Xavier mansion
5:41 Am
Greeting everyone it has been quite some time since I have updated but I want to thank everyone who is reading and who has been so supportive. This is a long chapter and hopefully it helps show another side of the characters that I love writing about. As always happy reading and feedback is welcome.
"When are you coming home?'
The question was innocent enough but somehow she knew that it wasn't. In the weeks since Cyrus had returned to Zincara, the question was asked at least once during their weekly communications. Part of her knew that her brother missed her, but part of her wondered how much of his questioning was coming from the Colonel.
She knew better than anyone how persistent the Colonel could be when he wanted something. And right now he wanted her back on Zincara. He wouldn't reinstate her command or authorize her accessing any classified information until she returned back to the base. At this juncture she didn't know when that would be or how soon she would be willing to take her place at the helm of her team.
She brought her half empty cup of coffee to her lips "We've talked about his Cy." She said gently.
"I know." Cyrus countered "but maybe you've changed your mind."
She shook her head "No buddy, I haven't. I can't home yet, I have-"
"Some things to figure out." Cyrus finished out her sentence a frown crossing his face "You always say that."
"That's because it's true kiddo."
"Can't you figure out whatever you need to here?" he pleaded
She raked a hand through her hair, hating herself for having to extinguish the hopeful glint shinning in Cyrus's green eyes. "Cy I promise as soon as I can. I'll come home but right now I just can't." She took a deep breath "Besides I'm sure your super busy, with the Colonel and you mom right?" She said trying to turn the attention away from herself.
"Yeah I guess it's pretty cool. It's almost like-"he shrugged a shoulder "like we're a family." He admitted
She felt a pang of guilt race through her at depriving her brother of the thing he wanted most. All the people he loved in the same place at the same time. She knew firsthand what it was like to have something so close and not to get it. "And that's what's important right?"
Cyrus shrugged a shoulder again, a look of uncertainty crossing his face "yeah I guess so."
"And you have my whole team there to keep you company, Viper, Willow-"She paused "Riff."
Cyrus made a face "I think I like Mr. Logan better"
"Thanks a lot Cyrus."
Her eyes traveled behind her brother taking in Riff's large form as he came on board of the central commands deck. "The Colonel's looking for you." Riff told him.
Sighing Cyrus picked up his back pack making a face at his sister as if to say see this is why I like Mr. Logan better. "Same time next week?' he questioned after he had slung his bag onto his shoulders.
"I'll be here buddy."
He hesitated a moment "Promise?'
"Promise."
Cyrus held her gaze a long moment and then with a quick smile and wave he was gone. She starred after him for a long moment, feeling something inside of her chest squeeze just gazing after him. She had always cared for him, but knowing he was her brother it opened up a place inside of her that only he got to occupy. With Cyrus she wasn't the major, or some genetic abomination she was just Mac and for him that was all she needed to be.
"He's a good kid." Riff's deep voice broke into her thoughts. Her gaze shifted landing on ice blue eyes that showed little emotion.
"Tell the Colonel, I'll get the dial in to the command center for the call with Cyrus next week." She said ignoring his comment and moving to end the signal.
"So that's it? Almost twenty years of friendship and all I'm good for is relaying your messages Shooter?"
Her fingers paused on the keyboard at the steel in Riff's voice, "Twenty years of friendship that was built on a lie. So yes, Captain the only thing left for us to discuss is the next time I will be talking to my brother."
She had managed to not have this conversation for weeks, yet somehow she had a feeling she would be having the conversation today. Sighing she lifted her gaze from the computer meeting the intensity of Riff's gaze.
"Who are you?" Riff questioned "The Shooter I knew didn't run from a fight."
"And the Riff I knew didn't keep secrets. Not from me. And not about him!" She spat letting the anger she had been harboring for weeks seep into her words.
"You think I wanted to keep this damn secret? That I would intentionally hurt you?" He questioned
"I don't know what to think. " She snapped pushing back from the large conference table "You knew! You knew He wiped my memory! You knew all of that and never once said a word to me. You let me believe in some bullshit truth that the Colonel and Amala made up to "help" me" she said the words between clenched teeth.
