Title: Porcelain
Author: Sepultus
Fandom: Naruto
Date: 22/5/13 (May 22, 2013)
Chapter: Nineteen
Pairings: SasuNaru (main)
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em…
Author's Note: I couldn't stop writing for this chapter. It's a good 4,000+ words longer than my average chapter. There's also a bit of a steamy part between Sasuke and Naruto. Nothing explicit or full on.

I also changed from updating every two weeks to every week on Thursday.

Please enjoy chapter nineteen of Porcelain!

I Want to Protect You

"Aren't you coming, too?"

"I can't fit through the spaces in brick walls. Just slip through and wait for me there."

"Why can't you fit? What if a Jackboot comes by? What do I do?"

"I promise, Naruto, that a Jackboot won't come by. Now, please, go and wait for me."

I stared at Shikamaru. I wanted to give a hard time. Somehow, I felt that he didn't deserve my cooperation. But he seemed silently desperate and, in the end, I trusted him, no matter what he did.

We were at the brick part of the wall. I got onto my back on the ground and pulled myself through the small brick space. Shikamaru's voice seemed to crawl through the space, too.

"I'll be right there. Don't move."

I looked up at the sky. It was still dark, and all the clouds had almost disappeared. Blue skies were guaranteed. A few streetlights flickered on and off. Most of them were off or bombed. Footsteps sounded to my left and I pressed myself against the wall as if that would provide me enough cover to hide myself from whomever it was walking up the sidewalk. But, just as Shikamaru promised, not one Jackboot had come. Shikamaru's face became clearer as he came closer. He was cleaner looking, but really tired. It seemed that he received less sleep than he did before he left.

"Follow me. And stay close."

We walked across the street and into the darkness of the city. With hardly any streetlights and the moon dark in the sky, I didn't know how Shikamaru was navigating his way through the darkness. I could barely see my own hands in front of me. My movement must have woken up the lice in my hair because my head started itching. I could feel them crawling around. I knew with a bit of time I would get used to the feeling, but I still couldn't help trying to scratch them away anyway.

We walked for a long time. Shikamaru had to help me sometimes when I ran into things or lost sight of him, and a few times, we had to hide when we heard other people walking about. They were usually other Jackboots, who smelled heavily of alcohol and cigarette smoke. My feet started to ache, and as the sun had started to peek over the edge of the Earth, I was able to recognize what part of the city we were in. We had nearly walked half way across the city it seemed. We were approaching the river when we finally stopped.

"Wait here," and Shikamaru skidded down the side of the bank, leaving me at the top to watch the sunrise. It was beautiful, to say the least. It had been the first sunrise I had seen in a very long time. The city before me, though destroyed, had a strange peacefulness about it that enhanced the profound feeling of the sunrise.

Out the corner of my eye, I saw Shikamaru waving at me to come down. I wasn't as graceful as Shikamaru going down the side of the bank; I tumbled most of the way down. Shikamaru helped me up to my feet and led me upstream along the river. Many questions raced through my mind. I wanted to ask him all of them, but I felt that I should let him bring up what it was he was going to tell me. But there had been one question that I couldn't help but ask.

"Can I take a bath?"

He looked back at me, surprised. "A bath?"

I shivered. My skin was itching for a bath. I hadn't had a bath since I visited the orphanage for the first time back in the Spring. And I couldn't go bathe in the river when I went out looking for food because Jackboots usually hung about the river with their girlfriends and other Jackboot buddies. I would have gotten shot before I could think to strip my clothes off.

"I need to take a bath, Shikamaru," I said, tugging on his hand. He pulled away from me and smiled.

"I know, Naruto, but not now. We have to keep moving. We've lingered here too long now."

"When will you tell me what's going on?"

"Soon."

We continued up the river until we came to the large stone-slab steps that led up to the top of the banks of the river. Once we were at the top, I realized were we were going. I could barely hold in my excitement as we walked down the familiar street where the silent lady used to sit on the street corner, looking mean. And just ahead, I could see the bombed out barbershop.

My cellar.

I wanted to run ahead and pull up the latch, but Shikamaru wouldn't let go of my hand. He came up to the door in the ground, and moved away the rubble that had fallen on top of it. I saw where the latch had been burned shut and where it had ben cut open again. Shikamaru stepped aside, nodding his head. My happiness overflowed into the alley as I pulled the latch open. I jumped in, nearly falling down the stairs.

