A/N: This is a double update, so I got a few things to say; first off, sorry for the super long wait. I scrapped the entire second half of this update TWICE before I came up with something I liked. Second of all, part of the second half of this update is a lot more… risqué than a stuff I've written in the past. Part of why it took so long was because I didn't know whether to include most of it, because I didn't want to write something M-rated. Ultimately, I decided that if my descriptions were VAGUE enough, I could get away with it.

Third, yes, I did see the episodes that aired last month. I had guessed for a while that that's what the twist was, which is why Pink Diamond never showed up in the Hell chapter. Unfortunately, it is waaaaay too late in the story to properly address it, as I didn't pre-write any material based on my hunches because I didn't want to be wrong and have to scrap it all. Maybe next time. ;)

So, here's the first chapter, "Of Gay Fish and Gay Leprechauns". It's the lighter and softer of the two, and I got the idea to write it when a certain gay fish started mouthing off on Twitter. It's also partially a commentary on a certain SU-related fandom issue that I keep seeing online. (Seriously, you guys, chill the fuck out.)

Peridot sat in the Marsh family's bathtub, which was where she tended to hang out whenever she was feeling sad these days. She had a lot to be upset about. But I'm sure you knew that. She sighed, and rolled over onto her side. There wasn't even any water in the tub. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Peridot?" Randy said from the other side. "Can I come in?"

"Entré," the short Gem replied.

Randy opened the door. "Hey, uh, I know you're kind of having a moment, but, uh… have you seen Stan at all today?"

Peridot sat up. "He was at the team meeting in the community center today."

"But have you seen him since then?"

Peridot shook her head. "I haven't, no."

Randy frowned and furrowed his brow. "His friends haven't seen him, either…"

"I'm sure he's fine."

"Yeah, he… he was always pretty self-reliant…" Randy muttered. "I just… I get worried sometimes, you know? This world is dangerous, and he just… he runs headfirst into that danger."

"Sounds familiar…" Peridot muttered sadly.

The two were silent for a moment. Randy sighed and sat down on the toilet. "I'm really sorry about Lapis," he muttered.

"Why are you sorry? It's not like you're the one who murdered her."

"I should have stopped Pearl before this whole thing got out of hand."

Peridot scoffed. "I was there, too. So was Amethyst. We all had the chance to stop her. We all failed. It was a group failure. But WE are not to blame for what happened. That was all Garnet, Bismuth, and Pearl. Especially Pearl."

Randy raised an eyebrow. "Isn't Bismuth the one who shattered Lapis? Why is Pearl at the top of your shit list?"

"Because Pearl is the President," Peridot explained. "Therefore, SHE is to blame for absolutely everything that happens under her. Just as I was to blame for my underlings' failures on Homeworld."

"I thought you didn't have anybody under you on Homeworld."

Peridot glared at Randy. "Are you finished?"

"Look, I'm just saying, maybe directing all of your hatred towards Pearl is counterproductive," Randy excused, holding his hands up. "She's not herself right now. Something's seriously wrong."

"Look, I just… I really don't want to talk about this, okay?"

"Well then get out and do something!" Randy said, trying to motivate Peridot. "If you sit around and do nothing like a mopey sack of shit, then of course people are gonna ask what you're doing sitting around on your fat ass, you mopey sack of shit!"

"Fine! I'll get out and do something!" Peridot exclaimed, standing up and walking towards the door. "And I am NOT getting fat!" She slammed the door on her way out.

Now content, Randy smiled. "Finally, I can take a shit," he muttered as he pulled down his pants.

Peridot walked through South Park, which was changing a lot very quickly. The influx of Canadians in town that had been freed by the Crystal Renegades fueled economic growth, strangely enough, as several of the Canadians opened shops and ethnic Canadian restaurants in Shi Tpa Town. SHE didn't eat at any of the food, because food was gross, but everyone else in town seemed to like it.

Walking past Skeeter's Wine Bar, Peridot noticed a commotion going on out front. "Hey, hey, now I KNOW you all aren't going to just forget all the great shit Pearl's done for this country!" That struck a nerve, and Peridot turned to look for whoever just said that. Several citizens were standing in a crowd, evidently surrounding the person who said it.

