Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Chapter 18: A Mirror of Glass

The moon looks full and bright tonight, which is the only reason I am happy to have the midnight watch. Cloudless skies filled with stars and a dense forest in every direction for some reason this feels like home as much as home.

"It's time to switch up the watch." Sasuke grunts as he appears beside me on the extremely thick branch.

"I know." I answer back not making a move to get up.

"You should get some sleep Kokoro." Sasuke says realising that I am not moving.

"I know I should but I just don't want to miss well, "I say as I gesture to our surroundings.

"What is there to miss?" Sasuke grunts as he leans his back against the tree trunk.

"Peace and a greatly underappreciated luxury" I reply.

"How do you find, this kind of thing interesting, Kokoro?" Sasuke asks not quite understanding me, than again most people wouldn't.

"The life of a ninja is fast paced, harsh and usually short." I say with a sigh. "Most shinobi forget to enjoy the simple things that we take for granted or completely ignore."

I can't help but think back to how many people would travel miles to see landscape and atmospheres like this in my old world. Most places there was so much light from the cities and deforestation and pollution that sights like this were becoming a luxury. One that I was lucky to grow up with in that life and again in this one. I can't help but remember those summer nights spent around the bonfire in my past life.

"I guess that you know what to look for in this kind of environment and are able to appreciate it more because of that." Sasuke observes

"I guess you're right, I can see a lot better in the dark than most shinobi, plus all my other senses are heightened and the forest fell like home to me and Aōko since we are hunters as well as shinobi." I muse.

"What is it exactly that you see when you look at this place?" Sasuke asks realising that I am not going to be going to sleep anytime soon.

"Well for one the shadows are deeper and father reaching but softer at night which is also why the Nara clan prefers nighttime operations. The sky is clear which is perfect for navigation. The air is clean and lacks the salty scent and taste that was starting to become annoying back in Wave. The moss on these trees has medical properties and also makes them a lot more comfortable. Also the moss attracts a certain bioluminescent insect, it's a subspecies of firefly that nests in the moss."

"Why are the fireflies so important?" Sasuke asks.

"Have you seen any of the fireflies, Sasuke?" I ask.

"No."

"That's why, they only leave their nests at dusk and dawn, and if they leave their nest during the night than that means that there is an intruder. They are completely nocturnal however and don't come out during the day." I say remembering Shino telling me the story of how one of his clan members discovered this unique species of firefly outside of Konoha shortly after the clan joined the village. "We will probably see the fireflies as we leave, since we are leaving at dawn. Naruto probably saw them during his watch at dusk."

"Is that why we set up camp during the day time, so we didn't disturb the fireflies?" Sasuke asks.

"Don't know, you'd have to ask sensei. But it probably is. The fireflies woke up to our presence so they aren't making a fuss." I say.

"Never would have thought that insects could have such strategic importance." Sasuke drones.

"Don't let Shino, or any other Aburame hear you say that or you won't hear the end of it." I chuckle.

"I am guessing you are speaking from experience?" Sasuke asks.

"Hardly, I made the mistake of showing an interest in insects towards Shino, that's the reason why we're friends and why I know more than necessary about insects." I say with a grin. "But to be fair, he knows more than his fair share about canines thanks to me and Kiba which will probably be useful in the long run considering who his teammate is."

Sasuke finally sits down next to me instead of standing and leans his back against the tree trunk. Aōko jumps down and wedges herself securely between us, her tail wagging happily.

"You know you have a way with people right." Sasuke mutters as he scratches Aōko behind the ear.

"I wouldn't really say that, I am just good at reading emotions, kinda." I say as I lean onto Sasuke's shoulder.

"I don't think that anyone has ever disarmed a S rank ninja using politics." Sasuke points out.

"Politics are used to disarm s-rank ninja all the time. The Kage's are the perfect example of that." I counter.

"You are impossible to have a discussion with." Sasuke sighs.

"No I am impossible to have an argument with," I shoot back. "There's a difference."

"That's because you start most of the arguments you get into and usually already have your sentences planed six moves ahead." Sasuke sighs again.

"Yet you still put up with me." I say with a grin.

"I have to, your my teammate and wouldn't give me a choice otherwise." Sasuke drones

"Damn right I wouldn't give you a choice." I smirk and look up at the moon again. "You know it is times like this that remind shinobi why it is they really fight."

"Un" is Sasuke's only response.

I don't bother trying to stir up the conversation again, there is no point. The view here is gorgeous and I should enjoy this peace while it lasts. It won't be long till the mayhem starts up again. Though it is nice to know that I am not alone and that someone has both me and Aōko's backs. I guess I have gotten use to physical contact as a sign of safety. Sure it is a natural human trait, but growing up with Kiba and the rest of my clan, physical contact and sleeping in groups for safety and warmth became important.

~o~

My eyes snap open as my body registers that is moving without me commanding it to. Soon I find myself sprawled out sideways on the branch I was sitting on last night. It seems that my pillow and leaning post decided to get up and walk away. I look down over the edge of the branch and glare at a smirking Sasuke. Sticking my tongue out at him I flip frontwards over and off the branch and land on my feet beside him.

