Tato Potato, thank you so much! I'm really happy you're enjoying it and I really appreciate your reviews.
ETWentHome, thank you for your review. I didn't want to leave Ethan without support for a minute longer!
CBloom2, not much longer to wait now! Thank you for sticking with the story - and for all your reviews.
Tanith Panic, I'm not sure which door you mean, but as long as you're enjoying it, I'm happy! Thank you for the review.
Even now she was no longer clinical lead, Zoe's desk was piled high with files, papers, and a couple of shoeboxes. There was nowhere to put their cups of tea and Zoe mounted a swift reorganisation process which seemed completely haphazard, but Ethan suspected it was not an accident that a box of tissues ended up next to him on the desk. He appreciated the thought even though it embarrassed him, but he'd got himself under control now and he hoped that tissues would not be needed.
"Okay, Ethan: I appreciate this won't be easy for you," said Zoe. "So take your time."
Ethan nodded. He had no idea how he was going to start, but Zoe looked so kind and sympathetic, Ethan ended up telling her the whole story, starting from when Cal had decided to take some time off. Zoe listened, nodded understandingly and threw in the occasional comment or question, but mostly she let Ethan talk.
Ethan tried to pretend Cal was a patient rather than his brother and this helped him to present the facts clearly and with minimum emotion. It only became difficult when he confessed everything he'd said to Cal before leaving him. "A lot of it was true and Cal probably needed to hear it, but it wasn't the right time. He was so upset already and I doubt he was in any state to take it in. A lot of the time when I speak to him, I'm not even sure he understands me. Even simple things."
"Cal does sound very unhappy," said Zoe. "You've done a lot to help him and a lot of people wouldn't have done anything like as much. But don't forget you've been through a lot too, Ethan. You're human as I said and you have emotions. You're not going to be able to control them all the time. I'm sure Cal understands that."
"I'm just so worried about what he might be doing now," said Ethan. "He could be anywhere and he's not thinking clearly at all. What if he does something to hurt himself?"
"Then that would be very sad and very worrying," said Zoe, "but it wouldn't be your fault. You can't take responsibility for everything Cal does. He's an adult. He was showing signs of reckless behaviour before you told him a few home truths so anything he does could easily have happened anyway. But the thing about Cal is when he gets into trouble, he always wants your help. So if he does do anything, I'm sure he'll tell you and then we'll be able to help him. Do you think there's any chance Cal might agree to a psych referral?"
Ethan started to say no, but then he stopped. "He might. He just wants to feel better. He might be willing to try anything."
"Then that's something you can discuss with him when the moment seems right," said Zoe. "Or I can do it if you think it would be better coming from someone outside the family. I'll sign Cal off from work officially and we'll see how he goes. But now we need to talk about you, Ethan. I accept your reasons for leaving the hospital - though if it happens again, perhaps you could let me know first – and I'll tell Connie you've spoken to me and there's no need to investigate any further. But you are struggling, Ethan, aren't you?"
Ethan gave a reluctant nod.
"And that's understandable," said Zoe. "A professional crisis of confidence is very difficult, even when your brother isn't having a nervous breakdown."
Ethan's head jerked upwards. "Do you think he is?"
"I didn't mean that literally," said Zoe, a bit too quickly. "But let's talk about you for now. Ethan, we agreed that you should continue to come to work so you could prove to yourself – you don't need to prove anything to anyone else because we know you're capable – that you can still do this job. But if you'd rather take some time off, I'm sure we can sort something out."
"No, I'd rather keep working." Ethan hadn't even needed to think about that. The only way of rebuilding his confidence was to put himself in similar situations and try different ways of dealing with them. But then he thought of something and felt despondent. "But maybe I should take some time off to look after Cal."
Zoe shook her head firmly. "No, Ethan. Forget about Cal for a minute. If you'd rather keep working then that's what you should do. We'll support you all we can and I'm sure that soon, you'll be able to work on your own again."
"But what about Cal?" Ethan asked in a choked voice.
"Cal will be okay," said Zoe. "It'll probably take him a bit of time, but he always lands on his feet eventually."
Ethan couldn't stop his eyes from flooding with tears. "Only because I'm there to catch him."
Cal sat, gripping a glass of water and told himself there was no reason to throw it at the TV. That would be stupid. All it would do was create more stress for Ethan and that was the one thing Cal definitely didn't want to do.
It wasn't as though the TV or the glass were in any way to blame. Cal had made the decision to watch daytime television. He'd also made the decision not to change the channel when he realised the programme was about fraudulent charities and how to spot them.
He'd hoped the programme might help bring home to him how badly Taylor had behaved and how unscrupulous she really was, but it only made him aware of the many clues he'd missed. Cal knew he wasn't stupid. He'd gone to medical school. But where Taylor was concerned, his brains seemed to be complete mush.
Now he was so angry with himself for being so stupid, he wanted to break something. Ideally more than one thing. But he knew he mustn't. He'd caused enough damage and Ethan would be the one who picked up the literal and figurative pieces because he always did.
Cal wiped his eyes, released a shaky breath and picked up the remote control. He wouldn't watch anymore. He'd switch off the TV, sort himself out and by then it would be time to start cooking.
He'd hoped to have Ethan's favourite dinner ready as soon as his brother walked through the door. That was what Ethan would have done. But Cal realised he'd messed up the timings slightly and everything seemed to take slightly longer today. He had to be careful about chopping food because his hands were a bit shaky and he lost concentration a couple of times and nearly made a mistake, but considering what a mess he'd been in earlier, he wasn't doing too badly.
He was relieved when the food was finally in the oven. As long as he'd set the timer correctly, there wasn't anything that could go wrong now. He left the kitchen and went to sit on the sofa.
And remembered the last time he'd cooked a special dinner for someone.
Keep it together, Cal! Keep it together for Ethan!
But he was having trouble even thinking about Ethan now.