this horrid cycle of torture I put us through, I let myself fall back in. And maybe this is it. You said it yourself. You're going away. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let you go because you haven't succeeded yet. You haven't saved me. And I know you want to. I know that you can see right through me. You've always known how full of shit I am and you never call me on it? Why are you always so nice to me? Why do you always let me clothe myself in my lies? Why, when you know you could make me own up to the truth any time you please? I know you like me, Arnold. I know you care about me. It may not be the same way I feel about you, but it's still there! But you still won't do it, will you? You won't ever force me to play it straight with you! Is that why I am reduced to this? Pouring my heart out to you while you sleep, praying that some part of you can hear me! You have to do it, Arnold. You must know by now that I just can't do it willingly. I've tried so hard, but I just can't do it. So I'm begging you to do what I can't! Because like it or not, there is no woman on this earth who will ever love you like I do! There never will be! And if any girl dares to think she can compete with the intensity of my emotions, then she's a fool, or a liar, and a big one at that! Let your Ruth, or you Lila, or your Summer, or your Nadine, or your precious Rhonda try! And I will teach them the true meaning of love! The horrors of love that stretches on for infinity, never answered, never reciprocating, always hoping, always alone. It's never satisfied, never sated. And I will go on loving you long after I'm dead and buried and my name has been forgotten along with the rest of the flotsam and jetsam of our generation. I'm counting on you, Arnold. Save me from myself, please!"
OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
Author's Notes
Wow, what a week I've had. I got sick, my mother had surgery on her spine, and I just finished a grueling four rounds in the New England Invitational (a Pro Mini-Golf tournament) before coming home to write the majority of this chapter, I've been so busy. And now I'm tired. In fact, I had to go take a nap before finishing this thing. I'm only human!
I wanted to thank everyone who responded to the last chapter. It's been a long time since I've gotten that many reviews, and it really helped to lift my spirits. This was a tough week to get through, and I practically crawled out of work on Friday night. Recently, my hours changed for the better. At long last, I have a Monday-Friday schedule. The downside is, I used to dedicate Fridays to writing, so I have to sacrifice a lot more now to get these chapters out. Nevertheless, I intend to keep writing this story. I'll make it work somehow. I don't anticipate having to miss updates, but it may happen every now and again. I can tell you that I will definitely have to put this story on hiatus for a brief period come December, but that will be so that I can work on Ceremony Of Innocence, which I expect to have available on Christmas morning if all goes according to plan. Consider it my gift to all my loyal fans who are always there with encouragement and support when I'm drowning.
Getting back to Instant Gratification, I have to say that the entire Arnold/Helga scene I put together for this chapter made me very proud. I really feel like I hit one out of the park with that scene, but I won't know for certain until after you've read it. I'm really anxious to hear people's thoughts on that, so I hope you'll share. If you're too shy to review, send me an e-mail or IM. I've also recently joined the MSN Group Arnold's Room. I'm known there as Lord Malachite, but a lot of people are probably referring to me as "that guy who keeps buying up all the HA cels and production art." But seriously, there are lots of different ways to get in touch with me, so don't be a stranger.
I guess this is a good time to answer some questions that popped up. I'm not going to address anyone by name as part of my new CYA (look it up online if you're not sure what that one means) policy, but I believe this should address any questions I got in reviews. If you feel I missed you, ask again, and I'll make sure to get you next time.
I can't tell you all what the pairing is in Ceremony Of Innocence. It takes place after The Sweet Hereafter and Say You Will, so it follows the events of those stories and will pick up a few loose strings. As for Helga, we'll be seeing her about ten months out from the events of Valentine's Day. Lila will be featured prominently in this story (feel free to boo and hiss any time) but as to whether this is a pairing between Arnold and Lila, or Arnold and Helga, well, that would just be giving away the whole story, now wouldn't it? I can tell you that Helga is no less an important character than Lila, but you'll just have to wait for the answer.
As for Helga in Instant Gratification, there's so much of her in me that it's usually very painful for me to write her. I watch her, in the show, in fanfics, and even in my own works. . .making many of the same mistakes I've made. I put a lot of myself into her when writing. That's what made parts of The Sweet Hereafter so painful for me to write, I was exorcising a lot of my own demons. When I began this story, I think I needed a change, because I was just so emotionally exhausted after finishing my last one. It played a large part in my waiting for so long before jumping into my second epic HA fic. This one still has a long way to go. And to be honest, I don't know if I have another major HA story in me. I do have another story I have to tell besides this one and Ceremony, but I don't expect it to be more than ten chapters max. I love these characters, writing them is usually a pure joy. And I'm not about to retire yet. But at the same time, I don't want to risk repeating myself, or worse, being one of those writers that people talk about in chatrooms, the kind who "used to be great but now he/she is just okay."
Just a quick note to one of my most faithful reviewers, Rhonda isn't in Arnold's presence at the moment, so it would be pretty hard for her to jump him!
And as for who Arnold will end up with in the end. . .(drumroll please). . . . . . .okay, I admit it! I've always known from the beginning what the ending is. I know exactly which girl ends up with Arnold, for what reasons, how it happens, etc. I've planned it out intimately. And I'm not telling you. I can count on one hand the number of people that know, and I intend to keep it at that number. I want it to remain a very well-guarded secret. I know, I'm cruel and a tease, but you'll thank me for it later. Or hate me for it. I can live with it either way.
Okay, what else is there to say? I'm sorry the chapter was a little sparse this time. I didn't feel like doing anything with Ginger, I wanted to focus on Arnold and Helga for some reason. Then again, those two are the reason almost everyone is reading this, so I doubt anyone is disappointed that I gave them half the chapter. I gave you all a double dose of Helga this chapter, but I was feeling pretty good. I also felt that she'd been getting the short end of the stick lately, so I decided to give her some time in the spotlight. I doubt I'll get many complaints about that. Sid and Nadine will return, quite possibly next week. I've got something huge planned with Nadine, so everyone hold their breath. Well, okay, maybe it's not that big. But I think it's going to be a lot of fun, and I'm really looking forward to it. Are there any Nadine fans out there? Raise your hands or something when you review! I'll probably also sneak Carl in if I get a chance, I'll see what my writing allows for. Arnold, Helga, and Rhonda are always the primary characters, so everyone else has to compete for space as I have it. I haven't forgotten about Gerald or Phoebe, either, it's just that I haven't yet reached the point where I can reintroduce them into the story. Should be within a few chapters, I wouldn't dream of leaving them out. They're important factors in the lives of Arnold and Helga, respectively, and they have important roles to play as the story continues to unfold.
Okay, I've officially been talking for a really long time, but it's been awhile since I've put up more than cursory author's notes and begging for reviews, so I was due. You all know what's coming. Send your questions, comments, compliments, complaints, love letters, death threats, marriage proposals, and ransom demands to:
Lord Malachite
09/19/05
5:11AM, EST
E-mail: ranger(underscore)writer(at)yahoo(dot)com
AIM: Asukaphile26