"Jerk, you could have woken me up in a more peaceful way than that." I growl.

"And risk having my eyes forcibly removed from the sockets by your clawed fingers," Sasuke says. "Not happening."

"That was one time!" I exclaim.

"Yeah because we never gave you a chance to do it a second." Naruto says with comedic shivers as he remembers why they never try to wake me up nicely.

"Come on you guys, I thought you all wanted to make it back to Konoha in time for Ichiraku to open."

I nod in understanding though ramen, no matter how delicious, isn't at the forefront of my mind. That Nagging feeling of dread that has been haunting me since I woke up from my injury has still not gone away. Kiba is hurt, badly and I want to get back to him as soon as possible. It doesn't help that it could have been the feeling of me being hurt during my own battle that caused my brother to slip up.

I am dreading his reaction to the cut I am sporting now. Despite my efforts the large wound hasn't fully healed and a large scar will form across my torso from the wound. A permanent reminder of my own stupidity and flaws. This is one not like the scars from the bear claws, those have been regarded as badges of honor and strength by my clan since got them defending Ino. This new scar that will be added to the collection however is just a result of my own stupidity and arrogance. I can already hear the lecture that mum is going to give me the next time we are home at the same time. Then there is also how I am going to explain my actions on the mission, which were far from the norm for a ninja.

Rubbing my temples to fight off the incoming headache I watch the fireflies slowly take to the air. The sheer number of them is astounding, but then again Shino did let it slip that his clan cultivated both the fireflies and this particular area around Konoha so that the fireflies became very prominent. This is due to the fact that Aburame on patrols can actually use the fireflies to gather data and extend the already large reach of surveillance network that their kikiachuu are used for.

In a way it is the similar to how patrolling shinobi from my clan mark the territory surrounding the village to increase their awareness of who has been where and when. It is one of the reasons why the Aburame clan and Inuzuka clan are used defensively along with the Hyuga clan during times of high security.

Out of all the clans in the village Hyuga, Aburame and Inuzuka are the most aware of their surroundings. Though the Nara clan isn't to be underestimated when it comes to defensive abilities. The Nara engineered the positioning of look outs and check points to create an intricate and effective defensive perimeter around the village that was revolutionary. Each generation of the clan adds new improvements along with the help of the Aburame and Inuzuka clan.

All in all the Nara know the forest just as well as the Inuzuka and the Aburame. This is due to our Clans traditionally close relationships with nature. The Nara know the woods because they know the deer, the Aburame know the insects in the forest and my clan just knows the forest in general.

It is one of the reasons that Konoha has rarely faced an invasion from another village. Home field advantage in the hand of any Konoha shinobi is a deadly weapon that each clan exercises. You would have to be from Konoha to get past the security precautions of Konoha. An Inuzuka also doesn't need to be on patrol to be prowling the woods either since we are active hunters.

Speaking of which it seems like one of my kin is hunting in the area judging by the smell. Though I can't go and greet them till I report back to the Hokage on the mission and the mission is filled under complete. Though I desperately want to approach my pack mates, they could have information on Kiba and Akamaru's status.

I grit my teeth in frustration, which of course draws my teammate's attention as we leap through the trees.

Sasuke veers closer to me, "What are you worrying about this time Kokoro?"

I sigh, "I have a bad feeling."

Kakashi glances back, "Is it your bother?"

I nod grimly.

"Sasuke, Naruto," Kakashi orders. "Go on ahead I want to speak with Kokoro.

"Well, there is nothing you can do about it till we get to the village and we are going to keep up the same pace. If you let your emotions get to you head again than you're going to get reckless." Kakashi say strictly. "You need to learn to follow orders and stop thinking all on your own. You're a hypocrite in that respect."

"How the hell am I a hypocrite?" I growl.

"You try to help everyone with their problems but won't let anyone help you with whatever issue you have. You have one, admit it. You try to figure out everything on your own and make it so that people rely on you but you won't let yourself rely on others." Kakashi says having backtracked so that he is standing in front of me.

"You act like you know everything and one of these days that is going to get someone you care about killed while they try to protect you." Kakashi says his one eye looking strait though me. "Trust me you need others just as much as they need you. Acting on your own just doesn't work."

"You didn't even give Sasuke and Naruto a chance to fight alongside you." Kakashi say when he realise that I am incapable of saying anything. "You preach team work to Sasuke but don't follow your own words."

"You push yourself harder than you should when it comes to advancing your skills. Test things without knowing what could happen or if it will even work. And you do that in an uncontrolled environment." Kakashi continues. "One of these days those little spur ideas is going to back fire, especially the medical ones are especially dangerous."

"You also put your nose into everything, which is both good and bad in the shinobi world." The lecture continues. "In your case it is bad since you let everyone know what you know."

"I am aware of my flaws sensei." I say speaking for the first time since the discussion began.

