Lex Marks the Spot 3

Chapter 1 – YASEMF 23

Chapter 2 – YASEMF 29

"How can I justify releasing the cure when we are still making money from the treatment?" Xander asked himself as he paced back and forth in his palatial office.

"Come on brain, think!" he ordered, increasing the size of his fist to several times its normal size and tapping the top of his head. "I swear if you don't come up with an answer soon, I'm stabbing you with a q-tip!"

Xander stopped, closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, his chest expanding like a bullfrog's throat.

"I'm calm, I'm peaceful," Xander said like a mantra as he shifted into the form of Mahatma Gandhi for a moment before changing back into himself.

"Their greedy, my boy," Xander said in a perfect impression of Thurston Howell the third, form and voice, "it's all about the money. If they had any common sense they'd see making the pie itself bigger would net them more than simply increasing the size of their own slice, but they simply lack the capacity."

Xander resumed his Lex form with its new thick black hair. Lex might have been a natural redhead, but Xander was much more comfortable as a brunette.

"They are greedy, shortsighted, and stupid," Xander listed off. "Now, how can I use that against them?"

Xander sat in 'The Thinker' pose, forming a perfect replica of the statue for a moment before leaping back to his feet. "That's it! All I have to do is tell them someone else is getting close to a cure so we'll sell it ourselves to get the jump on them."

Xander melted into a puddle of pink goo and relaxed.

"Mr. Luthor?" Mercy asked as she entered the office and looked around.

"Down here," he replied, forming a face in the center of the goo puddle. "I was seeing how relaxed I could get. Now, what was it you wanted?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"He's like a cartoon character come to life," Green Arrow noted.

"Is it possible Plastic Man acts the way he does because of his powers and not his personality?" Black Canary asked as they watched Lex Luthor's office on the monitor.

"Hey!" Plastic Man complained. "I work hard on my comedy!"

"Despite the visual gags, Luthor is behaving much like he was when I last interviewed him," Superman disagreed. "The changes in his motivation and behavior predate him gaining Plastic Man's powers."

"And thanks to Lex now having Plastic Man's powers he is immune to telepathy, so I can not scan him to check," Martian Manhunter noted.

"Would you rather see him with my powers or Supes'?" Plastic Man asked. "He said he had the knowhow."

"Kryptonians are easier to deal with," Batman said.

"Ha-ha," Plastic Man deadpanned. "But seriously, what is up with the big change in Lex? Or is he just pulling a fast one for the thousandth time?"

Superman shook his head. "He's always got something up his sleeve, I'm sure he'll reveal his latest scheme shortly."

"That woman there," Diana pointed out.

"Mercy Graves," Batman identified.

"She's dressed as a mere chauffeur, however he is actually listening to her," Diana said curiously.

"They have a curious relationship," Batman replied. "She's completely loyal and in return he actually listens to her."

"How is that unusual?" Plastic Man asked.

"Because Lex doesn't trust anyone," Superman said with a thoughtful frown.

"Except her?" Diana asked.

"Possibly," Superman admitted.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Lex," Mercy said seriously, "I have some concerns."

Xander reformed the top half of his body, leaving the bottom half a large pink puddle. "I'm listening," Xander said seriously, sensing her disquiet.

"Your behavior has radically changed over the past few days," Mercy explained. "Not enough to activate the Doppelganger protocols, but more than enough to suspect you may be having your mind influenced in some way."

Xander completely reformed his body or rather Lex's body, making him look like he was in his early 20's and spent his spare time participating in bodybuilding contests. "Perfectly understandable, would an explanation of my current mindset help set your fears to rest?"

"Yeah, but that's also an example of a complete departure from your normal behavior," she pointed out.

Xander chuckled. "Have you ever wondered what your life looked like through another's eyes?" he asked seriously. "My greatest enemy, my deadliest foe, the one insurmountable roadblock in my path… turned out to be me."

"I'm not seeing it," Mercy admitted, after a minute.

"My top two goals in life up until about a week ago were to take over the world and murder one man," Xander explained.

"Usually you avoid calling him a man, referring to him as The Alien," she said pointedly.

"After the explanation it will make sense," Xander promised. "For now ignore the changes and let me explain."

