I had no idea how late it was, or even where I was for that matter.

After Leo had left, I stood there in shock a few moments, then I tried to follow him. I just couldn't believe what I had just heard...didn't want to believe it.

Of course trying to find a ninja who didn't want to be found was not going to happen. Even for me. I must have looked all over the base for him, pretty much ignoring everyone I came across, with no luck. I silently reached out to him, only to find that he had shut me out. I can't tell you how long I tried before I had to give up. He didn't want me to find him, and I wasn't going too.

I returned to that wobbly ass bench that was quickly becoming my favorite spot and dropped my head into my hands, trying not to cry. He couldn't have meant it, please god he couldn't have...again I tried to reach out to him, again to only run into a mental wall.

The soft blue glow of my ring caught my attention, still glowing because of the transmitter Ratchet had attached to it. That ring stood for so much, a promise of something I thought would last forever, now I was in danger of losing it all because of my damn mouth. I had lashed out and said something I really didn't mean, blamed him for something that really wasn't his fault, and now I was paying for it. With that one paragraph, I lost everything.

I wondered how long had he been struggling with this himself, how he long he had kept those feelings hidden from me, how long it was bothering him that he couldn't protect me all of the time. Was it the most recent screw up? Or had he been dealing with this for awhile? I just didn't know, never knew, until I pretty much slapped him in the face with it. God...what did I do? I didn't deserve this ring that once again caught my attention with it's soft glow. In a fit of anger I yanked it off, then threw it. I didn't deserve it, and I didn't deserve him...not after pretty much blaming him for shit he really had no control over. I was the one who always insisted to go along, to help. I was the one who got myself into these predicaments because of my stubbornness. I could have chosen to just stay back, out of the limelight. Then Bishop would have never have known about me, and none of this shit would have ever have happened. It was all me, and I blamed him for it because he didn't come riding in on the white steed in time to save me.

I got up and began walking. Didn't really pay attention to where I was going, just needed something. Something I knew I wasn't going to find out there, but at least walking gave me something to do. It was a chilly night, but I didn't let that bother me as I meandered along across the landscape. After one shiver from it, I pretty much ignored it.

I kept trying to reach out to him as I walked, trying to break that barrier he had put up. And kept failing. His mind was closed to me and I felt so empty without him. This wasn't what I wanted. This was never what I wanted. Damn me and my mouth! "Leo please..." I whispered out into the night after wandering who knows how long out there.

Usually I took comfort at being outside, but not tonight. I didn't see anything in the moonless night as I stumbled along, my tears blinding me even more. I had no idea where I was, how far I had wandered. Between my continued attempts to try and reach him and the tears blurring my vision, I didn't see the ravine until I had literally stumbled into it.

I slid and bounced down the side, trying to grab onto anything to slow my fall before I slammed into the bottom of it. The impact knocked the wind out of me and I laid there gasping for air. It was at that point I gave up as the first tears began to roll down my face, followed by more. I didn't even try to get up, just laid my head down on my arms and bawled my eyes out like a damn baby. Leo, I just wanted Leo...

I don't know how long I laid down there, oblivious to everything, when I heard the sounds of engines roaring across the landscape. I figured they might be out looking for me, but I couldn't get myself together enough to go find out. I was still crying uncontrollably when the sound of tires skidding to a sudden stop was heard above me, then silence.

Silence didn't mean they hadn't found me I figured out a moment later when I felt a pair of strong arms lift me up off of the ground. "Bee!" Mikey called back up. "I found her!"

The camaro gave an acknowledging beep as Mikey pulled me into a sitting position against him. I just held onto him as I kept crying. "Shit..." He mumbled, for once it seemed he had no idea what to say. He just held me close as I cried.

There was another sound of tires skidding to a stop, more than one set this time. "Vicky!" I heard Cris call out.

"She's down here!" Mikey answered for me.

There was the sound of rocks and dirt being slid around as she made her way down. "Is she alright?" Cris asked, closer this time.

"As far as I can tell she didn't hurt anything." Mikey replied. "I can't get her to quit crying though..."

"Can you get her out of here?" Cris quietly asked Mikey.

"Yeah, shouldn't be a problem." And he scooped me up, then carefully made his way back up to the top.

"Did she hurt herself?" I heard Hide ask.

"Doesn't look like it." Cris answered.

"She seems ta be a bit shook up tho'." Jazz noted.

