Author's note: Thank you all for your lovely feedback. And thank you especially Cassandrala for suggesting that song, I love it, it's just perfect. I'll be out of town again over the weekend, but before I go here's another chapter - and a very long one! Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit or its characters.

Chapter XIX

Kíli lay on his back with his arms folded behind his head, looking at the Lonely Mountain looming up into the sky several miles away. They were taking one last rest before the final part of their journey, but he found that he was unable to sleep.

It felt strange to know that, in a couple of hours, he would set foot into Erebor once more, be surrounded by people whom he had not thought he would be seeing again anytime soon. It made him nervous not to know exactly what to expect upon his arrival. Would there still be a chance for his uncle? Or were they too late, was he too far gone already? And the others, would they shun him for his betrayal? Would they accept Tauriel's presence at his side?

He let his eyes drift up to the sky, looking at the stars above. He wished for Tauriel to lie next to him, to distract him from his thoughts and give him comfort. But she had wandered off on her own, suggesting that he and Fíli should get some sleep while kept an eye out for any kind of danger. Her intention had probably been to give them some space, room to talk and fix everything that had gone wrong between the two of them in those last few weeks. But there had not been much talking and a lot of awkward silence instead. It felt so strange to be with his brother again and under those circumstances. Good, but also very strange.

It had always just been the two of them, permanently together, sharing everything. But lately it seemed as if they had both begun to build a life independent of the other and it felt as if neither of them knew how to handle this. At least Kíli didn't. And then there was a third person now, Tauriel, making it impossible for Kíli to base all of his actions solely on his brother's well-being any more. He knew that Fíli did not feel any real hostility towards Tauriel, but he could also see that it would take him some time to really trust her, to figure out what role she played in all of this.

He gave a low sigh, a little sad that his and Tauriel's newly found intimate togetherness had been disrupted after such a short time. For a couple of days they had enjoyed complete freedom in their affection for each other and there had been no reason to hold back. Now they were always under observation by critical eyes once more, making it difficult to be as carefree and open with each other as they had begun to be. And since they were about to return to Erebor, it did not seem likely that this would change again anytime soon. But of course this had to be. Once again the fate of his kin had to take precedence over his own desires, he knew that.

Next to him, he heard his brother move. Looking over at Fíli, he found that he was awake, his head propped up on one of his hands, staring at him.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened after you went away?" Fíli asked when he saw that he now had his brother's attention.

Kíli looked back up at the sky, wondering how much he should tell Fíli, whether the whole truth might not estrange him from himself even further. "I did not simply run away, you know," he finally said.

"Then what would you call it?" his brother returned and Kíli tried not to let the coldness in his voice get to him.

"She needed my help," Kíli said. He looked over at his older brother again. "That is what I meant when I said that I had had no choice."

Fíli raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean she needed your help? I did not know that you had spoken to her after Laketown."

"I didn't. Legolas came back to Erebor and told me, asked for my help. I went to Mirkwood with him."

Fíli gave an incredulous laugh. "Are you serious? You and that Elf prince on the road together?"

Kíli could not suppress a little laugh of his own. "Yeah, I know right? It was not exactly the most comfortable journey, I can tell you that."

"I sure bet," Fíli replied. "What happened then?"

Kíli decided that it might be best to skip that whole part about waking Tauriel up, because it would stir up too many questions that he could not answer himself. "Legolas sneaked me into the Elven king's halls. I got to her and helped her handle that… situation she had found herself in." He looked over at his brother. "Then Legolas helped us escape. We have been traveling ever since."

"You sneaked into that palace right under Thranduil's nose and then back out again?" Kíli nodded and his brother grinned. "I bet he was furious."

"I don't know," Kíli replied. "But I hope I won't get a chance to find out any time soon. I am not the only one out of the two of us who got into trouble for… you know. How we feel about each other."

Fíli nodded thoughtfully and they both fell silent for a few moments. Then Fíli spoke up again. "But there is something you're not telling me, isn't there? Why didn't you have a choice but to go with Legolas? Couldn't he help her out? I mean, you must have known that you leaving would in all likelihood destroy your relationship with Thorin. Why were you prepared to take such drastic measures? And don't tell me you simply didn't think of this."

