'BYE, PRONGS!'

Sirius' words echoed around him as he was enveloped by the darkness. He closed his eyes, preparing for impact.

It didn't come.

He opened his eyes and flipped round so he was falling face down. He couldn't see the bottom of the chute.

'Well, this was anticlimactic.'

He continued plummeting for five more minutes, the end of the chute still nowhere in sight.

'Is this thing bottomless or something?!'

Two more minutes went by. Still nothing.

'Well, this is boring.' He folded his arms and started drumming his fingers impatiently. 'At this rate, I'm gonna die of old age before I reach the bottom.'

Three more minutes. Nothing.

'This is gonna be interesting to talk about back at school. "Hey, Sirius, what did you do over the Christmas Holidays?" "You know, the usual. Fell into a seemingly bottomless pit." People are gonna think I'm crazy! ... But I guess Moony has it worse. How's he gonna tell people he turned into a blueberry?'

Two more minutes. Nothing.

Sirius started singing quietly to himself to pass the time.

'I am not afraid to keep on livi- OH SHIT!'

He could see the bottom and he was plummeting towards it. FAST.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!'

THUD.

Sirius survived the fall, thanks to a pile of rubbish below him, which he faceplanted into. As he did, a sharp pain pierced through his left arm.

'Oh, shit!'

He rolled onto his back and saw that his left arm was bent in a very unusual direction.

'Fuck! Broken...' he looked up. 'DAMN YOU, SQUIRR- Huh?'

The hole of the chute was no longer above him. It was to his left. He was also getting strangely warm.

'What the...?'

That's when he realised that the pile of rubbish he was sat on was one of many piles on a conveyer.

A conveyer leading straight to the fiery hell of an incinerator.

'Holy... SHIT!'

Sirius rushed to his feet and, ignoring the searing pain in his arm, started running down the conveyer, away from the incinerator. Suddenly, he tripped on a stray piece of scrap metal and, once again, face planted into the rubbish. He stood back up and continued to sprint before tripping up again.

He stole a glance behind him to see he had failed in getting away from the incinerator. He had been dragged back extremely close to its fiery depths.

He shifted, preparing to get back up and run again, when a jagged pain entered his leg. Alas, a shard of glass had impaled itself in it.

'Shit!' he winced, attempting to stand, only to collapse again. He so desperately wanted to yank the shard out and ease the pain, but he knew better. That glass was the only thing keeping the blood inside his body. If he took it out, there's a chance he'd pass out from blood loss and end up crispy and aromatic.

Hold on... Does Wonka want to EAT US?! I mean, I'd be a fried main course after this, Peter a chocolatey dessert and Remus is filled with blueberry juice, aka. a perfect accompaniment drink! And maybe James will become the starter! IS THAT WONKA'S GRAND MASTER PLAN?!

...Shut up, Brain, stop thinking of crazy conspiracies. We can focus on those later. For now, WE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Once again, he clambered to his feet and started limping up the conveyer. As he did so, he began searching around him, trying to find a door or window, just anything that could get him out of there.

Finally, thank Merlin, he saw it. A door!

He started limping faster and went up to it. He grabbed the handle and toggled it.

Nothing. It was locked.

'Oh Rowling... I'm fucked!'

He turned back to the incinerator. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let the conveyer drag him towards those fires of hell.

...

Until everything stopped.

The conveyer shut off, the flames were put out and the sound of grinding gears that had been surrounding him silenced.

Sirius opened his eyes and looked around, confused. What happened?

There was a click followed by a creak as the door unlocked and opened. An Oompa Loompa leaned in and beckoned Sirius to follow him.

Sirius sighed with relief before following the small person. He was led down a corridor to a room with a sign that read:

THE HOSPITAL WING

The Oompa Loompa opened the door and Sirius stepped inside. Instantly, he was filled with relief at the sight of a familiar figure.

'Wormtail! You're alive! Thank Merlin!'

'Padfoot! Oh my Rowling, what happened to you?' Peter asked. 'Your arm! And leg! And... why do you smell so bad? It's like something died!'

'I almost did! It was terrible! I was viciously attacked,' Sirius replied. 'Totally unfair fight. There were so many of them. They assaulted me and shoved me down a garbage chute. I almost burned alive in the incinerator!'

'Who attacked you?'

'... I'm not gonna say,' Sirius awkwardly avoided the subject, not wanting Peter, who he knew idolised him, to know he was taken down by a bunch of squirrels. 'Moony!'

He went over to the bed opposite Peter's, where a familiar blue figure was led. Remus was fast asleep, but he had damp violet tear tracks on his cheeks.

'I... don't actually know what happened to him. Two Oompa Loompas brought him in earlier, but he was unconscious. When he woke up, an Oompa Loompa said something to him about being blue forever. He started crying and couldn't stop. I tried to ask him what happened to him and if there was any way I could help, but he couldn't reply. He was too choked up on his tears. He ended up crying himself to sleep,' Peter explained.

'Poor Moony...' Sirius sighed. He felt a tug on his jeans leg and turned to see an Oompa Loompa with various medical supplies.

Guess I'm about to be fixed up.