A/N: Honestly, at this point I'm not sure I can thank the list of people who have helped me along with this story. You all know who you are and what you've done and I'm positive you can see bits and pieces of your influence as you read. And I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Just as a reminder, because I pulled lyrics from it again, the song I'm referencing here is Replace Me by Andrew Belle. It's on his EP All the Pretty Lights, which I recommend giving a good listen if you haven't because it's fantastic.

Disclaimer: See previouslies.

Chapter Fourteen: Stacking Loser on Top of Loser

Rachel put her hands on her hips as she surveyed the sheer number of boxes on the floor of her childhood bedroom. They were piled everywhere and she wondered how it was possible she had so much stuff. Her and Charlie's apartment was not that big. It hadn't seemed that full of crap, either, so what was she to think?

Maybe Charlie didn't actually live there. Maybe Rachel had dreamed up Charlie.

Maybe…maybe…maybe…

She shook her head as she heard the wailing of her phone from so far inside her purse that she couldn't even identify the ringtone. Her head was just so many places all at once. As she unearthed the phone and the ringing stopped, she frowned. If she was going to keep missing calls she would have to get a new purse because that was unacceptable in her current line of work (read: technically none).

The missed call list said she had missed Kurt's call and she breathed out, relaxing a little. Kurt had been nagging her endlessly for the last three days since he had dropped Finn in Columbus (which was still two hours in the wrong direction for him, but as an only child, Rachel supposed she didn't actually understand anything about brotherly obligation and she wasn't sure she had the cell phone minutes to ask Kurt for an explanation).

Truth be told, though, there was only one phone call she actually wanted to take. But it wouldn't do any good to focus too much on that, now would it? She didn't have any control over that. She repeated the self-help mantra (some called it the Lord's Prayer—and she was usually far too exhausted to ask them how that worked because maybe Jews just prayed differently) in her head. God grant me the serenity to change the things I can and accept those I can't.

So when the phone rang again from her palm, blaring out one of the factory ringtones, she startled visibly. Then she looked down to see Finn's name on the screen and if it were possible, her heartbeat sped up even more.

She accepted the call and brought the phone to her ear, desperately wishing any of the training about how to 'play it cool' would kick in. "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Rachel?" A female voice asked. The pitch sounded vaguely familiar, but Rachel still couldn't place it exactly.

"Speaking," she replied slowly. The phone had said Finn's number, hadn't it? She fought the urge to pull the phone away from her ear and check.

"It's Katie Jackson," the voice said.

Rachel's memory searched for just a second and landed on a tall, beautiful and sassy girl. Finn's friend. Married to… she couldn't remember the other guy's name. "Um, hi. You're calling from Finn's phone?"

She laughed. "I may or may not have taken it from him during staff meeting when he went back for a second donut."

"Oo…kay."

"Look, here's the deal. You know I teach with Finn, right?"

"Right," Rachel acknowledged. She was still confused.

"Well, he's the physical education teacher and he's damn good at it, except when we have to teach some basic ballroom dancing. And because I haven't had hip surgery, I'm the teacher out of fourth through sixth grades who gets to help him demonstrate. He's not so good at it and I think he would way rather you could help him out because you won't rip his head off. Plus…you know, maybe it would set the kids at ease. You're closer to their size than he and I are."

Rachel laughed out loud. She couldn't exactly argue that. She had long ago stopped feeling small because of her stature and had just started wearing heels—as tall as necessary—whenever she needed to. Still, she couldn't argue. "Well…when are you doing this?"

"The end of next week. Thursday and Friday afternoons," Katie said. "And I knew Finn probably wouldn't call and ask you himself. I interfere; it's what I do."

Rachel thought twice before she asked the question. It sounded needy and girly and catty and…she was not particularly any of those things. Well, she tried not to be the first one. The other two depended on the situation. In the end, she just went with it but she had to swallow hard against a dry throat to get the question out. "Does he want me there?"

Katie paused. Honestly, if the previous question about Finn's happiness the other night at the bar hadn't sealed the deal, this would have. Every question Katie had ever had about Quinn, and maybe why Finn hadn't totally settled down with her, was answered while dealing with Rachel. Quinn was more into a tableau than feelings, wanting things to appear perfect and then arguing when her will wasn't met. With two well-placed questions, Rachel had proved she was the opposite, at least about Finn; she felt first and didn't care how that looked. Katie kind of wondered how someone could wear their heart on their sleeve all the way to Rachel's age without being bitter, jaded, and having that quality ruined. Then again, she had wondered the same thing about Finn, too. Katie tried to soften herself down to Rachel's level. At the same time, she had to be honest.

