It sure has been a long time since I've done this, hasn't it?
NIGRIS is here guys, and I've brought a new chapter along with me! I know that it's been a long time, and I honestly couldn't find a fuck to give for your waiting, but there's a good reason for all of that mojo stuff.
Y'see, I've been working on a new story…
A story for RWBY…
A story that will be amazing…
A story that is going TO BE AWESOME!
If you're interested in seeing new stuff made by me go check out, Beneath The Covers! It'll be nothing like "Faker"… Y'know, besides the insert part.
I will admit I'm a bit disappointed in myself though. Four times did I have to revise it because of grammatical errors and misplaced words, FOUR TIMES! But I fixed them, and I plan on doing the same to the chapters in faker too! If you take a looksee at chapter 19, you'll see it's been revised, and I plan on doing the same to the others.
But enough with that! Let's go on our magical adventure, shall we!
By the way... filler-ish.
Beta'd By: Undying Soul98
Chapter 20: Progressing To An Oncoming Terror
In my own personal opinion I thought I would've died far earlier than this. When you think about it, when you took away my Fullbring and body buffs I was just any typical human being. And I knew that typical human beings are squishy. And well…
When something that is squishy is hit really hard, or dropped from a ridiculous height, they tended to go squish like any other squishy.
Hell I was just lucky. Eiichiro Oda decided to cut me a break and made sure that when I came here I would at least was going to be able to defend myself. He went to the great Troll God, Tite Kubo, and asked for him to bless me with Fullbring. So at least I could give and receive. Not in a sexual way—b-but I could that too!
I was glad I wasn't weak and let's leave it at that.
Becoming stronger was actually apart of the reason why I was so fit. I saw all these guys who were all muscled and strong and I thought, 'Geeze, if I did that I could be muscular and strong too!' So I began my fitness training! I worked out at the gym, at home, and even had some of those protein shakes that tasted funny!
It was hard I tell you. Sometimes I wanted to relax and grab a Coke, or maybe take a few days off. But when Patrick Falso wanted something done, Patrick Falso made sure it was done! And in the end it was worth it, cuz look at me now! I was large (-ish), in charge (-ish), and ready for the world (-ish)! I felt like nothing could stand in my way!
Then I came here, and the pecking order changed drastically.
In this past month I've been nearly killed by an insane giant with an axe-arm, almost murdered by a furry and his crazed lion, and nearly killed by a cat-pedophile and his steroid-induced boss who was a hypnotist. I know it sounded weird, and I've tried to come up with other ways to say it so that it actually sounded realistic. But there was no way to do that.
I swear I had some PTSD because of them.
As crazy as it was though I was happy, smug even, that I had fought and won against them. I battled, defeated, and survived what normal people could never have. I'd used my ridiculous my cunning intuition, sharp and, and barrels full of bullshit. My Fullbring played some part in it too, I couldn't deny that, but most of my victories came from what I felt was luck or coincidence. Henceforth: bullshit. My life these past few weeks is nothing but bullshit, so it might as well be.
But I couldn't help but feel deep down inside me, that one day I could fight. Not by luck or coincidence, and not bullshit as I keep calling it, but with my own power. That I could train and properly control this power that was mysteriously gifted me into a fine guard unlike any other. And that I wouldn't have to fight on the sidelines, but in the heat of battle against the most terrifying of foes along with Luffy, Zoro, and everyone else as the first mate I was.
But that day was not today.
Why can't I just keep my mouth shut? I fretfully wondered as Sanji rose from his flirting position on his knees. His eyes boar into me from my glaringly crude comment. I am such and idiotic, egotistical, and arrogant prick! He stood at his full height… Oh, I was taller than him. Wait! Height doesn't mean anything! C-rap! I said I wouldn't try to piss him off like an hour a-go! Why did I do what I explicitly told myself I wouldn't do?! I cried internally, even when the answer was so simple.
I was the type of person who talked a lot of shit, even though he couldn't choose rude dialogue options in games because they were scared of hurting a character's feelings.
"Hey you," Sanji said, his tone hinting his soured mood. He strode towards me with his hands in his pockets. His single visible eye glared into both of mine, and I instantly knew that I didn't like being on the receiving end of it. "What did you just call me, you bastard?" Sanji was now in front of me and I was too scared to move back. "Did you just call me 'a piece of shit?' he questioned, though we both knew the answer.
"H-Huh? I-I b…" I inherently sputtered.
But this cook wouldn't take that as an answer. "Don't stutter over your words! You just called me out, so you better be ready to pay for the consequences!" I gulped loudly. I took my eyes of him to quickly grasp the situation around me.
Usopp was staring worriedly along with Nami. Zoro on the other hand had backed up and watched my confrontation coolly. Luffy was on the other side of the table… stuffing his face… I didn't know how to feel about that. As for the restaurant, the patrons had their eyes glued on us.
"So? Speak up already bub," Sanji said, and I had to take a single step back when he took one forward. "You had the guts to say something pal, especially something like that in front of a such a beautiful lady," he stressed those last words pausing, making a face I could only describe as lecherous, before resuming his horrid glare. "So unless you don't want me to rip them out and flambé them, you better start talking."
I was frozen like a statue. All I could do was stay still and stare deeply into Sanji's eyes, too afraid to move out of fear of having my teeth kicked out. My blood was pumping, and I could hear the fast, rhythmic beat in both ears. My hands shook with palms damp with sweat. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins.
This was Fight or Flight, and both options weren't looking so grand.
I have dropped the metaphorical soap, I thought with misery.
Shit—shit—shit! I've really screwed the pooch this time! I cried pathetically. I inwardly groaned. So this was how I died, like that Six-Flags kid who got his head punted off. Well there could be worse—no shut up! No! I have to stay calm! When has panicking done any good?!
"Come on shit-head! I don't have all day!" Sanji suddenly hollered, signifying my time was almost up.
C'mon, brain, you've gotten me out of worse situations! I smoothed out my breathing. I'll just get kicked in the back of the head if I run. Crossing that off the list. It doesn't look like anyone is about to help at this point! Crossing that off too. The chefs, they could… I don't see them. Where are the chefs?! Cross that off again. Slaying Moon is in my pocket, but Sanji'll think I'm reaching for a weapon. So Fullbring was out of the question. I might as well just do the dirty work for Sanji and save his time! And I doubt I could ever beat him in a fight—
"That's it, start talking are I'm turning your ass into a new home for my shoe!"
—Wait! Wait! That's it! A plan began to form in my head. Fighting! I don't have to punches! I could never fight Sanji upfront anyways! But who said I ever fought upfront! In a brawl, people don't expect the unexpected. They just think it's about trying to knock the other guy out first. And I'm sure Sanji will think the same way too!
Like a puzzle, all the pieces came together. I could see every detail of it, and I had to give a mental nod of approval of it. It might've not been the best I could think of, but it surely wasn't bad. And as long as I played my hand correctly, I had a gut feeling that things would go great!
Time to bullshit my way to victory once again!
"If that's how you want it," Sanji said while moving his foot. Shit gotta' move! "Then get prepared for—"
"I didn't call you a piece of shit!" I cried out. I held my hands out placatingly. "I don't know what the problem is sir, but I would never call you that!"
"Don't you dare lie to my face!" Sanji growled while jabbing me with a finger, the force behind it strong enough to make me wobble. "I heard it clear as day! Don't think you can worm your way out of this one you piece of shit!" Sanji's pissed. Unlike before though I was surprisingly calmer about the situation. I would go as far as to say cocky. I recognized the threat Sanji proposed, but it just didn't register as something I should worry about.
I was arrogant with a capital every single letter.
"And now you're gonna' pay!"
"Like I said man, I didn't call you a piece of shit," I insisted again, "What I really meant was you're a manwhore!"
The shade of red that came on his face looked unnatural… And Luffy was laughing. My comment had him seconds away from having heat-vision to melt my skull.
"HOW THE HELL IS THAT ANY BETTER YOU JACKASS?!" he roared in my face, and I had to tilt my head back from the rain of spittle.
"Well I actually thought that," I corrected, "It was that or stupid cunt, but I made the right call, right?" I asked rhetorically as I prayed this worked. If not, Luffy was going to have to find a new first mate. "So yeah! You, are a massive manwhore!"
"You son of a bitch!" Sanji shouted at the top of his lungs, "Your friends are going to have to scrape you off the wall when I'm done with—"
"WAIT!" I hollered the loudest I could. It was sudden and threw Sanji off for a moment, but a moment was all I needed.
"NOW FOR PART ONE OF MY PLAN!"
"H-Huh? What in the Hell—"
"DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA MACARENA~!"