"You didn't see what I saw Shooter. You were broken and in so much pain." His gaze searched her face, silently begging her to understand why he had sided with the one person she didn't trust. "I thought I was helping you."
"By taking away my memories? How was that helping Riff? "
He braced his hands against the command center, his head dropping between his shoulders as he weighed her words. "That mission did something to you Mac, it broke something in you. I don't know if it was the carnage-"
"Don't" She warned, she didn't need a play by play of the mission he referenced, she remembered it. There had been so much destruction, so many innocent lives lost. The streets of Planet Balta had run red with blood of the innocents by the time her squad had arrived and even then they had barely been able to save the few remaining inhabitants and escape with their lives.
"Was any of it real, did any of it…even happen?"
Sighing Riff looked up at her "That mission was real. The things that matter are real, your life here on this base, our team, our friendship I never lied to you about that and Amala never touched those memories Shooter. You are the best thing that happened to me growing up. Without you- "he shook his head.
She closed her eyes at his words, she wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe that the man standing in front of her had always been in her life, that he wasn't a warped memory or figment of her imagination but she couldn't be sure. The memories all of them came and went and the more they came the more she doubted her life and the people she held most dear. She loved Riff that she knew but that's what made what she had to even harder.
"You were right all those years ago." She said slowly.
"About what?" He questioned a deep scowl crossing his face.
"You once told me, that I couldn't trust my father, but what you forgot to include is that I couldn't trust you either. " She swallowed past the large ball of emotion sitting her throat. She didn't want to feel any of this, not the betrayal, not the anger and most notably not the hurt. For herself or for him.
He crossed his arms over his chest starring at her for long while "This is going to sound crazy Shooter, but I convinced myself that – "he bit his lip breaking off "that I was doing the right thing. That by living this lie, or pretending to live this lie I was helping you."
She brought a fist to her lips, fighting back the words on the tip of her tongue as she watched Riff struggle. Watched his eyes turn bright red and fill with uncharacteristic emotion. She knew him, she knew his struggles, or rather she thought she knew him. "I wish I could believe you, but your words..." she blinked against the tears that burned the back of her eyes "mean less than the Colonel's to me now." She whispered.
He let out a deep sigh, a deep pain flickering in his eyes a moment before he closed them. She hadn't wanted to do this, but in Riff like fashion he hadn't let her avoid him. She reached for the Keyboard swallowing back the emotion that she knew would escaped her if she stayed on the commlink a moment longer.
" Shooter."
She paused at the sound of Riff's voice her gaze riveted on the keyboard in front of her.
"I'm ….. "
She lifted her head watching as he struggled to find the words, words that before would have come easily. She gazed at him a long moment watching as turmoil raged within the depth of his eyes, mirroring into his soul.
He held her gaze " I- If I could" He gave up shrugging .
She let out a deep breath, letting the wave of emotions wash over for the briefest of moment as she stared at the man she called friend, at the man that she would have laid down her life for. Their relationship much like everything else in her life was broken. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she didn't want to say. So she said the only thing that made sense in her world.
"Good bye Riff." The words tasted bitter as they made their way past her lips. In them was a finality she wasn't expecting but it expressed everything she needed. She held his gaze a moment longer before disconnecting the call but not before Riff's whispered "I'm sorry" came across the speakers, the two words imprinting themselves on her soul.
Xavier Mansion
9:51 AM
He held the phone to his ear listening to the voice on the other end. He wasn't surprised at the words that came forth or the request being made of him. He had all but sanctioned it, and he would willingly do it again. However the news he was receiving was not one he was expecting " I do nothing until your lead is confirmed. "He replied grimly, stepping into the kitchen and keeping his voice lowered.
