''I don't want Teddy to be over at your parents house without one of us there, if it's a chance she might be there. I mean it Christian; I don't want her anywhere near our son. Well she doesn't believe it's your son… What happened with you wasn't your fault, Grace will understand, you were a child you have nothing to be embarrassed about.''
''Then why do I feel so ashamed?'' He asks in a whisper, and my heart breaks for him. This man that had things that shouldn't happen to him, happen. Things that make him think less of him. A grown woman seduced him, she's at fault she should be ashamed, Christian was just a teenage boy and the things that happened to him, was nothing he could control.
''That's because she made you feel that way, she made you think that you wanted it… god Christian… don't you see, she did you nothing good. I heard what you said about her helping you, and maybe she did, but the way she did it was wrong. She used you, and made you the way she wanted you… I know that you would somehow have picked yourself up, and you would've gotten better. Remember you told me about your birth mom? And how you wouldn't ever want to end up like that, remember?'' He's quiet and all I hear is his breathing. ''I remember that, it meant so much to me when you opened up that part of yourself… I know that at one point you would've snapped out of it, because you're a strong person Christian, you're amazing. Teddy thinks so, I think so and everyone else who knows you thinks that… And if you want me to be with you while you tell them, I will be. I'll be there for you whenever you need me.''
There's a long silence and I wonder if he hung up on me or maybe fell asleep. I sit there waiting for his response, but I'm met with a complete silence. Did I step over the line?
''How did I get so lucky to meet you?'' Christian asks, and I smile. ''How did I get so lucky to have a child with you, to love you? Are you even real? You're amazing Ana, truly amazing.'' He whispers the last part. ''I can't wait to come home to you, to hold you. God I love you so much Ana.'' Now would be a good time saying it back, but I don't want to tell him over the phone. I want to tell him when he can answer with one of his amazing kisses. I miss his amazing kisses; I miss the feel of his lips on mine.
''Hmmm,'' I breath out and get a smile on my face. Suddenly that feeling of unease I had before disappeared. All I needed was to hear Christian say those words to me, that's all I ever need. I need him, and I want him. We can get past his past; I'm more interested in our future.
''I wish I was there with you now, just holding you, and cuddle you… hell I don't do cuddling, but I love it with you. I love watching you, I love kissing you, I love you.'' He lets out a soft chuckle. ''Was that too much?''
''No it was perfect, just like you.'' I sigh when I see it's over midnight. ''I should get some rest, I need to be rested for a shopping day with your sister.'' He laughs, a tired and breathy laugh, but still a beautiful laugh.
''I wish you would let me pay for you, please let me pay I want to treat you.'' I stand up to leave the balcony and get ready for bed.
''No Christian, I have money. But if I go over my budget and find something nice, I'll buy it, deal?'' There's really nothing I need, or want for that matter. But I want to spend the time with Christian's sister; I wouldn't have asked her if I didn't. I've met Mia one time before, I think she was around 9 maybe 8 years old, and she hung around Christian all the time. Every time he tried to shake her off, she just continued walking behind us until we left the house. She was a cute little thing, and now she's so pretty.
''Deal, I'll take it. Please buy over your budget; I really want you to buy you something nice. I wish I was there and could buy it for you; we have to do that another time.'' He sounds happy and hopeful.
''Okay Christian, you buy stuff for me, and I'll buy stuff for you. Plus Christian you bought me a car, how much money do you want to spend on me?''
''All of it…'' he whispers ''what are you doing now?'' He asks, and I'm not going to play that game with him, considering I'm in the bathroom in the master bedroom where Teddy is sleeping, plus I wouldn't know what to say in a situation like this, when I think about it I get embarrassed.
''Something really sexy,'' I lie and I hear his breathing changing, I have to suppress a giggle.
''Yeah?''
''Mmmhmm… I'm brushing my teeth.'' He sighs and I can't help the giggle that escapes.
''That is sexy, I wish I could see it, I wish I could see you both… you and Teddy I mean, not you and your toothbrush.'' I go back to the bedroom, and I sit down beside Teddy, running my fingers through his soft hair. Teddy is a heavy sleeper so it doesn't wake him up.
