Chapter 14

Sophia turned and started walking back toward the reservoir, still holding her mother's hand. They didn't stop until they reached the edge of the water. Carol looked down at her bare feet sinking into the wet sand and wiggled her toes. The cool firmness beneath her feet felt just as solid and real as it did when she had touched Daryl's face. She felt the warm breeze and the sun on her face. Carol closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sun, smiling. She had never before known the feeling of peace that flowed through her now.

The light she could still see beyond her closed lids began to fade. The warmth from the sun disappeared, as did the cool breeze. Carol opened her eyes and discovered that they were standing outside of Gabriel's church and it was nighttime. A moment later the church doors opened and Carol watched herself slip quietly into the night.

Closing the door softly behind her, Carol paused, waiting to see if anyone would follow. She listened to the celebration still going on inside, the low laughter and conversation. No one had noticed her leaving. She breathed a sigh of relief and slung her backpack over her shoulder. She had a moment of regret, thinking about leaving Daryl without so much as a word but she pushed the thought away. She couldn't stay here. Carol took one last look at the church and disappeared into the trees.

Carol started to move in the same direction but Sophia held her back.

"Wait." Turning back to the church, Carol saw the door open slowly.

Daryl moved quietly to the doors, trying to follow Carol without attracting attention. A last look at the group confirmed he hadn't been noticed. He slipped out the front door of the church and looked around. He had hoped that Carol was just getting some air. He knew what it was like to be overwhelmed by the people in their group. But in his heart he knew she hadn't left the church for a quiet moment of solitude. She was leaving them.

She was leaving him, going back to the car they had found earlier.

His head dropped in disappointment and exhaustion. They had just found each other again but she didn't want to stay. He was so tired of feeling alone and had thought that with her there he wouldn't be alone anymore. Daryl stood there, indecisive. Should he let her go? Who was he to make her stay in a place she didn't want to be?

NO. He couldn't let her just leave without an explanation. He was done taking the easy way out and just letting things happen. He was going after her. His head snapped up and he quickly descended the steps. She only had a few minutes head start, he could catch up with her.

Carol watched as he strode past them, a determined look on his haggard face, his jaw clenched, eye's shining. She couldn't help but smile at the thought that he hadn't been willing to just let her leave. They walked after him and as they stepped into the trees their surroundings changed again. Carol looked down at her daughter with a question in her eyes, surprised at the suddenness of the change.

With a sad smile, Sophia said, "We don't have much time left." Carol felt her throat constrict. She didn't want to lose her baby girl again but she was discovering that the decision was out of her control. She looked around her and realized with a start that they were back in the shelter. Not at the time when she and Sophia had been there but when she had been there with Daryl. It already seemed like so long ago.

Carol moved around the corner, leading Daryl further into the dark building.

"Did you used to work here or something?" he rasped, following her into an office.

"Something," she replied thoughtfully. Memories of her last visit were threatening to overcome her. She had been here with Sophia last time.

There were two doors in the office and they moved the desk to barricade one of them. Carol picked up her pack and moved to the other door. Finding it locked, she turned back to Daryl to motion for the keys. He fumbled a little trying to hand them to her but recovered to shine his flashlight above her head.

Carol led him down a narrow hallway and into a bedroom furnished with a desk and a set of bunk beds. He glanced around the room and, eyes landing on the desk, he saw with some surprise a book about surviving childhood abuse. 'Shit,' he thought.

"What is this place," he glanced at her but she had her back to him.

"Temporary housing," Carol responded shortly, not inviting questions. Tough, he was going to ask them anyway.

"You came here?"

"I didn't stay," she said, bitterness in her voice. It was obviously painful or at least unpleasant to talk about and Daryl decided to drop it for now. He turned back to the desk, putting his pack on the surface, next to the book that kept drawing his eye. Daryl wondered absently if she would notice if he took it.

"I'll take the top. That one looks more like your style," she teased. He looked at the top bunk, covered in stuffed animals and huffed a laugh. She turned abruptly, all traces of humor suddenly gone. "You should get some sleep. I'll keep first watch."

Daryl looked at her surprise. "It's buttoned up pretty tight."

"I know."

"Then we should be alright."

Carol turned back to him, a little exasperated. "I'll keep first watch." Her eyes softened and her voice gentled. "I don't mind."

They really hadn't talked much and Daryl still didn't understand what was going on inside her head.

"Suit yourself." He dropped heavily onto the bottom bunk and looked around the room again. Not that there was much to see. Really, he was just avoiding looking at her. She was different now. Confident. Capable. And she was hiding her pain, or at least trying to. But they'd always been able to see past each other's walls. Daryl just didn't know how to breach them this time. Finally, his eyes fell on the woman that occupied so much of his thoughts. She was looking out the window, thoughtful.

"You said we could start over," Carol said quietly.

"Yeah."

She turned to face him. "Did you?" He looked at her for a long moment before replying.

"I'm trying." She just nodded and turned back to the window. What had she really been asking? Had he started over without her?

"Why don't you just say what's on your mind?" He didn't know what he was expecting but her response took him by surprise.

"I don't think we get to save people anymore." Daryl sat there, stunned into silence. This wasn't Carol. Not the woman he knew.

"Then why are you here?" His words came out harsher than he had intended but she only smiled sadly.

"I'm trying."

Carol watched with a heavy heart while two damaged people tried to work through their own pain and insecurity. Now that she was on the outside looking in, she could see the longing in his face when he looked at her. She could also see the wariness in her own face. She had felt so broken inside. After all that had happened, she was tired. Numb. Or at least she had thought she was. When Carol had realized the danger her friends were in, she hadn't hesitated in going into Terminus to rescue them.

She had saved them at Terminus, but for how long? Just until the next threat emerged to take one of their own away from them. Sophia leaned against her mother's side, startling Carol. She had been so intent on the scene before her, she had forgotten about the little girl.

Daryl watched as Carol turned from the window and walked over to the bed. He was a little surprised when she sat and then laid back on the bed. He glanced at her over his shoulder, wondering how he should respond to her sudden closeness. Daryl wanted more than anything to wrap his arms around her and tuck her against him but she didn't meet his gaze so he leaned back until he was lying next to her. He grabbed a pillow to shove behind his head.

They lay there together for a moment before he felt compelled to ask her again, "What if I hadn't showed up at the car?"

"I still don't know," she said softly. He his heart sank at her words.

Daryl wanted to give her a reason to stay. He wanted to tell her…everything. The anger he had felt when Rick had kicked her out. The despair that came over him when the prison fell and he thought there was no chance that he would see her again. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. He had for a long time. But Daryl couldn't manage the words. She was right next to him but he couldn't seem to bridge the distance between them.

Sophia pulled Carol's hand and guided her through the door, but instead of entering the darkened hallway, they found themselves in the brightly lit hospital room.

TBC…