Note: It's been 2 weeks since I last posted, but that's because I was planning a SuperChapter for you guys and gals out there. Hope you like it. Congratulations to Cloudlover2989 for correctly answering the quiz question for the last chapter. The answer is: 'Piper at the Gates of Dawn'. Congratulations also to the following fans who answered correctly, but just a bit too late to win: 'Gunner Fraley' and 'Prisonerksc2-303'. Either way, you still get what you want, since you're all voting for Tifa to win.
To Ringbearingreasergal: I finished 'American Gods'. It was absolutely wonderful, and I'm glad you suggested it to me. Mr. Wednesday is so like Barney from How I Met Your Mother, or maybe Reno from FF7.
In your last message you said that you were reading 'Year of Endless Sorrows'. How has my suggestion been for you? I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed 'American Gods'. (I didn't know this until after I'd suggested it to you, but the author, Adam Rapp, has also directed the film 'Winter Passing' with Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell, written scripts for the TV series 'The L Word', and is a member of a band called 'Less The Band'.
Chapter 20 Quiz Question: What is the name of the airship in the game 'Chrono Trigger'? (Hint: the answer to the question is mentioned several times in this chapter.)
Chapter 20 Quiz Reward: What do you want Tifa to do with Blackbird? (You'll understand when you read this chapter.)
Chapter 20- The Week From Heck
(Monday)
From the diary of Tifa Lockheart, Sep. 8, 2001:
...And I lunged straight at Yuffie, intending to pin her to the floor. I must have calculated wrong, because Yuffie sidestepped the attack and grabbed me by my breasts.
She twisted them until I cried out in pain, and then Yuffie gave me a push.
As I stumbled backwards, Yuffie kicked me in the groin. The force of the kick almost brought me to tears. To add insult to injury, she lifted up my face with her left index finger and exclaimed, "Vincent is mine, and I am his! Keep your grubby paws off of him!" Yuffie ended her statement with a fierce slap that landed across my left cheek, leaving a red handprint on my face.
Now, if Yuffie had done the smart thing and delivered a final knockout blow, then I would have been out for the count. Lucky for me, that's not what happened. She did the worst thing you can do in a fight:
Turn your back and walk away.
Honestly, did she think that I would stay down after a simple boob grab, groin kick, and face slap? Not a chance. So I did the one thing that I knew would humiliate her the most:
I pulled her shorts down, underwear and all.
Yuffie nearly jumped a foot in the air out of shock, allowing me to pull them all the way off and toss them in a corner where she couldn't get to them.
The half-naked ninja blushed heavily as she tried to cover up with her shirt.
It wasn't long enough to do so.
As she tried in vain to hide herself from my sight, I took hold of her shirt, ripping it off as well. Apparently, she didn't like wearing a bra, because after I pulled the shirt over her head, I was seeing a lot of Yuffie.
All of her, to be exact.
Sephiroth must have heard the commotion, because his spirit body entered the room, maneuvering past the bathroom door without making a sound. If he wanted to see two bickering bitches tear each other apart, then by Gaia, he was going to get quite a show.
I offered to fight in even conditions, to which Yuffie replied, "Off with them! If I have to fight like this, you should too!"
"Fine."
I reached down to remove my shorts as well, but apparently, Yuffie wasn't satisfied with simply watching me disrobe on my own volition. She grabbed the back of my shirt, and even though Yuffie wasn't very good at shirt ripping, the backwards pull on my white blouse caused the front of the shirt to tighten around my voluptuous breasts.
I could feel the buttons tremble as they were forced against my tender skin.
Yuffie kept pulling harder and harder. My nipples poked out against the fabric of the shirt farther and farther. The buttons dug into my skin closer and closer. The first thing to go was my bra. I felt it snap and give way, more because of the pressure coming from me than it was from Yuffie.
Only I could see the boyish grin and hope on Sephiroth's face as he tried to subconsciously will my blouse to tear. Finally, the buttons began to burst. The top one went first, revealing a fairly deep line of cleavage through the v-neck of the blouse. The second button fell to the floor, leaving my bust hardly contained within the fabric of the shirt.
Then something happened that Yuffie didn't count on:
I began to feel excited.
This last breath of sensuality filled my bosoms to the breaking point. The final button shot across the room like a rocket as the blouse ripped and it, as well as my bra, fell to the floor, broken beyond repair.
Yuffie spun my naked body around to face her, and as she did this, a rush of milk squirted out and splashed against her face.
Sephiroth went back into the bathroom. I guess he was at the breaking point too.
