A/N: This chapter starts with a flashback. It's been awhile and I'm a little rusty so go easy on me in the reviews. For those of you that are wondering, I've been hitting my textbooks for the last few months but it was worth it as I'm finally graduating with my masters this week.

I do not own Fairy Tail

Chapter Nineteen - Baggage

"Gray, it's time to go!"

I stopped running at the sound of my name and yelled, "I'm going home now," at my friends retreating backs.

"Bye Gray, see you tomorrow," they chorused back at me, never pausing in their game of tag.

I waved and dashed to the edge of the playground where my parents stood waiting for me. Mom knelt and pulled me into a tight hug, "I missed you so much today Gray."

I'd missed her too and snuggled deeper into her arms. A large hand ruffled my hair and I looked up into my Dad's smiling face, "So son, how was your first day of big school?"

I squirmed out of Mom's arms to bounce excitedly, "It was so cool!"

They both smiled and extended their hands to me. My small hands fit easily in theirs and we started on our walk for home. I immediately began a detailed retelling of everything that'd happened to me today. We were only a street away from home when I finally paused to take a breath.

"And you thought he wouldn't make any friends," Dad said while I gulped for air and Mom laughed.

"I shouldn't have worried. It sounds like you had a great day, Gray. Was there anything about first grade that you didn't like?"

I wrinkled my nose, "I have to hold hands with a girl when we walk down the halls."

"What's wrong with that? You're holding hands with me." Her fingers wiggled then squeezed gently over mine.

"Girls are icky. And you're not a girl. You're a mom."

They both laughed but I didn't see what was funny. I pulled a face, "Sensei says this girl is my partner for the whole year. It's awful!"

Dad reached down and tickled me, "Your face will get stuck that way." I laughed then whooped as he swept me up to sit on his shoulders. He steadied me with one hand and wrapped the other around Mom's waist, drawing her closer to us. "You won't always think that about girls."

"Uh huh," I said with certainty, "Girls only ever want to play house or dolls. They don't like frogs or mud or anything cool."

Dad chuckled, "I know what you mean Gray but trust me, girls learn to play plenty of better games when they're older."

"Silver! What are you saying to him?" I watched my mom pretend to elbow him. He doubled over like it'd really hurt and I squealed as I was sent tilting towards the ground in a rush. My fingers wove into his dark hair but I wasn't truly scared. We straightened up just as quickly and my head spun a little bit."Again!"

"Once was quite enough," Mom said with a stern look. "One of these days, you're going to drop him and I'll never forgive you."

"I won't," Dad said at the exact same time that I said, "Dad won't." My dad could do anything. I stretched my arms above my head to steal a leaf off a low hanging branch as we turned the corner onto our street. I folded it in two and blew but I still couldn't make it whistle like Dad could. I pouted and let it drop. It swirled down and caught in Mom's hair. She tugged it free, "I'm outnumbered by you boys. I'm sure the trees are quite safe from the girl you have as a partner."

I shrugged, "Don't be silly, Mom. There's no trees in the school hallway!" I thought for a minute then added, "If you want a girl to walk home with we can get one."

Mom stopped so suddenly that Dad and I were several paces ahead of her before we came to a halt. "Would you like a little sister Gray?"

"No. Girls are lame. But if you want one, I won't be mad."

For some reason Mom looked like she wanted to cry and I thought it must be what I'd said so I quickly added, "I'll hold her hand even if she is a crybaby." I wouldn't want to but I didn't like my Mom crying.

"Oh Gray," she murmured and dashed a tear away with the back of her hand.

I frowned. I guess holding hands wasn't enough. "Don't be sad. I'll show her the worms in the garden and how to play hide 'n' seek so Dad never finds us and important stuff like licking an Oreo before you eat it. Maybe she won't be lame."

Dad squeezed my leg, "That's enough Gray. I'm going to put you down for a minute okay?"

Back on my own two feet, I felt so much smaller. My fingers tangled uselessly in the straps of my backpack as my parents hugged. I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd said something very wrong but I couldn't figure out what. Dad's voice was an indistinct rumble as he murmured to Mom then he stepped back and waved me over, "I think your mother would love a hug, Gray."