"Are you kidding, she sucks!" Gerald Broflovski exclaimed. "This whole country started sucking the second she got in office!"

"Now y'all are just bein' unfair!"

Peridot pushed her way through the crowd. "Move it. Out of my way. Please get out of my way. Alright, who's the clod that's opening their mouth before they think?" Peridot glared at the man in front of him… but her glare was replaced with a confused look. This was no man at all.

This was a gay fish.

"You don't have to agree with Pearl, but the mob can't make me not love her!" the Gay Fish exclaimed. "We are both dragon energy. She is my sister."

Peridot blinked. "I'm sorry, can you speak English, please?"

"Man, y'all be hatin' on a motherfuckin' Gay Fish fo' speakin' the motherfuckin' truth, and the truth is that Obama was President for 8 years and he didn't do NOTHIN' for Chicago!"

Gerald rolled his eyes. "Pearl's not doing anything for Chicago, either! She thinks they're all murderers, rapists, and drug dealers!"

"That's right!" Thomas Tucker added. "That's because she is a RACIST!"

"Man how the FUCK she gonna be racist, she got black supporters too!" the Gay Fish yelled.

Peridot was simply confused. "Can somebody please explain to me what the hell's going on?"

"Ay, you got somethin' to say, Gay Leprechaun?" the Gay Fish asked Peridot.

"Well yes, actually, I do Mr. Gay Fish! Pearl is responsible for the death of someone very dear to me!"

The Gay Fish waved off Peridot's anger. "Man, Obama was goin' around bombin' children's hospitals and shit!"

"What does that have to do with anything?!"

Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny approached Peridot. "What's going on?" Kyle asked. He stared at the Gay Fish. "Oh, THAT."

"Do you know this clod?" Peridot asked.

"Yeah, this Gay Fish used to be a very famous rapper," Kyle explained. "But then he married a Hobbit and was cursed by Gandalf. Now, he's doomed to forever be a Gay Fish."

"He also likes fish sticks in his mouth," Cartman added.

"Alright, everybody check this out!" the Gay Fish exclaimed, pulling out a red baseball cap. "I got my hat autographed!" Upon closer inspection, one could see that the hat—which had a cute little design of Pearl's face on the front—was signed by Pearl herself. Pearl, of course, didn't quite grasp the very human concept of signatures, so her signature looked more like a seismograph reading.

Peridot glared once again at the Gay Fish. "I think you're deluded. Pearl is a monster."

"Don't try changing his mind, it'll just make him double down," Cartman warned.

"Now look here, Gay Leprechaun!" the Gay Fish began. "She's trying her best! It's a hard fuckin' job! And another thing—" suddenly, the Gay Fish's cellphone began to ring. "Hold up! Hold up, everyone, I gotta take this, it's my Hobbit wife."

Peridot raised an eyebrow. "Wait, you have a wife? I thought you were gay?"

"He's a Gay Fish," Kyle explained. "He's only gay for fish."

"That's idiotic."

Holding his phone in a flipper, the Gay Fish answered the phone call. "Hey, bitch, what's up? ...yeah? ...no, I'm just explaining to these guys— no, I— don't you think I know that? Bitch you know I'm not like that. ...oh! Oh, right, right, I forgot to tell them that part. Okay, okay, okay, right right right. Thank you honey, love you." He made two quick kissing noises into the phone before hanging up.

"That was my Hobbit wife!" he explained. "So my Hobbit wife just called, and she wants you to know— she wanted me to tell you all that… uhhh… oh! That I don't agree with everything Pearl does. I don't agree 100% with anyone but myself!"

Peridot rolled her eyes. "Ugh." She walked away, but the boys followed her.

"I hope you don't think this is over," Cartman said. "That Gay Fish is fuckin' crazy, bro."

"I don't really care."

"You don't understand, Peridot," Kyle warned. "You're on his shit list, now. He's not going to stop at anything to discredit you."

"Again, I don't really care," Peridot said. "He can discredit me. I don't care, he's already allied himself with Pearl, it's not like his opinion matters to me."

"He's got a lot of followers on Twitter," Cartman said. "His opinion matters to thirty million people. That's thirty million people who are going to hate you."

"You know what? Good. Thirty million people hated Lapis, but she was the best thing to happen to me."

