Chapter 14

Susie was beginning to transform their lives. When Christian first met her, he thought she spoke a different language, he could use computers but when people started using jargon and lingo he tended to zone out. She ran Syed's office and it was pretty clear who was boss – while she deferred to him on business decisions when it came to organising things, she took no prisoners and was not above telling him if she thought he was being inefficient with his time. She told him where to go and when and made sure he did it. She wasn't actually hostile to Christian, but she clearly saw him as a possible intrusion to her working relationship with Syed and a distraction to his working life.

Christian was a bit worried about her "helping" him; he had a personal relationship with all his clients and was worried how they would take to someone else in the mix. So when she came to the house talking about databases and apps and things that meant absolutely nothing to him he was downright scared. Syed persuaded him to give her a try, she promised him faithfully that if he wasn't happy she would put everything back the way it was, but she had such a smug look on her face he guessed she had made that sort of promise before and never had it put to the test.

So he had let her take away a copy of his appointment book and customer list and she had done her magic. She organised everything, so that all he had to do when he met his clients was push a few buttons on his phone and Susie took care of everything else from appointments to the tax man. On top of that the clients loved her, she was efficient and available and his confidence in her grew. If she couldn't sort things out during the working day she would have no hesitation coming over to see them both in the evening and she sometimes stayed on for dinner. The more she saw them together, the more she warmed to Christian, saw how his relaxed attitude to life was actually good for Syed, and that he was there for the long term. And so it was that slots started to appear in their diaries for "Chryed" time.

It was after one such late morning that Christian was clearing up from a lazy breakfast in bed, Syed had just left for a meeting and he had an hour before he needed to leave for his first client and the doorbell went.

He opened the door, and immediately pulled his dressing gown tighter around himself.

"Zainab! I'm afraid you've just missed Sy, he's left for work. I can call him if you like."

"No, no, I saw him go. It was you I wanted to talk to."

"Oh come in, let me get you a coffee while I get dressed."

He poured a coffee and went into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt took a deep breath before going to face Syed's mother.

True to form she was in the kitchen finishing off the dishes and clearly looking for signs of neglect. He stacked the dishes away, refilled her cup and they sat opposite each other at the breakfast bar.

"Is it true?" she asked

"Is what true?"

"When Syed said at Jane's wedding that you waited for him, is it true, did you and he…"

"Zainab, I really think you should be talking to Syed about all of this."

"Why Christian, when he has lied to me for years. How do I know that he will tell me the truth?"

"Has he lied, or have you ever stopped to listen to him?"

"Is it true?"

"Yes it's true; we were together for five months."

"And who broke it off?"

"He did, one day he said he loved me, the next he broke it off."

"He said he loved you? And you, did you love him?"

"Yes, I did then, and I do now."

"So if he loved you, why did he break it off."

"Because he wasn't ready to admit to himself he was gay. It was the night of Masood's accident; he said it was a judgment from Allah."

"That's crazy."

"Well I thought so too at the time but you know Sy, when he gets something in his head…"

"So… this was going on while he was engaged to Amira, is that why you suddenly disappeared to Barcelona without warning? You couldn't bear to see him happily married, to accept that he wasn't gay then."

"Not gay! Zainab being gay is not something you catch, you either are or you are not, and Syed was gay then, as he is now. Happy? Is that what he was? I'm not going to lie to you, I did try and persuade him to leave with me; I even thought about stopping the wedding, but I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't take him out him in front of his family or take away his dream life. In the end I loved him enough to let him go. I knew he was making a mistake, but I thought with me out of the picture he would have a better chance to try and make it work."

"But you did come back into his life and you did take him away from his family."

Christian shook his head. "No Zainab, he told you the truth, you couldn't handle it and you cut him off from his family. Syed wants to remain close to you all, but he also wants you to accept him for who he is. He set himself free, he came looking for me, and because he was ready I came back into his life. All I want is for him to be happy."

She sat for a while taking in what she had heard.

"Would you do it again Christian; do you still love him enough to let him go? If the only thing that stood between Syed and his children was you, would you leave?"

Christian got up and walked to the window trying to curb his anger, he thought about just opening the door and ushering her out. He should have known better than even engage in conversation with Zainab, he should have known that she had some twisted motive for being here.

"Do you want to punish him so badly Zainab?". She remained stubbornly silent.

"Well to answer your question. I will always do what I think is right for Sy. So it depends. If the purpose is to pop him back into the closet, to go back into an existence that would make him miserable, then the answer is no, I will fight you tooth and nail all the way. If however it would give him access to his kids and still let him be all that he can be then yeah, I would step back and give him some space to do it. But I have to tell you Zainab, if I did I can't say how he would react, and I would always be there for him. Sy and I were meant to be. So what is it that you are suggesting? What is it that you want me to do?"

"Nothing. I just needed to know."

"Know what?"

"I love my son, it has been difficult for me to accept that for all that he and I we have lived in each other's pockets since the day he came to Walford I have never really known him. You, who have hardly seen him, you seem to know him. Family is important Christian; I don't want Syed's children growing up knowing as little about their father as it seems that I do. If I am going to fight for him to have access to his children I needed to know more about him, and it seems that to do that I need to know about you."