"Can't really blame her." Donnie mumbled.

"I don't know why you even bothered to come out here!" Raph then flared suddenly.

"Because I do care." Leo replied. Leo...I brought my tear stained face up.

"Well you have a funny ass way of showing it!"

"Damn it Raph!" Leo flared right back at him. "I'm trying to do what's best! For her..."

"Oh yeah." Raph said, heavily on the sarcasm. "This," He waved his hand at my general condition "is really fucking good for her."

"I don't want to see her hurt anymore because of me." Leo said, his voice had a defeated tone to it as he watched me. I reached out a hand to him, I just wanted to hold him... His gaze hardened again before he turned back to Raph, just in time to get a fist in the face that hit him hard enough to send him flying back.

"And what in the hell do you think you just did you asswipe!" Raph thundered at him.

"Raph!" Cris stepped in between him and his current target.

"Stay out of this!" He roared at her next, pushing her gently out of the way as he stalked in on Leo again. "Did it ever occur to you that you pulling this shit hurt her more than everything that's ever been done to her combined?" He managed to nail Leo again as he got back up, even though the elder did try to block it. "That you might have done the most damage by pulling away from her?" Raph punched him again once again sending Leo flying. "And what about the twins you idiot! You think you can just walk away from that! That I would let you walk away from that!" Raph went in for another hit before he was stopped by Ironhide's holoform grabbing his arm.

"That's enough!" The black bot roared.

Leo was getting back to his feet, wiping the blood from his mouth. "Raph, I can't do this to her anymore." He said softly. "She's still suffering from what has been done to her, and it's because I let her in. I just can't...can't let that burden grow any larger than it already is for her."

Raph just snorted as he fought with Hide's grip on his arm. Apparently those holoforms were stronger than they looked, because Hide had no trouble holding him back. "So, you instead give her a larger one. Leo, she needs you just as much as you need her. That's something you can't just turn off, or hide from, and you fucking know it."

Leo just remained silent as he and Raph exchanged glares.

"Now that we got that settled, how about we get her back and warmed up. Before I end up having to put someone back together." Donnie said, his cold gaze directed at Leo. "And right now you seem to be the object of choice."

"Donnie..."

"I don't want to hear it Leo. As a matter of fact, I'm tempted to take a swing at you myself. Mikey, get her loaded up and lets get her back to base."

Mikey just nodded, and walked over towards Bee, shouldering Leo out of the way as he did, and slid inside with me. He wasn't going to let go of me it seemed, and held me close to him as I still quietly sobbed. Bee closed the door and shortly after that we were on the move.

.

.

I didn't talk to anyone, didn't want too. All I did was just lay in the bed with the covers wrapped tight around me like a cocoon. Trying to use them as a substitute for the arms I so dearly missed.

Cris sat with me, but she didn't even try to lure me out of my silence as I laid there, facing the wall.

The knock at the door sounded very loud in the quiet room, and so did the sound of Cris getting out of the chair to go open it.

"Can we come in?" I heard Epps ask.

"Yeah, but I hope you don't expect her to talk to you."

"She doesn't have to talk, just listen." Will said then.

"Suit yourself."

They came in, but I didn't turn to acknowledge it.

"Vicky? We need to talk to you." Will then said directly to me.

"Why? You going to tell me that my ride back home is here?"

"Holy shit...she actually said something..." Cris mumbled.

"No. That's not why we are here. As a matter of fact, we told Leo no when he came to me with it."

That did make me turn around to look at him. Not many had the guts to tell him no. I also noticed Sally was in the room with them.

"The fact is, we need you."

"For what..."

"Donnie and Jazz picked up something. Numerous transmissions going to and from the Con base."

"And this concerns me why? If you haven't noticed, I just got booted from the team."

"It concerns you because we need a team to go in." Sally spoke up. "We found the location of where the transmissions are coming from, and it's been decided to send a human team in."

"So? Go send them in. It's not my decision to make."

"Actually, now it is." Will told me.

"I don't see how."

He just looked at me calmly a moment. "No, with everything that had just happened, I don't think you do see." He turned to Cris. "You feel like leading the team?"

"Hell fucking no."

"Have Marina do it then." I said as I turned back over.

"Already asked her, she pretty much told me the same thing." Will said wryly.

"Point is," Epps cut in "they want you."

"But I'm not wanted."