Wrapped in her arms, she squeezed me tightly and kissed my cheek, "You're so precious to me. Do you know that Gray? We waited so long for you and you're everything we ever dreamed of."

I hugged her back, quietly glad that her tears had stopped.

"Can I carry you home Gray?"

I had way too much energy left over from school but I nodded anyway and clung to her when she lifted me off the ground.

"Maybe one day you can have a little sister."

"Mika," Dad said in the same voice he used when I didn't pack my toys away properly.

"I know what you're going to say but I also know what the doctors said about Gray. Look," She twisted sideways and brushed my hair back off my forehead as if showing me off, "Does he look anything but perfectly healthy to you?"

Dad only sighed but as he walked away I heard him say, "It's not his health I'm worried about."

Mom and I trailed slowly after him. "I love you, Gray. Very, very much."

"I love you too Mommy."

I clenched my jaw and used the resulting surge of pain to force the memory down. Damn Gajeel had set off an avalanche inside my brain with his stupid comments. My parents weren't his, or anybody else's, business and I sure as hell didn't appreciate having them shoved in my face. Telling myself that didn't stop the memory from rolling on inside my head.

"I'd do anything for you, my precious boy."

God damn it! I didn't want her words in my head. I didn't want to think about my mother at all. I sat up in a rush and barely resisted throwing the ice I'd been holding against the wall. Instead, I flexed my fingers, the bruises on my knuckles letting themselves be known with a fresh achy sensation. That bastard Gajeel really screwed me over. Still, I could no longer stay here. The house was too quiet and my brain was all too eager to fill the empty space with unwelcome memories.

I was remembering, with startling clarity, exactly what it felt like to love someone and be loved in return. Contrary to what some might think, that was not a good feeling for me. In fact, I felt slightly nauseous. Yet, I couldn't switch the thoughts off. What I needed was a distraction and there was one activity that always negated any complicated bullshit I might have going on.

Skimming through the numbers and names in my phone, I discounted girl after girl until there were no options left. None of them appealed to me. Why? Gajeel's dumb remark about my parent's being proud. I couldn't resist the impulse this time and my phone sailed across the room. Unfortunately my aim was way off and the phone smashed into a photo hanging on the opposite wall. The glass smashed and the entire frame fell to the ground with a hollow thump.

Great. That made two broken picture frames in barely as many days. At least the first one hadn't been completely my fault. I hoped. I added tracking down Katja to my list of things to do. In all the chaos of this weekend I'd almost forgotten about the way she freaked out at the sight of me on Friday. God, was that only two days ago? It felt like years.

I eased off the bed, ignoring the way my abs protested at every little movement. I couldn't leave broken glass all over my bedroom floor. Grace would get that worried look on her face and before I knew it her and Julian would be dishing out thinly veiled hints over the dinner table that they'd like me to 'talk to someone'. I'd disabused them of that idea very early on when I'd first come to live with them. No need to give them any reason to think I needed some shrink digging around in my head. Well, not any more reasons.

They'd been the foster parents I was sent to straight after Ul's death. I'd given them a hundred and one reasons to think I needed a therapist or better yet to think I wasn't worth the trouble and send me packing. I guess all the foster kids they'd looked after before me had taught them a trick or two about coping with a moody teenager. Of course, Grace and Julian had done so much better than merely coped. With them I'd found the patience and kindness I hadn't even known I needed. They seemed to get what I was dealing with and instinctively knew not to push too hard. So it'd been subtle. The slow shift of their lives until I fit with them like I'd always been there. I'd barely noticed it myself until that fateful morning when they asked if I minded being adopted.

I may have been fourteen at the time but I wasn't a complete idiot. I knew the odds of being adopted at my age were practically zero. Hadn't even imagined it would happen. I hadn't been overjoyed when they asked but I wasn't horrified either. My reaction had surprised me. After Ul, well the thought of a new family didn't appeal to me. Still, I didn't flat out refuse them and if anyone had asked I couldn't have explained why. Now that I was older, I had a better idea why but that was just another thing I hated thinking of.

