Lucky Enough to Live

by flying feather scribbles

[Sequel to Explosive Energy] Emmaline has started her life over. Then she runs across a sudden fight between Superheroes and Super-Villains near Central Park and finds Danny injured. She takes him back to her apartment to find he is dying and there's nothing she can do, and his friends don't even know. Just a great new start of her final days to life.

20. Lights Out

Thank you so much for the reviews! ;-D They make my day!

BowTies23: Aw, thanks. You really were? Aw, that's sweet. =)

Hamster1000: Oh, be quiet. They're both 18, plenty old enough for this, sis. It's not gross! It's what happens when you combine descriptive writing & my insane mind!

leggo lover 99: I'm trying! ;-D

TheOnyxDragon12: Yes, she is. Very. Actually, I don't know where I got Sage from... (I tend to "improvise" my plot as I write). It probably would be a bit... yeah... but, don't worry, more excitement will be coming soon!

Chapter 20: Lights Out

"What is family?

They were the people who claimed you

in good,

in bad,

in parts or in whole,

they were the ones who showed up,

who stayed there regardless."

-Sarah Dessen

It's funny the way something so small can affect you so much. Before answering the door, I had been cheerfully reading a book. Now it seems impossible to do something so normal.

I don't know where they are. Sliding into the nearest armchair, I reflect on what I do know: that they hate me. It's odd; from what I remember of my younger years, they were average parents. They were always occupied with work or my siblings, not leaving much time for me.

Now that I think about it, I don't even know what their jobs were. I don't care either, except that if a ten year old girl can find me, then they probably can too. Which, to be honest, worries me. I don't know these people anymore, I don't so much as care about them, but they still remember me- who I was. They hate me for who I've become.

What have I become? Am I a 'hero' like my friends? I don't know. I belong where I am, though- wherever that is. Maybe if I had longer than my remaining eleven months, I could find who I should be. What would I be doing with my life if I didn't have to leave so soon? Danny would still have to go to K'un L'un to become king, so perhaps this is for the better. There are not many true choices to make, honestly. Why should I keep bothering about this anymore? It won't matter when I'm gone, after all, and eleven months isn't nearly as long a time as it sounds.

What should I do with my life? How do I want to be remembered?

The closer death is, the more you value life. It makes every moment golden, every second unbelievably precious.

I don't know what I want to do. There are things I like to do. Really, though, all I have ever wanted is to simply live, and that is, ironically, just about the only thing I cannot do. I want to help make others' lives better, but I don't know how.

Maybe I should try making up with my family. They aren't my family anymore, though. They never cared for me until now, so why should I start caring all of the sudden? The reason I left them in the first place was to protect them. I couldn't control myself at all- not that I am much better now than I was then.

I don't know if I can make up with them. Some things just can't be forgiven, and trust isn't exactly handed out like candy; it's earned. Only time can heal certain wounds- but it has been years. It has been so much easier just to push them away, to tell myself that just because they share my blood doesn't mean we're 'family', solely that we are related.

Why did Abigail try to find me at all? She must have been desperate to come looking for somebody she had never known, somebody who may have been dead for all she knew. Very desperate. My heart pangs with regret, but I don't want to try finding her again. I don't want to face any of them ever again. It wouldn't do any good; the likelihood of them forgiving me seems slim, and, in any case, I don't have enough time left. Chances are that it would take me months to find each person, not to mention that I don't think I'm in the best position to travel.

If my mutation had been controllable, though, and I hadn't run away, where would I be now? I would have lived a true childhood- or maybe not. Either way, I would have been the odd one out, and my parents would not have had any more time for me than previously. I might not have met Danny. He might have died- he probably would have. Although he wouldn't be blind- but being blind is better than dying (in my opinion, anyway). I wouldn't have a family. Those people- they didn't ever treat me like family. I don't think my parents have ever cared about me until now; I would have grown up alone and ignorant to the world around me.

Maybe this is for the best. I don't like it, but I can't change it. Perhaps I should have helped Abigail, but I don't know how. I can't even control my own mutation, and the protection I have to offer is utter rubbish- look at what happened to Danny. I wouldn't be around long for her, and then she would be amongst complete strangers, alone. What fate have I doomed her to as it is? This is exactly why I want to leave my relatives alone, leave their problems as their problems and my problems as my problems.

I'm still scared to die. Why? Why me? It's a question that I can't stop asking myself. I know why I have to die, but that doesn't make it fair, or make me happy and willing. In many ways, I am selfish for thinking about it this way- how can you weigh one person's life against existence?

A funny, random thought occurs to me, and I laugh aloud. What if this is how all the big bangs occur? The idea is laughable, silly, and rather impossible, but nevertheless, I have to laugh at the irony.

"Why are you laughing?" Danny asks, walking into the living room.

I pause, feeling awkward. "Oh, nothing."

"Nothing being funny? Who was at the door?"

Rats- the doorbell is loud, and I guess that he could hear it from wherever in the house he was. "Um... just a girl."

"Who was this... girl?"

"Abigail."

"Who is Abigail?"

I sigh. "Nobody."