"I am not arguing that, Kokoro." Sensei clarifies. "People overestimate you Kokoro because you seem so advance and show it, even if you behave modestly about it. I am not saying that you are not advanced, but you contradict yourself at every turn. The question is why you do it."

Why do I do it?

The truth is that I don't know why I do it. I know I do it, but I don't know why.

"Is it because you are the third child of a clan head, that you see yourself as inferior to your siblings?" Kakashi says as his words start circling around in my head like vultures over a corpse.

"Is it cause, you are afraid to let others down?" More vultures

"Is it cause you are afraid of failure?" and more.

"Or is it all of the above."

Suddenly the vultures stop circling and descended on the carrion that is my rotten mind. "How are people going to get strong if they are never allowed to test their own limits on their own terms, Kokoro?"

"How will Sasuke learn to use team work if you won't let him fight by your side without becoming protective of him?" Kakashi asks as he drives the nail deeper.

"What will you do when you find a problem that you can't solve, face an unknown and unexpected situation?" Kakashi asks as he drives the nail in so deep that it splits the wood.

"I know what will happen do you?" Kakashi say with a gaze that only a seasoned killer could give.

"I-I-"For once I don't have an answer. Without my prior knowledge I am pretty much useless.

"You'll crack, simple as that. Get someone killed. You are not a god sent gift to this world, you don't need to try and solve everything. You DON'T know everything." Kakashi says applying a generous amount of salt to the wound

"You remind me so much of my old team mates at times that it isn't even funny." Kakashi says as he turns his back to me. "But you are also some similar to me that it scares me."

With that Kakashi sets off after the boys. Leaving me with the scatter fragments of my mental defences. It took him less than fifteen minutes to shatter them, to break me down. Just like I did all throughout the last mission.

Aōko nudges my ankle. She's right we have to keep moving despite the fact that my whole metal stability has been shaken.

I bend down and pick up my partner and hold her in front of me. "I'm a mess aren't I?"

Aōko yips sharply in agreement. I can feel the dull amusement that she is feeling about my situation.

"Thank you for your unending support," I say sarcastically as I roll my eyes and place my companion on my head.

Aōko gives another sharp yip.

"Smart ass." I mutter as Aōko starts to wage her tail happily. At least she managed to cheer me up slightly.

Shooting off at max speed after my teammates, the gears in my mind once more start turning. Have I really been playing god, using my prior knowledge to justify my actions. But if I change thing too much, my knowledge will eventually become useless and I have nothing to fall back upon once that happens. Do I have any right to be changing the world around me using my knowledge at my whim?

Even if I am doing so with the best interest of others in mind, how do I know that I am truly creating a better future by changing the path of events? But does that mean I should just do nothing and let the sequence of events that I know happen. Or is it too late to take that path. Should I really be solving every problem on my own using my unfair advantage?

Really it could be detrimental to the growth of others if I try and do everything for them. Naruto and Sasuke will never learn the important lessons they learned in the timeline I know if they do not experience the events of that time line. We are shaped by our experiences and surroundings after all. The changes I have undergone psychologically since being born into this world is proof of that.

These are all questions that I have no answers to, I don't even think that answers even exists. There are no books that can help me know what to do in my situation. As far as I know, I am the only one with who has encountered such problems.

I am staring into the fragments of a shattered mirror reflecting back a distorted future, all I really have are fragments in the first place. My prior knowledge is actually quite limited. For example, I have no idea what is going on in Cloud or Iwa at the moment, because they weren't important to the story till later. There is a lot I don't know and there is a lot in this vast world that I am likely to never know. That disturbs me.

I grit my teeth and put more force than necessary as I finally catch up with my teammates. In the end the only way to learn something is to act and figure out for yourself.

~o~

The Gates of Konoha, can be described as two sets of contradictory statements. Intimidating and welcoming, grand and simple. Green like the leaves with red as blood writing proclaiming hermitage or retreat and the Symbol of the village engraved above it in stone. They suit the nature of the village as well as the shinobi that live beyond them.

Is it strange that passing through the wide open gates and into the walled village beyond can make a person relax so easily. Really walls would do very little to prevent attacks from other shinobi. They could easily just climb them. Yet people still feel safer with them there. Perhaps it is just human nature to seek that which we associate with safety. Walls mean shelter, but also unity and secrecy. It cuts off one point from the rest of the world and binds together that which lies within them.

Walls are a great defence, but they can also backfire. By containing yourself to a certain area you corner yourself, if you are cut off from supplies such as food and water than it can be your downfall. Diseases fester and move rapidly when introduced to an enclosed area. People who are trapped in a quarantine zone during a pandemic are almost guaranteed to die of the contagion that people are trying to keep contained.

In the end that which we associate with safety can also be danger in disguise. Sometimes even your own instincts can't be trusted. Nothing is one hundred percent trust worthy, nothing is ever certain.

Aōko yips breaking me out of my thoughts, "Shino what are you doing here?"

"I placed some of my allies outside of the gates with orders to alert me when you arrived." Shino says as he adjusts his glasses.

Those words and gesture, simple yet they send liquid dread cascading down my spine. The beast called worry that has been gnawing at my gut takes a massive bite out of me and my senses kick into overdrive.