"QUE TU CUERPO ES PA' DARLE ALERGIA Y COSA BUENA~!"
"DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA, MACARENA~!"
"HEEEEEEEEY MACARENA~!"
If were to call me stupid I would full-heartedly agree, because I felt pretty stupid. I felt like the biggest twat—idiot—blockhead, in that specific order of degradating words. I was delighted to know of the absence of technological that my world had; I was 100% sure that if the internet existed, or cellphones had been used instead of those stupid snails, that I'd be on Facebook faster than you could say 'PseudoPseudohypoparathyroidism,' three times over.
You see the first part of my plan was blatantly obvious: distraction. I had to get Sanji to lower his guard, by any means necessary. It was crucial this happened, or the rest of my plan would be shredded to ribbons. So I did the most distracting, stupendous, insane thing I could think of.
"DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA MACARENA~!"
"QUE TU CUERPO ES PA' DARLE ALEGRIA Y COSA BUENA~!"
"DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA, MACARENA~!"
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY MACARENA~!"
I'm going to have the time of my life telling my grandchildren how I did the Macarena, at the top of my lungs, in front of my friends and a giant crowd… on a ship that looked like a fish. And you'd be wrong to think I was just singing. I was doing the hand motions and the butt slap; everything!
Why? Well if I was going to fuck up, I might as well go big… OR GO FUCKING HOME!
"DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA MACARENA~!"
"QUE TU CUERPO ES PA' DARLE ALEGRIA Y COSA BUENA~!"
"DALE A TU CUERPO ALEGRIA, MACARENA~!"
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY MACARENA~!"
And to say it wasn't working is like saying I went to PornHub to only see if the plumber unclogs the sink! You should've seen the look on that blonde prick's face! Sanji was gaping at me slack-jawed in great disbelief and confusion. Nami gaped in a similar fashion, along with Usopp, Zoro, and just about everyone. As for Luffy…
"YEAH PATRICK! DANCE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMMAROW!"
... Public embarrassment better be worth it in the end!
I had everyone's attention. I was sure everyone in this restaurant was thinking, 'what in the blazes is this foolish plebian doing? Would that ruffian chef come and toss this monkey out!' as I danced and sung. Well that's what I thought, and it was a pretty good representation in my book! Sanji was finally able to get a grasp of the situation and began to yell. Sucks to be him though, part one of my plan was over.
"W-WHAT THE HELL ARE YO—"
"NOW FOR PART TWO MY PLAN!"
"—W-WHAT PLAN?! THE FUCK—"
"NUT SHOT!"
-BAM-
"GYEEEEEEEEEE!"
That was part two: a well-placed kick to the Jimmy Johnsons.
This wasn't your average nut-shot either. This was swift, full-on foot-to-testicle-and-scrotum contact. The kind that made men cry, women cringe, and God himself, turn an eye to it.
The moment foot-to-groin contact happened a high-pitched squeal was let loose from Sanji's mouth, not unlike a frightened pig. Then his legs gave out from beneath him and he fell to his knees grasping his nonexistent-family jewels, then went onto his side, curling up into a tight ball.
As I looked down upon my fallen opponent, who was muttering what could have been a string of curses or just plain, old ill will upon me, I had to wonder why people just didn't just aim there more often. 'It's a pussy move! It's not honorable! It's not manly!'
Well here's some food for thought stupids! It doesn't matter if it's honorable or not! The point of fighting is taking a person down quick and efficiently, and swift kick to the dick will do it!
You could take out anyone! Some random fat guy! George! Cthulu… Does he have a penis?
Not Terry Crews though. He had "Double Sun Power" for a reason! Also he's jacked; his blood was probably pure testosterone.
Yeeeees~! All according to keikaku. All according to keikaku.
"Did you seriously start singing and dancing like an idiot just so you could kick that guy in the nuts?" Zoro asked me with a look that said he had a hard time understanding what just happened
"Zoro I will do a lot if it means I can avoid an ass-kicking," I spoke, with honest words.
"What the heck were you singing anyways, and that weird dance too?" Usopp questioned. "It looked like some kind of curse."
"It was," I said half-hazardously.
"OH MY GOD YOU CAN DO CURSES! THAT IS SO COOL!" Luffy cried out, his eyes glistening with a weird brightness. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU COULD DO CURSES?! THAT MEANS YOU CAN BE OUT CREW'S WIZARD!"
"Luffy, I was over exaggerating," I explained to his small mind.
"Over-what now?" By the Gods! Luffy!
"It wasn't a curse. I lied."
Luffy groaned dejectedly. "Wha'! Why'd ya' do that?"
"Because I'm an ass," I answered, folding my arms across my chest and heaving a sigh. My annoyance with Luffy vanished like smoke though when something grabbed me around the ankle. Next thing y'know my leg was pulled out from under me and I collapsed onto my back-side. "Ouch what the fuuuuuooooooh boy!" I cried out. Surprise turned to fear making my words shift in mid-sentence.
Sanji had me by the leg. I found that to be somehow ironic for some misplaced reason.
"You… b-bastard." Who knew words could have such hate in them! "Y-You. Are. Dead!"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAHH!
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAHH!"
Shit-titty-ass-cocks! This wasn't supposed to happen! I was supposed to dance and sing, then I'd kick him in the balls, then I'd… I'd… Oh.
I didn't think that far, I realized in astonishment, Why am I such a goofer?
Sanji's face had twisted with maddening anger, the same way the sea contorts under a violent storm. He grabbed me by the other leg and pulled me in, and I suddenly couldn't help but compare my situation to that of a defenseless, Japanese schoolgirl that was about to be put into a bad situation with a tentacle monster.
NOPENOPENOPENOPE!
"Usopp!" I called out as I tried to crawl away, only to be pulled in further by Sanji's superior strength! "Operation: "Terra-Spear" is go!"
"W-What?" Goddammit Usopp!
"GIVE ME A FUCKING CHAIR! GIVE ME A FUCKING CHAIR!"
And so I was handed a chair, which I used to hit Sanji over the head. My blow wasn't strong enough to actually hurt him, nor did it break over the stupid cook's head, but it was enough. His viper-grip on my ankles loosened and soon I was running away like a majestic doe!
"AIAIAIAIAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!
I'm sorry did I say doe? I meant like a little girl.
"HEEEEEEEELP! HE'S GOING TO RAPE MEEEEEEEEEEE!"
I sprinted away from with a burst of fear and adrenaline and pulled out Slaying Moon from my pocket in order to activate it at a seconds notice. I weaved through tables like a needle and thread, scaring off patrons as I passed by. I felt I was at a safe distance so turned back to see Sanji on his feet again, and he was angry-angry-angry.
Well I might as well aggravate him more!
"COME OVER HERE YOU SONOVA' BITCH!" he roared with monstrous wrath. People began to move.
I slapped my knees twice. I slapped my stomach twice. I slapped my chest thrice.
"YOU WANNA' GO MOTHERFUCKER! I WILL 420 NO-SCOPE YOU BITCH! GET REKT!"
Truly I'm a gentleman, m'ladies. One that new proper etiquette of the ages.
"COME AT ME BRO!"
"I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!" Sanji roared and—OH SHIT! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Sprinting! Running! dodge! Don't trip! These were my thoughts as I maneuvered by tables with an enraged chef on my tail. Customers ran and jumped out of the way of our reckless cat-chase, and for good reason. As I knocked over chairs and tried not to fall over when I nearly ran into tables, Sanji was basically the kid who trained for "Hopscotch Olympics." All those years of catering and being a waiter here had made it easy for him swiftly move by table—OH CRAP MOVE!
"AIIIIIH-I-H-I-H-I-H-I!" I let out pathetic squeal and I ducked into a roll to dodge a flying kick from Sanji. He had given up on running through the obstacle course of furniture and decided to just hop along the tables like a frog hopping to Lillie pads.
"You ready! I'm going to kick you're fucking head off!"
Oh, he sounds maaaaaad~…
Slaying Moon was active for the first time today, the black Spiritual Energy flowing out from the Combat-Pass to take on its swastika shape. It was held out in front of me, close to my body in preparation for any other anything Sanji was willing to "throw" at me. And just in time too, as Sanji jumped into the air and loaded off a barrage of kicks.
-BAM- -BAM- -BAM- -BAM- -BAM-
Thankfully the power of plot was on my side today, and I was able to maneuver Slaying Moon so that it could take the full brunt of his attacks, absorbing most of the impact behind it. It was enough to slide me back some and hit the table behind me. I recovered though, and decided my best option was to continue running. With the threat Zeff forcing me to work here if I broke something, I didn't want to throw anything off. I knew that in the end it wouldn't matter because beating Krieg was basically a free-ticket to leave, but I didn't want to work here.