For the moment he was alone, the rest of the team was still attending Cyclops Psychotic training that he found absolutely no use for . One eye had officially gone off the deep end. Running the team in two 3 hour training sessions a day and picking a fight with any senior member of the X-men who found fault with the training regime. He'd attended one training session, which had ended with him and Cyc ending up in a brawl. Not that he minded the son of bitch had been asking for it and with his mood for the last few days he'd been more than happy to oblige.
"The level of clearance needed to find out any information is beyond me. What's the significance Wolverine? I'm not putting my ass on the line for some piece of ass that you're trying to help."
He bristled at Fury's words "Never said it was for a piece of ass Fury, I keep company with more than women."
"That may be true but they're the only ones that tolerate your ass." Fury let out a deep breath "This shit reeks of something sinister, I better not get fucked four ways from Saturday for doing this."
"If you do, make sure they use Vaseline." Logan said dryly, he disconnected the call but not for he heard Fury let off a string of expletives. Under any under circumstance he would have found the humor in the situation but the request Fury had made of him… He shook his head, it didn't matter he would do this for her, he didn't have to he knew that, but in his eyes she would be worth every bit of the request being made of him.
His arms folded over his large chest, as he let his mind drift back several nights ago, the light in her eyes and the dimpled grin gazing up at him where ones that he was beginning to get used to seeing. Over the last few days he had kept his distance, giving her space and not crowding her even though he'd been tempted.
Sighing he walked to the terrace doors starring out at the property listening as the familiar footsteps of his team members headed toward difference recesses of the house from the subbasement.
"Next time Cyc decides he needs to do an early morning training session, remind me to tell 'em to go to hell." Rogue murmured as she entered the kitchen a deep frown crossing her features.
He turned as watching as she crossed to the newly purchased Keurig machine filling it with water and waiting for it to heat.
"That good huh?"
She made a face at him before heading to the pantry to retrieve the K-cups to make a cup of coffee. "Depends on your definition of good." Rogue grumbled setting the K-cups on the counter and reaching into the cabinets for two mugs. Next she turned to the refrigerator rummaging around until she found two cans of cinnamon rolls.
He rose a brow, at that not adding his opinion to the topic. He had a sneaking suspicions it had less to do with the teams preparation and more to do with his need for space .He accepted the cup of coffee from Rogue and took a careful sip. The new brew was a little too uppity for his liking, he liked his coffee strong and black. This had a kick of pecan and cinnamon blended into it. It was the fru fru coffee that Jean and Storm liked to drink. He took another sip and almost choked on the dark liquid, no way in hell was he drinking that shit. He crossed to the sink dumping out his cup and ignoring the amusement he found shining in Rogue's eyes.
" You decide to spread your good cheer this mornin'? ." he growled
"Only the best for your cupcake." She teased, studying him over the rim of her coffee cup, She turned opening the cinnamon roll cans and placing the dough and sticky goodness into the oven.
He headed into the pantry aware of Rogue's gaze on his back as he made himself another cup. " What ?" he asked adding a K-cup to the machine before turning to look at her.
"Nothing…" She said her gaze roving over his face "Everything."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Means you never told me how the other night went."
He could pretend he didn't know what she was talking about , but they both knew that she did. Sighing he raked a hand through his hair " I don't suppose me telling ya to mind yer own business is gonna work?"
She shook her head slowly " I don't need details sugah" she said slowly her expression growing serious "I'm just worried about you. If you tell me to mind my business I will. You've been quieter than usual and I'm wondering if it had anything to do with the other night."
" How'd you notice over your constant yammer'in?". He was rewarded with a nasty gesture in his direction, chuckling to himself he retrieved his freshly brewed cup of coffee and stood before her trying to articulate the things that had been racing through his mind the last few days.
" The other night was everything I thought it'd be." He answered
She rose a brow at that " But?"
"But, nothing. ." He leaned forward resting his forearms against the counter top. " Mac, was-" He searched for the words trying to describe the Mac she'd let him see. The one that opened herself up, that didn't have a defense mechanism in place. " It was just what she needed."
" And what about you?"