"Shino," I ask trying to keep my voice from trembling. "Where's Kiba?"

The high pitched buzzing becomes sharper but not louder as Shino visibly tenses at my question.

"Shino, I asked where my brother is," my voice comes out as a menacing growl that could barely be considered human.

Shino once again doesn't answer me as the insects become more agitated than I have ever heard them. This time my lips curl back revealing my teeth and my voice is no longer anywhere close to human as I take a step towards the boy with each syllable. "Answer me Shino-kun, where is Kiba-nii?"

I glare right into the dark reflection of my friends glasses and see my slit pupiled brown eyes looking back at me. I can feel my insect using friend's rapid heartbeat through the skin where my toes are touching his.

"He's in the hospital, Kokoro." A voice says from behind me.

I break my feral glare to look at the speaker and am unsurprised to see the red eyes framed with black hair glaring back at me. I match the crimson glare with my own. "Take me to him."

"Once you calm down then I will take you to him." Kurenai-sensei says not breaking her eyes from mine. "With the amount of killing intent your giving off you could harm the other patients at the hospital."

I grit clench mu jaw tighter as blood flows from my closed fists. My attempts to calm myself are futile and I don't even register the pain from my self-inflicted wounds.

"Kokoro clam down," Kakashi-sensei orders.

"Calm down," I snarl as I turn my glare to the white haired shinobi. "My brother has been in the hospital for who knows how long while I have been playing peacemaker in Wave. Do not tell me to calm down."

Suddenly a pair of orange clad arms wrap around my rigid frame, "Kakashi-sensei is right Kokoro. You have to calm down, this isn't like you."

Some of the tension dissipates naturally in the embrace and soon a hand ruffles through my hair causing me to look at the onyx eyed boy to my right.

"Don't go blowing up in anger that's our team idiot's job." Sasuke says as he points to Naruto.

"Hey what's that supposed to mean." Naruto yells as his arms tighten around me.

A small warm tongue lives a wet trail across my nose and is quickly followed by a whimper.

"Its okay, Aōko," I say wanting to use my arms that Naruto is pining to my sides. I don't believe my own words though. "I am sure everything is all right."

I look over to Kurenai hoping to see something reassuring in her features, but her face is a perfectly schooled mask that tells me more than anything that something is wrong. Only when things are really bad do you hide them and erase even the traces of worry.

"Can we go see my brother now," I say my words sounding more like a plea than a request.

"I guess," Kurenai say evenly without emotion. "Come on Hinata is at the hospital with him."

I nod as my fist clenches again. Having someone by my brother's side should be reassuring, but that isn't the case. It is just one more sign that something is seriously wrong. I barely register the mechanical motions as my body moves forward towards the hospital, Naruto and Sasuke flanking my sides and Kakashi bring up the rear with Shino.

I have never heard Shino's insects' sound this agitated before, whatever happened it must have been bad to have him this on edge. Kurenai is acting like a model shinobi, emotionless. That there tells me that she is uneasy even more than her acting openly uneasy. It doesn't help that both of them smell strongly of disinfectant and medicine. The smells are fresh too, less than twelve hours old at most.

The smell of chemicals, medicine and sickness is sharp and unnerving as I walk silently into the hospital. I keep my expression schooled and my gaze straight forward, but I don't really register what I am seeing. It is like being underwater, sounds are muted, vision foggy and that weightless feeling like you're floating on the surface of the water. The only thing that really registers is the smells. Blood, sickness, pain, sweat, tears; it is all that makes up my world.

I feel a hand grip my shoulder and look over to see Sasuke looking at me, with the same dull expression that he always wears. But there is a depth to the dullness off his eyes that had been slowly fading away over the past while.

I look forward again and realise that I am standing in the doorway to the hospital room that my family had specifically reserved for members of my clan. More specifically me and my brother. With a deep breath I step into the room and that breath is taken away again.

Kiba lies unconscious on a hospital bed, his skin pale and translucent like paper. Akamaru is barely visible from his place between Hinata's arms as she holds onto him like a he will disappear in a second if she doesn't. The smell of sickness and poison is so potent that I feel nauseous and light headed from simply breathing in the air in the room.

I slowly make my way over to the ghostly form of my brother as Aōko whimpers from atop my head. Akamaru looks up at the sound of his sister's wines as we approach the bedside. Kiba's black hair that usually spikes out in every direction like my own, lies flat and lifeless against the pillow. I can't help but notice the black tint of the skin around my brothers closed eyes.

"What happened?" I ask trying to keep my voice steady as I grab my brother's hand.

"Your brother wasn't happy about you going off on your first C rank before him and he voiced his opinion openly and eventually we were assigned our first C rank shortly after your team departed for the land of waves."Kurenai says from the corner closest to the door.

"That doesn't explain how Kiba ended up like this," Kakashi-sensei says sharply. "If anything it raises more questions as to how a Genin got this injured on a C rank mission."