Kyle blinked. "I think- I think that's an exaggeration."

"No, I'm serious. LOTS of people hated Lapis for like NO reason."

"Like who?"

"You know, you keep crying about Lapis, but she wasn't even right for you," a random bystander said. "She was, like, toxic and abusive, or whatever."

"She was NOT!" Peridot defended.

"Yeah, Amethyst is way better for you," a different bystander agreed. "Lapis was a piece of shit."

"Amethyst? Hell no," another bystander disagreed.

"Thank you!" Peridot said, satisfied that somebody was defending-

"Peridot CLEARLY belongs with Steven!" This sent the crowd in a frenzy.

Peridot glared at all of the bystanders.

Meanwhile, in Washington, D.C., the White House Correspondents Association was hosting a press dinner party, as it did every year. For the second year in a row, the President didn't attend despite it being customary for them to do so. Instead, President Pearl sent her Press Secretary to represent her. Several of Pearl's allies were also at the dinner, including Bismuth and Former Mayor Dewey—these people were all fuming, as the event's host, was saying some very not-nice things about them.

"So, I see in the audience, we have the Vice President and the Press Secretary," the comedian commented. "Hey, where's that girlfriend the President has from Ocean Town? Let's get her in here, too, they can all sit at the same table, since they all have to take up three seats." Several in the audience laughed uncomfortably. "Yeah? The President's a chubby chaser, that's the joke! She likes fat people!"

Bismuth glared at the comedian and leaned back in her seat. "You people put up with this?"

The Press Secretary nodded. "This administration is being very harshly bullied by the liberal elite."

"Hmm." Bismuth moved her glare to CLASSi, who was laughing hysterically.

"This shit is fuckin' funny!" CLASSi laughed.

"No it isn't, it's demeaning."

CLASSi waved it off. "Oh, psssh. The last President made fun of disabled people and said he was gonna fuck all the Mexicans to death. If the Republicans can't take what they dish out, maybe they should get the fuck out." Several high-ranking Republicans did just that as the comedian continued her routine.

Suddenly, the Gay Fish ran up on stage and snatched the microphone from her. "Hold up! Hold up, I'm gonna let you finish in a minute, but uh… if Pearl… if Pearl is such a bad President, then how come… how come she defeated ISIS? Oh! Oh, you didn't think of that, did you? You know, Obama was great and all, but I ain't got no love for Obama." His phone started to ring. "Hold up just a minute." The Gay Fish answered the call. "Hey bitch, what's goin' on? ...no, I just- ...no, no, bitch, they all know I don't- ...you think I should let them know? Alright, then. I'll- ...yeah, okay, got it, got it, love you." The Gay Fish made two kissing noises into the phone and hung up.

"That was my Hobbit wife just now," the Gay Fish explained. "And, uh, my Hobbit wife wants me to let you know, that uh, I DO got love for Obama. BUT, I ALSO got love for Pearl. I love everybody, man, let's get rid of all the hate in our community! We're making America great again up in here, man!"

Peridot walked past Tom's Rhinoplasty, where she managed to catch a glimpse of her reflection in the window. She frowned. Randy was right. She WAS putting on weight. She felt along her curves as she realized that her hip-waist ratio was definitely tighter than it was before, owing entirely to the increased size of her midsection. It was getting harder to tell where her bust ended and her waist began, and likewise with her hips. Nobody's going to draw creepy fan art of this body… she thought glumly to herself.

"What are you doing?" Cartman asked, startling Peridot.

"Eric! Where did you come from?"

"My mother says I was an angel sent from above."

Peridot rolled her eyes. "You know what I meant."

"You're just kind of standing there. Staring at the window. Anybody could sneak up on you."

Peridot frowned and looked back at her reflection. "I think I'm getting fat."

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "I thought you don't eat."

"I don't, but…" Peridot sighed. "Gems' bodies are just light holograms projected by our gemstones. Our appearance is susceptible to our own personal perceptions of ourselves."

"Oh, that's why you're shorter than a third grader sometimes and taller than Steven other times."

Peridot nodded. "Lapis made me feel so small and vulnerable. Because she made me feel like it was SAFE to be small and vulnerable. Consequently, I was considerably shorter whenever I was around her. But now that she's gone, I just… I feel like my life has no purpose. I feel like I'm… letting myself go."