"What about me?'
"Is she what you need Logan?" She asked carefully
"What I need isn't important."
"Isn't it ?" She took a deep breath " You keep telling yourself that what you need ain' t important but that's a lie and we both know it. "
"I went after what I thought I wanted and needed before." He shook his head "Look where it got me Rogue. I destroyed a marriage and tore my life down in the process. I won't put someone else through the shit storm I call life." He said voicing the internal struggle that had been in the forefront of his mind since his conversation with Jean. She hadn't been lying when she'd said everything he touched he destroyed. The truth of the matter was there was more destruction and devastation in his life to last 3 lifetimes.
"You, Jean Scott. You all say you're over everything that happened but I don't believe it, any more than you do suga." Rogue replied, with a shrug.
He pushed up from the counter top "I am over it." He said tightly " I've been over it."
Rogue pursed her lips , turning to take a peek at the cinnamon rolls " If you were you wouldn't keep punishing yourself. "Sighing she wiped her hands on the kitchen towel "You don't always have to be your own worst enemy Logan. Sometimes you can be the hero." She said quietly
"Hero's don't have blood on their hands , I got plenty on mine."
She pulled the cinnamon rolls out of the oven placing the hot pan on the stove top "Maybe, but last I heard there was retribution for even the darkest of souls, you just gotta want it. "
"I want a lot of things darlin' , doesn't mean I should get em all."
"No," Rogue agreed reaching for a plate and slipping a cinnamon roll onto it " you shouldn't but if you can find a little bit of solace among the chaos why not try?"
Sighing he took the plate from her, breaking apart the cinnamon roll and shoving a piece into his mouth. "Anyone ever tell ya, yer like yoda?" he questioned
Laughing , Rogue tossed the Kitchen towel she been holding at him, a smile breaking out across her features.
"I been called a lot things honey, and Yoda ain't one of em."
Xavier Mansion
6:13 Pm.
She broke the surface, gasping in mouthfuls of air, trying to appease her burning lungs as they strained for oxygen. She had no idea how long she been at it, when she'd started her evening swim the sun, had barely begun a slow descent into the horizon.. Now the sky was bathed in darkness, the only light the full moon as it shone onto the earth, bathing it in its ethereal glow.
The icy water had chilled her to her core upon her first dive into its murky depths but now she welcomed the chill, allowing it to numb her senses and ease the deep recesses of her mind. She had tried all day to push thoughts of her father and Riff from her mind and nothing had seemed to appease it. Not a session with Charles, not a danger room training session nothing. Her last resort had been a swim and somewhere within the waves, and beneath the surface she had managed to find a piece of solace.
She dove beneath the waves, diving down and kicking hard as slowly she made her way once more beneath the chilly water making her way towards shore, lazily she surfaced going into a breast stroke, propelling herself forward with powerful stokes until her feet touched the sandy bottom of the lake and she could wade towards the shallows.
She reached for her towel drying herself off before wrapping herself securely in its warmth before heading to the pool house to shower and change. She could always shower at the mansion but as of late, solitude seemed to be the only thing keeping the dreams and the memories at bay. She pushed open the pool house door, stepping inside and relishing in the warmth the small building exhibited. Compared to the freezing cold water that had left her numb the heat from the pool house warmed her both inside and out. Hurrying into one of the spare rooms, she grabbed a spare change of clothing that she'd tucked away and made her way to the shower. Quickly she stripped down, stepping beneath the heated blast and allowing herself to slowly let the memories seep back in. To let the subtle pitch to once more sound in her ears. She could push her memories away, shut down her mutation but she ran the risk of an episode as Beast had labeled it , this was the compromise. Having her powers always slightly elevated so that she existed in a heightened state all of the time , to avoid any surprises.
The first few weeks of this state she had thought she would go mad with the constant focus needed just to reign herself in but as the days went by, it was becoming easier, almost to the point where she didn't have to think about it. Sighing she shut of the blast, stepping from the shower and hastily drying before slipping on a pair of jeans shorts and a brown cashmere sweater, before running a brush through her hair.