"It was supposed to be a simple find and rescue mission in a region close to the border along the land of Rivers. However the client misinformed us on the details of the mission. We were supposed to be dealing with a child who had gotten lost in the forest not a kidnaping orchestrated by missing Nins." Kurenai says a hint of anger in her voice.

"There were five A rank shinobi from the now dissolved Yugakure no Sato. One of them used a type of poison that doesn't activate for at least two weeks. We didn't realise that something was wrong till we had made it back to the hidden leaf village and Kiba collapsed during training." Kurenai continues. "Kiba got distracted during the battle and suffered a grazing wound to the shoulder which is when we think the poison entered his body."

My worry torn insides tie themselves into a knot, this is my fault. I getting hit was probably what distracted him during his battle.

"Are they going to be able to cure him?" I ask turning my watery eyes to the woman who was supposed to ensure my brothers safety.

"Don't worry, the poison is slow acting so there is a lot of time for the medics to figure out the antidote." A new voice says from the doorway as a familiar shade of pink catches my eye.

Sakura in the medical corps full apprentice uniform smiles reassuringly at me. I almost forgot that she actually became friends with Kiba after he introduced her to the prospects of becoming a medical Nin. Though her appearance is different than what I am used to. Her long pink hair is tied in a low bun of the left side of her neck making her seem more mature than before. I guess dealing with the horror and gore of the shinobi medical profession would make anyone grow up quickly.

Every aspect of her demeanor emanates honesty and kindness and I can tell that she truly believes in what she is saying. The girl truly is in a way the walking essence of spring, from her hair to the way she carries herself. I guess that is why I have always respected her since she acts the way people need her to, the perfect skill for a medic to have.

"Are you working on figuring out the antidote, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asks smiling at the girl which causes her to flinch away from him in response.

"What the heck are you doing here Naruto?" Sakura says with a glare as she barely restrains herself from punching my blonde teammate.

"He is here supporting his team mate just like I am." Sasuke says from where he is leaning against the wall next to Shino.

"Of course, I always knew someone like you would be there for a friend in times of distress Sasuke-kun." Sakura says as she falls into fangirl mode.

"Now is not the time or place for petty behaviour, Sakura-chan, kinda." I say glaring at the girl. "I also won't have you disrespecting Naruto only to faun over Sasuke in the same breath."

Sakura freezes at the sound of me using an honorific with her name. Most people have come to associate me using Honorifics with me using violence. I can't really say that the connection is unfounded though.

"Sorry." Sakura says looking ashamed and slightly terrified.

"Is it okay if I stay by my brother's side till he wakes up," I ask as I sit on the end of the hospital bed and curl my hand tightly around my brothers.

"Of course you can, this room is perpetually signed out by your family." Sakura says from the doorway. "Plus the Inuzuka clan get lean way since we have to allow your clans ninken into the hospital and let them stay by their partners' side. I don't think anyone would object to you and Aōko being here. If anything it will probably be more helpful than anything."

I give the slightest of nods, my head spinning from the nauseating odour that has engulfed the room. Aōko whimpers and Akamaru echoes her whine, both of them clearly worried for me and aware of the putrid stench of the room. I sway and nearly fall of the side of the bed only to be caught by a very distraught Naruto.

"Kokoro are you okay," Naruto yells anxiously. "Did you not fully heal from your wounds yet, you got hit pretty badly on our mission."

I shake my head, "its fine Naruto beside that wound has already healed and formed a scar."

"Yes but you bore more than just physical wounds as a result of that battle, Kokoro." Kakashi-sensei utters not too happy with my near fainting spell.

I shake my head vigorously this time only to feel a headache begin to form in response, "It's just the smell that is getting to me."

"I know what you mean," Kakashi says wearily. "But I still want you to get checked out by a medical Nin. Those were more than life threatening injuries you sustained during that battle. You are lucky to be alive."

I don't say anything knowing that I am not going to live down my actions during that fight till I turn to dust. I might not even live that down then. Kakashi is right no matter how much it stings my pride to admit it or how much I want to deny it.

"Actually, Hinata-san," Kakashi asks turning his attention to the Hyuga heiress. "Could you use your byakugan to look at Kokoro's chakra pathways and tell me if there is anything, off about them?"

"Y-yes," Hinata looks up in surprise at my sensei and activates her blood limit to examine my chakra pathways. Her eyebrows furrow as she frowns in confusion, worry and apprehension. "The-they seem to b-be damaged slig-slightly. It lo-looks like s-someone has been re-repairing them though and they are he-healing."

"How the hell did a genin manage to damage there chakra coils on a c-rank." Kurenai says in anger and disbelief.

"Kokoro rushed into a confrontation with an S-rank missing Nin and nearly got cut in half." Sasuke states evenly though I can hear the anger lacing his words.

"S-rank?!" the females in the room, excluding myself, exclaim. Shino's eyebrows raise at the remark and the pitch of his insects sharpen like a cat screeching when startled.

"Yeah, we ran into this dude with a really big sword and bandages around his mouth who was known as some sort of demon." Naruto hollers as he retells the story of our battle with Zabuza. "Kokoro used the really cool spear technique that caught him off guard but he-." Naruto doesn't finish the sentence as his demeanor darkens at the memory.

