I yawned and poured myself some more bran flakes. The yawn was fake, but the bran flakes were 100% natural. They were Beastboys.

I could talk to him without blushing crimson and averting my eyes. I could talk to Cyborg and Starfire with ease.

But no way in hell was I going to talk to Robin.

It was easier to busy myself with chewing, swallowing, and fake yawning. The others sat around, weighed down with the heft of sleep still upon them. No matter that we were heroes, we were still teenagers. If you left us too it, we could sleep until lunch.

I couldn't talk to Robin because I had no idea if he considered last night to be a mere hook-up, like I did, or something real. Did he expect some kind of decision from me?

I loved him. Like a brother. Maybe not a brother. An older step-brother who came on the scene when you hit puberty and have secretly thought was hot for years. But I didn't love him enough to start something. That was what my trip to nevermore had made me realize. That at this moment in time, where I was emotionally and physiologically meant I couldn't have something with him, nor did I want to . Not the way I wanted Jared. It was an excruciating pain, nothing compared to the faint musings about Robin.

All things would catch up with you, no matter what they were of what you did to avoid them. So I sat in my chair, my body facing in the opposite direction to Robin, dressed in my old uniform, pretending nothing in this godforsaken world was wrong.

I thought of it as old because it didn't feel like me anymore. It was all right and well when I was feeling depressed and the need to shy away from any attention. The need to hide. But I didn't want to anymore. For the first time, I wanted something for myself, and I felt like I ought to be wearing a big sign screaming 'selfish Bitch'.

I felt like someone should call me out, and show everyone how horrible I was.

Beastboy hoped down from the bench after what seemed like an eternity, and looked over at Cyborg.

"I'm going to get some new-" He trailed off in disentrance, his eyes widening till his mouth just hung open.

I stared at him, terrified and temporarily paralyzed. What happened? His expression suggested Slade had just appeared in our living room.

My heart hammering, I cautiously followed his line of sight. I landed on Starfire. She was sitting straight-backed on the couch, clothed in her usual pastel purple uniform and boots. And then I saw the television.

"NO!" I practically screamed, jumping off the seat I had perched on and coming to a stop. Starfire was glued to the television, her eyes wide with horror.

The screen was lit up with a visually effective photograph of me. Worse, me and Robin. In it I was just standing there, half turned around while Robin walked towards me from behind. Nothing incriminating, but I knew by the black feeling in the pit of my stomach what was coming. I felt the urge to sink into the ground, but again I was paralyzed with fear.

They took pictures? Concrete proof?

This was my worst nightmare. Pictures of Robin and I, what was the word they were using in the ridiculously false and polished voiceover?….CANOODLING?

They weren't what they looked like! It was completely taken out of context! I considered running for it, but it was far too late.

The picture switched to one of Robin and I kissing. At least his hands weren't on my ass yet. My face was slack in the picture, the shock not quite sunk in. I remembered it, the rough wind burn on my cheeks, the dark sky in the background, lit up by the brilliant orange sundown. Robins hands were on my face, his shirtless state not helping me one bit. This shot was from a distance, but I could made out his spine under the skin, and the hair-obscured mask on his half-turned away face.

All the eyes in the room turned top look at me, and then Robin, and then back again.

Each set of eyes said something different, but Starfires burned the most. Robin had told her to stop trying to be with him, and now she knew why. It was my fault. I ruined everything.

Goose bumps erupted on the surface of my skin. Who else had seen this?

Taunts from the criminals I tried to fight with dignity, questions from the media I detested, nothing from the man I loved.

The thought echoed around my mind. He would never come back If he saw this. There was a little chance he wouldn't watch this channel, but I knew it would reach him. It would reach everyone.

"Starfire!" I tried to call, being shaken out of my stupor by her hard footsteps running to the hallway. I tried to grab her elbow, but with inhuman strength she shoved me roughly away and continued. I stumbled back into the bench, the hard top, bruising half-way up my back. The pain was good.

She was my only friend, besides Lela. I couldn't lose her. She was the one who I had always counted on being there, no matter what. If I did something stupid, she would tell me it wasn't that bad, and carry on. If I ignored her for days on end, was rude, unresponsive, and mean, she would accept it and keep trying to draw me out. When I did, she would give me a huge, bone-crushing hug and forgive me immediately. She was an adorable little girl that I had to lead around, showing her the ways of a world I wasn't so familiar with myself. It had felt good to know that I wasn't the only stranger when the Titans had started, even if I had never admitted it.

How could I lose someone who was incorrigibly joyful?

How could I strike anger into the heart of someone who was immune to fury?

