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Chapter 14- Sacrifice
Sam stood watching Andy as she spun around frantically letting her eyes search through the crowd.
Would he ever learn not to underestimate her, or accept the fact that the universe would continue to conspire against them?
No matter what their plans were, or their ideas, it always seemed to get blown to crap, so how did he expect to leave without saying goodbye? Why did he even bother to entertain the idea that he would be able to slip away without have to put her through the heartbreaking motions of actually doing it?
He watched as her mouth seemed to form words, but the sound was drowned out by the noise of the crowd.
Silently she whirled around, her hand clamped over her lips as though her fingertips were holding back a gasp or a cry or a sob.
Her hair bounced around, some loose strands escaping the elastic band she no doubtedly pulled up hastily into what he assumed was meant to be a bun.
She kept spinning in all directions not giving up, although her face began to betray the look of fear and regret she now held.
She looked lost, defeated almost.
Walking towards her, he dropped his bag down on the floor, the sound of it too unheard as it hit the tiles. She had her back facing him, still holding onto the hope that there was a chance she would find him by looking in the direction of the gate that was now boarding passengers.
Sam gently put his hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump and step forwards as she turned at the same time.
For as long as Sam lived, he would not forget the joy that surged over her broken features as her eyes took him in and her brain registered seeing him. For all of eternity he would remember the way her face lit up and her eyes glazed over, before she snapped out of her initial shock and a slow smile made its way across her lips as she stepped forward rather tentevly.
Andy noticed Sam holding his arms out to the sides lifting them ever so slightly, inviting her closer without saying a word.
He didn't have to wait long for her answer, as she suddenly lunged forwards nearly knocking them both over.
"I didn't say it back". She mumbled into the crook of his neck as she held on tightly.
Sam wasn't quite sure what she meant, but nodded anyway.
A few feet away, a voice whispered "I thought she wasn't gonna be here", as their eyes took in the sight.
"Sammy said he didn't want her here, it would be too hard, so I dunno, she must have figured it out".
Sam looked up at that moment to meet the five sets of eyes watching them, when everything fell into place.
He tried booking in for his flight, but was told there was a problem with his ticket, that it had been changed to a nine am flight, in someone else's name.
The guy behind the info counter refused to give up the name of the new ticket holder, sighting it was against policy.
Sam couldn't flash his badge, coz he no longer had one. He returned it to Frank with his letter of resignation and signed transfer papers that were in the white envelope he asked Oliver to pass on.
His phone was off, left in his bedside drawer at his house, so calling Sally was out of the question.
It was then, when he was looking for a payphone to call Frank that he saw Andy circling around outside the departures gate amidst the supporters and family of the leaving Leaf's team.
Gently squeezing Andy, Sam ran his hands up her arms and gently pushed her away.
"No matter what happens, you've always got me". Sam said as he looked at her before letting his eyes move over to what he wanted her to see.
Or rather who.
He instinctively knew that today she was still getting her heart broken, now it was just going to be ripped out and shredded on a whole new level.
Andy eyes Sam, before letting her eyes follow in the direction his line of sight was cast in.
Andy turned, and felt the relief she felt at finding Sam suddenly rush out of her as her heart plummeted and hit the ground before shattering.
"No". She managed to whisper, as a hand came up to wipe away a strand of hair that had fallen over her eyes.
She was shaking her head violently as she let a long sad breath leave her lips.
"Got a minute?". Traci asked as she stepped closer, leaving her mother to stand with Leo and Noelle and a few bags.
"Don't...". Andy whispered out a little more broken than she intended it to sound.
Sam still had his hand on her shoulder, and gave her a light squeeze before motioning towards the coffee shop off to the right as he bent down and picked up his bag, before walking over to the others as they fell in step with him.
"Andy...".
"Trace...". They both spoke at the same time.
"Andy, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, and it was only approved yesterday afternoon, so we had to pack...". Traci started as she kept her eyes down, as though she was afraid to see Andy's reaction.
"You traded?". Andy sort of yelled out, drawing a few ghosted stares from people in the terminal.
"I love you Andy, you're my best friend, but I can't stay here and do this anymore" Traci's tone was sharp, but wrapped in truth as a sudden flash of sorrow crossed her face.
"Do what Trace?".
"This, work, life here. Its not the same without Jerry. Its hard, its sad and this is my way of stopping Sam from doing the right thing, but making the biggest mistake of his life. Andy, this is my second chance, and its one for you and Sam...". Traci's words ended with a sob as she found the tears she was so desperately fighting were breaking free.
"Trace, what about Leo, you can't take him on this kind of UC with you!". Andy's concern for the child was evident as she suddenly voiced her biggest concern.
"Its okay, they shuffled us around, they're putting someone else in my place, and I'm gonna be keeping the detective status. I'm investigating, and carding, and interrogating, that's it".