"Nobody can make you sound so worried?" I can hear the concern echoing in Danny's calm voice.

"Danny, she's just one of my sisters, okay? And she's gone, now. To Xavier's."

"Xavier's?"

"You know, the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters. Where I went for awhile."

"You have been there?" Danny asks, surprised.

"Yes, I've been to a lot of places, okay?" I snap testily.

He frowns. "What is wrong?"

"A lot is wrong right now, and I can't make any of it right! I'm going to die, and I don't even know what to do anymore. What am I supposed to do, sit around here and wait? It's too late to start living!"

"It is never too late to start over again." He pauses. "Emma, this is hard for you, I know."

I'm nearly yelling now. "No, you don't know, Danny! There's a difference between knowing and understanding, and I don't think you know what it feels like to see the end so close. I've been this way for years, not knowing when the end was- just that it would be soon- and now I know! It's one thing to have lived and know you're dying, but I haven't lived, only a few short months. I've spent my whole life preparing for the end, Danny, and you've spent yours preparing to be a king! THERE'S A PRETTY BIG DIFFERENCE THERE!"

"Yes," Danny says simply.

"YOU THINK?! I'm tired of being this way, constantly trying my best, but it's not enough- not enough to live, anyways. I was born to die! It hurts to think that I'm not worth keeping around, but idiots like the Trapster are! I deserve to die, but Dr. Doom and Doc Ock don't?"

"Perhaps you are the only one worthy to die, the only person strong enough to bear such a burden," he replies softly. I stare at him, my eyes filling with tears at his gentle voice. "Do you think I want to watch you die? You seemed to have accepted your fate, and said you were ready to live, so I am trying my best to aid you."

The waterworks start. Why am I crying so much? I sit there on the chair, feeling stupid; ignorant; weak- hating myself as I rock back and forth. Danny stands there sadly, until the tears have slowed enough for me to hoarsely whisper, "What did you tell them?"

"I informed them that you would be coming to K'un L'un with me. Ava demanded why, and I said that the reasons were yours to tell."

"I haven't talked to her in days... she's always studying, and says she doesn't have time to talk," I whisper. "Oh, Danny. I have to tell them."

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))

That night, Danny orders pizza that arrives right as our friends come back. Mrs. Parker is gone once more, mountain climbing again (apparently it's a "3 month reunion"). Everyone is laughing and talking around me as we eat in the living room, and I faintly try to join in. My bitter, unsaid words gnaw away guiltily in my gut, and my voice quivers whenever I try to talk with one of my teammates. Truthfully, I am only half paying attention to the conversation (and completely ignoring the burping competition between Peter and Sam) as I try to figure out how to explain.

Comfortingly, Danny slips an arm around my shoulder- which Sam does not fail to loudly point out. Danny doesn't move his arm, though, just shrugging away the others' laughter and teasing words. He carefully redirects the conversation to our families (a touchy point for everyone), and then to K'un L'un, telling them when he is leaving. They know something is up, though, because Danny doesn't normally say much at dinner, preferring to listen and occasionally interject as the peacekeeper with one of his 'fortune cookie' remarks.

"So, Em, are you leaving with him too, then?" Sam asks, his mouth full of half chewed pizza.

"Yes," I reply carefully.

Ava frowns. "Why?"

Danny squeezes me, and I manage to keep my voice from quavering as I say, "To sleep."

Sam, Luke, and Ava look puzzled, but a look of understanding dawns on Peter's face, his eyes widening. "Wait- what kind of sleep? Like the Sleeping Beauty sleep, or the regular sleep, or the dying kind of sleep?"

"'Sleeping Beauty sleep'?" I laugh, trying to make light of the situation. They all know my answer immediately from my high-pitched voice, though.

"What, what?" Ava demands. "You're not going to die. Why would that happen?"

I can't meet her eyes anymore. Peter is gaping at me, and I realize with a sinking feeling that maybe he doesn't dislike me as much as I thought. Kind of like Snape in Harry Potter. Luke's eyebrows are raised, and Sam has stopped eating altogether, glancing from me, to Ava, to Peter, to Danny, and back again. "It's for the best," I admit.

"What the hell, Emma?!"

"Okay, look, maybe I haven't been completely honest about my mutation."

"Ya think?" Luke snorts.

I sigh. How, exactly, do you say that you're born to destroy the entire universe plus anything else that may exist? I glance into Danny's beautiful, unseeing green eyes, though, and find the strength to continue. "I've known for years that I'd have to die, but I didn't know when, so there wasn't a reason to tell you guys. I just sorta wanted to live, you know?"

Ava looks at me with utter disbelief. "What do you mean? Why on earth would you think that you have to do this?"

"I know I have to do it; I've known for years, Ava," I say, trying to stay calm. "I have to die because I can't control my mutation. It just gets more and more powerful. I was born to destroy everything. But that would be stupid, to risk everything for my life. So I decided that I was born to die."

Sam's eyes widen suddenly, and I remember him talking about his 'other team' a few times. I assume that he must know something about this.

I take a deep breath in and continue. "I'm going with Danny to die in K'un L'un. He says it's beautiful and peaceful, and I want to see it before I die. I used to want to travel the world, you know," I reminisce wistfully.