How could I taint a naive soul?

I felt like I had just killed a kitten.

I took a deep breath, catching sight of Robin, who was frowning slightly. Like this was a minor inconvenience. If I knew him, and I was sure I did, he was looking at this from a business point of view.

If this had been Jared he would have laughed it off and told me I looked good in the photos. He would have kissed me and rubbed my shoulders and laughed at my blush, said how beautiful it was.

But it wasn't beautiful. It was a blotchy, and dark red. Nothing on me could be beautiful without him. Who else was there to impress?

The phone started ringing, and Robin went over to calmly answer it.

"Robin speaking." He greeted professionally.

"Oh Rae.." Cyborg shook his head, walking over to me. His eyes were asking, WHY?

"I don't know." I whispered in response to his unasked question.

Robins voice became lower.

"yes. And?"

I tuned him out.

"Is he…your?" Cyborg inclined his head to the side, looking at a loss for words. His brow was furrowed in confusion. I shook my head furiously.

"I don't have a boyfriend Cyborg." I said lamely. I bit my bottom lip hard and stared out the window, while Cyborg stood, worrying about my mental state. I could see him still, see that look, but I pretended it wasn't there.

The rain had settled, stopping the on, off, pattern it had been all through the night. It was falling heavily. I noticed Beastboy slip out of the room, his back melting into the darkness that was the hallway.

Robin hung up the phone with a heavy sigh.

"That's was the Steel city lab. They've finally found out what that gas was."

Their attention was blissfully distracted by the importance of his words. We had been waiting a whole month while they tested the gas and monitored the patients. I had forgotten the reports had been due this week. I used the small hole in everyone's awareness to call up my powers with a mumble under my breath that no one heard and short circuited the television. Cyborg could fix it later, I wasn't having it on until this horror was over.

Robin looked in his zone, and the others were captured, so no one noticed the sudden cut-off of sound.

"Apparently it's a type of subtle disease that you had beastboy, infused with a little known and rare hormone." His mouth curled in distaste. "The disease weakens the immune system and knocks them out, and the hormone messes with their brains."

It was horrible. But what could Rusesamunga want to mess with the minds of America for? I had no clue, and I felt a little ashamed that it made me slightly happy to have a distraction to think about.

"What does it do?" Cyborg asked in a strained voice. I wasn't sure what controlled his stress levels, man or machine but I had no doubt he was struggling to deal with the new information that was being heaped upon him today. Beastboy the same, his face was contorted in concentration. I was still finding it hard to believe what had happened to me.

"They observed several of the high school kids, preschool kids, and a few of the lesser politicians. At first they just thought all of them were jerks, but then it became clear that something was wrong with the way they thought and acted. Kids that used to be quiet honor students were refusing to listen and one tried to stab a teacher. Politicians weren't even pretending to care about citizens anymore. The mayor has been quietly replaced with the deputy for now. Preschoolers started drawing violent pictures and exhibited disturbing tendencies."

It sounded like normal old America to me. At least a part of it. The news was full of this stuff.

"They interviewed those who knew them before the gas was released, and most were starting to show signs of mental breakdown. They said those involved had suffered a complete personality change since, turned into completely different people. The scientists reproduced and tested the same gas on lab rats-"

Beastboy broke from his confusion to let out an angry humph. He hated animal testing. Robin gave him a not now look and continued.

"And the Rats got extremely aggressive until they all tired to kill each other. They figured out what it does. It basically brings out your darker side."

Even as he said it he sounded confused. I knew what he was feeling. What would this achieve? If anything, I would have thought that Jemal would want the citizens of America to bring out their good sides, become more generous and send aid to his country.

"But why?" Cyborg prompted. I could see his mind working, trying to figure this out. I felt I knew the answer, but couldn't quite grasp it in my head. It was incredibly frustrating. Robins face scrunched up and he lifted his hands in the air.

"I have no idea. Nether do the scientists, but as the pointed out to me, its not their job. Its ours." He sighed.

Dark sides…I had one of those. What would it achieve if mine was brought out? The only person who wanted that had been my… father. He had wanted it to destroy earth. That couldn't be what Jemal wanted, he didn't hate the whole world. Only The US of A. Wouldn't it be better to use the gas on other people who wanted America blown up? The people of America wouldn't suddenly kill themselves. Well, some might, but not enough. They might kill each other….

I gasped. The others looked at me in surprise.

"He wants us to destroy ourselves." I said quietly. "From the inside out."

Robin looked at me, trying to understand. I elaborated.

"What happens to a society full of criminals, only out for themselves? It collapses. In a way, it already happening. If people didn't even try to be good people, then the whole world would be only reason people are actully good is because of their consciences."