Andy couldn't help the burst of pride that ran through her for her friend. She was an awesome cop, an even better detective, but most of all she was the worlds greatest mom.
"This is my chance Andy, its a huge pay raise, a good school for Leo, and my mom can go too, this is a new life for all of us, and for you guys too. I want this, and I need to do this, I can't be here without Jerry, I love you guys, but its just...empty you know".
Andy knew exactly what she meant, it was the way she felt when she was UC even though she had Nick.
"I know, but Trace, you don't have to do this, Sam is willing to take it..."
"To stop it from being you Andy. Don't you get what he would do for you? You have the chance to actually keep that now, and I know you want it, so let me do this okay? Some mistakes haunt you for the rest of you're life, so do some choices, but this...this feels right, this is the not something I'm ever gonna regret".
Traci's mind was made up, her arguments solid.
Andy nodded, knowing that there was no way she would change her mind now.
"Promise me you'll stay in touch Trace, like once a week, and come visit, and...". Andy let her words trail off, her tears breaking free as her lip found its way between her teeth.
"Once a week, and no matter what happens, I still love you". Traci said pulling Andy in for a hug.
Sam sat at the table, facing them as they said their goodbye.
He was still cast in a shadow of stunned shock that Nash was doing this.
Jerry would have been so proud of her right now, the thought caused a sad tug at his heartstrings as his mind dusted over his gone friend.
Life had taken many different turns since Jerry died, but they were righting themselves as time moved on.
He felt a strange sense of pride wash over him as he watched Nash wipe away her tears.
She was stepping up to the plate, taking life head on and winning.
"Um... Officer Swarek". Mrs Nash whispered as she leaned in towards Sam while Noelle and Leo talked away about how awesome their new life was going to be.
"Thank you". She whispered, a sad smile gracing her aged face.
She reached out and gave Sam's hand a soft squeeze before pulling it away.
Sam knew she was thanking him for looking out for Nash and Leo by taking the late calls and keeping her from selected cases. She was thanking him for the times he showed up after Andy left, to drag them out to dinner when Traci hit rock bottom and could barely get out of bed for work. It was for the times he sent her home with a new toy for Leo coz it caught his attention in the store window, and for the time he went out when she called for a flat tire.
Her eyes sparkled as she looked to the woman before looking back at him, a sigh escaping as her mind wheeled searching for words.
"I've waited a long time for this, she's ready you know". She said, leaving Sam to ponder her words as she stood up when Traci and Andy walked over.
The next few minutes were spent in tears, Traci thanking Noelle for being there when she needed a friend. Andy was kneeling down hugging Leo and whispering in his ear, as she let her eyes stay fixed on Traci. Next she said bye to Mrs Nash, before grabbing Traci in another long hug.
Traci had stepped up to Sam, giving him an unexpected hug, and saying a heartfelt thank you before mumbling a look after her before pulling away.
He smiled and said a rather loud thank you to her, so much meaning behind two simple words.
When their flight was announced as boarding, Traci and Andy were clinging to eachother all the way up to the security check before Traci eventually pried herself away.
Sam and Andy watched as Traci and her family walked through the gate, disappearing from sight as they set out to start a new life.
Sam had his arm wrapped around Andy, as she trembled, riddled with a new kind of sadness.
Pulling her close, he whispered three short words in her ear.
He felt Andy tense under his hand as it rested on her back.
Andy had come racing across the city to see him one last time, to get a chance to say goodbye, and instead she was confronted with the ultimate loss simply because her best friend decided that she was willing to make a sacrifice based on her own personal desire to break free of the dark cloud of sadness she found herself wrapped up in, and for the love of a friend.
"I didn't say it back, when you said it, and I couldn't let you go without hearing it…I just wanted…to say it back" Andy's words came out broken as she pulled away looking Sam in the eye.
"Andy if you weren't here now, you wouldn't have had the chance to say goodbye" he knew his words were not comforting enough, but he had to try.
"I know, and I love her more for it….. she gave up her life here, partly for us Sam, what are we supposed to even do with that? I mean its…its…."
"Andy, we make it work, and don't let her efforts go to waste" somewhere in the back of his mind he knew she needed reassurance, because now things had changed, he was staying and she needed to know that on his side he was gonna be putting up that fight.
"Do you mean that?" Andy had her lip between her teeth, a hand moving up to fiddle with her hair as she shifted from foot to foot.
She was nervous and hesitant, but he didn't blame her.
"Every single word of it" Sam said with a smile.
And he did.
Leading Andy through the crowd by her hand, he wished that their lives would be simple, less heartbreaking, because although she seemed okay now, tonight or tomorrow, Andy would be inconsolable when she started her day without her best friend.
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Jelly Bean Jenna©