"Alright," she agreed.

"Killing Superman is as simple as lacing Metallo's kryptonite heart with some gold kryptonite. Superman always fights him hand to hand and gets blasted with kryptonite radiation half a dozen times. Add a little gold kryptonite to the mix and no more Superman," Xander explained.

"That's brilliant!" Mercy exclaimed.

"It's stupid," Xander disagreed. "Quick note: check with Cadmus and see how long it would take them to make a purely human clone for me to transfer Corben's brain into. Anyway, the original reason I wanted to kill Superman was because I thought he was too good to be true, his very existence a threat to the human race."

"And you don't think that anymore?" Mercy asked.

"No I don't," Xander said, shaking his head. "With all the crap I've pulled on him over the years, Mother Teresa would have kicked my ass by now, but Superman sticks to the straight and narrow. He is pretty much exactly what he seems or at least he tries to be anyway."

"Weren't you also worried about the human race becoming dependent on him?" Mercy asked.

"Still a valid concern," Xander admitted with a nod. "But it isn't a major one any longer, as the human race has produced a number of beings of similar power."

"Alright," Mercy conceded, "I can see how Big Blue is no longer important, now what about world domination?"

"A childish goal," Xander replied. "Could I do a better job than the politicians currently running the world? Without a doubt. Do I care enough about the human race to spend my every waking moment working towards its betterment?"

"I… can't see you doing that," Mercy admitted, "but then I thought it was all about the power of the position."

"If a job is worth doing, it is worth doing right," Xander replied. "If I want to be the ruler of a world I'll pick a much more… rational species than the human race to rule over. Preferably one that hibernates at least a portion of the time, so I can get a couple of months vacation each year."

Mercy laughed but quickly pushed it down.

"None of the challenges I had set for myself are a challenge anymore and the goals I had are no longer mine," Xander explained. "I have tons of money, enormous amounts of power, and am not concerned about working myself to death for a variety of reasons. I intend to enjoy life, make my name something people can trust, since I am going to be around for a long time and – *cough* *cough*," Xander said, covering up the final words by coughing into his fist.

"What was that final thing?" Mercy asked, with a gleam of mischief in her eyes.

"Annoy Superman," Xander admitted. "I've spent most of my adult life trying to kill him, you can't just expect me to go cold turkey!"

Mercy let out a relieved sigh, satisfied that Lex hadn't changed into someone completely unrecognizable.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Why do I have the feeling I'm going to miss the old Lex?" Superman asked, as the group of superheroes heard Luthor's exposition.

"Two stretchy guys, two pranksters," Flash noted. "Pretty sure your powers do have an effect on your personality," he told Plastic Man.

"Maybe," Plastic Man conceded, "but I still put in a lot of hard work. Just because you're flexible doesn't mean you're going to be funny."

"I'll give you that," Flash agreed. "There's a lot of talent involved too. Think Luthor will be any good?"

"No idea," Plastic Man replied. "I'm not even going to guess until we have a decent sampling of his work."

"Do you mind?" Batman demanded, glaring at the pair.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"A couple of pranks a month will help keep him on his toes, prevent complacency," Xander told Mercy. "So really, I'm doing him a favor."

"I very much doubt he'll see it that way," Mercy said amused. "Also picking on the last child of a dead race isn't exactly going to endear you to the public."

"He's hardly the last," Luthor said, shaking his head. "Hell, he isn't even the only one on Earth."

"There are more Kryptonians?" Mercy asked, surprised.

"Let me tell you the tale of Dax-Am," Xander said grandly, shifting into the form of Samuel Clemens. "Dax-Am was rare among his people, he was an explorer, an adventurer, a man who didn't hate and fear aliens, but saw that beneath their skin many were just like him. Gathering a group of like-minded people, they set off for the stars, far beyond the reach of the assholes back home."

"Assholes?" Mercy asked.

"Assholes," Xander assured her. "Krypton did the whole manifest destiny bit, imposing their will on neighboring systems with their advanced technology and superpowers. Eventually they realized what they were doing was morally wrong and recalled their navy and destroyed their ships, becoming isolationist and xenophobic."

"Weird," Mercy said.