Damn. His brother simply knew him to well. "It was… it's just…" Kíli fumbled for words. What could he tell his brother to make him understand how those past few weeks had been for him and Tauriel, what they both had gone through, without going into detail about this strange matter of them sharing their dreams? "You have to understand that this thing with Tauriel and me, it is not just some kind of silly flirting, something that will pass," he finally said. Fíli looked at him intently. "We… there is something between us that ties us together and we cannot simply walk away from this. We won't. It would destroy us. I hope you will be able to understand this one day."

Fíli turned onto his back and gazed up at the sky. "It is not like I do not understand what you are going through at all. In fact I think I realized that this was not merely you acting a fool a while ago – I simply didn't want to see it for what it was. I just wish this wouldn't make everything so complicated. I wish it wouldn't stand between you and me."

Kíli smiled at his brother wistfully. "I am not going to argue that what you say isn't at least a little true. But don't you think that things might be the same if it was you that had attached himself to someone? Even if that someone wasn't an elf?

Fíli chewed on his lower lip. "I don't know. Maybe." Once again Kíli felt as if there was something else his brother was going to say, but didn't. Instead Fíli sighed. "Things have been changing so quickly lately."

"We have changed," Kíli said. "But you are still my brother. And even if my actions in the recent past have not made it look like it, I would do anything for you. And for Thorin aswell. You know that."

Fíli rolled onto his side again. The sun was beginning to come up and in its pale light Kíli could see a lingering sadness on his brother's face, but also the fierce love he himself felt for him being reflected in his eyes. "I know," Fíli said simply and they both lay there for a while looking at each other, both of them reminiscing the days when everything had been so simple, where the consequences of their decisions had not had not been nearly as far-reaching as they were today.

Kíli forced himself to look straight ahead as they entered the halls of his forefathers. He could feel many surprised stares and hear many a curious whisper. Both stares and whispers increased even further when Tauriel stepped through the gates behind him, looking about herself with fascination. Kíli's hands itched to reach for her, draw her to his side, but he knew better than to further increase the spectacle that they presented to the dwarven onlookers. There was no time now to deal with them or with the questions they surely would have. He had come to see Thorin and he would not stop for anything until he did.

As they made their way through the front hall, Kíli thought to himself that Erebor was truly becoming a place of the living once more, populated with his kinsmen. And kinswomen, he added to himself when he saw a group of young dwarf-women putting their heads together and whisper to one another, throwing curious and not only friendly glances in Tauriel's direction.

Fíli led them though the crowd unerringly and refused to stop even when someone called out to him. They left the front hall behind and advanced on the private quarters of the king. Here, where the corridors were not filled with dwarfs, Tauriel drew up to Kíli's side.

"This is magnificent," she whispered. "So different from what I imagined it to be like."

Kíli smiled at her almost youthful excitement. It was quite easy to forget that she had lived for more than half a millennium already and he loved how she could be so very passionate and enthusiastic about the world around her. But then again, by Elven standards she was rather young, wasn't she?

"Just a huge pile of stone, really," he returned, but secretly he was proud to hear her speak favorably of the place that had played such a big role for him throughout his whole life, had defined who he was without him ever having set foot in it until recently. And still it continued to shape his fate, drawing him close and pushing him away again alternately.

When Tauriel saw the smile on his face die, she reached out and briefly squeezed his hand. Fíli chose that moment to look over his shoulder and rolled his eyes when he saw this quick, intimate exchange between them. "Come on, we're almost there," he said. He looked at Tauriel and Kíli thought he was probably going to suggest that she would stay behind, but then Fíli shrugged in resignation and simply continued down the corridor.

Turning another corner, the three of them almost collided with a tall, grey figure that was pacing the hallway.

"Fíli!" Gandalf exclaimed. "It is good that you have returned. And I see that you were successful in you quest… oh." His eyes had fallen on Tauriel who had come to stand behind Kíli. Kíli had the strange instinct to shield her from the wizard, which was silly, really, because for one thing she was taller than he was and also he knew that Gandalf would probably be the person in Erebor least likely to wish to harm her. Gandalf looked from the young she-elf to Kíli, then back at her with raised eyebrows. "Interesting," he then muttered, but did not further elaborate. Instead he gestured for them to follow him. "Come on," he said.

Fíli fell into step beside him, while Kíli and Tauriel followed behind. Kíli looked at her questioningly, but she merely shrugged, obviously as puzzled by the wizard's behavior as he was.

"Has there been any change?" Fíli asked Gandalf as they approached.

"The good news is that your uncle's condition has not deteriorated," he replied. "But at the same time none of the cures we have tried so far are working. I am afraid we are running out of resources."