Everything had been as I left it. Nothing had been damaged. It was as though I had only left a few hours ago and came back again. I spun around in the open space, laughing and crying. Joy that I could never properly describe filled my tiny body. Amidst my spinning, I tripped over something and heard a gasp. I couldn't tell if it had been my own or Shikamaru's as I fell to the ground. I gulped for breath, the fall having knocked the air out of my lungs. Shikamaru leaned over me, smiling slightly. He helped me back onto my feet and walked me over to the mattress. He lit a few of the candles before sitting down beside me.

As I was still trying to catch my breath, Shikamaru spoke first. "It makes me happy to see that the cellar is the still the same and to see that smile on your face. But I didn't just open it for you, Naruto."

I looked at him then, wondering what he could possibly have meant. "Do you mean that the boys could come and we can all live in here now?"

"No, Naruto," he said, a sad smile in his voice. Shikamaru didn't look at me for a moment, and then he turned to me and stared me right in the eyes. The smile that had been in his voice hadn't been on his face. I didn't understand what Shikamaru could mean, and I felt the instinct to back away from him. Run and flee. But I could not. I had to make myself understand what he was going to tell me. "I have been going back and forth around the city helping a two families escape being prosecuted by the Jackboots."

There were even more people to be hauled into the enclosure? It was overcrowded as it was. It really didn't need any more people in it.

He continued. "I have personal and close ties to both of these families." He paused. He had looked away as he had been talking, and he looked at me yet again. The candles flickered, sending odd shadows across the wall. Shikamaru's dark eyes held little orbs of light in them, flickering as the candles did. "One of the families had been the Uchiha Family. They…"

Uchiha? I looked at Shikamaru. I could see his lips moving, but I couldn't hear Shikamaru anymore. The Uchiha. Sasuke Uchiha. The Jackboots were going after Sasuke's family? But weren't they Germans? Germans weren't Jews, right? Germans were… Germans! They were powerful and controlling and mighty. Better than all other people combined! Nothing could touch a German. That was what I had believed. Speaking the language didn't get a person anywhere. Shikamaru, Shino, and Gaara had been examples of that. They were Polish, like me, and they had just happened to know the language. They didn't have the power and prestige that real Germans had. There was no way the Jackboots could have gotten Sasuke. Nor Chlodna Pani or his brother. Anyone.

I stared into Shikamaru's eyes looking for an answer. He had still been talking, and suddenly, I became angry. I failed! I was supposed to be listening so that I could understand! I wanted so badly to just understand what was going on. For once, I wanted to be on the level Shikamaru was on. I wanted to be able to protect everyone with the things I knew and could understand, like Shikamaru and Shino did. They knew nearly everything, and were able to protect all the boys on a daily basis. And here was Shikamaru, leaving us, hurting Chouji in the process, to protect two families. To protect Sasuke Uchiha. I wanted to protect Sasuke! It was supposed to be me that protected Sasuke! Me! But what could a small, stupid boy like me do?

"Naruto, calm down!" Shikamaru shook me. I hadn't known that I had been voicing my thoughts aloud, because Shikamaru had been saying things like, "It's okay if you don't understand" and "You are able to protect those you love in other ways." But I didn't believe any of it.

"I just want Sasuke to be okay!" I screamed. I was crying uncontrollably. I could feel the snot running down my face. "I…" I cried into Shikamaru's shirt. It felt so clean.

"It's okay, Naruto. Listen—"

"No! No! No, it's not okay! The Jackboots are after Sasuke! And I can't do anything to help him!" I rammed my fists into Shikamaru's stomach. I could feel his ribs, but they weren't as prominent as mine. "I'm just a stupid boy! A stupid Polish boy!"

"Naruto!" A new pair of hands grabbed me from behind. Slender, but strong hands. They turned me around shook me lightly. I couldn't see who it could have been past my tears. "Listen. Sasuke is fine. We are fine."

What?

Because of my episode, I hadn't noticed that new people had entered the cellar. Some faces vaguely familiar, and the others completely unrecognizable. They all looked very tired and worn out. But once my eyes found what I had been looking for, I couldn't look away.

Despite the tired marks on his face, he looked just as he did all those months ago. Nothing about him had changed. He was still skinny, but a healthy, lively skinny and his cheeks weren't sunken in. He was fine. He had been fine. But I hadn't been fine, I realized. While I would never voice it aloud, I had been a complete wreck on the inside, and it showed during times of extreme stress, like my episode a few moments ago, or the day my heart had been broken.

It had been Itachi gripping my arms, and he eventually let me go to sit me on the mattress. Not once did I look away from Sasuke. I felt that if I looked away, he would disappear before I could even utter a word to him. He looked back at me, and I couldn't know what he could be feeling. His face remained emotionless. He was just tired-looking.