Despite my strong work ethic I was really lazy.
Sanji jumped toward me in a spinning kick. A curse flew out of my mouth as I ducked under him feeling airflow over me. I didn't waste time when I spun around to face the table behind me that he landed on, to block another kick. I was pushed back once again.
"For a piece of shit with a big mouth, you aren't bad," Sanji commented dully, hints of his bubbling rage in the back of his voice. His leg whipped out I blocked, but he kept on leaning in to push down on me. His hate from earlier was not gone. "Especially with that weird weapon of yours."
"Th-Thanks," was the snarky reply I grunted, "I tr-try my be-st."
He grunted back. "Well your best isn't good enough!"
It was at this moment was I shown the gap in our powers. Two more kicks came my way but I held them off with Slaying Moon. He jumped over my head, throwing two more kicks in mid-flight like bullets. I was able to block the first one, but the second caught my shoulder and I let out a cry of pain. When he landed, he chambered his leg and shot it out, and—
-BAM-
Ouch… My stomach…
Ceiling. Floor. Ceiling. Floor. Ceiling. Floor. Ceiling, floor, ceiling, floor, ceiling, floor, ceiling—floor—ceiling—floor—ceiling—floor—
-THUMP-
… Wall…
I groaned when I slid down the wall and I fell onto all fours. My back, head, and diaphragm seared with the utmost agony. Sanji's last kick did it in for me, and God did it hurt! No wonder he was able to break bones and splinter wood, his legs were fucking powerful! I and pulled out an arm from under me to feel my ribs and winced. Were my ribs broken? I hoped not.
He was playing with me the entire time, I realized quickly. I wasn't mad about it. Sanji had years of training, just like Zoro and Luffy had. He has a lot more experience under his belt than I do; that last blow proves it! And that power! Damn! If I took that to the head it would've been lights out for me!
Up... Up... Up! I got to my feet with a groan. I looked to see—GOD DAMN SANJI!
The chef was on me again like a bad fart. He lashed out with a kick that I just managed to block, but the force behind it lifted me off my feet. I hit the wall a second time and let out a pained grunt. He tried to switch legs to strike again, but this time I was ready. I lashed out at him with Slaying Moon, swung it wildly, before making a break for it.
Why isn't anyone helping me! I looked for some of the chefs, because surely they would've come out by now in all of the commotion! But no I didn't see them anywhere!
Just what the hell are they doing?!
If you were to peak inside the kitchen doors of the Baratie, you would see the many faces of the chefs who were responsible for the production and creation of the delicious and equally nutritious dishes for the customers whom they served, peeking out the double doors that lead to the dining area of the floating restaurant.
Currently they were watching as their colleague Sanji rampaged across the ship, chasing after the shmuck with the weird boomerang, who was unlucky enough to piss him off.
They watched as the guy was just able to duck under Sanji's kick with a girlish scream. Their customers were running for the walls in hopes of staying out of the confrontation, abandoning their tables and food for safety. The only ones who hadn't run was some green-haired guy, a long-nosed kid, a ginger gal, and that idiot chore boy who literally broke everything he touched.
But that wasn't important. What mattered was that Sanji was storming through the restaurant like a raging bull, and there was nothing they could do. And while he hadn't made any major damage to their lovely ship, that was practically a home to them, it was only a matter of time before he did something they could not fix. Sanji had to be stopped!
"TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!"
-CRASH-
"I'M NOT A MAN!"
But while on one hand they wanted to stop him, they didn't want to get caught up in his fight either. Some of the chefs had been unlucky enough to be caught on the wrong end of Sanji's leg, and they knew the damage they could cause.
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
-CRASH- -CRASH- -THUNK-
Sure, they could've gone to Boss Man Zeff to end this debacle, but he had gone up to his room for some rest, what with that stupid Marine officer and crazed pirate running a muck. And you do not wake up Boss Man Zeff when he's taking his nap.
Some of the cooks, the ones that'd been working at the Baratie for years, remembered a time when some poor idiot, a newbie with only a few weeks under his belt, decided it would be the good idea to wake up the man with marvelous moustache because of some unclear directions.
What had happened had been burned into their brains forever.
"WHAT THE— (-BAM-) —HELL DO YOU— (-CRASH- -SMASH-) —THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
"GYAAK!"
-CRASH- -BAM- -CRUNCH- -THUNK-
"I'M SOOOORY! GYAHH!"
"YOU'RE SORRY?! (-SHINK- -SHINK- SHINK-) I'M SORRY I HIRED A LITTLE SHIT LIKE YOU!"
"I UNDERSTAND! I UNDERSTAND!"
That day was never forgotten. The idiot ended up with a broken nose, a swollen-shut black eye, and two broken fingers. The moment he could though, the kid quit (Though Zeff always said he fired him, and nobody questioned him on it), and caught the next boat out of their with his tail between his legs.
On that day a silent rule was made: never wake up The Boss while he's napping.
But that left them all in quite the unpleasant bind that surely lead to a horrible end. They could not stop this fight, and going to Zeff was pretty much out of the question for them too. So that only left them with one option left.
Make bets.
"I'm betting 50 Berris that Sanji smashed the kids head into the floor," called Patty.
"I say the kid puts up a bit of fight before going down for… 45 Berris," was Carne's paused answer.
Some other chef, Carlton, rubbed his chin. "I think Sanji will get his ass handed to him on a silver platter when Zeff sees the mess he's caused," he finally bet. "I'm betting 150 Berris."
There was a pause from both of them.
"When you put it like that Carl…"
"Now that I think about it—"
"Nope!" Carl crossed his arms and gave a mild glare. "Don't be a baby! Hold up to your bets!"
Truly the "mighty" chefs of the "floating oasis" of the East Blue, were doing all that they could.
"HOLY SHIT!" I cried while dodging another kick. I bent to let another go by. "MOTHERFUCKER!"
"You ready to give up yet?!" Sanji roared.
"GYAAAAAYAAAYAAAYAAARGH!" I answered back.
So the chefs aren't helping! Well what about everyone else? I waved to my crewmates for support.
"Hey Patrick!" Luffy waved back. "You sure made this place a whole lot funner!" He proceeded to laugh.
Zoro was watching at his seat at the table, one of the many tables that hadn't fallen over, drinking what looked like beer, enjoying my execution like some show. Usopp was looking very unsure on what to do, and Nami looked very displeased about the situation I had caused.
I felt for her, I was very displeased about the situation I had caused too.
Damn it why won't they help me?
I couldn't see Zoro coming to my aid. I got myself into this mess and I'm sure he expected me to get myself out of it. Luffy… yeah. I didn't expect much from Usopp, he wouldn't be very useful in this situation. And Nami was an obvious answer. We despised one another.
Oh God, I'm on my own! I cried inwardly.
I was outsmarted, out-beaten, and surely defeated in other ways I wasn't about to list. And it was all because of my big mouth. So in my moment of absolute despair, I used my last ace in the hole.
I prayed… to whatever. Because being here really screwed up my concept of their being "God," "Gods," "Soul King," or just "Oda."
Oh Lord in whatever, please save me! I'll do everything in my power to keep my mouth shut! I'll be nice to Nami, I'll help people, and I won't be an egotistical ass! And—
-BAM-
Oh good day to you Sir Floor, my good old friend! Isn't it unusual how we seem to meet up in such strange situations? And don't think I don't see you over there Madam Pain And Agony! How have you been; how are the children?!
But seriously, ow! My face and back!
Obviously Sanji's (Who else could it be?) foot had connected again, and hit me in the back, making me fall to the floor in pain. I rolled over to see Sanji standing over me.
"Any last words?"
"Gyeearghaahahgyargphh!"
Sanji didn't say anything to my gargled cry and instead decided to finish it. His foot came up, and though I turned my head away, I couldn't help but watch, mesmerized with horror.
But Sanji would not go any further than that! For God heard my pleading and answered… IN EGGS!
-WHOOSH- -SPLESH-
Sanji was suddenly hit with eggs. Yoke and cracked shell clung to the side of his head, sticking to his hair and drooping down his face. I looked to see Usopp! HE HAD HIS SLINGSHOT OUT! HE PROTECTED ME!
So there was a reason why he's called "God" Usopp!
"Don't worry Patrick I got your back!" he bellowed with his small frame. And I admit it was pretty cool!
"YEAH USOPP! POWER FRIENDSHIP—I MEANT FIRSHIP—FR-FRIENDSHLOP—OH WHATEVER!"