"He hasn't said as much," she started slowly.

Rachel felt a small, sharp stab of disappointment, but she brushed it off quickly. "Well, then thank you for the invitation but…I'm…" she raised a shaking hand to her forehead. "No."

"Really?" Katie asked. "You're just…I mean, that wasn't the vibe I got from watching you guys."

Rachel sat down on her bed, perching daintily on the green microfiber comforter her dads had filled the space with once she'd one-hundred-percent moved out. "What do you mean?"

"You want him," Katie said simply.

Rachel sighed. "I don't know you," she said slowly. "But…I don't want him like that unless he chooses it. I'm not going to say a word about it."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Katie said, her voice sharp. "He's not great with decisions. Or girls."

Rachel gave a small chuckle. "Yeah, I know. But…but he had his hand forced by someone else for a long time. Plus, that relationship has barely ended. Forgive me for not being convinced it's over; he's gone back to her before." Rachel gave a small sigh. "Not to mention the fact that just wanting has had some very, very bad results for us in the past. The wanting needs to be paired with something more, and if it's going to come with misery then I'm afraid I just refuse."

"What do you mean?" Katie asked. She wasn't following. She switched the phone to her other ear and balanced it on her shoulder. So, talking to Rachel was turning out to be a lot different from talking to Finn. Rachel used actual sentences and paragraphs. It took actual attention to hold a conversation with her.

"Everything is just so complicated," Rachel said a little sadly. "The greater the intimacy is it seems the greater the complication."

"Well," Katie said slowly. "He's taken some steps lately to uncomplicate it, hasn't he?"

Rachel sighed. She barely even knew this girl. She was not that comfortable opening up to her. "Maybe," she offered. "I need to go but…thank you for the invitation."

"All right," Katie said simply.

"Oh, and Katie?" Rachel said.

"Yeah?"

"You said the other night that Finn had mentioned the song?" Rachel asked.

"Yes. But he still hasn't let me hear it," she replied.

"Well…maybe if he's talking to about any of this you should hear it. Just to kind of…know. Maybe that will help him kind of explain it all. If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that he doesn't have the words to explain any of it."

"Are you going to tell me where to find it, then?" Katie said simply, choking back the chuckle that threatened when she realized Rachel was exactly right. "You've written more than a few songs according to Google."

Rachel, for her part just laughed, told her to switch out the stolen phone for a stolen iPod, and gave her the song info. Once they hung up, Rachel realized she wasn't sure if she wanted Katie to call her back once she'd listened, or if she just preferred the other girl talk to Finn about it all.

It hadn't been difficult for Katie to steal Finn's iPod. She knew it wouldn't be from the second she saw him at the smallish kitchen counter, a bottle of Captain Morgan's open beside him and a purple square of paper sitting in front of him. The bottle was nearly half empty and he was kind of staring off into space, using his index finger to absentmindedly twirl the paper around and around. She eyed him curiously for only a minute before she just continued through the kitchen and down the hall into the bedroom he was staying in.

She recognized it was a total invasion of his privacy, but it wasn't like she actually cared about that kind of stuff on the whole. His iPod sat on the tall bureau of drawers in the bedroom, tossed haphazardly with his keys. It took her a second to untangle the headphones from the four keys where the cord was woven, but not too long. She thought about just leaving his phone there, a tit-for-tat sort of exchange, but decided against it. She had a feeling she would listen to the song and then try talking to him anyway. She might as well own up to stealing the phone in the first place—it was the least she could do since he was already losing his mind.

She went into her own bedroom and closed the door. Josh had mentioned he and Brandon were going to stay late at practice tonight; Josh's workload was easy given football season was long over and they had songs to write for their upcoming demo. While it was true they had stuff ready to record, they also wanted something new. She didn't understand; she didn't particularly care. She would see him when she saw him and soon enough her school would be out for the summer too and she would find a way to distract him. She fought the urge to grin wickedly to herself as she perched on her bed and bit her lip. She looked down at the iPod, flipping through the surprisingly diverse selections and finally settling on one guided half by memory and half by instinct. Also, like, half by the "recently played" playlist.