I crouched down by the shards of glass and couldn't deny that my list of untouchable subjects got longer every year. At least Gajeel hadn't been able to take a stab at that one. I picked up the largest fragment of glass. Between my fingers it felt so durable yet the evidence of its frailty was all over the carpet. So like life. Seemingly unbreakable yet fractured in a single moment of infinitesimal time. I sighed, carefully gathered up the remaining shards and dumped them in the bin. Only then did I pick up the frame and have a look at the picture.

The first thing I noticed was Erza. She was front and centre of the photo, looking completely annoyed. I couldn't help but laugh. We'd been at her favourite bakery and everyone knew you did not mess with Erza and her strawberry cake. So there she was, fork poised expectantly over the plate with a look on her face that said 'You can't be serious. How dare you interrupt me for a stupid photo'. Classic Erza. She was one in a million for sure.

Jellal was on Erza's left, like always. I'm pretty sure he was the one who'd convinced her to look up for the photo. No one else would have been brave enough, or stupid enough, to try getting her attention away from her beloved treat. Of course, he was also the only person who would have gotten away with it too. Next to Jellal was Natsu, then Lucy and finally me to fill up that half of the booth.

Lucy was radiant. In this captured moment her personality still managed to spill off the page. She wasn't camera shy or self-conscious. Her outgoing personality was right there for everyone to see. I remember Lucy had flirted outrageously with Natsu all afternoon. He'd been completely oblivious and I'd gotten such a kick out of replying to the suggestive comments she directed at him. Lucy hadn't been annoyed like some girls might have been. She played along and I'd known right then that she was an awesome girl. Not interested in me but good fun all the same.

To the right of Erza was an obvious empty space. Cana had climbed over to the next booth along so she could take the photo. I think the manager had been less than impressed with her feet on the upholstery but seeing as Erza's was undoubtedly their best customer they cut all of us some slack as her friends.

Next up was Levy, looking an interesting mix of embarrassed and affronted. The reason was obvious. Gajeel was next to her, taking up more than his fair share of the booth, with his arms stretched out along the top of the seats for good measure. It meant his right arm hovered a few scant inches above Levy's shoulders. A fact she was all too aware of judging by her flushed face. If asked on that day Levy could have given a list of Gajeel's faults as long as the arm that almost embraced her. Funny how things changed. Back then Gajeel and Levy had wavered on the thin line between love and hate with amusing results. Watching them rub each other the wrong way had provided plenty of laughs. Somehow they had ended up together without anyone really noticing. One moment they were fri-enemies, the next their relationship was a solid thing.

But really, I didn't want to see any more of that bastard today. My eyes came to rest on the person who completed the table. My current source of aggravation and stress. Juvia. I'd never noticed before, but there was something off about her in this photo. I leaned closer, frowning, while I tried to put a name to what was wrong. The photo had been taken right at the beginning of the school year, prior to any craziness kicking off between Juvia and I. In fact, we hadn't known each other at all. Erza had suggested a group outing so Juvia, Gajeel and Lucy could get to know the rest of us better. I suppose at this point Juvia was probably nursing her crush on me but she hadn't actually said anything to me since that first meeting in the hallway. I was still running on the misguided opinion that she was outrageously quiet and not my type. Not my type...

My eyes flickered from Juvia to Lucy and back again. That was it. Lucy pretty much summed up exactly what kind of girl I usually went for. Bubbly, confident, always up for fun, flirting and other activities beginning with 'f'. No shade on Lucy but she was the kind of girl that gave guys the idea they had a more than halfway chance of talking their way into her bedroom. She wasn't really that easy, she just had that 'I'll try anything once' vibe that tempted you to use a few sweet lines on her. Juvia on the other hand, looked like someone had forced her to that bakery at gunpoint.

Okay, maybe that was a slight over-exaggeration. Still there was no denying that the tiny smile on Juvia's face looked forced. It wasn't simply the case that she was not having a good time. She looked like her face muscles didn't know how to pull off a real smile so had settled on a close approximation instead. Weird. I'd seen a real Juvia smile. A few days ago I would have denied it but truthfully, Juvia could light up a room. She really was that pretty. You wouldn't believe it looking at this photo. It wasn't that she was "the new girl" and felt a little awkward. The girl in this photo probably didn't understand the concept of fun. That was not the Juvia I knew. This girl was reserved which wasn't a term I'd associate with Juvia as she was now.