"Please don't tell me the mist ninja you ran into was Momoichi Zabuza, the demon of the bloody mist." Kurenai says.

"Yes it was and he wasn't alone either." Sasuke reveals.

"Uhhh, should we really be telling them about the mission before we had are briefing," I point out. "I highly doubt that our mission will remain classified as a c-rank and we did cause a bit of an uproar, kinda."

"Kokoro is right," Kakashi says "speaking of which we are extremely late. I would prefer that you come with us as well Kokoro, but I won't force you to if you wish to stay with your brother. But know that neglecting to report back in can be bad for your record and reputation."

"I will come, I do have some explaining to do." I sigh, both wanting and not wanting to leave the room. On one hand I want to stay by my brother's side and not leave him for a second if I can help it. On the other, I have a lot of explaining to do regarding the mission and I will probably end up unconscious if I stay in here any longer.

"I will see if there is anything we can do about the smell since it is obviously impacting you negatively." Sakura offers, her eyes filled with pity that she no doubt means to be consoling but it makes me want to tear her throat out. I don't want people to pity me, I deserve to suffer for causing my brother this kind of pain. I deserve punishment for my errors and carelessness.

I wordlessly walk out the door of the hospital room, everything I thought I knew about everything is nothing more than shattered glass. I have become nothing more than shattered glass.

~o~

I stand at attention between Naruto and Sasuke as Aōko rests within my jacket. The Hokage's wizened figure peers out at us from beneath the brim of the green and white hat as he sits at his desk in his office. No sooner did we enter the building were we ushered into the hokage's office for our mission briefing. It seems like word of our adventures in wave traveled faster than us. Not only that but Nara Shikaku, Shikamaru's father and head of the Nara clan is also looking at us from where he is standing next to the Hokage.

"You have a lot of explaining to do Kakashi." The Hokage says letting smoke come from his mouth like a menacing dragon before devouring an ignorant mortal.

"Well where exactly would you like us to start," Kakashi says and I can tell he is sweating a little.

"How about you start with explaining why two Kiri nukenin ended up becoming the business partners and security system for the newly formed Wave Trade company." Shikaku grumbles.

"Perhaps Kokoro can better explain that," Kakashi says looking at me. "Why don't you go ahead and tell them."

"Yes sensei," I mutter ducking my head. "After the initial conflict with Momoichi Zabuza and his apprentice Yuki Haku I took matters into my own hands by risking engaging in peace talks with Yuki Haku without my sensei's knowledge and consent. The peace talks worked after an additional confrontation between Jounin Hatake Kakashi and Momoichi Zabuza which was neutralised by Yuki-san. We were able to provide evidence that Momoichi-san and Yuki-san were going to be betrayed by their employer Gato-san. This lead to a truce agreement till the bridge was complete. A third confrontation almost occurred between our party and theirs but Gato-san showed up with a large backing of mercenaries and revealed his plans to kill Momoichi-san and his apprentice rather than paying them."

The Hokage tilts his hat downwards, "I see but I would like more detail on these peace talks."

I tense as my face turns redder and I have to force myself to keep myself from trying to make myself seem as small as possible. Thankfully Sasuke notices how uncomfortable I am with being the center of attention.

"I may be able to give more detail if I may, Hokage-sama" Sasuke says with a slight formal bow that is no doubt second nature to him thanks to his upbringing. The Hokage nods in consent and Sasuke takes my place as the center of attention. "Kakashi-sensei and I went to four of Gato's bases of operation to gather information on the man who had sent the assassin's after our client. We found evidence that Gato planed on betraying Momoichi-san and Yuki-san; specifically contracts with two to three hundred local thugs who were hired to kill Momoichi-san and Yuki-san after they murdered our client."

"Yeah, when we showed them four of those documents the two were willing to trust us," Naruto blurts out taking the spotlight by force. "It probably helped that Haku doesn't like fighting and wanted to be able to solve it peacefully and Zabuza seemed interested in what kind of crazy idea Kokoro and Kakashi came up with."

Shikaku just stares at Naruto as the Hokage smiles at the blond's enthusiasm. Though if it wasn't for Naruto suggesting that we scope out the enemy than we wouldn't have had those documents. That is probably the only reason my harebrained scheme actually worked.

Naruto not noticing the Nara clan heads look just forges on ahead. "Kokoro was also able to use all that plant knowledge she has to show them that there was awesome business opportunities in wave which is how the whole company thing got started."

"That's enough Naruto," Kakashi says placing his hand on the boys head stopping Naruto from jumping up and down. "I will take it from here, since these three have covered the middle of the mission, I'll just report on the beginning and end of it okay."

The Hokage nods and sensei takes the stage this time.

"We initially encounter the demon brothers as you already know. That was when we learned that our Client had lied to us. We decided to continue on with the mission despite the change in its ranking and imminent danger."