''We wish that too,'' I whisper ''he really misses you. I'm glad you have bonded over the weeks, and I'm happy that he finally has a daddy, you know he always wanted one.''
''And I always wanted him, I was just too stupid to know it at the time. I appreciate you giving me a chance so, so much Anastasia,'' it isn't often he calls me by my full name, but I love it when he does, unless he's mad. ''I wish I could go back in time so much… don't comment Ana… I wish I could see what not being with you would do to me. I really believe I would've been a bad dad, even though I thought I was, I wasn't mature, and I wouldn't be any good for Teddy. But now, now I'm turning into this other person because of him, in the beginning it was scary but now I love what he's doing to me.''
''You're amazing Christian, I wish you could see yourself through Teddy's eyes, he adores you. And I can see the change you have on him too, I realize what I did was wrong and I'm sorry.'' I look at Teddy who is sleeping with his mouth slightly open, and making small grunting huffs, the same noises I've noticed Christian makes.
''You did the right thing Ana, thank you.'' I look over at the clock it's almost 1am already, he must be exhausted after all his meetings.
''He's kind of perfect don't you think?'' I ask, while lying down on my pillow and taking the cover up to my neck.
''He is,'' Christian agrees, ''we made him Ana… you and me, together'' he whispers, and I grin a goofy smile. Thinking about that we did make him, Christian and I, back when we thought life was easy and our only worry was about school.
''We did… I'm falling Christian,'' I whisper not able to keep my eyes open.
''I'll catch you every time… I know what you mean baby, go to sleep. I'll call again tomorrow, I love you.'' he whisper the last part, and I nearly can't hear him say it. Then I fall asleep.
''OMG Ana, you have to buy that.'' Mia squeals as she holds up a red lace lingerie set, ''plus red is Christian's favorite color.'' Well that I've noticed, thinking back to when he showed me that room. She hands me the set and I inspect it, and surprisingly she found it in my size.
We've been walking around forever, Mia wanting me to try on everything she finds. I'll admit she has a good sense for fashion, but every time I turn around in the dressing room looking at what I'm wearing, it's never me, I'm not that kind of girl. No one has ever commented that I don't dress okay, so I've never changed the way I dress. Maybe a change is what I need.
''Why would I buy this for Christian's pleasure?'' I ask and she gives me a 'come on' look. ''You know it's your brother you're talking about, right?'' It only takes seconds before she has a look of disgust on her face.
''You're right, you definitely don't want this, besides Christian hates red,'' she grabs the set from my hands and put it back. I laugh, and look over to see where Teddy went. He's standing and looking at bras as if they were aliens, with a look of wonder and confusion. ''Let's get something to eat… are you hungry Teddy?'' She takes Teddy hand and leads him out of the store.
Mia and Teddy look really cute together, like she's his big sister. There's only 9 years between them, so they could be, well Teddy and I could also be siblings and some people have mistaken me for his sister. That bothered me before, but now as I'm getting older I don't really care. I love being a mother, it doesn't matter if I was 17 or 37 when I had him, there's nothing like the love you have for your own child.
As soon as we've seated ourselves at a little café, my phone rings. ''Daddy!'' Teddy squeals and doesn't even wait this time for me to fish it out of my purse. Teddy grabs my purse and dig trough it looking for the phone. ''Hi, daddy,'' I can weakly hear Christian's voice, and it makes me smile. Mia is looking at Teddy with awe. ''You are? Really?'' he listens for a few seconds, ''okay.'' He looks at the phone glancing at the picture I took of the two of them when they were playing in the living room.
''Daddy wants to talk with you.'' he lays the phone down beside me and starts talking to Mia.
''Hello'' I say as I get up to get some privacy. I can hear him closing a door and I guess he's alone too.
''Hey baby,'' I smile, I really can't help it, and I feel my cheeks blush lightly. ''I'm coming home, baby. I miss my boy and his beautiful mother too much.''
''You're coming home?'' I ask, excited. ''I miss you too, and so does Teddy. But I thought you weren't coming home until tomorrow?''
''Well change of plans, I'm coming home to you… and Teddy of course.'' He adds quickly. I don't care if he comes home to drink out of his favorite mug; as long as he's coming home I'm happy. I get this need to air pump my fist in the air, but stop myself as I look around at all the people. ''We're flying in 2 hours, so it won't be too long till I'm home.''