She shut off the lights grabbing the few extra items she'd brought with her before slipping out the door and making her way back towards the flashing lights of the mansion.
"Hey Mac, there's brownies in there." Kitty yelled as she raced down the back steps of the mansion heading to destinations unknown.
"Thanks." She called watching as Kitty hurried to catch up with a group of students, she starred after them for a moment trying to remember a time where she was that young and carefree with no responsibilities on her shoulders. A frown pulled at her lips, she couldn't think of a time where she hadn't been the Colonel's daughter or had to act a certain way to ensure she didn't embarrass her father in front of his peers.
Shaking her head she climbed the back stairs, setting down her belongings and sticking her head inside the terrace doors leading into the kitchen. Inside was controlled chaos as Storm and Jean manned the desserts handing out bowls loaded with vanilla ice cream and brownies.
"You want one?" Storm asked gesturing to one of the large bowls she held in her hand. She starred to shake her head no, but at Storms raised brow she changed her mind. She stepped into the ktiched, avoiding the teenagers that rushed in and out before swiping the bowl from Storms hands, a quick thanks escaping her lips before she settled down on one of the stools . She scooped a bit of the dessert on her spoon, watching as Storm and Jean handed out the last few bowls to awaiting hands, topping them with the demanded assortment of nuts and chocolate chips before the masses finally dispersed and the all that was left was empty tubs of ice cream and a few meager pieces of brownies that had survived .
"Who's brilliant idea was it to pump them full of more sugar?" Storm groaned collapsing into a nearby stool. She placed her head in her hand starting down at the granite counter top.
"Yours." Jean answered a smile flashing across her face as she moved to throw out the empty ice cream containers.
"You didn't think it appropriate to tell me what I was suggesting was a bad idea?" Storm demanded her expression one of disbelief.
Jean shook her head, laughing " I believe your exact words where , It will be a delightful treat."
Storm groaned again, resting her arms down on the counter, her head finding a place beside it. "Next time I decided to have a brilliant idea, someone please feel free to remind me of this moment." She murmured.
Shaking her head, Mac brought her spoon to her lips, closing her eyes at the taste. "If it's any constellation, it's one hell of a dessert."
Rolling her eyes Storm pushed away from the counter, " I bet." She grumbled moving to help Jean finish cleaning the kitchen. " How's Cyrus? " Storm questioned after a few minutes of silence had passed.
"He misses it here." Mac answered honestly "but he seems happy." . Besides, his constant questioning of when she was coming home her brother did look happy. Gone was the haggard look that had haunted his features when he'd first come to the mansion, in its place was a vibrant child. One who seemed to completely and utterly adore the one parent they shared. Frowning she pushed her dessert around in her bowl, the man her father was with Cyrus certainly wasn't the man she –
"Looks like a frigin' tornado, rolled through here. "
She glanced up at the sound of Logan's deep timbre as he entered the kitchen. She had no doubt that he had just come from a danger room session. His black tank top was stuck to the muscles of his chest, his dark hair slicked with sweat as he made his way to the fridge , pulling out a beer.
"Comments like that will have you helping to clean up this Tornado." Jean said turning from the skin to flash him a dirty look.
"Like hell it well." He grumbled bringing the bottle to his lips. He was talking to Jean but his gaze had long ago zeroed in on her face. She watched as subtle amusement touched his hazel eyes as he walked towards her.
"Glad to see you know how to hydrate after a hard workout." Mac said as he approached, she watched as a slow smile curled over his lips.
" My winnings from the other night had to be put to good use," he replied dryly, as he came around the island , casually leaning against it, his legs crossed out in front of him.
She shook her head, bringing another bite of her dessert to her lips. " Glad to know I could contribute to your drinking habit."
"You're more than welcome to try and win your money back '." He replied. " That and your dignity."
