Synchronicity

Chapter Twenty

"So what happened last night?" Mike asked as he came into Harvey's office. "Do you still have Seven Vodka as a client?"

"Of course I do." He replied, not looking up from his desk.

"So why aren't you happier about that?" Mike asked. "Rebecca didn't steal your client and everything is the way it was before this started."

"Don't you recognize that look on his face by now?" Donna asked as she came in and laid a folder on Harvey's desk. "It's the look he gets on his face when he has done something to piss Rebecca off and they aren't speaking."

"Donna…" He hoped just saying her name in his warning tone would show her he didn't want to talk about it.

"What do you think he did?" Mike asked Donna.

"My guess is it has something to do with the client." She theorized.

"If you're going to talk about me like I'm not here, can you do it somewhere else?" He requested.

"You know that if you were a jerk, you need to apologize. Right?" Mike asked.

"You know that if you don't want to get punched in the face you need to leave my office right now. Right?" He asked.

"Well that's my cue to leave." Mike chuckled.

"I'd like you to go too Donna, but obviously I won't threaten to punch you in the face." He told her. "I'll just threaten to dock your pay."

"Fine." She sighed.

After Donna left he picked up his phone and started a new text message.

I'm sorry about last night. Can we talk?

He pressed send and then waited. Usually if he texted Rebecca, she texted back almost immediately. But as the minutes passed he wondered if she was going to text back at all.

She looked so hurt and angry last night before she got into the cab. He decided to text her again.

Please talk to me.

That was going to be the last he texted because he wasn't going to beg her to talk to him. If she didn't get back to him, it must mean that this thing they had was over. And despite the heaviness he felt in his heart, he convinced himself he would be just fine if it ended now.

She glanced at her phone and saw the second text from Harvey come through. He wanted to talk. As badly as she wanted to talk to him, she decided to be strong and make him sweat it out because she wasn't sure what to say to him anymore.

He really hurt her last night when she realized he truly thought she would steal his client from him. But she would deal with Harvey later. Right now she had a lot of work to do and she needed to focus.

"So how long have you been sleeping with Harvey Specter?" Xavier asked, barging into her office.

"Excuse me?" She asked, surprised by the question.

"I saw you two as I was leaving the party last night. You were kissing. How long has it been going on?"

She took one look at him and realized that he was pissed off. "I don't know…"

"Don't you dare lie to me!" He yelled. "Were you the one that tipped him off about Seven Vodka yesterday?"

She took a deep breath. Having Xavier yell at her like this was disconcerting. She decided maybe honesty was the best way to handle him right now. "Yes. I told him about how they were shopping for a new firm."

"Did you even try to get their business?"

"I'm getting tired of people asking me that." She sighed. "I did, but they didn't want our firm. They just wanted to get Harvey's attention. Once they had that, we didn't stand a chance."

"You shouldn't have tipped him off." Xavier told her. "Then we would have been able to take his client."

"Maybe and maybe not." She acknowledged. "I truly don't think they were going to change counsel. But I'm sorry I didn't let you know the full story."

"So how long have you two been together?"

"It's been a while now." She answered, not choosing to disclose the full length of time.

"You know you're playing with a stick of lit dynamite, right?" He asked.

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"Harvey will break your heart." Xavier told her. "It's not a matter of if, but a matter of when. This thing, whatever it is you are doing with Harvey, it will explode in your face. You'd be much better off ending it now before you get in too deep."

"Thank you for your opinion." She told him. While it was completely inappropriate for him to be talking to her about her private life, she had to admit he had a point. She was playing with dynamite and there was no getting out of this without it exploding in her face.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt." He said before leaving.

She tried to get back to work but couldn't focus. The truth was, he already hurt her. With a heavy sigh she picked up her phone.

If you want to talk, I'll meet you in your office at 8pm tonight.

She pressed send. Before she even had a chance to put her phone back down, it went off.

I'll see you then.

It was uncharacteristic of him to answer so quickly. Any other time it would have brought a smile to her face. Right now though she was numb. She knew what she needed to do. Now she just needed to have the courage to do it.

Harvey glanced at the clock for what seemed like the fiftieth time. It was now 7:56 pm. Rebecca would be here any minute now, and he knew what he had to do. He had to apologize for last night. It wasn't going to be fun, but he needed to do it to get them back to where they were before.

When he looked at the clock again he noticed her figure in the doorway. "Hey."

