Chapter 20: Life or Something Like It

Thanks for sticking in there guys. I'm trying to balance classes, work, being a stepmother, a girlfriend, a daughter, and well so much more,l it can get kind of hectic when you find that freetime and writer end up getting pushed to the bottom of the list. I will say that I believe I have put you, my readers, and this fan fiction above sleeping lol. Thanks for all of the reviews and the continued readers. You really are the blood running through my fan fiction's pumping heart that is keeping it alive. Thank you Princess de La Luna, xXImmortalsxDiceXx my newest reader, LizluvsSpongebob, and Lawlietfangirl.. I do not own Death Note, its characters, or plot line. I do own Ellie, a certificate for making Dean's List which I got in the mail yesterday, and of course loads of college debt lol.

Ellie stood proudly with her diploma in hand. It had been 1 and a half years and she had managed to stuff everything in and graduate on time. She had finished her Japanese major as well and she felt confident in her bilingual abilities, which was something that she wasn't as strong in when she had visited Japan two years ago. She had stumbled over her words a lot and mostly just spoke in English if she could get away with it. Japanese would never come as easily to her as it did to everyone on that team, but it wasn't her first language either. Either way she was happy with where she was in life now. Overcoming all of those obstacles hadn't kept her the same person, but she grew and became a stronger person than she thought she was capable of being. She was no longer afraid of being close to others. She hadn't had a problem since she lost her son. She had even stopped seeing the creature in her dreams and most of her memories of that time had been stashed away.

Ellie looked out into the crowd after she was handed her diploma. It was so hard to find his face, but he was there. She had developed a deep friendship with Connor, possibly something more, but she didn't want to jump into anything right now.

She was still emailing Matsuda and more feverishly at that. She liked how she felt after she talked to him. She felt like she belonged somewhere, like she was part of something bigger. They talked on the phone once a month and both of them had more to say on the phone then they did in the emails. Ellie kept up with how things were going with the rest of the team and how things were going with Matsuda in general and the case. He wasn't allowed to go into much detail, but the case was talked about from time to time. "Eventually they will have to open it back up for investigation," Matsuda had said to her once. It was true they couldn't just let this killer go on forever. Eventually when the Kira investigation team had a chance to come up with a strategy Ellie was certain that they would be together. They may have already been, she hadn't really been a crucial part of the team and they would be fine without her. That made her a little sad, but as far as Matsuda had said the team had not reformed though he was always vague when it came to the team.

Ellie planned on going to graduate school after this and then maybe settling down. She hadn't really given much thought of marriage or children since she lost Nathaniel. She sometimes wanted to talk to Barbara and ask her how long it had taken her to get comfortable with the idea of remarrying and having more children. Ellie had no one else to talk to about these issues. Connor didn't really understand, he wasn't a woman, and she didn't have too many female friends anymore. She honestly didn't have to many friends period.

"So you going here for graduate school too?" Connor asked her after the ceremony was over.

"Yeah, this was just a transition ceremony really," Ellie said. "I have already put in my transcripts and everything and I was excepted into grad school several months ago."

"I can't imagine that level of education," Connor said in awe. "I didn't even finish high school," he added with his head hung low.

"You could always go back you know," Ellie said. "Get your GED at least,"Ellie said.

"I never thought about it, but I probably should. This job I'm working at currently isn't getting me anywhere. It seems like you can't really get a job these days without a decent education."

"It's true," Ellie said. "I'm sorry that things are rough," Ellie said.

"It's fine I'll probably take your advice and get my GED. Then maybe I'll take a few classes at community college when I feel more comfortable with the idea of continuing my education. Right now is not the time," Connor said.

"Whenever you are ready," Ellie said turning her head toward the door. She really wanted to get out before the crowds started to block the exits. She hated when that happened. She wasn't good at politely asking people to move either.

"You ready to leave?" Connor asked. They had driven together so Ellie would drive them home most likely.

"Yeah, if we ever want to see the light of day again we had better get out of here," Ellie said pushing through the crowds toward the door.