She felt a subtle warming of her cheeks at the mention of their high stakes pool game. What had started as teasing had landed her on unfamiliar ground. It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to just be in the moment, No fighting to control her powers, no one pressuring her to her be something she wasn't. She 'd just been able to be.
"Anyone ever tell you , Arrogance is an unattractive character trait?" She mused glancing up at him from beneath her lashes.
" Lucky for you I'm just confident."
"Still unattractive. " She pointed out fully aware that though they were both pretending to focus on finishing cleaning up the Kitchen that Jean and Storm were both very aware of the conversation.
"Never had any complaints before darlin'" " He said, his expression full of amusement as he gazed at her.
"Really?' She questioned "Well, by all means let me be the first. "
"I'm sure if you got to know me better you wouldn't have any complaints ."
She rose a brow "That an offer?"
"What if it was?"
"Then I'd happily decline being subjected to your "confidence"" she said sweetly.
"Your loss."
Laughing softly she reached for her spoon, filling it with ice cream "Not likely." She countered watching as he eyed her brownie.
"Fee like sharing?" He asked.
"Not particularly. No. but I'd be willing to let you have some with the right amount of convincing." She answered lowering her voice so only he could hear her.
She watched his gaze grow dark, the familiar predatory look enter his eyes and knew she had struck a nerve. He brought the beer bottle to his lips, mouthing the words Tease before taking a long drink.
" Never." She answered , scooping a large bite of the ice cream and brownie onto her spoon and holding it out to him. He rose a brow , his expression growing unreadable as he leaned across the counter , his eyes studying her before leaning closer still to accept the small morsel. She brought her spoon to his mouth , waiting before he opened up to accept the small piece of dessert before turning the spoon back around and enjoying the offered piece herself.
" I said I'd be willing to let you have some with the right amount of convincing."
" How bout if I just ask ya real nice?" he said on a chuckle.
"Is that what you're doing?"
"Thought I made that pretty clear " He said, catching and holding her gaze. There was amusement lingering in the depth of his eyes , but there was also a subtle warmth that was becoming more and more present every time they talked.
Sighing she filled her spoon offering him another piece of her brownie he leaned in accepting it. ."Next time, I don't plan on being so generous." She said bringing the spoon to her lips and licking away the last remaining drops of vanilla of ice cream.
"I wouldn't want you to be. " He said reaching for her spoon and stealing another bite of her ice cream
"You still game in trying to get some retribution?"
"Maybe. " She answered plucking her spoon from his fingers to enjoy the rest of her ice cream.
"Yeah?" His gaze roamed her face for a moment " If you can stomach my confidence for another night, I'm heading back out to the underground. Offer still stands for you to come with."
She was silent for a moment considering, "Guess I better bring my A" game" She said slowly
He lifted his hand as if to push a strand of hair from her face, then hesitated as if remembering himself and let his arm drop .
" I'll be in ready in 30." He promised, already turning away. She reached out her hand catching his forearm.
"Be ready in 15 and the first rounds on me." She countered, watching as something flickered in his eyes at her touch. This time he didn't hesitate, he reached out , lightly running his knuckles across her cheek, his touch feather light against her skin.
" Deal." He held her gaze a moment longer before turning and heading towards the stairs.
Shaking her head, she slipped from her stool avoiding Storm's questioning gaze as she made her way toward the sink to rinse out her used dishes. She didn't need to turn around to know that two pairs of eyes where trained on her back she could feel them. Ignoring the silent pull for her to turn around, she rinsed out her bowl, adding it to the dishwasher along with her spoon before drying off her hands. All the while ignoring the silent conversation she knew Jean and Storm where having.
"Mac?"
She paused, setting the kitchen towel down on the counter waiting
"Don't Jean, leave it alone." Storm tried to interject.
Sighing she turned from the sink to find Jeans gazing at her, a deep scowl on her face. "What is it.?" She watched as Jean slowly finished wiping down the counter, tossing out the used napkin before pining her with a glare.
"Just one question." She said her arms folding across her chest "Are you sleeping with him?"