I was still getting blank looks from Beastboy, but the others had comprehension dawning. I simplified it.

"If he brings out peoples dark sides, burys your conscience, then they will ultimately destroy everything themselves." I sighed. It was what was supposed to have happened to me, and here I was now.

In fact it sounded exactly like what was going on. Jemal didn't need to use the gas on me, because I was already a bad person.

Suddenly Beastboy Gasped. I looked at him.

We usually all bounced ideas off each other. But his usually involved Zombies and cryptonite. Never anything particully intellectual or helpful. But for some reason, I waited with baited breath to hear what he had to say.

"Thats why he did it where he did!" He exclaimed, getting excited now. He jumped up to his full height. "The pollititions, the high school, the kindergarden!"

I saw where he was going with this, and it made perfect sense now that all the puzzle peices had finally been found and put in place. He was turning our leaders, children, literally, the future, corrupt. They were the ones our society relied on.

The others understood. We all did now. He didn't have enough gas to use on all of us, so he used it on the ones who would make the biggest inpact.

"So what do we do?" Cyborg asked Robin, his eyes narrow. Robin was halfway through starting to say somthing, but suddenly the alarm went off. Robin growled in frustration and jogged over to the computer, clicking rapidly. I stood where I was.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Beastboy suddenly hissed. It took me a few seconds to understand what he talking about, and when I did, rage reared her head.

"Because theres nothing to tell!" I hissed back scathingly. He gave me a look. He seemed to have developed a sharp attitude without my noticing. I glared back at him. Nothing was going on between me and Robin.

I was pulled out of my mind by a loud growl from Robin, who had picked up his communticator, a kind of moderator, that could change and pinpoint the whearabouts of all the other communicators. He punched numbers in it violently.

"He knows." He spat over his shoulder. "Hurry up Starfire." He muttered under his breath. My pocket, and Cyborgs and Beastboys, started vibrating and ringing. I pullled out mine and pressed the end call button gently. If I was going to fight, I had to calm down or it might turn into another Dr. Light epsiode.

"Who knows?" Beastboy asked. Robin looked up.

"Jemal. Another building reported gas being released just now. He must know. We have to go check it out."

I nodded thoughtfully and listned for footsteps. I heard them a few seconds later, coming slow.

Starfire emerged, her amrs folded over her stomach and her eyes slightly puffy and red. I felt so bad.

"Time to go" Robin muttered, avoiding her eyes.

It was so wrong, seeing her like this, so I avoided eye contact as well and followed him out.

The street was moving and full of life like every other street in downtown Jump. Lela's coffee shop was two blocks away. It was a normal office building. It had no significance in the fact that it was completly ordinary. It didn't have the sence of importance the Political chambers had, nor the promise of the high school, nor the happiness and innocence of the kindergarten. It was just a big, ten story building with shutters over the windows and pot plants in the front office. Unlike the street, it was empty, with no sign of people.

Robin pushed the car door open. We were across the street. We didn't go in straight away all of us silently communicated that this was wrong. It was the middle of the day. All the shutters were drawn and no lights were on. Why was no one working? If someone had reported a gas being released throughout the building, why had they all gone?

"Maybe their all in the boardroom?" Cyborg suggested nervously, locking the car.

"Or maybe they went home sick." Beastboy added, nodding his head.

"Or maybe," A new and deeper voice spoke out from behind me. "Their at a team building exercise. That was

what Raven and Boy-wonder were doing yesterday wasn't it?"

I spun around on my heel, my cloak swirling. My eyes flew open. Standing behind me casually was Jared.

A thousand thoughts flew through my mind all at the same time. I felt dissoreintated, and I swear the earth was moving. First I felt the most unbeleivable relief. He was here, in the flesh. He was here for me. But it was soon eclisped by what he had said.

He had seen the pictures. Heard what the deluded media had turned one impulsive moment into. It was easy to see from the look on his perfect face, that he was pissed.

For some strange reason, he was holding a Titans communicator, dressed in the same clothes he had worn to hold up the airport, the baseball cap in his other hand, the Red-X belt around his waist.

"What are you doing here?" Robin growled under his breath, distracted from his chase for a moment. I wished he would shut his mouth. I wished Jared would kiss me. I wish I could go back in time. Jared smirked.

"I've come to be the hero." He announced, walking up to him. He held out the hand with the communicator. I instantly recognised it. It was my old one. "You left this in my room." He added.

"I should arrest you right here." Robin replied, snatching the communitcator and attactching it to his belt, he was probably angry about the last comment. He was thinking about why I would be in Jared's room in the first place.

