A/N: uhm... Wow it's been a while, uh oh. The chapter is short because I did something bad to my wrist and it's in quite a bit of pain right now. :') Just wanted to pump out this chapter for you all... Sorry It took so long!
Not beta'd, so any mistakes are all mine.
~E
You are Karkat.
You feel a world of regret, you wish you could take back what you did, no matter how good it was at the time. The saying "you never know what you have until it's gone" is true. You miss John, but you know he's angry with you. Space is what you truly need right now, you just need to talk to him. You at least need to apologise, even if that does end up with his fist making contact with your jaw again.
You feel guilty for just using Sollux for your own sexual pleasure, but jesus, you were frustrated and John... No you wouldn't let yourself think about that.
You are tapping your fingers on the table of this more local coffee shop, a poppyseed muffin in front of you that has been picked apart. You always do that to your food. Pick it apart before you eat it. You don't even know why.
Your phone vibrates on the table and you look at it.
where are you anyway?
You type furiously on the keyboard because you don't want him to change his mind and maybe if you type quickly and respond fast you won't lose him.
I'M AT THIS LITTLE COFFEE SHOP ON 4TH STREET. I DON'T REALLY REMEMBERTHE NAME.
You put your phone down and put another pinch of muffin in your mouth before getting a response.
ok be there in 5 minutes.
So he was on his way.
OKAY.
You try taking smaller pieces of the muffin to make it last, and to distract you until John arrived. The minutes ticked by and the familiar black haired male walked in the door, his piercing blue eyes scanning the room. You made eye contact, but his look was intense. You turned away but he came and sat in front of you.
"What is it, Karkat? What's so important?" He asked. More like demanded, and you winced.
"I know I said it before, but John, I mean it, I am truly sorry. I know you won't forgive me today. Not for a while. I know. I just want you to know that I am sincerely sorry about this all, I didn't want it to turn out this way, but it did. And I now pay the price, and so do you. I'm sorry that I made you feel so horribly, and I'm sorry I hurt you," You ramble on and you apologise for everything. You grab his hands and drag them to the center of the table, and he seems tense. He looks down at both of your hands. "All I know is that I can't lose you. Not yet. I know it may be hard to swallow, but I love you, I really do. And you're the only one for me. Even when I was... With Sollux, I only thought of you anyway. I even moaned your name a few times, and he was just ok with that. Oh god, John, please just say something, I'm sounding like an idiot."
John says nothing, instead trembles and hangs his head so you can't see his eyes. He looks up and he's crying and he yanks his hands back to wipe his eyes on his sleeves. You're not sure if that's good or if its bad.
"Then why did you do it? If you love me so much, why?" He sniffs. "It was a real douche-move, you know. And it hurts a lot." You look him in the eyes and you don't know how to answer him. Your breath falters and you hold your head in your hands, leaning on the table.
"John, I don't know. I really just... I couldn't take it, ok? I was really just sexually frustrated and out of line. I wasn't thinking straight. My bulge was telling me more than my brain," You mumble. Just loud enough so he can hear you. You watched as tears were hitting the table and splashing against the surface.
That certainly wasn't normal. You don't cry.
John grabbed your hands and he was still crying. "Look at me, Karkat," he said, and you did, tears in your eyes. Thank god this coffee shop was nearly empty. "Look at me and tell me you love me, even after what you did." You felt his intense eyes on you and you bite your lip. You stare into his eyes.
"Johnathan Egbert, I fucking mean it when I say I love you. I wouldn't waste my breath if I didn't mean it. I never said that to Sollux. Oh god, John, if I could take it back I would."
John dropped your hands and smiled very slightly. He stood up.
"We still have things to discuss. Call me later," he said emotionlessly. Karkat sat alone there, with the half eaten muffin crumbling onto the table top.