But 'reserved' was exactly the kind of word for a girl used to keeping a low profile. The kind of girl that went to a school where it didn't pay to draw attention to yourself. I groaned and slide my way down the wall. Oak Town High. Everything came back to that. Where else would Juvia meet a creep capable of spiking her drink? I wish I'd paid more attention to her on Saturday night.

I toyed with my phone and tried to puzzle out everything I'd learned between that fateful night and now. Juvia obviously had a past that I knew nothing about. One where she'd learned some pretty kickass moves and built an ironclad friendship with Gajeel. The whole 'us against the world' attitude they'd been rocking this weekend wasn't something you formed overnight. I scowled remembering Gajeel throwing it in my face that I was definitely an outsider when it came to dealing with Juvia's problems. And maybe he had a point. Because while the details were sketchy I didn't doubt that Gajeel had beaten the crap out of the guy who drugged Juvia. That didn't mean I was satisfied. How did Juvia and Gajeel know that guy? And if Gajeel knew who it was, why the hell had he taken Juvia along with him? I felt another flash of anger at him for putting Juvia in that situation. It was so dangerous and completely unnecessary.

I realized then that I didn't know the girl I'd been with this weekend anymore than I recognised the girl in this photo. So much of Juvia life was blank space to me. By my own choice. What was real and what was nothing more than a carefully constructed façade?

Before I could even begin sorting that out there was still the fact that I hadn't managed to talk to Juvia yet today and find out if she was okay. Without thought I pulled up her contact details. I could call her. I could ring her right now and find out the truth from her own mouth. But would she even tell me? I scowled remembering how determined Juvia was to make sure I didn't find out too much. She wouldn't tell me shit. I'd be left feeling like an idiot, searching for answers she was reluctant to give. Kept on the other side of her elaborate masquerade. Now wasn't that annoying as hell. I glared down at her number. I didn't like Juvia making me feel this way. This, right here, was another reason why I didn't get involved with girls. They were way too much trouble. Why couldn't life be simpler?

I let my phone drop only for it to immediately start vibrating. A number I didn't recognise flashed on the screen. Not that unusual considering the number of girls I swapped details with. Maybe this would be the perfect distraction.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Gray?"

"Depends who's asking."

The girl laughed, soft and sweet. I gave her bonus points right then for not starting any inane giggling.

"Well, if this is Gray, I was wondering if you'd like to come over and chill? I know girls don't usually do this but I feel like our conversation at Risley's party needs further exploration."

I had no idea who this girl was so thank Mavis for her dropping that little hint. Even with that my mind instantly threw up an image of Juvia's legs in that amazing blue dress. Damn it. All the more reason for me to accept this offer. I desperately need to get over my hang up on the going-ons in Juvia's life.

"Well what do you know, this is Gray and I might have some time for a little conversation."

I lay in Gajeel's bed and squeezed one of his pillows to my chest. In the darkness there was nothing for me to do but imagine all the different ways my looming conversation with Gajeel could end. If he even wanted to talk to me. As things stood between us, that was a pretty big if. My stomach rolled at the thought, anxiety like bitter liquorice coating my mouth. I hated being at odds with Gajeel-kun. We were so much more than best friends. He was the one source of strength I could rely on whenever my life was on the verge on imploding. It was an undeniable truth that the demons haunting my sixteen year old self had only been subdued with Gajeel's help. A fact that was too easy to forget now that our lives were so different. I groaned into the pillow. When had everything become so messed up?

A sliver of light sliced across the bed as the door opened and I instinctively rolled away. My eyes were still sensitive. At least my headache had faded a bit. I was lucky to be the sort of person who bounced back from injuries fairly quickly. "Levy?"

"Nah. It's me."

Gajeel. My heart froze then exploded into action, pulsing with all my worries and fears. The total breakdown of my body into irrational immobility was complete as my mouth refused to form any of words I'd hoped to say. Into the growing silence the door clicked shut. The time was here, the moment now, yet I couldn't do anything.

"Where did Levy go?"

