Magnus sat down against broken tombstone and stared up at the sky. All the familiar constellations were still there – the same as they'd been after first time he used magic hundreds of years ago, and then at the time he found his mother. The night sky's patterns always remained predictable, no matter how much everything changed and no matter how much everything pained him. At times in his life he'd found this soothing and at other times infuriating, angry, sad all those feelings mixed up. Now he just felt numb cold as starlight that was shinning in nights sky, they were not even one step closer to finding answers, none of them. Magnus though this whatever happened might clear some fog from their path and show some kind of answers, but all it did made him more lost. Max's words kept repeating in his mind "Alec is closer than you think, much closer" Magnus pinched the bridge of his nose as the thoughts pummelled him. He didn't have answers. Nobody did and what Max said only confused everyone. Izzy for some reason kept silent as others asked same question each other "What the hell just happened" or questions along those lines, but none of them knew. And to be honest Magnus didn't care why Izzy was silent, just staring at the spot where Gideon was, who cared at last, and Magnus knew as day it wasn't him. It was not that he hated Gideon, he knew that, because to begin with he didn't even know him, even when there was times he thought for a split second he did, it was mostly because of what happened back then when he misunderstood Gideon over Alec, but gladly Gideon didn't remember any of it, which wasn't surprise consider condition he was in back then. Still Magnus was not able to forget that kiss, it felt like he was kissing his love and he couldn't think other way even when it was sure as day it wasn't his Alec... He snorted and blew out long sign why he couldn't sleep away the pain and wake up with his Angel beside him, why this everything was looking more and more like fake hope he was grabbing, but then why Alec was not along with Max after all he cared about Alec and missed him more than anything else, then why he was not with Max if he was … dead. At least if he did see Alec he would be able to stop everything because then he would know that his love was truly gone and that there was nothing to be done about it, but now Magnus knew he was back to the start still hoping and searching, even when there is no leads to start the search...

And Gideon, why did his eyes showed hope and love when he looked at him back before the actual ritual.. why did he feel like there was something else in younger warlock, something his heart longed, why all of this... It was just to confusing.

"Magnus, you fine?"
"No, Simon I am fucking not, but what can you do about it, huh?"

"Well there is no need for your bitchiness, as far as I can tell."

"Fuck off"

"But that kid, Gideon I guess knows his stuff, even thought that Ash or whatever you call him, is surely not human nor something like you, even thought I don't have a clue what he has to do with Gideon and all this mess and... Max it's..."

"Clary, we know, believe me we do, it is just totally messed up, but from what... Max said Alec is somewhere alive like Seelie queen had said we just have to look, that's all we can do now..right Izzy?"

"Yea... I mean yea right I I know.." She sounded clearly off for some reason. Like in deep thought.

Everything was starting to piss Magnus off so he decided to call the day and go "home" some random hotel and sulk there, despite everything he was exhausted without single word Magnus stood up and walked anyway he didn't care if anyone noticed it or not. His mind was to busy with memories and thoughts that held no answers even when he desperately looked for them. It didn't take long for Magnus to find the place where he would stay tonight it was not that he cared either, since it was long ago he called any place his home, because home he had was locked and left for nearly 18 years now, everything was same there as before, everything happened and Magnus left it all that way.

For a few hours he'd been able to lose himself in some TV show even thought Magnus didn't pay much attention to it. White smoke was surrounding him and this morning full packet of cigarettes was almost empty now, lazy smoke was floating in air, Magnus stared at it without really looking at it, his mind was somewhere else, and he was not sure even where to be honest, it jumped from one memory to other without really letting him realise what actually he was remembering. That's rest of the day went by, even though some little voice inside of him was still dazed, bleating over and over "Alec is near. He is there somewhere waiting for you, move do something." and then for some reason he would see Gideon behind his closed eye lids and stupid voice inside his head.

Magnus mentally kicked the voice to death until it shut up.

But what if Alec somehow had something to do with Gideon? What if Gideon had to do something with Alec? This thought came to him later that night while Magnus was sitting in same spot he was before in front of TV and watching day sky change to night sky everything slowly turned into some sort of fairy land Magnus knew it was silly and stupid thought, but if he didn't pay attention to people and normal ordinary things everything was drowned into light, different ranges of light dots moving around, one shinning brighter, one duller until disappearing.

After all it was city that never slept, Magnus looked up to sky and for a moment and thought what would people do if everything stopped, would they notice beauty of life without material things. Would they see the way he saw, without technology without rushing, just taking a moment and stopping just taking deep breaths and trying to forget what is going to be next day, next month... Even when in the end all his thoughts would focus on baby blue eyes he missed and still waited despite everything. But now he didn't only see eyes he longed, he saw baby blue eyes, but one was like his, cat like pupil.

He opened his eyes and stood up barely managing not to punch wall. Magnus knew he just couldn't sit in room, he would have gone insane, he pulled on pair of shoes and headed out. He headed towards gym that was located in other side of street, it was like this sometimes, just running, punching something made him calm down and for a moment forget, and that's what Magnus needed now. He entered the reception there was barely anyone there and Magnus was not surprised since it was 22:45, but that way it was better, no need to ignore someone that tried to talk with him, he was not in mood to chat with anyone without hitting that person in the end.

He paid lady at the desk barely hearing what she said to him and grabbed towel on his way from the cabinet where they were kept, since he didn't bother to bring anything nor get anything with snap, and he was already wearing sweatpants, t-shirt and running shoes.

Magnus knew nobody would have recognised him these days heck he didn't recognise himself mostly, but this thought made image of Gideon pop in his head, since Gideon looked mostly like he did back then, even when it was more calmed down wardrobe.. Magnus gritted his teeth and went down to exercise room. Down there he did fierce pumping raps on the machines for almost hour while trying to let all his anger out onto machines, then he ran for miles on the treadmill, until the sweat something he would have hated before was streaming and his muscles felt limp. Finally when he felt like his lungs might explode he stopped, panting. He had pulled off his t-shirt as he ran and now he used it to mop his face and chest.

"Good workout?" asked an attendant.

Magnus lifted his head and stared at the guy, hardly knowing where he was for a second. Then he nodded and managed a smile somehow. "Yea."

Then he stood up. His muscles felt like water, and Magnus thought he was going to be able to get at least some of nights sleep, without any dreams he did not want to have at least tonight.

"How long have you been working out, seriously I wish I had muscles like you have." Magnus had forgotten all about attendant and turned his head with dazzled expression.

"Dude, I didn't mean anything weird by saying that..."

Trying to remember what attendant had said he answered something he thought was fine.

"No worries. Ugh... how long? Not really long -couple months, or so." Indeed he had started to do this type of thing from time to time, so now Magnus was able to say he had some muscles on himself, even thought he was not clumsy before, but he knew he looked different. Now he didn't question why shadowhunters trained so much not just because to be always in shape, but also it did take mind of certain things for a little while.

"But seriously I was watching you attack those machines, you were like possessed or something."

Magnus grinned. "No, that's everyone else, you know the ones I don't get to in time." Then draped towel on his shoulder and walked away to take a shower while leaving bewildered assistant staring after him.

After while he came back to hotel and sank back against the sofa, while staring at the ceiling. After while sleep took him away, but even in his dreams thoughts about Alec and Gideon this time didn't let him go...