She plugged her ears with the earbuds and hit the center button the dial. She was surprised when the guitar kicked in almost immediately. It was more like a rock song than she had imagined a Broadway performer could write and she realized she had kind of categorized Rachel accidentally. Although she liked Rachel, more than a little given the spark she'd seen in Finn's eyes since the girl's reappearance, she tried to clear that from her mind so she could really listen.

Katie had to admire the balls it had taken for the girl to lay it all out this way. True, she wasn't the one singing. And the album Katie had helped Finn find was a couple of years old so she wasn't sure when the song had been written. She kind of got the impression it was before Finn had moved in with Quinn, or probably even started dating her (again—apparently). There was a sense of possibility, a sense of just waiting on the other person that she knew had given him the sense of urgency and massive confusion he had.

Straight through the middle of your deepest darkest dream. Oh, I wrote the melody that brought you back to life, love. Come hear it for yourself, oh my love. Come hear it for yourself, oh my love. Who says we're wrong for opening the wrong doors? Love, come swallow the key; you'll never replace me. 'Cause we've both fallen for someone we're wrong for—love, come swallow the key; you'll never replace me.

Katie had been friends with Finn for a few years. He was easy to make friends with, the affable, confident and kind of bumbling kid with a boyish, smirking smile and a huge heart. He still had an innocence she had been unable to resist because she was so the opposite. Even Josh, knowing the truth since he had seen her birth certificate, said Katie's middle name should've been 'skeptical' instead of Anne. She fought the urge to smile as the song played on.

The other main attraction for her, to Finn, was that they were about the same age, even if she was a bit older. Katie had felt out of place at the school for her three years before Finn had come along. The only other person who seemed close in age to them was Quinn, but she had been less than friendly during her year of substituting. Even though Finn and Quinn had hit it off like old friends (because apparently, that's exactly what they were), Katie had been kind of relieved when Quinn transferred to the high school. It was almost like she'd felt the entire third grade unclench once Quinn was gone and it had taken a while for Katie to feel comfortable around the icy girl in more relaxed social settings.

But through all that, even with all the incongruences in what seemed a mismatch between Finn and Quinn, Katie had stood by and watched him open up just a bit to the composed blonde girl and finally move in with her. Although being pushy was more Katie's nature than anything else, she had also kept her mouth shut when it came to the relationship closest to her closest friend. There was always something that made her tongue trip over itself and tie itself in knots when Finn would lament that Quinn wanted to get married but he didn't feel ready and … well, the song she was listening to kind of untied the knots in her tongue and made her want to speak. She hadn't known what was holding her back at the time, but she sure as shit knew now.

He had been wrong. He had been wrong to commit to Quinn in any capacity because she just wasn't right for him. Whether the whole thing had been some grand design on Quinn's part or not, Katie still hadn't decided and Finn certainly wasn't talking. But even the beginning of the song spoke to her because it seemed like maybe Rachel, even years ago, had almost known and resigned herself to what would happen. But not quite. She had somehow managed to both taunt and challenge him with the lyrics, all at the same time she was absolving him of guilt for everything. It was a really, really beautiful piece of writing. She clicked the necessary buttons to start the song over. God, no wonder he was so torn up.

I kept you safe and still, you changed your shape until your weakling antibodies could stand up for themselves. Outside your windowsill, I fell like Jack for Jill and you came tumbling after. So stand up for yourself, oh my love. Stand up for yourself, oh my love. Lest you forget, I'll write this down.

She couldn't help it, and it was just a flash, but she saw a purple note crumpled up in his hand. Had Rachel written him instructions or something? She bit her lip and fought to stay put, to avoid the curiosity in going out to the kitchen and just ripping it out of his hands to read it. She knew it wasn't her place. But she so desperately wanted to untangle all this for him. It was becoming clear there was only one way, with only one person, that he would be happy. She had seen it flash across his face and heard it in his voice in a bar. She had felt his eyes bouncing back and forth between her and Rachel and could read the tension in his posture as he played their last set at the bar. And that was all nothing compared to his entire demeanor since he'd shown up at their house.

