Addicted
A/N: So it's going to be two Friday updates in a row because life. Not that I think you mind, so enjoy!
A/N: I thought I was going to make this longer, but the more I experimented with adding to it, the less I liked it; so a short little drabble this week, because I love this too much to change it.
Sirius thought he was addicted to alcohol. It numbed a bit of the pain from his parents hating him, the pain of how lost he felt, the anger he had at his situation, and the fear that sometimes tried to overtake him. But when Sirius moved in with the Potter's, his desire to drink himself under the table slowly faded away. He didn't need the numbing when the Potters kept him busy and made him feel like he mattered.
Sirius thought he was addicted to tobacco. The cigarettes forced him to be calm when he was too shaken after a mission to breathe, masked his anxieties about the war and Regulus, and veiled the fear that threatened to consume him. But when Marlene suggested they really should quit, he quit. It was uncomfortable, but after a few months, he didn't feel like he needed a smoke when things got bad. He had Marlene for that.
However Sirius was sure, he was absolutely certain, that he was addicted to Marlene McKinnon. Marlene didn't just numb the pain, she helped heal him. Marlene didn't create a fake calm around him, her kiss slowed his heart rate and her voice brought a comfort he'd only thought existed for people other than him. And when fear tried to overtake him, Marlene's very presence pushed the demons back.
Yes, he was addicted to Marlene McKinnon. The alcohol couldn't numb him enough to take away the memory of her healing love and acceptance of who he was. The tobacco's forced calm felt hollow and incomplete in comparison to the echo of her touch, her kiss, her voice. Marlene was in his blood, she beat through him each time his dammed heart pumped into his veins. She ran through his mind like a tornado, impossible to ignore. He loved her; he knew that; it was obvious. But lying awake on the couch for his third sleepless night, Sirius knew, beyond any doubt, that he was addicted to Marlene McKinnon.
And three days ago, he had his final fix.