"Once we reached wave we were confronted by Momoichi Zabuza, I engaged in combat with him and told my students to stay in Manji formation and protect the client. Kokoro showed excellent skill in being able to track Momoichi's movements, however she went against orders and went on the offensive leaving her ninken to take her place in the defensive formation. Kokoro took a near fatal wound in the battle that has not fully healed. She also sustained non-physical injuries to her chakra coils which are also not fully healed."

I look at the ground and shuffle to the side so I am half hidden by Naruto who is grimacing at the memories.

Kakashi doesn't even spare us a glance as he continues on, "After Kokoro was downed I cornered Zabuza but before I could deal the final blow, Zabuza's apprentice, Yuki Haku, who was under the guise of a Kiri hunternin intervened. He put Zabuza into a near death state using senbon and took him without engaging in combat."

The Hokage tilts his head grimly as he trains his eyes on me. "Continue Kakashi."

Kakashi sensei continues to recount the tale of our exploits in wave but in find myself unable to remain attentive as the memories of my brother laying nearly lifeless in the cold metal bed back at the hospital come rushing back to me. His hand was so cold, his pulse slow and laboured, and his own chakra seemed to be festering with putrid signs of illness and poison. Yet I have no way to help him, I had no way of preventing this from happening and it makes me feel so helpless.

In the end all the foreknowledge, all the advanced studying, all the manipulating is but a small ripple made by a small insignificant raindrop in the pool of this world. In the end I am still nothing more than a helpless little girl. A terrified helpless little girl who thought she could fix the world. Thought she knew everything, thought she could do everything on her own. But I can't do everything on my own, so many things in this world are beyond my control, beyond my knowledge, beyond what I can see. That in itself is fucking terrifying.

That's what I really am in the end, terrified. Terrified of losing those I care about again, terrified of the unknown, terrified of the world I have been born into, terrified of what this world will make me. I push myself so hard and devalue my existence out of fear, I try to do everything for others out of fear, and I don't rely on others out of fear. Now one of my worst fears have been realised. My brother lays in a hospital bed on the brink of death and I can do nothing. The person who is closest to me, the one who is practically apart of my own soul is in danger, is hurt, on what could be his death bed and I can do nothing.

Nothing; that word is probably the word I hate the most, though useless isn't very far behind. Both of them describe me at the moment. I really am pathetic.

Elbow

I look up to see that everyone is looking at me expectantly. Turning beet red I bow in apology. "My apologises, I did not mean to zone out like that Hokage-sama."

The hokage blows a puff of smoke from his pipe and studies me carefully. "Something is bothering you."

It's a statement not a question though my inability to look the hokage in the eye still answers the hokage. He sighs, "This is about your brother is it not?"

This time is speak up to answer the question, "Yes," I answer quietly. "We vested my brother's hospital room before coming here."

"I see," the hokage says as I feel his steady gaze study me. "As punishment for your lack of obedience you will be relieved of your duties for a week and will be assigned volunteer work at the hospital."

For some reason this slap on the wrist stings more than a serious punishment. I am pretty sure that the leave is more so that I can heal and be there for my brother as much as it is a punishment. The fact that I am being assigned to the hospital just adds to that theory. Honestly it feels like salt in the wound. Nether the less I bow submissively in acknowledgment, "understood Hokage-sama."

"Good, the rest of your team mates will be taking turns working with team eight. All of you aside from Kokoro are to continue your regular training." The hokage says lifting his head to look at us, "I am aware that some of you have revealed some information regarding your mission however you are not allowed to reveal any more details. Due to the political influences your teams actions have caused this mission is now ranked as an S-rank, you may reveal the fact that it is S-ranked. You are all dismissed."

~o~

As soon as I exist the hokages office I disappear without a word to my teammates. Quietly I make my way through the streets of Konoha at a quick but not quite rushed speed. I can seem to find the energy or motivation to rush home. The world seems foggy and mute again as I wind my way through the crowd, each street bring memories of me and my brother with each turn. Like ashes on my tongue they leave a gritty bitter taste and make my mouth and throat feel parched and rough like sandpaper.

Liquid nitrogen might as well be flowing through my veins with how cold the fluid in them is, my pulse is slow without the energy and fire that my brother's soul has always given me through our link. But now that link seems to be conveying only the tarlike black substance of sickness and is void of the energetic life that I find comforting.

Landing onto the roof of the home, a place that seems like a haunted graveyard of memories shared by me and my brother I hastily put my pack into my room, our room. The room that me and my brother have shared for years, the one with twin beds place together since both us and are ninken refuse to be separate even now. My heart is crushed by the memories and my vision becomes even more blurred.

Stubbornly blinking and forcing myself to focus, I leave the ghosts behind and head out to the one place I wish to be most, yet never want to see.

~o~

I slip into the open hospital window, Aōko cradled in my arms as I try to find courage and comfort in her earthy scent and soft fur that I am so familiar with, that I associate with home. I am greeted by the sight of a meadows worth of flowers that I can tell are Ino's doing by the way they are arranged. The gesture makes my vision begin to blur again, but I once again force it to focus.