"What's stopping you?" Luke says in disbelief.

"I don't travel well..."

Ava growls. "Why are you going to K'un L'un then?!"

"Because that's, you know, the end. I won't have to worry about... stuff."

"You shouldn't have to die."

"Life's not fair. You think I like this? You think that I want to do this?"

"You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do, Ava."

"No. You. Don't. You're choosing this," Ava hisses, before storming away.

"Is this just some practical joke or something?" Peter breaks the awkward silence with his nervous laughter. "Cuz it's not funny, Em."

Since when does Peter call me 'Em'? He almost never talks to me. Luke answers him before I can, saying, "Dude, does she look like she's kidding?"

Sam shakes his head at me. "Well, this sucks."

"Tell me about it. I'm the one dying, not you."

"Yeah, well, I'm one of the people you're leaving, you know." His bitter words hit home. This is precisely why I shouldn't have found a family; I'm just going to hurt them. Just look at what happened to Danny. I'm so selfish, so stupid.

As if Danny can hear my thoughts, he draws me closer until I am sitting in his lap. "All endings are simply new beginnings in disguise," he says quietly to Sam.

I'm surprised that Sam cares so much. Surprised that any of them care. "Don't give me that crap, fortune cookie. She's gonna die, and you don't even care."

Danny's grip tightens on me. "Friend, perhaps you should consider how difficult you are making this for her," he says, his words harsh and biting.

"Yeah, well maybe you should learn to care!" Sam half-yells back. I hate this whole conversation, the entire situation.

"I'm sorry!" I cry, standing up. "Don't argue, you guys. It's... fine." I can barely force the words to tumble from my tongue, but they fall smoothly and sound convincing, the way I intended them to be. Danny gentle tugs on my hand, and I collapse back into his lap, suddenly exhausted. I don't know why the lights are flickering, why I feel so dizzy, why the world is spinning, why the blackness is covering me like a thick blanket...

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

"Well, this just sucks," I hear Sam saying.

Peter sounds completely awed. "She made the electricity go out."

"Well, yeah, Web Brain, electricity is sort of energy, you know."

I blink, my head pounding, and try to sit up. The only light is Danny's glowing fist, and I stare, mesmerized, until Danny shakes me.

"What happened?" I ask wanly.

"You, uh, made the lights go out," Peter says.

Sam elaborates. "And the A/C and heat, and microwave, and phones, not to mention-"

"Dude, you shut off the electricity," Luke sums up.

My hands are buzzing. "Or absorbed it," I whisper, mortified. I used my power. Great. This is exactly what I've been trying to avoid. Once I get started, it's hard to stop, and it's only become more difficult of late. The only person who hears me is Danny, and I feel him stiffen beside me.

"Draw the curtains," he commands. I can hear one of the boys stumbling towards the window, but before he can reach it, they jerk back of their own accord. I shake my hands anxiously, shivering.

"What the-?" Sam says.

"No, no, no," I tell myself, but my hands are shaking, full of energy. Outside, I can see the entire block has gone dark. It's a stormy day, but the lightning and thunder are gone. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the ringing. I feel Danny scoop me up.

"Breath. In... out. In... out... in... out..." he says calmly, and I obey, trying to concentrate on my breathing. In... out. In... out... in... out...

On each out, I gradually let a little bit go, until I feel relatively normal (as in, I feel like I just drank ten cups of coffee while on runner's high after eating a few bucketfuls of sugar).

"Wait, what? The lights are back?" Sam sounds absolutely bewildered.

"That," I gasp, "was a complete accident, simple for me as slipping on one of Peter's tools and falling, and is exactly why I have to go. I don't even know how I'm going to last eleven more months."

"You will," Danny says firmly, and oh, do I want to believe him.

Ava storms in. "I was studying. What the fu-"

"Shut up," Peter advises her (a dangerous thing to say to an angry Ava, and I briefly admire him). Ava glares at all of us, then stomps back upstairs. I do not want to go in there tonight.

"So yeah," I say, blinking back the unbidden tears. "That's why... I'm so-" Before I can finish my sentence, Danny kisses me, and I find myself in his arms, passionately kissing him back, until we need to breath and are forced to break apart. I grin and Luke, Peter, and Sam, not bothering to feel embarrassed. Danny's lips on mine just feel so completely right in this messed up world, and I'm tired of holding back. If Danny wants to kiss me, if he wants to love me, then I'm going to love him back with all my heart for the rest of my life. It's not fair to either of us to fall in love, but if Danny is willing, then I'm going all the way- it's not like I can stop feeling this way.

"Since when are you two-" Peter sputters.

Danny chuckles. "A long time, my friend. Perhaps it is time you two settle your differences and learn to get along." Both Peter and I blush, shuffling our feet.

"Sorry," he says.

"I'm sorry too," I admit.

"What on earth is this world coming to? Is the universe ending?" Ava gasps dramatically from the corner.

"Not while she's alive," Peter ventures, and I find myself laughing at his stupid pun, and everyone joins in. Yes, this is where I belong, with my family. My crazy, insane, superhero, annoying, awesome family.