"I havn't done anything wrong." Jared sneered. "Not yet." He added, moving over to me and placing an arm around my waist.

I froze in confusion. One minute he was making snide comments about what me and the next he was pulling me close for a one-armed hug? I looked at his face, and saw he wasn't looking at me the way he usualy did. I understood and stepped away from him.

He was doing this because he was jelous. It was possesive, and cold. Not what I wanted. I watched him a little fearfully

Jared didn't look at me again. He just shoved the baseball cap over his head and tilted it down so I couldn't see his eyes.

"Lets get a move on." He said quietly. My heart calmed when I heard a a note of regret in his voice. I picked up my feet. Maybe their was hope for us yet.

X suddenly sprinted across the road, bringing the traffic to a screeching, beeping, crashing halt.

"Hey! STOP!" Robin ordered. X looked back over his shoulder near sidewalk, swinging his body around by grabbing onto a street light.

"You gonna arrest me for Jay-walking too?" He laughed darkly, taking off again until he reached the main door.

My guilt fluttered and I ran after everyone, who were all sprinting to into the building.

The main office was empty. A large reception desk and nothing more. Jared was standing in the stairway, a hand on the rail, smirking, probably because he was smug about being faster. Boys.

The room was even more eirree from the inside. Silent and devoid of any auras on the bottom floor. It was cold as well.

"c'mon." Robin said in a gruff voice, shoving past Jared on the stairs. He seemed to have acepted him being here.

I followed, and Jared stepped aside.

"What happened with you and him?" He demanded, pulling me away from the goup by the arm. His grip was too tight.

Starfire did something I didn't think she was capable of as she passed me on her way up the stairs. She threw me the evil eye and when I just stared at her she upped her speed, muttering about me in Tameran. I shook my head and stared at Jared. I could just see his grey eyes, in the shadow of his cap.

"I got tired of waiting." I sighed, trying to pull away. He didn't let go.

"You get tired pretty fast." He commented, and then shoved me forward. It wasn't hard. It was just a statement. I jogged up the stairs, eyes downcast.

I was immensly glad that he was back. The demon in me was thrilled he was treating me so weirdly. But I didn't want to deal with him while he was sulking. When we got home, I could soothe his ego, and explain to him. He would accept it after a while. It was diffiuclt trying to be proffesional, trying to be good. But I had to do it first. It was my job.

My job I was starting to resent.

We passed the second floor and again, there was no one insight. I was starting to worry.

"Its a trap." Robin ground out the obvious, Panting the tiniest bit.

We climbed the next set of stairs, and again, no one. Something was so wrong. We were now all sticking together, walking in a tight group. Right now we didn't like each other all that much, but my skin was crawling, and I didn't scare easy. Not with what I had seen.

Add the fact that someone had turned the air conditioning on full blast in every floor so it was freezing, this was like a horror movie, set in day time. I expected something to jump out at any minute. My breathing was starting to become faster, as was Starfires.

We were onto the last floor. The roof. Robin looked back at us, nodded, and kicked the door open.

We were faced with what we had all been unconsciously expecting. A line of at least twleve men, all smiling devilishly. They were all wearing different civilian clothing, of all different races. I assumed they had been contracted, or maybe they were doing it just to get rid of us.

Because the weapons in their hands made it pretty clear thats what they were trying to do. A few had lead pipes and I noticed one had a large knife. One of the men was huge. He was bigger than any man I had ever seen and, since he wasn't wearing a shirt, I could see all of it was muscle. A body builder.

We were outnumbered, and the man who stepped forward had a gun. He cocked it and winked at Starfire. We were backed into a corner. We couldn't fight here.

"Seventh floor" Robin muttered. The seventh floor was just one huge room. I had no idea what it was normally used for. It looked like a gym cleared of all its equipment. No one moved. No one wanted to give it away. "Go!" I grabbed Cyborgs arm and teleported a floor down. I heard the thundering sounds of running steps, and shouts as the men gave chase to my team.

Panic.

Everyone got confused as to which side they were on.

I saw Jared simply fling himself over the rail and land next to me with a hard thump. My heart skipped a beat when he winced. He looked at me.

"Groundshock" He explained, as Bullets ramed into the walls just above our head. The villians we usually faced, like X, were all to uh, creative, to use guns. Now it seemed insane that our training hadn't included more of 'what to do when a man intent on killing you has a machine gun' scenarios.

I focused.