"Hey." She came in and placed her purse on the chair in front of his desk. "You wanted to talk. So let's talk."

"I'm sorry." He said, getting up from his desk and walking around to get to her. "I was a jerk."

"Yeah." She nodded. "You were. But do you even realize why I was so upset?"

"I accused you of wanting to steal my client."

She sighed. "That's not exactly it."

"Then what is it?"

"You know, Donna likes to make fun sometimes and call me a female Harvey. I know she doesn't mean anything bad by it though so I've never taken offense to it. She just means she realizes that I am also highly driven to succeed, I like to win at almost any cost and I'm damn good at my job. But I'm not just like you. And I realized that last night."

"What are you talking about?" He was confused by her now.

"You believed I would steal your client." She pointed out. "And you thought so simply because it was my job."

"What's so wrong with thinking you would do your job?" He still didn't understand.

"Normally nothing is wrong with that. But I care about you Harvey. I care about you a lot. That should be so completely obvious by now that I shouldn't even have to say it. And to be completely honest, I care about you more than I care about making my boss happy and keeping my job. So I wouldn't have stolen Seven Vodka from you or any other client, even if I could have, because I wouldn't have done that to you. But I now know that if the situation had been reversed, you would have used every dirty trick in the book to steal my client from me. And that's what hurts the most."

"Rebecca…" He reached out to grab her but she moved back. "It's just business."

"No it's not." She argued. "You can say that all you want, but with us the line between business and personal always gets blurred."

She let that statement sit with him for a moment before continuing.

"You know, maybe I'm wrong but I don't feel like I expect that much from you." She said. "I know you're not great at relationships because you don't have a lot of experience with them. I know that you lash out when you feel scared. I know you have these incredibly high walls that you erect around yourself in order to keep from being vulnerable. And I've been trying so hard to cut you slack. But I also know that you are loyal to those you care about. You wouldn't try to steal a client from Mike, Jessica or Rachel or anyone else you care about. But apparently you'd do it to me."

She had a point. If the situation presented itself, he wouldn't have tried to steal a client from them. But he told her he would do that to her. It wasn't fair. He could say it was business all he wanted, but she was right. It blurred the line and turned personal. He could see how it would be hurtful to her.

"I thought if nothing else, we had worked on trust." She continued. "I thought you knew by now that I was on your side and that I wouldn't betray you. I thought maybe I had clawed my way into your life and you cared about me. I thought I was more than just someone you have sex with. But I think I was only fooling myself. You let me in just enough to make me feel like I'm making progress and then you smack me right back down again."

He knew where she was going with this speech. Any moment now she was going to say goodbye to him and walk out his door forever. He watched her face and knew she was speaking but her words sounded muffled. As much as he tried to tell himself that ending the relationship with her would be ok and he would be ok, he didn't believe himself.

She was wrong. She had clawed her way into his life. He had her body wash and shampoo in his shower. She kept clothes at his place. He started keeping the junk food she liked in his pantry, even though they didn't have the same taste in junk food. She practically lived at his place, staying over 95% of the time and the most surprising part was that he liked it that way. His favorite time of the day was when he got to see her in the evening. Hell, he even let her meet his family. She knew almost everything about him and she didn't run away screaming.

He knew he had to do something. There had to be a Hail-Mary pass he could do to save this. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to her.

"It all comes down to trust. And you don't trust me." She continued. "And I don't think we should…"

"Stop." He interrupted her. "Just stop for a moment and don't say what you were about to say."

"Harvey…don't make this harder than it already is."

He could see the tears welling in her eyes and he hated that he was the cause. "What if I tell you something that only a handful of other people know about? Something that could get me and those people in a lot of trouble if it got out?"

"I don't see what that would accomplish." She answered.

"You claim I don't trust you." He explained. "This would prove you wrong. It would prove that I trust you with everything I have and everything I am."

"You can't dangle a secret like that in front of me to try and get me to stay." She sighed.

"I know you're probably leaving me." He told her, taking a deep breath. "But for what it's worth, I do want to tell you before you leave. Because you're right. We did work on trust and I do trust you. Once you hear what I'm about to say, you'll know just how much I trust you. At the very least, you'll know that you weren't a complete fool like you thought."

"I don't know if I want to know now." She admitted.

He walked over and closed the door to his office before walking to his mini bar. "You might want to sit down." He poured two drinks and handed one to her. "It's a long story that starts three years ago when I was pressured by Jessica to hire my own associate. I wanted to fund someone like me.,,"