''I'll have dinner ready,'' I say ''I'll make your favorite.'' He chuckles.
''I won't say no to that, I have to go now. I love you.'' He hang up before I can say it back, that's the third time he's done that, doesn't he want me to say it back, or does it hurt him and he thinks I won't say it back? Well I love him, and I'm going to continue saying that in my head until I can say it to him.
After ending up with buying 2 dresses for me, and a top I really liked, many outfits for Teddy and a little something for Christian, I didn't buy while Mia and Teddy were around. Mia was right, Christian would love the red lingerie set, so I went back and bought it, I bought the same in white and black too. But we were finally done after 4 hours, I don't know what normal shopping time for someone is, but for me I don't need to stay any longer after I've found what I was looking for.
It was fun, and both Teddy and I loved spending the time with Mia. She's so funny and always made Teddy laugh, it was a good day, and I want to do it again someday. Ever since we dropped Mia off at her house, Teddy hasn't stopped talking about his auntie.
It was always Teddy, Ray and me, and now he has this really big family. I'm wondering if that overwhelms him sometimes, he seems like he loves it, but he's not used to having so many people around all the time. And he's not used to having the money the Grey's have spent on him, he always get's something new, and I'm afraid they'll end up spoiling him. Well I feel like I can't say anything against it, because they have 4 years to catch up, 4 birthdays and 3 Christmases.
I don't want to think about that, what happened happen, the good thing is that now they have their nephew and grandson, and they can get to know him better, and him them. I love watching Teddy interact with Christian's family, to see that it didn't take long time until he started loving them.
Teddy is now sitting on the kitchen island drawing while I'm working on the dinner. I want to make everything prefect. It's now 6pm and if Christian left around the time he said he was going to leave he will be here in a little over an hour. Teddy is way beyond excited, and keeps guessing what his daddy has bought him.
Teddy is sitting and lowly singing while in his own world. The dinner is ready and Christian should only be a few minutes away, I feel myself start getting giddy, and I'm ready to see him again. It feels like weeks since I've seen him, days since I talked to him, even though it's only been a few hours.
''Teddy, help mommy set the table,'' I say as I start to clear off the dining room table. I've never been a neat freak and seemed to always place stuff everywhere, I like having it clean but I don't need to have it nice 24/7.
''Mmmhmm'' Teddy says and jumps of the bar stool he was sitting on and walks over to me, waiting on me to give him stuff to place it on the table. ''There'' he says with a big smile when we're done. ''I made this for daddy, do you think he'll like it?'' I look at the picture of what I assume are Teddy and Christian playing football, it's sweet.
''I think he'll love it,'' I say and Teddy grins happily and puts the drawing down on what has become Christian's place by the table. We take our seats and wait for Christian to arrive. Teddy keeps looking from me to the elevator.
After maybe half an hour I start to worry, and Teddy is getting impatient. Maybe he didn't have the chance to leave when he thought he would. But wouldn't he have called or texted then? I'm sure everything is fine; he just maybe ran out of gas when he drove from GEH to here, and everything is just fine.
''Teddy why don't you go play a little bit, and I'll try calling daddy,'' I say and take the food to the kitchen ready to reheat it when he gets home. He's just a bit late; people are late all the time.
I've been trying to reach Christian for almost an hour, and I'm way beyond nervous and scared. I've left at least a dozen voice messages, all asking him to please call me. I'm trying to keep a brave face on every time Teddy walks out of his room asking if Christian's home yet. But I feel like I'm failing, I'm not brave, and I need Christian.
My phone rings, and I immediately feel relived. Thank goodness he's okay. ''Christian, hi,'' I breath out, just wanting to hear his voice, to hear him call me baby. The first time he called me that I blushed a really dark shade of red, and Christian couldn't stop telling me how cute I was and he kissed my cheek until they got an even darker shade of red. That was before anything happened between us, and I didn't at the time know how to read the situation.
''Ana, it's Elliot.'' I take a look at the phone and see an unknown number. Why did I assume it was Christian, why did I need to get my hopes up, why did Elliot have to say ''Christian is missing.''