I swallowed around the lump in my throat and sat up slowly. "Levy-san went to get Juvia some dry clothes."

More silence. Somehow the absence of sound always managed to seem so loud. Everything left unspoken giving weight to the quiet until it felt like suffocation in this noiseless place was a real possibility.

"Look Juvia about what I said before," Gajeel's voice reached out across the void between us, his tone flat, and I knew right then that I had to take control of this conversation. Say the right things. The hard things that needed to be said to clear the air. This whole thing was on me, not him. Gajeel would brush it all under the carpet to keep the peace between us but it would fester there, unspoken. I couldn't let this poison everything between us.

"Gajeel-kun, Juvia is-" I started to say but Gajeel was on a roll.

"I shouldn't have said anything. Let's just forget it, alright?"

"No."

"No?"

"Let's not forget it."

Another silence then a heavy sigh. The bed sank as Gajeel sat down. I scooted over to him until we were side by side. For a second, we simply sat there in the darkness then I steeled my resolve and leaned into him. My head came to rest on his shoulder. Solid. Unmoveable. Unforgiving?

No, never that. It took a moment but I felt the tension drain out of my best friend. "Don't cuddle me," he grumbled yet didn't move away. He never did. I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of my lips. I wouldn't lose him.

"Gajeel-kun, Juvia is really sorry about this weekend. Juvia made a mistake and pulled Gajeel-kun into the mess." I swallowed hard, "And Juvia was very ungrateful for all that Gajeel-kun did. Thank you for taking care of Juvia."

Gajeel blew out a long breath, "Hell Juvia, don't thank me. You know I've always got you. No matter what."

"Juvia knows. That doesn't mean Juvia should take it for granted. Juvia did a little bit so Juvia wants Gajeel-kun to know… You're one of the few people Juvia truly loves."

Gajeel's flinch was small. A tiny motion I might have missed if I hadn't been leaning against him. He didn't always handle emotional stuff that well. I sure hoped he didn't tense up like that when Levy told him she loved him. Rushing on I added, "Juvia trusts and respects Gajeel-kun too. Juvia knows she made Gajeel-kun angry and Juvia promises that what happened this weekend won't happen again. Juvia will take better care of herself."

"Will you? What exactly do you think I'm mad about?"

My innate sense of self-preservation kicked in, warning bells ringing at the accusation so clear in Gajeel-kun's voice. Time to take the plunge. "Juvia and Gray-sama." Because that was the crux of it. It wasn't Vidaldus. Or the drugged drink. Or taking midnight rides back into our old haunting grounds. Or beating up a couple idiots to make a point. Or me getting a concussion and acting crazy. It was Gray. All about Gray. Because none of that other shit would have happened if not for the way I acted around Gray-sama.

"Juvia has been an idiot and made some mistakes this year."

Gajeel-kun snorted, "That's an understatement."

"Juvia knows that! It will be different from now on. Juvia and Gray-sama have a deal."

"I don't give a shit. All I care about is you." He got up and in the darkness I sensed, more than saw, him pacing. "Are you sure you want to do this now? Because I'm going to say some shit that I promise you will not like."

Great. What could he possibly have to say after already shredding my heart? Still, I knew we had to have this out. "Yes, Juvia wants to do this."

"I. Don't. Like. Him."

Well, tell me something new. "Juvia knows." I hesitated then added, "Gajeel-kun doesn't know the real Gray-sama."

"And you do?" He shot back. I barely held in a groan. He'd forgiven me, I knew he had, but I had to go and stir the pot again. Sunshine only after rain, I told myself. This rift between us would only heal after we'd settled everything.

"No, Juvia doesn't but Juvia really wants to. Juvia knows what Gajeel-kun must be thinking so Juvia wants Gajeel-kun to know that Gray-sama isn't a player. Not really." It sounded lame, even to my ears.

"Tell that to all the girls he's fucked. This deal you've got with him makes you next on his list. You think I care about that? Go ahead and screw his brains out if you want to. I ain't the moral police. I just hate the way you are around him. Like a goddamn kicked puppy."