"Damn it." Epps growled at me. "We have a chance here, a chance to find out what exactly is going the fuck on. This is our call, not Leo's. We can't send the turtles in because we would be breaking our part of the agreement if they get spotted. We need the human aspect of your family, and they aren't going in without you!"

"I find it hard to believe that reasoning. They taught me everything I know. Infiltration is easy for them and I seriously doubt they would be spotted." I sighed. "If anything, they would be better at it."

"This time it's a bit different." Sally said.

"Why?"

"Because we have to go through the front door. They can't do that."

I turned back over and just stared at her. "What?"

"Donnie assures me that the security is too tight, even for him. The only way we even have a chance to get in is through the front door."

"You're kidding me right?"

"I wish I was."

"So you just want us to go up there, and walk right in?"

"Basically...yes."

Cris snorted. "Don't see nothing wrong with that idea."

"I wouldn't even know what to look for." I ignored Cris.

"That issue has already been discussed, I'm going with you." Sally told me. "Caitlin is going too."

"Say what?!" I was stunned. "She never goes out!"

"She is this time. Seems her area of expertise is needed."

"She works in genetics!" I bust out

"Exactly."

"Oh lord...This is going to be a fun one..." Cris mumbled as I just stared at them all.

"What exactly is going on?"

"That's what we need to find out." Will said. "All we know is what was on the Con database, and those hints aren't too promising."

"And the guys can't do this?" I asked again and they all shook their heads.

"I'll...think about it." I said as I turned back over. "I'm not sure if I can, or even want to do this anymore."

"I think that's as good as you're going to get." Cris told them softly.

"Better than nothing I suppose." Will sighed.

"Come on, show me what you got, just incase we do go out. Then I need to prep our gear. Just give her some time to think this through."

The room was quiet again after they left as I struggled my way through this. Hadn't my actions already caused enough grief? I sighed, there I go with the self pity again. Why did I always do this to myself? Because I'm me...that's why. Wouldn't feel right if I didn't mope about something. I pushed against that mental wall again, only to find it still in place and I sighed again as tears sprang to my eyes. I was so torn between just giving up and going home, and staying here to help. It seemed my help was wanted, but not from the one who I was hoping would want it. I just wasn't sure if that was enough.

"I know you are going to do this." Leo said quietly from behind me. "As much as I wish you wouldn't, I know you are. I had hoped to send you home, to spare you further suffering. But I can't. I was quickly overruled on that fact." There was a soft clicking sound as he laid something on the nightstand. "You're going to need this. Turns out, if you are too far away from it, it won't work as Hide found out earlier."

"And what about us?" I managed to ask him and silence was my only answer. I rolled over to look at him, to find him staring right back at me as I sat up.

His eyes filled with so many things as he took in tear stained face. "I...I don't know." He finally said. "I just don't know."

"Leo, I didn't mean what I said. I was scared and mad, but at myself, not at you."

"Still doesn't change the fact the words were true." His hand reached out before he caught himself and pulled it back to his side, clenching his fist. "There was nothing I could do. And none of it should have happened in the first place." He turned and walked towards the door.

"Leo, please, I need you..." I choked out, not wanting him to leave.

He paused with his hand on the doorknob. "No, you don't. Not when you keep getting hurt by choices I make."

"Choices I fully accepted!" I yelled at him in frustration.

"Choices that were wrong!" He snapped back. "I should have never allowed any of it!"

"Then why did you?"

"For the same reason I have to leave you, dear one. I love you. I love you so much that I risked taking you out just so I could have you near. It was selfish of me, and it was wrong. If I have to distance myself from you to keep you safe, then so be it."

"So after five years and two children you decide to call it quits? Just because I lost my temper for one minute? What about what I want?"

"You losing that temper finally made me realise what a damn fool I've been!" He slammed his hand against the wall, then took a moment to calm himself. "Vicky, I'm not even sure you know what you want."

"I want you! That's all I ever wanted was you..."

His eyes wandered back to my face. "I know. But that is something I cannot give you in good conscious anymore."

"You are so worried about what you feel is right, but yet don't consider what I feel."

"I'm sorry, it was never my intent to hurt you, in any way. I will allow this trip, only because the others feel like they need you and I can't stop you from going. And I will watch over you like I usually do, that promise I will keep. What happens after that...I just don't know." And with that he was gone.

Trying to fight back tears, I looked at the nightstand at the object he placed there and the soft glow of my ring shone in the dark room.