My brother's body hasn't moved a bit from before and he still looks as if he is on the very edge of deaths blade. Akamaru lays curled up on the foot of the bed in a ball so tight it seems as if the poor pup was trying to make himself so small that he would disappear completely. Though a few changes other than the flowers have also been made to the room since I left, such as the extra bed that has been put into the room, most likely for me and the figure in the chair. I silently approach the bedside and the seated person.

"None of us wanted to leave Kiba alone so I offered to wait here till you got back. Why? Because you are both my friends." Shino says quietly as I stand next to the bed.

"Thank you," I whisper quietly. I know Shino means his words, I have never heard his insects become so quiet and well unsettled. I can't keep the blurring away this time as I look down at the one thing I wanted, need to protect and failed. I lay Aōko down next to her brother who needs her comfort more than ever. The smell of salt is strong in the air now as the sound of water droplets hitting the ground echoes in the nearly silent room.

"Kokoro-chan?" Shino askes worriedly, his insects becoming louder in response to their host's distress caused by my distress.

I don't answer as my shoulders continue to shake, betraying me as much as my eyes. My throat is filled with mud and clay and my breathing raged like a piece of cloth that has been stuck in a tree through a dozen and one storms. Despite all efforts I can't stop myself and am once again helpless to my emotions. Shino's insects are frantic, their hosting having no real clue on what to do in the situation he has been put in and I feel guilty that I am putting Shino though having to see me like this.

"I am pathetic aren't I," I mutter with a dark laugh that is completely empty between the breathless sobs that crash over me like waves beating the coastline in a storm.

My head snaps to the side in shock as a pair of awkward and apprehensive arms wrap around my quaking form. Instinctively push forward into the arms of the bug user and I burrow my head into the shoulder of my socially awkward friend as the sobs raking my body grow stronger. My actions catch Shino off guard almost sending us both tumbling onto the tilled floor of the hospital. No sound other than my pathetic crying comes from either of us as my mirror comes falling down and the image, the illusion of myself that I made shatters completely.

Slowly the rivers on my cheeks stop flowing as they run dry and the shaking breaths even out. I don't let go of the fabric in my grip though as I listen to the calming hum of Shino's insects, a sound that I have become so familiar with over the years. Shino stands like a stone statue with her arms around me nothing moved from the position since I started crying. I never realised that Shino had grown a few inches taller than me, even more than Kiba did. The realisation just makes me feel smaller and even weaker.

"Sorry," I mutter my voice muffled by the fabric that my face is buried in.

"There is no need to be sorry." Shino states evenly.

"Liar," I mutter looking up at the dark glasses that shield his eyes from view.

Shino raises an eyebrow at my declaration." How so?"

"I made you uncomfortable and that is something to be sorry for." I reply my voice hoarse from crying.

"How could you possibly know the emotions of others?" Shino asks trying to dismiss my claims.

I give a dry chuckle," your emotions are plains as day to me idiot, they have been since day one." I say staring at those dark glasses that I have never seen behind despite many attempts. "You do show a lot of emotion you know, not visibly but you do."

"You couldn't possibly be able to read my emotions. Why, because how else would a person display emotion. Body posture and facial expression are all visible ways of showing emotion. " Shino challenges with a raised eyebrow.

I give a half smile, the only bit of a genuine smile I can give, "I can hear your emotions idiot, and your insects give you away bug boy."

"That is not possible. Why? Because the frequency that the Kikiachuu emit is not audible even to those of your clan Kokoro, very few individuals have ever been able to hear them." Shino states his insects buzzing in initiation due to the fact t that I have continued to argue with him.

"The how come I know that you are annoyed by the fact that I will not let you win this argument?" I ask smirking. "I have been using Chakra to enhance my sense before I even knew what chakra was Shino. As a result my sense are all highly developed and sensitive." I admit giving away the little secret that my family has been keep since they realised why I ended up suffering from chakra exhaustion since I was a baby.

"How long have you been able to hear my insect exactly?" Shino asks.

I actually smile, "I told you, since day one. I was able to hear them plain as day when I sat next to you on our first day at the academy. Honestly I don't think we would be such close friends if I wasn't able to hear them, being able to read another's emotions is very important for those in my clan."

Before Shino can respond the sound of a person groaning echo's through the room, followed by an excited pair of barks. For a second the breath in my lungs seems to disappear and my heart forgets to beat. A ray of light forcing itself through the storm clouds as tears once again spring to my eyes.

~o~

Hello people, I am glad you enjoyed the last chapter so much. Yes I dropped an anvil of feels again and there is more to come later on. The emotional and psychological shake up this chapter caused is not just going to go away magically and this will not be the last breakdown Kokoro has. Also Haku will make another appearance later on.

Also I posted this chapter early in celebration of KnM hitting 200 followers, I may post another omake later. To be honest I didn't think this story would get that much love at all let alone so quickly. So thank you to all you wonderful, awesome people 3! Also tell me what you guys would like to see for the omake.

Next time on KnM: Kokoro continues to deal with her emotional turmoil and has her knowledge of medicine put to the test.