Sanji's initial surprise became only anger in an instant. He growled animalistically at Usopp, who squealed in fright, and sent him his nastiest glare.
"You want some too!"
"N-No! I-I-I don't!" Usopp was scared. But he wouldn't be for long, as I'd put his distraction to better use.
Using what little time I'd been gifted with, I kicked Sanji's leg out from beneath him. Without any proper balance, Sanji was sent tumbling down to the ground for the second time today. I got to my feet and swung Slaying Moon at his body a few times before I sprinted for the exit! Freedom!
"UUUUUOOOOOOOOOHH!" I roared with a strong will and mostly adrenaline, but the point was targets sighted! LOCKED ON! "TO FREEEEEDOOOOOOM!"
I heard Sanji from behind me, and whether it was anger directed at Usopp or me I didn't care! I could see the gates to Heaven within my reach… right… about… NOW!
I used my forearms to smash open the double-doors to the entrance of the Baratie, like some angry ram chasing after the butt of the sad human who was dumb enough to taunt it. I was on the small area that served as the Baratie's deck, and I spotted the small ship Johnny and Yosaku had lent us.
AKA: My escape vehicle.
I sprinted over to where the ship was tied and began to fiddle with the rope that kept it tethered. Damn the knot was tight but I think that if I pull out the piece of rope right...
...I don't how to sail a ship, I suddenly had the realization, I should really learn to how to—
Then the doors slammed open to reveal an angry, egg covered, pissed off, eggshell splatter, enraged—o-o-ok the point was made. Sanji was suuuuuuuuuuuper~ pissed off. His body shook with barely contained wrath of a billion supernovas. And there was no doubt in my mind that his anger was directed towards a certain Fullbringer that was a bit arrogant and egotistical.
It was I. I was the arrogant and egotistical Fullbringer. I was the only arrogant and egotistical Fullbringer.
"You… are… DEAD! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
I… I think I've spent enough time here. I think I should leave.
I got to my feet and went into a wide-standing stance, my arms out in front of me with my hands open. I looked like a football player ready to receive all of Sanji's built up aggression before I took a glance at the ocean.
Should I jump into the ocean and swim to the Going Merry? I thought at that second.
Hmmm, let's see. Jump into the ocean… Death. Both seemed like viable options, with equally good—
"OK! NOPE—NOPE—NOPE—FUCK YOU!"
-SPLASH-
I jumped feet-first into the ocean. It was cold as balls and I suddenly had regrets. My eyes were burning, and some water went up my nose, but I wouldn't let that deter me! My life was on the line and I was going to let a little salt-plagued water get in my way!
BREASTSTROKE—BUTTERFLY—DOGGY PADDLE—FREE STYLE—SWIM, SWIM, SWIM, SWIM, SWIM!
Over the cold ocean water sloshing in my ears with each stroke I could make out the roars of an angry chef with the libido of a horny chihuahua yet to be neutered. I thought that Sanji, with all his hate, was going to follow after me, because he looked like he'd follow me though rain, sleet, and snow, and overall to the entrance of Hell.
God said 'Nope!' though, and Sanji just stood at the edge of the deck cursing me out, calling me a bitch, a pussy, and whole bunch more rude names in his violent anger. I could see Nami and Luffy come out, along with some patrons and chefs too. In the end I was safe now from the crazy, perverted, weird-eye-browed chef though. That's what's truly important.
There were no more threats around me, so I began a 20-minute journey to the Going Merry. We hadn't anchored that far off from the Baratie, making the distance swimmable. I'd been fending off one berserking Sanji from sticking his shiny shoe up my ass, so I was tired and achy all over. Not to mention I was watching out for any sharks that decided they wanted to fill their fishy-bellies with Patrick-Yum-Yum Meat.
But the thought of a nice shower, laying in my cozy hammock under my warm blanket, and forgetting this crazy day ever happened was more than an incentive to continue.
And after getting through the bitchin' mishap of climbing up the Going Merry's side I stood on the deck.
I'm wet, my backside is hurting, and I feel like curling up into a ball. That sounds like a bad case of Prison Bitch Syndrome.
Johnny and Yosaku ran up to me asking what had happened, like why I had swam back, or why I was covered in bruises.
They started to freak out too, and began to go all crazy.
"I knew we shouldn't have gone on that ship!" roared Johnny pathetically.
They began to cry too.
"Big Bro Zoro, Big Bro Luffy, Big Bro Usopp, Big Sis Nami! NOOOOOOOOO!" Yosaku cried out with crocodile tears.
Then they began to say stupid stuff.
"Let's go save them guys!" roared Johnny while raising his cleaver. Yosaku joined him.
So I took the time to calm them down, reassuring them that everything was all right, that the crew was ok, and told them to shut up and do whatever they'd been doing before (Which involved tic-tac-toe, card games, or that Japanese version of chess). I made a beeline to the bathroom after dealing with that nonsense and bathed in warm water that felt almost heavenly.
Soon I was laying in my hammock under my blanket, with a new pair of clothes on with my old ones in a soggy bundle in the corner. I shuffled my body onto my right and pushed my head deep into the pillow.
Let's just forget this day ever happened, I thought as exhaustion took me into his/her/its hands and dragged me into slumber. Hopefully when I wake up everything will blow over and be ok.
It wasn't…
Do you know how I imagined waking up? First I thought of just waking up, and then I imagined that this was just a dream and I'd just wake up in my dorm room. After that I just thought that that I'd wake up in a hospital room and a doctor would come in and tell me I had been in a coma.
But how I woke up was not how I imagined.
"YOU SON OF BITCH! WAKE THE HELL UP!"
-SMACK- -BAM- -CRASH-
"AARGH!"
Because "Queen Bitch-Skank-Whore-Cock Loving" Nami decided to wake me up with a knuckle sandwich straight to the face. And it did not taste good at all… because it was a knuckle sandwich… As in her fist… As in it hurt... badly.
Her strength was enough to make me cry out in pain, flip me off my cozy hammock (That was very cozy might I add), throw my disgruntled self to the wood floor (Which fucking hurt!), and leave me in a tired mess of limbs tied in confusion.
Then I was angry and we began another pissing match between each other where I spat as many obscene curses as possible and she insulted me in every way physically possible. But it ended in her victory when she kicked me in the shin and I fell over, banging my head into the side of the coffee.
Let us leave it there. Because I don't want to go into how I was rolling around on the ground crying in pain.
After that little debacle I demanded to know just why she had decided to smite my defenseless form!
"THAT STUPID ASS STUNT YOU PULLED EARLIER LANDED LUFFY WITH ANOTHER YEAR OF WORK!"
-BAM-
"STOP THAT NAMI OR I WILL BEAT YOUR—"
-BAM- -SMACK- -THUNK-
"YOU SHUT UP! YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT TO SPEAK!"
In the end, besides my aching head and general body pain, my left eye now sported a shiny new black paint job. It stung like crap and blinking hurt, but I was in between being to lazy and just being to stubborn to put ice on it. Besides I had advanced healing now and I was going to milk it for all it's worth!
On another note where did she get that freakish strength from? It's like as soon as she got pissed off, she got STR hax and just wiped the floor with everyone. It was like she became the embodiment of Naru Narusegawa from the shit anime Love Hina. Y'know the one, that anime, that was really shitty!
Whatever, it was an anime cliché. I didn't really need to bother worrying over it. I just needed to make sure that when she's throwing fists that I wasn't on the receiving end! Then BAM, problem solved! I was so smart; who's a regular, intellectual genius? Patrick Falso that's who!
Enough with praising my overall superior greatness amongst all the other rubbish of this world though, let's get back to the story at hand.
I had gotten up from my near-catatonic state of pain to see the rest of the crew. I took notice of how the sun was setting before I met Luffy. My captain told me how funny my "fight" with Sanji was with a shit-eating grin while laughing. Zoro agreed too, finding my brush with death hilarious.
I was sending disdainful glares their way after that, but it didn't affect them in the slightest. I thanked Usopp too for his cover fire, because when the time really called for it grew a pair and helped me out! He got all embarrassed and bashful about it, which I found amusing, but the moment he went into one of his crazy spiels of 'The Mighty Captain Usopp' I decided to hightail it.
We met in the kitchen soon after. Nami had gotten Usopp and Zoro to uh… unlawfully borrow for the rest of time and space, and all of existence for that matter, some food from the Baratie's kitchen in all of the commotion. No it wasn't that we didn't have food, it's just that their food was leagues better than ours.
And with the crazy stuff earlier, I didn't want to cook.