I recoiled at that. I knew I'd been foolish but that comparison was out of order. My blood heated and suddenly reconciling with Gajeel-kun wasn't such a priority. I sucked in a deep breath and fought the urge to snap back at him. "Juvia does not act like that."

"You shouldn't, that doesn't mean you don't." There was a raspy noise and I flinched away from the afternoon sunlight that crept through the curtain Gajeel tugged open. "Sorry. I feel like a goddamn fool having this conversation in the dark with you."

Gajeel-kun tugged on my elbow, drawing me off the bed and into the chair at his desk. With my back to the window the pain wasn't quite so bad. Still I had to blink a few times before Gajeel-kun came into focus. One look at his face and at once the sunlight didn't seem like such a big deal. "Who hit Gajeel-kun?" I demanded.

"What? I don't know who they were, Juvia. They were weaklings."

"Not last night! Just now." I jumped out of the chair and caught his face in my hands. "This one is new." I ran my fingers over the emerging bruise. It definitely hadn't been there before. Sometime in the last hour someone had introduced their fist into Gajeel's face. I seriously doubted he'd dropped by the dojo for an impromptu sparring session which left only one other obvious conclusion. "Who did it?"

"What the hell Juvia?" Gajeel-kun grabbed my wrists and pushed my hands down. "It's nothing compared to last night. Or at least a dozen other nights I can think of."

"It matters to Juvia."

"Why?"

My hands curled into fists, "Because Gajeel-kun's fights are Juvia's too."

One eyebrow arched, "And if I told you who it was?"

Maybe it was the recent backslide into our old lifestyle but I had no problem drawing on the strength of Ame onna now. "Juvia would make sure they never did it again."

Gajeel-kun blinked at me then burst out laughing.

"Juvia would!" I insisted, infuriated by his reaction.

He kept right on laughing. I couldn't see what was so damn hilarious. I glared at him until he finally stopped although the stupid grin on his face didn't fade. "There she is," he said.

"Who?"

"My Juvia. So brave and strong. I haven't seen her in awhile. You think she could stick around for a bit?"

I flushed at Gajeel-kun's offhanded compliment and didn't resist him when he guided me back into the chair. "Gajeel-kun saw that last night."

He shook his head and crouched down before me. It was weird since I was so use to always looking up at him. I didn't have a chance to over think it because the grin slipped off Gajeel-kun's face. "Can I be real with you for a minute Juvia? I feel like we're going to be arguing in circles unless I say this."

I swallowed hard. I knew that serious look. Gajeel-kun was going to bring up that. My immediate reaction was to shut him up. No good could come of bringing up ancient history. If Gray-sama throwing Bora's name around in a off-handed way was bad enough then talking about it with Gajeel-kun who actually knew all the gritty details would be nothing short of hell. I wanted to laugh it off, to tell him not to be so serious but the sudden lump in my throat meant all I could do was nod.

"I can teach anyone to throw a decent punch," his thumb skimmed over my bruised knuckles, "Although you've become pretty damn good at it. What I can't teach is self-respect. That comes from knowing your own value. Which after everything you've overcome I thought you knew. But damn it all Juvia, watching you with Gray makes me want to put a bullet through my brain."

Ouch. It wasn't what I'd been dreading he'd say, still it was pretty bad. I was in half a mind to deny it but a part of me knew it was true. I could recall a least half a dozen times I'd done truly outlandish things in my pursuit of Gray-sama. "Juvia is changing."

Gajeel-kun scrutinised my face. "I believe you."

My breath of relief came too early when he continued, "What I doubt is Gray doing the same. Ever."

I bit my lip, "Things will be different. Juvia knows it." I at least hoped they would be. If things didn't change I had no idea where Gray-sama and I could go from here.

"I don't understand why you want to get tangled up with a guy with so much... What do you girls call it?"

I knew the word alright, "Baggage."

Gajeel-kun snapped his fingers, "That's it. Juvia, you know better than anyone that some shit needs to be dealt with before you can move on with life."

He hesitated and I knew what was coming next. Don't say it, please don't say it…

"I never worried about you. I knew you were strong the moment we met. What happened with Bora… You didn't let it crush you. I watched you deal with it. Your way. Long before you became one of the Element Four I thought, 'This girl won't take shit from anybody ever again'. And that had nothing to do with the moves you were learning." Gajeel scrubbed one hand over his eyes and rubbed at his temple. My own eyes were burning and not because of the light. I breathed slow and deep, determined not to cry again today.