Kíli glanced at the wizard and thought to himself that he looked even older than usual, the lines on his face deep with worry. If Gandalf was at his wits end, then how were they supposed to figure out how to help Thorin?

"You say that you are running out of resources, but have you determined the source of his suffering yet?" Tauriel spoke up, a little shyly. Gandalf turned towards her and looked at her once more with curiosity written all over his face. They had come to a stop in front of the doors leading into the king's bedroom.

"You speak wisely," he said. "Indeed we have so far failed to determine what it is that has caused this condition. That is what makes it so hard to know where to begin, how to reach out to Thorin."

Tauriel looked down, blushing slightly at the wizard's praise. He frowned a little. "What is your name?"

"This is Tauriel," Kíli spoke up instead of her, still struggling with this strange instinct to protect her. "She comes from Mirkwood."

Gandalf looked at him and then back at Tauriel again. "Yes… yes, I remember you. You-"

They were interrupted by shouts coming through the closed doors of Thorin's bedroom. The four of them looked at each other in alarm before Gandalf pushed the doors open and hurried inside, Kíli, Tauriel and Fíli following close behind.

Kíli had to swallow against a lump forming in his throat at the sight that presented itself to them. Thorin lay on his bed, trashing about. He was restrained with ropes that had been tied around his arms and legs. Balin and Óin were holding him down, trying to calm him. Kíli briefly registered several other people in the room who were looking on with worry and sympathy – Bilbo was standing at the foot of Thorin's bed and looked like he was about to cry. Others were huddled in a corner, urgently discussing something in lowered voices. Kíli recognized Bofur among them as well as some other members of their company. There were also some dwarves whom Kíli did not know.

Several heads turned into their direction as they stepped into the room. Balin looked at Gandalf apologetically. "We had to tie him down. He seemed intent on hurting himself." His gaze fell onto Kíli and he narrowed his eyes. "You!" He straightened up, but Gandalf shot him a warning glance.

"This is not the time, Balin," he said and the old dwarf sank back down again, the anger on his face dying as quickly as it had flared up and he continued to look at his king with great sorrow in his eyes.

Cautiously Kíli approached the bed and kneeled down beside his uncle. Fíli imitated his movement while Tauriel and Gandalf stayed behind. Thorin's eyes were open, but unseeing, the pallor of his skin sickly. He seemed to have calmed down, but as Kíli looked on a low moan escaped from his uncle's lips, a moan of pain and… fear.

"Let go, let me go…" Thorin whispered, his face and expression of torture.

"Thorin?" Kíli spoke hoarsely.

"He can't hear you," Òin spoke up. "He never reacts to anything we say to him, merely keeps talking about things that make no sense, but that obviously cause him great pain."

Kíli chewed on his lower lip and looked down at his uncle, wondering if it had been him who had caused this disastrous situation, if it had been his actions that had driven Thorin over the edge. Guilt was eating away at his heart while at the same time he knew that would he face that same decision again, he would probably chose the same path. Being with Tauriel was not a mere choice, it was fate. If only that fate did not clash with everything else in his life, did not make everyone he knew unhappy.

Fíli clasped his hand around his brother's upper arm when he saw tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Don't beat yourself up over this, Kíli. It's not your fault."

"No, I don't think it is either, laddie," Balin spoke up quietly. "I do not support your conduct, but I believe this would have happened either way. This is something that is rooted much deeper."

Kíli looked up at the white-haired dwarf in surprise. Balin had been the last from whom he had expected sympathy, eternally loyal to Thorin as he was. Both Balin and Òin stepped away from the bed then to make room for Gandalf and Tauriel who had approached the bed in silence. Balin eyed Tauriel with suspicion while Óin beamed at her in open admiration.

"A shadow has taken hold of him," Tauriel said as she looked down at Thorin lying there on the bed. Everyone looked at her. "He has lost the light," she added.

Gandalf nodded and mumbled something to himself while Kíli looked back down at his uncle, taking in the way his eyes darted back and forth, seeing things none of them could see. He remembered how he had felt when his injury had been at its worst, when it had seemed to him as if he was being pulled into a dark abyss that was filled with bottomless despair and never-ending pain. It looked as if Thorin was experiencing something similar. If only they could help him find his way back to them, like Tauriel had helped him when he had been lost in darkness, had given him a light to follow… he paused at that thought and looked up at Tauriel. "Can't you help him?" he asked, hopeful. "The way you helped me."