I took a reheated leg of chicken and stuffed it in my mouth. I could've used this a few weeks ago back at college, I thought to myself as I looked around the table at everyone eating their own food. And Luffy too, who stole off of Usopp's and Yosaku's plates which they'd cry out in frustration too. Even as leftovers this stuff is to die for. I mean holy crap, it's like a bar mitzvah on my tongue!
We ate our food, though it was mostly dealing with Luffy as he took every chance he could to swipe off our plates. He had to stop though when he tried to do the same thing to Nami and she stabbed the offending hand with her fork. Being smart like I, Usopp finished all his food before the rubber idiot could snatch anything more. Gizmos lay about in front of him and he tweaked screws and twisted nuts with tiny utility tools from a tiny tool case—it was cute—not Usopp, the tools.
As for the rest of us, well we just talked, mostly consisting off Luffy, Johnny and Yosaku conversing about unusual topics while I just added in every once in a while. Things began to wind down before Nami decided to call a meeting on everything that's happened today.
Nami cleared her throat. "So besides someone screwing up—"
"In my defense," I exclaimed loudly to get everyone's attention, "I had no idea it one end up that way!"
"Who gives a crap! You nearly had us all working at that ship for entire year!" Nami yelled, slamming her hands on the table while glaring at me. "And it's all because of your big MOUTH!"
"How da' fuck was I supposed to know Swirly-Brow had fucking super-hearing!" I roared back to make my weak defense sound somewhat eligible. "I thought you'd be thanking me, seeing as I kept him from licking the bottom of your foot and humping your leg like some horny dog!" I smashed my hand into the table, making Usopp yelp when one of his devices hopped. "No wait! I bet you'd like that wouldn't you! Having you very own MAN-SLAVE!"
"Don't you even think about turning this back on me!" Nami screeched. "Because of that crazy brawl you had, who knows what could happen now," she roared scathingly, "For all we know we might be banned from stepping a single foot on the deck of that ship ever again!" She got up from her spot to point an accusing finger down at me. "And it's all your fault!"
"OH IS IT NOW!" I roared while getting up to meat her glacial glare with my blazing glower.
"THAT'S RIGHT YOU SMALL-DICKED BASTARD!"
"YOU HAVE SAGGY TITS AND A FLABBY VAGINA!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU DISGUSTING PIG?!"
Yosaku tried to step in. "N-Now guys, I think we should all just—"
We both turned to him and glared. "SHUT UP!" we shouted at the exact same time. We turned our attention back to ourselves, goading the other to say something else.
"GODDAMMIT THAT'S ENOUGH YOU TWO! STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF KIDS!"
Zoro cut in roaring like a dragon. He smashed his katana on the table and the sound of wood cracking along wood was booming. It was a judge using his gavel to silence the courtroom, and reverberated through the small kitchen. I went to lash out at the swordsman verbally, as did Nami, but Zoro's glare was both ice-cold and ragingly hot, and forcefully suppressed our anger.
It was deadly silent, with tension thicker than oil. The only thing my ears could make out was the shaky breathes of Usopp and the Idiot Duo, and the sloshing waves outside. The only person who didn't seem affected was Luffy, who was watching the scene play out in between curiosity and boredom. It was like this for a tad longer before I decided to sit down, Nami following my lead.
Johnny and Yosaku both let out a breath while Usopp gulped loudly. Our captain was eating a loaf of bread from wherever. As for Nami and I, we kept our eyes solely on Zoro.
"Patrick, Nami's right. The stunt you pulled really screwed with our chances of getting a chef from here." (Yes, our already abysmal chances...) "So that means we travelled to this place all for nothing." (What, no way! You wanted to come here because of the rumors of Hawkeye being here!)
I shook my head. I shouldn't criticize Zoro like this! I was a prideful dick, not a prideful idiot, no matter what my past screw-ups may say about me.
"Yeah, I fucked up…" I said gloomishly, looking down like a punished child. "I just, sorta panicked when he threatened to kick my ass. The threat of pain scares the testicles off of me."
"I understand—" Usopp said reassuringly.
"Me too—" said Johnny.
"I as well—" agreed Yosaku.
"Pppphhht!" I couldn't help but let out with pursed lips.
"You three shut up!" Zoro commanded and they most definitely did, along with a hurried 'sorry.' He then turned his eyes back to me, and though his glare didn't have the same power as before, his stare kept anything else from leaving my mouth. "Like I said, you royally screwed up, and what you did might just cost the crew a chance of getting a chef.
"Mm-hmm," was my rather guilty answer. If there's one way to get to me, it was through guilt. Major… major, guilt. "I'm sorry."
Zoro let out a sigh. "Whatever. It's a bit to late to get mad about it now." I let out a relieved sigh. I was glad he wasn't angry with me, I didn't want to ruin our relationship. "Besides, it was pretty funny seeing that cook cursing on the deck while you swam away," he said with a grin that I couldn't help but grin back to.
"I thought it was funny when Usopp shot that egg at him!"
"Hihihihihihi! Yeah, that was pretty funny!" Luffy agreed, giggling all the way. Johnny and Yosaku looked fairly left out. But they weren't there, so they didn't know the full insanity of what happened.
"Yeah that's right, good job Usopp!" I said as I smacked him in the arm lightly. "Thanks for saving my ass!"
"I-It's alright! Don't worry about it!" he said with an embarrassed blush that crawled up his face. "When you're ever in trouble, just count on me to have your back!"
"Still, thanks!"
"Speaking of trouble," Nami cut in, sending me a glare which I returned for convenience's sake, "Don't go doing stuff like that again!"
"What Nami said!" Luffy suddenly cut in, and I had to honestly gape as Luffy, my captain, and full-blown moron started scolding me! "Next time you do something like that, don't leave me out on it!"
I stopped gaping. Oh never mind. That's very Luffy-like of him.
"—NO!" Nami yelled whilst reaching over and smacking him upside the head. She sat back down and glared at all of us, mostly me—it was just me. "Don't go doing stuff like that again! If you do I'll punch you in the freakin' throat!"
"Aye, aye, Captain!" I said with obvious sarcasm. I even went as far as to give her a lazy forehead-salute. "I'll do just that!"
"You arrogant son a…"
"Oi, I'm the captain!" Luffy said with puffed up cheecks. "How many times do I have to say it?"
"Luffy…" Nami moaned out while holding her head, trying to fend off the headache our idiot captain was giving her. She took a deep breath. "He didn't mean it literally. It was a figure of speech. Fi-gu-re o-f sp-eech," she sounded out slowly, saying each part to him with exaggeration and emphasis.
"Literally? Figure-what?" Luffy tapped the side of his forehead. "What's with all these big confusing words?"
"Luffy," I spoke up, "Bless your heart! Bless your gold heart!"
Luffy chuckled, obviously not getting the hidden jab in my words. "Oh thanks Patrick!" he gave thanks.
Johnny mumbled, "That wasn't a compliment…" and I shot him a look to keep his trap shut.
"Sooooo~," Yosaku said in a song-ish voice, "Did you guys find a chef."
"Yep!" Luffy cut in cheerily. "I asked that cook with the funny eyebrows to join my crew!" He let out a small chuckle then. "His name's Sanji!"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait! You asked that guy to join your crew?!" Usopp said in horror, as if saying Sanji's name would summon him, like some parody Bloody Mary. Though I'm sure if that were true I'd be a bloody pulp at this point, so it's safe to assume that it isn't true. "Are you out of your freaking mind Luffy?!"
"What's wrong? He's a great cook, he can kick butt, and he has funny eyebrows!" he counted off on his fingers. "What's not to like about him?"
"He sorta' almost killed me," I voiced my opinion, "And from the way he was trying to get into Nami's pants, I don't think it'd be wise to bring him on the ship." I knew my opinion was pretty much null, along with everyone else's too, but I might as well give it my all.
"Yeah! What if he tries to get me back for hitting him with that egg earlier?!" Oh yeah, Usopp pegged him with an egg. "Nu-uh, no way! I don't want him anywhere near me!" he continued to say with constant denial.
"Whaaat? Come one don't be like that. Sanji even helped that hungry pirate guy," he explained.
"Wait. Wasn't he one of Don Krieg's men?" I pointed out. "That doesn't sound like a good guy to—"
"Hold on a sec', did you just say Don Krieg!" Johnny cut in to roar at me with the ferocity of an armadillo. I tilted my head back just incase any spittle came with his words. The bounty hunter was panicking as he shot out from his seat, his eyes were bugging straight out of his skull behind his glasses. "ONE OF DON KRIEG'S MEN WAS ON THAT SHIP?!"
