AN: It's not dead! If it is then it's a zombie. We all know what to do with zombies... I feel like I'm too far off topic... but... eh whatever.

Ch. 20

"We change, whether we like it or not"

Ralph Waldo Emmerson

At the end I was still sitting in a chair, at a table in the middle of what seemed to be a massive battle with bodies strewn everywhere and the red tint of the drinks actually added to this illusion. I was pretty much the only one still up. The last survivor of the Great Party party all began to turn into kind of a blur. Faces began to melt together as time went on and eventually all the fun and excitement faded away... leaving several dozen crewmembers unconscious on the floor. I'm not even certain if I drank anything with alcohol... people just kept handing me bottles and cups.

The strange part is I felt perfectly fine. I know there had to be alcohol somewhere but... I can conjugate sentences perfectly and I'm not too wobbly. I just felt full. Shepard was in the seat next to me head laying in her crossed arms on the table. Garrus was in front of me sitting perfectly straight up, but his eyes were closed and his breathing (which sounded a bit like a dog's snores) was as rhythmic as the rest of the crews.

I swish around the cup in my hand and watch the liquid inside react. I sigh, I'm betting it's the Owner's fault I'm still conscious. Probably some weird metabolism thing that Mordin will explain to me later and I'll likely not understand. I mean if it is the mods fault why is it I can drink forever but a tiny bit of Varren has me puking my guts out.

Heh, I laugh at my own stupid thoughts. Which really, it isn't all that funny. Guess I must be getting a bit tired.

I watch Shepard shift in her sleep; she buries her head deeper into her arms. I set my drink down and lean back. I'm tired but something won't let me sleep... regardless of how long I sit back and keep my eyes closed.

I rise up and after a cursory glance I notice Joker's not amongst the unconscious. Guess he went back to the cockpit. Hmm... Go see a possibly conscious Joker or sit here amongst the unconscious... and while I don't mind watching Shepard sleep... she's just so peaceful... It doesn't make for the best conversation.

So I grunt and rise to my feet and head for the elevator. Working my way through the bodies in the dim light. Everything was quiet. I carefully step over Gabby and Ken, my last obstacles, and enter the elevator. I hum "For he's a Jolly Good Fellow" as the elevator ascends.

I feel the subtle feeling of the elevator slowing to a stop. Step out into the CIC. Which was empty except for a skeleton crew. Only about three or four people were at their stations. Joker was one of those people.

"Pew, pew, pew." He mimes firing a pistol at various space debris as I walk up.

"Get anything?" I can't help but laugh… I love it when stupid moments from the game translate. Oh my God… what if Legion does the robot? I'd die…

"I wasn't doing anything." He puts his hands down to the controls almost lightning fast.

"How are things up here?" I'm smiling like an idiot… I love staring out at space… all those lights are stars… all those stars have planets… and some of those planets have life.

"Good enough. I mean it's not army of people passed out good but still pretty good." Ah sarcasm…

I glance at his controls and see a button taped down. "That the mute button?" Now I know why he's so happy.

"Oh, yeah." He leans back basking in the silence.

EDI's globe sits emotionlessly next to him, just staring at him. Awe come on don't leave EDI like that she's good people.

I swipe the tape off the button and un-mute it. EDI's globe brightens momentarily and settles back down. "Thank you Operative Doe." I think the glow might be a sort of computeresque rush of emotions… or it's kind of like when you run the vacuum and it makes everything else weird. So when I hit the button to unmute… or I could just forget and not care.

"No problem EDI." I settle in the co-pilots seat. They argue, and argue and, I'm starting to wish Joker had a mute button too. Despite that I can feel myself fading. Sleep always hit me from out of nowhere. I just fade without realizing it. Things just turn to black...

"Get up!" I hear a harsh whispering. "Get up!" It sounds a bit like Joker. "Shit Get Up!" Definitely Joker. Of course anytime I hear the word shit I imagine Joker's run through the ship… wait I might be able to change that… but… you know what let the universe explode, I'm going to protect my friends to the best of my abilities.

My eyes shoot open... I'm currently curled up in the co-pilots chair in the pitch black of the... wait the cockpit shouldn't be pitch black it should have the glow from EDI and the hall and Jokers controls... so why's everything dark? "People had better... be..." I spot a pair of bodies on the ground... "Dying..." I notice Joker in the pilot's chair next to me cowering.

"Joker are you ok?" I whisper. I can barely see but I see a slight shift in his movements. I reach down to my waist... of course I don't have my guns on me. I took them off and returned them to the armory a bit after the party started. The armory that was on the other side of the ship...

"Yeah..." he whispers back. Good he's conscious.