Yuffie's next plan of attack was to pull my hair. She yanked at the dark strands until some of them came out in a big clump. I yelped in pain, but we both knew what was coming. As I started to tense up and emit a slight glow, Yuffie released her grasp and uttered, "Uh-oh. Not a limit break!"
A fearsome competitive spirit flowed through my body as I automatically released my limit break: A lightning flurry of knockout punches to Yuffie's face.
Left, right, left...
...jab, hook, uppercut...
Yuffie squealed in agony as she crumpled into a ball in the corner. Then I unleashed the final blow in the attack:
A bicycle kick that pushed upwards against Yuffie's jaw.
The fight was over, but Yuffie's pain was only beginning. As I backed away to survey the damage, I grimaced when I saw the blood flowing like an ocean from her nose.
Yuffie's jaw must have been damaged, because she couldn't close her mouth. It was an open gate to the world, providing a close-up view of the 3 or maybe 4 front molars that had been shoved almost completely into her blood-soaked gums.
This girl needed medical attention. I called 9-1-1, and didn't stop crying until my mind drifted to sleep that night. I only slept for an hour or 2 that whole night. Yuffie's dire condition was a wake-up call for me, and I decided right then and there that I would turn my life around.
I thought that I had practically killed the young ninja, and without the help of trained medical specialists, that might have been the case.
Blackbird- A poem by Tifa Marie Lockheart
I see her
before she comes.
Blackbird, spread your British wings.
Fly home, runaway. Fly.
She rests her laurels
on paid time,
biting into a Cadbury egg.
Bastard.
The scent of her anger
will make me wretch
with violent trembling.
Oh happy day.
(Tuesday)
When Tifa went in to work on Tuesday morning, she was called into Rico Gunsalvo's office. Her fears that the topic to be discussed centered around Yuffie were unfounded.
"Tifa, yesterday the Don signed a new model to work for our company. She recently came to the Gaia from a far-off land called Great Britain, and she needs a place to stay before she can make enough money to get her own place."
"And you want her to live with me, right?"
"Yes."
"I'll do it."
"Thank you. Let me bring her in."
Rico hit a button on his desk phone, and a security guard escorted the lady into the room.
The new girl looked extremely young. She was in the mid-5-foot height range. She wore an all-black t-shirt and skirt ensemble, which matched her dark black hair. Tifa was actually surprised to see that the rookie didn't have any tattoos or piercings.
As for what her secret skill was, Tifa didn't have the slightest clue. The new girl was very small in some places, and there was nothing exceptional about her, other than the young look to her face.
Of course, everything came into focus when the newcomer opened her mouth, releasing her excruciatingly Cockneyed accent.
"So this is it, then?"
Rico introduced the two ladies to each other.
"Tifa, this is Blackbird. Blackbird, this is your new roommate, Tifa. She's the highest seller in the organization for this year."
"So I'm accorded to give 'er a bloody handclap, then? A nice lot in life, an' what not? Stuff it. I'm not 'ere to be your best seller. I'm not 'ere to get a rise from any of your blokes."
"Then what are you here for?", Rico queried.
"I'm 'ere to get naked. It's as simple as that."
"You like the breeze?" Tifa asked.
"Piss off, will ya? Are you a bloody tosser?"
"A what?"
"Do you fancy a scrap?"
"I'm not...I don't follow."
"Heh...typical Gaian...Never ask what I'm alludin' to, just and old 'quit and go home'."
"I'm sorry, but I don't appreciate your attitude."
"What do you take a fancy to then, eh? Bobbies on your London Bridge? Oh, never mind."
"Excuse me, but exactly how old are you?"
"I've just crossed 18, day before ya speakin' t' me."
"Alright. At least you're legal."
"What? Was that a crack about my looks? You work for farmer MacDonald, then? 'Ere your beef sandwich, you want chips wi' that?"
"Blackbird, you are nothing but a dirty rotten monster!"
"Yeah, an' you're stuck wi' me."
Rico sent Tifa's day spinning farther into its tailspin when he added,
"Tifa, we're hoping that you can help her out. If anyone can fix her, you can."
Blackbird did not improve when she arrived home with Tifa.
"So, Blackbird, what's your real name?"
"Lorrie tosser."
"Oh. Well, what do you want to eat, Lorrie?"
"My God, you're a blooming idiot! Of course it's not my name."
"Then what is?"
"Lucy."
"Short for Lucille?"
"No, short for Lucifer. Of course it's Lucille, you dumb animal!"
"But I..."
"You what? Go on, spit it out."
"I'm smart...and...and I'm inte...intellegent."