"So you're not getting fat. You're getting big boned," Cartman pointed out. "Just like me. Everyone thinks I'm fat, but actually, I'm just big boned."

Peridot just stared blankly at Cartman. "Sure you are, Eric."

Suddenly, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters ran up to Cartman and Peridot. "Dude!" Kyle yelled. "You HAVE to come to City Hall, right now!"

Peridot raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Th-there's a shipping war!" Butters stammered out. "It's gettin' really bad!"

"Shipping war?"

Kyle turned around and motioned for the others to follow. "Your little outburst yesterday inspired change in the town. Everybody wants to change the name of the town, but they can't agree on what to change it to."

"What are the options?" Peridot asked.

The group arrived at City Hall, where the people of South Park were gathered and yelling at the mayor. "Rabble rabble rabble, rabble rabble-"

"People, people, please!" the mayor begged. "We need to handle this in a civil fashion! We're going to take a vote. All in favor of renaming the town 'Lapidot Park', raise your hands."

A third of the town raised their hands, while Peridot raised her eyebrows. "Lapidot Park…?" she muttered. "What the hell?"

Mayor McDaniels individually counted all of the hands. "Okay, put your hands down. All in favor of naming the town 'Amedot Park', raise your hands." Another third of the town raised their hands.

"What's going on?" Peridot asked the boys.

"A shipping war, we already told you, dumbass," Kyle replied.

"Okay, everyone in favor of naming the town 'Stevedot Park', raise your hands," the mayor commanded. She counted the hands. "Okay, some people are missing. Who didn't vote?"

Bob White raised his hand. "Once again, this town is ignoring the Whites!" he yelled. "How come Jaspis Park isn't an option? The system is rigged, I tell you, rigged!"

Randy rolled his eyes. "Bob, come on, Jaspis Park didn't even make it past the primaries."

"You know, if Jaspis Park was an option, and it wasn't screwed over by Lapidot Park during the primaries, it would have WON!" Bob yelled. The entire town groaned. "I'm just saying, I'm JUST. SAYING. I'm just saying. Jaspis would have won, you guys, that's all I'm saying."

"What's 'Jaspis'?" Peridot whispered to Butters.

"That's the ship between Lapis and Jasper!" Butters said, smiling. "I suggested that one!"

Peridot glared at Butters. "You don't even know what Jasper was like."

"Aw, you all say really mean things, but I bet she's a real softie deep down inside."

"Yeah, Peridot, I bet you're just jealous," Cartman added.

Peridot rolled her eyes. "First of all! Lapis is dead! So I don't even have anything to be jealous OF at this point! Second of all! Okay? Are you listening, obese human? Second of all! The PROPER Jasper ship is Jaspearl, because both of them are EVIL! Third of all, I don't CARE about your creepy obsession with wildly FICTIONAL pairings of me and my friends, because they're just that. FICTIONAL. And lastly… don't you think renaming the town for ANY of these pairings is a bit ridiculous?"

Kyle nodded. "Well, yeah, WE do, but nobody listens to us, we're kids."

The green gem groaned. She immediately regretted it, as it drew everyone's attention to her. "Why don't we ask her?" the mayor asked.

Peridot's eyes widened. "What?"

Stephen Stotch stepped forward. "Yeah! Why don't YOU tell us what we should rename South Park?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know…" Peridot said, scratching the back of her head. "I mean… do you really NEED to change the town's—"

"Yes." Randy said sharply.

Peridot coughed awkwardly. "Okay. Um… if I HAD to choose, I would choose, uh… Lapidot Park. Because I cared for Lapis. Dearly. And now that she's gone, I just… I don't know. Do we have to do this? This all seems unnecessary."

The crowd went fucking nuts. The Lapidot Park camp began to celebrate—the other sides weren't so happy.

"Oh, you're dead, bitch!" one man yelled. He led the other shippers to charge Peridot and the boys.

Peridot yelled. "Agh! Run!" She turned around and began to run away, with the boys following close behind. The angry mob chased the group through South Park. Suddenly, Kenny tripped. Peridot turned around and stared, eyes wide. "Kenny!"

"Go on without me!" Kenny yelled.