"Calm down Johnny," called out Zoro, "What's the problem, you're making this Don Krieg guy sound like some big shot ."
"That Big Bro, is because he is!" Johnny yelled. He unzipped his jacket and pulled out a messy pile of papers that I suddenly recognized as wanted posters. He shuffled through them—and I swear I saw some I recognized, such as Alvida, the fat chick with magical liposuction, and the recently defeated Buggy—before he pulled out a specific one and laid it out flat on the table for all to look at. We huddled around it, and what was there there irked me dearly.
The picture was of a giant of a man. The image didn't even show the entirety of his body, yet I felt that he had to have had a height as tall as, if not taller than, Morgan. His jawline was strong, having a pronounced jaw that I felt added to his look of strength and power. On his visage was that of an angry scowl, one of displeasement. You could see it in his glaring eyes and frowning lips, promised nothing more than brutal destruction that struck like lightening. His hair, gray like dirty smoke, was a wild mane. It was not unkempt, but simply untamed, and I felt that his large sideburns helped further the image of a lion's mane. His head, tilted off to the left, cast shadows across his cheek and jaw, giving him his ruthless, and most certainly dangerous, aspect.
I stared into the image uneasily, and peeled my eyes from the powerful picture to lower them down to the words right beneath it.
DEAD OR ALIVE: KRIEG; 17,000,000 Berri
That's all it said. It didn't have anything like a title or a special name, and it didn't even say his full name. All that was there was 'KRIEG' in big, bold letters. It was short and sweet, like a glass of fine wine defiled by fast-acting cyanide. Not to mention vague and ominous—but ominous things tended to have a vague description, didn't they.
I couldn't help but feel the name was rather justified, as he ruled as one the strongest militarily pirate in the East Blue, and I was sure that he could've become an even bigger danger in the Grand Line, if he hadn't been taken down so casually, and swiftly, by Hawkeye Mihawk, like—and no pun intended—a hawk scooping up its pray to feast on its nutritious flesh.
But he had, and Luffy had dealt him the final blow in the end. Most people saw Don Krieg as nothing more than another small-time antagonist for Luffy to defeat to show fans how strong he was, and to further provide us with some form of action in which we could be kept entertained. And when you compared him to Arlong (Something I was not looking forward to) who completely outshined him, it made him look even smaller. But when you thought about it on a deeper scale this man, "Foul-Play Krieg," was a terror in the East Blue.
"So that's the guy, Don Krieg?" Usopp said with slight nervousness. "He look's scary."
"And that bounty…" I paused with a furrowed brow to give a whistle. "Jesus. That's bigger than both Kuro and Buggy."
"So whose this old guy?" Luffy asked, completely uncaring as he always was about things. "And who'd call them self Dome Kramp? That's such a weird name."
"—His name's 'Don Krieg!' Would you please take this seriously Big Bro Luffy, this guy isn't your everyday pirate!" Johnny roared at Luffy's almost impossible ability to screw up names. "He's a big player in the East Blue; one of the strongest in fact! And the fact that one of his men is here is bad news!"
I gave a nod, both at calling Don Krieg a big player in this ocean and calling him one of the strongest.
Don Krieg, on his own, was nowhere near as powerful as Arlong because of his Fishman anatomy. Arlong was both powerful physically, and versatile in the water. Not to mention his crewmembers, being of a similar race, were just like him too. But what he lacked in power he completely made up for it; quantity over quality as they say.
Before the entire 'Mihawk randomly appearing like a legendary Pokémon and going stabby-stabby' fiasco, he had a massive military force that made him an outright terror. Though I couldn't remember the exact number, I could only imagine that the amount of people under his control had to be considerably larger than the remnants of a crew he used when he tried… tries to take the Baratie, because in the anime he arrogantly spoke of having several ships—an armada under his command. This could explain why he was such a powerful force to begin with in this ocean.
There was a reason he was called the "Pirate Fleet Admiral."
"He's Don Krieg, Ruler of the East Blue." Yosaku said, equally worried.
"Ruler?" Nami questioned. "Like a king or something."
"No," Yosaku continued, "He's a pirate, the strongest in all of the East Blue. But I bet with the power he has, he probably lives like one."
"He's the captain of the Krieg Pirates, a pirate crew with a members numbering in the thousands!"
"T-T-The thousands!" Usopp repeated in shock. He looked quite pale as he leaned forward to rest his hands on the table. "You got to be kidding me? There's no way a pirate crew can have that many members!"
"But it's true. Don Krieg is one of the most powerful pirates out there. A bloodthirsty killing machine that will do anything to secure his victory! He's a cold, heartless, monster!"
Yosaku said as it is. Don Krieg was beyond savage, and outright ruthless in battle. That mountain of a man was the most treacherous of all pirates I had ever seen, committing cruel acts on levels near Crocodile and Doflomingo. He would attack his subordinates for insubordination, and sacrifice them like pawns in order to get a sound advantage, or to prove the point to his crew that he could and most likely would put a piece of lead through their skull, if they so much as disobeyed him. He'd slaughter entire villages, and sink vessels if he needed to.
"I've heard stories of him," Johnny said shakily, "He once took command of an entire Marine vessel by pretended to be a Marine. And when no one was looking, he killed off the guy in command and took over it." He stared down at the table in silence. It was quiet for that time as nobody dared to speak up.
"From then on he'd use that marine vessel to his advantage," he abruptly continued, "Everytime he entered the ports of towns, he would raise the Marine flag to fool everyone. And then, when they least expected it, he'd lay waste to them, plundering and destroying everything he could!"
"Whoa…" Usopp let out. Though I admit I was close to doing so too. The emotion in Johnny's voice had so much fear and anger in it. Just another reason to remind me that these were no longer drawings on paper, but flesh and blood. "That's scary."
"He'd use it again to fool unsuspecting cruise ships to raid them, scare of enemy pirates, and fool even other Marine ships that passed by!" he gnashed his teeth together in anger and growled out his next words. "He'd raise the white flag before attacking, sacrificed his own crew for advantages, and even lay waste to entire cities! The guy is a monster!" He repeated his claim for the second time.
"Oh boy. This guy, sure likes to fight dirty," Luffy half-heartedly said, not even caring for the list of atrocious deeds. But he didn't even know the half of it.
That man had a brain on his shoulders, even if he was completely full of himself. Don Krieg was quite the tactician and strategist; he used decoys and disguises to avoid battles deemed unnecessary. He was dishonest, unethical, and lacked basic honesty. He would stab someone in the back, hold someone for ransom, or use that twisted tongue of his to spew lies, if it could benefit him greatly in the end.
Through and through Don Krieg liked to play dirty, and I could respect that to some small degree.
"So he fights dirty," I said to play along, "That's something I can get behind." I gave my semi-false approval through a nod.
"What are you saying Patrick!" Usopp turned to me in horror of my approval. "Don't tell me you're actually ok with the horrible things this guy's done?!"
"—Of course not," I abruptly and placidly told him. "I just think that he's got the right mindset when fighting. The idea of an 'honorable battle is a well-wrapped lie made by men who could never stand a chance on the front lines against others who are leagues above them in power. The only point of battle is making sure that, in the end, you're the last one standing. And however you accomplish that is up to your own moral conundrums."
That was definitely true. In a fight you can't let morals blind you. They're a nice thing to have, and can even make you fight harder and better in some circumstances. But never let them get the best of you. Because your enemy no doubt will. So if it means stabbing your opponent in the back, gouging their eyes out, destroying a city or two, or any other tactic that may seem equally cowardice, as long as you and your side won everything was fair game.
And a human will do many things to win. Because who likes losing.
"That's a dark way to think about it—" surprisingly Nami who spoke. But I cut her off
"—Well fighting is dark, well usually," I said to her, "Who cares about all about that honor, pride, and manly stuff. It doesn't really matter when you are dead. I'd rather just kill the guy quick and efficiently and be done with it."
"You got a good point their Patrick," Zoro acknowledged. "That's a pretty good way to look at things."
Oh Zoro-shenpai! Thank you for looking and acknowledging my— I stopped it there before things got to weird.
"Well whatever! The point is we got bad news!" Johnny yelled out to get our attention. "One of Don Krieg's men was here and he's coming next!"
"No he isn't," I lied fully aware of what's to come, "The guy didn't come here, he was brought here. The Marine's caught him and he escaped." What I was basically doing was the opposite of what I should be doing, saying something like 'Yeah, he probably will come here, and try and take the Baratie and murder our faces,' or something of the sort. But I didn't know what to do.