"By jove, you're all teary-eyed. I struck a nerve, didn't I? What's the matter? Hard life? No spine?"
"I was abused by my ex-husband. You remind me of him."
"Oh, boohoo. World's smallest violin, and all that. I'm a little sissy girl, then? Hubby beat you, leave you making messes in your knickers?"
"No. Stop now, please."
"All granted, since you asked so nicely. Now let's make small talk over dinner. You will fix me a sandwich and a smattering of potato crispers, yes? You will fix for yourself a soup and saltines, mayhap an apple beside."
"Is that supposed to be a prediction?"
"No, it's a demand."
"You think you can demand what I'm going to eat?"
"You listened, right?"
Tifa looked down and saw that she had a can of soup in her hand.
After dinner was completed, Tifa asked, "What 3 things do you miss the most about London?"
"London? I was born there, but I lived in Kingston-Upon-Hull. Get your tidbits in a row. Anyhow, the 3 things I miss are as follows:
1. The tender taste of fish n' chips.
2. The pubs.
3. Traveling my father for a good lay now and then."
Tifa's mouth was agape, shocked at Blackbird's last statement.
"Ah, so you've come about the saying a time or so?"
"You forced your father to make love to you?"
"The world may never know."
"I don't want to know. What I do want to know is your real name."
"My real name is Janna Daughlin."
"Well, Janna, I'm leaving in a bit to go to the store."
"And you're tellin' me this because..."
"I don't trust you."
"Then lock me away. It's what my jealous Mum always did."
"In your room?"
"With handcuffs."
"I won't do that, but if you want to be locked in your room, then go ahead. I'm leaving."
From the diary of Tifa Lockheart:
I met Sephiroth in the store. I guess he followed me. He loves me, but he doesn't yet comprehend the problems of a spirit lusting for a human. It's all new to him.
A lot of friendly acquaintances were shopping there as well, but when I walked by, they all gave me an evil stare. I suppose they've heard about what happened to Yuffie. I also suppose that they don't know the true story.
When Tifa arrived home, there were 5 cars in the driveway. She prayed for the best, but expected the worst as she opened the door and saw...
...five college-age boys laying in their underwear with Janna, who was in Tifa's blue bathrobe.
"Get out! All of you!" Tifa shouted.
The boys put on their clothes and departed, leaving Janna to steam afterwards.
"What was that about, Tifa?"
"I don't like people making love on my couch. And what's with the whole 5-way thing?"
"Tifa, there's one thing you must know about me. I need a baby. I must have one, and there's nothing you can do to stop me! If you try to interfere again, I swear, honest to Gaia, upon my bleeding heart, I will kill you. I will chop off your bloody neck and feed it to the rabid penguins that I will pull from your arse!"
Janna continued her morbid promise, but Tifa walked away, into Janna's new room.
"Hey now, love! Don't go in there just yet!"
It was too late. Laying on the dresser beside the bed was Janna's passport. Her age was correctly listed as being 14 years old.
"Oh my God! You're..."
"A teenybopper, yes. Bloody well right. What do you make of it?"
"Oh, goodness...no. This can't be happening! I have to get us both out of this, as soon as possible!"
Tifa picked up the phone.
"Rico, this is Tifa. Did you know that Janna is only 14?"
"Who?"
"Blackbird."
"What?! No! This is the first I've heard of it! Let me patch you in to Don."
"Hello, this is the Don. How may I help you, Tifa?"
"Blackbird is only 14. Did you know that?"
"Yes."
"No hesitation?! Don, you're a sick, perverted freak. If you don't fire her this instant, then I walk!"
"Fine, alright! Anything to keep my best girl! As of tomorrow, she will officially be terminated."
"She'd better be. Goodbye."
*click*
"Tifa, why?! What have you done?!"
"Saving my job down the line. You're not even legal. I have never encountered someone like you in my life."
"An' ya just cut off my money chain!"
"Don't worry. I'll find you a job."
"So be it. Stuff the Don, then. But I'm having a baby; a whole motherload full of them! I want to be so pregnant, they have to wheel me around in a wheelbarrow!"
"Over my dead body."
At supper that night, Janna didn't let up.
"Supper's ready, Janna."
When Janna sat down and saw what was on her plate, she stood up and went back to the couch.
"What is that horse-rubbish?"
"It's pasta."
"You could have fooled me. I thought it was a pile of used condoms."
Tifa had heard enough from Janna, and she snapped back, "It's not like you would know. Protection's not your strong suit."
"Is that a tone of rebellion I hear? Careful, I says to myself, I wouldn't want t' have my teeth knocked into my gums. You're quite a menace t' society yourself."