"Not really," Xander disagreed. "As a whole they believed they were superior to everyone else, so when they saw a moral failing in themselves, they tried to correct it. They over-reacted and couldn't admit that was also a mistake so they compounded it by becoming xenophobic, forbidding any contact with other… inferior races."

"I can see why you called them assholes," Mercy admitted.

"Dax-Am and his people settled on a planet with a native race that had the ability to mate with nearly any humanoid species in the galaxy," Xander continued. "Kryptonian genetics proved to be dominant, so the planet is now filled with Kryptonians who can mate with nearly any humanoid species and are completely immune to Kryptonite."

Mercy just stared at him for a moment. "And for all your problems with Superman, you aren't concerned about them?" she asked cautiously.

"Well, for one thing, being an asshole turned out to be another dominant trait, so they also turned into xenophobic isolationists who have banned any research into space travel," Xander explained.

"And the other thing?" she asked, knowing how Lex's mind worked.

"They somehow managed to replace their Kryptonite allergy with one for lead," Xander said with a chuckle. "Daxamites, as they call themselves, will never be the conquerors that the natives from Krypton were."

"That would do it," Mercy agreed. "No fear about Big Blue doing it?"

"The house of El aren't assholes… or at least it isn't a dominant trait in their line," Xander admitted. "Smug and self-righteous, maybe, but not conquer the world for its own good."

Mercy nodded. "I'll go contact Cadmus about that clone."

Xander returned to his new base Luthor form. "I think I'll poke around the labs, see what's cooking."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"I'm not the last?" Superman said hopefully.

"Not if Luthor is right," Batman replied thoughtfully. "Green Lantern may be able to confirm his story."

"Which one?" Canary asked.

"Any of them, their database should cover the subject," Batman replied.

"He also said Superman wasn't the only one on Earth," Flash pointed out.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"Am I the only one who caught that?" Flash asked.

"No, but the planet full of Kryptonians distracted everyone," J'onn answered.

"I'll have to find out what he meant by that," Superman said.

"That may be what he's counting on," Batman said as he watched Lex Luthor leave his office and move out of range of the camera.

"It would be just like him," Superman agreed. "If he detected that we were spying on him, this could all be a trick."

"That's not to say he was lying about the Daxamites," Batman assured him. "The best lies are at least partially true."

"So long as I'm not wasting time searching for Kryptonians who don't exist, he'll be wasting his time instead," Superman said with a smirk.

"Unless it's a double bluff and he's counting on you not looking for them," Plastic Man pointed out.

"Luthor is even more annoying when I can't even tell if he's actually up to something or I'm just being paranoid," Superman said, shaking his head.

"In our line of work, it's almost never paranoia," Batman assured him, ignoring the League members that were rolling their eyes.

"A search for aliens is something we should do on a regular basis anyway," Black Canary offered. "They could be here for any number of reasons, including getting stranded and needing assistance," she added, thinking about how Martian Manhunter had ended up on Earth.

"As long as we're not actively searching for Kryptonians alone, it shouldn't play into Luthor's hands," Wonder Woman decided.

"Unless –" Plastic Man began, only to have Batman grab his lips and squeeze them shut.

"No more 'unless'," Batman said firmly.

"Fine," Plastic Man agreed, completely unconcerned that his mouth was sticking out of the other side of Batman's fist. "I will say just one more thing and then drop it."

Batman released Plastic Man's lips which snapped back in place like a rubber-band. "Alright," Batman acquiesced.

"Triple check your findings and don't jump the gun," Plastic Man said reasonably. "Also if we find evidence of a Kryptonian we send J'onn disguised as Superman to make first contact."

Batman nodded. "Sensible."

"If he was trying to make you even more paranoid he would have said something about how Luthor could easily infiltrate the League disguised as nearly anyone," Flash pointed out.

Batman shook his head. "Already taken care of. While he can easily alter his appearance I've added sensors to detect his new physiology."

"So he could only enter disguised as me?" Plastic Man asked.

"This… is going to take some thought," Batman admitted with a sigh.

"Plastic Man, the bane of billionaires everywhere," Flash said with a grin.

Typing By – Sitheus Maximus