Syrup village was still fresh in my memories. Jango roided out of control, nearly killing Zoro and I in a matter of seconds. I felt nothing but cautious about the future ahead of me. The idea that I could veer off the plot was something that always worried me, and it didn't sound enticing in the slightest. For each skew in the plotline meant less knowledge on the future events ahead. More depressingly, I had a deadline for how much of the future I knew.
I couldn't remember exactly what chapter was last out, but I did know this: Doflomingo was defeated. Dressrosa was saved. Luffy now had an alliance of pirates… And… And…
I can't remember, I thought while outwardly heaving a dejected sigh.
I knew my memories were foggy now, and while I wasn't aware how or why, but I was beyond worrying to much on it. I had more pressing matters to deal with than memory issues.
Let's see what I remember... There was the SMILE factory… Kyros and his daughter, Rebecca; they were royalty… Fairies… Fucking mountain Pica… I remembered the basic gist of what's going to happen. But all the smaller things just wouldn't come.
I have to watch my step, I told myself. I don't know exactly how much of a problem some variations can cause, but it's safe to assume that smaller things won't be that huge of a problem. But causing bigger changes is something I don't want. I nodded my head to that. I'd be careful and watched what I did, and made sure that my actions were generally beneficial to the plot at hand!
I didn't need another Jango incident happening; I didn't want another Jango incident happening!
"God dang it Luffy! You don't know that! This Gin guy could be some secret psych that loves to dress up in girl's clothes and eat babies!" Johnny suddenly roared, and I brought my attention, for a second, to stair at the increasing argument between them. "Just because someone acts super cool and nice doesn't mean they are!"
"Well Gin is!" Luffy and Johnny were butting heads as they tried to overpower one another. "Maybe he's from a different Krieg Pirates!"
"Who would be dumb enough to use the name of the Ruler of the East Blue!"
"Ruler, spuler! He doesn't look so strong! I could kick his ass!"
I watched them for a second before bowing my head and throwing it back.
… I'll probably fuck up! I thought dejectedly, throwing my metaphorical arms up in the air.
Skewing off the plot—the one thing in this entire world I didn't want to happen—besides dying horribly, because it was the first—being transformed into a girl by Invakov was third—sort of brought me into a perpetual state of paranoia and worry. One wrong step and the butterfly effect will pop up out of nowhere and One Thousand Years of Death me (CURSE ME FOR USING A NARUTO REFERANCE!) straight up the butthole.
Frustrated, I gripped my head. "Jesus-fucking-Christ. What do I do?"
While horrors evolved inside my head, in a matter of minutes things devolved in the kitchen. Zoro was pulling on Luffy by his head, doing some interesting things to his rubber skin. Yosaku and Usopp pulled on Johnny, who had got wrapped up in Luffy's rubber arms, were trying to free him. Nami was on the sidelines watching, looking on between annoyed and equally disappointed. It was too loud to think properly so I decided to book it before I got caught up in this mess too. So I left the kitchen to go to my room, but not before fetching a new glass filled with faucet-water.
I entered my room and shut the door behind me, before turning on the lights. The muffled argument in the kitchen was… muffled—so yeah. The cobra-grip on my brain was finally gone and I could finally conceive proper thoughts. I plodded over to the coffee table where most of my stuff resided, noting my wet ball of clothing—I'd have to get those cleaned—still in the corner. I kicked off my shoes, and stopped for a second to lift one foot at a time to take off my sweaty socks.
"Aaaaggh…" I moaned out tiredly as I plopped down in front of my the coffee table. I moved aside the last cup, now empty, because working with the spiritual arts got you thirsty, and sat the glass down in front of me. "Oh I'm so tired. That nap didn't do shit. My fucking eye too, God dammit Nami." I was tired… but today was a tiring day.
Not one to waste time at such a moment, I curled my index finger around the rim of the cup, letting the tip of it dip into the water. My Spiritual Energy—my Reiryoku—whichever it was supposed to be called—flooded the water and the connection was made. I didn't do anything at first, and was simply content with staring blindly into the water that glowed brightly with my power. The room's light interfered with it, but it was strong enough to shine light against me and the part of the wall the table was placed against. I sat deep in my thoughts...
What the hell am I going to do? I wondered aloud in my head.
I'm too weak to face Krieg, and from the way Sanji handed my ass to me today, I probably couldn't face Pearl either. I felt a ball of dread forming in my stomach at that thought. Don Krieg and his men would be coming here in like a few days! Maybe tomorrow; I had no clue! It wasn't specified how long Luffy worked here for! Not to mention Mihawk is coming! I'll let Zoro deal with it! I took breath and calmed myself.
I had taken into account all of Don Krieg's power at it's highest peak, his vast army, strategic mind, and ruthless ingenuity, on top of his amazing armor and that toxic gas of his, Don Krieg was, before entering the Grand Line, a force to be reckoned with. Sure he was arrogant, that's true, but at the height of its power the Krieg Pirates could match, maybe even overpower, the Arlong Pirates. That was just my consideration though.
The only reason Luffy and the Baratie chefs even beat Don Krieg was because of Mihawk intervening. It was mostly being the first attack rather than the second time. He basically ripped out the claws of a lion, before coming back to take its fangs for good measure. Without his intervention, we'd be facing a group of pirates far larger—an army numbering above a thousand people—and armed right to the teeth with guns, swords and cannons alike. And I had no doubt in my mind that Luffy's story would've ended less than 30 episodes in.
Thank you Oda for putting me on the side with the main character, I thanked as I silently commanded the water to spin in the glass, centrifugal force keeping the water flowing clockwise on the edge. I then changed the current and made it go counter-clockwise. I repeated this over and over in my thoughts. But it doesn't mean crap if I can't exactly fight them! Of course I could just fight from the sidelines… I paused at that. Maybe. I could just go of into the distance and fight like that, but when that's over I'll have to fight at Arlong Park. That won't be fun, especially with what little power I had now.
"Up," was the word that came out beneath my breath. The water bubble and wobbled inside the glass before slowly, slowly, it began to defy this world's physics. The water flowed up, out of the glass, in wisps like entranced snakes, glowing brightly with my power.
"Converge," was my second command to be called. I visualized an empty sphere floating right above my head, and imagined the water converging straight to that point. It was somewhat like the technique I used to spark my powers. The water flowed, spiraling from general directions to the center of the sphere. They fused upon that point—a new shape was made—and I took a calming breath as it was finished.
I stared with wonder and pride at my creation. Floating right in front of my face, defying the law that is gravity, was a sphere of water, the size of a softball. A grin of satisfaction came onto my face as drops of sweat flowed down my cheeks and clung to my chin. As water was a liquid, its surface made the slightest shifts, showing that the only reason it kept this form was because of my will alone. My grin widened with my barely contained happiness.
But now comes the hardest part. "Dissemble," was the only thing I had to say for it to lose form and become a floating, shapeless mass. "Down." I took a deep breath, as I visualized the water flowing back into the glass. It followed my commanded; with each deep breath spindles reached out like tendrils and flowed back into the glass. "Down," I repeated once again, and soon I—
-SLAM- -THUMP-
"OH MY GOD I'M GONNA' BLOW! I'M GOING TO EXPLOOOOODE!"
Then suddenly Luffy. That surely could've been a perfect explanation on its own, but I feel as if you guys deserve more in-depth descriptions.
I was so close, so… close…—like seriously, so close—to putting all the water back into the glass. But then out of nowhere Luffy came in! He slammed the door open to my room—which now made me realize one of the downfalls of claiming this space—with his pants around his ankles. Honestly an unusual sight to see, but I had bore-witness to weirder things here. He hopped his way to the bathroom before slamming the door behind him.
That was enough though to make me lose my concentration. The last bit of water, a little less than half, was caught under gravity's spell and splashed into my lap, soaking my pants.
... Deep breaths… Deep breaths… Do not lose yourself to hatred...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I heard Luffy moan in relief on the other side of the door. "OH MY BLADDER! SWEET RELIEF!"
Do not… Don't…
"God-fuckin-damn-it-Luffy—" I mumbled under my breath all at once. I let out a soprano-sounding sigh while lowering my head down. I looked back down at the wet coffee table… my wet pants…
Why was I still apart of Luffy's crew?
Because he saved your life, I said to myself, When you wanted to abandon him and run away he still saved you.
"Oh yeah," I sighed while rubbing my face.
It was simple: Luffy saved me. And I don't think it was guilt of wanting to abandon them that made me stay. It was deeper. Luffy was such a great person! A heart of gold—sort of—was pumping in his chest and he just had this… thing about him. I didn't really get it when I watched the anime, but being there in person, fighting for his friends—it sounded stupid and corny from an outside perspective, but when you're put into that situation where he does everything in his power to save you… You can't help but like the guy.