They made it out just before it started to get hectic. Ellie ran to the car feeling the endorphins flowing through her bloodstream. She almost wanted to scream in joy. It was over, the first step into her life and she came out mostly intact.

"You are so crazy sometimes," Connor said trying to catch his breath after they reached the car. Ellie unlocked the doors and said, "I haven't felt this free in a long time."

"Well it's not going to last long," Connor said laughing. "You do have more college next year, and harder from the sounds of it."

"Don't rain on my parade," Ellie said cranking the radio and rolling down the windows. "Let me enjoy the ride before I have to worry about that."

The drive, which was usually very boring because it was the same route 3 days a week for 3 semesters, was actually somewhat exciting again.

"You sure you didn't have something before the ceremony," Connor asked a little nervous.

"I'm fine really," Ellie said. "Just haven't been this happy in a long time."

When they got home Ellie unzipped the robe and placed it in the closet in her room. She was wearing a nice dress underneath and somewhat sensible shoes. She didn't care that shoes weren't really meant for a dress, they were comfortable and that was all that mattered in a ceremony as long as the one she had been in was. Her feet should not have stuffer for fashion's sake.

She picked up her phone. She felt so alive and she wanted to share her joy with everyone. Unfortunately the only person she really talked to on the phone was Matsuda, so she tried calling him, just on the off chance that he would pick up.

"Hello?" the Matsuda voice said on the other line.

"Hey Matsuda it's Ellie," Ellie said.

"Oh, Ellie," he said. "I wasn't expecting your call for another week at least," he said. "How are you?"

"I graduated today," Ellie said.

"Congratulations Ellie-chan!" Matsuda said. He usually only called her by her nickname when he was happy, which made Ellie smile even more for some reason. "So where to now?" he asked.

"Graduate school probably," Ellie said. "I never thought I would get this far really."

"Why not Ellie?" Matsuda asked sounding worried about the sound of her voice when she had said the last thing.

"I don't know," Ellie said. "I don't make long term plans much anymore, my life is too hectic for that."

Ellie and Matsuda laughed nervously at the same time. "Well, I had better be going," Ellie said.

"Take care," Matsuda said.

"You too, call you sometime next month," Ellie said. "Don't forget to email."

"Of course not," Matsuda said. "Goodbye."

"Bye," Ellie said.

Matsuda hung up the phone. He was worried about Ellie. His heart was beating hard. He sat down on his couch and stared over at his computer. He wished that she hadn't had to go. He should have told her then, he should have asked her then, if she would come and see him or if he could come and see her.

His one bedroom apartment seemed lonelier after he got off the phone with Ellie. She had a roommate, a male roommate even, and he had no one. He always wondered why he hadn't just moved on, she had.

Hadn't she? She never talked about her roommate much, but he had this feeling that they were closer than he could ever be to her. Why couldn't he move on?

"I'm waiting for her," Matsuda said to himself in realization. "I will be waiting for her until the day that I die," Matsuda thought to himself. "Unless I cut her out of my life," Matsuda thought. "Unless I make myself move on."

Matsuda stared at the picture on his ledge. Ellie had sent him a picture a few months back after he had requested it. He spent hours perfecting a picture to send her as well, and he wondered where she had put it. She certainly didn't have it up for the world to see probably. She probably just had it tucked away somewhere, the picture that had taken him so much time and he just ended up waiting to see what she had sent him so he didn't go too over the top with it. She didn't even know, she had no idea how much she meant to him how much she always had since they met.

He walked up to the picture frame and placed it face down. He couldn't stand her smiling face looking back at him. He was a fool.

Ellie looked over at her stand up style mirror. She had picked it up at a resale shop and loved the way the antique wood looked. It looked beaten up and used. It was as if it was already broken in many years ago just for her. She had taped pictures up all around it. She remembered going through all of her pictures meticulously. She wanted to be reminded of all the people who mattered to her every time she looked at herself. She touched the picture that Matsuda had sent her a few months back.