"How did you know about that?"
"I fielded a call for you day before I'm speakin' t' ya."
"And?"
"A total reconstruction, the diagnosis was. They had to set 'er nose back in place as well."
"It wasn't broken?"
"No...it was removed."
"WHAT?!"
"Calm it! I'm just pullin' your leg."
"So the nose is fine?"
"Of course. It's perfectly alright. In fact, it's completely shattered."
"Oh my God."
"Yeah, you did quite a number on her. I'm impressed. Anyway, if you need me, I'll be in my room, listening to 'The White Album'.
When Janna had closed her door and removed herself from the room totally, Aeris popped in and began to eat the extra plate of pasta. Sephiroth reclined on the couch and watched the evening news.
"It's so good to see you, Aeris! That girl is such a handful!"
"Do we still have to keep our voices down?"
"No. She'll be playing music. She can't hear."
"Good. Janna is so creepy! I hate her already!"
"Tell me about it. But I can't just put her on the street! I got her removed from her job."
"I heard that. Don has really gone to a new low!"
"I told him that if she stays on salary, I'm walking. Then he fired her. Well, sort of."
"You should call Protective Services. They'll find her a home."
"I'm terrified of her."
"We are too, Tifa."
Sephiroth spoke up, "I thought it would be cool to come back to Gaia and see you get dressed, but it gets old after the first dozen times."
Aeris added, "Don't listen to him. If he was there, you'd see him."
"I know."
Sephiroth continued, "I can't wait to get back to the Lifestream."
"You know", Aeris replied, "If we can get Tifa to write a novel, we can leave."
"Or if I can get her to fall in love with me. Don't forget that."
"Wait a second!", Tifa interrupted.
"Are you saying that I'd have to choose between writing and love? I couldn't have both?"
"Nope. When one leaves, we both leave.", Sephiroth mused.
"But I wouldn't want you two to leave."
"If we don't leave, then we will never go to the Lifestream again, and we wouldn't have helped you out. Think about that."
(Wednesday)
"I want biscuits!"
Imagine waking up to that every morning.
Tifa crawled out of bed and into the kitchen, looking for any biscuits that she could cook. Unfortunately, there were only two left.
"I'm sorry, but there are only two left."
"So what?"
"So let's have pancakes instead?"
"NO! I SAID BISCUITS!"
Tifa recoiled in shock as witnessed Janna begin to huff and puff, and to blow her hair into a crazy form that looked like a dark frizz-ball.
"Listen here, you little spoiled brat! No one talks to Tifa Lockheart that way!"
"Then do somethin'! That's what I thought! You're a big chicken, aren't you? You won't do a thing!"
...After Tifa had finished baking the two biscuits, she set them on the table; one for Tifa, and one for Janna.
As Tifa reached for her biscuit, Janna reached out and swiped it out of her hand.
"Mine!"
Janna ate both of the biscuits.
Tifa encountered something that day that was slightly odd. The situation went something like this:
A young girl walked into the bar. She had dark hair, and her personality was very kind, like Aeris. She walked up to the bar and asked, "How do I get to Zanarkand from here?"
"You're a long way off. In fact, I don't know what you did, but you're insanely lost. I think your disc might be scratched, or dirty, or something."
Tifa hated to see her cry when she told the inconvenient truth, but that's how the life of a video game character is sometimes: There are mistakes.
Still, she couldn't understand why Rinoa Heartlilly had left the 8th world to come the 7th world, only to ask directions to the 10th world. Tifa shook it from her mind, and continued her job.
Of course, who would show up but everyone's friendly neighborhood flirt, Reno.
"Reno, do you have experience with teenagers?"
"I was one."
"Yeah, well, I have this problem. You see, I'm housing a teenager who is really rowdy, and won't listen to a thing I say."
"Oh. I suck at parenting. I think."
Reno paid for his drink and turned to go.
"What, no music? No misguided advice?"
"You like that stuff?"
"Well..."
"You do, don't you?"
"I do. It's almost like a highlight of my day."
"I don't have anything for you today."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm saving all of my material for tonight."
"What are you talking about?"
"You like surprises, right?"
"Yeah."
"Tifa, tonight will be a surprise to remember."
"I guess that's what I get when I open the door to Reno...Reno...what's your last name?"
"That's a need-to-know basis. To you, I'm your mysterious stranger."
"Ooh. See you tonight, stranger."
Reno always arrives late.
Tifa expected an excellent candle-lit dinner, followed by dancing and trip to Tifa's spacious bed.
Instead, Reno did not show up until 2 o' clock in the morning.