You're blaming all this on yourself, but the photograph that's on your shelf is of a younger, dumber version of myself….but anyway…

Katie sighed. The song was pretty mature, even if the threat of never finding anything better was almost an underlying taunt. Rachel had the perspective, whenever this was written, to accept her own role in whatever their undoing as a couple had been. And even if the song sounded like she'd been hung up on Finn to an almost pathological degree, Katie knew from being around Finn that it hadn't really been like that. She had thought about it a lot in the last couple of weeks and she had barely heard of Rachel at all. It wasn't like the stream of contact was constant, and it wasn't like it was one-sided. She knew Finn had initiated the most recent round of contact between them. She knew Rachel had emailed him or something when he'd gone to New York to see her play (even if he hadn't mentioned names or anything too specific at the time). Regardless, the thin thread of contact they'd maintained had at least been mutual. That spoke volumes.

Maybe she would write a self-help book about this. Teaching fifth grade didn't seem quite like a calling as much as maybe teaching her friend how to live his life and be happy. It was so clear to her what he needed to do. She wondered if he was prepared to actually do it.

Once she was done listening through the song, she put his iPod back where she'd gotten it from. She patted the pocket of her jacket to make sure his phone was still in there and then she went back out to the kitchen. There must've been something about the motion of her steps or the heavy thunking of her heels on the tile floor, but this time he looked up.

"Hey, Katie." Finn breathed, the words twisting together with his audible sigh.

She grabbed the bottle that was sitting behind him and she wasn't completely oblivious to the fact that it was now more gone than it had been when she first came in. "Hey," she said. She tried really hard to inject some sympathy or something into her tone other than the apology for what she had to admit to doing. She sank down onto the stool next to him and then took a long pull of the amber colored liquid from the bottle. She winced a little bit on the aftertaste. "Whatcha got there?" She nodded toward the paper he was fiddling with.

He sighed and flicked the piece of paper over to her. He sort of missed but she caught it anyway.

Well that was easier than I thought. Even if his aim is horrible right now.

The words from the song echoed in her head as she untwisted the paper. It actually fell open quite easily, like maybe it had been folded and unfolded a lot. Rachel's handwriting flowed across the small page in dark purple ink. The handwriting was decidedly more plain than she would've expected, but she found herself unsurprised to see the dulled golden star sticker in the corner.

You,

Well, here I go. It might not be the way I planned but it's more than I actually dared to hope so I'm taking a chance. What do you say to that? I think I know what you would say because I always know, but that's why I'm writing this down. Plus I want you to remember my words. Perhaps it's silly, but I will always remember you and I want you to remember me, too.

We have our whole lives ahead. I don't know what the future holds for you, for me, or for us. But I want you to know that I will always cherish what we have been, what we are, and what we could be. You have the power to be great, but you're already great to me. I hope you come to understand that we could truly be great together. You just have to come see it for yourself, my love. You know where I'll be. I'll be there waiting for you to catch up.

I Love You Always,
Me

Katie let her eyes trace the page one more time before she bit her lip and folded the paper carefully. She set it down in front of Finn and bumped the bottle toward him, too. He accepted the offer as she retrieved his phone from her jacket pocket and gingerly set it down next to him.

He had finished his drink and set the bottle down with one hand as he wiped at his mouth with the other. "Where the hell did you find that? I've been looking for that."

"You left it laying around staff meeting," she muttered. "But…" She looked over at him honestly and reconsidered saying anything about her phone call with Rachel just yet. "Why the Captain Jack therapy?"

He looked at her blankly.

"Work with me. Captain Jack Sparrow? Why is all the rum gone?" She asked.

He still looked at her blankly.

"Okay, never mind. What made you think your liver was optional?"

Finn chuckled and sighed a little bit. "Well, today was my meeting to re-up."

Katie nodded. The uncreative principal did these things in alphabetical order. Her own meeting had been just after school so she figured it meant his was during afternoon recess. "Went that well, did it?"

He glanced back over at her but this one wasn't blank. This one was loaded. She was kind of dreading the words he would say before they came out of his mouth.

"The offer was fine. I'm just not sure what to do with the fact that I passed."

She turned on the stool so she could lean on her elbow and gawk at him fully. "You what?"

He let a long breath out through his nose and then he turned to mirror her posture. "You know, your husband asked me the same question."

"And what did you say?" She asked. She reached out for the bottle and took another drink.

"That I knew I couldn't live on your couch," he said honestly.

