Itachi Must Die!... A series of short stories involving swift, nonsensical demises for Uchiha Itachi under completely ridiculous and even retarded circumstances. Occasional Sasuke+Sakura.
---------- Omake 20: Intent To Kill ----------
Once again, Uchiha Itachi was facing off with his mighty determined younger brother... For the sake of saving time and effort on the author's part, suffice it to say that the stand-off was exactly like all of the other stand-offs... There was a lot of staring and standing.
Sasuke glared daggers through Itachi's head as Itachi stared back at him in what looked like mild disinterest cloaking a thin, very thin curtain of dread. He could not shake the feeling that something was horribly, terribly wrong this time.
Something was wrong every time.
Frowning a bit in distaste for the situation, Itachi wanted nothing more than to wrap up the little encounter quickly and easily. Sasuke reached back and grabbed the hilt of Kusanagi. Itachi drew a kunai quietly from his shuriken holster. Kisame scratched his head in earnest confusion.
The air was thick with malice. Sasuke drew in a breath as he focused his hatred and thoughts of vengeance all on the one whom he sought to kill -- every ounce of killing intention he had suppressed was all focused on but one man. His brother. An excellent Uchiha genius: Uchiha Itachi.
Harder Sasuke stared, but still he moved not. His eyebrows knitted together, but he did not allow his pent-up anger to overtake him. He endured and remained calm. This was the moment in time he had long since been waiting for.
And wait he did.
The silence drew out longer and longer, like a pencil being sharpened in reverse as its length grew enormously. The wind blew, the leaves ruffled, Kisame sneezed uncomfortably, and Sakura, Kakashi, and Naruto stood waiting in the background as well(they had appeared more than an hour earlier, but were surprised that nothing had happened yet; thus, Kakashi had resumed where he had left off in Icha Icha Tactics). While Itachi and Sasuke stared at each other, Suigetsu's nerves finally began to kick in as he and Juugo lay around already defeated by the one and only Hoshigaki Kisame(it had to be done). Meanwhile, Karin, who had been bitch-slapped to death by Sakura(damn, that felt good), lay slumped against a tree with very rosy colored hand imprints on her cheeks.
Needless to say, it was a long, long, very long day.
And an even longer hour.
Sasuke glared fiercer still and a bead of sweat finally appeared on Itachi's forehead. What were they waiting for? No one really knew -- including the two of them. Itachi began to feel a bit more nervous. Waves of killing intention were radiating from his brother like a sparkling energy aura; it was almost visibly whipping around him as though it might strike Itachi at any given moment...
It was terrifying.
Itachi swallowed. The air seemed to grow thicker as he suddenly felt as if he was burning up. He frowned deeply then, tightening his hold on his small but efficient ningu. And that's when it happened: Sasuke took a single, calculating step forward.
And Itachi took one step back.
The killing intention seemed to be growing like a large force field that threatened to consume the weasel named one. He frowned deeper as Sasuke approached closer. He could not run! He was not afraid! He was Uchiha Itachi!
And an imbecile Uchiha Itachi was.
He began to feel more apprehensive as his hand shook slightly. His head felt like it was growning in size, filled with what seemed to be hot air that threatened to literally lift him off of his feet if he were not careful.
The anxiety was clawing, scratching its way out. Itachi's head began to roar with a very severe headache. Suddenly he could hear nothing but loud pounding. Still, Sasuke just stared. Itachi thought he might go mad. This was impossible -- no one was even speaking. Or... perhaps that's what Sasuke was waiting on.
He would not fall prey to such deception!
The headache grew worse and worse, and the pounding ever louder.
Itachi gritted his teeth. His head felt like it would pop right off his shoulders and he would fall appart like a broken potato chip...
A loud thud echoed in the small forested area and all eyes were drawn to what would be a battle field(if there were only a battle). There Itachi lay on the ground, both hands clasping his chest.
Sasuke blinked once.
Sakura smiled slowly.
Naruto scratched his head.
Kisame started over to check on Itachi.
And Kakashi continued to read Icha Icha Tactics...
Itachi's eyes were comically exed out and his tongue was hanging out one side of his mouth -- yep, he was definitely dead. All the killing intention that had previously coated the area thickly like icing on a cake began to be scraped away as Kisame checked for a pulse... but found none.
The blue shark dude frowned deeply and was about to start blathering on about avenging his precious partner, but he did not receive the chance... for he had been struck from behind by a very well placed kunai that imbedded itself in the back of his skull.
Everyone turned abruptly to see Hyuuga Neji standing with his back to a tree. His hands were in his pockets and his eyes were carefully closed. He had been there, but it was impossible for him to have thrown it... His hands were in his pockets!
Tenten smiled and straightened her posture as she flashed a peace sign. "Bull's eye!" she stated, and several ninja who were present abruptly face-faulted.
A strange, strange ending to perhaps the silliest and least humorous omake that had ever been written...
Or was it?
-----
"Come on! Come on! Please, please, please! Pleeeeeeaaaaaase?"
Hanako extended her bottom lip as she tugged on Shugou's arm. He reached up and pushed up his shades to glance at her. Magically, the image zoomed out to reveal the two of them, Toramaru, and Saiko on a beach facing the lovely sea(girls and guys complete with bikinis and swim trunks, respectively). All but Hanako were laying in beach chairs. She was, of course, standing by Shugou and trying to get his attention.
Toramaru raised his own shades(which looked lovely with his mask, might I add). Blinking once, he could not resist(because I said he couldn't) and asked the question...
"Why are we here again?"
Shugou grabbed his umbrella drink and sipped it through the swirly straw. "Because we're on vacation."
Toramaru reached for his own umbrella drink. "Indeed."
Hanako frowned. "Shu.gou.-kun!" she said again, tugging on his arm rather violently. He breathed a low sigh as he pushed his shades back on and grabbed the surfboard laying nearby.
Vacation indeed.
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Owari: The End
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Note:
Yes yes, I know. It was the most pathetic one yet. Bare with me! I
have a massively severe case of writer's block(plus I've not come up
with many good ideas lately ;;)! I'll try to make the next omake
better... or funnier, at least. Disclaimer
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