I broke free from Itachi's light grip he had on my hand and walked over to Sasuke. I didn't care that my face was messy from crying. I put my hands on his stomach. It was muscular, the complete opposite of me. Everything that made Sasuke, and everything that made me were complete opposites. He put his pale hands on my shoulders, pushing me back a little ways. But hadn't been any rejection or malice in the gesture no matter how it looked to outside eyes or what Sasuke tried to mean by it.

"Dobe," was all he said.

It made sense suddenly.

The other family, the Hyuuga Family, had been a prominent family in Warsaw. I had heard the name several times before the Jackboots came, but I never thought I would see the people that carried the name. They were beautiful people. A trait among them seemed to be long, dark hair and pale, pale eyes. It was eerie, really. They had been talking about the arrival of Himmler in Warsaw, and how they knew they had to leave before the Jackboots (they called them a very odd name. 'Nazi' I believe it was) came for them. That reminded me of that day, when Kiba had asked Shikamaru and Shino who Himmler had been.

Shikamaru had denied it, but he had known about Himmler and his involvement in relocating the Jews. He knew what would be doing when Himmler had finally come. Why hadn't he told anyone? Did he not trust us?

Shikamaru wasn't there at the moment I wanted to talk to him. He had to scope the city, he had told me, to see if it was okay for the two families to go back home. Because of their wealth and vague Jewish ties, they were targets for the Jackboots, but able to keep them at bay. But they couldn't have done anything against a person like Himmler. So it had been better to be out of country when he had come to Warsaw.

From one of the young children of the Hyuuga family, I learned that this wasn't their whole family. The even richer, and thus more important part of the family had been able to escape to a place called America before the war started. The remaining family had been left behind to see over whatever the richer side of the family couldn't initially bring and protect it so that after the war ended, they could come back to retrieve it. I hadn't really believed that a family could really do that to its own blood, but it was apparently true, as some of the elder Hyuuga nodded in confirmation.

While it felt good to be back in the cellar, I knew I couldn't stay there. My cellar was halfway across the city from the enclosure. I couldn't bring what food remained in the city to the boys if I tried to live again in my cellar. It just wasn't possible. I had noticed during the long walk to the cellar that I became tired a lot easier than before. As I replayed the walk in my mind, I had started to recognize certain landmarks and remaining buildings that had been quite far from the cellar. If I had tried to run to those places like I used to do, I would most certainly collapse. I wasn't as strong as I used to be.

I peered over to Sasuke, who lay on the mattress with his arm over his eyes. He had fallen asleep in that position many hours ago and hadn't woken up or shifted since. I didn't take Sasuke to be the kind of person to sleep very often, so he must have been very tired from moving place to place. I was sure he just wanted to be back in his own house again, just like how I had wanted to be back in the cellar. Next to him was a older Hyuuga boy called Neji. He was sitting up against the wall, his arms crossed, his chin against his chest. His hair was loosely tied back with a piece of string; locks of hair fell in his face anyway. He was also asleep.

Shikamaru came back soon enough, and escorted the Hyuuga family away. I had waved goodbye to the Hyuuga boy Neji, but he only glared at me as he ascended the stairs. Maybe he had still been groggy from his slumber.

Chlodna Pani had left with Shikamaru and the Hyuuga family (I had tried to wake the Uchiha brothers so that they could leave, too, but Shikamaru told me that she didn't want to wake them just yet), so it was just Itachi, Sasuke and I left in the cellar. Itachi was on the other side of Sasuke lying on his stomach. His hair wasn't in its usual tress, but braided and rolled into a messy bun. It had been getting hotter with each passing day, and the cellar, while a lot cooler than outside, had been warm nonetheless. Having his hair down would have definitely made him too hot and uncomfortable.

There wasn't anything for me to do. Even though I wanted to wake them and talk to them and ask them about the past month or so, I had to let them sleep. They really needed it. I decided that I should just go to sleep. I hadn't slept well since the families had come. I had felt that I needed to be alert in case something bad happened. I needed to protect them. But my body was starting to protest and I had started falling asleep randomly. I knew that we would be safe. Shikamaru moved debris over the latch to make it appear that no one could get in, but it wasn't enough to where we wouldn't be able to get out if we needed to.

"We're safe here…" I said aloud in a whisper. Saying it aloud made my body relax and I laid down next to Sasuke, where Neji had been and fell into a deep slumber.

Cheese. Cooked meat. Some kind of creamy dish. My God, I think I smelled food. I followed the scent of the food for what felt like to me an eternity, but then, as I found myself getting closer to the source of the food, I started hearing noises.