"Azarath metrion zynthos!" I said clearly, and aimed it at the man. The gun was pulled from his hand, andI smashed it into the wall several times, with feeling. I couldn't have anyone else picking it up. Then I hurled myself down the stairs to avoid his anger. Starfire used her long legs and stregnth to her advantage, overtaking me easily down the stairs. She turned half-way and grabbed my arm. I was a little surprised that she was willing to help me.

"Come out ladies." I heard a taunting voice calling, but the effect was ruined by the jolting in the voice as the owner raced after us.

"Starfire, wait!" I ordered. She stopped. I turned around to see three men about to pounce. Holding tightly onto Starfire, I sunk through the ground with her. They stopped and stared at us in surprise.

"Thank you." She said quietly as we hit the floor, before taking off. I heard Cyborgs cannon blast resound above me and just barley jumped out of the way in time as a pipe fell out of nowhere. I shook my head and teleported straingt into the forth floors large room.

I was the first person there, but just as I collected myself, Beastboy flew into the room as an eagle and telelported before he landed. I caught my breath.

"Unreal." He commented as Starfire and Cyborg ran into the room, followed immediatly by four men. They were skilled fighters. A high kick to Starfires head knocked her down a few steps. Robin attacked him out of nowhere. Jared came in already fighting. The dark-skinned man attempted to punch him, but Jared dodged him with ease, faked a punch to the right, and dodged him again by kicking off the wall and bringing him down with a wrestling-esque move. It seemed his fighting style was self-taught, but extremly effective.

Beastboy was attacking a guy without having transformed. He seemed to be driven by anger.I hadn't known Robin had been teaching him hand-to-hand combat, but I was brought out of my shock when the bodybuilder decided to take me on.

I tried to punch him, but I knew in my heart I wasn't a natural fighter. All I could do was jump backwards down the legnth of the room while he tried to grab me. He had strength, not speed. He was still smiling, like he knew it didn't matter how fast I ran. we both knew. He finally mandged to hit me in the side of the head when I got to the three quater point. He landed it to the side of my head, and I felt as if I had been hit by a bus.

I manadged to conjure up some energy to loosen the piping that weas rigged up on the ceiling, it threw it at him with most of my remaining strength. He hadn't been expecting it and was knocked off balance. While he struggled to get up, I looked over and noticed Jared staring at me with concern. But he had to look away when a man aimed at him.

I shouldn't have looked away. Because the man kicked me in the gut. I was winded and I stumbled back and he took the advantage by kicking me in the chest. I could hear him laughed as I clutched my chest.

"Fuck!" I swore. That really hurt. I couldn't think anymore as he grabbed my shoulder with one hand, and with the other, punched me hard in the nose. The whole of my face felt numb as blood poured out over my mouth. I tried to call up my powers but I had no energy left. My head was throbbing in protest.

I looked at him. He was smiling, his blue eyes sparkling. He leaned in an inhaled. I wanted to throw up but I couldn't move. Everything hurt. I couldn't breath. I was completly overwhelmed with no way out. I looked over at Jared. He was on the ground, but he was smashing in a guys face with his knee. He was doing fine.

The bodybuiler pulled back and with a last laugh, gripped both of my shoulders and kicked me in the gut on more time. This time he put all the strenght into it. I flew backwards and with a sickning feeling of dread, realised I was flying too far.

I slammed throught the window, which had spanned the width of the whole room, feeling it shatter into pieces on my skin.

No one even saw me fall. But they must have heard it.

I fought inwardly to keep my calm, my wide eyes sating up at the deceivingly bright sun-soaked sky. I found my center, but it was partially blocked off, and kept snuffing out. I didn't ave the energy. The adrenaline was pushing it away, making it impossible to get at. I panicked, and tried to rip at it. This was a mistake. It disappeared completely, and I felt cut off from my soul, alone.

I fell fast, but slow.

I was only human now. But every second was an inhumanly cruel minute that was able to fit more horror than anything should, like the perfect game of Tetris. My life didn't flash before my eyes. The people that said that happened to them differed from me in the fact that they, survived. I flailed about under the weight of air, and tried to twist. I could do nothing successfully.

I should be able to catch myself before I hit the ground.

I was trying so hard not to panic, but the wind whistling and the force of gravity was causing the inevitable reflex of panicking. I continued to free fall.

I was trying so hard not to scream, but the terror I felt flash through my body was causing the inevitable reflex of screaming. It bubbled up in my throat and escaped. I left it behind me.

I was trying so hard to keep trying, but The ground was a looming concept and I was way past the point of return, so I stopped trying to try.

I was trying to try not to try so I wouldn't hit the dull, dirty concrete.

But I did hit the ground.

I exploded, in more ways than one.