Peridot ran back to Kenny and picked him up off the ground before the crowd could stampede him. "I don't CARE if you can come back, I won't let Lapis's sacrifice go to waste!" Peridot continued to run, dragging Kenny behind her. Once she caught up with the group, they turned the corner—and ran into the Gay Fish.

"Hey, hold up, we got unfinished business!" the Gay Fish exclaimed.

Kyle screamed. "AHH! Run the other way!" The group turned around, but the crowd was in that direction. Peridot looked across the street, where the old ruins of SoDoSoPa were.

"In here!" Peridot led the group into the ruins and kicked open the doors to one of the abandoned buildings. Once Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters were inside, she shut the door, and leaned against the wall. She slid down onto her butt and started to cry. "I'm not built to handle this…" she muttered. Her tears stopped, however, as she heard somebody kick a can nearby. She glanced over at the boys.

"Th-that wasn't us!" Butters whispered. The others shook their heads as well.

Peridot stared out into the dark room. "Who's there?" she asked cautiously. Footsteps could be heard from within the darkness. Peridot stood up and took a defensive stance as a tall figure approached her.

"Hello, Peridot," the figure said. Garnet dramatically stepped out of the shadows. "It's been a while." Peridot immediately started screaming, and Garnet frowned. "Uh—no, no, don't—wait, listen—"

"Get away from me!" Peridot demanded as she backed up into the wall.

"Peridot, please, listen—" Garnet stared at the kids. "Children, please, I'm…" she stopped when she realized that Butters looked afraid of her. Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny were just glaring at her. Peridot stepped in front of the kids.

"Back off," Peridot commanded, her voice shaky. She was clearly scared too.

Garnet sighed, and put a hand to her face. "I have a lot of explaining to do, don't I?"

Kyle stepped forward. "Yeah! You do! What, are you here to finish off the Renegades?"

"I'm here to JOIN the Renegades," Garnet corrected.

"You aren't welcome," Peridot barked. "Leave."

"Please, just… allow me to explain myself, and my actions."

Peridot didn't stop glaring. "You have five minutes. This better be a REALLY good story."

The Gay Fish walked through South Park, looking for Peridot. "Hey, where'd you go?" he yelled between the houses. "Girl, we weren't done talking! I wanted to talk about peace and love on the planet earth!" The Fish turned around to see that one of his friends, a blonde-haired man in an aquatic super suit, was nearby. "Seamen? What are you doing here?"

"That's SeaMAN," Seaman corrected. "I am one MAN. Not many MEN. SeaMAN. Not- not semen."

"Yeah, yeah, of course, man, how's it hangin'?"

Seaman sighed. "Mr. West, the Super Best Friends sent me. It's about your recent pro-Pearl crusade."

"Nah, nah, man, you're misunderstanding me!" the Gay Fish said. "It's not a pro-Pearl crusade, it is a pro-peace-and-love crusade! And Pearl just HAPPENS to be on the side of peace!"

"She's waging war with the Canadians, the British, and the French."

The Gay Fish waved a flipper. "Man, you're just too caught up in the details."

"Listen, the Super Best Friends appreciate the message of love and peace you're trying to send," Seaman began, "but… you're doing it like a psychotic asshole."

"...excuse me?"

"You're going around picking fights on TMZ and making a nuisance of yourself on Twitter," Seaman said. "You need to knock it off."

"Man, you're just a jelly hater!"

"This is purely damage control." Seaman turned around and put his hands behind his back. "The Super Best Friends are already dealing with some bad news. You see, prior to the creation of the Super Best Friends, one of our founding members, Rose Quartz, led a rebellion against Pink Diamond, an alien who was colonizing this planet thousands of years ago. Pink Diamond was supposedly shattered at the end of that war. Recently, however, we discovered that Rose Quartz didn't shatter Pink Diamond—she WAS Pink Diamond, and she faked her own death to start a new life on Earth."

Seaman turned back around. "As you might imagine, if this information were to get out, it would be quite problematic. Your stunts aren't helping. If people realized you were a member of the Super Best Friends, they might start asking questions about the reputation of our other members, Rose Quartz included."

The Gay Fish glared at Seaman. "So what you're saying is you're trying to save your own fuckin' skin."