Rattling. Voices. Shuffling of feet against the old wooden floorboards. Did someone bring food? What's going on?

I opened my eyes and sat up right, looking around for the food. And of course, there hadn't been any food in sight. I moved to stand up to my feet, my back cricking and cracking along with my fingers and neck as I moved them around and stretched. I wrapped my arms around my torso, and gently rubbing my sides, slightly tickling my ribs. The voices were real, and not a part of my dream. The smell of food, however, was not. My stomach growled, its way of fussing at me for getting it excited for food that wasn't actually coming.

Shikamaru and Itachi were sitting at my low table in the corner, talking in hushed voices. They didn't seem to notice the growling noise my stomach had been making. I moved to take a step forward, only to nearly fall over. I had forgotten that Sasuke had been next to me, and I had almost stepped on him. How peculiar. He still lay in the same position, his arm over his eyes. He hadn't shifted not once. I stared at him.

Was he dead?

I fell to my knees and put my ear to his mouth and nose. I waited what seemed to be an eternity for breath to brush against my skin, for the sound of life to travel into my ear. I was startled at the quick intake of breath and fell off the mattress. I looked up at Sasuke, who glared back at me.

"What were you doing?"

I gulped. He didn't seem at all happy, and who could blame him? I probably interrupted the best sleep he had had in a very long time. He spoke again, in rather frightened tone, before I could reply.

"Itachi?" He looked around, searching for his brother. I was able to see his entire body relax when he set his eyes on Itachi, only to slightly tense up again. "Where are we?"

He didn't remember coming here? Was something wrong? Or did he just sleep for too long to remember? That happened to me sometimes.

Itachi stood up from his spot at the table and went over to Sasuke, helping him up to his feet. "We're in Naruto's cellar, Sasuke. Calm down and stretch." He stepped back from Sasuke. "You've been asleep for nearly a day." That seemed to take Sasuke by surprise. I still hadn't gotten up off the floor when Sasuke finally looked down at me. He didn't look as tired as he did when he first came to the cellar. He looked almost refreshed. Suddenly, I wanted to pull Sasuke down to the floor with me, but I wasn't sure why or what I would do next. I just wanted him to be close to me. When I thought about it, sleeping next to Sasuke had been the best sleep I had had in a very long time.

Sasuke moved to what I thought was going to be helping to me up (though I didn't need help), but instead he sat back down on the mattress. He looked at me again, "What are you doing here?" It was a neutral sounding question.

For a moment, I didn't know how to respond. What did he mean 'what are you doing here'? It's my cellar! But maybe he was asking how I got out the enclosure or why I had come. But when I opened my mouth to answer, something completely different came out, "I needed my broken heart to be fixed."

The conversation Shikamaru and Itachi had started up again immediately stopped, and Sasuke just stared at me; I could feel Shikamaru's eyes on me, too. It was true, though I hadn't realized it before that moment.

"Is that so." It wasn't a question. He looked away from me, an expression on his face that I didn't understand the meaning to. He got up then, and walked over to the stairs.

"Are you going for a walk, Sasuke?" Itachi asked. He didn't wait for a reply. "Why don't you take Naruto with you? You both need to get some fresh air."

"Just don't go too far. It's not completely safe out there." Shikamaru said after us as we ascended the stairs to the surface.

The sun was in the middle of the sky, shining brightly on the city. The sky was partly cloudy, but large patches of blue sky filled half the sky. It made my insides swell with such happiness. The feeling was made so much better because I near the person that had preoccupied my mind for so long. I needed to talk to him as much as possible. I couldn't let this chance pass me by.

"Sasuke," I called, taking longer steps to catch up to him. I huffed, feeling weak already and I couldn't help clutching onto the back of his shirt for support. He looked back at me, a little irritation on his face. I shrunk back. "I'm sorry. I can't keep up with you at this pace."

"Then go back to the cellar. I need to take a walk," his voice held little hints of desperation.

"I'm not able to walk that fast, Sasuke," I said. I wasn't going to let him or myself ruin my chances of being close to him. I looked straight into those dark, bold eyes of his. "I'm not healthy anymore." I had wanted to say it strong, but it ended up a lot quieter and weaker than I intended. Sasuke's eyes widened, and it seemed that he actually took a look at me for the first time. I hadn't seen myself in a while, but I knew that my skin wasn't as full of life as it used to be. I looked closer to death than I felt. I could feel his eyes looking over me in detail, and I suddenly didn't want him to look at me anymore. I didn't want him to be repulsed by me. I took his hand and pulled in forward, walking at a pace I knew I could handle. "Let's just enjoy what we can of the day, okay?" I could hear the desperation in my own voice.