It was the ultimate show, in Reno's eyes, of the fact that he was willing to take things slow. He climbed into bed with Tifa. She stirred, and smiled when she saw his face, but quickly dozed back off to sleep. Reno did the same. For the first time in his life, he was perfectly content with waiting until the timing was right.
(Thursday)
It was the worst thing that Tifa could have woken up to. Reno was gone, to work probably. Tifa turned on the TV to watch the morning news. Except...
...it wasn't the news. On the screen was an image of two burning towers:
The ShinRa Towers.
Tifa was worried for Reno's safety, so she called him on his cellphone.
"Reno, please tell me that you're safe!"
"I am. Rufus and the Turks got out fine. We were the lucky ones. It's chaos out here. Sorry that you had to worry yourself about me."
"I'm worried for everyone."
"Me too."
Janna had been gone for most of the day. Tifa did not question why, mostly because she didn't want to know.
(Friday)
When Janna arrived back home on Friday morning, she appeared to be totally uncaring about the fact that many people had lost their lives the previous day.
She simply laid a case on the kitchen table and went to her room.
Tifa happened to walk by the table and see exactly what the case was.
It was a demo video, of Janna. It was directed by Don Corneo.
"Don! I told you to fire Janna!"
"Uh...sorry?"
"Are you going to continue to work with this girl?"
"No. Her demo sucked."
"And that's your reasoning? I quit."
"You what?!"
"You heard me. I quit."
"You quit working for me? You quit making this corporation the biggest seller of adult films in existence? We'll be hopeless without you!"
"Too bad. And I'm not quitting you. I'm quitting the industry all together. My days of making movies are done."
"You can't be serious!"
"Oh, but I am!"
"The girls are going to be so upset!"
"Too bad. Goodbye...forever."
By 3 P.M. on Friday afternoon, every girl that worked for Don and Rico had heard all about Tifa quitting. Every girl in the building knew what that meant:
Less sales.
Don was right: they were quite upset.
What Tifa didn't count on, however?
They were angry enough to do something about it.
And there was someone living with Tifa who could let them in.
(Saturday)
Lucky for Janna, Tifa had to be gone all day. She had a lot of shopping to do in order to keep the bar stocked, and she had also agreed to meet Reno for lunch.
Janna had collected the phone numbers of every girl that was currently working for the Don, and they were all ready to come over and exact their revenge.
Lunch with Reno had been great for Tifa. There wasn't much special about it. It was simply an average steakhouse, and the small talk wasn't too deep. She did, however, enjoy Reno's company.
What she did not enjoy, however, is what awaited her when she got home.
From the moment Tifa stepped through the door, she couldn't smell the stink.
"Dang, Jenna! What did you do?"
No answer.
The smell was coming from the bathroom, and that made Tifa very scared that Janna had done something. She had no idea that her former co-workers were in on the plot.
When Tifa opened the bathroom door, she instantly puked. The smell was horrific. There was pee all over the floor, flooding the corners with little yellow puddles. The commode was so filled with poop, it overflowed out of the bowl, and seemed to rise like a column pointing toward the ceiling.
This was the result of 100 angry co-workers, all trying to do their 'business' at the same time.
Tifa closed the door and sat on the floor, crying.
It didn't help matters to hear Janna walk by and give Tifa the details.
"That, my friend, is the wrath of angry women. 100, to be exact. Oh, and by the way, I'm pregnant."
Tifa wiped her tears as she queried, "Are you absolutely positive?"
"I am. Two tests confirm it."
"Who's the father?"
Janna turned around, letting the message on the back of her hoodie do the talking. It read:
'Precious Father'.
Janna turned back around and continued:
"We shut the bar down while you were gone. You lost a pretty good bit of business, I'd say. And that Denzel kid was looking for you. He said he wants to talk with you tomorrow.
Tifa stood to her feet and continued about her day, confident that the week from heck would give way to something more pleasant. Things already seemed to be turning up, for she witnessed the spirits of Aeris and Sephiroth volunteer to clean the bathroom. How nice of them. It was the least they could do to help.
(Sunday)
On the seventh day, Tifa looked over the past week and saw that it was bad. Tifa rested, and it was the seventh day.
Looking Out The Turtle's Shell- A poem by Tifa Marie Lockheart
The book will write itself.
If I stare at the paper,
curled words will form,
and my mind writes the smiles
while my heart beats its wings.
Aeris is cute with a
plunger in her hand.
The reason it's dark:
It flows out from me.
Stories are my dropping
in a thousand cranial toilets.
Realities are plumbers.
We have fallen, all, into the cracks.