She looked at him in surprise, but then pressed her lips together, frowning.

"You are a healer?" Gandalf asked her. "We have tried Elven healing before, but maybe there is something that you-"

"No," Tauriel interrupted him, shaking her head. "I am not a healer. I would not be able to help him."

"But you saved Kíli," Fíli jumped in. "I have seen it with my own eyes."

"Yes…" Tauriel hesitated. "But Thorin has no wound that I could tend to, and even if he had there would be others who would be much more qualified to do so than me. And aside from that…" she cast her eyes down and Kíli wondered why she was so very reluctant about this. Did she not have faith in herself? Because he believed in her more firmly than he believed in anything else. When she looked back up, she looked straight at him, only at him, her face slightly red and her voice lowered so that as few people as possible would be able to hear what she said. "What I did for you worked only because it was you, you see? Because I was prepared to do anything – to give anything – to keep you alive."

She fell silent, but continued to look him in the eye, trying to make him understand what she seemed unable to express in words. "Oh," Kíli merely said when he realized what she was trying to tell him. And suddenly he remembered how when she had brought him back from the shadows, he had felt her light envelop both of them for a few moments, enabling him to see into her soul, to feel the love which back then neither of them had consciously acknowledged. He had never questioned her about her healing, had simply assumed that this was part of being an Elf. Only now did he realize that what she had done for him had been her sharing a little bit of herself with him, bringing him back from the edge with her love for him.

The others looked away in embarrassment – except for Balin who stared at Tauriel in shock – and Kíli only tore his gaze away from Tauriel when Gandalf chuckled. "That explains a lot," the old wizard said mysteriously.

Kíli frowned. "What do you mean?" Tauriel looked at Gandalf in surprise, but Kíli could see that the words of the wizard made more sense to her than they did to him.

"We can discuss this at some other time," Gandalf said. "Right now we need to find a way to resolve this situation and we need to do it fast."

Kíli followed his gaze to the group of dwarves still arguing in a corner of the room. Next to him Fíli gave a low sigh. "I suppose things are about to get messy?" he asked Gandalf who merely huffed.

"What are you talking about?" Kíli asked his brother.

Fìli looked over at the other dwarves and then back at Kíli. "Thorin's… situation has resulted in a discussion of leadership. There are some who think that Thorin will not be fit to be king regardless of how this turns out."

Kíli looked at him in shock. "What does that mean? Why didn't you tell me before?"

Fíli looked away and Gandalf answered in his place. "It means that there are parties here that are pushing for a new leader. And they do not agree on who this should be."

Kíli blinked. "But… Thorin is alive still. He is king. He returned Erebor to the Dwarves – how can they talk about replacing him?" He suddenly felt some of that old, fierce loyalty well up in his chest once more after he had almost thought that he had lost it.

Fíli shook his head. "I know what you mean. But I'm afraid it is more complicated than that."

"Why?"

"They are afraid," Balin spoke up from behind. "Afraid that the past will repeat itself and that Thorin will suffer the same fate as his grandfather during his worst days. Your great-grandfather's actions brought about a rift between us and the peoples around us. And some believe that Smaug was the punishment for this. Now they fear what evil might befall our kin next."

"This is nonsense," Kíli said.

"Maybe," Fíli returned, "but it is also the kind of nonsense that take root in people's minds, influences them."

"Aye." Balin sighed. "It does seem as if your line is doomed to re-enacting the same fate over and over again."

"Don't say that," Kíli hissed at him.

Fíli put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down. "He does not mean it that way. But don't you think it is strange that history seems to be repeating itself all over again?"

Kíli looked down at his uncle who seemed to have slipped into unconsciousness in the meantime. "Yes… yes, it is very strange indeed. That is why we need to find a way to stop it, to return things to the way they were."

Fíli dropped his hand and sank down on the bed, looking defeated. "Aye. If only we knew where to begin."

Later that night, Kíli lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, following the shadowy patterns that the moonlight threw on it from where it shone through the curtains. Another night without Tauriel. It had been quite late when they had left Thorin's side and she had been offered her own quarters. Kíli had felt that it would not have been a good time to begin a dispute over that, especially since he was not sure how aware everyone except for Fíli was of the status of their relationship.

So he had awkwardly bid her goodnight in the hallway, wanting to draw her into his arms, but restraining himself, also feeling quite some hesitation on her side. He only hoped that she did not take this the wrong way and that she understood that he did not want to affront anyone here at Erebor mostly for her own benefit, to make it easier for her to be around the other dwarves.