"Okay." I couldn't see his face; I was too focused on keeping him walking with me, but his voice told me that he was heart-broken, just like me.

We walked for a long while in silence, but it wasn't an awkward or as sad of a silence as I thought it would be. Very few people walked the streets as we went along. Some of them who had been fortunate enough to not to be a Jew might as have been one. They were just as dirty and hungry as they were in the enclosure. Perhaps their homes had been bombed or that they had been mistaken for a Jew at first, but the Jackboots realized that they made a mistake and let them go. But it didn't matter because the Jackboots had already ravaged their stuff and burned their house and businesses down.

Soon we came to a bakery that hadn't been bombed out. The windows had been smashed out, though, and I could see on what remained of the glass that it had had a yellow start painted on it. We went inside to sit for a short rest. I couldn't take walking any longer.

We sat across from one another on the wooden benches that were attached to the wall by chains, and more silence came between us, but now it was the kind that prevailed when neither person knew what to say. But I had many things that I wanted to ask Sasuke about, so I was the first to talk.

"How was Germany?"

He looked at me questioningly, but answered anyway, "It was fine." It seemed that he had wanted to keep his answers short, but couldn't help asking, "How did you know about that?"

I smiled, albeit a bit sheepishly. "I had gone to visit you the day after you guys had left. The house servants told me that you had gone to Germany for a month."

"Oh."

I thought for a moment. "How did you meet Shikamaru?" The lazy boy had never explained to me the relationship between he and Sasuke.

He sighed. "I've known him for a long time. We went to school together when he still lived in Germany."

"Wow," I said. "I never knew Shikamaru had lived in Germany!" Did that make Shikamaru German? I guess I didn't, when I really thought about it. Just because someone lived in a place didn't make a person a part of that place. Sasuke wasn't Polish just because he lived here. The same could be applied to Shikamaru.

Sasuke didn't say anything further. He just looked out the broken window. The heat from the outside invaded the space inside the bakery, making the air around us hot as well. The only thing that made the heat bearable was that the bakery provided a source of shade.

A topic of a past conversation that I had had with the boys one hot night sprang into my mind. "When's your… Um… What's it called?" Oh, I knew it. I could feel myself almost being able to say it. Sasuke just gave me a bored glance before looking out the window again. "I know it… Day? …Birth…"

Sasuke stared at me then. "Birthday?"

"Yes, yes! When is your birthday?"

"July twenty-third."

I don't know why I asked that question. That answer didn't mean anything to me beyond the fact that I knew just one more thing about Sasuke than I did before. So I my response what just to stare back at him blankly. The incredulous look he had given me was warranted.

"I'm turning eighteen soon," he said after a long moment.

"I don't know what I'm turning soon." I said. Most of the boys had memories of their birthdays. I never knew in the first place. Gaara hadn't wanted to give up his birthday. "It doesn't matter," he had said. "Given our situation, I wish I hadn't been born." Shino told me later that he and Gaara had just recently turned nineteen. Their birthdays were very close to each other.

I shrugged. "I don't know when my birthday is."

"Hmm."

It didn't occur to me that Sasuke might have not wanted to talk. He wasn't engaging me at all, and only gave me short, curt answers. But I couldn't take a hint. I thought back to Sasuke's trip to Germany. "Could you have stayed in Germany if you had wanted to?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you then?" I mean I was glad that he didn't, but I was still curious.

The look he gave me made shivers run down my spine. "I have something tying me here."

"It is worth it?"

"Why are you asking all of these questions?"

I shrugged. "I don't actually know you very well."

He sat there for a few moments. Then, a curious smirk formed and played on his lips. "Yet, you like me, right?"

I just stared at him. I had the feeling that what he had said should have fazed me in some kind of way, but I honestly didn't know what he meant. In the back of my mind, a vague memory of Benedykt played.

He didn't let my lack of understanding deter him. He got up and crossed the space between us leaned his face close to mine. "Do you want to kiss me, Naruto?" I could feel my face getting hot. I could feel his breath against my mouth. I thought he was going to do it, but he only straighten up and stepped back from me.

"Lord knows I've been wanting to kiss you," he said as he turned towards the door to leave, but he had said it so lowly and quietly that I think that he hadn't meant for me hear it.