"Well, honestly, it would benefit YOU if you just stopped talking," Seaman admitted. "You're really talented, and a lot of people like you. I'd hate to see you throw that away to support somebody like Pearl."

The angry mob from before arrived. "Did anybody see where Peridot went?" Stephen Stotch asked. "We're gonna kick her teeth in for supporting the wrong ship! Then, we're gonna cyberbully her until she quits Twitter, and maybe later we'll go cyberbully a young artist on Tumblr until she kills herself!"

Seaman raised an eyebrow. "Peridot? Are you guys talking about the little gay leprechaun I just saw run into SoDoSoPa?"

"That's her!" Stephen exclaimed. "Let's go get her!" The crowd rabbled their way into SoDoSoPa.

"So you see, Peridot," Garnet finished her story, "I never wanted for any of this to go this far. We never wanted it to go so far. This war was a mistake. I see that now. But Pearl and Bismuth haven't had their eyes opened to that yet. So please… I want to help you end this."

Peridot's glare didn't let up. "You didn't say a word about Lapis."

Garnet frowned. "...I…"

"I will never forget, or forgive, what happened to her," Peridot said in a low voice. "You knew what could have happened and you did nothing to stop it. The way I see it, you're just as guilty as Pearl and Bismuth are. So don't give me that 'I should have known better' bullshit. You DID know better. You just didn't care."

"That's… fair." Garnet and Peridot stared at each other for a tense moment.

"I promised myself I would kill you, Pearl, and Bismuth if I ever saw you again," Peridot muttered.

Garnet nodded, and held out her hands. Her two Gemstones—Ruby and Sapphire—were out in the open, totally vulnerable. "If that is what you must do, I won't protest. I only ask that you shatter both halves at the same time."

"Oh, hamburgers!" Butters exclaimed.

Peridot scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You're only offering up your life because your future vision is telling you that I've already decided that you're not worth the trouble."

Garnet frowned. "Okay, but… it's the thought that counts, right?"

"If you really plan to redeem yourself, just know that you can't, not in my eyes," Peridot warned. "If you want to get ANYWHERE close, you're going to have to try really, really hard."

"Like I said, I'm prepared to help in any way I can," Garnet replied, nodding. "Let me begin by helping you out of your current predicament."

"My current predicament?" Peridot asked, slightly confused. She was startled by a loud banging on the door behind her.

"Peridot, are you in there?!" Stephen Stotch said on the other side. "We're here to teach you a lesson for trying to take control of your own life!"

"Oh, right," Peridot said with a dry laugh. "THAT predicament."

Peridot stepped out of the building, with Garnet and the boys following close behind her. An angry mob, led by Butters' dad, stood in front of her, pitchforks and tiki torches already raised. She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "A little overkill, don't you think?"

"Shipping is VERY serious business," Stephen disagreed. He glanced at his son. "Butters, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ground you for supporting the wrong ship."

Butters frowned. "Aw, h-hamburgers…"

"Look, what do you want from me?" Peridot asked. "I'm not going to indulge in your fantasies if it's not what I want."

"Allow me," Garnet said, stepping in front of Peridot. "People of South Park! I have a suggestion that may solve all of your problems!"

"Aren't you one of the Crystal Gems?" Gerald Broflovski asked. "Why should we listen to you? Your stupid war with the Canadians is the REASON our lives suck right now!"

Ike, who was standing next to his parents, glared at Garnet. "Seven foot tall, Minecraft hair piece of shit!" he exclaimed.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Ike, come on, knock it off."

"No, they have every right to be upset with me, just as Peridot does and just as you boys do," Garnet lamented. "But I'm here to make it up to you! You guys are so busy dividing yourselves over silly things like this… but this country's already divided enough. Can you really afford to divide yourselves more?"

"Yes," Stephen answered quickly.

Garnet stared blankly at the crowd. "Oh. ...well, that's all I've got."

"Seriously?" Peridot asked.

"Hey, hey, hold up!" the Gay Fish called out, pushing his way through the crowd. "Now what the fuck do y'all think you're doing? Why can't we all just love each other?"

"Move it, Gay Fish, aren't you just as pissed off at Peridot as we are?" Stephen asked.

"Hell yeah I'm pissed off at her!" the Gay Fish replied, placing a flipper on Peridot's shoulder. "But I still love her!"