"And what's the real reason?" She asked, even as her eyes drifted to the paper that he was fidgeting with again. She knew the real reason; she just wanted to see if he knew the real reason.

"I keep thinking I don't have to be this messed up about Rachel," he admitted quietly. "But it kinda seems like other things are going to get in our way again and I…I know I should go to her but I can't just…"

Katie shook her head and he grabbed the bottle right out her hand while she was raising it for another drink. "Hey!"

"I need it worse than you do," he argued. "I'm homeless and unemployed."

Katie shook her head. "Yeah, you've kind of stacked loser on top of loser there. What in the hell does she see in you?"

He held up the note, flipping the paper knot around in his long fingers. "She sees a lot. I just can't live up to it."

She'd now had just enough to drink that the motion of the paper made her eyes hurt. She slapped her hand on top of his to stop it. "You know where me and Josh were when we met?"

"Yeah," he muttered.

"Well I'm going to tell you again anyway," she said quickly, the words pouring out of her mouth in rapid fire. "I was working in a bar with half of an art history degree." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "I minored in fucking philosophy." She gave a shudder. "And he was no better—he with his desire to turn pro for football."

"There is nothing wrong with pro football," Finn said.

"Yeah for the, like, less than three percent who make it and don't fuck up their bodies in the meantime like he did. Look, my point is this: we got married because we could get housing for cheaper. I mean, we love each other and I don't regret it. But back then, we were a total mess because love does not pay bills. You can turn a total mess into happy life together. You just have to stick it out through all the losing. What does she see in you? She sees someone she loves and wants to be happy. There is nothing else you have to do and nothing else you have to prove."

"At least I don't have a pile of student loans like you do," Finn retorted. His words were slurred. "And what makes you think you know Rachel so well all of a sudden?"

Katie tilted her head and nudged the bottle toward him. "I'll sound better if you're really, really drunk for this part."

"Oh, I'm really, really drunk," Finn agreed. He took another pull from the bottle anyway.

"That's good," Katie mumbled. She was on her way there, too. Josh was gonna be annoyed because she was pretty sure the spiced rum was actually his. "So I called Rachel earlier from your phone."

Finn's eyes popped open and they almost focused entirely. "Why would you do that?"

"Were you gonna fucking call her?" Katie asked. "No, you weren't. But you really should."

"Jesus, Katie, what did you do? I thought not interfering and not bossing people around was your, like, New Years' resolution or some shit."

"Yeah, I gave up on that," she agreed quickly. "I invited her to come be your ballroom dance class teaching partner because I don't want to."

"Fuck, Katie…" he breathed out in frustration. "Stay out of it."

"Tell me one other time in your life you've been better prepared for any of this," she responded. He was sinking against the stool, his elbows on the tiled countertop and his thumbs in the corner of his eyes. "Tell me one other time in her life she's been better prepared for any of this."

"I don't know!" He burst out. His voice was tense and his shoulders were a hard line in spite of the alcohol in his system. "I don't know, all right! But just because I'm prepared doesn't make me ready."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"I just got out of a long and apparently crappy relationship. And I've been in exactly this position with Rachel before."

"I don't think you have," she answered eventually.

"What makes you think this is any different?"

Katie sighed. "Finn, what if there is only one more chance? What if there's only one left and this is it?"

He swallowed hard but didn't answer.

"What would you give to be with her? To really be with her? I mean, every day to kiss her and fight with her and have really great make up sex and…and everything? Just everything."

"I'd give it all. I'd give anything," he finally admitted. "But it doesn't matter if she doesn't want it."

"She just wants you to give it. She wants you to give it all."

"How do you know that?" He asked, finally wiping his hands over his face.

"I listened to the song. I read the note. And I called her." Katie looked over at him and fought the urge to smirk. "At this point? I know everything."

"Ah, the sound of drunk Katie!" Josh said from the doorway. She turned in her stool as he walked over to give her a long kiss hello. Right before his mouth dropped to hers, she pushed the phone right in front of Finn. She released her grip on it to take both her hands to her husband's face as Finn picked the phone up and turned it around, the spinning not helping with all the other spinning that was going on.

He'd made her wait for so long. She'd made him wait so long. He missed her. He loved her. He'd loved her all along. And he knew, even as his thoughts were a little overwhelmed and disconnected, that he'd give anything to take that one last chance.

He just hoped to hear her say the same.