Another day passed. I couldn't be sure how early it could have been, but I felt like I should go back to sleep. Voices kept me from falling asleep completely, however. And I noticed that Sasuke wasn't next to me anymore. Not wanting to interrupt the voices, I slowly turned over to face the rest of the room instead of sitting straight up like I had wanted to. Itachi had been lying on the other side of the mattress, apparently asleep, but Shikamaru and Sasuke were at the table this time, talking in hushed voices. I was starting to wonder if Shikamaru got any sleep at all anymore. He seemed to never sleep, but his face didn't appear as tired as I thought it would be.

There were times when I wished I spoke and understood German and other times that I'm glad that I didn't speak the harsh language; however, that very moment was one of those times where I really wished I understood the language, because Sasuke and Shikamaru hadn't said not a word in Polish. All I could do to even attempt to understand what they were talking about was to look at their facial expressions in the dim light of the candles.

Sasuke had a frown plastered on his face, but it wasn't his usual frown. He seemed to be disheartened. Something was troubling him, and it hurt me inside that I wasn't able to help. I saw a few times where his eyes would flicker to the direction of the mattress, so I made sure to keep my eyes closed. He would have definitely seen that I was awake; my eyes were a very light colour and easy to see in the candlelight. I didn't understand his language. German was a tall and thick and thorny wall that kept us from fully understanding each other. It was good that he spoke Polish, but he can always turn around and start speaking German again and the understanding between us would be lost. It made me envious of Shikamaru's ability to speak both Polish and German.

It wasn't fair.

I wanted to know more about Sasuke. Never before in my life had I wanted to learn more about a person than what I wanted with Sasuke. I don't know what it was about him. It made me wonder if I had any kind of effect on him, whether he wanted to know more about me as well. He seemed to have some kind of interest in me, but he wasn't open about it at all. Was it that he wasn't sure about what he was feeling? He didn't have to worry about that. I never knew what it was I was feeling. My emotions and feelings about Sasuke confused the living hell out of me, but I knew that I couldn't let them keep me from trying to get close to Sasuke. I wanted so badly to bring Sasuke into a room where it would just be him and I. We would we talk for hours upon hours upon hours, just like he and Shikamaru did.

I could feel my frustration boil deep inside me, slowly coming up. I was envious of Shikamaru and his past connection with Sasuke. I wanted to shake Shikamaru and scream in his face; kick him and punch him until wasn't so angry anymore. I had gotten so worked up that I started to cry. My hiccups and sniffling must have woken up Itachi. He turned over and ran his fingers under my eyes, wiping away from of my tears. Shh he would say over and over. Not once did he ask me what was wrong, and for that I was grateful. He just wiped at my face and Shh'd me gently. I could see Shikamaru and Sasuke standing over me, but I couldn't tell what expressions they wore. I hoped that Sasuke didn't think of me as a baby or that something was wrong with me. This had been the second time in such a short period of time that he had seen me cry.

I don't know when I had fallen asleep again, but when I woke up Shikamaru and Itachi were gone. I stood up and stretched. I felt ashamed for being so mad at Shikamaru and crying over it. I felt stupid. I walked over to the icebox. It no longer kept things cold. Shikamaru had to throw away the things that had been in there since the bombing happened. They had rotted.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting to find. It was empty. Next to the icebox, however, was a low shelf that still had dried strips of meat and a few arms of sausage on it. I was so grateful at that moment that this kind of meat didn't spoil! I broke half an arm of sausage over the edge of the icebox and ate at it, hardly stopping to breath until it was all gone. That had been the best meal I had had in such a long time. I had wanted to eat the other half of the sausage right then and there, but I knew that I wasn't the only one that needed to eat.

For the first time, I thought about the boys back in the enclosure. I wonder what they thought of my being missing. I was sure that they were worried. I wanted to go back to them immediately, but I didn't know the way from the cellar to the enclosure. Any landmarks that I had used to even go the general direction of the enclosure had surely been bombed away. I could do nothing but wait for Shikamaru to lead me back.

I grabbed the other half the arm of sausage and walked over to Sasuke, who had fallen asleep sitting up in the cushion chair in the corner by the stairs. He seemed so at peace when he slept. His features were so relaxed and worry-free. I wanted to touch him, just touch him once. But how would he react? Not in a positive manner, I knew for sure. But…

I dared anyway.

I ran the back of my hand against his cheek, and then jumped back. I that was my one touch. No more. He was still asleep. I was okay. I turned to walk back to the mattress, but I couldn't help looking back at Sasuke. I had to touch him more.