"Any visuals?" He glances around the chair around the same time as me. I hear a sudden pfft of air, and a sort of plink sound against the floor. I glance around the corner and actually see the faint light that I assume is coming from someone with night vision goggles.

"We're boned," I say at a normal decibel. I'm not going down easy though.

"Shut up!" Joker glances back around his chair... and immediately ducks back. "Shit he's closer."

I start to glance just for something to plunk into my chair. I act immediately. Something plunked into my chair, plunked, bullets don't plunk, tranq shots do. I activate my omni tool and point it at the figure; I spot a small holdout pistol in the figures hand. The barrel glints and I feel something puncture my stomach... I know this dance. I charge forward ignoring the numbness spreading from my stomach.

I slam into the figure and knock him to the ground, I go down too as well though. I'm not staying down! I'm not going to lose! I'm not going back to the Owner! I'm Not Ready Yet!

I win the short wrestling match to decide who was on top of the fight and bring my right arm down... with all the strength I can muster. I hear a loud thud as I hit the floor the figure had dodged. I hook my left arm and manage to clip the figure. His head snaps to the side.

I can't feel my legs... the figure pushes me off, and shakily tries to get to his feet. I grab his ankle with my left, I yank his ankle back and take away any balance he had. I rotate my whole upper body and slam my elbow at his now more conveniently located chest... I feel his chest give under my elbow. I feel elation... then despair as I lose the feeling in my arm... and slowly... it creeps up my neck... I give a short choked gasp as everything goes black...

"...e alright?" I think I hear someone talking...

"...ll be up so..." I can barely hear them...

"How the hell did they get on the ship!" I hear them now...

"Shepard, he's... coming around!" Mordin. I manage to tack a name on one of the voices.

"Will!" That would be Shepard, the other voice. Man... I passed out again... well more like I was tranqued.

"I don't want to go to school!" I moan for laughs.

"Seems fine." Mordin responds, "chemical was non-lethal... though numbness is likely used to inspire a loss of hope... and terror." "Backfired... enhanced resistances allowed for counter attack and..."

"I know! I was the one who counter attacked." I sit up despite protests from Shepard and Mordin. "How's my opponent?" I look around the... Medical bay... wait where's Chakwas? A bed down from me I see a body... female, covered... like they do when... oh god. I glance away and spot Chakwas' silver hair out in the mess.

"Dead." Shepard responds.

I lie back down... Never hit girls... a dumb rule I know but... it was a part of me, something I kept close and tried my hardest to uphold, the one moral I managed not to break despite so many things... and... I broke it. He made me break it. I... don't want to... I don't want to fight anymore.

"Will?" Concern is etched in her voice. Shepard… I…

"One rule..." I mumble. I close my eyes, "I had one rule Shepard, no women." Does that count as two rules? "I won't even spar with women."

"Will..." Her voice trails off, "What the Hell is wrong with you!" She's not as sympathetic as I had hoped.

"I broke my rule..." I answer exasperated. A piece of my soul was torn away.

"It's a dumb chauvinist rule!" She practically shouts in my ear.

"But... it's all I had..." The only thing left from my dimension... I lost my body, my clothes, any keep sake I had... except for that one rule... all the others broke with time... except that one... until now.

"If you really believe all these rules set you apart from amoral people? Then what do you think of me?" I pause... "I've broken everyone of your personal rules that you spout off, does that make me a bad person?" She holds my gaze; I see pain in her eyes...

"I'm... not..." I can't argue with Shepard, but I can't let her think that I think she's a bad person... I don't know what I can...

"Not?" She's listening angry intently.

"I'm not like any of you..." I feel like that one missed the mark.

"Us? What are we like?" Definitely missed the mark.

"I... uh... I mean..." Damn how can I possibly recover from completely separating myself from her in one stupid sentence!

"You have got to drop these dumbass notions! Or else one day someone who's depending on you will die because of it!" I stare into her eyes and see pain... is she talking from... "If you can't then get off at the next stop!"

My mind and body freeze... I don't notice Shepard walk out of the room or Mordin after taking a quick scan following after her. All I can think about is her words... how much I wanted to argue... and how little a case I could make against them... I... I don't want to throw the rule away, my central code... but... I'm not... Damn it I don't know what to do! I always managed to survive, to win, even with these dumb naive rules of mine but... I can't just throw them away... they're apart of me... and I've got so few parts of me remaining...

I stare at my geth arm… My fingers are fidgety... Must've damaged it when I slammed my fist into the floor. I glance over at the body of the woman I killed. I can't even try to go to another place in my mind; I can't hide from it... I can't advance to the next part of the mission and ignore it... I'm trapped with it... an... I know I'll never be the same as I was... the day before my 21st birthday...

Happy Birthday... to me... Happy birthday… to me… Happy birthday… dear Will… Happy birthday… to me…