She loved how goofy his smile was and couldn't believe that she hadn't seen him in so long. She should make a trip out to see him someday. For now, she was broke as far as spare money went and she would have to wait until she was working full time to even think about it, if she got any time off that was. She had heard rumors about the field she was going into, but she didn't regret it. She liked the idea of healing people rather than leading to their deaths.

What was she going to do now? She was telling Matsuda the truth when she had said that she didn't know where she was going from here. She had honestly never thought she would get this far. Her whole life had been about surviving, never actually living. She was done with that. It was time to start living.

Matsuda walked down the street. It was raining, but he didn't really notice. His hands were in his pockets. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he just couldn't sit in his apartment and feel bad for himself. He saw a billboard above his head. It took him a moment to recognize the face on the billboard, but it was Misa. It seemed that everyone was moving on while he was standing still.

He continued walking. He ducked under a building as the rain picked up. He hadn't been out in the rain like this in a while, but the last time he had held an umbrella and watched Ellie push her car back to the building that they had once called home. It was one of his favorite memories of her, other than when he held her in his arms, just once and he had been asleep for that unfortunately. Why was he thinking about this? Why did everything remind him of her? Why couldn't he just forget?

He threw a stone at a garbage can. He was beginning to get frustrated. Was there no place he could go to escape? He was supposed to be cutting her off from here on out, well not cutting her off per se, but moving on. Everyone else had. He walked back to his apartment and placed her photograph in the closet in a box. That was all he wanted her to be now, a voice, a few emails, and a box.

Mello sat alone on his bed. It was a rough time for an 8 year old especially when he had to watch all of the attention that had once been given to him going to the boy that they now called Near. There had once been a time when he had been fawned over, even just a little, when he had been the whiz kid, but it seemed that this kid was even more gifted in some ways.

Mello sighed. He saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head and saw a boy, maybe a couple years older who was sitting on a bed as well, but he was fidgeting.

"What's wrong?" Mello asked.

"Hmm," the boy said not realizing that there was someone else in the room. He had been zoning out lately. He just couldn't concentrate on anything, his tutors were becoming frustrated with him and there was talk of moving him to a different orphanage, because he wasn't showing any signs of above average intelligence. The boy knew what the reason really was. He didn't enjoy book learning, at all; he actually didn't enjoy much especially not interactions with people.

"I asked if something was wrong," Mello said. "You are fidgeting."

"So," the boy said. "What's it to you?"

Mello turned away. He had quite been expecting that kind of response. He decided he wasn't going to take this kind of abuse, especially with the type of day he was already having. "Nothing. I don't care. Go back to doing whatever."

"I will," the boy said shrugging Mello off.

Mello muttered under his breath and got up.

"You are Mello right?" the boy asked.

"What's it to you?" Mello questioned repeating the question in the same fashion that the boy had spoken it to him.

"I hear talk about you. You are the next person up for L's spot if something were to happen. I was in the running once, but I grew distracted and bored with the idea," the boy said. "Well you are in the running unless that silver haired boy doesn't beat you out of it."

Mello smirked. This boy could be useful. He seemed to have ears all over. "Who are you?" Mello asked.

"Matt," the boy said.

"So why exactly are you distracted?" Mello asked.

"I don't really enjoy the idea, I would rather be doing something else," Matt said very nonchalantly.

"What would you rather be doing?" Mello asked.

"Dunno, playing video games I guess," Matt said. "I hope to break out of this place as soon as possible. It's like a prison."

"That I understand perfectly," Mello said.

"Well, I've only got a few more years. I hear that you can emancipate yourself form this place at 15 and that's what I plan on doing," Matt said.

Mello had never heard anything about that, but now he was intrigued. "How old are you now?"

"9," Matt answered. Mello was shocked he would have thought the boy was older, but then again he was told that he acted older than he was on several occasions. The children at Whammy's house were always a bit more mature than most.

"Yeah I'm going to do that too," Mello said.

"See you on the other side I guess?" Matt said in a question form.

"Yeah," Mello said. "Sounds like a plan."