I started at the top of his head, lightly running my fingers through such dark and smooth hair. My skin made such a contrast with his hair, though his skin made a starker contrast. He was a lot fairer than I was. I brushed some of his midnight locks out of his face, combing them back with my hand, and I just stared at his face. His eyes moved beneath his eyelids in a rapid manner; he had been dreaming. I wondered what he dreamed about as I slowly glided my other hand over his cheeks; my eyes never left his. His neck pulsed gently with every heartbeat and I felt the urge to put my face to it, but I quickly thought against it. That would be too much. I couldn't understand what these feelings were, and I was afraid to act on them. It was bad enough I was touching on Sasuke while he slept.

He was a lot like his mother when it came to physical features, but he was definitely a lot warmer to the touch than her. There were some features that he didn't get from his mother, however, and I couldn't know how they would compare because I didn't know what his father looked like. I'd never even heard his father's voice nor had I even given it a thought that Sasuke just might have a father. It was always his mother and sometimes his brother around, but never his father. I thought on this a bit more as a drummed my fingers ever so lightly on his collarbone. I knew it could hurt if I did it too hard because Kiba always complained when Shino would absentmindedly do it do him.

Sasuke's skin was so soft, unlike the rest of us. We couldn't take care of our skin like Sasuke was able to, but we did the best we could do. I didn't dare stick my hand under his clothing; instead, I ran both of my hands slowly over his chest, feeling his features though his shirt the best I could. I felt that by touching him, I was getting to know him in a way I couldn't have otherwise had done. This wasn't something we could have had a conversation about. I couldn't have learned about the features of Sasuke's body just through talking to him. My hands continued down his torso and I stopped on his hips, both of my hands gripping his hipbone. It protruded a bit through his skin and shirt and I thumbed over them lightly. I looked up at Sasuke's face. It was still so peaceful.

I went back up and placed my hands on his shoulders, feeling my way down, over his biceps and triceps, running my fingers over his veins and tendons as I reached his wrists. His hands were lightly calloused, yet they had a strange softness to them. His fingers were long and slender, and his nails were trimmed and clean. I brought my face closer to his hand, as not to disturb his position, and deliberately rubbed my cheek against his boney knuckles and smooth fingers. It was such a rush to touch Sasuke this way, I felt like I could explode at any moment.

Finally, I was working on his legs. I started from his feet, which were, in my opinion, not as attractive looking as his hands, but he had really nice feet anyway. Very smooth. I was drumming my way up his calves when I looked up at Sasuke's face and dark orbs were staring back at me, the candlelight flickering in his eyes.

It was a very surreal moment.

I think my brain went on defensive mode, because suddenly my entire body became stiff, as if to brace it from in the inevitable attack Sasuke was going to serve my ass. But before that happened, I couldn't look away from him; I couldn't break the stare. He hadn't shifted his position or changed his breathing. His eyes were just open, but it was very obvious that he had awoken. And then I did break the stare. I looked away to my right, where there was only a wall to look at. And then I looked back at him. He hadn't changed, though his breathing did get a bit irregular.

Then my body went rigid.

His mouth just barely parted; he drew in a slow breath, "What"—he gulped—"are you doing?" He didn't even sound mad. But, he didn't sound happy either. Maybe that was just the sleep in his voice. His hips wiggled slightly and I noticed that there was a bulge in his pants, but I hadn't known what that had meant.

How was I supposed to answer that question? Common sense dictates that simply explaining exactly what I had been doing would satisfy the question, however, common sense didn't dictate this brain of mine.

What made the whole situation worse was that I kept drumming at his calf muscles. I kept touching him. I felt like I couldn't help it. I couldn't think of what to say that would make this situation better for the both of us, so I said nothing. Just kept drumming at his calf muscles.

After a moment, when he didn't get a response from me, he did something I honestly didn't expect. In one swift move, he grabbed the back of my head, his fist full of my hair and pulled me close to where our noses barely touched. His breath was hot on my mouth and my body was screaming for me to close the gap, though I wasn't sure what I would do after.

"What are you doing, Naruto?" His grip in my hair tightened and I couldn't help but whimper. His voice was so hypnotizing I couldn't focus long enough to pick up on the tone of his voice. He could have been flaming mad for all I knew. "Are you finally experiencing puberty? Are you experiencing hormones for the first time?" His voice was rough. He leaned in even closer, his lips against my ear; "Are your balls finally dropping?" and he licked my ear slowly and deliberately. A shudder ran though my whole body and I felt a pressure in my groin area that I couldn't explain. What was Sasuke doing to me?

"Sa…" My voice was airy and I felt out of breath. I reached up to try to pry his fingers out of my hair, but he only gripped harder and my attempts proved fruitless.

"Oh, what's wrong, Naruto? Can't handle a simple grip of hair? Can't handle touches like these?"