And maybe it was better this way, better for him to be alone for some time, to sort out his thoughts and reflect on everything that had happened that day. Ah, who was he kidding. If she wasn't with him, all his thoughts centered around was her anyway, making it hard to properly focus on anything else, no matter how urgent.

Suddenly he heard his door open and close again in quick succession and he lifted his head up from his mattress gazing into the darkness. He had not even bothered to undress when he came into his room a while ago and his hand immediately went to the small knife he carried in his belt.

"Who is there?" he said, sitting up in alarm.

Silently Tauriel stepped out of the shadows and into the pool of white moonlight at the center of his room, a sheepish smile on her face. "No one who means you any harm. Quite on the contrary actually," she said.

"You shouldn't be here," Kíli chided her, well aware that the happy smile spreading across his face contradicted his words.

She grinned and stepped closer, coming to a stop right in front of him, where she put her hands on his shoulders and lowered her face to his, gazing into his eyes. "If you think that I am spending my night alone in a mountain full of dwarfs who look at me with everything ranging from suspicion to hostility, you are gravely mistaken."

Kíli returned her grin. "Of course." He grabbed her around the waist and threw her onto his bed effortlessly, flipping them over in the process. Half lying on top of her he looked down at her and brushed a strand of hair from her face. "We wouldn't want you to be ravished by some filthy, dangerous dwarf, milady."

"No," she returned, tangling her hand in the hair at the back of his head. "Except if it is one particular dwarf that does the ravishing."

Kíli lowered his gaze to her full, soft lips. "Let me see what I can do about that," he muttered before leaning down to press his lips to hers, pouring all the longing that he had felt for those past few days but had been unable to satisfy into their kiss and feeling her welcome him with both her body and her soul.

Later that night, Kíli and Tauriel lay on his bed together, he on his back and she on her side, tracing random patterns on his naked chest with the tips of her fingers. Kíli knew that he should sleep, get some rest after a very long and tiring day. But there was simply too much on his mind for him to fall asleep, no way for him to find oblivion. The knowledge that, beneath the sheets, the almost painfully beautiful she-elf lying next to him did not wear a single inch of fabric on her glorious body did not exactly help with that.

"What do you think will happen?" she whispered.

He turned his head towards her. "I wish I knew. I honestly have no idea how this whole thing could be resolved."

She smiled at him. "We will not stop until we have found a way, and no matter how long it takes, I'm here with you. You are not alone in this."

"I know. And I know that being here cannot be easy for you."

"I will not lie and say it is. I knew it wouldn't be. But I think it is not that easy for you either."

He squeezed her hand which still rested on his chest. "No. No it's not. But we will be okay." He really hoped he was right. She smiled at him reassuringly and he kissed her softly before returning his gaze to the ceiling, the patterns on it soon becoming indistinguishable from the patterns Tauriel was still drawing on his chest and he sank into an uneasy sleep that was filled with images of his uncle. Thorin being carried in the claws of a giant eagle, his body limp and lifeless. Thorin leaving him behind at Laketown. Thorin on the battlefield, going down against Bolg. Thorin confronting him about his actions, accusing him, doubting him. Thorin telling him that he was of great importance to him and this family while at the same time obviously not trusting him around the Arkenstone, shielding it from his sight. In his dream, Kíli tried to push past Thorin, trying to get a look at the King's Jewel, a sudden longing to hold it in his hands filling him, urging him on. But Thorin would not budge, no matter how hard Kíli pushed and shoved and all he ever saw of the stone was a faint glimmer.

He sat up in his bed abruptly, panting, cold sweat covering his bare back. Tauriel, who had been sitting by the window, gazing out over the lands at the foot of the Lonely Mountain, rushed to his side when she heard him stir.

Putting her hands on his cheeks she forced him to look at her. "What is it, a'maelamin? What did you see?"

Trying to calm his breath enough to be able to speak, Kíli wrapped both of his hands around her wrists, looking at her with wide eyes. "The stone," he said, his voice hoarse. "It's that damn stone."

She frowned. "What stone? The runestone?"

"No," he shook his head, his gaze slowly becoming clearer. "The Arkenstone. The King's Jewel. It is what has taken a hold of Thorin's mind. It's the reason for all this mess." He looked at her with determination in his eyes. His voice was calm when he spoke again. "We have to get rid of it."

tbc...

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