"Oh my god, he's wet and slimy," Peridot said in disgust. "Have you ACTUALLY been swimming around in the ocean?"

"Look man, we all gotta be mad sometimes!" the Gay Fish continues. "But if we STAY MAD, all we doin' is hurtin' our community! That's WHY I'm standin' behind Pearl, and it's why I'll stand behind Peridot, too! I don't gotta agree with them to know that when THEY succeed, we ALL succeed.

"I know Pearl's waging an illegal war in the north! But unless we SHOW HER that love and compassion are king, she's just gonna keep doing it!" The Gay Fish glanced down at Peridot. "I hope the Crystal Renegades succeed in getting her to back down, so we can get back to what MATTERS; making our planet great."

Kyle smiled. "Yeah! Don't you guys see? If we don't get together as a community, all of our problems are just gonna get worse. Maybe, what we all need to do, is put our political differences aside, drop the shipping wars, and work TOGETHER to stop the war with the Canadians!"

The citizens of South Park didn't seem satisfied.

Garnet cleared her throat. "Ahem. If that doesn't convince you, I do have ONE more solution. Have you ever heard of… fanfiction?"

Stephen Stotch frowned. "What the hell is that?"

"You can write whatever you want about whatever or WHOEVER you want, publish it on the internet, and find like-minded fans who agree with whatever point you're trying to make," Garnet explained. "And if anybody tells you that you're wrong, you can just block them or disable the comments and create your own little echo chamber."

A random citizen smiled. "Hey… yeah, she's right! Who needs real life when we can escape into our fantasies?"

Stephen turned to the crowd. "Come on, everybody! Let's go write our own Stevedot stories!"

The crowd very quickly dispersed. Peridot wasn't pleased, however. "Well, that's disturbing. How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing people are writing fanfictions about me?" She, and the others, stayed silent for just a moment as they stared blankly at the building's across the street.

"Hey, you know, Peridot, I hope you know I ain't never gonna hold a grudge on you 'cause we got different opinions," the Gay Fish said finally. "I just want everybody to love each other and shit."

"I understand, Mr. Fish," Peridot sighed. "But I can't share your message of love when it comes to Pearl. She has to pay for what she and Bismuth have done."

Garnet shook her head. "About that… Peridot. There's something about Pearl that you don't know."

Peridot raised an eyebrow. "And that is…?"

"She's not herself. Something is very wrong with her, and just before I left the White House, I was able to figure out what."

Kyle tilted his head. "What is it?"

"Follow me," Garnet said, leading the way. "It's best I show you."

Randy approached the group. "Garnet? What are you doing here?"

"She's joining the good guys again!" Butters exclaimed. "I- I think she is, I mean…"

Randy shrugged. "Hey, you kids haven't seen Stan anywhere, have you?"

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "No, we haven't seen him or Steven all day."

"Damn it…" Randy muttered. "Where the hell is he?"

Garnet thought for a moment. Maybe if she looked into the branching paths of the future, she could find…

Her eyes widened. "Your son is in danger," Garnet said quietly.

"What?"

"I can see him, and he's somewhere unlike any place I've ever seen on Earth before!" Garnet said, alarmed. "All around him is fire, lava, and brimstone… where is he?!"

Kenny raised his eyebrows. No… it couldn't be…

"...I- I think I know where Stan is…" Kenny muttered. "A-and I don't think you guys are gonna like it…"

Kyle looked over at Kenny. "What are you talking about?"

Kenny glanced over at the nearby street. A car was approaching. "Sorry, guys!" he apologized. "I have to go take care of something." Kenny hurled himself in front of the car—but Peridot quickly pulled him back out of the street, and the car sped right past him.

"Yeah, no," she said. "I don't know what you think you're doing, but I already told you earlier we AREN'T doing this."

"No, you don't understand!" Kenny exclaimed. "I need to—"

"Come on, we have to go find Stanley!" Garnet interrupted. "Maybe he's—maybe he's stuck in a volcano or something!"

"Come on, Kenny, let's go," Peridot said as she began to drag Kenny behind her. "Let's go find Stan."

"You don't understand, you aren't GOING to find him!"

"Well, not with that attitude."

The group began to search for Stan, dragging a protesting Kenny with them.