And he ran those warm, slender fingers through my hair, down my pulsating neck, down under my shirt, where he lightly fingered a sensitive area on my chest. My hips did a weird, sudden motion and my groin rubbed against Sasuke's leg, sending new and foreign sensations throughout my body. A loud moan escaped from my throat, and I could feel myself drooling. Sasuke looked like a predator. He knew what he was doing. He knew what to do with these feelings. What had I been thinking trying to touch on Sasuke?

"I… Sasuke…" I couldn't think straight. Thoughts were racing though my mind like freshly fired bullets, but at the same time, my mind was empty of thoughts. I felt like I was going to explode out of my pants. I felt embarrassed drooling in front of Sasuke. I didn't know if he was mocking me or telling me to never touch him again. His voice had an odd playful tone to it in addition to something I couldn't identify at the time. But, his expression had been a mix between longing and seriousness. I couldn't tell what he was really feeling.

"What do you want from me, Naruto?" He breathed into my ear. He started moving his leg back and forth, grazing against my groin with every motion. I couldn't control what my hips were doing; they were jerking sporadically against his leg. I was short of breath and everything felt tight and constricted. I needed Sasuke to stop. I didn't understand what was going on, and my brain and my body had felt ruthlessly overloaded with all these feelings and sensations. My knee accidently grazed his bulge and he groaned deep in his throat as he said, "What do you want?"

"Please…" I panted and our eyes locked for the first time since he had grabbed my hair. He was being genuine with me. "Sha… Stop… Please…"

He smiled despite his very evident frustration. "You're such a fucking tease! Damn it…" His hot breath panted against my mouth for a moment, and then he leaned in again and that perfect voice sailed into my ear, "I'm going to take that innocence away from you. Sooner or later, dobe."

I think I regretted asking Sasuke to stop.

All I could think about was the tightness in my groin and how he had made me feel, not just during that time, but all the time, whether he was physically with me or not. I felt as though I was going absolutely crazy with all of these feelings and unanswered questions and how to proceed with Sasuke. I didn't understand anything. How did Shino and Kiba get to where they were? Did they experience these feelings, too? Did they experience them as often as I did? Shikamaru and Chouji must have gone through the same things as well, right?

I wanted so desperately to be like them. I wanted to come together with Sasuke. I wanted Sasuke to be the 'somebody' I went to and shared my thoughts with. I wanted to induce in Sasuke the same feelings he made me feel on a continuous basis. Why couldn't I bring myself to get to that place? How could I get to that place? Would Sasuke be waiting for me?

I felt like I needed Sasuke with every part of my being. But I also felt as though somebody like Sasuke could never truly want a nobody like me. He only noticed me because I touched him first. I was something to keep him entertained while he waited for something better to come along. He was a German, stronger person and better person because of it, and I was only a small, orphaned Polish boy. He had to be waiting for something better. But something inside of me urged me to not settle for that. It told me to keep pushing, keep fighting for Sasuke, no matter what happened. I wasn't sure how I knew, but I was sure that Sasuke would be waiting for me, that he would be there for me even when he wasn't there physically. He would always be with me.

It had been almost a week since that happened. Shikamaru and I were back in the enclosure and Sasuke and Itachi were back home. I had just seen Shikamaru and Chouji off as they went for an evening walk. I sat outside on the front step of the small house thinking about everything, the world moving slowly as my thoughts raced in my mind. The world seemed to be able to take its time, as if it made its own schedule and did things in its own time. Which I guess was true in a way. I wished that I could get my mind to do the same thing, but my thoughts never came by slowly. Even when I didn't understand, my thoughts never slowed. I had multiple lines of thought constantly and it felt like that I couldn't control my thoughts at times or that I couldn't keep them from getting tangled with other thoughts. Being near Sasuke sometimes made my thinking a little clearer, but more often than not he made the knots and snags worse than they were before, and I would always have to work through them while simultaneously trying to not make a fool out of myself.

That event had been the only clear thing in my mind, but it was also the most muddled and confused thing. I was able to recount every single movement that had happened. My feelings felt just as strong as they felt during the experience.

At that moment, while I was thinking on the front step, I wondered what Sasuke was doing. What was he thinking? Had he reflected on the event like I had? Did he even care?

Thinking back on this whole experience, I finally understood what Shino and Shikamaru meant whenever they mentioned my innocence and naivety. It wasn't the innocence Sasuke had been speaking of, but it does tie in a little. Both Shino and Shikamaru had found it alluring, but they knew they couldn't act on such rash feelings.

From my spot on the steps, I could hear Gaara groan in pain as he began to move to his next spot. Tears that he wouldn't let fall were ever present in his eyes.