"I didn't say anything when you were screwing around with Totomaru. It's not like you had that many options with half the gang terrified of you and the other half wanting to beat the crap out of you and take your spot. But after this year, with Gray, I'm starting to think you choose these kind of men on purpose."

There was another hesitation where I was obviously expected to say something but what could I say? It was completely bizarre for Gajeel-kun to put Totomaru and Gray-sama in the same category. My feelings for them couldn't be any more different. More than that, they as people were virtual opposites. Plus, I hadn't precisely chosen them. Meeting Gray-sama had been an accident of fate and I'd resisted Totomaru like my life depended on it before he finally wore me down.

"I mean there's so many decent guys at our school. Like Jellal-"

"Jellal-san loves Erza-san," I interjected, more out of habit than anything else. Was Gajeel-kun really suggesting I should have gone after Jellal?

"Everybody knows that. I said like Jellal. Hell Juvia, half our classmates at school are missing a parent or two. Shit happens. People deal with it. I don't see anyone else but Gray determined to sleep with every girl in the district."

"That's not necessarily related to Gray-sama's parents."

Gajeel-kun gave me his best 'don't bullshit me' look. He made me feel like a kid caught with my hand in the cookie jar. "I really don't care what it is Juvia. He's not over it and he's not getting over it anytime soon. Not for you. Not for anyone. So tell me one more time, why on Earthland do you want to be involved with that guy?"

"Because Juvia loves him." That was my truth. My reality. "Gajeel-kun can understand that. Juvia can't help how Juvia feels."

"Maybe, maybe not," Gajeel said with a shrug. "You've got this habit of forming unhealthy relationships."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, "Gajeel-kun makes Juvia sound like an idiot."

"Not an idiot. I don't know. Levy and I were talking about this. Guys like Bora-"

"Gajeel-kun told Levy about that?" My heart skipped a beat but Gajeel's response to my interruption was to look affronted.

"Are you being deliberately obtuse? I wouldn't tell anybody that."

Obtuse. Gajeel-kun had most definitely been spending a lot of time with Levy. I bet half of Phantom Lord would need a dictionary to understand what he was asking. Not Totomaru though. He'd always been more intelligent than any street kid had the right to be. Then again he was nearly five years older than me so maybe it only seemed that way. The age gap didn't explain how he saw through every defence I'd thrown up. I hadn't told him and we never talked about it directly but I'd always sensed that somehow he knew exactly what had gone down between Bora and me. Totomaru understood me. Intuitively. No awkward confessions needed. Our relationship hadn't been unhealthy per se. Destined to fail, sure. That didn't mean we'd been bad for each other though. I somehow doubted Gajeel-kun would make that distinction.

Shit. My mind had wandered. I tuned back into Gajeel who was going on about women who date guys that hit them and some newspaper article Levy read about the psychology behind it. It took me a moment to realise he thought I had some of inferiority complex that made me want to be with bad guys. He couldn't be serious. "Is this a joke?"

A look of pure frustration flooded his face. "You're the one not taking this seriously. What am I supposed to think Juvia? First you date Totomaru. Half the time I thought you two would beat the living daylight out of each other. The other half, gods I don't even want to think about you got up to with that closet freak."

My mouth gaped open. The whole premise of a closet freak was that they looked innocent on the surface. Totomaru certainly did not fit that bill. Except for the freak bit of course.

"Then we move here and you 'fall in love' with a jerk who has more issues than either of us can shake a stick at. You know I don't interfere with your life. I never have. Now I'm thinking the stuff we did in Phantom Lord wasn't enough. I should have done more for you. Sometimes I wonder if all we've done all these years is stick a band-aid over the problem." There was an undercurrent to Gajeel-kun's tone, his body language. Something in all the years we'd been together that I had never picked up on.

Guilt.

I didn't have time to figure that out. Our eyes met and there was no way for me to look away. "Juvia, be honest, what happened with Bora, are you over it?"