I guess… what I'm trying is… I didn't regret joining this crew… now. Though I was going to go through an absolute cluster-fuck as he throws this world on its head, and face life-threatening situations time and time again—over, and over, and over—until it nearly drives me bonkers… I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stand right by him.
Geeze, I guess what Hawkeye said was true, I thought while remembering a certain quote that he said about Luffy during the Marineford Arc.
"It's not a Devil Fruit, or some cheap trick… One by one, he turns the people around him into his allies. More than anyone else sailing the seas… that man possesses the most terrifying power."
Mihawk was right, I thought to myself while shutting my eyes and a smile gracing my lips. Luffy has his own gravitational pull that just drags you in. I remembered how he'd forced me to join his crew, along with everyone else. Whether you like it or not.
"OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE BEST!"
The happy moment was gone when I opened my eyes, and let a deadpan frown come up.
I wonder how such a bumbling idiot could be such a great, charismatic, and nice guy. I gave a small snort and smiled. I already knew. It's because he's a main character, who is the stepbrother of the Pirate Kind's son and the son of one of the most dangerous revolutionaries, and the grandson of the most powerful Marine.
Asinine jokes aside I needed to get stronger, or I would die.
If I'm going to fight, against both Arlong and Don Krieg and their crew, I need to work on my powers. I thought deeply. That was something I had been spending my time doing ever since I left Syrup Village. I diligently worked on bettering my control with Slaying Moon, hoping to make it evolve into its second form as soon as possible.
Slaying Moon was a "Clad-Type" Fullbring, meaning that it covered its user—me—when activated. And while Slaying Moon's final form was both equally epic and made you look like a Power Ranger, I was focused more on the idea of having armor.
So I was spending my time on the ship's deck already. At night I'd shooting off propellers into the ocean. I would do "spiritual training" until I was completely drained of any power. I had made a few bounds forward with it, and soon I'd be capable of firing off propellers with six arms instead of my average 3-to-5.
Then there was my recent breakthrough with connecting with the souls of inanimate objects. I could go on and say how fucking excited I was about the step forward in the right direction in being OP as ever, but let's not. And soon I'd be able to some awesome stuff.
Like Bringer Light! That technique that I would find really useful towards my survival!
I wanted to learn Bringer Light—I wanted to fly super bad!
On top of that, Fullbring can be applied to just about everything. Just like in Bleach, everything here had a soul in it. I didn't exactly know the 'how?' or 'why?' for their presence but I wasn't exactly complaining. I could apply Fullbring to my clothes and make them as strong as armor maybe! And if I practice manipulating fire, well fuck me, that'll be awesome! Fullbring was versatile as it was versatile, Ginjo and Tsukishima helped prove that.
I admit it was annoying how Tite Kubo only used it as some sort of "Plot gateway" to give Ichigo his powers back, but Kubo's is the Troll God, so what else could I have expected?
But the things I could DO! I could fly, make my clothes stronger than steel, lift weights I never could, sprint faster than bullets, and control the elements to my very whim! Fire, wind, water—WATER! This planet was overflowing with H2O, and with my powers I could be every Devil Fruit user's worst nightmare!
Fullbring is such a useful power, but if I can't use it properly then it's worthless!
I wasn't going to lie and say I was fucking dandy. Working on bettering my powers was a bitch to do because it was like trying to solve a twelve-sided Rubik's Cube with my hands having inverted controls. And with the growing threat of Don Krieg and Arlong, not to mention good old Croc right over the horizon… I was scared, frustrated, and a bit mad. Zoro and Luffy had it easy, they just had to practice with swords and be all the time.
But for me it was different. Not only did I have to train spiritually, but train physically too. Fullbringers required tip-top physical condition, because unlike Soul Reapers and Arrancars, we had physical bodies and it was SO FRUSTRATING!
I felt like I was trying to carve a doorway through a brick wall with a plastic spoon! I knew I was getting somewhere but I wasn't getting there fast enough! I felt like soon I might not be able to keep up with everyone, and if that happened…
The Mario 'Game Over' tune played in my head, reminding me that my future looked sickly bleak.
"The only thing I can do now is train," I convinced myself to get off my depressing thoughts. "And I'm going to have to work double-time too!" Firing off Slaying Moon, working on controlling objects, physical workouts too… Fine, I'll do it! "I probably shouldn't limit myself to training at night though since it doesn't really matter."
I'd been doing that out of my old habit of people getting too nosy. But did it matter in the end? People were going to ask questions sooner or later.
"That means I'll have to explain Fullbring and Hollows... Soul Reapers too. Whatever, I'll do it."
I looked down at the glass of water and the mess around it. I couldn't help but feel invigorated by the harsh task I was setting myself up for. I was pumped! I was ready to do this! I was prepared for all-dayers and all-nighters to do this! And I was going to KICK SOME ASS!
LET'S FUCKING DO THIS! FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH!
"FUCK YEAAAAAaaaaaaaaaah…" My surprising, and equally embarrassing chant, died on my lips. I looked left and I looked right, and was relieved to see nobody was there. Because that would've been so embarrassing if someone that.
"What was that about?" I turned around so fast my neck cracked. Luffy stood there, his pants thankfully up this time. He looked perplexed, the rubbery nerves in his brain struggling to jump over metaphorical hurdles to pass on electrical impulses from neuron to neuron. Maybe that's why he was so stupid. The Gum-Gum fruit counteracted his brain's ability to pass on electrical impulses properly because he was rubber, making him a complete idiot. He reached beneath his vest to scratch his stomach. "You just started screaming out of nowhere, and it was pretty weird," he said casually, as if what happened didn't even matter.
I stared back quietly with randomly pursed lips, and cheeks red like cherries. If it were anyone else I would've feinted for embarrassment. But Luffy, for a lack of a better word, was a moron. This would be the only time I would praise his empty noggin, because I could at least save some face with him. I collected myself silently before blinking and taking a deep breath, thinking about my next words carefully.
"U-Um. I-I'm getting' pumped," I stated dubiously.
Really brain... really?
"It's a little chant of mine to get me prepared to do something."
"Oh ok!"
Then there was silence
"Hey Luffy?" I asked.
"Yeah?" he returned.
"Why don't you go to sleep," I told him, "And make sure to grab a good, midnight snack before ya' do!' And that's all she wrote.
"That's a great idea Patrick," he agreed with a happy, yet hungry grin on his face. "I'll go do that! Later!" he left in a bit of a hurry, probably to raid the kitchen before anyone noticed.
We should try and get a lock for our fridge, or a fridge with a lock, I thought before cutting that train of thought off at the tracks. I couldn't hear anything besides Luffy, who was most likely rummaging through our food supply, and I doubted anyone was going to come barging in anytime soon. So I looked back down at my "workstation" and prepared myself.
"Ok let's do this… but quietly."
Ding Dong Ding Dong~… Ding Dong Ding Dong~…
Do you know what that was the sound of? It's the sound of a fucking chapter.
You've been waiting on a new chapter and here it is! I made it extra long just to keep you guys happy—n-not because I sort of began going on and on. That didn't happen! And while it might be a little filler-ish, I think it's still nice.
Anyways, this was nice and I plan on getting the next chapter out as soon as I get the next chapter of Beneath The Covers done with. I think I'll intermediate between both it and Faker, I'll do one chapter after another, while giving some time to work out revisions after.
Also, I'm getting some complaints about Patrick not being strong, or strong enough yet. Let me being clear with you when I say that Patrick has little to no idea what he's doing. He was gifted with Fullbring, and has literally learn—taking baby-steps, to figure out how to properly fight with it. It's like trying to learn how to solve calculus equations for the first time in my opinion. So don't expect him to have the hang of this so easily.
But as you can see we finally have some leeway in this chapter. He can now connect his soul with things besides Slaying Moon. I plan to get him to learn Bringer Light soon, so expect that to be happening a lot. As for his Fullbring evolving, don't expect that to happen for a while, not until the whole Crocodile at least.
The reason being is that Patrick was given these powers, and now he has to slowly figure out how to use them step-by-step. He has to figure out its full potential and know how it works. For some of you this may be a slow start, but things will get for him.
Besides that, I hope you like my character development of him, as well as how he interacts with the crew. Him and Sanji will but heads, and Nami and him will probably hate each other's guts for some time. But I think that fits well with the story. But what I really want to know is if I got the character's personalities down.
Well whatever. I'll figure it out.
Anywhohow goodbye and see you again in my next chapter of Faker. And hopefully in my news story too.
Love NIGRIS, XOXO